where is fall???

So... would bringing out the boots be sort of like washing your car?  Do you think it would bring back the beautiful cool fall days?  Just like washing your car brings on rain?

The Polly Anna in me has decided that is the case.  For the first time since late spring, I am wearing my ankle boots.  I'm hoping Mother Nature gets the hint.  Because this girl is desperate for fall to finally appear!  I am tired of being hot and uncomfortable!  I can't truly stand the heat.  I seriously without a moments hesitation would move north.  Somewhere with mild temps all summer would be perfect. Because I also happen to love the cold.

As Hubs and I strolled our favorite fall event, The Strange Folk Festival on Saturday, the sweat rolling down our backs and faces made it less than wonderful. It was beautiful, in fact looking at the pictures I took no one would believe that it was actually in excess of 96 out there. It really hindered our enjoyment of the event and our shopping experience.  Although it didn't stop me from buying yarn, even though I haven't picked up my needles in about a year... shhhh...

I'm taking a me minute this morning before dashing off to work.  A short minute to balance my brain and my life.  I am desperately trying to figure out how to bring it all back to center.

I didn't take my morning walk, decided I wanted that extra hour of sleep. But I did prep dinner for Hubs - I have to work late, but he will have a nice pot roast with potatoes and brussels waiting for him when he gets home for his busy day at work.  And I did pack my lunch and chop up some fresh veggies for snacks and cooking.  And it's only 8:30 am.  So I am feeling rather accomplished.

Had some quality time with Hubs and breakfast together at the table, too.  Although I am not so sure that the LONG leisurely walk with the boys counts as any form of exercise, after all as the human's on the other end of the leash... well, honestly we barely move.

I know it's shocking lately isn't it? Time with the Hubs and the boys.  I feel a happy dance coming on!

I'm sitting here looking around my home.  The mail is still scattered slightly on the island, a couple of new magazines to add to the pile of ones I haven't made time to read yet, and a Craftsy catalog open to a pattern that has caught my attention.  My flowers are bright and perky in the middle of the island, and lunch boxes are sitting there ready for another day. The "house elf" did the dishes that I was too tired to do last night after fixing dinner.  And all I hear are the subtle snores of the boys and the ticking of the clock.

We lost the turtle last week.  His fountain was a constant sound for almost 15 years.  It broke my heart a bit.  I know he was simply a turtle, but when you've cared for something for 15 years, well... it becomes a part of your life.

Each time we lose one of our babies, the silence feels overwhelming.  You realize how much they leave a mark on your life.  My boys are slowing down a lot lately.  The big guy's eyes are starting to get hazy and his boundless energy only comes in spurts now.  I am already missing the pounding of his big puppy feet running endlessly up and down the stairs.  I'm noticing that he waits patiently to see if we truly do intend to go and or stay wherever we have wandered.  The big lug that used to plow you down when you come home now ambles slowly up to you wagging that big ole tail to let you know he is still just as excited to see you.

My little guy continues to amaze me.  I was told I would lose him almost two years ago now.  Yet he still sleeps curled up next to me.  He doesn't bounce up and down the stairs anymore either, and we often have to supervise his trips on them as he's lost his footing a few times.  Those short legs don't have the bounce they used to possess. He sits when he eats his treats now, his bouncy personality replaced of a gentle calmness.

And then there is the cat... She's my son's, but he can't have her.  And honestly she's lived with me since she was a wee baby, taking her away now would probably upset her. She misses her boy, whenever he comes home she stays by his side non-stop, the rest of the time, she is always near me. At 15 she still acts like a kitten most days.

Time keeps moving on.

I think that is what is driving me to balance my life out.  Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.  I was only semi-joking with my kids when I sent them text messages that said "if the world ends today, remember I love you", in response to the prediction that Nibiru would end the world on September 23rd.

I'm not really worried about a mysterious planet ending the world, nor am I a big proponent of any of those end of days predictions.  But sadly, life is finite for each of us.  And I firmly believe in what we do with our "dash".  At the end of it, I don't want my family and loved ones to feel that all I did was work.  I want them to all know that I loved them first and foremost.  I want them to sit around and remember the meals I cooked for them, the laughter, the love, the always being there.  I want them to always know that they were the important piece. They were the reason I worked, to help provide.

Tomorrow really isn't promised.  And lately well between natural and man made disasters and struggles, it's looking a lot like someone or something is trying to make us pay attention to what is important.

