some days...

Yesterday's rainy weather got lost, it showed up in the wee hours this morning.  It definitely looks far more deary than it actually is. We could have used the actual rain yesterday, this frozen mixture is doing very little for the parched ground. As I sit here and watch the snowflakes falling a mix of huge and tiny, I am now wondering how much of it is going to stick. We were told none, as I watch the decks, grass, trees and everything else slowly turning a beautiful white, the flakes are now large and fluffy. I'm over winter, I'm tired of being teased by those random beautiful days that beacon us to put away the sweaters and sit outside to bask in the brightness of the sun. 

I'm ready for the rebirth.  That beautiful shade of green that burst forth as the seasons officially change, is something I am longing to see. 

This blog was interrupted by Beau's desire to go for a walk. Thankfully the snow isn't sticking, to any degree, it will all melt away quickly, although it is stupid cold out there.  This time of year makes me absolutely crazy, Sunday we were at the park having a picnic.  Today, the pups and I were the only ones crazy enough to be out.  They have a fenced yard, so I am not sure what the desire for a walk was, I just know he wasn't going to lay down and chill until he walked. 

I'm sitting here until we go for a walk

I was in a strange space yesterday, I didn't realize the date until late in the evening when one of my sisters posted the last picture of our entire family together.  It was 7 years since that early morning call. The one I had been expecting, never wanting to receive. I had errands to run, so I hadn't really created a solid plan for the day.  So I was basically filling in the times between things.  

Hub's truck needed to go to the shop.  I'd finally hit the point that I was not willing to allow it to go anywhere until it was looked at.  My worrywart side had come to the conclusion that the noise we'd been hearing for months was no longer something minor, that it was growing to the point of being crazy expensive (I mean what isn't these days).  Ends up fairly minor, whew, but they couldn't tell us how long they would need the truck to be onsite.  Oddly, I rarely if ever go anywhere and don't truly need a car, but it feels strange to not have one.  I often ponder how we got to the mindset that we needed things like multiple cars.  Realistically, our family doesn't need two cars, I seriously hardly leave the house.  Yet, it feels weird.  

Later Hubs and I decided to skip dinner time and catch a movie.  Gotta say, I was seriously not excited about his choice in movies.  I am not a movie person, I don't sit still well, so a movie date means I am going to have to be still. The people sitting beside me would definitely frown if I  started breaking out yarn and a crochet hook. It seemed important to him.  So we went.

"My Dead Friend Zoe" is not a title I would have expected from Hubs.  Honestly, expected a horror movie with that title, and he never chooses those. It is a beautiful, haunting, sad and hopeful story.  I personally hope every person in the country goes to see it. 

Hubs occasionally battles PTSD, any veteran that has served in combat is bound to experience it from time to time.  Although it is not exclusive to veterans, they suffer in the greatest numbers.  This story is about a veteran, it's about the process of dealing with those terrible things that linger and eat into the very essence of their lives.  I was not about to let him go see that kind of movie alone.  

If you have a chance to go see it, please do.  Our veterans have done an amazing service for all of us.  Understanding the battles they will always face is the least we can do for them. 

As I filled the hours in between the things, I decided to work on things that will fill my booth at the craft show at the end of the month. I mean, why not be productive with ones time.

I'm enjoying making these a bit 
too much

Through it all, I couldn't shake the disconnected feeling of the day.  It felt off.  I felt like there was something I was supposed to do, yet couldn't recall what it was. As the day unwound, and I saw the picture my sister posted, it felt like everything clicked into place.  I love and hate that picture at the same time.  I cherish that we were all together before the domino's started to fall, my heart hurts to remember that was the final smile I saw. The remaining time was hard, for all of us, the remaining time was bitter. 

us

I don't visit the past much.  Which is ironic given that I live a simpler life more common in the past.  I sometimes think it is because I am not strong enough to deal with what is back there.  I never linger over pictures of loved ones gone on, I get fussy when Hubs wants to show me pictures and video's of my fur babies that are gone.  It isn't something I can do.  I am horrible with remembering dates connected to those memories.  Maybe it is a flaw in my make up or maybe it is a protective mechanism.  It doesn't diminish the love I carry, it just softens the ache. 

Today is a different day, today as the winds race around and the cold permeates everything while winter struggles to hold on for another little bit, I am more centered.  Today, I can think, I don't feel disconnected.  Today is a day for daydreaming, planning and moving forward. 

What does that look like?  Outside of the garden planning, there are other things I am longing to do. I am just trying to discover what that path forward looks like.  I am finally ready to start dusting off day dreams and giving them life.  Hubs and I have long talked about my teaching basic sewing and quilting skills to people that want to learn.  

Gertrude, my 301a

I am passionate about my vintage/antique machines and would love to share that passion with others.  I'm not sure what forward looks like, but I do believe that if folks are interested, I am going to teach on those machines.  

Not everyone has a vintage Singer 221 (featherweight) I am blessed to have several, and my Singer 301a is an absolute dream to sew on.  I also have a Singer 99k and several 15's and 128's to name a few.  The simplicity and ease makes sewing on them a pure joy.  I wish I had been blessed to have one when I was learning. I also have the ability to work on all of those machines and I can teach others to take care of their own.  Like I said, there are dreams dancing in my heart and head, I think they are just about ready to become real...

time to stop daydreaming and get busy

But not if I spend all my time sitting here writing, rewriting and day dreaming.  I want to go get a loaf of bread started and then I need to get busy.  A cold, dreary day calls for something warm don't you think?

peace and love my friends...

a simpler life...

