as sixty starts...

I'm often in awe of how quickly time seems to be rushing past. This morning sitting on the deck, in the midst of the garden I felt inspired to write. Nothing special, simply drawn into the day, the moment, the peace surrounding me.  Somehow since the last time I sat down, I have managed to start not only a new year, but a new decade. Somewhere in this short time span it feels like so much has shifted.  

The past two days I was bone weary, I just didn't want to do anything.  Today, with the sun shining and loads of energy, I have been busy in the gardens.  Harvesting not only beautiful ripe vegetables, but the seeds that will provide the next seasons bounty.  If you've never harvested radish seeds, it's quite a time consuming experience.  And I admit, I am very thankful to be finished for the season.  This year didn't provide as many seeds as last, but it provided more radishes, give and take right?

I'm feeling a strange sense of detachment and peace all rolled into one.  I am spending time with people that fill my bucket and I pray I am filling theirs as well.  Hours have vanished in silence while painting, quilting and just living a creative life.  Time has been so fluid. 

As I am moving into this final chapter of my life, because lets be real, when you turn 60, there are definitely far more years behind you than there are ahead of you, I feel peace. 

It's strange.  I love my life, I am blessed to have a husband that provides me the ability to chase my dreams, garden and care for him, my home, my pups and the family as a whole.  I am not forced to choose between a career that I loathed and a family I love.  I never wanted a career at least not a conventional one. I have forever wanted to be just what I am a homemaker. 

At the moment I'm waiting for the final section of the yard to have it's morning drink and then I will head up to my sewing studio.  I have a list of projects that I am intent on finishing this year.  Or at least making a big dent in.  My creative eyes might be stronger than my actual ones. 

I'm starting off this year dealing with a challenge in my vision, a challenge that I have complete faith will resolve (hopefully on it's own - without medical intervention).  It's creating a few speed bumps, but nothing I can't or won't deal with. Mostly just super frustrating at this point. 

As I deal with the current slow downs, I have fallen in love with planting zinnias.  How have I missed these beauties all of my life? I am gathering their seed heads for next years garden at an alarming rate, I might not have any grass next year, just so I can enjoy the beauty of the flowers. The butterfly's, bees and hummingbirds are in heaven also.  Watching them flit from flower to flower in my massive mess of a flower garden is like a salve to my very soul.  If you want any seeds for your own garden, let me know, I will be happy to share the beauty.

The world doesn't seem to be getting calmer, in fact it seems even more self centered and chaotic.  It's a place I am actively refusing to allow into my personal bubble.  Even when forced to participate in the world, I find myself backing away from most folks.  Anger, aggravation and frustration seems to radiate from some people.  I would hate to be that mad at life. As I pull back from those people, I am finding more and more friendly, loving and caring people entering my life circle. 

People that care about those around them.  People that want to take a moment to walk through some of the crazy things that I do.  People that don't look at me like I am crazy as I hand them an herbal salve to heal a wound or offer them bounty from my garden. People that are in the same place I am, learning that not everything we've been told is really meant for our best purpose.  The ones like myself that are chasing natural solutions to things, that want to heal the planet and our very selves.  

Hubs has always said I am a hippie that doesn't do drugs.  Many times I questioned if that was a complement or not.  All the while knowing that I was the little girl that 100% dreamt of growing up and being part of a commune of people supporting one another.  Engulfed in a natural world.  He must not mind my crazy because we also somehow managed to celebrate 22 wonderful years together in the past month also!

Here I am starting my sixties allowed to be that person.  No, I'm not selling my house and moving to a commune, I'm not that people friendly anymore.  Yet, as my graying hair creeps further down my back, tied in a bun during the day and I look in a mirror and realize that I might have actually forgotten how to wear make up, I am more than okay with it.  I realize my life is finally what I dreamt. When I slip on the long dresses that I love, slide my feet into my birks and get ready to start the day, I seem to just know I've arrived. 

