break time...

I needed to take a break, a few minutes to reset myself.  I've kind of cocooned myself inside while the storms have moved through these past few days.  Doing things that fill my soul and calm me inside, puttering through chores, doing a bit of cleaning and purging, working on quilts, reading, resting, snuggling pups, and the like. 

I'm taking advantage of the slight break in the weather and sitting in my beautiful garden.  The cooler trend of the weather has given my a chance for the tomatoes to ripen, the peppers are growing like crazy and the bean bed looks incredible.  All the beans I planted on Saturday have enjoyed the cooler temps and rain as they have all decided to sprout.  We'll see how many make it as the temps rise again next week. I will be harvesting pickling cukes again today.  Seems every time I blink there are more on the vine.  I am definitely pleasantly surprised. 

Tuesday was our nineteenth wedding anniversary.  It's strange, because if feels like far longer... but it also feels like only yesterday. We didn't really get to spend the day together at all, the storms on Tuesday morning caused massive floods here in the Lou and Hubs' spent 90% of his waking hours dealing with one of his buildings. It suffered quite a bit of damage. I started to be upset, but then I realized quite honestly, we don't need a special day to celebrate, we do a darn good job of doing that every day.   I'm blessed to be married to my best friend. 

Whatcha doing dad?  Got time for a snack break?

I spent some of that morning thinking about our wedding day.  How hot it was, we'd planned a float trip with the kiddo's, but weren't able to because the summer had been so hot and dry that the rivers were mostly empty.  Far too low to take a raft down.  Guess somethings rarely change. 

Guarding the stairs, no one passes

I was shocked at the flooding on Tuesday, until I remembered a few years back when the same areas flooded like crazy, almost just as quickly.  I remembered the pictures of cars floating and small creeks unable to contain the run off.  A few years ago, I spent hours with my peers out filling sandbags trying to stem the flow of water. And frankly, everyone got alerts in the middle of the night with plenty of time to choose to either remove themselves or belongings.  The places that got hit, are all in major flood plains with a very long history of flooding.  I was woken up at 2 am, 230 am and again at 3 am with alerts.  Before I had even gone to bed there were 3 warnings put out about flooding. 

When do we realize that the flooding is more "frequent" and "worse" because we have invaded the green space?  Because where grass used to grow to absorb the excess it is now blanketed in concrete, cement and blacktop?  Same thing with the higher temperatures.  Cities are always hotter, nature has been shoved aside. 

I've reached the point that I am not listening to anything the media has to say, I'm tired of hearing it's a 100 year flood.  The reason?  I'm not 100 years old, yet I remember all of these things happening in the almost 20 years I have lived here, multiple times.  Same levels, sometime worse.  I remember the cold in the winter and far worse winters.  I remember the heat of the summer, in fact I remember more than a few of them that were so brutal and ugly.  Just last summer at this time my sister and I took our grand babies to Grants Farm, we were both fairly certain we were going to die of heat stroke it was so unbelievably hot.  So nope.  I'm done.  I don't need an app or a weather forecaster to tell me what the weather outside is.  If I want to know, I will go outside.  But I am done with being lied to.  

My precious littles

Logical and critical thinking rules out all of the rhetoric and I am just tired of the insanity and manipulation.  I'm stepping back from my social media accounts, I'm stepping back from writing a bit.  I need time to step back from all of this stuff, I need a break from what I am watching, feeling and experiencing.  This world has far too many things going wonky on a speeding train and folks are too connected to the stories, they aren't using their brains.  They are accepting unconditionally.  For now... I simply need a break.  

Me and the girls

family gatherings....

I'm going to focus on my garden, my puppies, my family, and my hobbies.  I can't change the world around me, but I can change the world within me... 

love and prayers...

thinking out loud...

There is rain moving in. Or at least the promise of rain.  The air is thick with it, not humid, but heavy.  Like it wants to burst forth with life giving water and soothe the land.  It was supposed to start around 3 am, now it looks like it might come around 10 am.  Who knows if it will actually fall.  I didn't water the garden yet, just in case.  It's a beautiful 71° outside right now, so I'm not too worried.  

The pups are taking full advantage of the cool weather and running around like crazy.  Chasing leaves that are falling because of the heat, butterflies and imaginary sounds.  They have been at it for over an hour now, nap time is going to hit hard. They've only stopped for come inside for a quick drink of water and a touch of kibble. Playing in the cool weather is much more to their liking this morning, they have lots of stored up energy to burn off since yesterday was sort of blistery hot during the day. 

I was going to sit in the garden to write this morning, but it's a touch too noisy for me to be able to concentrate.  I guess one of the neighbors is having a deck built or repaired or something, and the crew working on it definitely got an early start.  Around 6:15 this morning you could hear the sounds of saws and various power tools.  I get it, I'm definitely not mad at them at all.  When it's as hot as it's been by mid-day, you are much smarter if you start early and break in the middle when the heat is high and uncompromising. 

When I lived in Crete, that is how life moved.  The days started super early, and slowed dramatically from around noon to three. During the heat of the day the shops closed, the men headed to the little cafe's and sat outside talking and playing games.  I don't remember what the women were doing, I just know that around 3 pm we would walk down the hill to the bakery and bought fresh bread for dinner most days.  I remember you could smell it baking throughout the village.  The men worked outdoors, they were farmers and fisherman primarily in the small village I lived in, they needed that moment in the shade.  They would get back to work in the late afternoon and work until evening when it became cool and welcoming once again. 

Hubs and I were drinking our coffee this morning and chatting about my inability to remember the day of the week.  He mentioned that he was a bit jealous of the fact, one bit of discussion led to another and had us wondering why the work day model was ever developed or accepted over all.  It's so unnatural. I work super hard, probably harder than I ever worked when I was employed in the traditional sense.  My days are often long and filled to capacity. I definitely do not follow the Monday - Friday grind.  I work when I have things to do. I rest when I am worn.  Sometimes that means I do absolutely nothing in the middle of the week, and sometimes I am busy as all get out the entire weekend long.  I think the reason that I don't remember the days is because Monday is no longer a day for me to dread and Friday is no longer a long awaited moment of release. 

