processing....

I've started this one a few dozen times, maybe more.  The past few weeks have been filled with so much trauma.  Globally, nationally, locally, in my immediate circle.  I am finding myself pulling back, deeper and deeper into my own personal bubble.  I don't know that I know how to process everything I am watching happen.  I don't know that I know how to participate in a world that is so filled with hate and ugly, so full of desperation and anger.  The sense of loss is intense, it's everywhere.  Not all of it is human lives - although that number is far too high and rising rapidly.  

I've had a bit of a head cold for the past week.  Which has left me far too much time to absorb everything around me.  I'm still fighting it, and I definitely shared it with Hubs, I mean misery loves company right?  I've been intentionally blocking things at this point. Pushing myself to stop lying around and feeling miserable.  Making myself be useful, I can be just as stuffy and weary while working as I can laying around.  And when busy, I have less of a temptation to explore the darkness that is swirling. 

As I was making a jar of honey, cloves and garlic for my sister this morning, I had time to think.  In the silence rolling the garlic cloves to remove the skin, it felt like therapy. It gave me time to focus on things that I need to process, things I need to see my way to the other side of.  

Is anyone else feeling that the world around us is dark?  Filled with a density that feels off?  Where people are struggling, lost, unable to find their way?  There are deaths that are beyond tragic everywhere.  I'm not going to play the "whatabout" games that I see swirling.  No murders are okay.  A loss due to suicide is heart wrenching.  I mean I am the person that says a prayer for every animal I see that is dead on the side of the road, so that should help you understand where my spirit is. 

But it isn't even just deaths.  It's the reactions.  Three young people in two weeks have ended their own lives publicly here in our local area.  What in the world is going on?  When did we all stop valuing life?  Not just life the same as ours, not just live that agreed with us, or looked or prayed or... you get the point right?  The young people seem jaded to it.  The old seem weary.  

Personally, at least for now, I am having to pull into myself.  I need to work through the darkness.  And it isn't even just about death.  It's how ugly people are becoming to one another.  

Maybe I am a bit of a hippy, I don't know.  If you are a good, kind, loving person you are my tribe.  You are the ones I want to be around, that I want to experience life with.  If you are dark, hateful, malicious... well I'm definitely not sticking around.  I won't hate you, I won't do things that could harm you in any way, but I will definitely put distance between us. I want us all to live and let live.  I want for all of us to lift the energy, the passion for life, the goodness.  I don't understand the struggles. I am telling anyone what is acceptable, I am simply defining my acceptable. 

I know I'm not a "normal" person in today's world.  I understand that I am different.  I'm starting to question if the world might need more odd balls like me.  I am not trying to win any popularity contests, I don't really care about most of the things that matter so much to folks these days.  Come to my house and you are probably going to be a bit stunned.  I'll fix you a cup of tea, coffee, ice water - you name it - might be a bit lean on alcohol, but hey, we'll manage.  And then we can chat, we can explore tons of topics or ideas.  Just brace yourself. 

It's not pristine clean, it's healthy.  And possibly a bit chaotic for those that thrive on order and perfection.

My kitchen island is where I do a lot of my daily work.  There you will find an assortment of jars.  Some with healing mixtures, a tincture here or there.  Home made dog treats abound. Of course there will be the odds and ends of my freeze drying adventures, the samples waiting to be snacked on or used up. 

On the kitchen table (the one we never eat at) you will find an assortment of plastic plates with my chicken scratch on them telling you what seed is drying where. Currently they are all flowers, I might have developed a mild obsession.  The purple hulled peas finally finished drying and were put in storage jars today, so that space is clear for the next project. 

The freeze dryer is running and I filled trays of freshly harvested produce ready for the next batch.  I'm having to work quickly to be able to preserve the goodness before the season is over.  I want to be sure that my trips to a grocery store are few and far between.  I've become a bit radical about watching the chemicals that we consume, place on our skin or feed the pups. I try to control as much of it as I possibly can I'm tired of being a test subject for companies to make millions off of. 

My spare time is usually spent doing research on a myriad of topics that are no longer taught.  I refuse to throw in the towel and conform to this sterile and controlled world we seem to be evolving into. Learning about things that are important, yet hard to find information on is inspiring and educational. 

For example, Hubs had an appointment with his doc this week, he was curious to see her take on his thyroid.  A month ago, it was as swollen and painful as ever, the medication didn't seem to be helping at all.  I did a ton of research and asked him to trust my crazy.  He did.  For three weeks he's been applying the cream to his neck.  Doesn't seem like a long time does it?  Surprisingly, it's enough time that there has been dramatic shrinkage, to the point his doc took notice.  To the point that after many years of medication, it's possible that he will have it reduced at the next visit in eight short weeks. Sometimes the old ways are still the best.

I crave learning things that we are being asked or guided to forget.  Primarily because there is no profit to it (FYI - every time I see the word profit - my brain shows me a snippet of one of the Star Trek series - I don't remember the characters names - just the green skin and the huge ears - talking about how worthless something was because of the lack of profit - weird).

I will spend hours lost in those crazy, places.  They used to be lonely.  They used to be places where only those of us that are different spent time. Those of us that have never really fit in could spend hours there unnoticed.  Now they are brimming with brilliant people that are blowing the dust off of old texts and digging into the mysteries of the past, questioning and searching for actual answers.  Striving to be more connected to their own lives. It's fun and exciting to explore and learn.

