can we talk?

What an incredibly busy morning!  I actually slept in as Hubs put it, I mean 5:30 am is a bit late for me.  Hubs had to get going super early, so I spent a few minutes marveling at the changes in the world, just since going to sleep last night, checking on things that are important to me while I drank my morning coffee.  There is so much going on in the world right now, so very much.  I hope that people are opening their eyes to see all that is coming to light, all of the changes, sadly, I fear many are not. 

Breakfast with the Hubs by six, puppies fed, a quick refill to my coffee cup and up the stairs I went as soon as he left for the day.  It was a super productive first hour of the day, I truly was longing to go back to sleep, my rest has been interrupted by a lot of crazy dreams lately, instead I headed to my sewing room. 

I am working on a commissioned quilt, in fact now is simply a back break, all the squares are pieced and I need to play puzzle on the floor to assemble it in a way that is most pleasing. I figured as long as I needed to stop for a few, I would write.  

I spent the morning listening to my favorite preacher, listening intently to her words, the scriptures she shared and the message.  I rarely start my day any differently.  I pray God understands that in order for my brain to retain information, my hands need to be busy.  I truly subscribe to idol hands being the devils workshop, as mine are rarely still. The message was powerful. I needed to hear it.  

Are we ready?  When God moves and rights this mixed up world we are living in, are we truly ready?  I felt strongly that I could say yes, but my eyes were a bit glassy when I thought about the many masses that are still wearing blinders to it all. What will be the outcome for them?  Heartbreaking to consider. 

I am still looking into the verses, I want to understand deeper the message.  I moved on to listening to several of my favorite homesteading creators.  I often resonate with their messages and I learn so much from them.  The two I listened to while stitching away often come from different angles making the learning that much deeper.  Today they approached a topic from similar and yet very different angles.  It was interesting and seriously had my head spinning as I worked and listened. 

I'm sure if you are even remotely listening to anything that isn't straight mainstream media, you are aware that there is a dire shortage of diesel.  This is due to some incredibly stupid ideas and policies at it's very core.  You might even be aware that there have been many warnings that there will be food shortages and the like.  Or maybe you have done your own math, looked at your own expenses and realized that the inflation rate is far greater than you've been told.  

At any rate, there are issues in this world right now.   This isn't an American thing, it's global, look at what is going on around the world if you doubt it.  They were exploring things going on regarding food security and having the basics one needs.  Many groceries will not be able to get food, those big old semi's move almost all of it.  The one was speaking about the sheer number of grocery stores going out of business already.  The apparent push towards already huge groceries buying up smaller ones and the limited resources rapidly happening outside of large cities.  There's an agenda out there that speaks to this being a goal.  Look it up. 

The other one was speaking about a channel that she follows saying that people will not need to garden.  That blows my mind.  They were speaking about you would just get everything from the grocery.  Um... at what cost?  

The second one has a family member that is still alive that lived through the last great depression, so she spoke at depth with her.  The words resonated in my heart and soul.  I firmly believe that God will take care of all of us, that he will right things, that we will make it through these times.  

Several things really popped in my head while sitting there happily sewing away and listening to all of this. The first was in regards to are we ready.  If you doubt that things can change in a day, maybe you need to think back to that Friday in March of 2020.  It's etched in my mind, things definitely changed in a day for everyone.  Not all of us experienced the dramatic changes of basically being prisoners in our own homes, of our jobs ceasing (some permanently), but all of us experienced a dramatic change.  

How many were ready for that change?  Do you remember the panic buying of supplies, the uncertainty, the fear?  I mean I am truly still trying to understand the toilet paper panic, but I digress. When the coming changes happen, and I firmly, with my entire heart believe they are coming, how many will be ready? How many have looked beyond the programming that is bombarding us daily to really see what is going on and heeded the warnings and words that have been out there.

Another thought that became very prevalent in my mind, is one that has been rattling for a good long while.  Some of those groceries, and other businesses, are closing because of no employees.  I struggled with that myself when I still worked outside of the home.  I also explored the "no one wants to work phenomenon".  Struggling to understand where all the employees have magically disappeared to, pondering how people were living/surviving without a job, questioning work ethics, ideas, things we have been taught to believe.  

For the longest time, I truly believed the narrative (yep in this case I am going to use that word).  The longer I have been away from the "work a day world", I have other ideas.  Maybe it isn't that no one wants to work.  Maybe, and hear me out, maybe the forced shutting of the world lead to an awakening that no one expected.  

For far too long the family unit has been neglected.  The goal has been to own and buy far more than needed, i.e. keeping up with the Jones' mentality.  And for the record I also do not subscribe to the "you will own nothing, and be glad of it" mentality either.  When we were locked down, schools closed, day care deemed only for truly "essential" employees, stores closed or limited, etc... Maybe, just maybe the mindset shifted. 

Instead of the gradual women's liberation movement that took several generations to accomplish, in one fell swoop families had to re-evaluate priorities and lives. 

Did that plethora of workers, the overflowing abundance of people searching for jobs to keep up with what society deemed important realize that they didn't need all of that?  

