my ordinary world...

I am definitely not complaining, because for every bitter cold day we've had this winter we've had weeks that remain in the high 40's or better.  But dang... folks it is COLD! I was stunned to see the temp read 12°, with a real feel of simply 1°.  I don't feel that I will be leaving the house today.  I would love to live further north during the summer months, but I am not sure I would love to live further north in the winter months. 

I am debating on building a fire, simply to chase off the chill.  Although, I am 99% sure I am not going to, for the simple reason that I cannot walk away from a fire.  Sweet Hubs kept it going all day yesterday.  I cannot say I accomplished much on my to do list, the warmth of the fire was too alluring for me. Pups and I spent a very relaxed day doing basically nothing, just reclining and resting in the warmth.  Was it wonderful, of course it was, why wouldn't it be?  Do I feel a tad like a lazy bug, yup. 

Definitely not a bad way to start the week, from a relaxation standpoint.  Unfortunately, I'm now behind on my self-imposed to do list. It's another day, the sun has risen and I have plenty of time to catch up, it's a fairly light list this week. 

Being without a longarm and waiting on supplies for other things, means that I can focus on household things.  Ya know paying bills, doing the taxes, planning the spring planting.  Those kind of things.  I also have a few maintenance items to take care of around the house.  Repairs caused by puppies mostly, they sure can be destructive. Unfortunately it doesn't really fill my creative soul, doing those kind of tasks. 

I know, I know... spoiled wife, first world problems.  Winter is tough on me.  I love everything about it, except the limitations.  I look out back at the yard that once held grass, and long to fix it, so that it is useful and puppy friendly.  I have projects in the garage that I would love to work on, but frostbite is not my friend, and it's just as cold out there, only without the wind. Which limits me to inside projects, and I'm running a bit low on those. 

I love being a stay at home dog mom, I adore being able to take care of our home and my "family", I just haven't mastered it yet.  Sometimes I find myself drawn into the blurriness that society has created.  I hear my neighbor questioning my early retirement, like it was a crime.  I see the puzzled looks on faces as to why I would be comfortable staying home. I see things like my niece posted about her transition to homemaker and full time mommy and the struggle it is causing.  And then I question why society has become this way?

Why is it not okay to simply be the one taking care of the home? The one that is responsible for all things based around the home. My husband loves being taken care of, he rarely does any actual chores around the house. Although he gets props for doing the dishes for a week while my wounded thumb healed. And I take pride in the fact that he doesn't have to.  In fact my only regret is that I wasn't able to do this when my children were younger. 

I feel a lot of the struggles we are currently facing in our country/world, could be resolved if we returned the task of raising and taking care of the children to at least one parent.  I am not so sure we ever needed both parents working, but we sure bought into that didn't we? I know I did.  Even though my soul longed to be at home with my babies, I was often working two or sometimes three part time jobs. I'd bought into the lie that we needed stuff and therefore we needed to constantly be in hustle mode. 

Hindsight is always 20/20 and from the lens I look through now, that time in life could have been far better spent. As it was, between part time jobs and taking care of the household, I am afraid like most kids mine got what was left of me, not the best of me. 

Since the debacle of 2020, I am so impressed to see an increasing number of people reevaluating life.  It's priorities, what is important, how to spend time and resources.  My own daughter's parenting style is very free range, although she is deeply involved and available for her kiddo's.  Well and all the ones she acquires.  As kids are drawn to her like moths to flame. 

I think we will endure some rocky times as our society continues to shift, I really think the pendulum is swinging back, there will be labor shortages continuing while things balance.  I feel that we are learning to adjust spending expectations and desires versus true needs.  The lines at the grocery seem to indicate a bit more cooking at home.  So much is changing.  

My homemaking heart is thankful for the shift I am observing.  Mom and Dad's out with their kids doing "free" things. Playing together at parks, spending time being part of the world. It feels like the shift towards family is happening again.  I can hardly wait for the shift to move back towards communities. 

my sweet handyman

I know that I am old fashioned.  The tech world hurts my very soul.  It disconnects us, it softens us. It creates a dependency that I am not comfortable with. Does it have a place?  Or course there is good, as with everything, it needs boundaries. I don't feel society, which has been in awe of it all, the ease, the "magic", etc... has been aware of what it has been replacing in our lives. 

For example, while I've been typing I've been pondering making a couple of batches of soap today, it takes 6 weeks to cure, and I definitely prefer to make it during the cooler months as opposed to the warmer ones when I have other things to do.  

There was a time that women were tired of that lifestyle, cooking, cleaning, taking care of basic needs non-stop.  It was easy to shift us away from one perceived treadmill to another.  Especially, when the original treadmill was portrayed as something bad and something that only a second class person would do. Failing to realize that joining the rat race was simply the same thing.  The difference was that you were doing things for someone else and needing to replace that in your own life by labor from another. 

I do not like to use chemical laden things on my skin or hair.  I want to know every ingredient, be able to pronounce it's name and not worry what it is a bi-product of.  I'm fussy. As a result even when I worked full time, I still found the time to take care of making my soaps and shampoos. Heck, I've even discovered non-chemical ways to launder my clothing.  Soap nuts and wool balls are amazing,  FYI!

My personal pendulum swung back suddenly, it took me a moment to thrive in it.  I don't have a time clock and there are times where it doesn't feel that I have vacations or time off.  And then there are days like yesterday.  I did the bare minimum.  I took a day of rest.  In fact Hubs and I took Sunday as a day of rest also.  I don't know when the last time we did that was.  It was refreshing and peaceful. It made sense why God commanded a day of rest. I mourn that we as humans do not honor that day, as it felt like an incredible reset. I guess it's because we've been sold on the idea that success is equal to non-stop hustle.

