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Showing posts from February, 2015

Take me back to yesterday...

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There's a sweet little grand baby sleeping softly upstairs, she asked me to wake her up as soon as I got up. I'm going to have to tell her a little white lie.  Not a huge one, but Gramma needs a few minutes of silence, a few minutes to think and process the world around me.  A few minutes of nothing.  After I have that I will gladly wake her, help her get showered and dressed and ready to face the world.

It's been a week... a long and pretty much horrible week.  Hubster's has been in the hospital since Sunday when I had to call an ambulance to come and get him.  He's a mess.  I keep getting angrier at the silence from the doctors.  And they simply keep loading him up with more pain medication, all the while he is losing more and more use of his leg and the medication is getting stronger and stronger.

Frustration just might not be a strong enough word.

Our little Angel did not realize Grampa was still in the hospital, she was here when he'd gone, but she was su…

It's called living...

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Well hello Stranger... yep I read your mind.  I know I haven't written.  And it sure isn't about not having anything going on in life. Quite the opposite.  It's almost like too much life is going on, all the time.

I rush around each morning so I can take care of all the pets in the mornings, pack lunches and fix breakfast, somehow I used to be able to do that for more than just two people.  With ease.  Not sure what happened along the way to now.

Then I rush about all day trying to take care of everything in the hours that everyone has available.  Work, doctors, therapy... everything is vying for that same span of time.

Then rush home to start the same morning routine in reverse.  Walk the boys, fix the dinner, clean up if I can scrape together enough energy and then take care of the turtle, lizard, love on the cat and it's time to crash.

Not a very fulfilling way to live, that's for sure.  The weather hasn't been cooperating either.  We had a few drop dead g…

selfish...

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For a while now I have been dealing with some things that are making me tired.  Selfishness, nasty, lazy and a few other choice words come to mind when thinking about it.

Sweet Hubs knows it is taxing me to my limits.  Making me struggle with flares and simply wanting to just walk away from many things. He could simply ignore it, sooner or later I come to grips with things.  But he doesn't.  He handles things so different.

He lets me be selfish.

This morning as I hobbled down the stairs, cursing myself for not getting my knee/leg looked at, wincing at the pain each step caused, I am not good at taking time for myself and my own health.  I was feeling less than optimistic about the day.  It'd promised to be an amazing one, but I was already tired and cranky.  The ache had managed to rob me of most of the hours my eyes were closed, and the throbbing had already started for the day.  Rounding the corner and not seeing hubby I realized he was down in his Man Cave (or girl cave if…

a slap...

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How many of you have ever felt that defining moment.  The one that urges you to step back, take a look around and take a flying leap of faith?  How many have ever felt shoved to take a leap of faith? I've really been struggling with some decisions, I've been dealing with mountains, trying to figure out how to scale them and not create big changes.  Anyone that knows me, and knows me well, knows that change is really hard for me.

Sitting in the Walgreen's parking lot waiting for hubby's prescription to be ready, while he was at home suffering in pain because he'd done a bit too much on his first day back to work, I had my moment.  Surfing the net, kicking back and just unwinding from several really high stress days.  (Yeah, that is another no-no for me - I know.) Scrolling Facebook, checking emails, just your every day stuff you can do in a car while waiting.  I should have been finishing my socks, then I might not have been quite so... so... well, I don't even…