Did they realize that we have way too many businesses.  The joy of cooking at home and eating a meal with your loved ones.  Did they realize that having the latest and greatest clothing in the seasons' colors and styles really didn't matter that much?  Did they do the math and figure out that Mom (or Dad) having that job that created the families second income wasn't nearly worth what they were giving up in return?

Many times over my working life I did that math, it shattered my heart that I was giving up precious time with my babies for an extra $100 or so dollars a week after you took out for all the extra expenses connected to working.  Yet, I always justified it, I always found a reason that I needed to stay at work, to keep up with what was expected. 

Maybe folks have realized so much of what they thought they needed, what they were programmed to need (marketing anyone?) wasn't really that important after all.  And maybe at least one parent is now at home raising their family, taking care of their homestead, doing the things that they were paying someone else to do.  

I don't believe people became lazy, okay some did, I do believe that most people's priorities changed.  They got tired of the true cost of being a link in the chain that was making others rich and stealing too much from them. 

Doubt it?  Take a look at what is all around.  

Families need tending by someone invested in them, someone that loves and cherishes them.  Anyone catch the disaster that went on at the day care center in I believe it was Mississippi (not sure) where the providers literally terrorized the babies (2-3 years old) in a scream mask.  None of our children need that. 

The "quick food" that we buy because we don't have time to prepare meals and insure quality nutrition is full of chemicals, and other questionable products and items. I literally read a label on some crackers that we'd bought the other day for an event that stated this item contains bio-engineered food products.  Excuse me?  Fairly positive God did a great job of creating the food we need.  I don't want bio-engineered food.  I want it God made.  Probably why obesity is at an all time high.  Bodies can't process that crap. 

And please let's not start talking about our medical system.  Our education system.  Oh Lord, these two are damaged.  So many good people are trying so hard to navigate and follow their hearts believing they are helping while being hindered by the very training and teaching they have received.  

We have been deprogrammed from being self-sufficient.  We have lost those skills that will save us if and when things are taken away from us (remember the past couple of years?). We rely on big businesses and give little thought to taking care of ourselves.  

Oh, sadly I do believe that we are on a collision course with some hard times.  I also believe that through the power of God, through reclaiming our own God given powers we will 100% not only survive it, but we will thrive. 

Like I said the other day, if you are still reading my blog, welcome.  I am tired of dancing in the middle.  I am tired of watching the destruction and sitting silent on the edges of it all.  I strongly encourage you to step out of that quasi comfortable space.  To reconnect with the world you are being encouraged to leave behind you.  Spend time talking to people about the old ways, I think there is a great deal of value to be found there... 

My back is rested, my head is cleared and it is time for me to start laying out that quilt.  I'd love to finish the main part today, before heading off for some family time.... 

love, prayers and peace...

Psstt.... God wins!

Doesn't it figure.  As soon as I make a decision, as soon as I set my intention to finally tuck things away, whatever was causing me to be blocked and unable to write, disappears.  For several days now my mind has been running rampant.  So much that wants to get out and be written down.  For me, to sort it all out, to clear my brain of the nonsense.  

So I am writing, but I will not be sharing it on Facebook.  If you find it, you were meant to find it.  It will remain as long as Google allows.  I will write when I need to clear my head of the thoughts and chaos that is swirling.  I'm enjoying not being on the book.  I don't know if I will return, maybe someday.  Who knows. 

This morning I am enjoying this day of beautiful sunshine and colors, almost as much as I enjoyed the non-stop rain that fell yesterday.  We desperately needed the kind of rain that fell, gentle, consistent and steady.  With just enough breaks in between for our overly parched earth to drink it up. 

I am heading to my sewing room as soon as I clear my head and heart.  I have projects to work on.  I have spent a bit of time in prayer already today, so I feel much more capable of engaging in life. I'm finding the more I pray the less I feel dragged into this horror show that we are living through.  I feel a sense of calm that I need, I linger on the outer edges and watch from afar.  God's words to be in this world, but not of it are the mantra that I have chosen to wave as my battle flag.  

For too long I have tried to dance in the midst of it all, trying to keep peace and make others feel comforted and strong.  I'm tired of that dance.  It was never mine to take on. If you know me well, you know I am rather eclectic in most things.  My choice of music, what I will watch or read, the activities that bring my soul joy... i don't really have a type.  Or at least I've never fit into the traditional patterns that I have spent my life trying to merge into. 

I've found myself throughout my life trying to be a chameleon. Always wanting to belong, but never quite fitting in.  My round peg simply never found the perfect spot.  So I adapted.  Over the course of the past few years, I've found myself less and less willing to adapt.  Never quite brave enough to be completely true to who I am, always afraid that I would offend someone or step on toes by thinking differently. 

Afraid to lose the people that I had changed me in order to be friends.  Our world has worked really hard at forcing people to pick sides, to divide and conquer, to damage the fibers of the mesh that makes us whole.  I fell for it all. 

As I am healing from that damage, and praying for all of us to heal, I am finding that I don't need those "friends", if they can't accept me for who I am, then I have no need to retain them in my life journey.  I am learning that it is okay to be oneself.  

