This morning, I've stopped for a few. I mean... the day did start at 3 am, so saying I stopped is kind of humorous. But the fountain just started, the birds are chirping and the sun hasn't climbed high enough to cause the outside to feel unbearable. So while the granola is baking and the coffee is getting cold, I figured I would rest for a few moments.
So many times I've wanted to sit down and explore the events and feelings of life so far this year. It's felt large, overwhelming at moments, peaceful at others. Completely out of control, spiraling and lost one moment. And then calm, silent and flowing like a beautiful stream through the woods the next.
Belle's TPLO surgery, the journey and recovery. The unexpected finding that she'd had a grade 2 mast cell tumor on the same leg, thankfully the surgeon recognized it and offered to remove it at the same time. The anxiety I feel with anything that doesn't look just right on that same scar line. The absolute anger and frustration of having asked both of her regular vets to look at it, and being brushed off.
I've wanted to share the feelings of finding out our camper was totaled out by hail. The camper was fine, the insurance company totaled it. Granted it didn't look fantastic any longer, but neither do our fully functional vehicles. Ultimately, we decided it was a God wink, as we hadn't had the time or ability to go camping for almost 3 years now. It felt a lot like losing my Beetle, a dream who's time had come and ultimately gone. As we are getting ready for the next phase of our lives, with Beau's medical condition and the changes to campgrounds... let's just say it was time for it to move on to someone else. The blessing financially of losing it, far outweighed the anxiety of trying to be able to use it. We've already done research and found lots of fun "glamping" experiences that will allow us to bring the pups and still enjoy the great outdoors...
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| I wore my Dad ring and danced with Momma |
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| Isn't she lovely? |
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| Me, Momma and my girls |
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| Just me and my Dragon |
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| almost time... |
My youngest niece got married, what a joyous and fun day that was. I made them a quilt. First time I've done one as a wedding gift for family. But she is the kind of woman that will treasure it forever, I know this because she still sleeps with the baby quilt I made her over 20+ years ago. Note to self... deciding a few months from a wedding, while your dog is recovering from major surgery, that you want to make a quilt is really rather insane and anxiety inducing.
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| My Bonnie Hunter Lupine and Laughter Gifted to The Epps |
I've spent time gardening with my dear friend who showed up bearing baby tomatoes and green pepper plants that she started from seeds months ago. She knew I hadn't started my garden, my plate had just been over-flowing and something had to give, sadly it was my garden.
Her precious thoughtfulness spurred me on to actually get my life together in many ways. In the month or so since that day, I have completely recreated our back deck and patio. To the point that Hubs and I seriously do not want to leave our backyard. We love sitting in the peaceful beauty and chatting. Next up is completely his "smoking station" where he will have his grill and smoker set up for some crazy fun cooking. We're starting to develop his retirement hobbies... those days are coming sooner rather than later.
The garden is in full bloom, I finally put up some trellis' (thanks to my sweet friend for the help) to give us some of the privacy back that we'd lost almost 12 years ago when the first tree had to be removed. I made some wonderful discoveries with terracotta water spikes and wine bottles that allow my garden to stay hydrated even in the hot sun. Although it looks like either the tomatoes or I have a serious drinking problem.
As I was watering in the wee hours this morning, I noticed that before long I will be harvesting peppers, tomatoes and possibly some mini-cucumbers very soon. I added in some plants that will strictly be dried for teas and balms. The plantains that I went out on a limb and planted in safe spots are flourishing and will provide plenty of healing salves close at hand. Hopefully, the elderberry and blackberries won't be poisoned this year. We'll see. They are bursting and I would seriously love to harvest them.
My dear friend also tempted me with potato plants. I have two large planters fully planted. We will see how they produce this year. These might not be the right planters for them, but... nothing gained or lost if I fail to try.
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| Belle's first post surgery walk |
The hikes have had to taper off a bit. It's far too hot for Beau and Belle is still on flat ground at less than a mile as she rebuilds her strength. I keep trying to get up super early to go, but honestly, it's the mid-west. Even at o'dark thirty it is hot, muggy and highly unpleasant. Hubs' back has been a bit tender and his work schedule is a tad over full right now, so there aren't many extra minutes to go hiking. Besides, without Hubs or the Pups, hiking alone feels far too vulnerable to me. Besides that, Missouri is a hot bed of ticks this year. I'm tired of being eaten alive.
At least for the moment, I'm trading out hiking for hours of swimming and water workouts with my sweet Dragon. So hard to believe she is 9 and heading into 4th grade already. Where does the time go? She is growing so fast, last year at the pool I was able to lift her and swirl her around. This year, we stand eye to eye. Doesn't matter she will always and forever be my baby dragon. I cherish each moment that I am able to steal with her.
While we were taking a break from racing in the pool yesterday we were talking a bit about her plans for the summer. She told me that she would like to learn how to make butter. I'm just going to pause and celebrate that! I didn't order super heavy whipping cream from the farm for tomorrow's pick up, but I definitely will be next week. If I don't find the time to run out there this week/weekend and pick some up. You can be assured that Gramma is going to teach her how to make her own butter. It's time to start making our own ice cream again too. Her other plan is to learn how to make applesauce. Yup, you know we are going to be working on that during those rainy days that are coming. I know the apples aren't really fresh right now, but they are fresh enough to tackle that skill.
The older grand is spending time with Grampa enjoying the arts. With Beau's medication schedule it's almost impossible for us to go to the theater or symphony at this time, at least not without hiring a medicine dispensing dog sitter for the evening (and there is literally only one or two folks that I trust in that department). Luckily, that young woman is passionate about both. I just ordered their tickets for the Sound of Music Sing Along. Their costumes are coming together very nicely.
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| Belle fits right in... |
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| Beau is joining the party too... |
There have been so many other little things, so many moments. I've found myself far too busy living those moments to take the time to simply pause and write.
The sun is starting to rise high enough that there is precious little time left to sit in the cool morning surrounded by beauty this morning. But savoring it and walking through the recent memories has be so enjoyable.
I've already made the granola and started the yogurt, I have several other things on my to do list this morning before I pick the dragon up for swim time. I've got some flower beds to order, I need new cheesecloth and I have to make a final decision on making sour cream or giving it up as lost at this point. I'm trying to get brave enough to simply start. My challenge to myself this year was to push myself harder to going backwards. To those simpler times, to simpler food, simpler clothing, simpler relationships... I miss the past, and I'm opting to slide backwards. To stop being so wrapped up in this crazy modern world and turn the clock backwards.
I guess I'd better get with it. Much to do before we head out, we're hoping Grampa is able to get home early enough to joins us for a few hours of splash therapy. I've also got to check the weather forecast, I need to go and pick blueberries this week.
Hopefully, I don't get lost for so long this time... Miss you, love you, b