I hope the global pendulum continues to swing in the direction that it's been heading. I hope that we stop looking outward for solutions and continue to look inward.  And that more of us continue to remember to pray!

Well, time to refill my coffee, fold the laundry and get busy on that to do list that I create to keep my life running smoothly. 

Love and prayers...

pondering the 3 D's...

It's bitter cold outside, the slight snow/sleet has stopped falling.  The cold remains. I'm sitting here enjoying the remaining fire that my sweet Hubs built to warm my toes and fill my heart.  Listening to Pastor Bob Joyce's latest CD, he's eerily reminiscent of Elvis when he sang his beautiful gospel music.  Again, warming my heart. 

I've been spending a lot of time in prayer and learning the Bible.  It brings me so much peace.  We are in some very strange times and when you step back they echo much that is in the Bible, maybe not identical, yet the same none the less.  An example is the "food shortages", I do not believe for one moment this is any more real than any of the other shortages.  It is not natural.  It's man made, it's designed to control. 

If I spend too much time in the world, I feel anxiety and stress.  When I stop and refuse to listen to all of the external voices I can focus on those small inner voices.  The ones that have never lied to me, that have never led me in the wrong direction.  I know that is the voice I need to zero in on.  It doesn't matter if I am in prayer or meditation, what matters is that I hear the voice that is gently guiding me.  

So many are struggling in these days.  The external noise is loud.  Its confusing and unsettling.  I feel in my soul it has been designed that way.  One of the pastor's I listen to regularly always says that she was brought up to always be aware of the 3 d's - deceive, distract and destroy as those are the tools of Satan and his followers. 

That simple statement really resonates with me.  It is what I see all around me.  Everywhere you look it feels like we are being lied to, how many times does a lie have to be repeated for it to be accepted as the truth?  How much of our news, media, entertainment is strictly to distract us?  Anyone else find it odd that just as scandal regarding politicians and classified documents starts to come to light Antifa starts to raise it's head again, oh yeah and the immediately afterwards the body cams of a of former speaker of the house's husband get released? All in less than a week? Talk about distractions... 

Destroy, well that one definitely doesn't need to be highlighted at all now does it?  Given that we have been living in times of destruction for several years now.  Everywhere one turns there is an example of physical, mental, financial or emotional destruction.

Yet as I bow my head, as I listen to the word, I feel peace.  I know that I am not truly a part of that world and I am good with it. 

I've never felt I belong in this world.  I've always felt like an outsider.  As if the person I am has been inserted in the wrong time or place.  I've had moments of fear, frustration and sadness as I have tried to fit in.  The older I have grown the more comfortable I have become in not fitting in.  I don't want to.  Even more so in the last few years.  I've watch sadly on the sidelines as so much deception, distraction and destruction has happened.  I feel deeply in my heart for those that are willing to look at what they can clearly see with their own eyes and still not see it for what it is.   I can't change it.  I can only pray. 

People are changing, the anger and callousness towards one another is growing.  Just when it feels hopeless a good thing happens, anyone see the story of the beloved pet sent to a shelter because the family couldn't take care of it?  The shelter not only reunited them, but is helping them.  We all have the ability to do that.  To step into the void and provide assistance.  

Sadly, there are many that are still focusing on the division that has been created and not on the solution.  I read a tweet the other day from a prominent influencer, questioning why the unvaxed didn't share with those that got vaxed why they were not participating.  At first I was so disheartened, why blame those that stood strong in the face of too many unknowns? Upon processing a bit further, it felt more like that was part of the process of healing.  Grief, disbelief, anger... those are the first few steps... there are still three more to go.  

Our entire world is going through those five steps: grief, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance in the face of so many things.  We are all at different levels of the process. I find myself bouncing in a few areas at different times regarding much of what the past few years have presented to us. 

Today, I find myself very firmly in a state of hope, praise and celebration of the good that is to come.  I am choosing to see with my heart and not with my eyes.  This world is full of joyous news and events.  There are miracles happening every single day.  We just have to be strong enough to see with our hearts, I know I've mentioned a mustard seed in the past, and not with our eyes and ears. 

I'm trying very hard to stay clear of those three D's.  I'm trying to focus on the good that surrounds me, the good I can do in this unkind stage of our world, and lifting all of us in prayer. 

Well, my wonderful music has ended, my coffee is cold and my fire is smoldering embers... I guess it's time to get going.  I have chores that need tending to and tasks that I am setting for myself that need attention.  While I know that everything is well in hand, I also know that I am part of the solution and cannot sit on the sidelines.

love and prayers... 

ps... watch out for those 3 D's... far more dangerous than we believe... 

unconditional love...

It's snuggle time with the spoiled boy puppy.  He gets very upset if I don't find the time to sit with him during the day.  I've been super busy around the house lately and he's been a bit short changed.  He doesn't need a full day's worth of time, but loves to have either his morning or afternoon nap spent curled up at my side.  I can always tell when he feels neglected, because he will follow me around and lay at my feet until I get the picture.  The other day, he had his entire head and most of his shoulders shoved into the dryer to stop me from folding laundry.  

I'd say he definitely communicates his needs very clearly. Like I said, I've been very busy lately, so when he started following me and laying where I was trying to mop, I knew it would be far more productive to snuggle and maybe catch up on some seated things than trying to mop around him. At 73 pounds, he can be quite the immovable lump.

The girl puppy is far more independent and doesn't like to snuggle so much. Although she has her own ways of letting me know when she desires additional attention and love.  She will bring her toys and insist on standing in front of me.  She doesn't want picked up, although that is what Dad will do - sorry 63 wiggling pounds is too much for me to lift if I don't have to, but she does want to be held close against you and pet.  She will also let you know when she is done as she trots off to play or monitor the activity in the trees out back from the bay windows.  She is forever vigilant.  

