touching down...

We finally stopped late last night.  It would have been a much earlier night, but Hubs accidentally put the wrong city in the GPS and after two hours of wild back roads and craziness with our new toy we arrived at our destination several hours later than planned. But we arrived. 

Climbing into bed last night was incredible our insanity had led us to being on the road almost non-stop for two days.  Hindsight being 20/20 we should have probably hit a local shop bought toothbrushes and toothpaste, called the kids and rescheduled dinner and stayed the night.  We simply didn't want to miss out on the opportunity to see them. 

Kind of like driving to Arkansas for a bit of time over two days with the California kids, I mean, you just do it. I would have loved to have gone back for a bit more time with them these past couple of days, but their schedule was simply too fluid and we didn't want to intrude. This was Dad's visit, not ours, so needless to say, we didn't want to intrude. 

These past eleven days have been the longest, the slowest and yet the fastest I have ever encountered in my life. I couldn't write about it for a bit, I had to process it.  I had to be okay with everything. To find the blessings in the missteps and realize that everything happens for a reason.  

The day before we left for our vacation we sold the Harley.  It was a very difficult decision, but Hubs' hip replacements didn't get agree with even a couple hours on the road and my knees made riding miserable for me.  I never did tell him, but the pain was pretty horrid when we would ride, I just kept hoping for the best and kept quiet.  I knew how much he loved to ride. We still had the convertible for wind therapy so... it was all good. 

The first day of our vacation started with the loss of my beetle.  I know, it's just a car, but if you know me well, you know it was very special to me. Hubs and the middle (formerly oldest) grand were out driving while we awaited the Cali kids arrival.  It was hot and humid, time seemed to be standing still as it always does when you are waiting for something amazing. 

The drive to Arkansas had been glorious, it was the first time Hubs had made the journey in the convertible with the top down, the threatened rain never happened and the temperature was perfect!

When I got the call a few hours after we arrived, my heart might have stopped for a moment.  "I've had an accident, we're okay, but you need to come and get us".  My husband and grand daughter in an accident.  My car.  It would be days before it all played out, my beautiful blue bug will eventually be sold for someone to salvage - the damage is mostly cosmetic - unfortunately when you hit a fence at 50 mph and you fly over a culvert a lot of things deploy that make it a poor financial decision to keep it. 

Accidents happen.  And I guess I wasn't meant to have it forever, even if that was my original plan.  I've cried a million tears, I've run the gamut from fear, relief, extreme anger and hurt back to acceptance.  Only positive lessons learned, is my sweet Hubs can be a knucklehead - but only with the absolute purest heart, my grand daughter is a loving human that had the crap scared out of her.  The safety features of my beloved bug, protected my precious family to the extent of only a few scratches and some aches for a couple of days.  And finally, if you are in the market for new car - I highly recommend that final edition collectors version.  Who knew a car could appreciate. 

The Cali kids arrived a few short hours later, which probably immensely helped my ability to process and deal.  Disaster immediately followed by pure joy, is like that spoonful of sugar helping the medicine go down. 

We had two glorious days with the Cali kids, we laughed, we boated, we hugged, we shared joy, we talked about a million things, we shared smiles and more laughter.  It was good for the soul.  I miss my Cali kid so much! I feel whole when I have both my babies with me. 

Somehow in the midst of it all, we arranged our journey home.  Do you know there is a rental car shortage?  Oh there definitely is!  I called every single rental agency in the greater Little Rock area - not a single car was available for over two weeks.  Oh yeah, and a bus trip would be 17 hours and 45 minutes - you think I will ever complain about the 5.5 hours it takes to drive there again? Nope. 

We checked trains to no avail and finally decided we could fly.  Hubs came up with that great idea!  Thank goodness.  As Hubs was searching for flights, I was praying for a non-stop, I don't mind flying - I hate layovers!! He found a lot of great rates (far less than a rental car would run) somehow my numb brain remembered I actually have frequent flyer miles, left over from those precious "pre-pandemic" days when I could fly to Cali to see the kiddo's.  

I am pretty sure that was the moment that cleared the fog, the moment that said stop feeling bad and look at the silver lining waiting for you.  We were able to get a flight home on the day we needed to leave, non-stop and for the outrageous price of $11.20 for the both of us. I almost fainted!  I assure you I kept checking to make sure it wasn't a joke or scam.  Nope, for reals!

With the help of my family we took care of the details of my car, rides to and from the airport, Mom came to the rescue when the tow company would only accept cash, my nephew runs the salvage yard that received it and did everything he could to try and save it. My Hubs and daughter offered to help me fix her.  The blessings abounded. 

And if I had stayed in that fussy, okay bitchy, mood I would have missed it all. 