I walked out on the deck a few moments ago to see if it was warming up and to check on my big boy, as a neighbor had just posted of video of a rather large coyote wandering in the common ground area.  A bit from my house, but close enough to be concerning.  I'm sure if I'd have been outside at the same time I would have caught a glimpse as there trees are completely bare this time of year. Not only was he perfectly safe, he was in his favorite morning spot. 

Just a short while ago, Beau had been voicing his displeasure at being inside when the sun was so obviously shining outside and he needed to start on his sunbathing.  He's a crazy boy, sun out, Beau out.  Seems to be his philosophy on life.  Belle, is a touch fussier, she requires at least the high sixties before she wants to be outside, Beau will stretch out on the snow if it means some sunshine on his body.  

My sweet girl is inside basking.  She lacks his double coat and the cold temps are simply not her thing... Florida anyone? Or at least her warm sweater. 

I figured as long as I was out there checking in and waiting on the tea kettle to boil, I'd check on the soil in the beds.  Last week they were still a block of frozen dirt, so I wasn't holding out much hope.  Even though the weather forecast is warming and only moderately cold nights, almost perfect for radishes, spring lettuce and sweet peas, I still was not holding my breath. 

I am happy to say, they are thawed!  As our spring weather and temperatures have been very short lived and fickle the past few years, I am hesitant to give my cooler temperature loving plants a go.  But, ya know... I have a bunch of seeds that I harvested last year, so why not try? In a short bit I am heading out to plant up a few boxes.  Maybe we will harvest before the heat of summer arrives in a blistering rush causing all of them to suddenly bolt and before any late season hail storms come thrashing through like last year. 

Hubs and I had such wonderful weekend.  You would think with our rushed trip south it would have felt a bit frazzled.  Instead it felt relaxing.  We both felt like our buckets were filled.  Yesterday we spent time driving back to Illinois, yup the roads are still the worst we've driven on, to visit his Mom and Dad's grave sites.  We ended up picking up a a picnic and enjoying it at one of our favorite parks we used to take the kids to when they were young.

Of course we know they aren't there, we also knew that we were doing it for us.  Yesterday was his Mom's 102nd birthday, as I said.  Tomorrow is his Dad's 122nd, not sure he will be able to get over there tomorrow, as it's a work day and he always has a lot going on at the beginning of month.  It's also, the seventh anniversary of Dad's passing.  I cannot believe it has been so very long.  Some days it feels like yesterday, others it feels like a different lifetime. 

Strangely, I feel that anniversary has more to do with my quest for a simpler life than most anything else.  I've always craved the life we strive to live now, but I was always so wrapped up in the norms, the quest for more without really understanding what "more" truly was.  In Dad's final year, months, days I wanted to be there so much more.  I wanted the time that can never be replaced.  But I wasn't living a life that allowed that. 

I was caught up in a career that demanded long hours, in a place and time that required my own wants, needs and life to take a permanent back seat.  I thought it was normal, assumed that was simply "how life was". Honestly, it was the world my Dad kind of pushed us to think was normal, the kind he approved of.  As a result, I only spent that last bit of time with him via messenger and text messages.  I lost things that cannot ever be replaced. I wasn't there to support my mom and sisters, I wasn't there to sit with him.  I lost those chances forever.  They cannot be replaced. 

I also realized at that time that I was losing more than just that. The quest for "more" was actually providing less.  As the world spun out of control in 2020, it became even far more obvious, you simply cannot buy happiness.  All the career stuff, couldn't fill the voids the dedication was creating.  

Fast forward to this weekend. There was no angst about being able to go, we took it slow, even though it was a fast little vacation. In pausing for Beau, we were able to savor the smaller things.  To have endless conversations about what life was like living in some of the small towns we passed by.  How they could possibly survive financially without industries and lots of businesses.  

All of that ties in with so much that has been running through my thoughts for months, heck probably years now.  We don't need "more" of the wrong stuff.  We need more of the right stuff.

Those small towns appeal to me in a way I cannot describe.  I don't feel I will ever live in one, for many reasons.  But my "more" is probably the strongest reason.  Our grands are within walking distance.  Those calls, hugs and time spent together are precious to me.  I didn't have that gift growing up, I always felt a bit of a loss in my life as a result.  Don't get me wrong, I would never give up the magic that I was able to experience growing up, the depth of cultures, experiences, life and knowledge that I was given as a result of being a military brat and dependent.  

What I missed out on though was the extended family.  That string of people that were connected by more than a common location.  The connection of the blood, shared memories, support, the bonds we didn't make. The roots. Sure we have them and love them, but for the most part they don't know us and we don't know them.  The common ground isn't the same.

I cherish those deep roots more than anything else.  When I get a call to be there for one of our grands, or if our girl needs something and I am able to help, or even something as simple as Hubs wanting to go to lunch together and I have the ability to simply tidy up from whatever I am working on, brush my hair and rush to do it.  If my sister or niece that are local call, I have a flexibility that I've never had before. When there is an urgent need to be in Arkansas or even Alabama or California, I can go. I can be the anchor, rock or life preserver for my loved ones. Those things are powerful. 

Those are the things that matter, at least to me. 

I might be imagining it, but I doubt it, those small towns haven't forgotten about those simpler things. They haven't disconnected from the things that matter in the pursuit of "more". They appear to be focused on the real more.  