So I feel like... loving my loved ones a bit more, fixing those dinners so that we have time together, spending time doing things that make me feel fulfilled, and loving on those fur babies just a bit more.  I think I can keep myself busy while I wait for fall... but it sure better hurry!  I am definitely TIRED of being hot...

understanding the protests...

I have a few minutes to savor my coffee and munch on my breakfast before packing my lunch and maybe dinner for work. It's been a series of long days.  A series of days filled with uncertainty and pain.

Hubs keeps telling me we are living in the end days.  Several friends seem to always agree with him, yep I'm on to you Miss B.  I am not sure I agree or not.  I am struggling with understanding what is going on in my area and the world as a whole.

I hear and see such a mixture of things.  I am trying to stay neutral.  I'm trying to observe and be objective. I see hurt, anger, fear, hopelessness and hopefulness.  I see people struggling with who they are and who they want to be.  Everywhere I look I am seeing opposite sides of every coin.

Each side is right, from their perspective.  I am finding far too few voices and people that are willing to look towards finding the common ground and building from there.

I don't have to see everything from your lens to appreciate your point of view.  And I don't want you to see everything from mine. What I am searching for, in the midst of all the chaos and feelings is that common ground.  That spot where we can all come together, agree on something important to us all, marginalize the external items that are not part of that common ground, and build something great together.

I fear that far too often we allow those external forces to over-ride common sense.  That little voice in our head that is shouting for us to listen.

Since slightly before our national election I have limited my exposure to news sources, it's been entirely by choice.  I felt that I was becoming a news junkie and I was also feeling slightly brain washed. The past week has caused me to dive back into the chaos.  I have a facility in the heart of the Downtown region, I need to know what is going on.  I have staff and members that I want to be able to support and listen to.  To insure that if they are concerned about their safety I am hearing them and if they simply need to talk that I am able to be a part of their conversation.

I am not doing well with being back involved with the influx of information. I feel my FMS starting to flare, too much input of stressful information, too little sleep.  And the anxiety of being able to see both sides clearer than I want to and not knowing how to move forward.

I had a powerful conversation with one of my staff on Tuesday.  I didn't have to agree with everything she said, although I found it to be a very thoughtful, non-aggressive conversation.  And I did not expect her to agree with everything I said.  For the first time since moving to this area, I found a glimmer of understanding of the deeper and truthfully darker side of the disconnect in this community.  Something I have felt since moving here.  I can't say I completely understand it.  I don't know that you can completely understand another person's thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams.  I feel it is impossible, which is where that feeling of seeing opposite sides of the same coin comes from.

I finally felt a bit more understanding.  I still feel that protesting and rioting is not going to solve anything.  On any side of things.

When you take it down to a far smaller place than a crowd in the streets blocking traffic for attention, when you take it down to that place that every mother on the planet knows and understands.  There are grown people that are desperate for someone to hear their pleas, to see that they have a need that is not being met and they are searching for that "mother" that understands each and every cry.

The moment you hold your first born child you quickly learn, usually within the first few hours, what each whimper and cry means. The length of the cry, the depth, the tone.  Each one means something very different.  Hunger, discomfort, diapers, a need to be held, a need to stretch out, a need to be swaddled because of insecurity and fear.

When they hit the terrible twos... my personal favorite age... they are only losing their minds and throwing a tantrum because once again they have a need that isn't being met.  Maybe because they don't yet have the words to explain the need, maybe because the need itself is something that they don't truly understand.  My personal feeling is that it is often linked back to those same things they needed when newborns, but with the added level of now they are starting to understand frustration and boredom.  The need to be held and to have space has grown to the need to explore and grow.

The teen years seem to keep starting earlier.  All those same needs are there.  They have the communication skills, but maybe not the temperament to clearly define those needs.  What mother hasn't had a stand-off with their child about their plans, thoughts and ideals?  Because even when you understand what they are saying, you are still a mom.  Your baby needs your protection.

Which brings me to where my thoughts are going today.  Those people that are marching in the streets, that are shouting, or silently holding a sign.  Are all doing it because they haven't been heard.  At some point since infancy when all of those basic needs were met without pause, we've stopped listening.

Each of us has very basic needs.  Love, respect, happiness, safety, and a chance are the first things that come to mind.  I have my personal opinions about more tangible things, those are my opinions only.