I was looking forward to the Cali kids coming up here to the Lou, but plans changed.  At first my heart stung, I was rushing around trying to get everything ready.  Looking forward to spoiling them a bit, making his schnitzel and just enjoying some one on one time.  But Dad and his side of the family hadn't seen them in a long while and wanted to hold on to their precious time and the kids needed it too. 

I spent a few moments pouting, my heart hurting.  Simply because I have missed them so. After a call from my girl, I started to heal, I understood. Looking at my to do list, I realized that their decision had given me the blessing of time. I hadn't been sure how I was going to get everything done before leaving to Kentucky to meet up with Hubs' Big Sis.  They had given us the gift of time.  We'd only be in town for two days and had so much to get done before leaving again. 

I received the call that my car was a total loss on the drive to Paducah.  That was a blow to the solar plexus.  I was expecting it, I knew it the moment I saw her for the first time after the accident, but to hear it.  Wow.  It took me about 6 hours to accept their offer.  

More blessings.  Never had a car appreciate before. Needless to say, the pay off allows us to be free of a vehicle payment when Hubs retires.  Mine and his.  I've opted to not get a car, I seriously do not go roaming about during the week and if I am desperate, my girl lives a 10 minute walk away and has two vehicles - she can't drive both at a time, all is good. Besides, in a few short days I won't be able to drive for at least a month.

We had an amazing time in Paducah, who knew such a small town could keep us so busy.  Big Sis hadn't ever been there and she is just as addicted to quilting as we are.  We'd missed her and couldn't wait to see her.  And finally deliver Lucille to her.  We'd planned on doing some sewing while there so we'd taken Sophia and Marty (Hubs' featherweight) with us, needless to say, it didn't happen. There was simply too much to do!  

Hubs and I arrived early, so we explored some to the quirky shops that speak to my heart.  I was able to get a reading with one of my favorites at Wildhair Studio's Rock Shop (if you are ever there... stop in, Susan and her team are incredible and the energy is healing!) My reading was enlightening and healing.  I needed it more than I realized. Christina is awesome if you go!

We found several artisan's shops that filled my heart to the brim.  And sat for a bit in the cigar bar sipping bourbon.  A first for me, but why not. I needed time to show Hubs my new treasures from the Rock Shop, a breathtaking sphere of labradorite (for courage and strength) and of course a new deck of cards. We were simply killing time waiting for Big Sis to arrive, and enjoying our precious time together.  Her journey was a bit longer.

It was so wonderful to have that time together with her.  I love watching Hubs blossom when he is around her, they have spent far too much time apart. And the three of us together leads to a lot of laughter, deep conversation, shenanigans and joy. We spent time swimming (pool was far too cold), talking, laughing, shopping, playing pranks, sipping moonshine (oh yes I found one I LOVE - no I didn't bring any home - another reason to go back!!), wandering the quilt museum, finding yummy places to dine and playing cards.

I hated to see the visit end.  I think that the kids changing their plans was a gift to our visit with Big Sis, it was unrushed and able to be embraced and enjoyed without guilt. It was our treasure!

Side note: HOLY MOSES if you are a quilter, or I guess just a sewing enthusiast in general, Hancock's of Paducah is an experience to not miss.  I believe we were in there for several hours. 

On Monday we finally found the camper of our dreams (unlike anything either of us had thought we wanted) and yesterday we finally brought it to St. Louis.  We were blessed again.  It's a 2019 and has only been used 3 times.  The dealer that serviced it was stunned at how new everything was.  Heck the plastic protection is still on all of the appliances. We are simply changing our recreation - we both love to camp!

Today... Hubs is back at work and I am faced with a house that has been used as a landing pad between journeys, stacks of laundry and tons of stuff to do.  I still need to deal with the few remaining bits for my car, I need to figure out the DOR and letting them know as it was due to have it's license renewed.  I have to get everything lined up and ready for when I have my surgery on the 3rd.  

In other words the world has returned. 

I was talking to one of my sisters during the chaos and she said something so profound to me.  She was definitely part of my mental shift.  I was in the midst of a pity party, my heart was still uneasy, I was feeling sorry for myself.  And she gently scolded me, she challenged me to look at things from a different lens.  I was listing the things that had appeared to be low spots in my life this year.  I was not loving 2021 by a long shot.  The covid/pneumonia and my hospital stay, the month of recovery, the stress of my former career, leaving my job, now the loss of my car and my impending knee replacement.  Yep, I was definitely having a HUGE pity party.  Yet as she switched it up for me it ended up looking like this...

* Hospital/Illness - I survived, I got to deeply rest (I was so exhausted at the time - probably why I got sick in the first place).  I was able to reset expectations of myself, to see myself as something more than a cog in the machine.

* Job - I'm happier than I have ever been.  I have had time to enjoy the things I love, spend time with my grands and family, go on trips that might not have happened, start exploring my future with clear eyes, head and heart.  I have time to take care of myself and my health, Hubs' too. 

