transitions...

The title is rarely where I start.  Usually thoughts are simply fighting to spill out and somewhere in the midst of the typing and proof reading a title comes together for the jumbled mess. As I was finishing up the ironing this morning, lost deep in a sense of nothingness, my mind feeling strangely calm and uncluttered the word "transition" simply started to creep in.  

I kept hearing it over and over again.  Like I was being led to think about it.  Transition. Transition.

I continued working my way through the task, my mind started thinking it through.  I don't know if we realize how much of an absolute impact it has on everything.  We live our lives in a state of transition.  Moving from one thing to the next, almost like an assembly line. 

Although I am fairly certain it was the bigger transitions that are going on all around me that led my mind down the path it seemed determined to follow. 

I woke up to the news that the Pope had passed away while I slept.  I'm not Catholic, so this news doesn't have much weight on my day to day life.  I hope he receives the reward he has earned.  As I am not of that faith, it is vague to me the impact it has. Yet, it somehow seems like a large transition in a world that is already spinning out of control. 

The entire world is going through a period of massive transition.  Good or bad remains to be seen.  The immediate pulse from it all is chaotic and stressful.  But isn't all change?  This just happens to be on a global scale. 

On the global stage it seems there was an incredible wave of transitions this weekend.  Lots of deaths of leaders or top people in many countries and companies.  The same could be said with some major resignations.  Good or bad?  Again it remains to be seen. 

When I move my thoughts to a smaller more intimate space full of family, friends, and acquaintances the level of transitions is just as powerful, even if the circle the ripples impact is smaller.   There have been births, life altering illnesses, losses of careers, beginnings of new ones, relationships ending, relationships starting.  People are moving and starting different stages of their lives, others are contemplating it.  Young adults are stepping out on their own, while some are returning to the safety of their parents nests. 

All transitions seem to come with some degree of chaos, uncertainty, a bit of loss, a bit of hopefulness.  Sometimes those transitions are traumatic and sudden.  Sometimes they happen as smoothly as walking into the next room and starting another "thing". 

The truth seems that all of them have the potential to be good or tragic.  I can't help but feel our reaction to it is what forms the result. 

When my career ended, almost four years ago.  That was a major transition.  I was full of fear and doubt for years leading up to it.  Ultimately, it has led to such an amazing shift our lives.  Hubs and I are happier than ever, we have balance, peace and calm in our world.  So much that was missing, returned.  It actually returned ten fold.  At the time, I had doubts, fear, anger and so much mistrust. This side of the coin, I have absolutely nothing but pure gratitude.  I don't dwell in regrets, there is no ill will.  I guess there could have been. 

I felt the same way when my first marriage ended abruptly.  In fact looking back at my life's journey, there were many transitions that appeared to be horrible, life altering changes that I absolutely didn't or couldn't face or make on my own.  And then life did as it always does and made the u-turn for me.  I choose to believe that God redirected my path each time.  That is what my heart tells me.  He turned me away from self-destructive paths and put my feet on the one I needed to follow.  

Each time, the reward ended up being far greater than what was left behind.  And it wasn't that the path left behind was devastating, horrible, life threatening or any of those things.  It was simply not my path. I hold nothing but love and gratitude for the lessons learned on those paths.  For the people that were part of those journeys. 

I know that not everyone believes in God and that is okay.  Maybe you believe in the universe or a divine power (who knows maybe God is just the name we humans have assigned to that power), goodness knows I have no idea.  It is just how I choose to think.  But something is definitely driving all of these transitions, something is always trying to correct our path., to give us the lessons we need to learn.  At least that is my belief. 

I think the problems usually arise when we as mere mortal humans decide we know everything.  When our free will gets in the way of the flow we are part of.  When other humans decide to inflict their will on us, to push us a direction we are not meant to go.  