My days are filled with the strangeness that I have forever longed for. I have freedom to create in more ways than I can even begin to acknowledge, yet most of it always benefits others at the same time as it is filling my own spirit with contentment.  If I lived in the woods, I'd probably have folks thinking I'm the crazy slightly off lady at the end of the road, but since I actually live in a nice suburban subdivision, I'm just the weirdo that won't poison her lawn and spends hours creating.  I can live with either description.  I have finally started the life I was always meant to live.  

Who wants to settle in with a cup of dandelion tea and discuss gardens, sewing, cooking, herbal remedies and natural solutions, heck the list is endless?  One of my sweet friends got me a new teapot for my birthday and I am always ready to make a pot of tea and settle in for a meaningful conversation or activity. 

Well, watering is done, the pups want a quick outside break before the heat of the day and it's time to get busy... 

much love,

b

patience...

It's another beautiful, mild summer morning.  The kind that is full of promise, well until at least noon, then it will be warm and humid.  I'll take it.  As I've been moving through my morning, I've had  overwhelming thoughts today.  The word slow, it feels like a mantra today.  Slow. 

It's been just over 4 years since I came home to be a homemaker.  It's been such a beautiful transition.  This morning as I flitted around, watering the gardens and grass, harvesting the first blackberries after 2 full years of babying them, fixing breakfasts and starting ice cream for dessert I feel content. 

I feel like I am finally at the spot I've always wanted to be in, I just took the seriously long way around the block to get here. The slow road. 

Even when we are tiny kids going into kindergarten, we are being programmed, our schooling is so much different.  I was watching a beautiful video the other day of children in a Chinese kindergarten, I wished that peace for all children starting on their journey of learning.  They were painting, drawing, weaving, sewing, doing embroidery, cooking, gardening, creating in all manner.  No one was being taught to sit still, there were no circles it was a warm and inviting place full of curiosity.  I was so enthralled I watched it over and over again.  Outside of school that is how my own grands have been raised.  To try things, to enjoy learning at their own pace and with a self driven passion.  It's nothing to find the Dragon using power tools and painting or planting a garden that her mom isn't aware of until it's there. 

Now I have no idea what happens outside of that small snippet of time and it wouldn't have mattered where in the world that video was taken.  It was the beauty of watching the learning and growth. I might have a very different idea of education, if I had been in the space I am in now when my children were young, I am sure that I would not have sent them to public schools.  I would have definitely had free range kids.  

But that isn't what this is about.  I feel, and maybe fear, that we have been completely programmed to be worker bees.  To be productive, to feel comfortable and safe in a 9 - 5 window of time, being told when we can use the restroom, take a break, eat our lunch.  Free thinking and doing things the way that you feel most creative and productive is frowned on.  

I didn't like school.  It brought on strong feelings of control, I felt claustrophobic.  I felt that we were forced to fit into spots that didn't feel natural.  I was that kid that sat there, daydreaming, staring out windows, doodling, being anything but productive. It felt like punishment.  Square peg in a round hole syndrome.

I've spent 4 years unlearning a lifetime of programming.  When to sleep, when to wake, when to do, what to do, who to interact with, who to avoid.  In these four years, I've been solitary for a large part of the time. There have been a handful of friends that I have allowed into my space. A space filled mostly with my sweet Hubs and my pups.  

the center of my world ❤

It's been slow.  

I sleep when tired now, it's not unusual for me to be up in the middle of the night, or taking a quick nap in the afternoon.  I don't live a "schedule and time" philosophy any longer.  I have to work hard to remember what the day of the week is.  Not because I worry about a Monday - Friday schedule so much, but because I don't care.  As long as we remember to put out the trash once a week, I'm good.  Yet, in this midst of not caring, I am busier than I have ever been, and feel my spirit soaring from it all.  I take days of rest, today is one - after a string of days of heavy and intense work, I am weary and plan to sew and/or paint the day away for the most part.  I will still make meals, I still tidied the house, but I am making time for beauty in my spirit and world.  I am going to spend time creating.  I need it.

The days of squeezing in must do's on the "weekends" made life far more stressful.  There was no peace in that, no time for the spirit to recharge, to reconnect with self and earth. 

how cheerful is that?