* Car - everyone survived without injury, it paid off both vehicles and allowed us to finally make the decision to buy a camper (something we've been day dreaming about), it sets us in a great financial spot for when Hubs retires. 

* Knee - no more pain, the ability to enjoy doing the things I love again. I am able to heal and do my therapies without interruption so that I can heal completely.

If you are using the right lens in life the best things come to you. I was looking at the dirty outside, I wasn't counting the shining blessings inside that are now so obvious.  

I couldn't be more thankful.

It's been an insane 11 days.  We've packed so much into the moments.  The great, the not so great, the eye opening, the heart healing... so very, very much has happened in such a short window of time.  

I'll be honest, I am still processing.  I am still exploring every great thing this journey has brought to us.  And it's brought more than I can comprehend. 

Celebrate your life, enjoy the journey, instead of misfortunes look for what the hiccups prevented you from experiencing. And remember that each closed door was put there to invite you to look for something better that is waiting for you!

the light wins...

I'm in a much clearer and healthier mental state today.  Thank goodness for family and friends to work through the darker thoughts and feelings.  They are still there, lingering in the back of my mind, I'm still working through my feelings on the world today.  Yet, it seemed like the universe heard my angst and sent all my guardian angels to lift my spirit and show me that hope still prevails.  Every time I turned around there was something else that was wonderful or uplifting. There was joy, there was hope.  A quick text from a daughter filled with love, a hug of love and gratitude from a grand daughter that rarely hugs (she's in that season of life), a chat with the sweet boyfriend as I gave him a lift to work (huge respect for a kiddo that got a work permit and job the first day he was eligible).  Social media stories poured in from everywhere and icing on the cake, dinner with the eldest and her hubby, filled with laughter, joy and hope. 

The world is not a terrible place.  And I need to remember that the media (all types) shine a light on the worst of the worst, because they can.  I still feel that there is too much anger and hatred right now, and sometimes I slide into that space of believing that evil is winning.  It isn't. There is a balance between light and dark, all of us are comprised of both.  I mean you can't see the light if not for the dark.  Yesterday, I was tired of the dark.  I was overwhelmed by it. 

Ironically, yesterday was the bright cheery day, this morning is drab and dreary.  Inside, I feel brighter and more optimistic. I feel hope again. 

The brightest spot last night for me was my sweet Hubs. Having his oldest in his life is still so crazy new, less than a year, although it feels like it's always been there.  We hope that some day she will get to meet the boy and his sweetie, so our world will feel a bit more complete.  Heck, we'd love all of them to be together at once.  Anyhow, every time he is  going to be with her I feel like I am watching a young school boy getting ready for his first date.  He's nervous, edgy, rushing to look just perfect, he smiles uncontrollably. It is so precious.  She waited her entire life to find him.  I am fairly certain he could be an ogre with one tooth and she would still love him, but he is still nervous. 

Those smiles don't lie!

The conversation flows and dances when they are together.  I love looking at two identical smiles and eyes.  She even crinkles hers the same when she smiles.  We are blessed that she found him. We don't often get to spend time alone with her, so time with just her and her hubby was pretty special. 

In a strange way our day revolved around our kids yesterday.  It was incredible, as sometimes in the crazy busy world we live in we forget the little bits that make it whole. 

The sprinkles on the night for me happened as the kids were getting ready to leave, and watching Hubs act like a kid at Christmas when "Marty" arrived. 

Hello Marty 😍

I don't know if you remember I told you that I'd searched out a 1952 Singer Featherweight for him.  I don't mind sharing mine, but I definitely wanted him to have his own.  He kind of pushed back, saying he didn't need or want one, that he would just use mine.  And again, I don't mind sharing.  But... he needed his own. 

"Marty" as he has named her, she's short and feisty just like the other Marty in his life whom he dearly loves, arrived just as the kids were gathering to leave.  As he set the box on the table I knew he would be opening it.  I knew that nothing was going to control the excitement flashing in those sparkling blue eyes. 

Marty was the ooops machine.  The one that absolutely no one bid against me on, still can't believe that one. And she is in fantastic shape! A little roughness in a spot on the bed and a small missing piece in her bakelite power terminal block plug - which I've already got a replacement for.  Other than that pristine!  

He is over the moon excited, cannot wait to switch to "his" machine for him current project, silly guy wasn't even going to give me time to clean her up.  He was just ready to sew.  I mean it is nothing more than an all black power tool. 

Lucille is waiting for a part ❤

Lucille is waiting for a part to arrive, so she is going to take a longer nap during her spa day, it will become a spa week and I am going to dig into Marty this morning, time for her/his spa day.  My own sewing projects keep getting shelved for the moment, they are small and can wait. This is far more important.  