As a mom, I want my children to feel unconditional love.  To know that whatever path life takes them down, that I will be there to support them. What mother doesn't have that as her highest hope in life?

I want my children to be not only respected, but respectful.  That comes in many different possibilities. I personally raised my babies to follow the golden rule, "do unto others as you would have them to do unto you". Do people nowadays even learn that?  I don't know. But when you can treat others with differing opinions and thoughts than you possess with love, kindness, compassion and respect, magic happens in my opinion.

Happiness... what person doesn't need pure happiness in their lives.  Who doesn't smile and possibly giggle a bit when they hear a babies laughter.  Adults need that also. Each of us should be able to pursue what makes us happy without fearing that we will be judged (unless of course it harms another person and then lets go back to that love and respect thing).  I'm an old fashioned person that loves all the home making skills of old - this makes me happy.  My son is happiest playing computer based games with hundreds of like minded people - that makes him happy.  Each of us needs what will help us grow.

Safety, now that one as a mom, well it lights my hair on fire.  I completely understand the momma bear that will protect her cubs even if it means her death.  I want my child, and every child to feel safe.  I know the horror of lying awake at night fearful for your babies.  Every mother on earth does. No one should have a fear of simply living.  I'm not anti-gun, I don't own one, but if you would like to, feel free.  I have to admit that I am anti-drugs, now understand I also do not truly believe in the government definition of a drug (but that's for a different time). But safety, each of us deserves to feel safe and secure in our environment.  I long for the days of children playing in the park until the lights came on. Without the fear that someone or something could harm them.  And honestly, my children are grown, but I still want this feeling for them.  A child is a child no matter how grown.

And finally a chance.  I wish that I could say my children always had the best of everything.  The best schools, the best clothes, the best food, the best homes.  The truth is they didn't.  There were times where we barely had money to buy mac n cheese (the boxed kind thank you).  My daughter still has horrid memories of the clothes that her mom made for her, our tastes were dramatically different, but it was all I had to give.  Schools, well that is always a crap shoot.  But the one thing I did manage to give them was a fighting chance.  A belief that they could accomplish anything they wanted to accomplish. It's the same gift my parents gave to me.  Some day maybe I will share some of that... Every child born deserves a fighting chance.  An opportunity to have doors open for them, someone reaching out to help guide them.

These are just my opinions, they are just the ideas that are going through my head as I struggle to process things that I don't fully understand or comprehend. It is simply my personal growth process.

I want love, respect, happiness, safety and a chance for everyone.  I also want compassion, understanding, and a personal willingness to grow.  Notice I didn't say I want peace?  I guess in my heart I feel that only becomes possible when we can find a way to achieve the rest.

I would love to hear other thoughts.  All I ask is that they are said respectfully.

musings of a "doer"

These kind of days are the hardest for me.  I love my career path, it makes me happy.  But days like this, make me long for the life I used to live.

I miss having a garden.  I miss going out to forage through the leaves and vines to find the treasures glistening in the sunlight.  If you haven't ever been blessed to eat a tomato still warm from the sun, you truly won't appreciate that statement.  And if you haven't... what in the WORLD are you waiting for?

There is nothing as wonderful as picking produce that you have grown, nurtured, and patiently guarded against every other critter in nature to savor at that perfect moment of ripeness. Not the slightly green, slightly unripened fruits and veggies that you gather at the market complete with directions on how to ripen them at home in either a paper bag or on the counter or window sill. I get it.  I understand that the shelf life of truly fresh produce is short.  Which makes the gift that much sweeter.

While Hubs and I were dropping presents off to our grand daughters this morning, our daughter gifted us with a bowl of fresh from the garden yellow cherry tomatoes!  Heaven!

I would love to go and get some fresh fruits that I pick at the farmers market and make up some jams and such.  My free time is so limited now that I have to pick and choose my passions.

Sitting with the girl this morning as she is talking about making candles, painting, maybe even doing something with t-shirts, I was feeling envious.  I know this pace won't be going on forever.  I know it is a temporary blip in time.

Maybe it's genetic, tied back to generations before, the need to gather, get ready for the cold, to be prepared for whatever my family might need.  All of the season changes cause different feelings that go far deeper than simply memory.  But the change from summer to autumn has the strongest pull.  While everyone is going nuts about pumpkin flavored everything (no thank you by the way!) my soul feels the need to start cooking, creating, lining my nest with treasures to prepare for the winter ahead.