As we walked with the pups through the beautiful late winter sunshine at the cemetery yesterday, both of us regretting not bring a rake and some bags (long story about a cemetery and greed), I kept remembering Hubs marveling at the beauty and upkeep of the cemetery's in the small towns we passed.  How beautifully maintained and respected they were.  

I don't know that the cleanliness and maintenance are for those buried there.  They have long since quit caring.  To me, it feels like it is for those left living, for those that carry on the memories, hopes and dreams.  Because in a way we are all a continuation of those that came before us. To me the disrepair and chaos feels like those memories are being disrespected, somehow minimizing the feelings of those left behind. 

They seem to honor the long lines that bring them to where they are today in a way that seems to be falling by the wayside.  When I was down in Arkansas, I couldn't help notice, that my sisters probably have the same feelings I do.  Oh the experiences our tiny family (if you call 6 tiny) had, but watching them living their lives, I felt a stronger sense of oneness an unbreakable bond. One lives super close to mom, her kiddos are super close too.  She is married to her best friend and has formed a community of close friends.  Her own virtual small town, in a way.  Their common interests and bonds carrying them through thick and thin.  

The other one truly lives in a super small town, okay, nope she lives in the middle of nowhere (I will admit to serious envy here - but in a good way).  Hubs and I were stunned when one of the two roads to her house was semi-paved.  Didn't think we'd ever see that day.  She is also married to her best friend, her kiddo's all live within a short drive in equally beautiful remoteness.  The bond between them is unshakable, the cousins are all close and connected. They also have that web of friends that are important, but their family bond is unbelievable and powerful.  That sister is currently my contraband supplier... fresh eggs! I wonder if she knows how wealthy that currently makes her?

My sister that lives up near me, has been in this area, shoot almost the same house since her early teens.  She has a spider web of super close family and friends that surround her and her hubby.  Again, seems like we all marry our best friends. 

In regards to my sisters I am the outlier.  I spent several decades living the life we grew up in.  My roots are fairly shallow still, even though I stopped bouncing around 23 years ago.  But due to that obsession with perceived success, I don't have many friends, the roots are just starting to spread. I am just now starting to understand, experience and treasure the simplicity of now.  

I stink as a friend, I lack the ability to focus and be present.  I want to, but I don't have the life skills that support it.  My dearest friends and I have been part of each others lives since the 1980's, but we don't touch base that often, we don't live in the same areas of the world.  Although, if any of us needs the other, we can call, text or message and we will be there. It's a different kind of friendship. 

I'm slowly learning to be a real life friend, it's a skill I am not sure I will ever master, as I am most comfortable on my own, in my family centric bubble. 

Just the same, I have found in this simpler life my more. 

The slowness of it all, makes it richer.  I am getting ready to start a hot lunch to feed hubs, the meal isn't as important as the time.  Being able to be on call to go and help in Arkansas if the need arises or to drive a grand to work, or to attend an activity.  That is where the more comes in. 

I like to believe that those folks living in small towns are able to lean in to each other, to support one another, to understand that "more" isn't something you purchase with dollars.  It's something you can only purchase with yourself. 

resting...

It's been a lazy morning for the Hubs and the Pups.  We decided to pop down to Arkansas to surprise Mom.  Couldn't do it on her actual birthday, but a few days late just extends the celebration.  We still think we are in our mid to late twenties evidently, as we opted to squish it all into two days.  With a pup that hasn't done a long trip since being diagnosed with epilepsy. Whew, what a trip!  The journey down was a bit long, Beau hadn't quite figured out how to keep from feeling out of sorts, so we made a TON of stops.  Let him reset his balance and run it all out.  

They loved all the new spots, the runs and especially their aunt's huge fenced backyard.  Beau was excited to meet the Danes and really wanted to play.  Belle, was beyond terrified.  Lil' Miss Toughie isn't so tough when the pups are more than twice her size.  She didn't even want to bark at them, choosing instead to stay close by mom or dad.

In 48 hours we drove a little over 600 miles, saw most of our Arkansas family, loved on the littles, pet the ducks and watched chickens. Visited every state park and rest stop between us and Little Rock and had a blast!

One sister and hubs let us stay in their camper, eliminating the need to find a hotel that will allow my big babies.  It was so much less stressful and allowed for an incredible visit.  We were able to sit around and chat, laugh and commiserate over life in general.  We talked about crocheting and finding patterns and ideas while watching the pups romp and our Hubs visited with each other. We were blessed to be able to spend time with mom to celebrate her and to catch up in person, share a few hugs and I love you's. Then off to the other sister and her hubs. Where we shared time with most of their grands (our great nephews are so fun!), their chicks and hens with more chatting and laughing.  The youngest grand is hysterical and entertained us with his animal impersonations and his incredible three year old knowledge of dinosaurs. It was wonderful. 

Through it all we forgot to take pictures, we were simply wrapped up in living in the moment.  I have to admit, I think I enjoy that a million times more than snapping away.  I cherished the time, the conversations, and the laughter.  The hugs even from the older kiddos were warm and genuine. 

While we were in Arkansas, I shared some seeds with my niece, sister and mom.  It was so nice to share the bounty of my garden with theirs.  They will be able to plant sooner than I will, I truly hope they all grow into something beautiful and/or they produce lots of bounty for their meals. 

It was such a welcome change.  We haven't been doing many spontaneous things lately.  I guess life has just been getting in the way of living.  I was beyond exhausted from the trip and was in bed the moment Beau had his bedtime meds almost 10 hours later, I am full of energy and ready to tackle the world. 