I often laugh and wonder how these two precious babies can be puppies from the exact same litter, yet here they are.  Their personalities, their needs, their likes and dislikes, and their appearance are completely opposite. Like day and night, and at the same time they are so very much in tune with one another.  Both would be lost without the other.  They are definitely yin and yang to one another.  

We are blessed to have them in our lives and I am forever grateful for my friends that led us to them.  They filled a whole in our hearts that we simply didn't realize was there.  Our lives were full and we were doing a lot of crazy things, we weren't aware of the hollow feeling we both had, until it was filled again. 

There are all kinds of people in the world, we just happen to be dog people.  We cherish the joy they bring us.  The laughter, the pure love is something we didn't realize we were missing, now that it is back in our lives I seriously doubt we will ever not have it again. 

We are aware that to some people it seems silly.  We are super fussy who watches them, how they spend time, etc. If I leave them in your care, know that I trust you 100%.  The same way I was with my children.  Not everyone was asked to be part of their up bringing.  

I will also 'fess up that I get a touch fussy when folks assume they are "just dogs".  Frankly, I love my dogs are more than I like most people and I protect them fiercely. I even get anxious at Hubs when I feel he is putting them in a potentially unsafe situation and we have more than a few uncomfortable conversations about it.  

Yes, I am well aware they are dogs.  At no point, even when I call them my babies, do I assume they will ever take the place of my actual human children.  But they are my responsibility, they are my furry children so to speak.  They became that when I accepted them into my family.  They are my responsibility until they cross the rainbow bridge.  

That is why I don't leave them with just anyone. It is why I don't put them in situations where they will be failures.  It is the reason that I don't treat them like they are an accessory.  They are a living creature, it is a privilege to help them live their best lives.  We have done this with every animal we have ever had.  Cats, turtles, lizards, dogs, it simply doesn't matter. Heck I even grudgingly give care and "comfort" to my daughter's snake, and that is super hard for me to do. 

Some folks say they are spoiled.  They said the same thing about my children. I don't believe it is spoiled, I feel it is loved.  They give complete and unconditional love, should they expect the same in return?  Their lifetimes are far shorter than ours, and they are devoted entirely to us, I don't think that is an unrealistic expectation.  So I will sometimes decline invitations, I do rearrange my life around my sweet babies and their happiness and needs.  Sorry, not sorry.  They make sure I am happy and part of the lives 24/7, most people only reach out when they need you.  

So yep... you will often find me taking unnecessary trips so my babies can go for a ride, walking in dried creek beds so they can run unfettered and out of danger, sitting for hours so my sweet boy can feel special and comforted, or sitting on the floor playing with Miss Independent on her terms.  You will find me cooking up special treats for them and making sure they enjoy their meals and I will be opening and closing the door 20 times an hour if need be.  Because I know what unconditional love feels like, and I want them to know the same thing.  Life is short, we all deserve to feel that kind of love. 

Well my sweet hubby will be home shortly, he is wanting lunch, so I will have to disturb the pup momentarily... love and prayers my friends... 

healing, clearing...

My sleepy brain has struggled to come awake.  I might be getting too old for sleeping 5 hour or less at night.  My hot coffee is helping.  It going to be tough day. I'm a bit weary physically from the past week.  It's been a long, hard labor kind of week.  

After a self inflicted week of digging through the past, deciding what to keep and what needed to go, I opted to go and help my girl out.  She was working on a big project in Arkansas, she needed help and it gave us some time to spend together.  Luckily having been in property management (not the kind where you run real estate), I have a strong skill set that she needed. Ironically, most of the men I encountered this weekend were quick to discredit that skill set.  It's okay, I didn't need their acknowledgement and knew where to push to keep things moving and get them finish.  

I guess I don't really come across as someone that possesses those skills.  I was humored.  I was even more humored when I could have prevented a bit of struggle and work, if they would have listened.... And when they choose to ignore me and shut me down, I choose to be silent. Let them expend the time and energy, they evidently need to learn by experiencing those things.  My girl's skill set is strong also, I have simply experienced a few more things than she has (nice way of saying I'm old - I've had more time to make mistakes and learn from them.)

This past week has definitely been about healing.  It's been wrapped up in letting go of the past and moving head first into life.  It's been strange and wonderful.  There have been tears, there have been smiles.  This past weekend there laughter, moaning, frustration and a sense of closure for me. 

In fact the entire stretch of time has held all of those emotions and more.  Mostly it has held the powerful feeling of closure and healing.  Some conversations can never be held, deepest feelings and emotions forever halted at the time of death.  The very act of clearing away physical trinkets and memories, also released those feelings that were stagnate and trapped. It felt like I have finally been able to release things that have been holding my back.  Holding me hostage to my own feelings and emotions.

Helping my girl this weekend brought closure to a painful chapter in my life. It allowed me to make peace with someone that had inadvertently and for the best of reasons hurt me. Helping to tidy up the remaining pieces of his lifetime, cleaning and painting in silence gave me time to release those feelings and respect the reason the actions happened. It was like clear water being poured into a long festering wound. 

As we headed out to return home, it was a bag of mixed emotions, but all of them felt pure.  

My girl had to deal with a phone call that almost brought her to her knees just before we left.  The struggle not to run to her as she requested a bit of time alone to process the loss of a very dear friend was real.  That she allowed me to hold her while she hurt... indescribable. My girl is not fond of touch, her melting into my arms and drawing on my strength drove home how deeply hurt she was. 

My girl and I rarely have one on one time.  It's often cluttered with others, schedules and the day to day chaos that is life.  To have roughly 12 hours to just the two of us, was priceless, even though we were both struggling through that long drive home after working so hard for two days.  We talked about a million things.  Some large, some tiny, some important, some mundane all of it was perfection. 