I don't know.  I'm not a philosopher, I have no background in theology (nor any desire to), I am merely a human trying to navigate this experience called life.  Sometimes it feels huge and unruly, sometimes calm and serene.  Most of the time it just feels like a bumpy dirt road.  The kind that kicks up dust and makes a minor mess in the process. 

The storms that blew threw last night were violent.  The rain coming down was heavy and harsh.  Pretty sure a lot of my seeds were washed away.  Those that weren't will be stronger for the lesson of surviving the storm.  They also felt affirming, like they were trying to wash away some of the ugly that is going on. 

Who knows.  I sure don't.  All I know is by typing this out, the word has quit echoing in my head.  Maybe there is a bread crumb or two in this ramble that someone needed.  Maybe I needed it? 

Since it's silenced and I feel a deep calm.  I guess it's time to get busy.  Dry my hair and dig into the things that bring me joy and peace....

love and prayers... b

hello old friends...

I've been on an incredible journey.  I stopped worrying about a lot of the stuff I thought was important and started to slow things down, move them in a different direction.  I was backing up my blog today, something I have wanted to do forever, and realized it's been over six months since I sat down to write. 

I don't think it's ever been that long since I've dumped my thoughts and ideas.  Since I've shared or rambled.  I've been busy.  Busy living, busy learning, exploring things that have popped up and enjoying my family and close friends.  Mostly, I have been very introverted as I have walked along this path of discovery. 

Since I've been quiet I've discovered that I really enjoy participating in small craft fairs, something that will never make me wealthy, but will keep my hands and heart busy. I've been creating and learning new skills.  Seems I move through seasons with crafting the same way that I move through seasons with everything else. 

Since August I have found myself fully engrossed in a lot of "slow" work.  Embroidery, crocheting, and applique have been the primary projects.  I have been working on finally wrapping up a few dozen projects, nope... not wrapping up, but moving them towards completion.  

There have been hours spent learning to use my new longarm and we are becoming best friends and I adore the time spent quilting. 

Somewhere along the way, I became engrossed in working on our family trees and was finally able to make a very treasured connection for my sweet Hubs.  Now I am a touch obsessed and find myself wanting to visit graveyards far more frequently than is probably normal.

I put my garden to bed sometime in November and here it is time to start planting the cool weather seeds before the heat of summer sneaks in.  The red buds have already bloomed and I need to take some time to go an gather blossoms this week.  So many folks love the red bud jelly that I need to make sure I have an ample stash. Where does time seem to dash off to?

Hubs and I were chatting about time moving quickly, reminiscing about my 50th birthday party and how proud he was to bring so many of my dearest friends and family together for it.  I stumbled for a moment to remember how old I will be this year.  Hardly seems like it, but I will be 59 this year.  Not even remotely sure how that happened.  Wasn't I just in my 30's?  Hmmmm.... guess not. 

I've been engrossed in my journey with the Lord. Everyday I learn more, I travel down a road that I have walked passed many times in my life, never managing to glance much less explore.  Each road brings me greater clarity and appreciation.  It also brings me some regret.  So much I wish I had learned so long ago.  I often wonder what choices I would have made differently in my life, what paths would I have turned away from.  Many choices would have been different.  The beauty is that grace and redemption are there.  God never expected us to be perfect, he figured out real quick that we never would be.  But like any loving parent, he provided us the guidance to always come home. 

We spent the day chasing his roots,
seems the town is now under the lake.

Hubs and I are on the journey together and each step feels stronger than the one before. I truly am blessed.  All of this has been such a gift, it has taken away the angst and anxiety daily life was bringing.  It has given me the ability to live in a strange peacefulness that I have always felt was missing. 

throw the flying disk dad...

After we take the pups to the park (krap when speaking of it in their presence), we will fix dinner and tidy up for another night. I will curl up with my Bible, a cup of hot chocolate and read the book of Esther, it is Purim and we are all here for such a time as this. I love the story and I am looking forward to the peace before I head up to bed. 

