easily distracted...

I'm fairly certain I should never be left to my own devices, especially in a home filled with everything to feed my creative mind. For almost a year, I've been daydreaming about making a lighthouse for my garden beds. The passion developed after seeing the one my daughter had at her lake house.

I used to make garden decorations out of clay pots what seems like a lifetime ago, there are still a few random half painted small ones stuck on shelves. But as usual, I moved on to something else, never quite circling back.  To make things even more enticing, my daughter gave me a box of gardening pots, peeking out of the box were several clay pots.  

For the past few days, I have been completely wrapped up in creating.  Digging out supplies from various spots that I had hidden them. I still needed a few pots and sauces to finish the lighthouse shape, easily solved by a quick trip to the garden center. 

One of my sisters planted an idea in my head yesterday, one that I cannot past.  I am probably going to make a trip to the garden center for a few more pots.  I am not going to be able to get it out of my head if I don't.  I need to make that lighthouse, it needs to leave my mind. 

Glowing in the darkened garden

Puffin Pass sits in the lower garden area

Somehow in the midst of all the painting, I am still keeping up with the gardens, canning, freeze drying, quilting and all the other things that drift in and out of my thoughts and life. 

If you have never made your own maraschino cherries, I'm going to highly recommend it.  I made two types, one with Luxardo liquor, perfect for old fashioned. The majority of the jars are alcohol free, these were made primarily for my sweet dragon. She loves them. 

I am finding myself in such a peaceful space.  I am feeling the world changing all around me. The quiet space I'm creating is calming.  It's peaceful.  

In the cooler early hours the morning, Hubs and I worked on our yard.  Neither of us can handle the extreme heat, so we are thankful that the current heat wave has started to fade.  I managed to get all of the flower beds weeded and Hubs was able to fertilize the yard to help it deal with the extreme heat of summer.  I'm questioning why they even sell fescue in this area, as it is a cool weather grass and our weather is definitely not cool in the summer.  I find I question a lot as I age. 

For years I have ignored our lower yard, I'm fairly sure I have mentioned that.  It just didn't draw me in, it didn't invite me to spend time there, so I never really put energy into it. Each bit I put into it, tempts me to do a bit more.  To create a private small paradise. 

While the creative side of my heart is filled creating this personal space, my mind is filled with something entirely different. 

Lately, probably as a result of watching everything around me, I've been pondering the immense disconnect and lack of true community spirit that seems to be spreading. I am not usually an overly outgoing person, I know that I am completely comfortable alone.  Yet I do enjoy people.  

A neighbor reached out on our neighborhood Facebook page, sharing that she was a widow and newly retired, feeling a bit lost without a support group.  While out of town last summer, I couldn't reach Hubs for hours and the only neighbor I had contact info for was not in town for the day, the stress was incredible.  Yesterday listening to a podcast someone asked a question about what do you do as an "elder orphan". I think it struck me hard, simply because the point was being driven home that we do not have the communities we used to have.  The connections. 

There is something positive to be said about the old fashioned small town mindset.  I grew up on military bases, same kind of mindset. You shared skills, you supported each other, you were there when someone needed something.  No one walked alone.  

In that past few months several of our neighbors have moved (I never even met them), new families have moved in.  The last few I have made it a mission to get to know, even striving to learn and remember names. Baby steps. I am forcing myself to step out of my bubble, to create connections with the people that are in my immediate area.  To support those around me in whatever way I can or feel comfortable with. I'm still basically more comfortable alone. 

I now babysit a pup during the day, so her mommy can go to work without worrying about her being alone. She lives a few doors down. I've helped neighbors with their yard work, Hubs and I have pressure washed driveways and sidewalks.

I don't know why I'm feeling drawn to reach out, but I am.  A couple of our neighbors would like to get together to make fresh pasta and have a dinner together.  I love this idea, strangely.  I feel like many are starting to long for that sense of community.  Maybe we are moving past the closing our doors, putting up barriers?  

Only two are actually mine

For now, I'm going to continue taking small steps.  Creating beauty all around me.  And finding a way to create community.  I feel quite strongly about it.  I don't know why... I just feel very drawn to do it.

What do you think?  Am I losing my mind?  Is the world changing so much that I am grasping at the past or is there actually a need in this crazy world for us to come together, to stop all of the division?

Time to get back to work... I will ponder this later.... besides, I need to paint another lighthouse...

seclusion...

It's just a touch past 8 am... I already feel like I've put in a full day's work.  This heatwave (better known as summer in the mid-west) is in full force.  The humidity is unreal, making it seem far hotter than it really is.  I get up super early all the time, it's who I am.  During the season of ick, better known as summer around these parts it is a pure blessing.  I accomplish all of my outside tasks in the early morning coolness as the sun just starts to lighten the skies.

I have one set of garden beds that are still drinking in the semi-cool water, I'm giving that one a few more minutes than the rest.  My poor hydrangeas are seriously protesting this season, longing for the cool, wetness of spring time.  They are being complete drama queens, laying down each afternoon in complete surrender, offering up their tender leaves to the heat of the afternoon.  Pleading for an extra pitcher of water to quench their dire thirst.  Only to be fresh and beautiful in the morning light. 

Will the pretty blue make it... not this year.

Yesterday was spent in the kitchen, we'd picked up 20 lbs of Georgia peaches and 10 lbs of Washington cherries over the weekend and I needed to process them all. I still have about 5 lbs of peaches to go, but they are destined for a few cobblers and any that are left will be canned or freeze dried to savor later in the year when they are not readily available, we'll be able to open and enjoy a taste of summer.  

