I've pulled the dead flowers, my marigolds did not like the treetop garden this year. Weeded out most of the volunteer plants that the birds have kindly planted, decided to allow a few to grow, simply out of curiosity. So throughout the garden I have found random flowers shining bright yellow, injecting a bit of joy in the midst of the deep green. And different plants covered with seeds for their nourishment. I can share the space.
Other planters are now barren, whatever had been growing has finished it's season. It's too hot to plant the fall plants just yet, so I am allowing them to transition for the moment. I will perk up the soils adding nutrients that might be gone now and simply allow them to rest for this moment in time.
My garden feels so much like life right now, not just for me. I know so many that are in a state of transition. Moving from one space in time into another. Some doors closing, others swinging wide open. I'm of the personal belief that how we handle the transitions life gives us, strongly influences the outcome of the next phase.
You can dread each change, struggle against it and refuse to face it. I used to live in that bubble. Always digging in my heels to prevent the forward motion. Not wanting to leave the bubble of protection, because that is what is was. When life feels safe, without rocky movement, we accept it. We may be miserable where we are at, we might be stagnant and unfulfilled, but hey at least we are safe. There is limited uncertainty, we know what to expect and we can basically check boxes.
I started to prune back my cow pea plants. I'd harvested all the pods, the leaves had fallen away and all that was left were sad, browning sticks. I hadn't gotten to it yet this week. I had some things I was working on that needed attention. When I went out this morning, to my surprise they were already starting to put out new growth. These are an heirloom seed, so I was not really sure what to expect. The plants had decided to transition on their own. When they were no longer expending energy sustaining dead growth they were able to expend it on actual growth.
When we are strong enough to shed the things that are not bringing us happiness, joy, or fulfillment, even if it is sudden or unexpected. Even when we can't see that first step off our own personal cliff, if we can just have faith, magical things happen.
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| magic waiting for me as I wandered my dark house before bedtime |
Having a bit more time in my day today, the project is finished, I will probably go out to my confused hydrangea and trim up the spent flowers, they are weary and tired. In exchange, while it will simply be a deep green plant for a bit, I am already seeing buds waiting to burst forward. It is just waiting for me to free up some of it's energy.
I have found the same thing happening to me as a human on this glorious planet living my crazy life. I was stuck in a pattern. It wasn't a bad pattern, it wasn't a good pattern, it was simply a pattern. I wasn't finding myself fulfilled and had basically forgotten how to dream. It's taken me a bit of time and work to step out of that shell, to fully start blooming again. I am still in my cocoon to a degree. Still in the stages of repair and rebirth. I'd neglected me the human being for far too long. My own health suffered more than I had realized.
Yet, I feel the transition happening. I am able to be more present. I am not distracted by things that were lacking meaning and substance in my life. I was always waiting for an alarm, an alert, an email or calendar invite. I had ceased to be human and become a bot. I can dream again and see bright vibrant colors. I can loose myself in the moment.
When I wake up at stupid o'clock now, I don't dread it, I don't roll over with tears in my eyes fretting about how I am going to make it through the day on so little sleep. Thus making myself more tired. I've stopped paying attention to a clock. Time is a construct of man, a form of control. I now cherish the sunrise, I celebrate the lack of constraints as I make time to putter in the garden, tidy my home, plan my projects and simply forget the days and hours of the week. I can also stay up long past the setting of the sun and not notice it, not feel the drain on my energy in the least. Ironically, in this phase of my life, I am far more apt to need a calendar than before. So that I can track all of the ins and outs that I would otherwise forget.
The "before" me lived in fear. Fear of missing a deadline, fear of not doing enough, fear of being enough, fear of maintaining that status quo, fear of anything that would bring about change. The "transitioning" me, is calm. Much like the memory Facebook shared with me today of my youngest grand baby in her early zen state (she can still zen out, but man was she the expert when she was little bitty).
Do I have any more answers than I did before? Nope... not a one. I feel like those barren planter boxes. Nourished and resting. I have more physical healing to do, more dreaming and imagining the future, but soon... I will be bursting with life. I will have the energy to expend on magical things. I will have healed my long neglected body and soul. Maybe I won't be putting forth food or flowers, but I will be giving light, love, energy and beauty to the world.
I know that I am transitioning just the way I am supposed to. How? I'm calm. I can't see the next step. I don't have any guarantees, but I have faith. Faith that I am growing just as I am meant to. And that brings me joy, peace and calm.
I have loved ones that I send prayers and energy to on a daily basis. Because they are still stuck in that moment that can't move forward. I pray they can find the courage to chase their hearts desires. To pull their own weeds and trim their own flowers so that they can sprout again and grow with wild abandon. Time truly is fluid when allowed to be.
I know... weird way of looking at things... can't say I disagree. I simply write what comes into my heart and head and this needed to be written. Be calm, the transition is easier than one would believe.
Really good one! 381+
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