Yes, my brain completely understands that it is 2017 and if I need something I can go to the store, pick it up.  I don't NEED to create warm blankets, can my own food, knit my own socks and sweaters I can run to any 24 hour store and get them at any time of the day.... but....

yeah... but...  where is the joy in that?  What type of satisfaction does that bring.  My DNA refuses to move into this century.  Where is the love that is careful put into every handmade stitch, each stir of the pot?  The quickest way to my heart is to present me with something that you put time into creating, designing, cooking, etc. Why?  Because to me it screams that you had to think about me the entire time that it was coming into existence.  It's almost impossible not to.

I'm on call today, so I can't go far from work.  I am thankful for this day.  I just loaded a quilt on my quilting frame, I have the paint to paint my front door trim, I will soon be cooking a delicious dinner for the Hubs.  I will make a grocery list to complete a few other "projects" that I am working on, surprises for loved ones.  And I will simply enjoy the day.

Feel like I should be dusting off my bonnet and aprons.  Getting the fishing poles ready to go and catch supper.  It feels like a little house kind of day.

Oh I am beyond grateful that I have no need to wash my dishes or clothes by hand.  Trust me, I do appreciate the modern "gadgets".  But there are times, I long for a slower pace.  I long for the busy work of the day to be replaced by meaningful work to care for my family and loved ones.  I understand those were hard times, that we have it easier now.

Then I question... do we? Has all the "easier" ways of doing things fed into "idle hands are the devils workshop"?

I cherish that my daughter keeps her daughters (even the baby) and their friends busy. That they are always creating, doing, exploring and expanding.  I am fairly sure that I will never hear that they have harmed someone.  That there actions have lead to a crime.  Honestly, she doesn't give them a chance to get that bored.  They have chores, they are always creating something, and despite her loathing of messes, I did see the cookie kits that I bought for them sitting ready on the kitchen counter this morning.

I read the other morning of a child that was my mini-me's age when she started planting gardens to fed the hungry in her community.  I have read of young men that go around their neighborhoods mowing lawns for elderly neighbors - not for pay - out of love and respect.

I fear that in making life too easy, we've taken away the joy that laboring can provide.  That escape. Most of the people I know that are filled with love and happiness in life have "hobbies" (yep, that is what we seem to call what used to be life skills) that somehow tie back to doing for others.  Even the simplest acts.

Well, I guess I've allowed my brain to wander around these thoughts too long.  I need to get busy with the things that I want to do, the things that keep my hands from being idle, my brain from being stagnate, and my soul filled with the love and beauty that it needs. I really have spent the past week refilling my own bucket.

I've needed it.  Are you a doer?

in search of hope...

The only sounds right now are the sounds of a house being cleaned.  Dishwasher running, washer spinning.  I'm on my last sips of coffee, sitting here with chilly toes, too lazy to climb the stairs for a pair of socks.  Savoring my final day of my staycation.

Hubs has built me my first fire of the season.  Something to warm my toes. It's embers are struggling to catch, the wood is still a bit damp.

Hubs has a few more days, but I was already scheduled to work this weekend and we are short staffed. So back to work I go. By this time tomorrow I will be sitting in a meeting.  I will deliberately position myself with my back to the windows.  This is the time of year that draws my attention away.  This is the time of the year that finds me longing to be outside.

I can be doing anything, as long as it is outside!

Today is finding me feeling apprehensive.  Seems our country is suffering greatly.  Some of it is natural disasters, some of it human disasters, some of it a combination of both.  Briefly heard about the fires in LA (I know it is an almost annual occurrence, but devastating just the same), but only briefly.  Because a hurricane rapidly descended on Houston, southern Texas and Louisiana.  Causing chaos, destruction and sadly death.

Immediately started to hear about the fires consuming the Pacific Northwest - Montana and Oregon are the first to come to mind.  I have family and friends in all of those areas.  Somehow, I feel like everyone of us has someone that has been touched by all of these disasters.

Some of those fires were started by nature.  Some were started by selfish bored children, that evidently lacked the foresight that their actions would be catastrophic.

I'm no sooner wrapping my mind around all of those things.  Checking in with people I know and love, praying they are all okay, when the news starts showing up of another hurricane (actually two).  The largest recorded.  Barreling down on the Caribbean Islands and it appears heading straight for Florida's eastern coastline. I have many, many friends and family that live in that area. Each time I see a projection I get more concerned. Will they evacuate?  Taking their loved ones, pets and basic memories with them? Will they be "brave" and stay?  The most recent projection I saw showed it moving north/ northeast and hitting Georgia and South Carolina too.