I know I am avoiding the world for the most part, I hate it.  I want to be a part of it, I want to contribute to it's healing, I just don't think we're at the healing stage right now.  For now, I'm staying in my bubble.  I'll create, learn, expand my knowledge base and wait. The past is full of answers to move forward into the future with, if we look. 

Someday, we might just get to that healing point.  To a place where the different ones like me, have things to share with those that are searching.  I'll keep looking for the rest of my tribe and being generous with the ones I find.  Until then...

I unearthed a sweater that I started almost 4 years ago and it is my current project that I focused on completing. 

when you play so hard,
 you fall fast asleep

Don't mind me, I'm over here praying (as is my belief) and doing whatever I can to make this world a softer, kinder more loving place to be.... 

talk to you later... 

stay faithful...

b

in the twilight...

The sun is starting to head off for the day.  The beautiful autumn temps are creeping in.  I long to put on my hoodie lounging gown, but it is probably a bit premature for that.  Although I will admit to starting this beautiful day in a sweatshirt.  The time is coming!

By this time tomorrow Hubs will have been home for a bit, he'll have had his dinner and most likely be in his recliner - although I will try to convince him to enjoy the beautiful evening with me.  I've missed him. Yep, I still treasure silence and stillness, but I treasure our time together even more.  Although, I am glad that he was able to make the trip this weekend.  He misses his sister so much and she lives a good bit away from us, down in Alabama.  I always tell him to make a plan and just go, but we also know she is busy and getting a few days together is tough.  

Enter a birthday party.  His niece had a milestone birthday this year, it became the perfect excuse to head south. His visit was kept a secret.  I'm sure it was a wonderful surprise just the same.  It worked out great.  He got to see his sis and celebrate his niece.  I would have loved to have gone, but leaving Beau is far too complicated and nerve racking.  Finding hotels that allow two hefty pups is a nightmare, and only having a few days meant it was too much to drag the camper that far.  

Surprise! Happy Birthday!

He flew solo this weekend. Pups and I have been hanging out.  I'd love to say I was super productive with my solo time.  That I created all the quilts on my list and finished up all the other little things that have been lingering. I wasn't. 

Mom, we need to talk...

Truthfully, I simply rested.  I guess I needed it.  Friday and Saturday ended up being lazy. Lounging on the deck in the cool of the day, playing with pups, taking naps, and basically just being.  I mean I did do some random things and I even got dressed and ate real meals.  Talk about adulting! I have a bad habit of popping some pop corn and not wasting energy when left to my own devices.  

I am thankful that he had the time to go, I am thankful that they made time for each other.  Time is flying past, minutes should not be wasted. 

Tonight sitting out here smelling the remains of a fire, wondering if someone is roasting marshmallows, or simply gathering with the family for the evening.  I am a bit weary and a bit lonely.  While my pups have zero problems conveying their needs and desires, the are not the greatest conversationalists.  

pleading for treats

I spent the day with people - running errands and stopping at the quilt shop, taking the pups for a walk with our friends, chatting with mom, a couple times with Hubs, messaging with the kids, after a filled day the sudden stillness feels empty.  

Belle's approach is
so much softer

It doesn't help that I am tired.  I caught up on bunch of the planned things today, the dehydrator is full of chicken paws (Beau is very much aware), the freeze dryer trays are loaded with beef tongue, hearts and liver (yes they are spoiled). Laundry is done, house is tidy, errands are run.  I'm really ready to put my head on my pillow and count some sheep, but that has to wait.  Medicine times haven't passed yet.  So needless to say I am going to find a few more chores to keep me alert as I wait. 

The sun has set, I can barely see the keyboard, it's definitely time to call it a night.

Remember to make time for what truly matters.  Most of the things that surround us are distractions.  Things that steal away those precious moments.  Focus. 

much love, b

changes coming...

The sun hasn't quite cleared the trees here in the treetop garden.  I've been out off and on for hours.  It's beautiful as the temperatures start to drop, 52° is the perfect morning temperature for hot coffee and light sweatshirt and the sunrise. 

The pups and I have been enjoying the morning.  We had a buck come out of the trees to enjoy munching on some flowers and greenery, he brought two young does with him.  Watching them sit and enjoy the morning was so precious.  The birdbath was empty as I hadn't watered yet, so needless to say they didn't get the refreshing beverage they were hoping for.  I feel like a bit of failure, although I did not realize they were partaking of the water in the birdbath - heck I didn't know any creature paid attention to it.  It was here when we moved in and we just left it. It fills with the rain or when we water, but it's outside the fence line and we pretty much ignore it also. 

The sudden downturn in temperatures has caused both the sassafras and mulberry trees to start turning on their autumn colors. The bright red and the golden yellow are always the first sign of fall.  

I'm taking some time to enjoy the beauty, semi-planning my day and trying to not get dive bombed by our rambunctious hummingbird friends. The ruby-throated hummingbirds are back in town, which means they will all be leaving in a few weeks. I have definitely enjoyed my time with all of them this summer. 