Sometimes Hubs spends weekend time helping me with projects that are bigger than I can handle alone, like this weekend when we rebuilt our little front bench.  Taking it from worn, broken and tired.  To sturdy and vibrant red. We started it early in the day on Saturday, scrubbing, replacing wood, sanding it and then painting it.  We'd moved it into the garage as the weather was spotty.  Sunshine, rain, sunshine, huge storm.... that was the rhythm of the day.  As we waited out the last two meds of the night for our Beau, we sat in the garage together, talking while painting.  It was priceless time.  I didn't need his help by that time, I cherished and needed his company and the quiet uninterrupted time together. 

see the old tired color in the corner?

We used to do that more when we were younger and I hadn't started working outside our home.  Then as my career choices started to consume our lives, it faded into a blur of exhaustion and disconnection.  Thankfully, while his career has spurts of time where he works stupid long hours and our life is semi on hold, it is rare.  He has a flexibility that I did not have.  For me there was a time that a promise of lunch together never happened.  He would show up with lunch for us and end up eating alone as I worked through that precious time. 

Now, because of the changes, we have lunch together about 98% of the time, we spend our mornings together and evenings belong to us.  As does much of the time during the day, even though he still works full time.  We have flexibility to chat throughout the day, to see each other at odd moments.  My "job" allows me to pause whenever he has a spare moment.  To dip out for an ice cream in the middle of the afternoon or simply pause and enjoy one another's time. 

Slowly, much like the garden grows, life has evolved into something precious.  As I picked the first blackberries this morning in the early morning dew before starting the sprinkler, I couldn't wait to share the bounty with Hubs.  He'd been doubtful we would enjoy any of the harvest. Birds, deer, bunnies, he figured they would enjoy it long before we did.  His reaction to the little basket of berries was priceless. We've watched them for months, from flowers, to hard green baby berries, to soft red, to deep red, to black... it's been slow, it's been calming.  

The lessons we've learned from the garden.  

As I watered this morning, I took note of the changes.  I have so many baby tomatoes, peppers, jalapenos, there are more green beans to pick.  At least in the treetop garden.  I think the neighbor had her yard sprayed for broad leaf weeds on a windy day, all the green beans in the lower area are struggling hard.  The leaves are shriveled, there are no flowers, they are still growing, but painfully. 

first harvest of the season

I don't understand why we feel compelled to spray chemicals around us.  To poison the earth, to destroy.  But that is their choice not mine.  My yard is never going to look like a golf course, for which I am thankful. At night I have the joy of seeing firefly's, although my neighbors yards are missing them.  I have tons of bees of all types buzzing about.  The Japanese beetles are the bane of my garden, but I will silently pick them off my plants in the early hours when they are still and dispose of them in a bucket of soapy water.  They are not native and are destructive to our ecosystem. 

Guess it is kind of like we are programmed to do the things.  We are programmed to want that pristine lawn.  So many things like that are everywhere now... the sadness....

Before the sun ever rises, most days, Hubs and I have already shared some of the richest time of the day.  I will have tended gardens, prepared breakfast, we slowly move through a space that is there to be cherished. 

Taking notes, while wandering in the gardens, of what needs dealt with and making a plan in my head as to when I will take care of it.  I realized that I finally feel complete.  My days are now a mix of have to's (some things are simply a necessity) and want to's.  When I worked full time outside the home, I started to read a book, about taking back the weekend.  I never finished, it was simply depressing.  I knew with the path I had followed that was a fairytale.  My weekends were solely preparation for the week ahead and dealing with issues all weekend.  There was no peace to it, and there was definitely no taking it back. 

Hubs is off this weekend, he has three days off for the third weekend in a row and we are stumped.  We long to go camping (but its HOT with far too great a chance of rain for most of the weekend), we thought about visiting one of our favorite cities, and bum around - but again it's HOT! Who knows after a week spent doing deep cleaning and chores, we might just spend the weekend relaxing and resting. We have that luxury now.  We might not have as much disposable income these days as when I worked outside the home.  We definitely have a richer life.  