I'm still wrapped up in a million things, with another million more swimming around in my brain that I am longing to share and have conversations about.  I don't know what the future holds for my sweet little blog.  Some days I feel overwhelmingly drawn to write, and then my daily tasks step into place and the day is gone and so is the urge to write.  

I'm not really sure what drew me to write today.  I've started probably five or six blog posts that ended up in the delete draft pile. Something made me long to reconnect.  I finished up the six batches of soap that I made this morning and early afternoon and brought my computer back down to my desk.  My old Chromebook that I have written most of these entries on has finally breathed it's last, I do believe. So I borrowed my own laptop for the lye calculators I needed. I might steal Hubs' Chromebook, he rarely ever uses it, who knows.  Plugging it back in my heart was pulled here. 

There has been so much going on in the world.  I have had many family and friends suffering from what seems like continual tragedy and chaos.  I think that is what caused me to step back, I want to help everyone and I know that I simply can't.  Then I get stuck in this bubble of not being able to do anything because I feel helpless.  It's a vicious circle. 

Just checking in

Me too!

I feel that is why I had to step away from so much.  I needed to find my center. I feel like I've found it, I feel ready to be part of the world again.  

never mind, it's nap time

Hopefully, I will be back.  Not sure how frequently, but hopefully it won't be six months. 

much love and many prayers... b

how does it grow...

This morning as I sat in the coolness of the garden with the pups around 430 am, I started to idly scrolling through social media, basically hoping to stay just awake enough for them to take care of business, but not so awake that I wouldn't fall back asleep.  

The first thing that popped up for me was a verse from the bible.  Ironically, it was not on a page noted for being "religious", more so for being holistic medicine.  I feel I was meant to see it, because this particular page hadn't been showing up for me lately... you know algorithms and such. 

It was 2 Timothy 4:3. "For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching.  But having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions.  And will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths." Those words were written around 2000 years ago, give or take a couple of hundred.  Yet reading them this morning it was as if it was describing our world today.  Are we living in that coming time?

One of the pastors that I listen to almost daily often says the Bible is a living document and the reason we should spend time reading it is because of the revelation knowledge that will come to us. She says that we can read a verse many times and then one day that verse will make complete sense. 

Our pastor that renewed our vows for us last night often says the same thing basically.  And even last night as he shared 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and it's deeper meaning with us.  I felt the same resonance. So many fail to realize the deeper meaning and to steal his words use it as a Hallmark card moment.  It isn't a Hallmark card, it is the deeper love that can only come when you invite Jesus into each moment. 

The words are living.  The words are there. 

This morning as Hubs and I sat and enjoyed our coffee and puppies in our normal morning routine we talked about how special our renewal ceremony was to both of us.  In truth, I did not feel strongly one way or the other about the renewal.  I'd promised to love, honor and cherish him 20 years before, I didn't realize the impact renewing the action would have on my heart. 

This morning, I am very thankful that it was the one thing Hubs truly wanted to do.  How many of us married folk flippantly say "of course I'd marry you again" and of course you truly mean it. But do you realize the power of it?   I can't say that I really did.  

It was only 30 minutes total of our life, nothing much really, if you look at it like that.  But standing there in the stillness of the darkened sanctuary, with just us and our pastors surrounded by the love and blessing of our heavenly father... it was so powerful, so affirming, so renewing.  There aren't really words to encompass it, the description fails me. 

that smile though!

I know I had tears running down my cheeks as we shared our hearts, prayed for the strength and love in our marriage and that of others, we both giggled a bit when our pastor reminded us to answer in the affirmative (if not it was going to get really weird to quote PK), Hubs later shared that his knees were shaking a bit through the ceremony, and through it all we felt blessed. 

We finished the day enjoying a wonderful dinner at one of Hubs' favorite restaurants with the girl and her precious daughters, so perfect since she was unable to be at our first wedding. She believes, as do we, that time spent with family is far more important than any gifts that can be given. 