Hubs isn't home today, so it's just me and the pups.  Truthfully, I don't engage much in keeping track of time these days, a Saturday could feel like a Wednesday for all I know.  And honestly I'm really okay with that. Telling time is truly a construct of man and the longer I don't follow along, the more useless it feels. 

I have a list of things I would like to do, I just don't know where to start.  I will probably load the freeze dryer with some of my precious herbs, I always wait too long to preserve them and then mourn the fact of would've/could've/didn't. The basil, rosemary and thyme are full and bushy, and with freeze drying it would be the same as using them fresh all winter.  I could also snip a branch or two of the lemon verbana and holy basil to use in teas.  

As I look around the garden I am realizing that I have quite a few jalapeno's, and we are a bit low on the pineapple cowboy candy.  Might pick up a pineapple and get some of that canned up.  The cooling temps are causing the tomatoes to finally ripen, the Marconi peppers are growing and getting big, and even the okra has decided it is happier with the mild temps.  

Somewhere on the list is a desire to try my hand at a non-toxic bug spray.  My beautiful citronella plants have gone crazy this year.  As I was researching it yesterday, I was stunned to find out you can also use it in baking and other cooking recipes.  I have to admit, I learned something new.

I also need to decide if I am going to run up to the store and get more chicken paws to dehydrate for the pups.  The collagen is so good for them, and they absolutely love them. Belle, Beau and Piper go nuts when that jar gets opened. 

Are they done yet Mom?  I can smell them

I'm finding it less and less enjoyable to go out and about, people seem to be changing. Compassion and empathy seem to be falling away. Or maybe it is me? It's not so bad when I go out with Hubs. I just don't feel good when I go out alone, it's so different. 

She has greater patience than brother...

I've also been doing more research on using my freeze dryer to further limit the stuff we buy premade and prepackaged.  I don't want chemicals in my food, I want real food.  I have a huge bag of beef bones that I picked up at the Pan-Asian Market.  I will probably throw those in the oven and roast them, and then make a big pot of beef broth.  After spending some time learning, I now know how to freeze dry that and then grind it into bullion.  

I mean soup season has arrived, I also have a new multi-grain bread recipe that I want to try out. I made a chicken mulligatawny soup for the first time the other day.  Hubs and I had been out for lunch and the restaurant had it on the menu, you know we had to try it, as neither of us had ever heard of it.  One thing led to another, and we will definitely be making it a staple of the soup rotation.  

I will probably spend a fair amount of the day up in my sewing studio, although I am tempted to haul it all out here in the sunshine.  I only have 3 more out of state quilts to piece before I start quilting all of them.  The next clue of my mystery quilt comes out tomorrow, so I need to get with it.  Remember I am easily distracted. 

I definitely don't understand anyone being bored.  Connecting back to the earth has been so healing for me. It fills my heart and spirit in ways I can't describe. Connecting back to life the way I feel it should be has been even more healing. Walking in the gardens, picking the beautiful zinnias that are starting to fade, enjoying watching the pups playing with the neighbor's pup through the fence.  Simply soaking up life. 

Who knows, I might just grab a book and sit out here in the sunshine and cool breeze all day, or my spinning wheel... or... yeah the list is fairly endless. For now, I'm going to enjoy my coffee, and watch my pups play.  

Being grateful for it all...

much love, b

tiny treasures...

Has someone ever surprised you with a tiny treasure?  A gift that simply takes your breath away with not only it's simplicity, but the generosity? 

Yesterday Hubs and I were doing our weekend running, with my wonky vision lately, I get a bit anxious running errands and such.  I know it's an irrational fear, but I'm good with my knight in shining armor escorting me on the weekends.  One of the stops was down outside of Arnold at Your Quilt Shop, it's my favorite shop locally.  They seem to enjoy the same types of fabrics that I do, making it so easy.  Not to mention that I simply LOVE the folks that are there.  Owners and customers alike. 

I had purchased a bunch of fabric and a pattern last weekend, but we were in a rush and they were super busy and close to closing.  As I wasn't starting the quilt anytime soon, I decided to simply come back for it later. 

My joy in this shop is immense, thankfully, I live no where close or I would be going back to work to feed my addiction.  It isn't just the fabric or the stuff they sell, although they definitely make my styles.  The people are incredible.  No one is a stranger, everyone is welcome.  Heck the ladies in the back room are usually giving Hubs snacks and keeping him entertained while I shop. 

Yesterday, during a wandering conversation with the owner, she asked if we liked fresh tomatoes, I mean who doesn't?  Then we started talking about gardening and the next thing I knew she handed me a bean pod.  Not just any bean pod.  But one from her garden.  One that has a lineage.  

Oh it's just a mild mannered unassuming red bean.  But it is from a line that has nourished her husbands family since before the great depression.  It comes from a line that fed them during those dark times.  I am so stupid excited about this little bean pod.  It's unbelievable. 

Hubs and I spent time yesterday plotting where those precious seeds would be planted next spring.  He's building me a raised box, one that will have an open bottom, and it will have a trellis for them to grow up onto, as high as they would like. I plan to cherish them, to grow as many as possible, to carry on the story. 