Today, I am struggling.  My eyes are heavy, my body is tender, but my soul feels like many of the little tears that life creates were patched and mended. It's now time to get back to work, I am not allowing myself a nap, I want a long night of deep sleep.

2023 is starting off in a very strange way.  A healing way.  I am thankful for the growth and the journey. 

Man plans...

God laughs.  I heard that line this morning, while listening to a podcast.  Man plans, God laughs.  It wasn't meant to say God doesn't care, in fact far from it.  The context is that God has asked us to have faith in him and his bountiful goodness.  Often times, man becomes very myopic, we lose the ability to look beyond our own wants, needs and or feelings. And in our nearsightedness we might lose sight of the miracles that are happening all around us. 

Hey sis... what is Mom doing?

I've been super busy this week.  I've thought about writing, but my heart and body haven't been in it.  I've been doing the work that my spirit is calling me to do.  Unboxing, cleaning out, throwing away bits and pieces of life and memories that frankly I've found myself struggling to even remember. It's incredible the stuff that we save, thinking that it will create a link to something. 

I've also been in super steroid Gramma mode all week.  This morning as I sat quietly enjoying my coffee I have missed the chaos of the last three mornings, the kind of chaos that had quickly started to settle into a routine.  I sort of missed it. Although that bit of time drinking my coffee and relaxing felt pretty awesome also. 

I always make a lot of plans, I function best like that.  I don't always think of bigger picture, of the impact that is greater than my immediate bubble.  Listening to that podcast this morning, I really got to thinking about things.  That particular line, was just one point of many.  She was actually talking about a greater thought and idea.  How we are all part of the solution, part of the total picture and that none of us are an island unto ourselves. 

I know I sometimes get into that mode.  I get happy here in my little house on the hill and I forget there is an entire world outside the door.  This past week as I stepped in to help my older grandson and grand daughter with the littlest dragon so mom could help her uncle with a huge project, I felt something very different.  As my grands asked for attention and help, I felt valued as part of their bubble.  Their mom is incredible and those babies don't often need anything outside of their immediate family structure.  

Helping, filled my heart.  I have had more energy and desire to do things this week than I remember in a long time.  It was like someone removed a road block that was stopping me from clearing out the past.  

The Christmas closet is completely cleaned out, so many bags of trash and recycling that my head is still spinning.   There are boxes of items that are being donated, other boxes of items that I am passing on to younger family members that are just building their starter homes. Some things that we are setting aside for specific donations, for example to the veterans programs we support. As I put the final touches on it, I felt an overpowering sense of accomplishment.  I found it to feel energizing. 

So much so that I immediately moved on to the cantry.  Wow, is that one a hot mess.  It's not organized, which is really all it has ever needed.  I just didn't take the time to do it.  I tend to get myself wrapped up in strange and weird spots, unable to move forward.  Again, man plans, God laughs. 

I feel like the time is finally right to tackle these big projects.  I am finally ready for these next steps.  Maybe it is because I have spent so much time in prayer lately.  The world needs so much prayer.  Things do not appear to be going great, but I feel a strong urge to deny that feeling and focus on being prepared to accept the blessings that will follow.  

My plans were to quickly clean up my longarm room and be ready for the new one to arrive post haste.  I planned to work on my Cricut and develop my sublimation skills.  I think God had different plans for me.  My longarm will not be here until at least mid-February and my heat press has died (thank goodness for warranties).  I mean, can't get much more obvious than that when your plans go haywire. I am waiting on the longarm and the replacement heat press to arrive.  

I feel God was telling me it's time to stop playing for a bit and take care of long neglected business.  Hubs even told me to order a different heat press, and I will, I just haven't felt drawn to make up my mind as to which one I want. 

I am fairly positive once I finish the list of "some days" I am going to feel much more inclined to enjoy the next part of this journey.  There won't be any distractions, no lingering should've, would've or could'ves in the corners of my mind. 

I had plans... God laughed and guided me down a better path.  I'm exhausted.  I have muscles that are so tired from climbing ladders, lifting boxes, hauling trash, bending, lifting and stretching.  Those are simply the symptoms of a body that hasn't been being used properly.  

Truth is I feel fantastic! My mental state is improved on so many levels and I am already plotting the path my major cleaning journey is going to take. But for now, I have a friend that I am going to do a favor for this morning and she should be here shortly.  Then I am having lunch with several friends.  Today is more of a day of slower, a day to relax and celebrate the week past.  I will get busy again later this afternoon on my projects, unless my girl needs my help and then I will put mine on hold until morning.  

I've got bigger plans to follow than simply my own... 

love, prayers and hope

oh my....

Okay, it's official, I have definitely picked HUGE projects for my to do list.  I was all proud of myself doing the things, marking them off, feeling uber successful at managing life, and then I tackled the Christmas closet as I call it. 

I mean I did laundry, tidied up the house, canned two full canners of cranberry juice and even spent time learning how to use the sublimation printer and create things. I was feeling in control by noon when I decided to tackle the Christmas boxes. I knew the whole storage area needed addressed, but I didn't exactly plan to do it.  I thought maybe I would get to it later this year or... well... you know never?!

That isn't how it went.  I pulled out all the Christmas stuff, the piles and piles of wrapping paper, bags, bows and such that had been stuffed in there year after year as the holidays ended and exhaustion took it's toll.  When Hubs and I would promise one another that we'd address it in the summer or over a staycation. Yup, I think I mentioned yesterday, those days seriously never happen. 

As you can imagine...one thing led to another.  