Today officially starts the first full day of our next 20 years, and Hubs is already making plans for our next renewal. 

Marriage takes work. 

Hubs and I were talking about that this morning.  It isn't so much work like manual labor, but for some I guess it could be. As I was caring for the garden this morning after he left for work, it occurred to me that caring for a marriage is a lot like caring for my garden.  

You have to constantly evaluate things, prune away and discard diseased or damaged branches.  Those simply suck the life out of the plant and it will cease to be fruitful.  If either of you have inadvertently hurt or damaged the marriage, it needs to be dealt with then tossed in the compost pile.  It doesn't mean it wasn't there, it simply means that it doesn't need to stay there forever and rot the entire thing.  Besides once it is addressed and tossed in the compost pile, several things happen the compost pile decomposes it and it becomes a rich nutrient filled soil so that the garden can continue to thrive for years to come. And the plant heals, grows stronger because the damage has been removed, it thrives and is more fruitful than ever. 

You also have to weed it, removing things that do not belong.  I pulled the start of a small tree out of the middle of pepper plant this morning.  It was deeply buried beneath the foliage and if I hadn't been harvesting I would have missed it. As it was it was already about 3 inches tall.  If I had left it, it would have eventually killed the pepper plant.  I might have had a tree of some kind, but I am growing peppers. A marriage isn't really all that different. There are things that pop up, that aren't exactly bad on their own, and in the correct environment, but they sure don't belong in the middle of your marriage. Well, let me amend that... Jesus belongs in the middle, just like the frame that holds up those heavily laden fruit filled branches. 

It takes commitment.  Every morning I water my garden, unless it's raining and then I take time to thank God for the extra hand in the garden.  How often do we not take time to water our marriages daily.  My sweet Hubs has been making my coffee every morning for over twenty years, well he's missed maybe .01% of the days... shoot probably less than that. I told him when we were first dating that the Bible says men should make the coffee (Hebrews - duh - oh yeah I'm a brat), he definitely took it to heart.  It's probably the littlest thing in the world, but to me it screams I love you. 

If I fail to nourish the garden it ceases to produce and goes into full blown survival mode.  Wilting, yellowing, dying.  I grow my garden in planters, the only nutrients they get come from me.  When I get wrapped up in other things I sometimes forget to feed them and I quickly notice. A marriage or relationship of any kind is the same way.  We are all kind of like pots, if we aren't given external nourishment, we falter and fail.  

It also means a lot less of self. How many times are we tempted to put our own lives, desires, hobbies, goals etc ahead of our husbands or wives?  All of us fall to that, again we are human after all.  Sometimes that movie, sewing project, work project gets us all wrapped up, we lose track of time, we fail to do what we promised.  Not out of meanness or neglect, we don't intend to ignore, but sometimes we do.  It takes work to return our focus to where it needs to be. If I ignore my garden and fail to give it the proper attention, it rapidly becomes out of control, weed filled and in this heat wilted and dying. Time has to be made to take care of it. 

Our marriage isn't perfect, we are imperfect human beings.  Sometimes we fail one another.  Sometimes we cause pain, even when we don't mean to. Both of us pray over the other and we have always invited God into the middle of everything, even when we might not have admitted it to each other. 

I'm thankful for our life.  I cherish our love.  Over two decades ago God led me to my dear sweet Hubs, I am going to continue to lean into God to continue to be the best wife and life partner that I can be.  I'm looking forward to the rest of this incredible story. 

a kiss to build a dream on...

I guess I never bounced back to 2 Timothy... somehow I got lost in remembering the beauty of yesterday. It's definitely a verse that I am going to be spending more time exploring and striving to "learn" from. 

For now... I am going to wrap this one up and get ready to go to the dentist... ugghhh.... 

love and prayers... b

counting blessings...

