It's been four years, my heart now realizes that my Dad is completely at peace and no longer suffering. All of us have moved on and we are all stronger for the variety of lessons that he taught us while he was physically here with us.
I climbed on my elliptical and did my workout while I processed my thoughts and feelings. Paused for a moment to regroup after working out and then drew my energy card. Sometimes the meanings don't make sense for a moment. Today's was "attachment", and the description is that it was time to cut the cord to old things that were no longer serving me, to be strong enough to let go of things that might be holding me back from reaching for all the universe holds.
It perplexed me. I basically feel that I have a wonderful life, filled with amazing family and friends, I am thankful for everything I have wrapped firmly around me. I decided I needed a moment or two to process it and stopped thinking about it.
Hubs and I both got ready to walk our babies, they were still sleeping quietly in their kennels and we are definitely on a mission to get this potty training done. As we enjoyed our morning coffee we noticed the sunrise coming up over the horizon - I love the view from my deck. That eastern sun fills me to bubbling over with joy. Today was exceptional.
When I headed down to Arkansas four years ago, it had been a day with a breathtaking sunrise too, we had walked our other fur babies, the boys were definitely seniors then and our walk was far shorter than our energetic babies walk this morning. That day had dissolved into pouring rain by the time I had left. The weather matched my heart.
Walking in the nippy cold of this beautiful springlike morning, basking in the light of the custom decorated sunrise, I felt like my Dad was giving me the answers I was puzzling over. In that beautiful sunrise I could almost hear him telling me that it was okay to move forward, to not mourn his absence as he is always there surrounding us with love. That it was okay to celebrate his life and his journey here on the earth plane and to know that he was no longer suffering, no longer in pain.
I was a Daddy's girl. Probably still am if I am honest. Some of the lessons were not good ones, some of them left scars and insecurities. Some of those insecurities have held me back for a long time, they have caused me to have fears that have absolutely zero basis in my own life. I think it's time to let those lessons join Dad, to gently lay them to rest and move forward in my life without the fears.
I shared a meme on Facebook yesterday, it has caused a bit of a stir. Not in a bad way, but in a way that I hope is thought provoking. "When you want different for yourself, you have to start moving different. Old keys don't unlock new doors." - Unknown. I shared it because it was quite profound and motivating to me.
I know I am not the only one that lets past thoughts, fears, insecurities, ideas, etc block me from moving forward easily. Things that I have been exposed to have defined some of my beliefs, don't they do that for most people. I think at least for me, it's time to unpack some of that garbage and realize it isn't mine, and to move forward from a heart based place this time, not from emotional baggage.
My Dad was a complex man. He was also a sum of the hurts that he'd endured, it sometimes caused him to push away the very love and acceptance that he craved in his soul. He loved us all with everything he had, often it was hidden, but we knew it just the same. I'm thankful for the lessons he taught me, some intentional, some not so intentional. I am a strong person because of it.
I am also thankful for his rest. He'd earned it long before it was received. He is at peace, I know this in the depth of my heart.
This beautiful sunrise calmed my spirit, it filled me with love. Today I celebrate my Dad's liberation from a body that no longer served him and my father-in-laws 119th birthday! It's a beautiful day.
love and peace...
Good one! 381+
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