She also mentioned that the Roma is one of the meatiest that she has ever encountered and suggested I save those seeds as well.  You definitely know that is going to happen.  Honestly, my tomatoes have been a disappointment on many levels this year.  I will be making a spaghetti dish with the few that were actually not mushy inside.  The critters have enjoyed all of the "failures", it's just so disappointing, but there is always next season. 

Hopefully the roma's I grow next year will be from this wonderful gift I was given. 

I know it seems tiny, some might even feel it is silly.  To me?  It feels like a gift I can never repay.  Her hubby has started tending bees and we were able to buy a jar of their spring honey.  OH MY!  I actually had to make some yogurt last night, I cannot wait to enjoy that for breakfast on my freshly made yogurt.  It is the most beautiful flavor, she was explaining that it's because it was gathered before the bees started feasting on clover and the like.  It's from the first flowers of spring.  

The treasures that you cannot buy in a grocery store or even from a seed store.  

I am "patiently" waiting for the yogurt to cool so I can strain it and get it ready for breakfasts.  I will share a jar with my friend and my youngest grand - she loves it drizzled with honey and sprinkled with fruit and granola. I figured while I waited I would also work on a few of the things I've been putting off.  There is a big pot of broccoli cheddar soup on the stove right now, I will jar up some for a meal this week, but the rest is heading to the freeze dryer.  I think I'm also going to make a batch of sloppy joe's and a batch of what my Hubs call's Marty's beans (it's a recipe from her and he loves them!).  I'm also going to try my hand at making Chicken Mulligatawny soup.  We had some recently, and we have no idea how we have never had it before. Some of each will be put in the fridge for easy meals this week, some of which will be freeze dried, for camping, traveling, when I don't feel like cooking... 

In the midst of it all, I am going to take advantage of this beautiful weather and get my scroll saw out and cut out the hippo that my sister ordered and she is waiting, very patiently, for.  Now that the weather has broken and it's pleasant I have so much that I want to do.  That I finally have the energy to do. The heat drains me, the coolness makes me want to do all the things. 

The soup is done. Time to start the beans, they need to bake for a bit, so I need to get on it.  

I hope that someone blesses you with a tiny treasure, that you can experience the joy that comes with it.  I can't be the only silly one on this planet! Or maybe you get the blessing of sharing a tiny treasure with someone else?

much love, b

pause...

I'm melting... it is definitely cooler than it has been but high 80's is still too hot. I just finished the lawn and I am sitting still in the coolness of the air conditioning.  Sprinklers are working right now, so they need another 15 minutes or so.  The water simply does not seem to be sinking into the dry earth.  We sure could use a day or two of a steady soft rain.  The kind that calls to you to sit and watch it, to enjoy the sound, to rest in it's peace.  Yup, that is definitely what we could use. 

The "heat wave" has simmered, the autumn teaser is on it's way.  For all of this I am so very grateful.  I know it's a teaser, but looking at the giant acorns on all of the oaks in my backyard, gives me hope for a cold winter.  I am that person.  Don't hate.  I love the cold air, walks in snowfalls, quilts, sweaters and beautiful fires.  All of these things bring me joy.  This summer, I am beyond ready. 

I'm sitting here debating on what the rest of the day holds. I want to prep some soups to put in the freeze dryer, perfect for taking camping and as the weather breaks there will be a camping trip or two. The dog treats will finishing drying shortly and I want to be ready.  But... I also want to finish the quilt I started yesterday morning.  It's a simple pattern, but so adorable, I want to see it finished.  Of course I also promised Hubs I'd make him some rice pudding, don't you love the recipes that have been around forever? And honestly after an hour and a half of weeding, string trimming and mowing, I'd love to take a nap.  Ah day dreams. 

It will probably be a mixture of all of it.  We all know that I am as scattered as the leaves that are starting to fall and struggle to stay focused on just one project. The good thing is that my boss doesn't care. As long as it gets done, who cares in what order or at what time.  I love it. 

I was blessed with the gift of spending time with one of my closest friends yesterday.  I always tell Hubs that I don't have any regrets with my choices in life.  That all of those chosen formed my journey the good, the bad and the absolute horrible.  But thinking about it while mowing the grass this morning I realized that I do have a few.  They aren't huge, but I regret very much the times that I didn't have the ability to stop.  Sitting out back, talking, laughing, enjoying the hummingbirds.  There have been times in my life that those things couldn't and didn't happen. Those are the moments I regret.  I cherish the ability to simply be and to enjoy those moments with the people that mean so much to me.  

We didn't create world peace or solve a single problem.  But for a moment in time we chilled, we laughed, we remembered crazy and planned future crazy.  We talked gardens, herbs, life... you name it, we probably covered it.  My cup has been filled up so many times this week.  Time with Hubs, daughter, grands, friends, Pups... simple things that mean so very much. 

Take a moment for those times.  Sit outside with a glass of water and a dear friend or family member and make the time to enjoy those moments. A bit of day dreaming never hurt anyone. 

Time to shut off sprinklers and get busy with the rest of this day... what are you up to?

love, 

b

empty cups?

I've got a question.  Do you pour into others?  I know, it sounds strange, right?  But I am seriously curious.  Do you? Do you understand what I am even asking?