Well, as much as I am enjoying pondering and thinking out loud, I think it's time to fix myself a big glass of ice water with lemon and start on the things I want to do.  I might combine sewing and painting.  I can start the painting and do some piecing while it dries?  Sounds like a good idea to me...

Cherish the moments, stop being drawn into some of the ideas that are out there and simply live a good life.  I cannot recommend it enough... 

love and prayers... 

b

easily distracted...

I'm fairly certain I should never be left to my own devices, especially in a home filled with everything to feed my creative mind. For almost a year, I've been daydreaming about making a lighthouse for my garden beds. The passion developed after seeing the one my daughter had at her lake house.

I used to make garden decorations out of clay pots what seems like a lifetime ago, there are still a few random half painted small ones stuck on shelves. But as usual, I moved on to something else, never quite circling back.  To make things even more enticing, my daughter gave me a box of gardening pots, peeking out of the box were several clay pots.  

For the past few days, I have been completely wrapped up in creating.  Digging out supplies from various spots that I had hidden them. I still needed a few pots and sauces to finish the lighthouse shape, easily solved by a quick trip to the garden center. 

One of my sisters planted an idea in my head yesterday, one that I cannot past.  I am probably going to make a trip to the garden center for a few more pots.  I am not going to be able to get it out of my head if I don't.  I need to make that lighthouse, it needs to leave my mind. 

Glowing in the darkened garden

Puffin Pass sits in the lower garden area

Somehow in the midst of all the painting, I am still keeping up with the gardens, canning, freeze drying, quilting and all the other things that drift in and out of my thoughts and life. 

If you have never made your own maraschino cherries, I'm going to highly recommend it.  I made two types, one with Luxardo liquor, perfect for old fashioned. The majority of the jars are alcohol free, these were made primarily for my sweet dragon. She loves them. 

I am finding myself in such a peaceful space.  I am feeling the world changing all around me. The quiet space I'm creating is calming.  It's peaceful.  

In the cooler early hours the morning, Hubs and I worked on our yard.  Neither of us can handle the extreme heat, so we are thankful that the current heat wave has started to fade.  I managed to get all of the flower beds weeded and Hubs was able to fertilize the yard to help it deal with the extreme heat of summer.  I'm questioning why they even sell fescue in this area, as it is a cool weather grass and our weather is definitely not cool in the summer.  I find I question a lot as I age. 

For years I have ignored our lower yard, I'm fairly sure I have mentioned that.  It just didn't draw me in, it didn't invite me to spend time there, so I never really put energy into it. Each bit I put into it, tempts me to do a bit more.  To create a private small paradise. 

While the creative side of my heart is filled creating this personal space, my mind is filled with something entirely different. 

Lately, probably as a result of watching everything around me, I've been pondering the immense disconnect and lack of true community spirit that seems to be spreading. I am not usually an overly outgoing person, I know that I am completely comfortable alone.  Yet I do enjoy people.  

A neighbor reached out on our neighborhood Facebook page, sharing that she was a widow and newly retired, feeling a bit lost without a support group.  While out of town last summer, I couldn't reach Hubs for hours and the only neighbor I had contact info for was not in town for the day, the stress was incredible.  Yesterday listening to a podcast someone asked a question about what do you do as an "elder orphan". I think it struck me hard, simply because the point was being driven home that we do not have the communities we used to have.  The connections. 

There is something positive to be said about the old fashioned small town mindset.  I grew up on military bases, same kind of mindset. You shared skills, you supported each other, you were there when someone needed something.  No one walked alone.  

In that past few months several of our neighbors have moved (I never even met them), new families have moved in.  The last few I have made it a mission to get to know, even striving to learn and remember names. Baby steps. I am forcing myself to step out of my bubble, to create connections with the people that are in my immediate area.  To support those around me in whatever way I can or feel comfortable with. I'm still basically more comfortable alone. 

I now babysit a pup during the day, so her mommy can go to work without worrying about her being alone. She lives a few doors down. I've helped neighbors with their yard work, Hubs and I have pressure washed driveways and sidewalks.