The only one I have dug into at all yet is the 1950 Centennial machine.  I am sitting here looking at her sitting on the other side of the room.  Now that Hubs, has fallen deeply in love with Marty, I can officially name and claim her. 

Introducing Mildred Pearl - Millie for short

I fell in love with this one for some reason the moment I saw her, and I am very excited to finally get her cleaned, oiled, lubed and running.  I'm going to name her Mildred Pearl.  Millie for short.  Mildred was my great grandmother.  And I definitely feel I got my love of creating from her.  I never really got to spend time with her, but there was always something crafty or quilty happening at her home.  The gifts were made with love and shared with more love. I have boxes of her unfinished quilts and I have been burning to get started on them.  I think I will finish all of them on Millie. 

Well, I need to get busy today, not much time to sit around and chat.  We are heading out for a series of short vacation trips on Saturday.  By Saturday night, I will get to hug my boy for the first time in almost 18 months, I miss him so much, I wish he was closer.  And I will drive as much as I have to for the snippets of time around his visit with his Dad. Facebook keeps reminding me of the last time I spent summer time with him, 3 long years ago. So many plans before August 3, and time feels like it is in warp speed. 

from my heart...

I didn't sleep well last night.  It could have been that my mind was whirling (it was) or that I had taken a middle of the day nap (I was positively wiped out yesterday) whatever the reason at 1:23 am I was wide awake. No rest for the weary or wicked. 

I tried all my usual tricks to fall back asleep, read something boring, meditation, pure silence.  It simply didn't work. I guess I tossed and turned enough to disrupt Hubs as he wandered off to the guest room. And yet I still couldn't sleep. 

I usually ignore Nextdoor posts, because the only place worse for hate and discontent than Facebook would be Nextdoor.  I sometimes doubt that it is truly designed to bring people together in so much as it is to shine a spotlight on all the true haters in this world.  The ones that cannot communicate without it evolving into hatred and dislike for a group, an idea, a person, a lifestyle, a... you get the picture.  

Yet, around 2:45 am, still wired and awake I stumbled on a string on Nextdoor that had my full attention.  Since starting this new season in my life, I have pretty much stopped watching any form of news, I used to be a junkie, now I realize 90% of it is simply propaganda for one message or another.  So in my refusal to participate, I had missed the fact that for the second time this year we had a shooting at the mall that is only about 3 miles from our home. 

As I read about it, the immense sadness that overtook me was a bit overwhelming.  It wasn't a random shooting, it wasn't some crazed, doped up human looking to make a name for himself.  My guess is that they were friends or at least companions.  

Both from out of the area, out here because there are so few malls left.  They were in a shoe store and it seems some type of argument occurred.  An argument that left a 20 year old dead and a 21 year old in jail for murder. 

Reading all the comments stunned me.  I personally do not own a gun, nor do you want me shooting one.  I've tried, for someone with great hand/eye coordination, I definitely do not have hand/eye/target coordination.  Just isn't my thing.  I also do not believe that I have ever seen a gun randomly decide to kill someone, nor do I believe that most of the guns that are used in crimes are legally obtained.  If so there would be a lot more dead people, if you think of the number of legally obtained guns. That is simply my opinion and I am not arguing with anyone that has a different one.  Truthfully, opinions are like butt holes, everyone has one, and no one else needs to take yours. I firmly support everyone's personal beliefs. Yet the attacks over guns and the right to bear arms blew me away. 

I was more disturbed by the fact that most people missed the fact that two young men had their lives taken (in two different ways) because one of them felt the need to go shopping with a gun and they couldn't resolve their dispute in a rational manner.  I'm questioning what is leading so many young people to feel so strongly that they can only resolve a disagreement in a violent, permanent manner. Why does life now come with an alt-control-delete button series?

I felt an overwhelming need to pray.  It is the only thing I can do at this point, maybe we need more prayers and prayer warriors.  Pray for a world that is rapidly attacking itself.  Where people are hurting each other without care or thought.  The only semi-positive, and I am using that term very loosely, was that the young man that fired the shot turned himself in. 

How can that be positive?  At least he is taking responsibility for his action. As horrific as it is. 

This isn't about just a random shooting, it isn't about gun rights, it isn't just about rudeness.  Frankly, my heart is hurting for human decency. One of the primary reasons I am staying to myself so much, why most of what I post/share is neutral as all get out or positive stuff, it's because the anger of this world is tiring me out. 

Even in my own extended family people are so polarized they are harming one another emotionally.  They are allowing outside crap to tear apart the love of a family.  

It's exhausting.  And it seems like everything coming up and out is designed to be polarizing, hate-filled, a you against me kind of crappy thing.  One of the most powerful things I have listened to lately I didn't share.  Why?  Because the message would have been lost on many and those many, would have had a "comment" in an argumentative stance. But that gentleman's passionate speech filled my very soul with hope.  Hope in the face of a hate filled topic, there's a concept for you!