They are now simply moments of time when the sun is up or down. Somehow we were all convinced to become slaves to a system that doesn't benefit us.  Our children have their natural sleep cycles disrupted to go to sit in schools for hours on end.  Not really learning how to think, it's more being taught what to think.  Long gone are the days where education was for their collective benefit.  They grow up being convinced that the only way to be successful in life is to trade off those five days a week in exchange for the two that you get to semi-claim as your own. And even those lines are becoming far more blurry than before. 

I saw a meme this morning that struck a serious nerve in my heart this morning.  It had a picture of chickens at the top and said "free range animals", at the bottom was a picture of a busy pedestrian street, packed solid with people that said "free range slaves".  Ironically, my daughter made a comment the other day that was basically along the same lines.

We've been so programmed to think of slavery in a single way that I fear we have over looked what is truly going on.  We punch time clocks and do what is required to earn dollars that are taxed at a ridiculously high rate and then we pay more taxes on everything we buy with those few remaining dollars. We end up trading our lives to support what is basically a slave system.  We don't benefit.  We toil. And thank the very people that enslave us.  We have slowly become people that have to be consumers because we have forgotten how to be our own creators.  It has been taken away from us. 

There was a time you built your own home, grew your own food, made your own household goods.  There was a time those skills existed for all of us, gratefully and willingly passed down to the generations that followed. You learned trades, you farmed the land, you might be a shop keeper, of even a healer.  But slowly the trades narrowed as we no longer made things, the farmers had to fight to stay a small farmer or else become part of the huge agricultural complex, those mom and pop shops got gobbled up and spit out by the mega shops that were buying cheap crap from other countries and selling it to us for even less. Finally, healers became part of big Pharma and stopped healing and started treating symptoms of the greater ill, because there is no money in healing. 

Slowly we became conditioned to march in lockstep.  To stop seeing what wasn't working and moving towards accepting it.  At least that is how it feels from my personal place in the world now.  When we don't do what is wanted, there are punishments.  Higher prices, lack of things we have forgotten how to make, things become unavailable or worse illegal, even being controlled by a credit score that impacts everything in your life.  We are forced into compliance, maybe without physical whips and chains.  But the punishments are there just the same. 

all the girls together

Last night we gathered with family and friends, we laughed, we talked, we had fun.  Most of us stayed up way past our bedtimes.  Today I am feeling the effects.  Today I am super weary.  I want to snuggle up with my pups and sleep for a few more hours, I'm tired.  Five hours of sleep was simply not enough. I won't take a nap, I would feel far too guilty if I did.  Knowing that my family and friends that gathered last night to celebrate are struggling through a day where they cannot rest, I'm still caught in that mindset.  If they can't, I won't. But it will definitely be a very early night tonight. 

I know I go down some strange paths... these are just my crazy thoughts and my questions... 

taking things slow...

Hubs is taking a much deserved mid-day nap, the pups are running in the backyard like their tails are on fire.  They've been inside for the past 2 hours, they have energy to burn. And I'm sitting here in the semi-darkness, enjoying the quiet. 

It's been a crazy busy morning since I climbed out of bed.  Hubs had the television going and the pups were full of energy.  It was a bit much for me, I like the silence.  I'm treasuring this moment in time. I spent the early part of the day cooking up a storm.  My girl decided that we should all get together this evening to celebrate mine and the oldest's birthdays.  They are actually almost two weeks away, but she will be out of town and wants to party early.  Works for us, any excuse to gather with each other is definitely ok. 

Everything is prepped and shortly we will gather to spend time with family and close friends this evening as the temps mellow out. I went with a middle eastern menu because my original plan of hot dogs was shot down cold.  Seems the girl had been dealing with kiddo's for 48 hours and she wanted something grown up. So we will have kabobs, a bulgur salad, a caprese salad, pita's and mixed olives and pickles. It just felt like a summery kind of meal.  Of course we will finish it off with lemon blueberry cheesecake (sugar free of course). It will be fun to simply relax with family and friends, enjoying the beautiful summer weather and the laughter of those we love. 

Kabobs are ready

As usual things didn't all get done like I planned this weekend and as I was upstairs getting ready a bit ago I was thinking about how I struggle to keep track of days anymore.  I used to be able to tell you the day of the week without a moment's hesitation, now... well... it's a good thing Hubs still has set days of the week to do things, because I would definitely forget without his schedule. 

I had to throw in a load of laundry, as the bottle of olive oil slightly exploded on me - suffice it to say the lid popped off, almost dropped it, ended up with it splashing my shirt, my hair and my face.  Thank goodness it's good for your hair and skin, even if getting it out is a challenge. Anyhow, as I was pondering if I should do laundry or not, I realized that I couldn't remember the actual day of the week, did Hubs need work clothes, or could it wait until tomorrow?  

It is such an odd sensation when you aren't really sure of days and times after living your entire life basically wrapped up in a schedule. It's incredibly liberating and calming.  I simply don't worry about things like that any longer.  

Dad... we'd like to talk to you about that
bite of bread, about sharing?  We'll wait.

Time feels irrelevant.  We are moving into the eighth month of the year very soon here, yet it feels like the year has just begun and at the same time, I can barely remember the beginning of the year.  I guess it happens as you get older, I don't know, but it is a gift that I enjoy very much.  

The tasks did not get completed, but life has been savored, so... I'm really okay with it. I've sat and spent time with Hubs.  Ran a few errands.  Chatted on the phone with folks and basically just enjoyed.  Hubs and I worked on our yard and our house, we played with our sweet pups, and relaxed while he watched television.  

Sometimes you need to step outside of the have to do's and simply exist.  It's wonderful.  

Hibiscus Okra getting
ready to bloom 

Today has been slow and beautiful.  I needed the stopping of the outside, I needed the simple. Maybe tomorrow I will step back into the world.  I do have things to do. For now... I'm going to sit here and enjoy this peaceful moment.  With pups asleep at my feet, the wind chimes playing their beautiful music and the silence surrounding me.  

love and prayers...

work arounds...

Today promises to be a serious scorcher.  Pretty sure that means I plan to stay inside and work on inside chores. I took the time this morning to sit outside, work in the garden and harvest a few fresh veggies. I only have one more set of plants to give a drink before the heat rolls in, but I have a couple of hours to do that. 