Hubs had been wondering what had happened to his photo albums from Vietnam, and I decided to peek into boxes and see if I couldn't find them. I was not only stunned but very dismayed to see the chaotic way we had packed when we moved from Illinois.  The move was rushed, awkward and based on what I saw yesterday, completely chaotic.  In all fairness, we were both working around 50+ hours a week, I was still recovering from whooping cough and we didn't know it at the time but Hubs' hip was literally disintegrating at a rapid rate and it would be the start of probably the hardest year we've ever experienced together. 

At any rate, I started pulling out boxes, cleaning out cabinets and hauling up trash, I somehow managed to walk 4.62 miles without ever leaving my house.  Most of it in my basement. I'm not even half-way finished, so Christmas is still up and beautiful at my home. Although I think I will take down the small amount I put up outside, before heading down today.  

I found treasures in the midst of the chaos.  Little things that made me smile and laugh, my kiddo's first baby blankets, my first baby blankets, little tokens of life that had been packed away, saved to look back on at some point in life. I rediscovered my letter jacket, doesn't look too bad for 40 years old.  My graduation tassel and even a beautiful embroidery that was made when I was born. My Korean doll my dad sent me when I was born (he was there for the first 18 months of my life) and the one he bought my daughter when he returned to visit during her first year of life. 

Those treasures made me laugh and smile.  Those are the kinds of memories that I cherish. I did find two of Hub's missing photo albums so far.  And he found the complete set of newspapers from the 1940's and on, that carried his Dad's writings, articles and photos. I learned a lot about his passion for horses and the impact he'd made on that community in this area throughout his life. We uncovered the final article written about his Dad a little over a year after his passing, it was powerful and heart wrenching to listen to Hubs read it aloud.  

We found a small envelope that we hadn't known existed, in my world it was the most priceless of all, it contained photos that we thought didn't exist any longer.  There were pictures of Hubs throughout his childhood, including a few when he was probably six months or so old.  He had assumed those were all long gone, yet there they were preserved as if they were taken yesterday. 

We aren't sure where in the old house these precious memories had been stashed away.  A lot of his family memories had been destroyed when the basement of the house in Fairview had flooded, finding those photos of him were a blessing beyond words.  There is even one of him at his first communion while he was at St. Johns.  He shared how wonderful of a man the father was, and how wicked the nun standing behind him was.  

We found stacks of outdated, unusable computer disks, cables and lord knows what else, video cassettes from our kids' childhood, CD's and DVD's that we had long since forgotten about.  It's incredible the stuff that you put aside to deal with later while you are in the midst of working more than a full time job and managing life the best you can. It might take me all week to tackle that room and one other, but the feeling of joy that comes from eliminating a HUGE stressor, is indescribable. 

The sheer number of old record albums we discovered has led me to believe we either need to find a serious collector or two, or simply buy a record player and start listening to them.  I think there are 5 or 6 boxes full. He comes from a long line of music lovers. 

I have an old metal cabinet that has always held stacks of blankets, comforters, etc.  I can't remember who it belonged to although Hubs had told me a few hundred times, his mom or Gramma.  I opened it, filled with great trepidation yesterday, I knew it was crammed full of old blankets that we no longer needed, but hadn't dealt with.  Probably 90% was put into either the trash or donate piles, and the small pile of true treasures was moved on to a safer location.  

That metal cabinet, fully organized now, has gone from a sad nightmare to my shining glory of success from yesterday. It now contains that huge unruly pile of empty boxes and chaos of wrapping paper, ribbons, bows etc.  

It feels cleansing, energizing.  I was raised military, we cleaned everything out each move, it was part of the cycle, the journey so to speak.  I don't think I ever realized how powerful and healing it is to go through this process on a regular basis. It's been too long. 

Well, I need to get with.  I have to be at my daughters in a short bit, then home to work continue to work on the basement.  Onward!  Oh yeah, the stuff on my to do list, definitely need more time than I originally planned... 

love, prayers and blessings... 

has time sped up?

Yup, I am well aware that it is January 9th and I am still starting my day basking in the glow of my Christmas tree.  I think it will be coming down today. I don't want to get overly optimistic, as every project I have planned this past week has ended up far major than I planned.  Either that or time is definitely moving faster than we realize. It's like tick, tick, tick... boom it's past bedtime. 

I am wondering if my to do list is too intense or I am getting slow?  We finally got the quilting machine and frame taken down, cleaned, serviced and loaded up for delivery.  It's new owner will have it tonight.  It was definitely bitter sweet.  Especially since my new longarm is at least 3 - 4 weeks away.  Talk about massive disappointment.  But the truth is there are sometimes months that go by without me doing any quilting. I am sure it is just the anticipation. 

I'd forgotten what a beast installing that monster was, and now the room looks so huge with it gone. As I was vacuuming up any of the stray threads that were laying around and cleaning the crafting room, I was stunned by how large it suddenly seemed last night. 

I am going to take advantage of it being gone to finally dig into the Christmas stuff.  I don't want to take anything down until I take it all out, clean it out and organize it.  I have no idea what is in those random boxes at this point.  It seems like every year, as we take it all down and clean up we inevitably find a stack of things that we forgot.  Small, random, missing from their home.  Instead of being responsible and organized, I simply stash them in another bag or box and stick it down there for that moment of sometime later. 

I've discovered that sometime later simply doesn't happen without some incredible effort on one's part.  So today, while I linger on the phone with Cricut, darn heating press is not working, I will pull out boxes, bags and an assortment of other storage items and dig in. Wooo... better make sure I have some serious coffee ready for the effort. 

And of course I had to spend some time this weekend with my littlest grand.  Pedicures, cooking baking and crafting definitely happened.  I figure I might as well start her out on a few hobbies young, and she loves to bake cookies and craft.  

My sweet Hubs is trying to give up nicotine, as someone who never smoked, I don't really understand how difficult it is.  I can tell you as the wife of someone trying to give up nicotine, it is brutal!  The intense internal misery must be off the chain. Because the external signs and actions are unreal.  

