Sunday, February 22, 2015

It's called living...

Well hello Stranger... yep I read your mind.  I know I haven't written.  And it sure isn't about not having anything going on in life. Quite the opposite.  It's almost like too much life is going on, all the time.

I rush around each morning so I can take care of all the pets in the mornings, pack lunches and fix breakfast, somehow I used to be able to do that for more than just two people.  With ease.  Not sure what happened along the way to now.

Then I rush about all day trying to take care of everything in the hours that everyone has available.  Work, doctors, therapy... everything is vying for that same span of time.

Then rush home to start the same morning routine in reverse.  Walk the boys, fix the dinner, clean up if I can scrape together enough energy and then take care of the turtle, lizard, love on the cat and it's time to crash.

Not a very fulfilling way to live, that's for sure.  The weather hasn't been cooperating either.  We had a few drop dead gorgeous early days and then it's been a combination of bitter cold, snow, ice, bitter cold, freezing rain, snow, bitter cold.  I guess you are following that.  Normally not a problem, but this year, well it's been a struggle.  This year I realized that moving further from work, well, it simply takes some adjusting.

We needed to make fresh squeezed lemonade

Cooking our own breakfast
I am struggling to find that happy medium.  Right now it feels as though it simply isn't going to happen.  I am so thankful for my mini-me deciding that she needs to spend every other weekend with her Grampa and I.  I forces me to slow down, to savor the important things in life.  To laugh and be silly.  I am afraid if I did not have that I would be border line crazy by now.

Making Grampa be a silly kid again... whipped cream it is!

The sweetie sure knows what to request for dinner...
Hubs is not healing.  Oh the hip is great!  Absolutely wonderful in fact, full range of motion, probably works better that the other one.  But it seems that I should have been insisting I attend all appointments with him. Because... well arthritic and necrotic are two very, very different things and the original problem has never been addressed because it was discovered the hip was necrotic and had to be dealt with immediately.  And all the bed rest and therapy and the compensation while it's healed has only aggravated the original problem to the point of unbelievable!

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers, tomorrow morning we will take him to get a nerve block done on his L2.  If that works, please Lord, then we just need to chart the path forward for that.  It will probably mean one more surgery, but... that should be it!

I hope so!  I hate seeing him in so much pain.  And on the selfish side, I am tired.  Very, very tired.  I can't imagine how caregivers of long term patients do it.  My fibro has been fighting me like crazy, maybe if I didn't have my own demons?  Who knows.  But every step forward feels like 20 backward.  I feel like it would be okay if this insanity had not invaded every inch of my life.  If there was some area that was smooth and steady.  I am struggling to even find quiet time for coffee.

I mean come on coffee time should be sacred! I'm sitting here typing, looking out at the lingering snow, trying to ignore the fact that my phone just sent me another weather alert about the wind chill and listening to the non-stop sound of the turtle filter reminding me that I need to clean the tank today. Knowing I need to do my own physical therapy (ugghhh - whole different list of "what the's"), and regretting the fact that I couldn't sleep last night.

Please know I haven't gone away.  I just have such a limited amount of time to accomplish everything.  I am so far behind on everything, I owe folks quilts, soaps, socks, a giraffe.  I have more projects than I can budget time for at work, and I still haven't finished unpacking... And all I long for is somewhere quiet with hot coffee and no to-do list.


I guess it's starting to get to me a bit... I hope that if you are in one of those snow covered area's you are staying warm and safe.  If you are enjoying the warmth of sunshine, please forgive the rest of us while we hate on you a bit...  Slow down and enjoy the time with your families and loved ones...