Saturday, May 6, 2017
Still doesn't feel like enough to get me motivated to do anything. I want to get a walk in. I do. But my headache from yesterday is still lingering and the cold breeze is not inspiring me to slough off the exhaustion this week has brought with it.
I haven't been sleeping well. Correction, I've been sleeping fantastic until something makes me wake up and once awake all of those to do lists start popping up in my head. Home ones, work ones, personal ones... they come flying in, robbing me of sleep.
I feel like I am stealing a few moments of time. I guess I truly am. I should be folding laundry, doing more laundry, changing sheets, catching up on the ironing, dusting (I'm am thinking of labeling all surfaces a science project with a do not disturb the dust signage), finishing pulling that darn English Ivy and putting out my beauty bark, moping floors, vacuuming (haven't seen that thing in weeks)... that list currently feels as overwhelming as the one for work.
I'm not complaining. I'm sorting through. I love my job. I am so excited about all of the great things that we are doing, the changes, the energy.
I am just feeling a tad caught up in the maelstrom. So many moving parts in all areas of my life. It's swirling around me. Golf, move, closure, opening, advocacy, staffing, coordinating, new rates, schedules, lists, lists and more lists.
Is it truly possible to be excited and anxious at the same time? Where does one end and one begin?
So I'm stealing a few minutes. Not many. Just enough to enjoy the silence while Hubs and daughter are off on a mission that possibly involves a canoe? Don't ask. I've learned it's better that way.
There is no music playing, the house is silent except for the sound of the fountain in the aquarium. The boys are both snoozing and I am pretty sure the cat has once again returned to the upper level (I believe she has claimed it as her own).
In the silence, with the beautiful shadows from the breeze and leaves in the sunlight dancing on the hardwood floors, I am feeling calm.
More in control.
Control is something I have not been feeling a lot of lately.
I missed two of my workouts this past week. Life, rain, and a headache all decided they were more important. It's hard to believe that not a week ago I was standing out in the rain helping to bag sand. Putting other problems and responsibilities on the back burner to help not only the community I live in, but a fellow leader in the Y movement.
Standing in the rain, covered in sand with my fellow Y family, my family and complete strangers I remembered what I missed so much about having time to volunteer. That powerful feeling of doing for others is amazing.
As Valley Park posted pictures of where we had worked so hard for so many hours, with flood waters dancing around the makeshift levees I felt a sense of pride for the efforts and immediate sense of defeat. It looked from the pictures like it had been a wasted effort.
Slowly I started reading the comments, in fear, I didn't want to see what they said. I didn't want to know all that was lost. But in my usual Polly Anna manner, I was hopeful that I would see a silver lining somewhere, some how.
Seems that old adage, it's all a matter of perspective, is very true. The pictures were taken from a drone hovering overhead. The reality is that our efforts did make a difference. The homes might have taken a bit of water, but nothing tragic. The county police department stayed dry. Homes and businesses were not destroyed. We didn't save them all. Many have a lot of work to do to recover. But we helped save some.
The Mobil station that we all kept running to for bio breaks and hot coffee appeared to have lost it's battle, but no sandbagging could have protected it.
In the midst of all that chaos, we made a difference.
I'm feeling the same way about the sunrise that is blinding me this morning. I was so thankful for the rain to stop yesterday. I love rain, but sometimes you can simply have too much of a good thing.
One storm handled, calm restored. That is where I am right now. Tackling one storm at a time and hoping I don't miss anything along the way.
Those endless lists will keep me focused. I have all my B's, the Hubs and my girl keeping me grounded and sane. I even started planning this coming weeks workouts. And tomorrow I will prep all the meals for the week.
It's all in the planning. I guess it's time to fill my own sand bags. It's time to rally my support system.