So while Hubs and the pups are snoozing, I got a few things off my to do list.  

Comparatively it is so cold here, yesterday we sat outside with our coffee watching the pups play, today, I slowly opened the door trying to avoid the arctic blast of cold air.  Outside tasks will definitely be waiting.  At least until after lunch.  I believe it should be above freezing by then.  

Instead, I worked on planning out the side yard transition.  I can already smell the lavender I am going to plant and see the brightness and beauty of the zinnias and sunflowers.  I can almost see and smell the herbs.  I started doodling the rock paths and the dry river bed that I imagine wandering down the hill.  Pondering what herbs and useful plants might flourish in that setting.  Ones that do not take over a space, but will enhance it. 

As usual for me, I quickly needed something else to tackle while they napped away and as I abhor waste of any kind I had a project I've been wanting to tackle. I will reuse things as much as possible and I've been collecting shampoo bar scraps for a year or so, in a jar, the same way I do soap.  I wasn't sure I could grate them up and make new bars or not.  But this morning, I finally did.  Those bars of shampoo cost between $13 and $20 depending on the brand.  It took very little time and I now have 4 bars of shampoo drying out.  The kitchen smells heavenly.  An experiment worth trying.  

I do the same thing with my handmade soaps, carefully salvaging the bits and pieces.  The rebatch soap is Hubs' absolute favorite.  It seems like the best of every bar ends up in those odd gray/green colored soaps.  And we don't waste anything.  How can you go wrong.  I don't have enough bits of soap saved up again yet to tackle that, it wouldn't be worth the time, but we will eventually have enough to make another batch. 

I had a huge basket of yarn odds and ends, nothing really useful, or so I thought.  I was pondering if I should donate them somewhere, or what, I just didn't know what to do with them.  They seemed destined to be something to make me crazy.  The other day while mindlessly scrolling, I came across a reel, someone had made baskets out of their scraps.  I'd seen the patterns before, I'd made a mental note to try it one day, but like most things I put in my memory lately, it got lost.  

After watching that reel, I decided I needed to give it a try.  I always need a task to accomplish while Hubs is watching his movies, so why not? Now, I have another addiction. I've already finished three, I'm halfway done with a fourth and I am making a great progress through the left over scraps.  They will probably end up in my booths this fall. 

This space and time suits me perfectly, I feel I am flourishing. 

Well, it's time to wrap up.  It's Hubs' mom's 102nd birthday.  We are going to head over to the cemetery.  I'm gonna wake up my sleepy babies.  They are catching up from two very long days, but I am sure they will wake up for a R*I*D*E...

love and prayers for all... 

how have you been?

This morning as I was doing my chores, I felt a strong urge to write.  Goodness, it's been a long while. Almost 4 years ago my life took a dramatic turn, a shift. Unplanned, unexpected and suddenly.  One of the greatest gifts I have been given in life.  I find those that fall in that category are usually the best.  A sudden ending, when you aren't brave enough to admit something is not serving you or your life.  When you can add up all the things it's cost you, but you don't have the courage to walk in another direction.  When God steps in and gives you the push you desperately needed, but didn't realize it. 

Endings are nothing more than a chance at a better beginning.  We just often find ourselves blinded in the moment.  Not realizing that the door that slammed shut was because it wasn't serving you. It might even have been causing you harm that you couldn't see in the moment. 

My days have fallen into a beautiful routine.  I'm no longer trying to be a wife, mother, grand mother and homemaker while still being stretched to my absolute limits in a thankless world. It's an incredible feeling to walk in the path you are meant to walk. 

I don't write much anymore.  Not because I don't want to, but because the world has become increasingly more unstable and angry.  Something I really no longer have the need or desire to participate in.  If I do write it is strictly for me, and that alone is very rare.  Although I do miss it.

Today the urge was too great, with a cup of hot coffee, I felt ready to write.  After all the kitchen is cleaned, laundry folded and ready to go upstairs, everyone fed a nutritious breakfast and the doors are open to allow this beautiful day to flow in.  I'm ready.

I've already put the first bit of grass seed down and covered it, so much as been altered in the past year that it is going to be a long season of rebuilding, I'm excited for it. I figured as long as I was playing in the mud, I'd better take advantage of the warmth this week to get my poppy seeds planted.  There is more cold weather rolling in next week and they will need it if they are going to sprout and fill the spaces left barren. In a few more weeks I will plant the cosmos, marigold, and zinnias.  A short time later will find lots of sunflowers planted where they would have never grown a few months ago. And the lilac will finally be planted in the ground.

this guy was amazing - and terrifying

Hubs and I are busy plotting and planning.  How much grass?  Should we add more raised beds?  What do we think is going to happen in this mixed up crazy time that we are moving through? The removal of that massive old bradford pear tree has left us with lots of new options.  Not to mention an enormous pile of wood to cut up for future winter fires. 

half-way there

that ground hadn't seen that much sun
in 30 years

Oddly, I have no anxiety, no stress or fears.  It feels like forever since that has been the way of life. There is a rhythm now, like a slow drumbeat.  That isn't to say I am not paying attention to things.  Or that I haven't noticed the way grocers keep raising prices.  The businesses that have struggled for so long that are finally closing their doors.  I've noticed.  

relaxing with Dad on a cold winter day

Somewhere along the way of the past 4 years a calmness has finally settled.  Our little suburban homestead becomes more solid all the time.  It's almost time to plant the gardens, last fall we planted our first elderberry bushes, we followed the directions to a "t" so with any luck we won't have to travel to pick elderberry in the future.  Hopefully this year will also find us able to plant our own mullein.  We'll see.  If not, there is always a plan "b".  As our yard is more open to sunshine now, we may plant a wider variety of veggies, then again maybe I will plant a beautiful herb garden.  I am overcome with the possibilities.