I don't know why I'm feeling drawn to reach out, but I am.  A couple of our neighbors would like to get together to make fresh pasta and have a dinner together.  I love this idea, strangely.  I feel like many are starting to long for that sense of community.  Maybe we are moving past the closing our doors, putting up barriers?  

Only two are actually mine

For now, I'm going to continue taking small steps.  Creating beauty all around me.  And finding a way to create community.  I feel quite strongly about it.  I don't know why... I just feel very drawn to do it.

What do you think?  Am I losing my mind?  Is the world changing so much that I am grasping at the past or is there actually a need in this crazy world for us to come together, to stop all of the division?

Time to get back to work... I will ponder this later.... besides, I need to paint another lighthouse...

seclusion...

It's just a touch past 8 am... I already feel like I've put in a full day's work.  This heatwave (better known as summer in the mid-west) is in full force.  The humidity is unreal, making it seem far hotter than it really is.  I get up super early all the time, it's who I am.  During the season of ick, better known as summer around these parts it is a pure blessing.  I accomplish all of my outside tasks in the early morning coolness as the sun just starts to lighten the skies.

I have one set of garden beds that are still drinking in the semi-cool water, I'm giving that one a few more minutes than the rest.  My poor hydrangeas are seriously protesting this season, longing for the cool, wetness of spring time.  They are being complete drama queens, laying down each afternoon in complete surrender, offering up their tender leaves to the heat of the afternoon.  Pleading for an extra pitcher of water to quench their dire thirst.  Only to be fresh and beautiful in the morning light. 

Will the pretty blue make it... not this year.

Yesterday was spent in the kitchen, we'd picked up 20 lbs of Georgia peaches and 10 lbs of Washington cherries over the weekend and I needed to process them all. I still have about 5 lbs of peaches to go, but they are destined for a few cobblers and any that are left will be canned or freeze dried to savor later in the year when they are not readily available, we'll be able to open and enjoy a taste of summer.  

I've been experimenting with my freeze dryer, having moved on from making candies for the kiddo's.  Now its fruits and veggies.  I've fallen in love with freeze dried fruits, the intensity of them is unreal.  There is a batch of peaches in there right now, and cherries are on trays in the freezers waiting their turn.  If you have never tried freeze dried cherries, I highly recommend them! I started on the fruit journey a few weeks ago, when my dear friend and I crazily decided to go blueberry picking.  Over 11 pounds of fresh blueberries later, I definitely had to do something before they went bad.  Next I'm hoping to try some veggies, I've heard they are the most delicious chips when done correctly.  True veggie chips... 

This season has brought me another precious surprise, my Rose of Sharon is finally in full bloom again.  As I stood there in the quiet watering it this morning, I was remembering the first time I knew what it's name was and how much I treasure it.  My oldest and closest friend was here for my 50th birthday, and as we stood outside she told me what it was.  The next summer my grandson damaged all of them while trying to remove the honeysuckle that was taking over everything on the hillside.  I feared they would never return.

For years I've had a random bloom here, a random one there, but never a full covering of the beautiful flowers.  This year is different.  This year is brilliant. I just wish I could photograph it for you to enjoy, sadly, there are so many trees behind it that it fades into the background. I would love to have even more of them, anyone ever successfully grown one from seed?

skeeter plant anyone?

chocolate cherry tomatoes
maybe by July 4 

the holy basil is incredible this year
may be able to harvest for teas

I've really been wrapped up in my garden, yard and house this year.  I've felt a strong need to simply be.  I'm not engaging in much.  I'll glance at the news and socials off and on, but mostly I'm not.  I feel like so much is playing out all around us and I don't want to participate. 

Maybe that is selfish, I'm not sure.  Maybe it is more a case of self-preservation. I'm tried of the ugly, the insanity, everywhere.  I hardly go out and about because it is like a blanket over humanity.  I'm tired. 

I took the youngest grand to the pool the other day. I walked in circles in the lazy river, following her ever bobbing head as she stayed just ahead of me, I was subjected to so much taking place all around me. I was stunned.  The conversations, loud and obnoxious were distasteful.  The ugly was strong.  