We were talking about it yesterday, as I was struggling not to commit bodily harm on my beloved, and he said imagine that you can never create or craft again.  No needles of any kind, no knitting, quilting, crocheting, painting, wood working, any kind what so ever... and you would begin to understand.  I've been processing that since yesterday.  

sublimation... you're up!

not bad for a first try... 

I don't believe I would be a very pleasant person to be around.  I need to create.  I might be very addicted to it, probably similar to how an athletic person is about being active, or a musician is about music... It dawned on me that we all have addictions.  Things that make us feel whole and complete.  Some are probably better for us physically than others, but then again there is not guarantee on that either. Says the woman that has sewn threw her finger, and we won't even talk about the burns, punctures and other mishaps that have occurred. 

I guess I understand.  I know I am trying to be compassionate, I guess I need to try a bit harder. We are all fighting battles that others simply might not see or understand. 

I guess I should be thankful for the delay with my new longarm.  It forces me to have free time to get a few other things done.  It forces me to move those other needles.  At 330 am this morning I was daydreaming about starting another project all together... yeah... I might have an addiction too... geez...

Well, I've lingered, I've stalled, I've chatted and sipped coffee... it's time to dig in... I have planned a lot of activity for today....

love, prayers and peace...

and just like that...

 

It's going to be a semi-busy day, one that I am being lazy and pushing off a bit.  I'm showered and ready to start, physically, finally well rested - yesterday was a struggle.  I just want a few more moments of silence and reflection.  A few minutes to snuggle my puppies. Who am I kidding Belle is not a snuggle dog, Beau makes up for it for both of them.  Just a bit more time, before I jump in. 

I am going to be doing maintenance of the long arm today, it's her spa day, the final one I will give her.  After all these years and quilts together, I officially sold her this morning.  Something I've wanted to do, but never had the courage for the next step, longing for something and taking the steps to make it happen are not the same thing.  

I feel like things are lining up like they are meant to.  As I was still toying with the idea of moving onto a true honest to goodness professional long arm I asked my sister if she was interested in my old one.  It's perfect for just starting out, when it is a newer hobby.  She doesn't have the space or time right now.  While I was still mired in next steps, God stepped in and created that space for me to grow and move forward.  

She had friends over, conversations took just the right direction and one thing led to another.  God shoved me!  I wasn't brave enough to do what happened on my own, I was still mired in my own doubts and what if's.  One thing led to another, my lovely old machine and frame that gave me the courage to learn and try are heading south this coming week.  They are going to a new home to help another quilter cut her teeth.  My new "professional long arm" is on it's way so that I can go to the next level. 

Little Ms Independence

I've never quite felt ready before.  My spirit has never bubbled with excitement for the next step.  Until now. 

I need my space

This year seems to be filled with a desire for change.  I am not truly someone that jumps in with both feet.  I can weather change, easily, yet I never seek it out. I am the person that arranges a room, closet, heck life and when it's how I feel comfortable, I don't change it again. Yet here I find myself craving changes. I have a huge plant in my sitting room, for the entire time we've lived here it has resided in the same exact space. Suddenly, I feel a need to move it on. I am actually considering changing that entire room around.  

This is not normal for me.  It feels foreign.  Yet here I am.  Making changes.

Anyone else feeling a desire to change things?  To shift out of the rut we often find ourselves in?  

It's a reunion year from when I graduated high school.  My high school ring disappeared a good 25 years or more ago, not sure what happened to it, but it never left Washington with us.  On one side of my ring it said "free to be", I graduated in '83.  I loved the sentiment, it felt empowering as I stood ready to take on adulthood.  I hadn't thought about it a lot until recently.  A group that I pray with has started to say a prayer together every day, ironically, it starts out "free to be"... it feels like some circle that I didn't know existed has connected.  I feel ready for a lot of next steps.  I actually find myself feeling quite empowered lately and willing to step out of a lot of ruts, routines and safe spaces and truly experience life. 

I must have a thing for years that end with 3, I got married in 2003, I started my blog in 2013, and now here it is 2023 and I'm starting new adventures.... maybe it's my lucky number?  Or just the cycle I thrive in... who know's... but I'll take it.

As I take the pictures so the new owner can easily reassemble the frame and as I care for the machine one final time, I will celebrate the joys and learning aggravations (I struggle to learn new things gracefully sometimes) I have had over the years.  

Through it all, I am ready for what comes next.

Personal space is way over rated

I feel like 2023 is the year to be free, free to chase dreams without feeling hindered.  I'm actually excited... anyone else?

You will provide me comfort human - 
jedi Beau commands it

love, prayers, hopes and dreams... 

ugly soap...

It's a well known fact that I am cheap.  Well, my hubs says it so much nicer when he refers to me as frugal.  Whatever the word chosen, I hate to waste money or resources.  The idea of waste makes me insane. For the past couple of years we have been saving all the little bits of the soaps I've made.  I didn't want to see my hard work go into the trash, I was convinced it still had value. 

Well, yesterday was the day, I finally made rebatch soap, as it is correctly called.  Ugly soap is what I am going to forever call it.  It's ugly in a beautiful way. After grinding it all into small slivers, I loaded it and a small amount of water in the crock pot.  

I was questioning how it would turn out, I envisioned a muddy gray color. I was wrong.  It's closer to a gray/green color, with flecks of vibrant colors scattered through out.  Heating it again did away with any fragrance that was left, so right before I molded it I gave it a healthy dose of "lush succulent", my absolute favorite scent for soaps and candles. 

Because it has already been processed, I knew it wouldn't be smooth, wasn't expecting it to be.  I also knew that it wouldn't have to cure, as it had already done that.  I am going to let the bars sit for a couple of weeks, so most of the moisture is gone and they will last longer. 