Soon I will be able to go buy my goats milk again, I can hardly wait.  I also have a local bee keeper I support and it's almost time for the farmers markets to open again.  I'm tired of the world we were living in, we don't play in that world too much anymore.  We are finding our tribe, like minded people, we are learning to support and lift up one another.  To stop relying so hard to sustain something that felt false and unsustainable.

It feels like we've been in a ship on rocky seas for a really, really long time.  And the storm is raging still, it's not over, things need to right themselves.  I think all of us have a different way of dealing with it all.  We all have different ideas of what that righting is and will be.  For us, there is a sense of peace, we aren't playing in those waves as much.  We are choosing a calmer path. 

Washing dishes, cooking meals from the best and cleanest ingredients I can find, cleaning my house, working in my yard, taking care of my Hubs and pups, being there to support my kids and grands when they need it.  And having time to create.  All of these things are stabilizing.  Soon I will head upstairs, to iron and put away laundry.  

My version of Old Town

After the chores are done, I will head to my sewing studio, I decided that I was going to make another version of the Old Town quilt that I made myself.  This one is for my Hubs.  I might be crazy, at over 3100 tiny pieces, it's more intense than a jigsaw puzzle at times.  Yet, getting lost in putting those tiny bits together eliminates room for the chaos of the world to crowd my thoughts. 

the colors for Hub's Old Town

I have some strong ideas about what I am watching unfold.  Very strong, but I'm opting to sit on the sidelines and watch from afar.  I'm intrigued, I'm aware, I'm observing.  But from a distance.  I am focusing on the world right in front of me, I'm focusing on what I can immediately impact.  I'm tried of raging and worrying through things that I have zero control over. 

Over the past few years, I have come to realize the smaller the bubble the happier you become.  I have time to laugh, to worry over my ability to recreate my Hubs favorite meals but in our own kitchen instead of somewhere we don't know what was used.  I have time to stop and observe.  Things have fluttered through the past few years, time has really stopped being relevant or even observable.  I forget things, I laugh, I move on.  So many that I speak to are experiencing the same thing. 

Birthdays, holidays and so much more sneak up and take me by surprise.  Evenings are spent enjoying old shows with Hubs, working on some little thing and chatting during the never ending pharmaceutical commercials. Seriously, whatever happened to Mr. Whipple and his Charmin, or even Clara yelling "where's the beef". Now we mute it because the endless lists of side effects from drugs they are hawking is enough to terrify the staunchest horror movie fan.  Geez, why?  Just why?

I'm toying with a few future ideas, one of which is starting another blog, focusing on living a different kind of life.  Another thing I am exploring is how to help others learn skills that are rapidly fading away, a self-sufficiency that is fading away.  I have a million other thoughts that glide through my mind while I stitch away on one of my vintage Singer sewing machines.  There is something about the sound that welcomes you to slow and daydream. 

My day dreaming often beacons me back here.  I have so many thoughts and memories recorded in these posts.  Time gone by.  I would love to save it, I often wonder if this platform will ever disappear and with it my thoughts and memories.  I am not technically skilled to save them to something else.  It's one of the thoughts that stops me from starting something else.  The technical world is not really for me.  I thrive in a simpler, more hands on world. 

I definitely don't recall planting a Pup

Who knows... the future is just that, the future. For now, the birds are calling, the pups are napping and it's time to go upstairs.  Maybe the blue jay will come back and sit on the branches and watch me sewing.

peace and love on your own journeys...

cherish the moments...

Thank you Lord for this beautiful morning.  It's August and after a few mornings where you could barely breathe outside due to the heat and humidity, there is a soft breeze blowing and a mild temperature.  As I am watching the sun sneak through the trees I know it won't last, I mean it's August after all.  So I am going to simply sit here and enjoy it.  

Hubs helps me water the treetop garden every morning and afterwards he usually slips back down to his office to work.  I noticed my garden needed a bit of attention this morning, so I've been out here for almost the past hour in the coolness of the morning.  As I have harvested the radish seeds that were ready (since the hail destroyed them, I decided to experiment) I'll be planting the ones I harvested next season, I have been listening to the world wake up.  The distant sound of hammers as the multitude of roofers working in the neighborhood are rushing to beat the heat slowly increasing in intensity as it got closer to acceptable working hours, was drowned out by the birds, cicadas, crickets and heaven only knows what other creatures singing their morning songs.  It's an odd mix of the natural and man made sounds.  Air conditioners and cars, the occasional plane and train.  All of it melding together in a strange symphony.  It's been peaceful. 

I was thinking about my unconventional life and cherishing the blessing of it.  My finger tips softly stained from the seed pods as I cracked them open.  The scents of the garden blending with my coffee.  Everything took such a beating in May when the hail storm went through, looking out into the trees I am finally seeing new leaves on trees that I feared would not survive. My non-traditional garden for me is bringing me so much joy, I was noticing it's time to succession plant the cowpeas, as they are losing their leaves, time to put all of their energy into the long seed pods.  

I cherish these quiet moments. 