I am a child of God, I believe deeply in God and Jesus, I am not however a religious person.  Because far too many churches and religions are man made, they have excluded God.  It took me a long time to identify what caused me to want to leave most churches that Hubs and I went to, to truly understand the discomfort I often felt while sitting in those pews.  

As a result I have explored many avenues trying to affirm in this world my feelings and thoughts. Trying to conform to man's world, when I didn't need to, I needed only to listen with my heart.  The answers have always been there.  I've always known that I could talk to God whenever and however I needed to, I didn't need a building or doctrine to tell me how.  It is why I find the peace I find while sitting in nature, in God's perfect "building".  Is why I feel closest in those moments.  Those moments are not touched by man. 

I feel strongly that we are living through a period of time that is biblical.  But not in a fluffy feel good kind of way.  More like the way of Jericho, the great exodus, the ark, Sodom and Gomorrah.  I also feel that we are each here for such a time as this.  We are this time's Esther. 

Esther 4:14

Amplified Bible, Classic Edition

14 For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance shall arise for the Jews from elsewhere, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion? 

Our world, not even just our country, state or city, but the entire world is hurting.  There is so much going on that is wrong on levels that are beyond compare.  It all feels like it is intentional to hurt and cause pain and ultimately submission. 

I kneel only to God, I am submissive only to God.  For most of my life, I worked hard on blending in on doing what was expected by man.  I silenced that inner voice that was trying so hard to get my attention and telling me to have faith. 

I have a horrible memory.  Downright full of holes, worse than baby Swiss cheese or a sea sponge.  There are times I can remember an event or occasion in great detail, but that is rare.  For someone that has such a horrid memory, I can remember things like my grandmother giving me a necklace that was a mustard seed inside a magnifying glass, and always telling me to simply have faith the size of that mustard seed, Matthew 17:20 for those of you that do not know the verse, and nothing will be impossible.  

I can remember my life feeling like a shambles and being at the point of giving it all up, knowing that on my own I absolutely could not move forward.  I remember clearly kneeling, in tears of frustration and doubt and praying to God.  Begging him to step in and guide me through, to take my life and use it as he saw fit.  That was in 2002.  The worst and best year of my life.  

I stopped trying to do it on my own.  At least for a long while, I stopped forcing my will and let his will be done.  Miracles happened.  I was in a marriage that had ended, I was very ill, I was facing life in a city I didn't belong in and full of uncertainty and fear.  In what felt like a moment in time I started living a life full of love, joy and happiness.  Married to the man that feels like my other half, someone that cherish's me as I cherish him.  There is no doubt, fear or anxiety. 

I remember so many things that are of God.  But things of man, nope.  They are not there. 

As I watch from the sidelines, I can clearly see things that are disturbing and beyond obvious.  I mourn for the people that cannot see past the programming forced on us.  The ones that are still and maybe always will live a life of fear. The ones that cannot or will not allow themselves to question all of the things before them that make absolutely zero sense.  But they follow along, out of fear. 

I have always felt that Satan wasn't real, I fell for the standard beliefs.  At least not in the doctrine sense.  Watching this world from the sidelines, I feel stronger than ever that Satan is alive and well and running this world of ours. When you step back, when you don't have a "horse in the race" so to speak, you realize that there are so many things happening, so much destruction, the fear and hatred are running rampant, the world is a hot mess.  And people are simply too wrapped up in survival mode to see it.  

I always joked that this world was hell and if we made it through, we were heaven bound.  Sadly, I feel it is something similar.  There is much in this world right now that is violent, obscene, against God, it is perverse and vile.  It's being dressed up to appear to be for our own good, until you strip away the dressing.  

Our children are being indoctrinated, they are being brain-washed. They are being poisoned when allowed to live.  Our food is toxic, many countries do not allow food from the US into their stores.  Look at a few labels.  Ask yourself why man made food is so much cheaper than God made food.  

Stop and ask yourself why women were removed from the home and put into the work force?  Especially when their primary purpose biblically is to take care of the family.  Raise the children up in the way of God.  Where was the benefit in women as a whole joining the workforce? A greater income? For what?  Ask yourself that question, seriously ask it! All the greater income did, was make prices go higher, so you needed more income.  It provided more taxes.  Money truly is the root of all evil. 

With the advent of both parents working, children became susceptible to whatever the schools wanted to teach them. Take a look at what is being taught.  Really look.  Step back and look!!  Even something as basic as math is no longer one plus one equals two.  I remember as clear as day the moment they brought "math their way" into our elementary school.  My son was in second grade, it was after the winter break.  And it completely started the snowball rolling down hill where parents are no longer able to fully help their child with their homework.  Because it makes absolutely zero sense.  

The damage done in the past two years has been accelerated, on a level that is unreal.  When the parents were removed from the home to work countless hours to provide more and more, the family started to break down.  Kids became the proverbial idol hands are the devils playground.  There is no one enforcing discipline, because they either aren't there or they are terrified of having their kids taken from them. 

I can't say I enjoyed the discipline that I received as a child, but I will state 100% that I would have never dreamed of doing or saying anything like what kids do today.  Have there always been children that are bull headed and difficult, yep.  Has it ever been the majority of them?  Nope.  Is it now... take a look, watch them.  