The media is a sheer propaganda tool, you don't realize it until you step completely away from it.  And once you do, you have the ability to see that the world around you, isn't the world they are telling you is around you.  They deal in fear.  

For far too many years I pleaded to just see some good news, it's literally all around us, yet nothing ever made the news or if it did it was after all the hate, damage, blood, fear.  For years Hubs made the comment to my plea with "if bleeds it leads".  Truth.  What is the purpose? 

As this world changes, I find myself drawing further and further into myself.  I find myself not wanting to visit or even talk to people I love, because of the hatred I watch being spewed when someone doesn't agree with their point of view.  It breaks my heart. I will also admit there is an irony in my own family that blows my ever loving mind.  I love it, truly I do, but it startles me each time I see it. It's in the way that the ones I never expected to be the narrow minded attackers are and the ones that I expected to see if from it is not there.  

We really need to step away from things.  Take some time alone and away from the world.  It is definitely eye opening.  And then as a race, you know the HUMAN race, we need to start remembering why we are here.  We need to remember that we are the only species that destroys one another seemingly for sport. 

And we seriously need to look at what our children are being taught, the role models they are following, the home life they have, the lessons they are learning and from where.  Because two young men shouldn't have had their lives ended.  They should just be beginning their journeys. They should have been able to say let's agree to disagree, this is stupid. It shouldn't have ended in a pool of blood, families and lives forever shattered and changed.

I am seriously not expecting anyone to agree with me, each of us have our own journey and our own lessons.  All I am asking is that if you read this and you disagree with me, do so respectfully.  Just as I do with your opinions, thoughts and actions.  Do so in love, as I will always do with you. 

As for me, I'm going to continue to pray and meditate and hope that in my lifetime this awful shift that has been occurring can reverse itself.  That love will become far more important than hatred.  That people will start finally looking for the good and celebrating that, because there is a lot of it!

Peace out friends.

a day of rest...

Stumped.  

I hate when something stops my progress and answers are hard to find.  I am now impatiently waiting for the shop to open, pacific standard time, if at all today, to answer a question regarding gib hooks. I definitely do not have patience today.  

Ironically, I started that statement yesterday.  But my lack of sleep, because I had been problem solving most of the night - I loathe an unsolved challenge, and my fussiness at not being able to complete my project had me highly irritated.  So I didn't write.  I kept problem solving. And spending quality time with an equally fussy Hubs.  Good times!

I don't have all the answers, but I definitely have a plan b, plan c and possibly a plan d.  Plus I will make another call to the shop.  They were closed yesterday, as I expected.  I will reach out to them in a couple of hours, as the folks I want to chat with are on Pacific time. 

Hubs is working on a special project and honestly, it has him frazzled.  If I could simply get him to relax and kick back he would be just fine.  He's doing a great job!  I am duly impressed.  This is the first time he's tackled something like this, even though he has completed 4 other quilts. He has the skills, he's just over-thinking. 

I'd enjoyed a peaceful morning problem solving.  Although, I was fussy because no matter what I did, no matter how much research, I couldn't solve it.  It didn't tamper my enthusiasm, it simply made me fussy.  Hubs had slept in, unusual, so I know he was tired.  We'd both stayed up way past our usual bedtime for two straight nights.  Once for fireworks and once working on Sis's featherweight.  We were simply engrossed in the work and couldn't help ourselves. 

After we determined that I needed to reach out to the experts and also come up with plan b & c, it was time to move to my office and work on his project.  First off, the pattern is poorly written.  Great pattern, far too complexly written directions for such a simple project.  As a result I have been focused on reading ahead and putting things in easier terms.  Why the struggle? But you can't complain too much about a free pattern.  You simply love it for what it is and practice gratitude for the gift. 

His stress level is so high doing something when it feels like the first time, I mean it's been about 8 years, maybe a bit longer.  That his fussy and my fussy were about to fight.  I understood, completely.  I get myself tied in knots when I'm working on a new type of project, or one I haven't done in forever.  Block of the month anyone? (I haven't stopped working on those, they are saved in my recovery pile right now). We were both simply worn and in a space. 

After a few hours, where I thought he was going to strangle me for speaking a "strange language" to him, we decided on a lunch break. Which was followed by him taking a nap. Gotta say that nap sounded so wonderful.  I decided I might like to take one also, I even went upstairs and fully intended to do so.  I had everything ready for a nap, until I walked into my sewing room. 

It seemed to call me.  I went in to make sure everything was turned off, no need to burn the house down while we slept after all, when Sophia started singing her little siren's song. A few short moment's later my fingers threw the power switch, I watched myself open a template I've been longing to try and my scrap bin came out. 