I watched so many parents/grand parents... who knows maybe babysitters or siblings, show up with kiddo's not much older than our dragon.  They would put their stuff on a chair, tell the kids to go play and sit down with their phones, never once reengaging with their children.  I watched kids longing for attention, doing everything they could to get some.  It was heart breaking. Because when the cute stuff didn't work, they settled for bad and mean, anything to get the person ignoring them to have to engage. 

Waiting in line for her snack, we were forced to listen to a high school boy, intent on "impressing" the bikini clad girl.  The profanity in the midst of all the kids was so intense, he loudly vocalized thoughts on maintaining a job - disheartening, what girls wanted in a guy (he has a lot to learn I'm afraid), how school was a waste of time (hmmmm), and on and on, it was a long wait in the direct sun.  It was so bad that dragon asked to go play in the water nearby and she would come back when I got closer.  

There is just so much that is overwhelming.  I understand that things change, that each generation has to find their own rhythm and make their own rules, but dang... Young man, just showing up and doing as little as possible, is probably not going to move you forward to self sufficiency, especially since you feel that an employer cannot fire you as long as you are simply there.  

I often tell Hubs that it is our generations fault.  He's a boomer, I'm the first of Gen X.  We were the ones with the super strict parents, with good reason, but who can see that as a kid?  We were the original latch key kids, the ones that made our own way, as long as we were home when Dad whistled and those street lights came on. We rebelled, we didn't want that for our kids.  Hmmmm... wondering now if a bit of restraint in that area would have been good.  

a little nap on the ride home...

It all moves in cycles, the weather, growth of people, decline of people, money, economies, governments, education, the list is quite endless.  We are going through a very interesting time.  I'm sure we survive it, I'm sure we find commonalities and the like.  I guess I am becoming an old woman (yikes, I actually had the young kid at the pool tell me I was a senior the other day, I am still over a month from 60 thank you very much). 

For now, I feel strangely drawn to the peace I find in my own little spot in the world. Time with Hubs, chattering about hopes, dreams and plans. Puttering in the gardens, saving seeds for the next season.  Spending hours working on quilts and other art projects, feathering my nest with beauty. Spending time in person or on the phone with dear friends.  My life is full.  I don't need the chaos of the external world.

Before the summer is over, I hope to make a few barn quilts, I want to hang them on my backyard gates.  Slowly but surely we are creating a peaceful, sanctuary/outside living room on the lower patio.  Some of the work will wait until it cools in early fall.  

Now that the grass and flowers are growing where the Bradford pear tree used to stand, it's so enjoyable to sit down there. Once the temperatures chill off a bit, we will build a lattice wall to grow some clematis on. The one thing we've noticed is that in removing the trees we have forsaken a great deal of privacy.  A living wall will be beautiful. I may even paint a few smaller barn quilts to hang on the concrete walls, although I would truly love to paint the walls, the concrete is simply ugly. 

Ahhh... plans. 

Since Hubs is not home for lunch today, I'm going to plant up the planter he just got me and head up to the sewing room for a few hours.  I have a lot I want to accomplish and this brutal heat is definitely leading me inside to hide. 

I hope you are finding the pure beauty in your lives....

love and prayers, b

regrets?

There is a beautiful soft breeze blowing through the house, the sun is shining and it's nice and cool.  This is how springtime should be in my book. It's been a busy couple of weeks and I am flat out tired.  Like roll up the streets, dim the lights and call it a day.  Sadly, that isn't going to happen.  And it's far too late in the day to consider laying down for a quick nap.  So, I guess I'm just going to power through.  Although I am also going to sit here for a bit and rest.  

Do you have a lot of regrets in your life?  I spent time pondering that, among other things today, as I worked through my list of things to do.  I've really struggled lately with keeping up and these past few days I have been laser focused on getting things done.  One of the things I have been really diving into today while I was busy making soap, was about regrets.  Well, actually, one thought lead to another and so on and so on, the regrets conversation was the last one I ended up on as I was making the last batch of soap and finishing up my chores. 