This week there was a shooting at a school that is around the corner from where I used to work.  I dealt with those kids on a daily basis.  Color me not surprised that there was a shooting, that lives were lost.  The media is doing two things.  Not covering it accurately and stirring the pot that the shooter died because he was black. 

Sorry, I am absolutely not interested in that.  The teacher that died was white, the school is predominately black and most of the kids go there because they have had issues with traditional schools, as is the case in most of the city. Those are some tough kids.  Life has not been kind to them, they have not been raised and they have not been educated or disciplined.  When they get into trouble, most of the time the parents response is what did you do to them that caused them to behave that way.  Sorry, nope.  What did you - as the parent, not do that caused that behavior. 

I'm heartbroken for all of them.  But it was a kettle that was brewing for far too long, it was going to happen eventually, and frankly I feel it was being pushed to happen. It's that way all around this country. The reality is the colors of the individuals don't matter.  They could have been purple, orange, green... it doesn't freaking matter!!  What matters is that a young man felt the world hopeless enough without anyone to turn to for advice and guidance and took a gun to his former school intent on killing someone.  He killed a young woman and a teacher that was defending her students. Before being shot by the security (read secondary cops) detail assigned to the school, he later died at the hospital as a result of his actions. 

Stop turning everything into a racial issue.  Stop turning everything into something that is isn't.  Ask yourself why a school needs to have armed security at all times.  Ask yourself how big that school is, hint not huge, and why they needed at least 7 armed security on staff.  That alone should give you a greater clue as to what is going on.  That alone should open your eyes that the real problems are of the soul and not of the skin. 

I am angry.  I'm tired of watching what is happening in our homes, schools, neighborhoods all for the sake of destroying the human race.  We are humans, we are made in God's very image.  God didn't separate us, he wants us whole and together in peace.  Evil people, with money and power as their driving force are the ones doing this.  

If you take the time to open your eyes, you will be amazed at what you actually see.  If you remove the programming, if you look at it all.... Take off your blinders.  Bow your head in prayer.  Read your Bible - and try to find a non-super edited version - an old one. Everything is being manipulated, the goal is the same as it was back in the pharaohs day - free labor to enrich the self appointed leaders of this world.  They will destroy as many humans as they need to reach their goals.  We do not matter to them. 

We matter to God, we are his children.  And just like any good parent, he has had to let us grow, he has had to let us learn our lessons. No matter how hard it is. 

The seasons are changing.  If you found this, maybe you were meant to.  I felt powerfully moved to write it, my heart has been super heavy with it for a few days now.  I am accepting that I am a round peg for a reason, I am no longer trying to change who I am for anyone else's comfort.  God made me the way he wanted and needed me to be. 

I have faith that God is in control and that when we chose to be in this world, but not of it as he's asked we will be able to weather any storms Satan and his minions have for us.  Step back, walk away for a while, pray... God has this.... 

love, prayer and peace...

It's time...

I haven't been around.  This isn't to say I'm back.  Because I'm not.  In fact I guess this is sort of to put a bow on where I am at the present. I haven't felt like sharing or being an open book. In fact, I am definitely moving backwards, but in a very good way. 

My daughter often shuts down her social media, she puts up walls that preserve her privacy and goes about living her life.  I don't know if I truly grasped the value in that until recently.  For the first time since my boy encouraged me to open a Facebook account, I have abandoned mine.  I currently still have it as I make some decisions around it.  But I have stopped opening it.  I have removed the ever present tab on all of my computers and electronic devices.  I am still using my messenger as I communicate with my family and closest friends that way.  I'm dreadfully slow at text messages and prefer the ease of just typing a message in, but I am evaluating that also. 

I am working on creating deep relationships, the kind we used to have back before social media. Back before we lived our lives on blast.  I am also working on creating a greater sense of silence and depth in my world. I am finding more time for conversations around meals that linger for hours.  I am finding less of a desire to even know where my phone and computer are located unless I actually need them. 

I'm finding that walking away from social media is giving me the gift of more time to do things that bring value and importance to my life.  I've been crazy busy, but in a far different and more intentional way. I'm enjoying it. 

This morning as the puppies woke me up from the main floor crying because they couldn't get to me, I wandered down to get them and then tried to go back to sleep.  Out of habit I grabbed my phone, I find things to read as I drift back to sleep.  I used to read books for hours on end, lost in the depths of the stories.  I struggle with that now, not because I don't still love to read, to learn, to explore ideas and thoughts, I do.  I am finding that my patience is shorter, that my attention span has been greatly shortened after years of reading social media.  

I'm trying very hard to turn that around. Unless I need my computers to research something, find a pattern or recipe that are not present in my personal collections I am trying to break my dependence on electronics. I was feeling controlled.  I still am.  I am finding that my own self-imposed restriction has cleared my mind, has allowed me more creative freedoms and a stronger desire to do things.  

This morning my phone had an alert that I had maxed out my storage and it would be running slower.  In the early morning silence I started to clear it out.  I'm not finished, my eyes are blurry.  I realized I had become a photo that resonates in my heart.  