It's a normal late July day.  Same as it is every year, despite the warnings I am getting from the weather apps and the brilliant red and orange colors the news is using to portray the dangers.  It's normal.  And in my normal fashion it means I am going to finish up with some inside projects and wait for the evening to venture back outside. 

Last night I got a text from my girl, asking if we wanted to hang out.  Hubs had already wandered off to bed, and I wasn't too far behind him.  I don't often get to see the girls, we are all busy, so I headed down the hill.  Only to quickly return for my swimsuit as the youngest grand wanted someone to play in the pool with her.  She is such a snuggle bug and she loves to touch and play.  Her mom is not a snuggler, hasn't been since she was five years old.  So of course "Gram" was happy to oblige.  

Gram seems to be the name that she has given to me.  As she often resorts to it when talking to me.  Every now and then it is full out grandma, but mostly it's gram. And she says it with this old soul voice and smile on her face that simply melts my heart.  As my own Grammie would say, she is an "imp".  She is high spirited, very intelligent, full of non-stop energy and knows her own mind.  Often it is easy to forget that you are talking to a five year old. 

Even though the heat of the day had beat down on the pool and I expected a nice tepid bath, it was surprisingly pleasant.  She and I splashed and played as the sun went down, giving mom a break to sit in peace and relax.  And Gram got all the snuggles and splashes.  She asked that I start keeping my swimsuit in my car so that I can play with her all the time when I come over.  She really wanted to hang in the hot tub, but I need the air temperature a bit lower before I climb in there. 

It was the perfect way to end the day.  I enjoyed it so much.  Snuggling with the little, chatting with my girl, simply enjoying life. My grands are very "attached" to their mom, so I don't often get the opportunity to take them places alone.  This play time is truly the closest I can get to stealing them for a few hours.  My girl is the only stability they have in their life and they are both afraid they might lose it.  That happens when you experience a tragedy young.  I get it. I am more than happy to meet them where they are most comfortable. 

I waited a while with them to see if their "pet" raccoon would show up, but I am not so sure he is comfortable around me, when I finally headed up the hill at 1030 last night, he still hadn't stopped by for his dinner.  The girl and I are pretty sure he was sitting just outside of view, rubbing his little hands together waiting impatiently for me to leave. 

I had to run my car in to get the a/c checked yesterday and as the oldest works there, I was able to spend a short while visiting with her.  It was so wonderful, we haven't seen her in a bit, so it was great to catch up, evidently the guys hadn't told her I would be there, so I was able to sneak in and surprise her.  I'll get to see her Monday morning again when I drop off my car so they can take it to a bigger shop, the tweaks they did yesterday didn't fix this issue that the a/c only runs for about 30 minutes before it doesn't. Fingers crossed they get it fixed quickly. I'm so thankful I sprung for the big warranty package. 

If I could have seen the boy yesterday as well it would have been the perfect trifecta, but he lives too far away for that to happen just because.  

she got the coveted spot by mom

I'm not sure what the puppies are up to, but it sounds ominous.  They kill every stuffed toy they get and have been working their way through the toy box.  If it can be destroyed it must be destroyed and then they have to feud over the bits that remain, each looking for the noisiest part. Beau was just standing in the toy box picking another victim.  They definitely keep me on my toes.  So far the current toy appears to be intact, in fact it doesn't appear to be viable victim as he is once again rooting through their toy box. 

Well the quilting thread that I needed to finish the quilt I am working on was delivered yesterday, I have some sewing I want to get finished this morning, so I guess it is time to start the day.  I want to finish up these inside projects this weekend.  Hubs and I are going to watch a mini-series about the elusive D. B. Cooper, and it will give me time to do the handwork to complete a couple of projects. 

a bit of today's harvest

I hope you find things that will help you stay cool, during these warm days, and remember very soon we will be in the depth of winter again longing for the warmth of this moment.  

love and prayers...

I've got questions...

I've got some serious questions, ones that I have been stewing over for quite a long time.  How long have we been being conditioned to not speak to others?  How long have the seeds of distrust and fear been being sown?  

I know I have written my thoughts down about the fact that we no longer really have front porches, that we don't get to know our neighbors or even the neighborhood grocer, etc.  But lately it is becoming far more noticeable to me that the break down to our society in general is becoming even more fractured. 

Here's what I mean.  I am not someone that randomly strikes a conversation.  I will offer to help if it is noticeable that you need assistance, but to just speak, nah... that's not me.  It isn't something new, I have been this way my entire life. I offer smiles like they are free for the taking, but I am not usually going to speak. 

 Those few folks that became close friends when I was a kid and young adult, probably never even realized the struggle it was for me to open up enough to be friends.  Probably why I cherish all of my friendships so much, even ones from so long ago, the price paid was huge, they are and were worth the investment.  Besides, that is Hubs strength, he has never in his life met a stranger.  Although I am even starting to sense a hesitancy in him lately. A preference to text as opposed to calling someone, a less open way in communicating. 

I was at the grocery the other day, I'd found a great recipe for a grain-free, nut-free bread that I was dying to try and realized I'd used all my flax meal making puppy treats. As I wandered around I was just observing the state of the store, the things they were out of, and of course people watching.  The atmosphere wasn't intense and anxious so I just took a moment to stroll. 

As I was walking to my car when leaving, I see a woman loading her car, she looked anxious and intense.  I get it, I don't often like to be alone these days either and I live in what would be classified as a "safe" neighborhood.  I walked past with my single bag, enjoying the sunshine and I smiled at her.  I noticed that she slightly smiled back, but it didn't reach her eyes.  I also noticed that she had a box of mason jars on the bottom of her cart, I started to just walk on, but something encouraged me to turn around and speak.  

I'd seen the jars in the store also, but I didn't buy any.  They are priced obscenely high now, almost double other stores, something inside told me to tell her where I'd found them so much cheaper.  As I turned and said excuse me, the fear in her eyes was something you could feel.  I am not a threat to anyone, I'm a short, mostly out of shape, older lady (ouch that hurts) with a replaced knee - a toddler can out run me. I wasn't even wearing clothing that could have concealed a weapon.  But she looked afraid, instantly.  

