that darn plan b...

When it is all of 18° it's super hard to believe the temperatures will hit almost 50° before the day ends. Watching the sunrise in the shadows on the wall, brings me hope that the day will get there. I was stuck in a world of gray yesterday, needing some sunshine.  I did get a batch of soap made, it is a bright and vibrant orange - Turmeric and Orange.  The combination of color and scent is incredibly uplifting.  

I also finally decided to dry the oranges I'd bought.  No one has been eating them and I didn't want them to go to waste.  I've never dehydrated oranges before so I have no idea how long it will take for them to dry, it's been about 20 hours so far and they aren't dry yet, although progress is happening. I am fairly sure I am in love with the scent filling my home as they dry.  Again, there is the vibrant orange color and that heavenly warm season scent that is filling the air.  

Combine all that orange with the sunshine and it definitely feels like a beautiful spring like day is getting ready to happen.  I need it. 

Things got a bit wonky yesterday and it felt like the world was going to flip in a moment. I realized that even though I am definitely the person that always had a plan b ready to go, I might have let that slip a bit in recent years.  My plan b felt super weak and not at all safe yesterday. I'm definitely going to be working on making a few adjustments to plan b. 

I also didn't feel that I handled my response in a great way.  I let my feelings show over my wisdom, so much so that I removed myself from the moment and took a hot shower and had a long chat with God.  I am a firm believer that I can do all things through him and in that moment in time, it was where I needed to lean.  

I am one of those people that will cry when I am angry.  And honestly, if pushed to that point by anyone, the odds of me ever being OK with the reason are pretty slim.  I will forgive the action, I struggle to ever forget.  Yesterday was more about my anger at someone else's self-centeredness. Is that even a word?  Or just a feeling? I was at the point of ugly crying I was so mad. 

As I stood in the shower, using every bit of hot water, I found myself releasing it all to God.  Just as I have done with many situations in my life.  I felt my anger leaving, I came to acceptance of the situation and was starting to adjust my mental state.  That will take a bit longer, like I said that plan b is currently super weak. 

I'd just gotten out of the shower, brushing my hair and calming when Hubs came upstairs with the biggest grin and showed me his phone.  Grabbing my glasses, yep can't read anything without them that isn't at about a 24pt font, I was shocked at what I read.  Unsure, disbelieving I read it several times.  During the time I had been showering and conversing with God a complete reversal of what had sent me into a tail spin in the first place happened. 

I found it ironic that my sweet Hubs was the one reminding me that I am always the one telling him that God performs miracles great and small every day. I admit, I felt a bit sheepish at my initial unwillingness to believe my eyes, my humanness was definitely in control by that point. 

Thankfully, at this moment in time, the very thing that caused the chaos appears to have shifted a different direction, but the feelings it left behind are uneasy and lingering.  The message was loud and clear, I definitely need to work on the plan b. At any moment things can shift or change and if you don't have alternate plans and ideas to navigate the uneasy spaces, then you are left adrift and lost. 

This world is really unbalanced lately.  There are things happening at a rapid and uneasy rate.  Yesterday had me to seriously questioning how ready any of us really are for sudden and unexpected changes and difficulties. In our case it wasn't anything truly earth shattering in the long term.  No one was sick or dying.  It was simply the possible shift into unknown and unexpected changes, that neither of us were prepared for.  We'd discussed the possibilities many times, but the impossibility and improbability of those events seemed so far away and so unlikely that we hadn't really planned with that in mind. 

I'm sure those situations happen to a lot of folks all the time. We could recover from it fairly rapidly, but it would have been a miserable situation. How many folks can't recover?  How many times do things creep up that aren't expected and it changes things to the point that there is no recovery?  

I wasn't as able to bounce back to a good state of mind as Hubs was.  I was still stunned and angry that anyone could be that arrogant and insensitive. I see the person responsible with very new eyes now, and I am struggling super hard with it, the complete disrespect for Hubs is hard for me. Hubs is a far kinder and accepting person, he has already moved forward.  Me? I am slowly taking cautious steps forward.  

As a result the wheels fell off my bus for a good chunk of yesterday.  I ended up just searching for soap recipes, not making any more.  I never found my way into my sewing room. For a bit, my day stopped being productive or enjoyable. 

Yet, the sun rose this morning.  Things are back in the realm of blessings and less in the realm of humanness.  I need to work on counting the blessings more and seriously working on that plan b. One of my favorite YouTube channels is Dutchsince, he forecasts earthquakes and is crazy interesting. At about the three quarters mark in his video's he always says "do you have an earthquake plan?" Oddly that line is all I can hear in my mind this morning, Do you?  Not meaning an earthquake plan, although living on the New Madrid fault line for us it isn't a bad idea, but meaning a plan b.

If that unexpected moment that shakes your plan a to the ground happens, do you have a solid plan b?  Is it one that you can step into without a moment's hesitation?  Or is it similar to mine currently... where it will happen but the bits and pieces would need time to come together.  

Things are looking brighter and the glow from the sun is warming my neck and my heart.  In all of it God is in control, we need to be sure to keep praying, and then following the words our heart hears.  My heart heard the wake up call.  I've got some serious planning and actions to get busy with...

Enjoy the day and even if you have to create artificial sunshine for your spirit (thinking oranges) don't give up.

love and prayers...