Last week during a moment of rest I was browsing X and someone shared a photo of the typical schedule for a 1917 housewife.  I had to save it.  I was definitely laughing to myself as I realized it was very similar to my life.  Sure I have modern conveniences that make for a slightly easier day, allowing me more time to do things like make quilts and get ready for craft fairs. I wondered if it must have been a list from a city dweller of the day, because there wasn't much time devoted to the garden (although maybe they knew secrets that have been lost to time?).  

My house is definitely not Better Homes and Gardens, it's more "there appears to have been a struggle", there are plates with seeds drying, jars cooling, projects in processes.  There are pup toys everywhere and a light sprinkling of puppy glitter everywhere.  It's a bit of chaos, filled with love and joy.  Who could ask for more?  When my life was dull and empty it was immaculate.  I don't miss the sparkling clean, I love this chaos, to me it means my life is ever changing and flexible. It means things are going on all around me, filling my days with love, joy and laughter.   

I love this life.  There are people that often ask Hubs, when I am going to return to the work world.  To the hustle and bustle that has been created for us.  I love his answer.  Never (at least if we can help it).  I work harder now than I ever did in the "work world" the difference is that now it is to make a home.  To take care of my primary role, to be a wife, mom, grandma and pup-mom.  I get to spend my days taking care of those around me.  There isn't a paycheck to be had that is as valuable as that incredible feeling. 

Today will be crazy busy here at my little suburban homestead.  I have been neglecting a lot of things rushing to complete a special project before tomorrow.  As I put the last stitches in last night, I was overjoyed.  I can't share it yet, but I will.  So today is a day of catching up, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, dusting, all the everyday things have been being touched, but not done. I haven't baked bread and there are peaches waiting to be made into cobbler.  The watermelon that wasn't as sweet as Hubs likes, turned out amazing in the dehydrating sample, so I need to chop that up and finish dehydrating it.  Our youngest grand daughter fell in love with it and might have finished off the whole batch last night. 

I need to harvest some okra for dinner and finish the last of the corn cob jelly.  I've also got to run out to the goat farm for milk and make a quick stop in the city to pick up the grands' projects they made when we went to Made for Kids the other day.  Both girls created art with the 3D printer and they are ready. 

All of that is before I can finally service my new 301A.  I did tell Hubs it was to be my birthday present, so I am guessing it's a good thing it won't be finished until right before my birthday. It's going to be a crazy busy day. A good busy.  

what 3 gallon bags of elderberries
looks like dehydrated. 

I want to clear up my to do list before this weekend.  I want to spend the weekend gathering wild elderberries and mullein.  The things that we have forgotten in this life are incredible.  Both will serve us well over the winter to prevent colds and illness.  With none of those nasty side effects included. 

Maybe a lot of the insanity and problems in our world would go away if we followed that old saying... Idle hands are the devils play ground. I rarely have a moment to be idle.  I rarely have time to simply sit and surf.  A moment here and there at the end of the day, but that's about it.  

I'm well guarded while working in 
my sewing studio.  No one is getting 
past my security team. 

Well time's a' wastin, I need to fix some breakfast and get busy with those chores.  Thanks for joining me out here in the early morning sunshine and breeze.  It's been a wonderful start to a great day.  Again... thank you Lord for the blessings. 

love and peace, b

need to know...

Do you ever find yourself putting things off?  Forgetting something that needs to be addressed or done?  I think I am the queen of that universe. The sad part is that it is far from intentional, it's simply because I have so many things swimming in my head and heart.  Plans, ideas, need to do's and want to do's. At some point things fall off the immediate radar, usually because something else has caught my attention. 

I came down from my sewing studio a few minutes ago, needing to refill my water and finally remember to eat something, or if I'm honest to stretch my back a bit.  I seriously need a different solution for a sewing chair...  there I go again, drifting off. 

As I pushed the buttons to fill my cup with ice and filtered water, I had to smile to myself and also sort of scold myself. Something so simple. 

While I was in Alabama, literally months ago... we aren't going to say how many months because it is down right shameful, the ice/water dispenser died.  Hubs popped a towel behind it to stop the non-stop flow, but knew from the last repair that his hands were too big to do the work, he needed me. 

I came home from an incredible visit with my sister-in-law, full of more ideas (go figure) and fixing the fridge was definitely not on the planning table at all.  The drive was long, I needed rest.  At least that is what I used as an excuse for the first day or two.  Fast forward a month or so, I discovered that I could simply lock and unlock it as needed and solved the towel problem.  Moved on to other want to do's, weird how those pesky to-do's seem to always get shoved further back on the list. 

Finally ordered, what I thought was the part, stalling about taking it apart and investigating.  It's a fairly cumbersome job moving that monster out of the little space built for it and honestly, I was being lazy. Sweet Hubs by my side we disassembled and reassembled the part, sure it was just the micro switch again, neither of us stopping to question the little spring that flew out of nowhere, until we noticed the paddle was still not working as it should. 

Replacing the switch with the old one, as that was evidently not the issue, and realizing that little spring played a critical role in our problem we noticed the little broken bit of plastic, evidently the whole assembly needed replaced.  No worries, we had the part number and the Amazon could have it to us the next day.  Problem solved, repair on it's way!  

Not having to struggle for filtered water was getting closer, right? I know the fridge is 10 years old, but that shouldn't be a problem, should it?  

One would think.  Pull it out again, disassemble it all again.  Install new one, ask Hubs where the paddle was, as it wasn't attached.  Look through boxes like crazed people.  Slowly realize that the paddle is not there.  Seriously?  