Recently my girl has been battling some major battles in her life.  Emotional, physical, life altering.  She is a lot like me, she keeps to herself.  Her home and her life are where she finds peace and safety.  The other day she did something that could be perceived as shocking, she decided to make a bold post on social media.  She bared her soul, she laid it all out there.  I didn't even really know how to respond, I didn't do so publicly, I didn't need to. I reached out to her personally.  She is my baby, a huge part of my world.

As I read the comments, the coming together of her tribe, the people that responded and how they responded.  My heart filled to bursting.  And then to read her responses back to them.  There are no words.  She poured her heart back into each of them, taking moments of her life to affirm and lift them.  Honestly, that post and all the replies back and forth should be made into a handbook on how to survive this rocky road we call life, and distributed to the world.  

None of us has an easy road every day.  We have stresses, personal disasters, health issues, financial problems, etc... you name it. I firmly believe when you are in the deepest, darkest part of your own journey how you treat others is what really matters.  

You cannot pour from an empty cup, it's impossible.  Don't believe me, finish off that morning coffee and try to pour that cup into another.  Empty, right?

There are pictures and memes that have gone around forever of parents cutting bits of themselves to fill the holes in their children.  All parents can understand doing without so that your children never do without.  All parents can name more than a few times in their own lives that they made sacrifices either physically or emotionally for their children.  Heck, folks are that way with their pets, their spouses, etc.  

Something as simple as always giving your loved one the crust of the bread to dip in their soup, because you know they love it, even though you do too.  Or getting up with the babies, the pets, the... fill in the blank, so they can rest.  How many have stayed up late into the night helping their child through whatever is going on?  Or sat for hours in the hospital beside someone that needed you?  

All of those things are showing love, compassion and the ability to pour into others. 

Are any of us perfect at this task.  I say no.  Do I firmly believe there are some that are far better than others, absolutely!!  They are usually the ones that are stepped on the hardest by life, because they give of themselves without thought or concern and unfortunately it seems to be human nature to take without ever considering giving back.  For some it is always a give me attitude. 

Can you imagine the change if we could all shift our mindset.  To one of complete gratitude.  To a place of calm and love.

So when I ask are you pouring yourself into others, what I am asking is what are you doing on a daily basis to lighten the collective load?  Did you pick up that random bit of trash?  Give a few dollars to someone just short at the grocery store?  Listen to someone needing a non-judgmental ear?  Did you stop to help someone?  Carry in groceries for a neighbor, help with yard work without being asked or paid?  Walk a dog, water a garden, watch a child for a few hours without the expectation of pay?  Did you cook a meal?  Maybe take a trash can in?  Did you share something you've made?  Or help with a project that the other person was struggling with?  This list is absolutely endless.  

or taking a picture that 
you know your wife wants
thank you Hubs!

Maybe it's a path forward to healing our world.  Instead of looking for differences, instead of looking for reasons to hate, maybe look for reasons to help. To be the light in someone's eyes instead of the fire in their glare. 

I think I do a fairly decent job of pouring into others, but then things like my daughters open letter on social media remind me in a jarring manner that I fall very short.  I allow things to sometimes eat at me, afraid to speak out on the hurt and then become distant and angry. I am reminded to do better. To be better. 

I cherish the fact that there are so many people that are willing to step into the void for others. The absolute most precious gift we can give others in our time.  It doesn't have a financial value (despite how we have been programmed to believe), it has a pure love value.  Each of us is given so much of it when we are born.  It is the truest, purest, most valuable gift we can give.  And when we pour time into others, into making life a gift, a treasure, it adds infinitely to our own lives and value. 

I need to do better, we all do.  We are have moments that are overwhelming and sour, it's how we move forward that defines us.  

Just my thoughts from the past week... now I'm back to my regularly scheduled busy schedule and life... 

much love, b

dog days

Okay, we need to talk, this heat is getting stupid! And I do mean stupid.  I feel like I have morphed into an actual hermit.  Lights off, shades drawn, the soft hum of fans on every floor circulating the soft cooled air.  Waking up in the middle of the night feeling suffocated by the humidity.  Oh please!  I really need the softness of autumn to arrive.  I love my gardens in the summer, but honestly, I'm over it!

The non-stop alerts on my phone tell me it should break for the most part today, with milder temps starting to sneak in tomorrow and onward.  I am praying hard!  This girl really does despise hot weather, pretty sure I state that fact very strongly every year. 

On the plus side, I am learning that getting up stupid early to beat the heat and taking a nap in the middle of the day, is a fabulous way to live.  I finally understand our time in Crete, when the world would shut down for a few hours midday.  

I've been being creative with cooking, the air fryer, crock-pot and instapot have been getting a serious workout.  Anything to avoid heating up the house.  And more that a few dinners that resembled a charcuterie board than a meal. 

I am ready for stews, soups and chili's.  I am ready for the leaves to start changing colors and the sweatshirts and sweaters to come out of hiding.  I am 100% ready. The pups are too.  I know they are ready for long walks and romps in the park without needing a full day to rest after all is said and done. 

This morning the girls were on the back deck basking in the early morning rays, I'm sure they know that I will be shutting them in shortly.  The mournful looks each time I peeked out the door at them let me know in no uncertain terms that they were aware of what was coming.  I feel terrible doing it, I know they love the sunshine and fresh air, but they simply will not come in when it's so hot that they are all panting and glassy eyed.  Nope, can't trust them to know what is best for them.  Beau is far more clever and he stayed inside.  Mostly because he was curious what treasures mom might be pulling out of the dehydrator, he was deeply saddened to realize it was simply more dried plantain leaves.  