I don't really have many regrets, I've always been the kind of person that considers things that didn't turn out quite like I expected as a learning experience.  I've always looked at things to see what I could learn from them.  So they aren't really regrets.  Except for one thing.  I can't go back and change it, and altering it in my life now doesn't change it either.  I would have loved to have lived my life to stay home and raise my own babies.  

I deeply regret all the jobs I had to take instead of the having that time with my kiddo's.  There were windows of time where I worked two or three to supplement our income, being a military wife meant you rarely got the seniority that would bring good raises.  I often wonder if they know how deeply cherished they are and that I would have worked around the clock to provide for them, but desperately wanted to just be home rocking my babies. That is my regret, that is probably my greatest heartbreak, and it is why I do anything I can to be there for my kiddo's and my grands. And it's also probably a big contributing factor to why my pups are so spoiled. 

I mean they get to have play dates!

What led me to that question was a winding trail that started with my mentally going over all the work of the past couple of weeks.  I am so thankful to be able to simply take care of my Hubs, my Pups, my home and yard.  I love being a homemaker.  I was pondering why they were ever able to convince women that they had greater value as an employee for someone else. 

This of course led me to my current aches and pains from getting the garden planted, moving dirt and putting out so much grass seed, cooking meals, making soap, doing laundry (oh wait that one hasn't happened this week).  Yesterday I spent over 5 hours taking care of the yard and garden.  Planting tomatoes, beans and peppers, harvesting lettuce and adding flowers to random pots to bring the pollinators into the garden.  Carrying dirt and compost up and down stairs and supplementing with egg shells, Epsom salts and the like. Repairing beds and trellises and adding lights to the yard.  So much needed done, and I am still not finished. 

Today, all these thoughts started creeping in at about hour 4 of soaping and doing chores.  I might love doing things in a far more "old fashioned way", I know that I thrive on knowing I am doing the best I can for my family, eliminating chemicals and the like.  I also know that there is no way on earth that I have it as tough as my ancestors did.  As I was using my little electric floor cleaner, instead of a traditional mop and bucket I started to really notice the time savings. When I started mixing the first batch of soap, I was finding myself feeling beyond grateful for the microwave that I heat my oils in and my immersion blender that is used to mix it all together in moments not long minutes.  The longest part of soaping for me is waiting for things to cool to temperature.

Mom... my treat ball is empty...

I pondered how women of old must have been so bone weary all the time.  I also gave credit to how their work load probably kept them in better shape than this woman is currently in.  Or maybe it didn't.  Maybe it caused premature aging and wearing out of the body.  I didn't really go too far down that path of inquiry. 

I just paused to go and pull the brownies that I made for tonight's dessert out of the oven, as I was coming back in, I thought about how helpful that tool is too.  No adding logs to keep it at the right temperature, no constant minding it. 

I am sure so many of our modern tools made the idea of going to work and bringing home a paycheck seem like an incredible opportunity.  Freedom even.  I can appreciate the sense of stability it brought to be able to not only contribute, but to be able to take care of yourself if need be. 

I get it, really I do.  But so much got lost on that journey to independence.  At least for me.  I don't begrudge anyone following their dreams.  I don't feel any of us need to be cookie cutter.  For me, it was a loss I can never bring back, those choices of long ago definitely had ripples into now. 

Yup, I find myself going down some interesting thought paths while I am puttering away at my daily lists.  I am thankful for the life I live now, I am blessed.  I cherish taking the time to do the things, not squeezing them into my little moments of free time.  But I do get tired.  My muscles hurt.  The arthritis I've had most of my life barks at me at the most inopportune times. And yet, I am happy. 

Tonight the girls will come for dinner, I can't wait to serve them a nice schnitzel dinner, to chat with them and spend time laughing and savoring the moments.  I wish my boy was close enough to join, sadly he's not.  I miss him being near, last night as I made my tea in the cup he bought me years ago (I save it only for tea at night, I never want anything to happen to it) I thought about him again, missed him more and sent him a small note.  He's busy living his life, but I always want him to know I think of him.  It's easier with the girls, they live close, I can drop everything and do something with them, I can't do that with my boy.  Hopefully, they all realize that I would do anything for each of them. 