When I mentioned the fact that I'd noticed her mason jars, the fear turned almost open hostility, with a sharp yes.  It wasn't until I said, I'd noticed them in the store too, but wanted to share with her that I'd found an abundance of them at the local hardware store significantly cheaper that she just as quickly became friendly, excited and open.  Her smile became genuine, she was grateful to know that and said she would head over there to look.  She thanked me profusely for telling her about it and we parted ways. 

Here's the thing, what caused that fear?  I live in a very diverse neighborhood, racially, ethnically, financially, gender, religious... you name it we probably have it covered.  I think it is one of the reasons I love where I live, it feels so much more like the diverse military communities that I grew up in, I personally feel safe and calm here. 

I thought about it fairly intensely the rest of the day.  Reflecting on my own trip to the grocery a few days before, I realize that she probably had several hundred dollars worth of groceries in her cart, was she afraid I would attempt to take them?  Was she personally reflecting on the extreme expense she'd just paid for that cart of groceries and pondering how she'd pay the rest of her bills for the month?  I feel you sister, I'd suffered the same shock myself. 

Is all of this just our own reflection of how we feel about things surrounding us? Are we assigning our own fears and comfort levels to others?  I'm not sure.  It lingered with me for most of yesterday, which might be why I felt a bit hyper aware of things I observed, yet it hit me again yesterday as I saw not one but two alerts to be aware of strangers at a local park. 

I'm not saying the person had a need to be fearful or not.  They might have been quite accurate in their assessment of the situation, or they might have been extreme.  I wasn't there, I have no way of knowing. Evidently their 15 year old daughter was running up and down a steep hill while training for something, an older man said hello and asked why she was running up and down the hill in that kind of heat.  That is the way the father of the girl shared the story.  Nothing seemed extreme about the conversation, nothing set off red flags or said to react in a protect manner from the dad's story.  Yet, 90% maybe more of the folks responded with call the police, he could be a pedophile, how could you let her run in the park alone, did she have mace or a weapon with her, you get the gist of the conversation. 

The dad said he confronted the man about speaking to his daughter and he got mad and didn't like be accused.  That made everyone more vigilante, of course he must be guilty if he got angry. Maybe he got mad because of how he was approached and the way the conversation went?  

Again, I don't know.  But more and more the only response I see to anyone speaking about anything unusual or strangers in the neighborhood is "call the police".  Maybe I'm too trusting, even if I don't speak to other's often.  Maybe I'm the foolish one, maybe it is years of working in a downtown community across the street from one of the largest homeless shelters around, but I think we are breaking as a society.  And once that happens what in the world do we become?

Humans are by nature "pack animals", very rarely do they successfully live with interaction with other humans.  If we become so afraid of one another, then what?

I don't have answers, I'd love to say I have a magic ball that allows me to see where we are heading at such a break neck speed.  But I don't.  

In the midst of all these thoughts I also remembered a conversation with my girl the other night.  We were at her house reminiscing about when she moved into the neighborhood, she and her realtor told outrageous tales to everyone that asked her about her life.  Each one got a different story, they had a blast!  Then slowly she got to know them and told them about the prank they'd played.  She had her reasons for wanting and needing privacy right then, but when the time was right she'd shared her truth. She has made amazing friendships in our neighborhood, she talks with everyone and is the life of the party.  This same child would sit under tables in grade school to avoid being noticed. 

I felt a touch guilty as she shared with me the close relationships she has with all of her neighbors.  I haven't put energy and effort into doing that myself.  I enjoy my peaceful time.  But maybe, just maybe it's time to stop being quite so secluded.  I know I have observed this many times before, I also know that I usually resort back to my little safe cocoon.  Who knows, maybe it is like when you buy a new kind of car and all the sudden they are literally everywhere.  Maybe the need to connect to people is becoming so great that it is showing up everywhere?

I don't have any answers to all of this, I don't have solutions or even ideas of how to more the pendulum the other direction.  I just feel deep in my soul that we are at a point where we have to do it, all of us.  If the shoe had been on the other foot at the grocery store how would I have responded?  If I encountered someone I didn't know at the park would it have been in fear?  I don't know, I don't have answers. Only questions. 

I think it's time to work on changing directions though....

love and peace...

enjoying summer...

It's a beautiful morning out here in the treetop garden.  The sun is gently topping the trees and there is a soft breeze. Most mornings are like this.  It's when I do most of my yard work and taking care of the garden.  I started to stay inside, simply because the recliner is far more comfortable than this patio chair, my desire for the garden won out.  I'd planned to mow bright and early this morning, but Hubs watered, so it isn't going to happen, that was going to be my early morning outdoors fix today. 

I should consider taking the pups for an excursion before it gets warm today. It's a typical late July day, warm.  Okay, it will be hot, but that is completely normal so...  I've never made a secret of my dislike for the heat, but my garden is loving it, so, complaints are not allowed. 

Hubs and I were invited to go boating with his boss and his wife yesterday evening.  It was absolutely wonderful.  I was a touch concerned when we first arrived at the temp was still hovering around 100°, I quickly discovered there was no need to be.  It was so beautiful out scooting along the water.  The wind and slight mist made it so comfortable.  It was breathtaking to drift along with the waves and current watching the sun dipping further and further into the horizon.  We all know I'm an absolute sucker for sunrises and sunsets. 

I am not usually a huge fan of boating, I have a few fears surrounding it that I absolutely do not understand as they seem baseless.  I also don't like water that I cannot see into.  And if you've ever been in the rivers and lakes up here, you will know that for the most part, you cannot see anything but a deep, murky brown.  We traveled along the Mississippi and Illinois rivers.  I'd never realized they flowed in and out of each other's spaces with simply some tiny islands in between them.  The river was super calm last night, so it was definitely peaceful and easy. 

The bluffs in the late afternoon were a vibrant white, almost shocking against the deep greens of the trees, it's such a different view than what you see driving along the Great River Road.  It's literally one of Hubs' favorite places in the world and I could see the work weariness of his soul lifting as we moved along the river.  

His boss shared that when he is on the water it is the only time he doesn't think about work all the time also. They seem to be cut from the same cloth.  Deeply conscientious of their duties, aware of the impact they make and dedicated to doing their very best. 