I've been crazy busy up in my sewing studio.  So far I have 2 of the quilt tops ready that are on my list.  I only have 9 more to go.  That isn't counting the mystery quilt that I am participating in, thankfully that one only has 1 clue a month.  I have time to breathe. None of them are as intricate as the ones that I made over winter and earlier this year.  Thank goodness. But all of them will be made with love, isn't that what counts?  I won't be posting pictures, on the off chance that they will be seen before they are received, but I will definitely be taking them!

Well, the day is wasting away, and my goal is to complete at least one every couple of days. Time to get busy!

much love, stay cool, b

ordinary days...

As the sun broke the horizon this morning Hubs thought we should take our babies to their favorite spot to run and play. My half awake self, took a final sip of my still pipping hot coffee and got in the car.  I can't say I was excited, I wasn't really awake.  But off we went.  Two tails wagging, two smiling puppy faces peaking out the windows, wind blowing their ears.  How could I possibly say no?

Besides, we needed to run over to Tilted Heads to pick up their new collars, I never did get by there yesterday.  As we pulled into the park they were losing their little minds, it's been too hot, we haven't taken them to run and play. It was mild this morning, cool enough, the sun was still tucked a bit below the trees so it was comfortable. 

As they ran like crazy, Belle chasing her flying disk to the point of exhaustion.  Beau his usual happy go lucky self, trotting around smelling the smells and chasing flying bugs. Me... well, I happened upon a huge patch of beautiful plantain.  My dehydrator had just stopped before we left, I knew I had room for another batch.  I love having a husband that walks back to the car to find a bag, never blinking an eye as I gather handfuls of beautiful, strong, fresh plantain.  Knowing that it will make the incredible salve that keeps his skin healthy and healed. He didn't roll his eyes, he didn't blink.  He understood.  

The pups played until they had no energy left and we headed out, the sun still not breaking the treetops, the softness of the morning, still enjoyable.  After stopping for their beautiful new collars and a fresh loaf of sourdough focaccia to add to dinner, we popped over to our favorite coffee shop for a hot cup of heaven.  I completely love the mom and pop's.  The families that are working hard to create a life they can be proud of at the end of each day.  I will always try to support them. 

Looking Sassy!

Mr. Debonair 

thank you Tilted Heads!

While at Rosemary Coffee Co. they had a huge wall hanging, unfortunately not for sale (although both shops have a plethora of items by local artisans for sale in the shops), that I desperately want.  It was a huge botanical ink drawing that said "weeds are simply flowers you haven't met yet".  I want that!  Well realistically, yes I want it, but I live in a home with limited full walls.  There is no place to hang it, so I will just enjoy the thought.  I was going to take a picture of it, just to cherish it, but I'd left my phone in the car with Hubs. 

plantain

dried plantain, not quite enough 

It's only the start of the day, but the plantain is dehydrating, the yard and garden are watered, the beef hearts are cut up and freezing, and the day is so incredibly hot the remainder of it will be spent inside. In the coolness, lights dimmed, fans circulating the cooled air.  

Hubs is engrossed in his movie, the intensity of it is too much for me today.  I can hear it, it sounds like it is one I would love, but not today.  Today, I feel a bit emotionally weary, no idea why.  And I can't watch a movie that will pull more of my emotions into play. 

I am heading up to sew, to work on that to do list.  To lose myself in creating.  I want to do a bit of wood working, but it is simply too hot to be in the garage, so fabric will do.  Next weekend will be much cooler, wood working can happen then. 

I am also deep in studying the healing properties of DMSO and the incredible powers of many of the items in my garden and yard. I have several tinctures that I am learning about now and will probably get started on very soon.  I have a deep distrust of so much in the world these days. Profound even.  For me the answers lie in the past, in knowledge that has been memory holed and forgotten.  So I will probably carve out more time to read my current book and learn more. 

The deer didn't eat it!
The smell is heavenly!

How are you spending your Saturday?  Lounging inside, outside in the heat, working, living, doing?  I can't just linger, I get stressed just sitting.  I feel a deep sense of unease when I do.  I need to be doing, even when in nature, I don't pause well.  Today is no exception. The knowing that I just committed to craft show next month is also driving me.  

much love, b

chaos lurking...

I didn't want to get up this morning.  I guess I should have listened to that internal voice.  The one that said, just rest a bit longer. That soft whisper that was saying you really need to simply not start today right now. Did I heed that voice, of course not.  My brain had already shifted into high gear, my to do list today is long, filling the day completely.  So up I jumped.  Not ready, but ready at the same time. 

Sweet Hubs was definitely on his j.o.b., a steaming cup of amazing coffee was in my hand almost as soon as I came in with the pups.  I always go out back with them in the morning.  It centers me to stand in the midst of my treetop garden bathed in the early morning light.  It's always a bit before the critters start waking up so the only sounds are the lingering mysterious night sounds.  There is always the train in the distance and the miscellaneous sounds a mixture of cars, trucks, motorcycles and the occasional ambulance (we live in close proximity to quite a few senior living areas).

