14 years down...

When you are that person... the one who never remembers until the last minute.  The one that cannot remember the day of the week or how to plan ahead, it is highly stressful being married to someone that is not.

Hubs and I are celebrating our 14th anniversary today.  I would love to be spending a leisurely day with him, doing things we want to do.  But life doesn't always cooperate.

I woke up shortly before my alarm went off after a very fitful night sleep, I'm afraid to see what my fit-bit recorded, to the light being turned on and being handed my glasses.  Mr. Wonderful had again found the perfect time to go card shopping, because for him that is seriously a thing, and had made a special trip at some point while I was working no doubt to buy my gift and he couldn't wait a minute longer to give me either!

Me on the other hand... I think the last thing I pre-planned was our wedding.  Or possibly the trip to Germany 5 years ago.  I have long since lost the skill that is required for such punctuality. I was always terrible with cards and mailing gifts.  But now, I am so wrapped up in survival mode that I seem to forget the most important things!

In all fairness, his gift is coming.  It's still in New Mexico most likely, but it is coming!  And he is going to love it!

As I was preparing my Facebook post for him this morning, I realized that he's been challenging me to step outside of the very tight box that I have spent most of my life living in since day one!

I mean seriously?  I got married to this adventurous loving man on horseback! And the closest I'd ever come to riding a horse was feeding them at the fairs and in the fields.  They terrify me.  They are huge and definitely have a mind of their own.  Back then, my health was still really a hot mess and the tremors hadn't yet stopped, much less having an ability to speak correctly.  Yet, I climbed on back of that beautiful beast and trusted.

I've been doing a lot of trusting since I married Hubs.  Even before. If you had told me 15 years ago that I would one day strap on a helmet, sometimes without, and get on the back of a motorcycle for a days ride, I would have assured you that you were beyond insane!  And I do mean BEYOND! And yet, I will take any opportunity to go riding with Hubs.  I will drink my wine and let the wind blow past me in wild abandon and never hesitate.

He's coaxed me up to the top of a mountain in a gondola and down a zip line in the dark (I believe that I have mentioned that I am absolutely terrified of heights - correct?), but I assure you he will never convince me to jump out of a plane.  That is one step past crazy and into insanity with no hope of return.

When it comes to myself, I am not a risk taker.  I tend to walk the straight and narrow.  I am more of a fearful person.  Always needing to follow the rules.  Never able to let go.

He's taught me that it's okay to take a chance, a risk, to spread your wings and fly like an eagle. He's been my fountain of courage, strength and love.  From the day I told him I would never trust another man, nor would I ever get married again.  It simply wasn't happening.  

Sure we fuss at each other.  We have moments that we absolutely question (usually only for a few hours at the most) what in the world we were thinking.  And then we talk it out, sometimes via text, because its such a raw, deep and passionate emotion that we can't trust face to face words.   But we always end up back where we started.  Two halves of our whole!

I was married before, I struggled to imagine a future after our children were grown.  Now, I jealously guard each moment.  We day dream about retirement, trips, the next decades... I fear one reason that I struggle with his continual announcements that he'd like to retire is because I don't want to face the fact that my sweetie is older than me, that eventually, I will walk this walk alone.

I need that next 20 or so years... and I fully intend to have it!

I am blessed.  God sent me the perfect person to love for the rest of my days.  I look back on all the days and nights I spent praying and trusting God to do his will.  As I struggled to survive what I thought were the darkest days of my life.  I trusted and walked away as a person.  Between God and Hubs...

Pure Love....

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