I was in a much different head space, I don't have work that wears on my soul now, I focus on things that calm and relax me, while benefitting my loved ones.  So for me it was simply a chance to explore an old space from a new perspective.  A chance to share gardening adventures and learn that I can use the mush left from making fruit jellies and jams to potentially make wine.  I have to say, that possibility intrigues me greatly.  Especially since I am going to pick blackberries again in another week. I can use the blackberry juice to make a naturally sweet syrup and then the pulp can become wine?  I mean... that intrigues me greatly.  

Especially as I now have a source for raw milk... wine and cheese just might actually become a thing for me this year.  Can you imagine sitting by the fire this winter sipping my own wine, eating cheese that I have made on crackers I made?  That sounds incredibly decadent to me and at the same time, so satisfying.  I love the feeling of making and doing for my family.  

Honestly, if I didn't love having my girls within walking distance, I am one of the folks that could move away from it all and learn to live much more sustainably on a small homestead.  But... Hubs and I aren't getting any younger and our girls are literally 10 minutes away. You simply cannot beat that. I will just keep working on my little suburban homestead, it won't be as productive, but it fills my heart and that's what matters.

We left the puppies home for the longest time solo and unkenneled.  I will admit to being super nervous. They did fantastic.  Nothing was chewed up, there was no destruction and no accidents happened either.  Short of them being super clingy and excited when we got home it was a great opportunity for them. My girl came over and let them out, in fact we got home while they were out back playing with them.  It's always awesome to see the girls so it ended up the perfect ending to an amazingly perfect day. 

Long ago Hubs started putting fans out on the deck, they provide movement to the air, but they also keep the flies and other small flying insects away. Ironically between the breeze and the fan I am slightly chilled this morning. I considered shutting the fan off, but I am definitely not a fan of flying bugs. In a few hours I am going to be thankful for this chill I am feeling now. It's funny the things we have always come up with to "beat the heat".  When my kids were young we spent as many hours as possible at a variety of water parks, usually enjoying ice creams and Popsicles.  

All too soon we will be through these few weeks and heading into the coldness of winter, at which point folks will start complaining about the cold.  Humans are odd.  The animals and critters of the earth don't complain, they simply adjust to what is going on around them.  Even the puppies do that.  They are only 8 months old, but they naturally know to stay on the shaded side of the yard in the afternoon heat. They might romp for a few moments in the sunshine, but they quickly retreat to the shade as they get warm.  A quick drink of water and you might find them lying in front of the fan, or stretched out on the bricks of the lower patio. They rarely come in completely over heated, and if they do, it's because there was a vicious game of chase going on that neither was willing to walk away from. At which point they enjoy a big bowl of ice chips. 

Ya know, I've got some canning I need to do, but I think I am going to grab my yarn and sit out here in the coolness a touch longer.  The chores can wait.  All too soon the temps will rise.  It's all about taking advantage of the moments and not complaining about the changes in plans.  Hubs is helping one of his teammates this morning in the coolness to sand and stain some furniture.  They started early to avoid the intensity that mid-day brings.  He'll be home for his lunch and to cool down.  I think I need to plan a nice cool refreshing lunch for him with lots of cold water.  So he will be ready to continue on with his day. 

Remember to make the most of the moments.  And simply plan your day around those pesky temperatures that signal to us that summer is here.  You will be mourning it all too soon, savor the moments!

love and prayers...

that is the question...

Yesterday's mini-tantrum is over.  I have found the best way for me to not feel overwhelmed is to simply get busy.  And busy I was, for the most part.  I also had some snuggle time with my baby boy to make up on and he made sure he got every minute he felt he was entitled to.  I guess he filled his snuggle bucket because he is now laying on the floor, not on me, chewing on one of their chew toys, quite content. Well, he was, until his sister sat up ripped it away and basically threw it, before returning to her bone.  She is a feisty one. 

Hubs and I got up early so we had time in the garden before the heat moved in.  I have never been a fan of mid-west heat/humidity.  This year is no exception.  But if you plan your day well, it is easy to work around. We watered the grass and all the gardens before the sun burst over the horizon, sat amongst the plants with our coffee and chatted while I gathered today's harvest.  

I love when mornings start like that.  I don't need my mornings to start off with the news, that's for sure. Why bother?  It isn't factual information and it's always doom and gloom and pushing us further and further into a sense of fear and hopelessness. I'm really getting worn out with all the news and articles about how it is so unbelievably hot, this is a "once in a lifetime" occurrence, etc. That's what they say when a bit of snow falls... guess what, I have pictures sent to me by my family of more snow falling here than I have ever seen from 1983, their car was completely buried.  Well, that was just a minute ago and I've now lived here almost 20 years straight and we barely get snow, and when we do, they make it into a big crisis.  Guess what, it's called weather and snow, sun, rain they happen. 

I know for a fact that it's been this hot many years in a row.  It's July in the mid-west, this is sadly normal.  Drink some extra water, expect your grass to turn brown and your leaves to fall.  It happens every year.  What doesn't happen every year is the rising rates on everything.  Causing folks to turn their a/c up, not being able to water the crops and farm animals, etc. 

I'm tired of folks not paying attention.  Really tired of it.  Stop being led by the nose and open your eyes and your own memory please!  For over two years it has been a solid exercise in manipulation and surprise, based on the number of masks I saw at the grocery yesterday - it's working fabulously on some of you. 

None of us are weak minded, not a single one.  It's just a matter of how much are you willing to be convinced of something.  It's like when you go to a hypnotist, some people simply can't be hypnotized and some... well humor can be had at their expense. 

I read several articles that the "president" (yeah, don't go there) may announce a climate emergency, for everyone clamoring for that to happen I sure hope you do a bit of homework about what that could lead to.  Did you learn anything from two weeks to flatten the curve?  Have you figured out yet that statistics can be manipulated to fit whatever story you want them to?  Do you understand the power that will give a very unscrupulous group, that have already proven they don't give a crap about us or this country?

but why? that is the question...

The issues facing our farmers are due to the restriction of supplies, i.e. fertilizers, feed, water (you think they are rationing now?). The weather didn't cause any of that, supplies are being limited intentionally.  Think toilet paper, do you really think the American people bought that much toilet paper?  Remarkable how much of it suddenly reappeared a few months later.  Now stores are bulging at the seams with the stuff. Limiting supplies and non-stop news stories created that panic. They are doing the same thing now. 