I've been experimenting with my freeze dryer, having moved on from making candies for the kiddo's.  Now its fruits and veggies.  I've fallen in love with freeze dried fruits, the intensity of them is unreal.  There is a batch of peaches in there right now, and cherries are on trays in the freezers waiting their turn.  If you have never tried freeze dried cherries, I highly recommend them! I started on the fruit journey a few weeks ago, when my dear friend and I crazily decided to go blueberry picking.  Over 11 pounds of fresh blueberries later, I definitely had to do something before they went bad.  Next I'm hoping to try some veggies, I've heard they are the most delicious chips when done correctly.  True veggie chips... 

This season has brought me another precious surprise, my Rose of Sharon is finally in full bloom again.  As I stood there in the quiet watering it this morning, I was remembering the first time I knew what it's name was and how much I treasure it.  My oldest and closest friend was here for my 50th birthday, and as we stood outside she told me what it was.  The next summer my grandson damaged all of them while trying to remove the honeysuckle that was taking over everything on the hillside.  I feared they would never return.

For years I've had a random bloom here, a random one there, but never a full covering of the beautiful flowers.  This year is different.  This year is brilliant. I just wish I could photograph it for you to enjoy, sadly, there are so many trees behind it that it fades into the background. I would love to have even more of them, anyone ever successfully grown one from seed?

skeeter plant anyone?

chocolate cherry tomatoes
maybe by July 4 

the holy basil is incredible this year
may be able to harvest for teas

I've really been wrapped up in my garden, yard and house this year.  I've felt a strong need to simply be.  I'm not engaging in much.  I'll glance at the news and socials off and on, but mostly I'm not.  I feel like so much is playing out all around us and I don't want to participate. 

Maybe that is selfish, I'm not sure.  Maybe it is more a case of self-preservation. I'm tried of the ugly, the insanity, everywhere.  I hardly go out and about because it is like a blanket over humanity.  I'm tired. 

I took the youngest grand to the pool the other day. I walked in circles in the lazy river, following her ever bobbing head as she stayed just ahead of me, I was subjected to so much taking place all around me. I was stunned.  The conversations, loud and obnoxious were distasteful.  The ugly was strong.  

I watched so many parents/grand parents... who knows maybe babysitters or siblings, show up with kiddo's not much older than our dragon.  They would put their stuff on a chair, tell the kids to go play and sit down with their phones, never once reengaging with their children.  I watched kids longing for attention, doing everything they could to get some.  It was heart breaking. Because when the cute stuff didn't work, they settled for bad and mean, anything to get the person ignoring them to have to engage. 

Waiting in line for her snack, we were forced to listen to a high school boy, intent on "impressing" the bikini clad girl.  The profanity in the midst of all the kids was so intense, he loudly vocalized thoughts on maintaining a job - disheartening, what girls wanted in a guy (he has a lot to learn I'm afraid), how school was a waste of time (hmmmm), and on and on, it was a long wait in the direct sun.  It was so bad that dragon asked to go play in the water nearby and she would come back when I got closer.  

There is just so much that is overwhelming.  I understand that things change, that each generation has to find their own rhythm and make their own rules, but dang... Young man, just showing up and doing as little as possible, is probably not going to move you forward to self sufficiency, especially since you feel that an employer cannot fire you as long as you are simply there.  

I often tell Hubs that it is our generations fault.  He's a boomer, I'm the first of Gen X.  We were the ones with the super strict parents, with good reason, but who can see that as a kid?  We were the original latch key kids, the ones that made our own way, as long as we were home when Dad whistled and those street lights came on. We rebelled, we didn't want that for our kids.  Hmmmm... wondering now if a bit of restraint in that area would have been good.  

a little nap on the ride home...

It all moves in cycles, the weather, growth of people, decline of people, money, economies, governments, education, the list is quite endless.  We are going through a very interesting time.  I'm sure we survive it, I'm sure we find commonalities and the like.  I guess I am becoming an old woman (yikes, I actually had the young kid at the pool tell me I was a senior the other day, I am still over a month from 60 thank you very much). 

For now, I feel strangely drawn to the peace I find in my own little spot in the world. Time with Hubs, chattering about hopes, dreams and plans. Puttering in the gardens, saving seeds for the next season.  Spending hours working on quilts and other art projects, feathering my nest with beauty. Spending time in person or on the phone with dear friends.  My life is full.  I don't need the chaos of the external world.

Before the summer is over, I hope to make a few barn quilts, I want to hang them on my backyard gates.  Slowly but surely we are creating a peaceful, sanctuary/outside living room on the lower patio.  Some of the work will wait until it cools in early fall.  

Now that the grass and flowers are growing where the Bradford pear tree used to stand, it's so enjoyable to sit down there. Once the temperatures chill off a bit, we will build a lattice wall to grow some clematis on. The one thing we've noticed is that in removing the trees we have forsaken a great deal of privacy.  A living wall will be beautiful. I may even paint a few smaller barn quilts to hang on the concrete walls, although I would truly love to paint the walls, the concrete is simply ugly. 

Ahhh... plans. 

Since Hubs is not home for lunch today, I'm going to plant up the planter he just got me and head up to the sewing room for a few hours.  I have a lot I want to accomplish and this brutal heat is definitely leading me inside to hide. 

I hope you are finding the pure beauty in your lives....

love and prayers, b