Look at the  crowd, all of them looking at it through their phones as they record it, to save it for memories sake.  I don't want to be the nameless faces, I don't want to be those people observing and living life trying to save it for later.  I want to be that wrinkled older woman, deeply engrossed in the moment.  

This is my last blog for awhile, maybe for good.  I don't know.  What I do know is that I am far too busy living a life that I want to remember.  Chasing dreams and enjoying all of the moments with my sweet Hubs, my puppies, family and friends.  I can still be found, I can still be reached.  

I've spent a lot of time in prayer.  I've spent a lot of time reading the God's words.  Listening to things that have made me feel stronger in my convictions to live a life worth remembering.  

Thanks for being on this journey with me, I might be back... I simply don't know...  If you want to be a part of my world, you are very much welcomed. I'm simply done with living a vicarious life with everyone and everything. I want real, raw, full of emotions and experiences. Meet me in the gardens, on walks, creating or cooking.  Invite me to be part of your real life experience.... but at least for the foreseeable future, don't look for me virtually, I'm not there. 

love and prayers my friends... 

stopping by...

Well, I guess it's been a moment since I've stopped long enough to write.  Been a bit busy lately.  Finishing up with my personal harvest, putting up the produce that I picked up at the Amish market and working on various projects around the house.  I've also been spending some quality time with friends and family.  Busy living life. 

I can't believe how cold it's gotten at night already.  Seems like it was only in the cozy temps for a couple of weeks.  We actually had a frost warning.  I'm not ready, I love fall, it's my favorite season.  Yet it fills me with sadness as my garden fades for the winter. I will miss going outside to harvest fresh veggies as I am cooking.  Although I have zero plans to start buying things that have been processed in a factory.  Now is definitely the beginning of cantry season.  

I have a bit more to put up, but luckily all of it is stable and doesn't mean I have to rush, which is good.  I have some sewing projects to work on and get done this week.  Hubs and I are considering getting another camping trip in this weekend and I haven't finished our bed quilt yet.  I need to get on that and two other smaller projects so that I can focus on a bigger project next week. As the garden fades and there are fewer harvests I will spend more time in my sewing room.  Already making my list. 

Pumpkin butter anyone?

I'm working on keeping myself very busy.  I'm avoiding the news, television and social media for a large part.  So if you are looking for me online, I'm probably not there.  I'm worn out from the insanity going on.  I'm worn out from witnessing all that is going on and the sheer number of people that are only focusing on what they are learning on television and are oblivious to the chaos that is swirling around us.  

I check in on updates and information a few times a day.  I mean you have leaders of countries casually throwing around terms like nuclear war and refusal of peace talks.  Those things tend to make my skin crawl a bit.  I would love to believe that those are bridges no sane person would cross, but I am finding sanity to be a very rare commodity lately.  I was a touch concerned this morning to find a tweet in my feed reminding all parents that their son's must register for selective service, regardless of being an only son or last in the family bloodline.  I mean seriously, that is not a great omen for a Monday morning.  

There is far too much going on that is of a threatening nature.  I guess I could live in fear and anxiety.  I'm choosing to live in prayer instead.  God has everything under control, in prayer there is calmness.  I'm still human and I want to know what is going on around me, I'm simply not afraid of it.  

Over the weekend Hubs and I watched the Ye West interview, we were curious.  I have never given him much thought or paid much mind to his antics.  I'm not much of a media person.  So for me to "waste" two hours of time felt like a pretty strong sacrifice.  I'm glad I did.  So much of what he had to say was far different from what I expected.  It was intriguing.  To me, the most powerful part of it all was when he stated, I am here for such a time as this. 

What?  I can't remember much else he said, I was stunned by that line.  I just finished telling you that I am feeling bombarded by that line lately.  By the Bible quote and the meaning.  I've been doing research into it.  I am feeling that many of us, if not all of us, are here specifically for this time in our story.  I am not done exploring and listening to this story, not by a long shot.  Queen Esther resonates within me, the story of good in the face of adversity is very powerful. 

I don't know about any of you, but I feel like life is moving at a very accelerated pace. Days are blending together, to the point that I can't keep much straight.  I know things have happened, but the timelines feel blurry and surreal. I know they say time moves faster as you get older, but I don't truly feel older.  

I don't know how frequently I will be writing.  There is simply too much swirling in my mind lately.  When I have moments I could write, there don't seem to be words.  I question sharing the thoughts and ideas in my mind, because of the state this world is in.  I was stunned last week to receive an email from PayPal telling me that they were going to charge $2500 for things you wrote or shared on social media that was "disinformation".  

To watch it blow up on social media this weekend and then watch PayPal retract it as if it were accidental and shouldn't have been released.  I don't want to say I found it humorous, as it was anything but funny.  What I found interesting is I had received that email early in the week, Hubs and I had already made the decision to walk away from them as a company, those kind of things do not align with my values.  Yet, it was everywhere this weekend.  

I'm questioning where things are going, I'm pondering so much, I'm pulling back.  I need to. I need to go back in time.  Because where we are headed as a human race is not somewhere that I can go.  This old fashioned girl is really okay with a different future that we seem to be heading towards.  