I've already tried it, shhh... don't tell Hubs' he wants to be first, but I had a small ball left yesterday when I made it.  It lathers beautifully and from what would have been waste, that we discretely collected until the jar was full we now have 11 more bars of soap. 

It doesn't matter what it looks like.  It has great value and use. My penny pinching heart is in heaven! I put the big jar back under the sink upstairs, ready to start collecting for the next batch. Amazed that it worked and ready to tackle the next project. 

I am not old enough to have lived through the depression.  In fact I am fairly positive I never even heard my family members talk about it.  Sure, like most people I am aware of it, I love history and understanding cause and effect, but I have no idea where that part of my nature comes from.  I had a great aunt that was very frugal also, so maybe it runs in the blood?

I simply loathe waste.  I hated when we went through drive thru's and they would load up your bag with condiments and napkins.  I hated to see them wasted. I am forever looking to see if there are any ways possible to use up things. 

For as long as I can remember I've heard the old quote "use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without".  Again, I don't know where that entered my memory, yet there it is, it feels like it always has been. I am that crazy person that saves all her egg shells and dries them out before grinding them.  They are great for feeding my garden.  I do the same with coffee grinds.  

I have never in my life felt I lived a life of lack.  Even when funds were tight, even now when the world is working hard to make people feel that I've always had a mindset of abundance. I know a lot of my thriftiness is responsible for that.  

I keep listening to folks talking. For over a year now things have been seeming to become harder to come by, shelves have more consistent bare spots and prices are going up.  

Yet as I stood in my kitchen grinding up nubs of old bars of soaps, I didn't feel that lack or stress, I felt thankful that I had the skills to take what would have been trash and create.  It felt ironic and empowering.  It was even funnier because I was in the middle of all my canning projects for the day.  Carrots, apple/pear sauce and cranberry juice.  I didn't want my produce to go to waste, and we'd been gifted with a huge fruit basket over the holidays. 

I'm still pondering what to do with all the oranges, I might dehydrate those to use to sweeten water over the hot summer months. 

I don't know that abundance like we were used to is going to return in 2023.  I am prayerful, but I feel things are changing in a strong way.  I feel like we will have plentiful abundance of the things we need, just not how we had become accustom to.  

I felt the same kind of positive energy when I was using old bits and pieces of lint, small pieces of wood and old candle wax that had melted down to create fire starters before the last bad cold snap.  We didn't go without, even though most of the stores had sold all of the fire starters they had in stock. A few bits of kindling and a small fire starter was all it took to start some beautiful warm fires. 

I hope that I am not the only cheapskate around.  I hope there are far more like me than those that simply toss something, before considering it's useful life.  It will help so many realize they are already living a life of abundance, maybe not in terms of Madison Ave marketing or Wall Street, but in terms of a real life.  Not the fantasy that holds you bound to a life you don't want or need. 

Sustainability, upcycling, recycling, reusable, renewable... these are all things that have been around for a very long time.  How do you think feed sack material became a thing? I'm proud of my frugal ways, I am thankful for the abilities and inquisitiveness to keep finding more ways to do things. None of it is a gimmick or marketing slogan, even if the original line that goes through my mind all the time was. During my research I found that you can even do it with store bought bars of soap, if that is your thing. 

Well, it's time to get busy doing the things that create this life.  I have a few sewing projects to finish up on my to do list.... 

love, prayer and hope...

back to normal?

Hubs is upstairs showering and getting ready to return to work.  I've just finished my to do list and making plans for the day.  The pups are romping around in this sudden spring like weather, fueled by the unseasonable warmth.  It feels a lot like an every day normal kind of day. The routine being re-established and life getting ready to move forward in the ordinary kind of way. 

I've been struggling to maintain my routine while Hubs has been on vacation.  My life doesn't flow the way it used to when we both worked outside of the home, so when he wants me to sit and watch a show or do other things like that, it means my normal chores don't happen. I never thought I would feel "behind" at home.  Today, feels like a day to catch up, to complete the tasks and move things forward. 

This warm weather has me thinking about finally getting my door painted.  I've been putting it off for what feels like forever.  Not because I don't want to do it, but because with puppies, everything requires far more thought and planning. As the temperature will head firmly towards 70° I feel that I should probably get organized and start the year off solidly. The pups have mellowed so much and working on a project like painting the door should be a fairly easy task to complete without much interference.  

I am not someone that likes to alter or change my environment, once I have decided on how I want something to be, that tends to be it.  Yet there feels like there is something in the air that is drawing me make changes.  Things that I've accepted and felt okay with, no longer feel okay.  I want a cleaner, more streamlined environment.  I'm feeling a strong urge to be organized, no it has nothing to do with the fact that my daughter bought me the greatest labels for Christmas - maybe. 

All of my Christmas decorations are still up, I haven't felt the need to take them down, my plan is to do so on Saturday.  I want to pull all of my Christmas boxes out and finally clean them up.  So much clutter and "stuff" is stashed away it's time.  Every year Hubs and I talk about the need to take care of it, and every year we end up stuffing it away and saying we'll get to it in the spring or summer or... you see the trend right?

Last year would have been the first time I had the time to tackle it, but I was dealing with a new knee and two little puppies.  Neither of those situations encouraged the hours worth of time that I was going to need to spend. This year, it seems like the right time to tackle it. 

I guess I am as human as I fear, there are two times in the year when I feel absolutely driven for purging and changing things.  January and September, Spring is reserved for tackling my garden and outdoors.  But January and September are when I want to focus on the inside. 

Something about having a clean slate, washing away the clutter and debris that has been carried forward.  It feels rejuvenating.  I haven't put a lot of effort into quite a few things since Halloween.  I've focused more on the immediate, spending more time with family and engrossed in things that give instant satisfaction.  I gave myself permission to step back from a lot, and to just be in the moment.  