So... I've got a serious question, do you feel blessed?  Do you feel like you are walking in faith and blessings?  I often do.  I sometimes get caught up in the media, in all formats and start to doubt that I am blessed, I start to feel fear creeping into the corners of my life, causing me anxiety.  I start to get caught up in the narrative that is being forced onto us in ways that I cannot fathom or explain. Yet, each time, I feel drawn to step away.  To stop and bow my head and spend more time in silence, less time in the world. 

This morning as I was working on finishing up a quilt, I also spent time listening to a pastor that I have discovered.  Her way of speaking is hard to listen to at first, but somewhere in the midst of it all I feel the power of her words.  I feel hope, joy and an erasure of the fear that the "world" has worked to instill.  I start actually counting my blessings and I am able to once again rejoice and feel the huge weight that is being forced down on all of us start lifting off.  I feel pure love filling my soul and speaking to my spirit once again.  

After listening to her, I struggle to listen to the other things, even casually, I simply don't want to hear it or be a part of it.  I think that is some of what is leading me to spending more and more time alone. In peace.  

I didn't end up going anywhere yesterday.  Instead I loaded another of the old quilts that have lived for decades in my sewing studio unfinished.  This one was created by my great-grandmother, who knows how long ago. It has been in my possession for literally decades. My great grandmother passed away in 1979, long before my children were born, long before I had even become an adult.  Somewhere in the 1980's I believe it was my grandmother sent me a box of fabrics and unfinished things that my great grandmother had been working on. 

piecing done by Mildren P. Rounds
sometime prior to 1975

My great grandmother was incredibly talented and crafty.  She was forever making things and I am actually blessed to be the keeper of a portion of her legacy.  I've made a few smaller pieces over the decades.  I've puttered around with the things from that magic box, but I was never willing to machine quilt the tops.  I had convinced myself that they had to be completed by hand, please don't ask why, because I don't have an answer.  I guess I just listened to the quilt police that insisted that vintage (at that point they were just vintage) quilts had to be quilted by hand or you would somehow tarnish the integrity of the work.  Make them less than.  So for decades the precious tops have languished sitting in stacks of projects to be completed at a future date and time when I had the time to sit for weeks on end carefully putting in the tiny stitches that the experts claimed were required. 

Somewhere along the way, I started to mourn the love that she had put into creating those tops.  Mourn the fact that they were sitting in a pile, unused and unloved, simply because I didn't have the time to finish them.  I was busy doing life as we have been conditioned to do it. 

Several of her tops are in that pile I am attacking at the current time. Yesterday I finally quilted one of her tops.  I started to do a fancy design, and within the first 6 inches I knew that isn't how I wanted to finish the quilt.  It wasn't what it was asking for, yep that sounds absolutely crazy, but I have always had a sense for how to quilt a quilt.  I never plan it, it simply happens.  This needed a simple meander, nothing fancy, just something efficient.  It needed to be completed and used.  

This morning I finished the binding.  It's now waiting to be washed these tops have sat for a very long time.  There are dirt marks, possibly stains now, although I hope and pray they are not permanent.  Hubs keeps asking me what my plans are for these quilts.  Hate to tell him, but my plan is simply to use them.  To wrap myself on cold winter mornings in front of a fire, to snuggle with puppies and grand babies under and cherish the history that was so unselfishly passed down to me. 

To celebrate the legacy that was given to me to protect and pass forward.  Do I know if my kids will love and cherish them when I am gone?  I have absolutely no idea, I may leave them for someone else.  They skipped a few generations in coming to me, maybe that is what will happen to them when that time comes. Maybe that legacy isn't something my own children will carry forward, neither of them have my passion for quilts.  My boy used to love sleeping under one when he was younger, I don't know how the grown man feels about them now. That isn't what I am focusing on at this time.  At this time, I am cherishing the gifts that were given to me. 