One of my greatest treasures...

Yep, I have one regret, but I've also learned so much from it.  From all of them.  So... what about it, do you have any regrets?

another day...

What a difference 24 hours can make. Yesterday the world was a strange green, wet and raining.  The only sound in the morning was the rolling thunder and occasional lightening bolts. I started to write at least a dozen times, but yesterday was simply not a participation day.  I'm hoping it was the turning point on this mess with my face, as it's now transitioned past no feeling to lots of feeling, none of it pleasant.  I chose to rest yesterday, hoping it would make it less.  

I don't know if it was the rest or if it is the fact that I woke up to sunshine and birds chirping, but today is better.  Either way, today feels like I will participate. How much remains to be seen, but I will participate. As usual, I have way too many things I want to accomplish and a finite amount of time and energy to accomplish them. 

The extra oils I needed for soaping have arrived, they are currently sitting on the counter mocking me.  I really want to get a few made up today, so I might chose the easiest ones and tackle those.  Hubs is almost out of shaving soap and then I need to get with it on the ones that have to cure for so long.  

a bit of brightness in the dreary

I should go out and do some yard work, but it's supposed to be nice all weekend, so I think I will hold off for another day.  The headache this mess causes is quite wonderful in magnitude and I don't really want to invite it back. 

I still have a stack of quilting projects to finish and to start and Hubs and I decided to do another crafting show next month.  I am also longing to make several barn quilts to hang on my backyard gates.  They are so plain and barren looking, I am longing for vibrant colors and beauty. And I still haven't built the frame I want to make to try weaving rugs.  

Do you spy my Beau, 
bathing in the sunshine?

I love his big yawns!

I finally finished a full bobbin of yarn the other day, sitting peacefully in the backyard with an ever changing variety of pups for company.  I haven't spun a full bobbin in years.  Literally.  I had stopped because of the pain from my knee and fear of it returning.  My sweet spinning wheel has now been thoroughly cleaned and oiled and is ready for another round. I even pulled out my niddy noddy so that I could skein it up. 

Not bad for a refresher yarn. 
It's so soft. 

It's so nice when the pups have a play day with Piper.  It's so good for all of them, watching them moving all around the house and the yard, circling me while I sit on the deck.  I might spend time sitting in the sunshine and spinning again today, peaceful and productive.  

Piper is right at home napping the afternoon away

I am going to get Piper shortly and she and Belle seem to really enjoy following one another around and curling up in the sunshine together.  Both of them acting for all the world like the queens they are. My Beau just plays for a bit then heads up to stretch out under a ceiling fan and relax. Hubs and I both noted that the pups seem to sleep better when Piper is here and they don't chill all day. I end up laughing when Hubs returns home and all three of them are excited to see him.  It didn't take our little friend long to discover that he is the ultimate treat dealer. 

Yup, treat dealer...

Today we are still clinging to the wonderful mild temperatures of spring.  Something we had lost for a few years.  The rains, while intense and seemingly extreme, are truly the same ones we used to always have as we celebrated the April showers bringing May flowers.  For the first time in years it feels like the ground is actually saturated, not just damp on the surface as the water rushes to the sewer drains. I am enjoying this spring.  It feels extended and beautiful.  Mild. Welcome. 

I did notice there were a couple of 80° and 90° days lingering on the extended forecast for next week.  I'm not sure I'm really ready for that, but I will welcome it.  My gardens and grass need the sun and heat as much as the rains. 

As I read back over this, my rambling thoughts always overtake me, I realize that no one will ever be able to accuse me of having idle hands, the devil can just pass on by.  Idle isn't my theme, over stimulated and chaotic maybe, but never idle.  I simply don't slow down well.  

my sweet Hubs can make me smile

I guess I'd better stop rambling, I need to get a auction basket ready for the Vets group tomorrow and then... well I guess that is when I will decide what to tackle next.  Any guesses?