Go on a massive internet search, questioning the sanity and intelligence of the people that make a dispenser without a paddle, when that is a critical part of it being able to function. In despair, realizing that the original part is almost impossible to find and none of the available parts have the paddle attached. Yes, still critical, not able to be removed without breaking it from the original, pausing to read comments from others feeling affirmed that I am not the only one pondering this challenge, I decide it's time to start making phone calls. 

Three parts dealers later, I find out that there is another part that is compatible and that I can have it the next day.  Please take my money!  

They say the third times a charm.  Hubs and I pulled the fridge out, yet again, working in the very narrow space between it and the island, what kind of architect makes these placement decisions? We finally installed the dispenser and slid it back into place. 

The silly joy that comes from being able to get a glass of ice water without struggling is so much a first world problem and joy.  The self-loathing that it took me months to tackle is only slightly eased by the fact that I would have had to deal with all the chaos at a time when my plate was full and I didn't have the energy to add more to it. 

Okay, I admit it, I am the queen of forgetting things.  Or maybe the universe knew I wasn't ready to deal with all that drama and kept giving me distractions until the time was right? Whatever the case, I'm thankful to have the ability to pop into the kitchen for ice and water and not having to go through all of the steps.  

Makes me wonder what else I have been shuffling off to the side that may only take a moment in time to resolve... hmm... whatever it is, it will have to wait.  My back is ready to go finish the quilt I am working on today, no time for remembering what I might have forgotten.  

Love and prayers... B

Wondering why...

I can't believe how fast time seems to be flying by.  We are already moving into the middle of July and yet it seems like I just wrote yesterday. I have been an active traditional homemaker now for over 3 years, again... how? Where is time flying off too?

Yesterday I was busy putting up the last of the 72 dozen ears of corn that Hubs loves so much.  As I stood at the sink scrubbing the silks from each ear, I found myself thinking, nothing new there.  I was questioning why I do some of the things that I do each day.  When I could easily go to the store and sit in my car and wait for someone to bring out my order and load my trunk.  Why would I spend hours shucking, cleaning, scraping and canning corn? 

Why would I do half of it?  Why wouldn't I take the easier route?  Why not just go back to work at a job where I will be taxed to bits only to be taxed on everything I purchase and then taxed again at the end of the year when all government agencies decide they haven't gotten enough of my hard earned dollars?

Why would I spend hours a day taking care of my family?  Wasn't it somewhere in the 50's or 60's that they started the marketing campaign about better living through chemicals?  Wasn't that supposed to make lives easier?  At least that is what the marketing campaign said.

Years ago I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, shortly after a tick decided I tasted good and shared Lyme disease with me.  I remember the anxiety I felt when we went to pick up our medical records a short while later, because we were moving back to Germany and being told they were being stored in the environment hazard area.  My mind was completely blown away.  I was stunned beyond thought and reason.  I was too sick at the time to deeply question it all as I went to a different part of the hospital to gather my records, separate from my families. 

For literally years I struggled with life.  I lived in pain, my mind was often foggy and my memory was shot.  I have so much regret surrounding those times.  I can't unwind the clock, I can't go backwards in time, but I can go forward. And in moving forward for the most part I have been healed, oh it's still technically there, but I no longer suffer from it. 

Somewhere over the past two decades things started to come together.  I learned, I studied, I started to understand a lot of things that I hadn't realized.  

Slowly we've removed many extra chemicals from our lives.  When you start to read, you start to learn.  

Our skin is our largest organ, it absorbs everything we put on it. It took time, I had to learn how to make soap, I'm still working on shampoo (that stuff can give you a headache) but for now I have sourced some that is chemical free.  We use very little, if any, commercial topical creams, lotions or medications.  It's amazing when you start looking into herbs, natural oils and tinctures the benefits to your entire body.  If you haven't looked into castor oil or frankincense for your external needs I strongly suggest those two as an incredible starting point. 

When you look at the things you consume you might become a bit more anxious and unsettled. How many people really read the ingredient lists when they are gathering their groceries and snacks?

After learning about the external influences, I might have become hooked on taking a deeper dive into herbal remedies, ya know... the old ways.  The things we don't learn in school are far greater than the things we do learn.  I can 100% assure you I have never in my adult life ever used algebraic formulas, yet everyday I cook meals for my family, use basic math as I work out our budget, I work in my garden, I sew, I make clothing and household items.  

As I am staring down the final year of my 50's, I realize I use very little of what I learned in school.  It carries very little value in the real world.  Most of it amply prepared me to be a drone in the tax generating wheel, very little of it prepared me for life. Sadly it is worse now.  Kids are graduating high school completely unprepared to go out into the world, to have meaningful lives, to be able to explore, dream, develop businesses and think.  They are woefully unprepared. 

I think back on school, home economics in particular.  And I realize that I learned very little of the skill sets I use today in those classes.  In the cooking sections I learned how to place an order for the ingredients I would need, I learned how to assemble those ingredients into a meal and the absolute importance of making sure there wasn't a crumb left on the floor after class (my instructor would lose her mind if things weren't meticulous for the next student). Oddly, it never taught me to buy groceries in the real world, to stretch a budget to cover whatever might happen, to put up food so I wasn't reliant on the grocery store. I learned to make noodles from scratch in one class, but never how to dry them for storage.  I was never taught to plant a seed to enable me to grow my own food.  In fact besides cleaning the floor properly, insuring that I pleased the fussy teacher to get a good grade, using a rolling pin to roll out noodles (and promptly rubbing all the skin off the side of my thumb - super painful FYI), and the incredible field trips in my international cooking class, I remember very little useful information from those classes.  

one of the recent quilts... I've improved

my newest treasure a 1953 301A - as soon as I tune
it up... I will be making a quilt!