I personally have never wanted to live in a country that is controlled by politicians and power hungry thieves. I have lived in socialist countries before and can honestly state, not impressed.  Communist countries have never even remotely been on my list. Yet, I fear that is where we are headed.  Because it appears that we have become complacent and easily manipulated.  We believe what is being force fed to us, instead of what we see with our own eyes. It's so very sad.  We are being destroyed and yet many just go along with the narratives presented.  Blind to what they know is truth. 

Yesterday, I saw a news article with a couple of congress women being "led" away from a protest.  Both of them pretended to have their hands cuffed behind their backs as they were led away.  Strange how those handcuffs work, because I watched both of them raise a fist in solidarity with their fellow protesters and then lower their arms to appear handcuffed again.  I've never been handcuffed, but I am fairly certain that is a physical impossibility.  So why the game?  Why try to appear handcuffed?  What was the value in the lie.  

I don't like lies.  I struggle hard with liars, in fact in my world it is one of the worst things a person can do.  Maybe that is why I am struggling hard with everything that is going on, it sends my b.s. meter off the charts. Don't lie, don't deceive, don't manipulate.  None of these things works for me, and yet watching folks it appears many are easily swayed. 

If you really want to understand what is going on with our weather, look at the past, it always proves the future, it's cyclical. It's happened before, it will happen again.  I'd worry more about the freedoms we are giving up to a false story.  There is bad stuff happening, but I don't believe our precious earth is the cause. Neither is the sun (despite the tales you are being told) we are in a solar minimum and have been for several years already, it won't end until 2030 (isn't that ironic). This means less sunspots and solar flares, although if you listen to the news there is a new solar flare getting ready to hit the earth almost daily.  But hey, people don't take the time to do any sort of research anymore, so I'm not surprised that they are believing the rhetoric. 

I'm going to keep questioning everything, I'm going to keep looking for real answers not manufactured for the moment ones.  I am going to keep taking care of my family and being the best I can be. I don't know what your plans are, I have no idea if you believe the fairy tales being told.  But... 

If I offended you, sorry.  Seems folks spend way too much time in their feelings these days.  I'm not there any longer.  

love and prayers... it's all we have left...

wearing me down...

It is eerily quiet outside this morning, to the point that I simply came inside with the pups.  I didn't sleep well last night, I'm not sure why, I was definitely exhausted. Just a sense of angst and foreboding.  struggled to fall asleep and I've now been awake for about an hour and a half.   I guess it is going to be a long day. 

Yesterday there were moments of insect buzzes that filled the air to the point of being heard inside.  This morning it is dead silence.  It's strange.  I sat out there for about thirty minutes, it's super dark and super silent.  No sounds from the roads or even the normal train.  No birds (it's too early), but none of the nocturnal insects or critters either.  I guess the world is also in a strange moment.  

I don't like to simply lie in bed when I wake up and can't sleep, to me it just causes more anxiety, I figure I woke up early for a reason.  Or all of it could simply be that I didn't get everything finished that I was hoping to yesterday.  

There wasn't much time for rest or playing with puppies yesterday, trust me Beau let me know I was falling down on my puppy pillow duties and he wasn't happy.  He definitely feels he needs at least 18 hours a day of mommy time.  My sweet 60 pound lapdog. He had to resort to sitting with Daddy yesterday and he let me know it was not acceptable. 

I think all of the chaos in the world is starting to wear at my heart.  There is just so much going on and most of it doesn't feel good.  It's almost like the feelings caused by 9/11, I long to pull my babies close and hold on tight.  Knowing full well they are grown adults that have their own families to protect.  

Every time I blink, there is simply more evil in this world.  I strongly feel that each of us made a choice to be here at this time, there is a reason.  I just find myself questioning it all. 

A couple of days ago several folks started sharing information about a pet medicine that was causing dogs to start having massive seizures and dying.  One of the brands is the one we were convinced by the vet to use for the babies.  The last time I gave it to them, I noticed that they shouldn't have had it prior to 6 months old.  The vet started giving it to them when they were only 12 weeks old. This morning, I see another article, this one saying the FDA knows about it, yet still approved it. 

I can tell you my puppies will never get it again.  Truthfully, I will gladly throw away the almost $300 of medications. My boys did not receive any shots or medications once they came to me, they lived very long and healthy lives.  My gut is telling me to really question everything.  I am ordering some essential oil based treatments to protect my babies.  I am not using anything else. 

I am struggling with so much of the insanity going on now.  I am tired of the stories we are being told.  I am tired of feeling like the world is against most of it's occupants.  It's okay to get oil from other countries at stupid prices, but it isn't okay to drill for oil here in our country.  The weather is damaging crops globally, although it feels far too convenient and planned. I read devastating news for Germany yesterday, and the fact that due to games being played by governments the people may suffer even more this winter with a lack of heating oil.  

I don't understand this lack based mentality that is being put out non-stop in the world.  Why are we not coming at things from a solution based mentality?  Why does it feel that everywhere I turn people are giving up and accepting things that they know aren't right, because it is the easier path?

As you can tell, the sense of unease is strong today.  I am going to stop writing and get busy doing the things.

love and peace...

much to do...

Hello Monday morning!  I know I will lose track of the days before long this week, but I always recognize you.  Hubs was rushing around to get to his meeting, so it signals the end of the long lazy days of the weekend.  Well, slower days, maybe not lazy. 

Anyone else get rain?  Lots of rain yesterday?  We did, it was such a blessing.  The only plant I need to water is the pickling cukes, their pot is shoved a bit under the eaves and they don't benefit as much from the rain, unless it is a brutal storm.  It was so calming and peaceful to listen to the rain falling. I spent the day leisurely working on processing all the yummy goodness from the market.  At a nice slow, relaxing speed. It was wonderful.  

I could have probably gotten more done, but honestly, I was enjoying the pace.  Hubs was watching a movie yesterday morning, I wasn't overly interested, but enough that it was a nice distraction, so I pulled out the bag of purple hulled peas and started shucking while watching it with him.  It was definitely an interesting task to the pups, as they kept trying to help. 