So far so good... coffee, watching Hubs play with the pups like he does every morning.  A bit of time to actually catch up on our daily plans before the chaos. 

Chaos definitely was waiting.  Shortly after our playmate pup arrives I always fix the pups their breakfast.  Hubs too, but today thank goodness he simply wanted coffee and cereal.  It was a complete blessing. I started heating the meat that was going in with their kibble, grabbed a bowl to put the rest of the meat in for later and I smelled something very off.  

My still sleepy brain couldn't place it sadly and moments later I walked barefoot into a fresh pile of very soft poo.  SERIOUSLY? Hopping around on one foot trying to clean it up before it was a bigger disaster, while trying to reassure the pup that it wasn't her fault and I understood.  I was engrossed with fixing breakfast and didn't see her frantic dance at the door. Thank goodness for Hubs jumping in to keep breakfast from burning as I hopped to the closest sink.  Who knew I was still so flexible?  I sure didn't.  After scrubbing my right foot, the sink and washing up the floor, I returned to the task at hand.  For a moment... because evidently her tummy wasn't feeling the best and she'd left another carefully place pile by the kibble container.  Yup, you guessed it.  Stepped straight into that one with my left foot.  Definitely a morning of repeats.  

I was seriously paranoid after those two events.  I did manage to feed them breakfast, wash up everything and get my day back on track. But, whew folks, that is not how you want a day to start. 

I'm taking a short break to finally have my breakfast and cool off.  We are moving into another extreme heat weekend, so I decided to be a sweetheart and mow the grass as the next few days are going to be much hotter.  Someone remind me why I moved to the mid-west, because this girl seriously despises the hot weather. 

I knew that Hubs would have tackled it for me, but he shouldn't be out in the heat either, and I also knew that time touching earth was going to improve the day. Before I mowed I gathered as much of the plantain growing in the yard as I could without killing the plants.  I had several that slid up from the earth with their roots attached.  I decided those were a gift and planted them in my raised bed.  Fingers crossed they grow and spread.  I will gladly part with that bed for a medicinal purpose.  Who knows that might become my herbal/medicinal garden next year.  If you come over as see a bed full of "weeds" don't be judging, you might be the next person to benefit from my "weeds".  As I was harvesting those leaves to get into the dehydrator, I also noticed that I have been gifted with some purslane, I may be transplanting some of that also.  

Finally, as I was finishing up with the mowing I noticed that I have a beautiful red rose starting to bloom.  The deer have left me so few to actually enjoy.  Day was completely reset. 

My to-do list is still super long and of course the mornings events added to it, but all in all it's all okay. 

Today will find me doing my chores, getting the plantain drying, chopping up all the beef hearts I was able to get yesterday - my pups LOVE them, and I need to get the trays in the freezer. I also need to get a few batches of plantain salve made up, I've been gifting it out left and right and need to make sure there is still some for our ouchies, itchies and the like. It will include planning my fall garden, yup we're hotter than Hades, but it's time to plan. And of course I need to get busy sewing.  Christmas will be here before we know it and I have quite an ambitious plan this year.  We'll see how it goes. 

Before any of that happens, I need to head up and shower.  Because I know me, I will dive head first into that list (yup, I know it doesn't all have to happen in one day) and slowly forget that I never got there until it's time for me to make dinner for Hubs. 

I guess my lesson for the day, has been to listen to that inner voice.  To know when it is trying to give you a solid warning and to slow down.  It was my own fault this morning.  I was so focused on tasks at hand that even though my brain, and several senses were warning me, I failed to notice.  

Thank goodness for the time in the yard and gardens, even it was hotter than heck.  I'm ready for the rest of the day. 

Ya'll have a blessed one!  And if you are in this hot bubble... stay cool and safe... 

much love, 

b

follow your dreams...

Getting ready to toss my now dead yellow roses this morning, I experienced a serious flashback in time.  Not so much about roses, but about passions.  I was laughing as I told Hubs he might think I'm crazy, but the dead roses are staying, as I excitedly showed him the new growth that was bursting forth from the stems.  Feeling a sense of wonder as I added water to the vase.  On the window sill sits a zinnia that I accidentally cut while trimming the edges of the zinnia bed.  It's also not only rooted, but has bloomed twice with a third one getting ready to burst forth.  I should plant it in the ground, but I am enjoying it's journey so much that I am struggling with the idea of doing so. 

This morning as I added the water, I felt drawn back in time to my 19 year old self, trying to convince my dad that a degree in horticulture was a great idea.  As he was paying for the degree, I allowed myself to be convinced that a degree in computers/data something or other was a better idea.  Just for the record, I despised programming languages, I failed to find any beauty in the sterile quiet of a computer lab, and the clacking of keys did not fill my soul with music or joy.  I didn't make it. I finished the year, and refused to do it again.  I was beyond miserable in that kind of environment.

Over the years I dabbled in various different fields, I did actually work in fields that required more knowledge than I ever wanted in computers.  I guess being part of the first wave of kiddo's exposed to home computers was too much for my nature loving spirit. 

