moving forward...

So very much has changed in a month.  

As I am sitting here snug in my pajama's listening to the wind chimes echoing throughout the house I can't believe it is already fall, already October.  I woke up this morning to a frost warning on my phone and a house that was all of 62 degrees. Even I agree that is too chilly and was thankful for Hubs turning on the heat.  

So many things are not even slightly the same as they were a month ago.  It feels like we are on this weird roller coaster.  And frankly the loops are intense!  Losing our last fur baby last month ripped our hearts in two.  We have long agreed that for now, there will be no more fuzzy faces to cherish. Our lives are simply too chaotic and we want time for us.  

The hours a day that were spent caring for our precious senior boy have given way to slower mornings, lingering over coffee on the deck, chatting and relaxing. We are still learning how to do this without looking for him, without turning back before we leave for the day for one more fuzzy cuddle.  We are healing. 

Slowly we are fixing or changing things that had to wait until we had no pets.  Yesterday found me painting a wall that was splashed and damaged from all of the fur babies brushing up against it, slobber and lord know how else they did it. Now that the room is torn apart, today is likely going to find us finally ripping out that carpeting.  WHO, I mean seriously WHO thinks carpeting in a dining room, when every other room is hard flooring, is a good idea?  I am seriously asking this question.  And cream colored at that... I am pretty positive we have decided on the floor and will head out shortly to pick it up and to dive in.  It won't take long, it's only a 10 x 12ish space.  The bay window will take the longest.  That and moving that darn china hutch that I love so much. 

My girl sent me the name of a guy to finally refinish the wood floors.  We've patiently waited, no need to do it when those strong nails were only going to scratch them again. I will probably reach out this week to at least try and get a bid.  We could do it ourselves, neither of us has any desire to do so. 

Our world has been upside down. 

We've run away - truly the only way I could think of to deal with the heartbreak of the last baby crossing the bridge.  Loaded up the car and took off. Finding solace in the journey and experience of no responsibility except to ourselves.  We've never experienced that together. A few short hours away (although we managed to make it an almost 8 hour trip) we arrived at a beautiful B&B on Lake Barkley.  No kids, no pets, just us. It was a stormy beautiful weekend, complete with moments bathed in pure sunshine.   

Last minute trips to Arkansas have happened. Just to finally see the family and spend some hours visiting. (Yikes... is my hair really starting to be "that" light?)

And true to form 2020 has been the year of changes, the changes in our personal life have been incredible, unnerving and shocking at times and life altering in many ways.  We are still navigating these changes.  I have to say I am so blessed to be married to this wonderful man.  Together nothing is impossible.  The only bitter part of the past month was our Neeko passing.  Although I wonder if the rest of the changes and new journeys had to wait until that time. 

Work is an ever changing jumble also.  People are in such a struggle place right now, that each day brings another challenge to navigate.  There were other big changes, I know they were for the greater good and had to happen, yet the pain I feel at the separation of the diva's and our leader is a bit more sharp that I thought.  And each day closer to the inevitable ending it feels sharper. I'm not sure I was ready to navigate this many professional changes after the year that it has been. 

We are trying to focus on time.  On us. On being connected with family, friends and each other. Dinner's with kiddo's, laughter at grands.  Although there are holes.  We miss the boy, he is so far away.  I simply would do anything to bring him home for even a weekend, now simply isn't a good time. 

This healing process is unique, different than ever before.  

It's time to finish weekend chores, consider making breakfast (of some sort), start a big pot of veggie stew - the weather is perfect for it. I have a few veggies still in the tree-house garden that need harvested, then finally get ready to finish that dining room. 

I've missed writing.  I had to finish the one I posted a short bit ago.  I had to finish, before I could start again. I'll see you around...