life's a journey...

Holy COW!  Has it really been almost six weeks since I've sat still in the morning, savored my coffee and done a serious brain dump?  Don't know if you've figured it out yet or not, but that is truly what this blog is about.  It helps me face life, deal with challenges, emotions, think things through, find my own compass.  The past six weeks almost seven weeks have been crazy intense, many things that I love have been sitting dormant, waiting for me to return to me.

I think I am getting there.  I couldn't sleep for almost two straight nights, the cicadas have been roaring, the song of their people is wearing on my nerves.  I am also not a fan of the Midwest heat.  Which if you have followed me for any length of time you already know.  So when the thermostat on my car dash tells me that even though my sweet little air conditioners is keeping me comfy at 70 degrees the air outside is a blistering 103, my mood sinks a bit. And... it's summer.

During the summer I rarely see my girls.  My daughter is a traveling fool in the summer.  Normally it is only a bit sad, this year with my newest grand baby changing almost daily, I am at least thankful she is an avid poster on Facebook. I feel like I am missing out on so much. Fall will arrive and life will slow down for her again.

I haven't had a chance to see my son for over a year.  Again, this is terribly sad for me.  I am "that" mom.  I never fully developed a me that didn't involve that in my "job description".  Who knows, maybe it is delayed empty nest syndrome.  Whatever it was it sure was causing me the blues this past week.

Yesterday, I felt an overwhelming sense of loss.  If I hadn't had so much to tackle, I am fairly sure I would have called in needing a mental health day.  Luckily, I needed to be busy. As I got into my car feeling pretty darn weepy and depressed I thought about calling a few folks, Bluetooth is an amazing invention for those of us with more to accomplish in a day than hours permit. I thought about doing a million things.  Instead I turned up the music for my 40 minute commute.  Hubs has been buying me a collection of new CD's lately, yep some of us still use CD's. Yesterday it was Sheryl Crow's newest.  

Initially I hadn't wanted to listen to it.  Frankly, I tend to shy away from artists that get too political, on either side of the spectrum.  Mainly because I will gladly read your comments, listen to you, speak with you etc, but I am not going to pay you for them. Just a personal quirk, and I'd already read some strong words regarding this album from her.

Luckily, I seriously enjoy her music and this was no exception.  Driving in I listened, rather loudly, to the words, the thoughts, the melodies.  So much of it spoke to me.  To where I am now in my own life, to my own quandaries and struggles. It soothed and uplifted me.

I needed that 40 minutes.

I've been doing a lot of reading in the few moments I've had to myself lately.  I've juggled a lot of minor struggles and some major ones.  I've closed a Y and opened a new one.  I have said goodbye to long time co-workers and welcomed new ones.  I have been working more hours than I thought were humanly possible, on relatively limited sleep and an even worse diet. I'd forsaken working out and I wasn't doing really good with  remembering to drink water.  I was neglecting my Hubs, my kiddo's, and my dogs.  Mostly, I was in survival mode.  My boss keeps calling it a marathon.  It sure felt like a six week sprint, but I totally understand what he was saying.

Three weekends ago I finally took some time off, four glorious days.  My boss insisted that I not answer emails, the phone, text messages, etc unless direly important.  I am thinking he could see the cracks that were forming around the edges. My core staff and I were all starting to get a bit crackly and crabby.  The strain was showing.  I am thankful for a leader that forced me to refocus.

It's been a slow process coming back from that.  It feels almost like weaning yourself from a bad habit. June was the crazy marathon.  July has been about refocusing, about making those changes that need to happen.

Slowly Hubs and I have started to live a normal life again.  I've started to cook, almost thought I forgot how, we are both back on track to continue our healthy lives.  Not the average new American lifestyle. Breakfast is in our kitchen, lunches are usually packed (although today we have the opportunity to have lunch together and a salad from Taze' is definitely going to hit the spot), dinner is being cooked together - eaten together at our dining room table.  Minus a few dozen of our new friends that we find at each restaurant.

Last night was the first time we've worked out together again.  I have been participating in classes at my new Y.  I not only want to support my staff team, I also what to be able to speak intelligently to what each class offers. I rarely go to another Y, habit I guess. As I no longer have a pool, it became a necessity.

Hubs has had learning the proper way to swim on his bucket list forever.  And we bought ourselves a season pass to our local outdoor pool as a gift this year.  I love to swim outside, inside - not so much. And he mentioned again how much he'd love to learn to really swim, to glide through the water as smoothly as one of my B's does.  Well, duh, we work for the Y!  Swim lessons are a pretty common occurrence and the new classes were just getting ready to start.

He asked me to come and swim while he took lessons. Don't forget I've run a pool, so I am very familiar with protocol during class times, and after checking with the guard and an instructor I found out that this pool doesn't allow open swim during class times.  I was feeling a bit bummed until I found out there was a deep water aerobics class at the same time.  Problem solved.

Today, I might be regretting that decision a bit following an intense workout on the QueenAx with one of my newest instructors. My arms are feeling a bit like jelly and I am hoping that the class I agreed to take at 4:45 pm today is going to focus more on the legs - they still have some life left in them.

I keep hearing Sheryl's songs in my head.  Several are focusing on finding yourself.  One in particular with an ironic title of "Roller Skate", feels like it could be my anthem. "I want some attention, I want to put you center stage, I don't want competition, so put your phone away." Sound familiar?  I feel like that mantra has been rattling around in my head.  I am working on being more present.

... she states ironically as her phone goes off with another person calling off and needing to change her plans to go to work...

Take some time for you... gotta run...

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