Wednesday, January 24, 2018

thankful

Soft snores.

Beeping alarms.

Scurrying feet shuffling just beyond the closed curtain. 

That was about 18 of my last 24 hours.

Hubs was having some problems.  Mostly self-inflicted.  We are only given one body and we really do need to at least try to take care of it.

Luckily we came away from this scare with just a few medications and mostly lifestyle changes.

When I got the text message that involved words like ambulance, something on the EKG, the first reaction was fear.  I love that crazy fool and that is not the text that I want to receive following a lunch time phone call:

Hubs: I'm having some chest pain I think I'm gonna get a doc appointment.

Me: I can come out and meet you.

Hubs: No, it's not that bad, just figured I should get it checked out.

What?  That is not how any text message should come.

Almost 4 hours in the most HORRIBLE ER that we have ever been in, totally a repeat experience from several years ago.  I desperately try to avoid that hospital for that very reason. The hospital itself is full of caring, competent nurses, doctors, technicians.  I love the fact that they have morning and evening prayers, it calms my soul.

But that first 4 hours, waiting for them to even care enough to check his blood pressure - the main reason he was sent to the hospital in the first place.  Or consider running any of the tests that the nurse running triage in her snarly disrespectful manner kept insisting that they had already run.  Those wore me OUT!

What I witnessed from that charming woman was a direct contrast to all the signs placed about the room claiming that compassion and respect were their greatest attributes. I understand feeling overwhelmed and searching for your calm.  I've been there.  But to witness that to people that were ill, scared, feeling neglected and uncared for.  It was simply more than I could handle for a few hours.  And to keep stressing that a four hour wait was okay, well actually no it isn't.

I was distressed to see so many people using the Emergency Room as a general care facility.  Didn't all of our co-pays and cost for health insurance go up so that folks could see doctors?  What is up with all these Urgent care facilities.  I watched a man bleeding profusely wait for over 4 hours to be seen, he was told his bleeding was not as important as the steady stream of people coming in laughing, walking on their own two feet unassisted, carrying a full size pizza for the wait stating "yeah, I've had this stuffy head for a few weeks now, decided I'd better get it looked at".

Why is that still a thing?  I understand that Doctors are tough to get an appointment with, but seriously every Walgreens has a clinic and there are literally Urgent care clinics on every corner - most of them open until at least 9 pm.

I was worried about my sweet Hubs.

I'm still worried about him, but I have to admit that the stress of the past almost 24 hours at this point is tinged a bit with an odd mix of relief and anger.

I will admit to pure joy disposing of tobacco products might have had me a bit giddy! It has caused me so much stress.  The mom in me has been going crazy wanting to protect him from himself and unable to do anything.

I feel like I have an army surrounding us.  People have been calling, texting and emailing all day.  Full of support and love.  I know that many people love him and want the best for him.  I know that this army, this Y family as well as blood family and dear friends will help him when it feels too much.  He is going to get past this hurdle and be moving forward in no time at all.

I've dusted off my cookbooks and YDPP books, the same formula that worked before can work again.  We will start walking short walks as soon as he is feeling up to it.  By full on motorcycle season he will be healthy and strong again.  And I won't have to worry about that pesky tobacco.


Based on the past 24 hours, it's hard to believe we spent the weekend out on the motorcycle stealing the first full weekend of 2018 that was warm enough to ride.  If I had known he was worried about pain I wouldn't have ridden.  But knowing him.  I know exactly where his mind went.


Tomorrow I will return to my work world, he will rest in bed a bit longer.  Doc feels a couple of lazy days will do him good while those med's start working their magic.  We will all benefit as he adjusts to a bit less coffee and those first days away from tobacco from him resting at home.

Life is far too short and sometimes we need wake up calls.  Hubs is a very special man, I sometimes doubt he knows how loved and respected he is. His generous and loving spirit impacts people every day.  His gruff man in charge attitude is his shield. 

Every day I am thankful that I rarely if ever encounter that shield.  That instead, I am often his real life shield.  I am blessed to be able to protect and shelter that loving, kind and gentle man.  When you take a moment to know him... you truly understand why.

Now this very tired woman is going to sleep.  Four tortured hours of sleep in the midst of dealing with hospitals, pharmacies, and going to get his car and making healthy meals has me remembering that I am not superwoman and that I need rest also.

Hug your loved ones.  Because they are truly a blessing in this life! And thank the family and friends that are there when you need them, hands and hearts outstretched when you are worn and weary.

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