one step at a time...

The soft blue sky of early spring, when it's slightly muted by hazy clouds.  A gentle breeze blowing my wind chimes.  And what feels like hundreds of birds all calling to their mates and warning others away from the spots they've declared their own.

The trees are all starting to get that soft haze of color.  The kind of pale greens and reds that make you squint, not sure if they are thinking of blooming or not.  And my hyacinths that I splurged on last payday when I needed some spring time and happiness are considering blooming.

It looks like spring is peeking around the corner, I guess it heard that it's officially spring time and it is definitely time to usher old man winter out the door.

It seems to be ushering the gloom out of our home and hubby's health too.  He's been on two different antibiotics for four days now.  And... I refuse to get my hopes up, but...

His color is returning, and he hasn't slept the day away.  This is such a positive and hopeful sign. I noticed last night and again this morning that he isn't dragging his leg as much and is moving quicker.  Could it really be as simple as an undiagnosed staph infection that was dragging him down, making him so very ill and weak?  I am so very hopeful!

Those wind chimes are so beautiful.

I am waiting on the last batch of cookies to bake.  I felt he could use a treat.  Someone recently told me to "chop wood and carry water".    At the time, I couldn't relate.  My fear was too real and I wasn't mentally able to tie it into something meaningful for myself.

I've spent the weekend chopping wood and carrying water, in my world it related better to my home base.  I can function in any setting when my "home" base is solid and feeling in order.

So I've carried laundry, ironed, vacuumed, grocery shopped, baked, cooked good meals, and then I have created.

Those things are always going to be at the core of me.

Sitting here listening to the chimes, the cycling of my gas stove, the sounds of outside I have been reflecting. A lot.  I am bone weary after this weekend, and yet I feel empowered and connected to the world around me in a way I haven't felt in months.  I was thinking about my thoughts at the new year, the things I was hoping for that didn't come to fruition.  I am not giving up on those things, I just don't feel they were meant to be in the timing that worked for me.

It's more so about God's time.  Everything happens in his time.  And only a foolish person thinks otherwise.

So this weekend I slowed down, I backed up, I focused on what my heart, my soul and my mind were needing.  When I drove places there were no phone calls.  When I sat quietly to crochet that is what I did. There was no music while I sewed or ironed.  Just silence.

I feel stronger for it.  I feel clear and ready.  I have been neglecting what makes me whole and in doing so I have been creating a very fragile, angry, hurt, sad person.  I am none of those things.  One weekend isn't the cure.  It isn't going to undo months or longer of neglect.  But it is a darn good start.

So as that soft breeze ushers in spring, I am prayerful that it is also ushering in the return of Hubby's health and my return to being whole.

Like I said... it's all about God's timing... now I need to go walk my boys in the sunshine...

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