I haven't been in that position.  I've managed to be gone when things like that have occurred. Sure we had an ice storm take our power out a few years back.  Lived at the end of a power trunk, we weren't in a critical area, it was in excess of a week.  That is what generators are for.  It was uncomfortable, definitely inconvenient, but the world didn't end as we knew it.  We had to throw out some food, it took a few days to figure out how to keep the turtles warm.  But we managed.

Our home and memories were not washed out to sea.  Our lives were not in jeopardy.  We didn't have to make the heart wrenching decisions to save our families or our pets (for the record, regardless I would find a way to save both - yes I am that person).

We didn't have to watch our lives turn to ashes, literally. We have been near fires, floods, devastation, but by the blessings from God, we've been away from it.

Civil unrest seems to be a bit more of a danger for us. Human disasters.

Sure we get tornadoes and we are right on the fault line if the New Madrid decides to move again, but so is most of the country for that matter.  After all they felt it in Boston, New York and at Old Faithful last time it decided to stretch it's muscles.  But those things are not that common where we live, the tornadoes come close, we've watched the eerily green sky descend. And we've felt minor tremors, but so far...

The unrest is what worries me.  Before heading out on vacation, I received a call from our property management company.  Letting me know there would be a safety and security meeting and that I should either attend myself or be sure to send someone.

I was perplexed and had to do a bit of snooping into local news.  It seems I tend to ignore local news way too much.  One of my b's keeps me in touch with reality most of the time.  I had seen the barricades going up in various official places over the week.  Although truthfully, it didn't occur to me to question it.  I'm a military brat, you get used to seeing barricades installed and become fairly immune to it.

The part that startled me, that lead me to be concerned, was the video I watched. Men and women holding signs, shouting in preemptive protest. Evidently the Jason Stockley trial has finally concluded. There will be a verdict soon.  And the potential verdict promises to make the Ferguson riots look like a minor disagreement.

I wasn't there.  Not for the shooting, not for the trial.  Based on the few things I have managed to find and read, I assure you that I do have a gut feeling. But I wasn't there.

The "activists" and clergy leading that press conference sent chills down my spine.  It made me feel a sense of hopelessness for our city and country.

Do I want to believe that the right outcome will happen. Yes I do.

Do I want to believe that these angry people, issuing threats, will believe that the person that was there will make the best decision based on what was presented to them?  Of course.

Do I have faith in our judicial system to come to the right outcome? That remains to be seen. The sole decision rests in the hands of a single judge, the former officer declined a jury hearing. Personally, I feel this type of decision needs far more people to be part of the final decision.

Police can be bad people.  There is no magic way to know that the person you trust to protect society doesn't really have a personal agenda that they are willing to use that badge to accomplish. History has proven that time and time again.

The people at the press conference have promised destruction and damage.  Long term. The Governor has promised the National Guard. None of this sounds like it's going to lead to a peaceful resolution.

The judge has plenty of time yet to decide to announce his decision.

What will it lead to?  I work in the heart of where they are promising to shut it down.  Will we become an epicenter for more heartbreaking civil unrest?  Will the activists be local people representing a wrong?  Or will it be like it became in Ferguson, outsiders bused in to meet someone else's agenda.

As I bow my head to pray for each natural disaster, I am also praying for the young man's family.  I saw on the news where his family has asked for peace.  I am prayerful that this verdict does not rip open a wound that is already far too painful for them. They have lost enough.

There are so many good, kind and loving people here in this area.  I am blessed to see it on a daily basis.

There have been many so wrongs on every side of things, wrongs that go back generations.  And the struggle to overcome those things is like a slow festering infection.

It seems there is a storm brewing here in the heartland...

Mother nature is stirred up, and it seems like humanity is also.

Slowing down...

Crisp, cool, an early autumn treat! Yoga pants and sweatshirts.  Pure heaven!  I needed this. Mother Nature and I are definitely thinking alike!

I'm sitting here in my slightly messy kitchen, desperately wishing I was a far more organized person. I have the best of intentions.  Always.  Some days I am more successful than others. Today, well, today does not feel like it is going to be one of "those" days.