It's been fun, it's been healing.  I've allowed cobwebs to form in many areas, knowing I would deal with them in the new year.  Now that the new year has arrived, I feel ready.  I want to tackle the projects, I want to dive in head first.  I feel a need to actually mark things off of my to do list, not simply move them forward to the following week.  

It's time. 

As Hubs heads out to meet with folks and do the things, I will get busy. It felt good to work on my to do list today.  I felt complete.  The fact that I am sitting here typing, also feels full circle, I needed a break, I needed me time. Well, there are carrots to can, cranberry juice to make and a ton of other little jobs to accomplish today.  

It is definitely time.... 

love, prayers and hopes... 

Happy New Year!

Anyone else feeling like they blinked and 2022 was simply gone?  It sure felt like it flew past, we'd barely celebrated New Years Day 2022 and blink... It's already past New Years Day 2023.  We spent the evening outside around our fire laughing and talking, until we decided that 9 pm was definitely late enough for us. 

Last night we gathered with the girl and family and friends to simply enjoy one another, talk and laugh. 

This has been a strange, wonderful, emotional, happy, melancholy, busy, engaging and relaxing holiday week.  After the way Christmas eve started, I wasn't holding out much hope.  Yet, even though Hubs was a busy guy for Christmas eve, Christmas day and the day after, it slid back into a sense of normal.  We've spent time with lots of family, either in person or virtually.  

We loved on our puppies, who had a great Christmas holiday and are currently wrestling on the ground over the Christmas Carrots the girl gave them.  They are toys that surprisingly they both love.  We enjoyed watching them open their presents and laughed at them figuring out if they brought Mom the empty Kong's they suddenly got filled again. 

Somehow those sweet babies went from tiny little bundles of joy, to full grown snuggle bugs. In just a years time. 

 Today is the 8th day of Christmas, only 4 days left and then I will take down the tree.  Today, we will celebrate again with family.  It was supposed to be Christmas with the girl and her kiddo's, but in true family fashion, we decided to celebrate yesterday, today will be the extended version and we will all gather for a final Christmas dinner.  Both of our eldest girls, some friends and a final meal with the eldest grandson before he heads back south.  

Life has definitely had a unique flavor lately. 

I have to say this has been one of the greatest Christmases ever.  It was far more about gathering with family and friends than it was about how much everyone could manage to spend on things that none of us needed. 

The gifts have been full of practicality.  Things that have been wanted or needed.  Useful, with whimsy thrown in for good measure.  All of us exchanged things that were practical.  Nothing was shoved into a closet for lack of a place or need for it.  I almost refused to go anywhere on Christmas day, I was so snuggly in my new weighted blanket.  I have thought about getting one for literally years, had a million reasons not to. Fears that I would not like it, would be too warm, that it would be uncomfortable.  Thankfully, Hubs remembered that I have wanted one forever and didn't listen to my fears list. I am in love!

My youngest grandson absolutely wowed me with his gift.  The first he's ever personally bought me.  And that incredible young man bought me mason jars! How incredible and thoughtful is that?  He got his grandpa fishing lures complete with a promise to go fishing this year.  We gifted him his annual lasagna, he loves it and looks forward to a whole pan that belongs just to him. 

Before I go and make the the pies for dinner tonight, I wanted to take a moment.  I've been reading a bunch of things that people are sharing.  So many are filled with sadness and loss, reflecting on a very hard year for them and a struggle to look forward to 2023.  

Reflecting back, I can't say I share their feelings. Was it an easy year, absolutely not.  There have been so many struggles for so many, since 2020.  But it was a blessed year.  It was a year of wonder and grace.  I didn't love the cost increases, I wasn't a fan of the non-inflation (get real folks - we did learn basic math when we were in school), and my heart has hurt at some of things I have watched being pushed and happening. 

And then... Because the "and then" is the magical part.  Of course the world vision being forced on us has been hard, painful and uncomfortable.  Pretty sure that is the plan.  It's the other things that have been wonderful.  The growth, the learning, the bonding tighter with family and friends.  The worse the outside world feels, the better the inside world gets.  

I've eliminated a lot of unnecessary external things.  I focus on my Hubs, our kids and grands, our pups, our family and friends and God's hand and blessings in all of it.  We made unexpected trips for wonderful reasons.  Hubs made a quick trip down to Alabama to see his sister and surprise our great-nephew for his birthday.  Both of us and our pups decided to make a quick single day trip to Arkansas to celebrate the one year birthday of the littlest great nephew, that birthday was prayed so hard for.  

As we are eliminating the unnecessary, we are able to celebrate the important with greater joy and presence. I'm looking forward to 2023.  Do I believe it will be more of the same externally?  Absolutely!  In fact I think as long as we allow it to, this is a journey that will continue.  But as I bowed my head to thank God for all of the blessings of this past year, I felt a calmness, a drawing closer to what is truly important.  Hint... It can't be found in the world we occupy. 

I am looking forward to changes that I have been making for almost two years, growing by leaps and bounds.  I am embracing the unknown and taking back control. I am feeling far more confident, I can feel the power that comes from spending more and more time in God's word and understanding that we have had the power to change our lives all along. 

I'm taking a bit of time as this year starts to wrap up projects left over from 2022, to plan out my hopes and dreams for the coming year and to just relax.  I have big plans for this coming year.  So much is in progress. 

As I pray for the things being left behind in 2022, I choose to look forward to 2023 with hope, love, optimism, faith and joy.  Words have power, even the ones we speak to ourselves.  So I am choosing to speak the life I want into existence.  Here is to a powerful year!  Anyone else stepping into the power with me?