So... I'm gonna be hit or miss.  I have things to do, a life to live, a family and friends to connect with on a deeper level, a different level.  I don't want to be a part of all of this, I want to lose myself in prayer and connection with God's word.  I'm tired of all of the "political correctness", the manipulation, the lemming factor, I don't wish to be a part of it. 

This puppy mama is going to be living life with her puppy loves and Hubs, enjoying all of the gifts our good Lord gave to us.

love and prayers... 

the changes...

The chill in the air is pretty obvious this morning.  It's hard to believe right now that the temperature is supposed to increase a full 40° in the next few hours. The puppies and I are enjoying the fire that Hubs built for us before heading down to his early meeting.  I definitely have work to do, but this fire is beckoning and warming my toes and my soul.  

Last night we were sitting in the garden watching the sun set and the moon rise.  It was absolutely magical, as it always is this time of the year.  The leaves are changing, the evening air is often the perfect temperature and we enjoy being out there.  Dinner gets served out there, Hubs jazz music is just the right volume and we are able to relax.  As soon as we started smelling the fireplaces burning, Hubs built a small fire in our solo stove.  Perfection. We lounged around, chatting and watching the fire turn to embers until both of us were struggling to keep our eyes open and the air turned far too cool for comfort. 

Anyone else finding themselves searching for the things that bring comfort?  Lingering a bit longer in those things?  Seems it's becoming a habit with me.  A bit longer by the fire, sitting with family and friends, extra snuggles with Pups and moments of peace and quiet.  When I get involved in a project, I am not in a hurry, finding myself savoring each moment that I am involved in it's creation.  

I could have my sweater done by now, if I rushed.  My heart is finding peace in the steps, so I am not rushing through it.  I will start the final sleeve at some point today.  As I am finishing up the garden, I am being careful to harvest everything at the last possible moment.  I am drying the seeds carefully to use to start next years garden. 

I just feel a deep need to slow down. Nothing needs to be rushed, it needs to be enjoyed.  I don't know how to describe it.  I'm no longer turning on noise, just for the sake of noise, I'm behind on every program that I listen to and I am comfortably okay with it.  

Sitting out under the stars last night, basically in silence with Hubs was so therapeutic.  The world feels super charged to me right now. Full of so many different kinds of energy.  Emotions are running rampant, good, bad, beautiful and ugly all at the same time. 

I know it is a time of several Jewish holidays, but I am not overly familiar with them.  I just feel that the world is asking us to slow down, to cherish the moments, to enjoy the simpler things.  To be corny, to step out of the illusionary world that we've been in and re-immerse ourselves in the perfection of the real world.  Of God's world.  Maybe the garden of Eden isn't as long forgotten as we have been lead to believe.  Maybe God has surrounded us with it, we just need to open our eyes and heart?  I definitely don't know, I just feel more and more drawn to the slowness, the simple, the calm.  

I don't truly know how to describe it.  I am simply okay with living it. 

I've been a bit stung lately by how demanding Hubs' job can be of his time.  I understand it, but I definitely build up to a revolt stage at points.  I think that is where I have been lately.  He's in a very busy time, he has a lot of new folks, big projects, just stuff.  He's in a state of almost over-drive, it's definitely clashing with my need to slow things down, as you can imagine. 

I used to live that life, on steroids, so I completely understand, I also know that I can sometimes be a selfish brat and not want to share.  I was telling him that yesterday morning, jealous of the demands of his job that prevented him from lingering by a fire with me.  Upset at nonsense.  I'd been up for hours, so had he, but it was dark in the man-cave so I assumed he'd fallen back to sleep down there. I cleaned the upstairs completely, finishing the ironing, dusting and scrubbing bathrooms, even showering before coming back to the main floor.  He still was down in the darkness, and being worried he'd be late for work I went down to wake him. 

I was crushed to find him sitting at his desk playing solitaire with his earbuds in.  All I could feel was the wasted two hours.  It lead to a rough day, probably for both of us.  Last night as went to put my phone on charge, the upset of the morning completely wiped away by the wonder of the entire 5 hours of uninterrupted Hubs time, I found a card sitting there.  My dear Hubs is the king of cards, I am not, it was probably the sweetest most profound one he's given me in forever.  

Here's the thing, anyone familiar with the story "The gift of the Magi"? A story of a woman and man each giving up something precious to them for the other one, while both of them had given it up to give each other a gift for that very precious thing?  The woman gave up her long beautiful hair, the man gave up his treasured pocket watch.  It was given away in pure love. 

His long hours provide me the opportunity to live a life that brings me extreme joy and happiness.  In turn, he get's his 50's housewife as he is fond of saying.  It was the perfect balm to my tender feelings.  I was heard and given the grace to have my feelings and he was able to be the awesome provider that he is.  

I was confusing his intensity with work right now, for a lack of happiness at home.  Both of us were very mixed up.  He wasn't avoiding time with me, he was hoping he was being very quiet and allowing me to sleep in.  If I had climbed the stairs and not assumed that he was sleeping, we could have enjoyed the time together.