Somehow in a daze I completed the block I was wanting to make.  There was no sound in the room and I was able to be completely lost in my creative process. Almost two hours later, Hubs came strolling in refreshed and his normal sweetheart self.  Creating had reset my emotions also.  We chatted as he watched me do the final touches for the block I was working on. I even joked with him that he'd missed the magic when he went down to make us each a Bloody Mary (thank you eldest daughter - they were amazing).  

I have 36 years of sewing experience - which is incredibly disturbing and aging now that I think about it.  I asked him to not compare his skills to mine. Moments later he was whipping through his project and I did some finishing touches on mine and started marking the wall to hang the design wall.  We only stopped when we'd enjoy the Bloodies a bit too much and were having trouble focusing. 

As I was wrapping up my evening gratitude before sleeping, I couldn't help but remember the saying from "The IT Crowd", did you try turning it off and turning it on again. I think far too often we forget that same saying applies to people too. 

Stepping out of the moment and into a restful state, allowed each of us to have a much better day.  I mean as parents we know when baby gets fussy it's time for a nap or rest.  Why as human adults do we not do this.  Heck not even just adults.  I remember as a teen stretching out on my floor and closing my eyes - just going to rest for a moment I'd always say - and then wake up disoriented and wondering why I was on the floor asleep. 

Frankly, I think we as a species need to remember that sleep doesn't have to be in just an 8 hour chunk at night. And that rest isn't always about sleep.  I worry that our world has gotten far too busy.  That people aren't staying in a good place mentally, because most people never unplug.  

Two hours of absolute quiet, focused on a project is not a "gift" I would have thought about giving myself a few months ago. I would have been far too focused on the list of chores waiting for my attention, the dreaded "to do" list was highly powerful then.  Not so much now.  And as a result my mental health and happiness levels are so much higher now. 

Resting is so important.  Time to do exactly what you want to do for yourself, without any interaction from anyone.  Sleep, read, write, create, meditate or anything else that makes you feel whole.  When you feel like you are giving from an empty cup, you have nothing left to give. 

Yesterday ended up being such a relaxing, wonderful, creative and special day.  All out of an ordinary day that included a bit of rest. 

celebrating together...

And the rockets red glare... Happy Independence Day everyone!  Maybe it's being a "brat" that makes this day so much more powerful for me or maybe it is because I am very proud to be an American.  At any rate, my patriotic blood runs strong.  And I have such great memories associated with this awesome day.  

I am well aware that our country is struggling right now, in a big way.  I pray daily for right to prevail, for everyone to have the freedoms that have long been fought for.  I come from a family line that has proudly served our country for generations.  They have stepped up to defend freedoms as far back as I can trace. 

Last night we sat outside at our oldest grand daughter's house watching her husband and two brother-in-laws set off fireworks.  It lasted for over an hour, not counting all the let's make noise ones that went off earlier in the evening. And you definitely can't count the "is it dark enough, because I can't wait" ones. Sweet Hubs' definitely had to get in on the bangs as well. 

this is where you insert all the ohhs and awes... 

It was a double celebration as grandson in law's birthday is July 4th.  It was such a great time.  Although we missed the family that wasn't there, Hubs' oldest was visiting her husbands family in Iowa.  And of course the boy and the dragon were far from home.  It was wonderful to hang with the girls.  It was a time full of laughter, love, hugs and genuine happiness. 

As we were leaving the oldest grands' place last night Hubs made the awesome discovery of a HUGE flag hanging a street over.  It was fantastic.  Their little community is definitely patriotic.  It warmed my heart watching families walking in the dark, enjoying fireworks from every angle, seeing so many flags and displays.  It was absolutely incredible. 

Pretty sure we are hanging at home today.  I feel tired, but also a strong need to not go anywhere.  We have quilts and machines to work on and a house to tidy from doing all of that.  

Besides that my anxiety is starting to grow. As I opened my eyes this morning, I realized that in a month exactly I will turn 56.  In a month exactly I will start the day with a new knee.  While I am sure before long I will admit that it is a great idea.  Right now, it feels bigger than I can deal with.  I've had minor surgeries, just like most people.  I have never had major surgery.  And despite the fact that I have great confidence in my doc, I'm afraid, I'm apprehensive, I'm overwhelmed by the thought. 

So I am choosing to stay home based. In my little bubble of calmness, where I have control of what goes on. 

If I chose to see more fireworks tonight, I definitely know where to look for them.  Heck, I think I just need to head toward St. Charles, drop the top on the convertible and see them from every direction.  But for now the extent of my day is planned at home.  

Hubs has all of the featherweight cases shut into one of the bathrooms with the ionizer.  They had strong smells.  Some were moldy, some smelled like a hay barn, some simply had the smell that comes with old items stored improperly for far too long.  Once they stop smelling, probably by tonight, they will either go back into use or they will wait their turn to be rehabbed.  

