Monday, March 20, 2017

growth...

Watching the sun creep over the horizon on this beautiful morning, I needed a minute to slow down.

I have to work late tonight, but I am heading in early.  Too much to get done.  Then I sat down.  The sight of the sunrise and my steaming hot coffee beckoned, pleaded.  I had to listen.

It's been a crazy few months.  The clock is spinning out of control it seems and here we are celebrating the first day of spring. What?  It seems like the last time that I took a deep breath it was almost Christmas.  How on earth did this happen?

I have simply got to find a better work/life balance.  Hubs and I both do.  We haven't had time for a walk in... dang, I do not even know. I don't remember the last one.  I packed a bag for work today, I will be there for about 11 hours, I think somewhere in there I can find time to put on play clothes and go for a walk.

Hubs and I have been struggling to find time to just be.  I haven't been in my sewing room in months!  Even though I have two quilts to get made.  I have taxes to do and laundry happens in spurts with me ironing each morning to keep up.

Saturday was an eye opener for me.  It was already going to be a LONG work day and I was okay with it. But due to some miscommunication - mostly on my part. Hubs showed up with a fantastic lunch just moments after I let my desk person go on her 30 minute break.  In the grand scheme of things, 30 minutes is not really that long.  But when you feel like the person that you haven't seen in forever has put something else in front of you again, it feels like an eternity!  It felt like an eternity to me also. And the day dragged out a thousand times longer as in his hurt and anger he ignored all my calls and text messages all day.

I've felt that way.  There have been many times that I felt like his career got more of him that I did. Temporarily the shoe is on the other foot, but the last thing I ever want to do is cause hurt to the heart I love the most.  So... I need to do some restructuring.

I am reading and listening to a great leadership book right now.  And frankly, I need to do more than read it. I need to live it.  I know myself.  I know that I will insure that a task gets completed, regardless if the person it was assigned to completed it or not.  And I've come to realize that, it simply does not work that way.  In allowing others to shirk their duties and picking up the slack, I have enabled bad behaviors and I have unintentionally created more work for myself.


So while I watch Hubs leave for work this morning, on a day that it is expected to hit 80 degrees, on his Harley.  I felt a bit jealous.   I wanted to be on the back, I wanted to be heading out on an adventure. The stars aligned for him, he'd already scheduled a trip to Potosi, down those long winding country back roads, Mother Nature just gave him the gift of clear skies and warm weather.  He needs it.

I have to balance those scales out for me also... starting today...

This has been a year of "ah ha's" a year of understanding and growth.  I don't feel like it's anywhere close to done.

But I'm making progress...