messages...

Yesterday I spent over an hour of my day wrapped in another woman's pain.  I felt both blessed and deeply pained that she was willing to share with me, a virtual stranger, the story that was so deep and fresh.  It's been all over the news since February.  The loss of her husband. Stolen from her and their beautiful life by a selfish young adult.

She showed me pictures, she'd brought 5 poster boards full of their life together and several packets of pictures and told me their story.  I cleared as much time as she needed from my day.  Listening the, allowing her space to smile and to cry.  How they met, how they supported each other in life, how much fun they had together and the various adventures that they went on together. She shared that they could complete each other's sentences and that they had met playing in sports at their church.  How they had known each other for a long time, but each had been committed to someone else.  And then in one magic moment both were single at the same time and the universe finally stepped in. 

I felt like I was listening to someone telling me the story of my sweet Hubs and myself.  Some of the locations were different, but the rest... strangely, hauntingly familiar.  Tons of selfies in fun places, silly pictures, dressy pictures, all telling the story of a life full of love and happiness.  Two souls that were bound to unite in life and battle any challenges side by side. 

Our stories diverged as she shared with me the end of their fairy tale life together.  And honestly that is how it felt, like hearing a fairy tale.  Only in reverse.  Most fairy tales start with the tragedy at least somewhere near the beginning and end with the happily-ever-after.  

She shared with me the painful day that she lost him.  How she heard the ring, but instead of rushing to the door as she always did she continued to be engrossed with a problem from work.  She had a haunted look as she described hearing the shot that took his life and that she now lives with wonder of what might have happened had she opened the door as usual.  Would he still be with her?  Would she be with him?

Walking silently through her pain, I simply listened.  In another time, I would have offered her a hug, she looked and sounded as if she desperately needed one.  She spoke of how she has his favorite flannel shirt that she snuggles up with to provide her some sense of comfort in the quiet and lonely house.  She shared so much that hit home like a strike to the solar plexus. 

The woman in the pictures she shared, hardly resembled the woman in front of me.  Her eyes are still haunting me. 

But it is something deeper.  

Hubs and I are doing many of the things she spoke of, planning for the future, dreaming of retirement and things they wanted to do.  Words she spoke aloud, were words that have been radiating and echoing in my heart and soul.  Thoughts that hadn't been given birth to yet. I am still in a swirl from the conversation.  My heart hurts for her, yet in a strange way I feel that she was sent to give me clarity. 

There truly was no reason for our paths to cross. A random phone call was passed to me and and the conversations began.  She was making a donation to our annual campaign in his memory.  A chance to change the future for another child to maybe prevent what had happened from playing out again.  

As she wrote the check yesterday I am sure I went a bit pale. 

The street was Leola.  Again there was that shock to the solar plexus.  My Grammie.. one of my strongest supporters in my life was Leola. No matter what I needed, I knew she was there.  And even when continents and oceans separated us I could always feel her love and hugs. 

I evidently drive past that street twice a day.  Yesterday I finally saw it. 

I've been feeling very strongly that the universe is reaching out to me, that it is trying to give me messages.  Waiting for me to understand. 

My Facebook feed has been filled with things that keep resonating with me.  Past memories of different times and similar events keep showing up.  They all keep circling back to the same ideas and topics.  Even sitting here thinking this through the back of my head is tingling, it always happens when I am starting to wake up to what I need to know.  

I know if I were to consult one of the people I see, they would tell me I already know what the universe is telling me. And who knows maybe I do.  This morning scrolling around and reading I came across another of my favorite inspirational speakers.  And the short video I watched was so powerful, so relevant, so much about where I am right now. 

I couldn't help her.  I couldn't bring back the love that was ripped away.  I thanked her for sharing and letting me lift her burden if only for a moment. She thanked me for being willing to simply listen, that I was a good listener.  I don't know about that, but I am grateful for the blessing she gave me.  

I don't know what prompted my next words, my own life/work balance is not great, but before I knew it, before the words had penetrated my brain, I told her that I would be honored to make her a quilt from his t-shirts so she had something bigger to wrap herself in for comfort.  I felt a great sense of peace making that offer.  She asked how many she needed and told me that she didn't know if he had any laying around, but that she would look.  I also felt compelled to do something I don't do easily, I gave her my personal phone number.  

In another time I think we would have been great couple friends.  Her sweet husband sounded like an echo of mine.  Similar thoughts, ideas, likes and dislikes and the same love of being good to people. 

I definitely want a different outcome for Hubs and I, yet I want to honor and cherish the message and stories shared with me yesterday. She is a strong woman with an even stronger loving heart. It sounds like she is wrapped up with a blanket of family and friends that will hold her through these times. I know her message will strengthen me throughout my life. 

As worn as I was yesterday from the mental expenditure of the day, I came home and made my sweet Hubs one of his favorite dinners.  I hugged him a bit tighter and I thanked God for the time together and asked for a much longer time after that. For the not so gentle reminders that have been coming my way lately. 

I am blessed to have my soul mate walking life's path with me. I need to remember that and not fall into the robotic energies of day to day existence.