I am going to completely rehab mine, as it is definitely beyond salvation with the fabric - but is structurally great. The fabric was ordered today. Although I fear that project is going to be an after recovery project.  I can only squeeze so much into the next few weeks.  Especially considering we will be traveling for almost 10 days right in the middle. 

I hope each of you has a fantastic holiday, that you celebrate all the brave American's that have given their all to give you the right to have whatever beliefs you have and the voice to say them.  I hope you enjoy the times of fun, laughter, apple pie, and barbecue that are ubiquitous with this time of year and savor the memories of times past.  

I intend to, even if just quietly with Hubs.

best life...

Sitting in the treetop garden waiting for the sunrise on a cool Saturday morning with my Hubs is just about the most perfect start to a weekend that I can imagine. Top it off with hot coffee and the Amazon country classics channel that is playing all the favorites from the past.  

Beautiful memories stirred up listening, closed my eyes to listen to Roger Miller sing King of the Road and was blessed with Dad dancing through my mind singing along.  The tears the welled up were sweet and bitter at the same time. I struggle to actually visualize loved ones that have crossed over, I have the beautiful memories of the time, but to fully visualize is not something that happens often. I guess my Dad was just checking in on me. Because he was there full and completely,  smiling with a cigarette in his hand as he danced and sang. When I opened my eyes a beautiful bright red cardinal was sitting on the feeder looking at me.

one of my favorite pictures of dad...
stole it from my brother in law - Thanks Joe!

A cool morning hanging with my favorite men. What could be better?

Well, what could be better is not having my internet unavailable to me, due to too much usage.  Okay, that isn't better than the way the morning started, but it definitely interrupted my flow and thoughts. Hubs and I are allowing our neighbor to use our internet as he works from home and he has a different carrier and is down for the next week.  We are being the kind of people that we hope other's will be for us, unfortunately, it is causing us to have massive challenges accessing our internet due to bandwidth issues. I am getting a bit tired of not being able to use my own service, but I am trying to be a good neighbor. 

This morning was such a joyful way to start things off.  Hubs is off for a long weekend and we have so much planned.  So the peacefulness of enjoying the world waking up was absolutely perfect.  I cherish time spent enjoying the sunrise.

The 1948 Featherweight was unboxed last night.  Sis was on live with us while we opened it.  She needs a bit of work, but not a ton. And I have to admit that it was killing Hubs and I both to not start on her last night.  Lucille is a beauty. 

But... she is going to wait.  Not for long, but at least a few hours this morning.  Hubs has some more cutting to complete, I am going to have to get pushy.  We both suffer from the same disease, Iwannadoitallnow, and focusing on one thing at a time is super difficult for us.  I am scheduled to have my knee replaced on August 3.  I know as I get closer to the end of the month, I am going to get more anxious and stressed, I am not going to be a good teacher. 

Our plan has been to focus on his project this weekend, in fact I am pretty sure I am holding off on my next long arm project so that he has time to work on his. The only thing we have going on at all this weekend is going to our oldest grand daughter's house tonight for fireworks and celebrating.  Other than that, it's going to be a quilt making sweatshop in these parts! Hmmmmm... they don't have laws against senior labor do they?  I definitely don't want to get on the wrong side of the law. 

I am going to work on some handwork, while coaching Hubs.  I've decided to complete that quilt I made on the 99K, Dorothy deserves her first project at my hands completed.  He doesn't need my entire attention staring at him and trying not to correct each step.  That is how you learn, by doing it yourself. So the handwork will distract me enough that I am letting him learn.

I also finished the little spool pin Dresden plate  last night.  I was so frustrated yesterday when I realized that my desire to purchase a featherweight button hole maker would not have been stupid, even though I don't make clothing very often anymore.  And that my beloved Pfaff was purchased for her quilting abilities not her dressmaking ones, so it also could not do the button hole I needed.  Thank goodness I don't believe in a no win scenario and channeled my inner pioneer woman.  I simply made it the truly old fashioned way and stitched it by hand.  

I'm quite tickled with how precious it turned out and I see many of them coming to life in my future!

I have to admit, that I am happy that Hubs is willing to walk in my crazy with me.  That he has unbelievable faith in our ability to make things work out the way we want.  I have always been the skittish one, the one afraid to "step out of the boat".  He's always been the one that says what the hell, let's jump right in, it will all work out just fine. 

I cherish this amazing man!

I am truly blessed to by his presence in my life.  He's healed so many old wounds, he's always made me laugh and smile.  And even when his bull-headedness collides with mine we manage to walk the path together until we are both okay with the resolution, with neither of us having to back down. Although I think the greatest gift he brings to our life is his unwavering, blinding belief that all things are possible.  His faith is inspiring and a bit terrifying.

I am cautious to a fault.  Always ready with a full planned out path, and then a plan B and C.  To the point of being frozen.  He's the one that says lets throw caution to the wind and JUMP!