Lesson learned.  

Yesterday was full of things that twisted my feelings.  Spending time chatting online with my boy, while precious and an absolute treasure only drove home the fact that due to his need to be with the other side of his family, they had a death, that another year will pass until I get to physically see him again.  I get it, I understand it... I simply miss him. I'm not such a fan of my kiddo's growing up.  I miss them being home, I miss them in general.  I get they grow up, they grow away, even as I know that they pop up when time allows.  I am thankful to know they are happy and living their best lives, but I definitely miss them. 

All the derailments emotionally lately have been wearing me down, yesterday, I felt like things clicked back into place.  I'm still wishing for more time with those I cherish, but I am back into a different mindset, for which I am thankful.  I actually feel a bit of motivation to get back to the things that bring me joy. 

I don't know if the world is begging for us to slow and focus or if that is my own wishful heart.  I hope it is, I pray that we are moving back to a time when we loved one another, simply for being.  I would love for the world to slow down.  I long for it. 

Well... my little boy is letting me know that he wants mommy time.  He will probably never figure out that 70 lbs is not lap puppy size.  He's laying on the floor whining and talking, letting me know he isn't happy that he isn't in my lap.  So I guess it's time to give him some lap time and enjoy the last of the fire before starting the day. 

love and prayers... 

for such a time as this...

Well, today is definitely not going to go as I had planned.  I have an entire bushel of apples to put away for the coming cold season not to mention all the other things I want to get put away.  I am fairly certain the jalapeno's will be processed and probably a few jars of jalapeno jelly.  The rest will wait until tomorrow.  Hubs and I tackled cleaning out some storage spaces yesterday and my brilliant self didn't bother to put on shoes (I rarely do) and stood, walked and bent on a cold concrete floor for about 5 hours.  Today, I am paying for my brilliance. 

That doesn't mean I haven't been busy, I have.  Just a different busy.  I prepped the vanilla I gave to my friends and started a new jar.  I gathered all of my oregano to allow me to make oregano oil, my farmacy needed that added to it, we are sneaking up on cold and flu season (it never went away, but definitely sneaks in hard during the colder months). 

I am learning so much about natural cures and the uses of herbs and plants to improve ones health.  I still need to get hold of some mullein seeds, but I can't plant them until spring, so I am not overly concerned about sourcing them right now.  Yesterday I started my garlic and olive oil, it will need at least a month or so before it will be of value to us.  I figured I'd better get at least a small jar started.  I need to find a good local source for raw honey before I make a huge batch, the only honey I had was from the Amish market and that was definitely not within our 50 mile radius to provide the most benefit. I'd love to have my own bees, but my allergy is a definite deterrent.  That and Belle would kill them all. 

I will work on other projects today, the sweet potatoes, squash, and apples can all wait for a few days.  I really need to exercise more common sense, I just get in a mode that I am going to tackle a project and go for it.  Not always a wise choice on my part, but I do get so much accomplished when I am motivated to do it. 

Last night while regretting my earlier life choices of the day, I spent time scrolling through different social media outlets, reading and resting my weary body.  A song I love kept flashing in bits and pieces through my mind, my husband calls it an ear worm.  "For such a time as this".  I know I have spoken of it before, it really speaks my my heart and soul.  It's so powerful for me.  While scrolling last night I found the verse Esther 4:14 on each platform in some form or another. 

The question posed that really hit me hard was "what if you truly were born for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14. I immediately had to read the entire verse.  The connections were too strong, I felt as though I was personally being given my directions. Whenever I become stressed or feel lost it seems like it pops into my mind.  As I said, the song has been super powerful for me for as far back as I can remember.  I'd never heard it referred to as Esther's song until today when I looked it up to finally listen to it, to complete the circle in my head.  Again... it feels like I need to dive deeper into this book.  

I tend to live my life in what many would deem an odd manner.  When I feel led to do something, I do it, I rarely ignore the feelings and truthfully, when I do, I usually end up regretting that decision.  As I was saying my morning prayers and focusing on hearing that inner voice there was a powerful draw to write this morning and to also start focusing on what is important to me.  

I've never really felt like I belong in this time, I have always been that person that is forever out of time.  I will never be modern, hip or cool.  For all I know those terms are not even modern any longer.  I walk to a different beat, I am lost in a time that most have forgotten or left in their dust.  I struggled hard with that when I was younger, I so wanted to be part of the "in crowd", it was lonely where I was.  I just never managed to pull it off. 

Here I am now, well into (okay rapidly leaving) my fifties and I finally feel like I am in the right place at the right time.  I can't explain it, I don't understand it.  It just is. 

This morning, I gathered my oregano leaves and prepared them to make my oil of oregano.  As I stood there picking those incredibly tiny leaves I was simply filled with peace.  I no longer care if people accept me for who I am, the ones that do are part of my tribe, the ones that don't... well sorry, they don't matter. 

I live in a bubble that is different, but the fact that it is different doesn't make it bad.  I was listening to a podcast from someone I used to value greatly, but I am finding myself pushing back against what he says to a degree that makes it difficult to listen to him. He is a homesteader, I love listening to different homesteaders they are more like my tribe than most others.  