It's not even 8 am and I've already been outside, I've already wandered through my gardens, marveling at the beauty, harvesting the bounty, collecting the spent flowers to be able to plant next year.  Shortly, I plan to gather more plantain leaves to dehydrate, I want to always be sure to have that awesome "magic salve" waiting for use.  It's such an incredible to know that I have the knowledge and skill to make such a simple salve that heals so many things quickly and painlessly.  So much has been lost to time. 

Oops, Hubs mowed, gonna have to
wait a week. Can you see the
plantain hiding in there?

I should have stood my ground, I should have followed my own passions.  For so much of my life, I ceded the oars of my life to others.  I gave up the things that filled my heart, things I longed to experience to be able to fit molds that others created and tried to push me into. 

basil

My front flower beds have now burst forth full of random chaotic beauty. There is no rhyme nor reason to the chaos.  The celosias are bursting vibrant red, they are definitely going to make it interesting to come in and out of the front door.  Each year they self seed further and further.  This year they are joined by the self-seeded coleus plants that are bursting forth everywhere.  The deep purple centers surrounded by the vibrant bright green. It's completely chaotic and fills my very soul with beauty and joy.  

coleus

celosias

This morning while enjoying the beauty a tiny baby bunny came dashing out from beneath the shelter of the massive celosias.

I'm at a point in my life now, where I understand what brings me joy.  My sweet Hubs figured it out a long time ago. When I was too sick to actually garden, he somehow understood my deep connection to my fingers in the dirt, to coaxing life into barren spaces.  He built me a raised bed that was high enough I didn't have be kneel down, where I could stand or sit beside it and work to grow whatever my heart desired.  That year it was strawberries.  I've never really mastered them on a grand scale, mostly because between birds and grand daughters they never produced enough to seem worth it.  

Slowly as I healed and became stronger, he added more.  We didn't have much money back then, times were a bit tough, but bit by bit he added to them.  He helped me till the soil, carry the bags and bags of dirt that filled those boxes.  I don't remember how many there where when we moved.  I think there were 8 in addition to that first waist high box.  I grew so many things, I learned, I experienced the peace that can only be found in the early hours weeding in the dew.  Harvesting the dew covered fruits.  

As time went on I began working far too many hours to tend my garden, it slid into neglect and disrepair.  Every time I'd wander to the back yard, I'd feel the sorrow that came from being away from it.  From watching it die from lack.  Lack of attention, time, energy.  I was at a low point, working far too many hours, at a job I truly didn't love or even like most days.  Missing my connection to the earth. 

When we moved and I left those precious beds behind, I felt like I'd left a bit of my heart there too.  The yard had a lone tree in the back yard when I'd moved there. There was also one in the front.  It felt barren, sad. Like I felt at that time in my life.  When we moved there were 17 trees, in the back yard alone, a full garden, roses and passion flowers everywhere.  The front yard burst with the beautiful red maple, more roses (a massive bush from a sad $2 Walmart special bought years before), hydrangeas and that giant pine that had started as a 3" seedling to commemorate the first camping trip that my boy and I took with Hubs.  It was growing through cracks in the rock road, soon to be crushed by tires when we brought it home. 

Moving to our new home I went a few years without a true garden.  I was miserable, I worked at jobs that I was rapidly realizing were draining me, not fulfilling me at all.  My joy was random pots sitting on the deck with a few miscellaneous plants struggling to survive my work schedule.  

miniature zinnias

zinnia (isn't it gorgeous?)

Here we are 11 years later, the garden is my happy place.  Listening to the cicadas waking each morning is like a symphony.  Punctuated by the call of the birds to one another, my sweet little hummingbirds telling me good morning as the dart between the bright red feeders and flowers.  

still more zinnias

 and more zinnias

Hibiscus Okra - beautiful and delicious

Today I will make some cowboy candy with all of the jalapeno's I harvested, grown from tiny seedlings.  This year I added the flowers and the elderberry trees to our little backyard paradise.  Why did I wait so long.  Life needs beauty as well as function.  The flowers bring all of the pollinators to the yard.  My neighbor told me last night how much she enjoys the beauty of the flowers, that she sometimes sits and watches the butterflies and finches dancing through the literal piles of colorful unruly flowers. 

chocolate cherry tomatoes

might have a few more ready to pick

petunia that never found a home

this mornings bounty

cow peas close to harvest time

I understand her joy.  I understand the beauty.  Here in this last phase of my life, I finally understand following your passions.  I intend to enjoy every moment of the beauty.  To learn how to use the gifts from the earth to enhance life.  If my neighbors with their sterile green lawns want to live in a sea of poison to prevent those gifts, I will understand and support their choices.  Me... I'm going to have a lawn that is crazily diverse, filled with plants that offer more than simply their beauty.  I will treasure the frogs and skinks that move about the yard. I delight in the butterflies, moths, plethora of different bees, the birds that the others miss out on and the fireflies at night.  I will still be panicked when the big black snake makes it's appearance, while being thankful for it's contribution to the garden just the same. 

the protector of the flowers

the guardian of all she sees...

I wish that the 19 year old me had had the strength of conviction to follow through on her dreams.  I wish that she had been able to bravely speak life into those dreams.  A lifetime of patio gardens had to substitute.  Even now it's simply my treetop garden, but the joy is exponential. 

even in the fading, the life circle continues

Follow your dreams, learn the things that fill you with joy and once you start never stop... 

love and peace, b