That passion is what is allowing me the freedom and joy to follow my dreams. I am so grateful to be able to jump! 

Well my friends, there are smoothies waiting to be made, projects that need attention and my coffee is cold.  

Time to JUMP!

accomplished...

I'm being lazy today.  Perhaps it is the fact that it is a beautiful temperate morning, perhaps it's the fact that I was up half the night.  Around 3, I almost gave up and got up and started working. I am seriously having issues with having a regular schedule since I no longer have one. 

I have chores I need to accomplish today, but my heart is seriously wanting to finish up the little pink/yellow quilt that my youngest grand has claimed.  I finally applied the knowledge I learned in the class I took - yep, chalk one up to the slow learner category - took my entire longarm apart yesterday and installed and checked everything on my stitch regulator.  What a difference that made. Proper thread, proper tools... finished quilting in less than an hour.  Ridiculous, right? I spent about 3.5 hours tearing out the bad quilting, and only one hour after putting my new knowledge to use.

Hubs and I ran out last night to get the binding, as the one I originally picked up simply looked silly.  That will be my first project today.  I will get the machine portion done and then clip the binding for handwork.  Then it goes in the pile for handwork, some of that is reserved for traveling - and goodness knows we are planning to be traveling a bit this month. Some of it is held over for quiet evening time with Hubs.  And some will be there while I am recuperating and not feeling up to standing at the long arm or sitting at my desk. 

My sister-in-law (Sis) surprised me with a "care package" yesterday.  It was full of little treasures.  A Dresden plate spool pin doily kit, totally the next project today.  Sophia is going to look stunning in it! A sweet little flower pot, that I need to get started today.  And an apron to make, full of joy just like my treetop garden.  Who knows, all of that may happen today.  It feels like a day spread before me like a buffet, where to start, what looks the yummiest, dessert before dinner?  How do I decide what is dinner?

This could all be the reason that I am struggling to sleep at night. Everything used to be stashed for later.  For that moment in time that I finally had time.  Now that I have the time, I am struggling hard to decide what to do first, I want to do it all, some of it has waited for so many years and other projects keep popping into the cue. 

Last night Hubs and I pulled one of my rescued tops out of the pile.  I had bought everything to complete it back in March, but it has slowly slid down the priority list.  My struggles with my current long arm were wearing me out and I didn't want to tackle it. Now that I have figured out what I was doing wrong I am anxious to start it.  It will get it loaded up this weekend, as I need Hubs' help.  This one is a total beast!  It's a king size, although it will ultimately live on the queen size bed.  Colors of the king room would clash, and I am not changing that room - I love it!

I will probably not get a ton of work done on it this weekend.  I am holding most of the weekend sacred for Hubs.  He is working on a special project and I want to be there to support and refresh his skills.  He hasn't done any quilting in roughly seven years and never true piecework (although he rocks at t-shirt and picture quilts).

And of course the newest featherweights start arriving today.  Sis' baby is first!  And we are so excited to work on it for her and make sure she's purring like a kitten.  I don't believe that Lucille will take much work, but we definitely want to give her a deep cleaning - inside and out - and make sure she has all her bits in perfect working order and that she is shining like a new penny.  Sis is going to be so happy.  I will video call her today so that she can watch her being unboxed.  I hate that she lives so far away, if she were closer she could definitely enjoy the moment first hand.

The 1950 centennial is supposed to arrive tomorrow and then the 1952 - oops did I really do that and not get outbid? - arrives middle of next week.  It will be a week of working on featherweights.  No, I am not completely addicted.  And no, I haven't decided what we are doing with the centennial.  We've toyed with cleaning her up and putting her up for sale - not sure I want to do that. But the grown up in my head is screaming what sane person needs 3 featherweights.  Then I have to argue back because whoever said I was sane?

Dorothy is ready for action!

I am going to reach out to my younger sister and see if she would like to borrow either a 66 or a 99 for a bit to try them out.  If she does, I might loan her Dorothy.  She is having a few struggles with her newer machine and I think if she tries one of my vintage babies she will fall in love.  New machines don't have the "teeth" the vintage ones have. Sure they have lots of bells and whistles, but when quilting, bells and whistles are totally not required. 

The doorbell just rang.

Lucille has arrived!  Squeal!  Time to let Sis know!!!!! Now I have to sit and wait for Hubs to be home for the day... this is painful!  Although if she wants I will definitely open the box without him.  I will be nice and wait for him to arrive to start her cleaning.

So many fun and interesting things happen in my new office, it's a tad messy at times, but creating is messy.  No matter what you are creating, heck even creating a new you has many messy parts, but the end result... fabulous!

I read a statement today that really resonated with me, "Please don't lose the best years of your life being loyal to a toxic ______" it said person, but I feel any word or phrase could fit there.  Toxic is toxic.  Find the beauty and joy in all you do!