He's definitely shifted to prepper, I am not a prepper, I am someone that is taking care of my family in a very old fashioned way.  A way that resonates in my soul.  Today he was talking about what would you do if someone came to your home that hadn't helped with anything, didn't plan to help with anything, but wanted food and shelter.  He said he would turn them away.  My very being pushed back against that. 

I don't know what is going to happen in our world, but I am fairly certain that things are going to get darker and harder.  I also know that there are many in this time that lack a great many skills and even the work ethic to survive without all of our modern conveniences.  I personally feel it has been uneducated out of us.  

I know quite a few that will wallow in pity, not being able to find their way forward.  I know many people that will struggle with any kind of hardships, sadly I don't know that all of them would survive anything truly traumatic.  I know that I will do my level best to teach, help and give to any and all that need my help.  Would I be frustrated?  Heck yeah.  But the truth is those very types of people frustrate me now.  We all know at least a few that put forth the minimum effort knowing that someone is going to pull them out of their own muck and mire.  

Sadly, I don't believe I will be listening to that content creator again, he has great things homestead related, but I felt ugly listening to him.  I felt a hardness that isn't mine.  I don't know what I am here for, do any of us?  But I know it isn't to be hard and unloving. 

Well, I am sure I've gone down a rather strange rabbit hole for some today.  I will never stop living my true self (it took me too long to finally be strong enough to do so) and that path isn't straight and it always has loops and u-turns.  Yet each day, I feel far more comfortable in knowing that I am here for such a time as this.  Time to get lost in Esther's story, time to learn what I am meant to know.  

love and prayers...

the calming...

The first fire of the season is warming my toes, the crackling is so soothing to my spirit and soul.  Perfect way to spend this cold autumn Sunday morning.  Hubs offered to make me one outside, I wimped out, 40° is just too cold for an enjoyable bonfire.  Thank goodness for my fireplace.  

I haven't really been in a good spot for writing lately.  There is so much going on in the world that I've adopted more of a non-participatory stance.  Observing and watching quietly from my small corner of life. I've been busy with all of the things that are important to us. 

This morning, I'm enjoying the fire before I get busy for the day.  Autumn is definitely here and I have been a bit lazy.  It's time to put up more soups, I picked up some beautiful butternut squash the other day at the market, some of them are destined to become soup.  Some will be roasted and other's will simply be cubed and canned to roast at a later date.  I also have an entire bushel of apples to tackle.  Hubs was doing a darn good job of wiping out my applesauce stash.  When things are in season you make the most of it. 

As it warms today, I am going to harvest what is left of the green beans, okra, tomatoes and peppers, those will all find their way into soups.  It's getting really cool at night already, the forecast is dipping into the mid-thirties at night, before long we will have frost.  I'd hate to waste any of my hard work.  

I'm considering trying to over winter a few of my pepper plants.  I've seen several great video's and articles on how to do it.  They all did so well this year that I would definitely like to give it a try. Just not sure where I will let them hang out.  I might see if Hubs has any window space left in the man cave.  If it works it would be a complete game changer in terms of how long I have to wait each year for them to finally bud and produce fruit.  Who knows maybe someday I will give in and build a greenhouse. 

I'm fairly sure between soups simmering on the stove, the soft cinnamon and apple smells and the fireplace, our house if going to be filled with the smells that simply provide comfort and a sense of calm. 

This truly is my favorite season of the year.  I like all of them to varying degrees, but this one, while being the ending of the cycle before the winter rest always feels like a beginning to me. Maybe I associate it with the start of the school year, making it a beginning, I'm not sure. For as long as I can remember it has felt like the shift.  The start as opposed to the final act. 

I find myself having more energy for doing more things, I want to spend hours outside absorbing the beauty that surrounds me, cherishing the moments.  The pups seem to agree with me, as they are always up for an adventure.  And will gladly spend time frolicking anywhere we take them.  I keep finding new parks that we haven't explored yet, so they can have new scents and experiences. 

I also find myself wanting to work on my home, insuring that we have everything we need before the winter months approach.  That must be something in the DNA, maybe I am a bit of a pioneer girl at heart, I'm fairly positive that I will never fit into this crazy modern world of ours. And I'm finally comfortable with it.  I have finally reached the point that I have quit trying to fit in.  Love me or leave me, I am simply going to always be a very old fashioned woman. And I'm truly okay with it. 

In fact I'm thriving in it. I never wanted a career, I was always drawn to taking care of my family and home.  Unfortunately our modern world prevented it for a very long time.  I am often saddened that I missed so much time with my kids, that I role modeled the wrong values.  But... they are both successful people in ways that make them happy, so I can't have been too terrible of a role model.  Now I am happy being a stay at home dog mom, doing the things that make a home for my Hubs and I.  I am finally okay with it, I am finally in a good space.  

Well, the fire is starting to die down, the sky is starting to lighten and the promise of a new day is at hand.  Hubs should be wrapping up the work projects that he has spent the morning engrossed in and will soon be wanting breakfast.  Yep... time to start the day... 

love and prayers...