There are two different kinds of pickles aging for the littlest grand to pick from, plus a few bread and butter pickles for the Hubs.  I harvested all of the jalapeno's that were ripe and ready to use and now have 7 pints of them.  It was a very productive day as I walked in and out of the rain harvesting the goodies I'm growing. 

I have a huge roaster of tomatoes simmering right now, in just a bit I will start doing the final things to make it into a rich, thick tomato sauce.  This batch is for my friends, they both work far too many hours to have time, so we worked a barter and I am almost finished. I love doing the creating and canning and they get to enjoy the fresh tastes, seems like a win/win to me.  After completing both of our batches of tomato sauce, I am going to get busy with the blackberry jam and other things on my wish list. 

My girls finally tried their burrito in a jar, I think the greatest compliment ever was when the oldest grand told me she didn't know what it was that she was eating, but "you made it and it's delicious".  Told my daughter that I would get more of it made up.  It's perfect for when you want a great dinner and don't want to cook. I get it. 

Last night Hubs and I went to the grocery store.  We didn't have a huge list, just a few things that I haven't gotten around to doing for us, or that I am unable to do for us.  We used one of those little carts, ya know the smaller ones that hold next to nothing?  I have to admit that I almost fainted when the bill came out to $429.  We didn't buy any junk - ok maybe one guilty pleasure Coke Zero (definitely not healthy, but it makes a mean Jack and Coke for "those days") but that was $12, about $120 of it was a combination of things for the pups and non-grocery items.  The rest was food items.  Dried beans, nuts, some meats, cheeses, eggs, etc... I didn't buy any thing processed, no sugars or flours.  Although the prices on some of those items was making me ill. 

This backed right up against the email from Ameren telling me that even though I am keeping the temperature higher and we are unplugging or turning off lights like crazy... my bill was a full $100 more for the month of July than it was a year ago.  Even though temperatures were similar, I was not being cautious with cooling - yes that thermostat was set at 67° all summer long.  And we were not even remotely being cautious.  

Those two things together, really struck me hard in the common sense department. When are we going to wake up and realize something is very, very wrong in this country? Heck on a global scale? I took a picture of the cart and showed it to my daughter, asking her how much she thought that had cost.  She guessed about $600, based on her last grocery shopping trip. 

How is that even normal?  How is that even truly a thing, that folks are forking out hundred's more in grocery bills than just a year ago?  How high is it okay to go? Hubs has a steak/burger seasoning that he is nuts about.  When I first bought it for him, it was $5 for a 5 oz jar.  Last night, the same seasoning was $9.99 on sale.  The jar isn't any bigger.  We bought it, but I am going to work on replicating it or coming up with something better.  It was insane.  I'm not so sure I am even remotely buying the 9.1% inflation.  

I truly understand that most folks don't have time to do some of the things that I spend my time doing.  Hubs and I have looked at things very critically from a financial aspect.  He is forever reminding me that the things I am enjoying doing, are actually allowing us to live more comfortably than we lived when I worked a stupid amount of hours per week. I wonder if other families are discovering that also?  Is that one of the reasons that there is a shortage of workers?  

I mean if even one parent per household chose to stay home and not reengage in the work place.  Think about their savings, and I am basing it off of our experience. If they have young kids, there goes a huge expense when you are no longer paying child care, we don't so that wasn't an issue. I know what my daughter pays for part time child care and it is insane, I never made that much money a week per child when I ran my own daycare.  

Add into that the fact that most people do not live within walking, or even biking distance, from their place of employment.  Yes, I know gas is down about seventy cents a gallon, but I truly do not believe that will last based on comments from our global leaders. I do know that filling up a vehicle for Hubs to go to work and run all over for work, is costing us a much larger percentage of our disposable income.  I can't image paying to fill two vehicles weekly. 

Next consider things like work clothing and necessities.  Before moving on to food.  I know when I worked full time, we spent a great deal of time eating out.  It was a method of self-defense, as well as self-destruction.  Our entire country is wrapped up in the grip of it, at least for now.  I was too worn out before to want to come home and cook.  It was already stupid high for two of us over a year ago, I can't even imagine what it would be to feed a family like that today.  We joined friends for a dinner out last week, I couldn't believe that the meal with tip was over $60.  It wasn't even a fancy restaurant, just our favorite little hole in the wall Mexican place. 

I know I am off on a tangent, or maybe a rant here.  But I really feel we need to start paying attention.  Everything is going up except wages.  Folks are asking for more and more in the way of salaries when looking for jobs, because they realize the money they were making isn't cutting it.  

Driving through our neighborhood yesterday we were shocked to see two houses still on the market.  We live in subdivision where houses are usually sold before the for sale sign goes up, so having two of the smaller ones (usually bought up the fastest) still on the market over a month later is shocking.  Now I don't know what they are asking for them, I haven't checked.  I mean the fact that one of the small ones on the corner traditionally a $180k - $250k house sold for at least $380k a few months back makes me wonder if they aren't priced the same.  I don't know.  What I do know, is two beautiful little homes are sitting empty over a month later. Definitely an interesting sign of the times. 

I can't change any of it, well at least on a global or even local scale.  I can work to minimize it's impact on Hubs and I.  I can help my girls.  I can take care of the resources we have and put them to the best use possible. Other than that... I can pray and hope the impact of this insanity doesn't destroy too many people and families that aren't paying attention yet.  

I feel there is an ominous cloud out there... and I don't think it is going to get better overnight.  But I am praying that I am wrong.... 

Well, my little suburban homestead is reminding me that it needs care and attention.  The laundry is calling out for attention, the harvested items need putting up and many day to day things need my attention.  Hopefully, I will find out when the thread will arrive to finish the quilt that is on my long arm and I have several sewing projects to complete this week.  Much to do, time to get cracking... 

love and prayers for all....

growth...

Whew, yesterday was a warm one.  There was storm front pushing our direction, so even though it was probably one of the hottest summer days we've had so far we made the most of it. Because all things change and we knew that today would bring cooler temperatures and rain. 