Hubs has a headache, I'm sure the drastic temperature change has a lot to do with it. And the pollen and mold count has to be high, always is when changes happen.

Me?  I'm sitting here listening to one of my favorite cd's, sipping my coffee, waiting for him to return from a quick trip to the grocery.  We've been wanting to try scotch eggs, both of us are intrigued.  While I soft boil eggs he is picking up the sausage.  Do I feel these will qualify as low-fat or even remotely healthy?  Nope, sure don't!  But I do feel that they will qualify as good for the soul.  It's all about balance right?

I am definitely wanting to get back to making more of my food at home.  So today is all about prepping some meals, stocking the fridge and freezer with good for us, yummy meals.  And I just got my copy of Lisa Lillien's Obsessed. There are many recipes in there that need to be made.

Lasagna, Sweet and Sour Spare Ribs and I'm thinking some made from scratch noodles are on the agenda today.  All of these freeze well and we can quickly eat lunches and dinners.

I'm tired of eating out.  I no longer have the energy or desire to drive somewhere, to listen to children that are completely out of control and parents too wrapped up in their phones to give a crap about what they are doing.

I am tired of hoping for a moment of rest and a good meal, and realizing when I get the outrageous bill that it's been loud, stressful, no chance for conversation, I've pleaded for a refill of my water or the flip side and the waiter/waitress has appeared every bite to ask a question.  I'm tired of requesting my food one way and receiving it wrong.  Of sitting there hungry, nibbling on the bread I didn't want, waiting for my dinner while Hubs is not only finished his dinner but had time to eat a dessert also.

I remember when eating out was a treat.  A joy. When did eating at home become the treat?  Taking time to make a meal, setting a table, lighting a candle and opening a bottle of wine used to be common place.  I remember hearing my dad "ordering" (that is meant kindly - my dad is a career military man, he usually issues "orders" about everything) us girls to set the table for dinner.

The routine, the ritual.  The act of creating a meal and nourishing your family.  It seems we are losing that. I know we have been.  My cookbooks are gathering dust.

I was talking with my girl the other day, she's focusing on that very thing.  Complete with making the baby's food fresh.  Meals should not come in a plastic container. Or a brown paper bag.

Hubs arrived home with beautiful "talking flowers" (he claims they were calling to him to bring them home to me), although they are more commonly known as Alstroemeria, they don't have a fragrance, but they are beautiful, soft white with a slight purple center.

He knows I love flowers.

I made the scotch eggs.  Surprisingly they are quite good and very filling.  Sitting in the quiet of our dining room, chatting with Hubs, such a dramatic change from the "special" breakfast that he took me out to the other day.  Sure my boys were sitting at my feet, nudging for a treat, sure beats the kid having a meltdown behind me grabbing his food and screaming.  It was soft and quiet today.  Just us.

I keep saying that I need find balance.  Maybe this is the start.

Balance needs to start somewhere.  Instead of rushing from point A to point B, with barely a chance take a deep breath.

I fear that too many times I get caught up in the rat race.  Listening to the breeze through the trees, the sunlight dappling like God's paint brush on the leaves that are changing colors outside my windows. It's reminding me to slow down.

As soon as Hubs is finished watching his show, we will run out to take care of our errands. Somewhere in there I feel like we will take a walk, maybe in a beautiful park, or in an area with small locally owned shops.  Not a hurried walk.  No mission. Just casual, slow, enjoying each other, the breeze, the sunshine and the being part of something greater than ourselves.

At some point today we will load that quilt top I finally finished on the quilt frame.  I determined last night that I will be finishing these last two and then I will not be taking any commission work.  It steals my joy from the process.  It becomes work.  It ceases to be about the joy of creating. I need to go and get a backing and batting for it first.

My fingers are starting to itch again to feel the smoothness of my knitting needles.  My ears are longing to hear the rhythmic whirl of my spinning wheel, to feel the silky roving as it slides through my fingers. My senses are all longing to be engaged again.  My nose cannot wait to smell the spices as I make the the lasagna sauce.

I'm enjoying this slower pace.  This more intentional way of living.  I'm finding joy in the little things again. Filling the dishwasher, cleaning the floors, cooking, doing laundry.

I guess I'm just an old fashioned housewife at heart.  Heels, pantyhose, dresses and makeup cannot hide the fact that my heart is always in search of the basics.

it's staycation time...