If we bounce into the sewing part of those classes... well I do remember how to lay out a pattern and even follow a pattern.  I also learned (on my own) that it's important to look twice at the way it will end up once assembled.  That poor stuffed turtle lived forever with his head on upside down.  The teacher never even caught it while checking my work.  Oh well. 

for a friends baby...

For my great nephew

Beau approves... a customers quilt

I also took wood shop as a teen, I still have the shadow box I built it is a cherished possession, that I will probably never part with.  Hubs still has the napkin holder he made years earlier.  Looking at his vs mine, that decade or so of instruction time difference really shows.  His is creatively cut out with wood burned features.  Mine was simple, the construction was very basic and lacked the processes that would have made it sturdy and stable for all these decades.  I have spent much time over the years putting it back together so that it would last. 

Why do I do the things that fill my days?  Is it because I am some crazy prepper, no.  Although I could see where folks would assume that.  Is it because of fear?  Maybe to a degree, but not in the way one would assume.  I'm not afraid of the future, God has that, I am afraid of the skills being forever lost.  

Mostly, it's because I don't believe the world we live in today is sustainable.  Not in a sense of we will run out of this or that, not really.  Not that I don't believe there will be shortages, I 100% believe there will be.  I believe that food, fuels, medications, etc will be in short supply.  Because we have been programmed to believe that we need all of the things that we can buy (and be taxed on) as the only way we can survive in this world. Everything must be something someone can make a profit off of, look around, pay attention.

I almost cried this morning, drinking my cup of coffee and scrolling through social media.  I came upon one of my canning and sustainability groups, the woman was sharing a video she made that morning. It showed miles of cars waiting to buy food at a fast food restaurant in Houston.  Much of the city is still without power after Beryl came through. Miles of cars idling in line waiting for a burger and fries.  Her point was that it has been two days and folks are waiting in line for junk food.  Her question was far more basic, didn't they have food at home in their fridge or freezer waiting to be cooked and/or consumed?  Wasn't it at risk of going bad? 

Why?  This is one of my major reasons why.  I don't want to be in the group that is lost when the things we've been conditioned to accept for our basic needs is no longer able to provide them.  I don't want to be the one that cannot provide for my family and loved ones. The one that has no idea how to cook something because all the recipes were online and we've lost power or internet and I'm lost. Or because I don't know how to cook in anyway except with my electric stove (mine isn't electric for the record). 

I don't want to be a slave to a broken and failing system.  I don't want to be the person begging the government to help me survive, in case you haven't noticed it truly is a form of slavery, and one that has been used forever.  Slavery doesn't have to involve physical chains and shackles, mental ones are far stronger and leave less physical proof. 

a full 20 hours after the storm

the next day...

At the end of May we were hit with a terrible hail storm.  The damage is incredible, and most everyone in our mile or so wide stretch of the storms path are still dealing with the aftermath.  Homes are damaged, windows were shattered, cars were beat up (many to the point of being totaled - our daughter had two of theirs totaled), garden's and landscaping destroyed.  I will admit that losing most of my garden and landscaping crushed my heart.  The rest can be repaired, but to lose those... I was so heartbroken. 

It's just over a month later, the physical stuff is slowly being repaired.  My garden looks very different than I planned it.  This year, I am letting some things go to seed for future gardens, as most of the damaged plants continued to put out seeds and I am delighting in that process.  Of the 5 tomato plants 2 survived, barely, and are covered in tiny tomatoes.  Thankfully I was behind in planting because of cicadagedon.

Even the flowers were damaged, but are struggling back to life. 

The tiny okra, bush cucumber, zucchini, sweet potatoes and acorn squash are thriving despite the damage they decided they were strong enough to weather that storm.  So many other plants were destroyed, there are no peas this year and the beautiful lettuce was turned to mush.  The Swiss chard had a few tiny bits still living so I left them be, they rewarded me with the best growth ever.  The rest of the boxes are now planted with assorted beans to dry and more okra.  Every year I say I wish I had been able to plant more of those, yet never do.  

When mother nature hands you lemons, you can chose to cry or make lemonade. 

I don't want to be one of those that can't think outside the box.  This year I have started foraging mullein, I have been using dandelion and I know where to forage massive amounts of elderberry this summer.  I have learned so much that was never programmed into us in school.  Learning that the things we were programmed to believe were useless weeds and needed to be eradicated aren't useless or weeds at all. 

I pray that because I refuse to forget the old ways that I will never been one of those sitting in a car waiting for something to be given to me.  I am sharing those skills with my grands, I will share my knowledge and skills with anyone that wants to learn.  I want to be friends with people that can teach me new old skills. I want to be a part of that community.  I want to spend my days, hours and skills helping those around me that want to help themselves.  That want to be a strong enough person to face the storm and come out in one piece.  Maybe a bit tired and worn, but strong and self-sufficient. 

You knew the pups would show up...

It's time to head to the sewing room.  It's been a busy couple of weeks and I am running a bit behind.  

Many prayers and much love!  And cheers to the keepers of the old ways... you are my tribe!