I didn't write yesterday because Hubs and I got up early, took the pups and headed out.  We have come to love our excursions to that small bit between Farmington and Fredericktown.  Our first stop was at the berry picking farm.  Last day for blueberries, I didn't pick any, we have a lot of blueberries tucked away, although I thought about it. I didn't make many batches for blueberry syrup and that stuff is amazing on waffles.  I was simply far too over heated by the time I finished picking blackberries.  

It was opening day for them, and as I worked among the vines I was suddenly in the pacific northwest.  I have great memories of picking tons of blackberries with my kiddos' back then, making jams and enjoying watching their faces as they ate it on fresh baked bread.  Nothing better.   We used to spend hours picking them through the sharp thorns of the wild bushes on the land that my landlady and her brother let us harvest from.  There was never a shortage for everything from munching on them to making jams, pies and other treats. 

Yesterday it was just me, my kiddo's are grown and Hubs takes the pups on an adventure while I pick berries.  For an hour I walked through all of the brambles, disturbing birds and bees as they swarmed around me, interested but not bothering me.  I hope I didn't disturb any snakes, thankfully none were spotted.  The only difference was these are thornless so the pain factor was significantly less. 

As I wandered, looking high and low for beautiful ripe blackberries (it is actually a touch early for them to open it for picking as they were very hard to find), I had time to be lost in memories, thoughts, hopes and dreams.  That quiet time is priceless.  

There were other folks that had gotten there early to beat the summer heat also, and two teenage girls had me laughing for a good part of the time.  They were animated and lively.  They squealed at the various bugs and shared horror stories of spiders, which both of them seemed terrified of.  What impressed me the most was that mixed in with all of the normal teenage chatter, they talked about how much they are working currently.  The long hours, few days off, etc and how both of them were thankful to have that morning to pick berries.  It was only 730 am on a Saturday morning and they were out there searching for blackberries.  The one girl was talking about how her granny was going to teach her to make her favorite jam so she needed to be sure she gathered enough, it was her only day off of work that week, and she didn't want to waste it. 

I think a lot of times we give up on our youth.  Write them off as being lazy and unmotivated.  Listening to those young girls as I was picking, filled my heart to the brim with joy and hope for our future.  I firmly believe that if you teach children to do and be they will.  They are such little sponges and they long to soak up information and to learn things of value to them.  

I often speak about the way my daughter raises her beautiful children.  There are times I cringe, because I was taught differently, but I stay quiet and watch in amazement.   Her way of raising them is best described as free range by today's standards.  My niece raises her boys much the same way.  

But here's the thing.  They are all turning out to be amazing, wonderful, empathetic, skilled, engaged and loving humans.  It's a beautiful thing to witness.  

My girl had a run in with a wasp on Friday, needless to say it is bad.  Her entire hand and a large amount of her forearm are horribly swollen and painful.  Her beautiful girls jumped right in to take care of her.  The five year old looked up the kind of wasp, got her ice and pampered mom. The fifteen year old, almost 16, took the mature lead of being the one that mom could rant and rave to while in a mix of pain and terrible frustration.  She values her time with her kids and doing the things on her list... this definitely slowed down the doing and she lost time because she fell asleep.  

My daughter shared with me, that she and big sis had thought the little one was making up the type of wasp it was, until they verified it for themselves.  I mean she just turned 5 at the end of February. 

my wild child feeding her friend a slice of pizza

Her kids are definitely free spirits, with a strong sense of self.  My friend and I had lunch with my girl and the little yesterday.  She doesn't often ask and I always want to grab those moments when they arise.  When they came by the house to talk about where we wanted to go, the little decided to check out the garden.  She was amazed at all the tomatoes.  She is a tomato fiend, and definitely was in heaven to see that Gram had lots of bright red ones ready for picking.  She asked me to pick the ones out of her reach and as she stood their eating it like it was a apple we were discussing the huge assortment of tomatoes I was growing and how she would like to grow more next year.  She is also a huge fan of pickles, so the pickling cukes that are growing up the wall had her equally amazed.  

She ate most of the pickles that I had ready, and I promised her that today I would make her another batch, just for her.  She wasn't happy with the fact that she will have to wait two weeks to eat them, but... she is excited and wants to know how I learned to make them. Maybe before the summer is over I will let her help me make a batch of pickles, so she can learn.

She told me she might need to add those to her garden.  She created it in her mom's flower garden, as she told her mom, she needed to grow her food. She has all the things she likes to eat growing around the backyard.  Last night she took me on a tour of her garden, showing me the tomatoes, watermelons, green beans and the peppers.  She's already picked all of her blueberries. 

As we sat at lunch this precocious five year old shared with us that she is making lots of money, she loves money and rushes to beat all of her siblings to the chore lists so that she gets the cash.  They are going on vacation soon and she wants to be sure she has lots of money saved up so she can "do the things".  I almost cracked up.  It felt like we were talking to a peer not a young child. 

Hubs and I bought lots of produce at the Amish market yesterday.  Even getting a few things like "horticultural beans" that I had no idea what they were, but I was game to try something new.  I will be canning like crazy the next few days.  My friend spent the afternoon helping me shuck beans, they were so very beautiful.  Nothing beats spending time with friends and talking.  I feel like I completely understand how folks used to gather to make quick work of big chores back in the day.  

As we worked through the beautiful colored beans we spent time chatting about important things, trivial things and guessing what color beans each pod would reveal.  It was so relaxing and rewarding all at the same time.  I'd never encountered "horticultural beans before so needless to say I had no idea what the end result was going to be.  As my friend said last night when I sent her the picture of the finished beans, "turned to normal looking beans".  Yup, they sure did.  They were beautiful pinks, creams and greens before canning.  Afterwards, they were simply a normal beige color.  I think we will try a can this afternoon for dinner.  I want to know what they taste like.  It was such fun experiment and exploration into something previously unknown. Who knows, we might hate them.  Or we might have just found a new favorite.  I saved a handful of the beans to dry out so that I can grow them if we fall in love... 

I need to get with it, like I said, I have a lot of canning to do and this rainy day is perfect for getting my chores caught up.... I hope everyone that is getting a rainy day loves it and finds much to celebrate, seems the entire planet needs more of it. And I hope you are surrounded by people that are energetic and focused on their goals. I'm focused on mine....

love and peace...