It's been a day of listening to old country songs, dragging my mind back in time.  September has arrived in a beautiful fall fashion, crispy evening and early morning air and beautiful, breezy cool days. I am in love.

Tonight walking the boys I was I remembering when we used to take vacation at this time of the year every year.  We'd head south to Sullivan and our little spot on Piney Creek.  I remembered why tonight. I love this time of the year.  It seems to be a gift for surviving a miserable mid-west summer.

Today as my brain was going a million different directions, following the cuts I was making on the quilt I am working on. Hubs and I are on a staycation.  We both seriously needed it.  I wanted to go see my boy, but he's busy getting ready for the next part of his life journey and I needed to be closer just in case.

Today was a stay at home and work on the "to do" list.  Tomorrow will probably find us out and about on the motorcycle again.  I have to go back on Friday, so I am definitely watching those precious days of vacation grow shorter. I am behind on two quilts I owe to others and I have been working on that while Hubs is vegging out in front of the television.  The peace I find in books, the journeys and the travels my brain can take, he finds in the fantasy, fiction and non-fiction acted out for him. I think the most important thing is that we are both simply resetting.  It feels so good.  My brain isn't being forced to work, unless I want it to.  Each day has involved a nap, porch sitting and rest.

Good German lunch... 

Winery #1

Can you see the grapes?  I think these are the Norton's

because he always rushes to take a photo for people <3

The past few days have found us roaming about on the motorcycle, enjoying wineries, and simply being.

My favorite wine. Vignoles

The garden & live music

Plenty of room to dance, too bad I don't...

Winery #2

Do you see the early changing colors?

Bloody Mary Break in Kimmswick

It's been very peaceful.  Given us both time to step back.  Even spending some time with the youngest grand baby.

Can you believe the Panda is 6 months already?

I've started following Jay Shetty on Facebook.  He is so positive and forces you to think about things from different perspectives. Recently he shared a post about the three loves we will find in our lives.  It really spoke to me.  It keeps popping back up in my brain, that is how I know I was meant to "hear" the words.

It talked about the first love being that wild crazy doomed from the start love.  Yep, been there.  It ended.  Although I have a beautiful, smart, wonderful, intelligent, wild, crazy, compassionate daughter that I cherish as a reminder.  The article said this one was usually short and insane.  Check that one off.

The second love was the one that maybe, kinda, should'a worked.  It's that person that you love, but isn't "the" person.  It is real, it genuine and all too often it is wrong.  It's just they aren't "that" third person, the ONE.  Sometimes they are or sometimes we just settle for good enough.  Been there too.  It took a long time to accept that wasn't the final chapter.  From that section of my life book, I have a gentle, loving, crazy intelligent, handsome, compassionate, genius of a son.  His golden eyes and sweet smile warm my heart. Check that one off too.

My love, my heart, my other half... together we are one

The third person, for those of us lucky enough to get there, is "the one".  The person that makes you whole.  That can make you smile when it's the last thing crossing your mind.  The one that quite silence is okay with.  They are your soul mate.  You can complete each other's sentences, even when you are complete opposites.  You laugh, love, smile, share, and exist simply to complete that other person.  You are finally able to be yourself, to be comfortable in the silence, to not have to be side by side all the time, because you don't have to.

Yep, check that one off too.  Hubs is the ying to my yang, he is the light to my dark and the complete opposite at the same time.  So many times we seem to share the exact same brain waves. He used to always type GMTA - great minds think alike - when we were thousands of miles apart, and communicating via instant messenger.

As I was listening to the music, my mind dancing seamlessly between the past, the present and day dreaming about the future, songs that defined my life playing.  I felt calm and blessed.  I remember struggling through so many times in my past.  Daydreaming of how to either survive or run from what seemed hopeless situations.

I'm finally at a place of peace.  I have a husband that is also my best friend.  Who understands that even though it is only 62 degrees out, when I send him a text that says "it's pistachio night".  He not only understands, he rushes upstairs with car keys and a wallet, because he knows it's my favorite and I will gladly freeze to have a scoop or two as they only have it once or twice a month and they close in 2.5 months.  Yep... he simply gets me!

Full moon and we have the place to ourselves!

Listening to all my old favorites, the sound track of my life.  I am so thankful that I have made it to number 3.  To that true, honest, pure, forever love!  I often joke the greatest gift my ex gave me was leaving me.  It's really only a semi joke, because if he hadn't... I wouldn't have Hubs in my life.  My heart is full.