I need to go an purchase the backing material for the next quilt, which is why I haven't started it yet.  Or I am fairly positive that I would be down at the longarm already.  The next one is also one of my great grandmother's it is a series of sailboats in a multitude of colors.  I am not sure if I will use a simple white or something that will tie into a color on the front, I guess I will decide that once I head to the store.  Initially, I was drawn to the white, but the more I have looked at it, the stronger the feeling to do a color that will compliment the boats.  There is no sashing on this one, it is simply white with sailboats.  Who knows, I will figure it out when the time is right.  

It feels so amazing to be completing so many unfinished things.  I hadn't realized how much their unfinished state was bothering me.  I feel like I am in a frenzy to complete them, to finally give them life. I'm weird, I know.   

a rare still photo of sweet Belle
peaking up from her favorite corner of the 
man cave sofa

I have a bad habit though, when I get engrossed in something, I tend to ignore the rest of life.  So today I am actually forcing myself to do some of my other tasks.  Washing up the remaining laundry, it has nothing to do with the quilts I want to wash, I promise (she says with her fingers crossed to prevent it from being a lie).  I am cleaning the kitchen and planning my next canning sessions.  At some point in my life I will function as a normal human, not someone that becomes so manic about different projects.  I just don't know when that time will be. 

I am so very blessed in life.  God has held me in his loving embrace and provided so much that I didn't know I needed.  That I didn't realize was there, until I paused to reflect. It's September 1st, a year ago I was still struggling to be able to get out of bed and live my life fully.  I was four weeks out from a surgery I had dreaded and celebrated at the same time.  Today, I almost run up and down stairs, I chase puppies, I bend at the knees to pick things up from the floor.  There are many times now that I forget completely the surgery that improved my life, it's like it never happened.  There are still moments I am reminded that it did, where the tinge of pain from pushing it a touch too far will remind me, or I see the scar.  For the most part, I simply forget.

I never forget to thank God for the blessings he has showered me with, although sometimes I don't acknowledge it out loud.  Mostly out of fear of offending someone else.  I'm tired of that.  If it offends you, don't listen.  It offends me that I have to watch my words and feelings so much.  I am so thankful for the life I have, for the blessings that abound, for the joy and happiness that I have in this life.  I'm choosing to walk in faith, to celebrate my God who provided it all, and to know that even though things are being painted with darkness and fear that there is no reason to feel those things, because they are an illusion. 

Well... I guess I should go do some of those other "chores" and get my home in order.  It felt amazing to tidy the upper floor this morning, so I know that I need to do the rest of it.  Besides the fabric store isn't open for an hour yet... I see sailboats in my near future.

love and prayers... and oh yeah... count your blessings - the peace it brings is incredible!

celebrating...

Happy Independence Day!  For as long as I can remember as a kid, this used to be my favorite day.  I loved the parades, barbecues, gathering with family and friends, the sparkler sticks and fireworks.  Mostly I loved the goosebumps I would get listening to Lee Greenwood sing "God Bless the USA".  

My favorite memory of it was in Sembach, Germany... what seems like a lifetime ago. We were sitting there watching the fireworks, near the speakers so they blended perfectly.  As a military brat July 4th has always been special.  Our families were asked to sacrifice a normal childhood, our "sponsor" often gone and too many times in a danger zone.  We gave up a lot of things that most people took for granted.  So to me being gathered with the "family" that you created to replace the ones you were far away from was priceless. 

It's not the same since I am no longer directly connected to the military.  That is something that is sacred and special to me. I am still thankful for every moment of it, but I no longer gather.  I am far less of a "joiner" and this year in particular I've decided to not do fireworks.  It is the puppies first 4th, I am helping them navigate the loud booms and chaos.  Thankfully, it is going well, they are freaked out for a moment or two when they first start, running through the house barking and trying to figure out the source of "danger".  If I get them in bed before it starts even that doesn't happen.  They curl up beside mommy, feel safe and sleep.  

There is so much hatred, division and lack of common sense running rampant right now, that I simply do not feel good being out in groups and such.  I am happier in my bubble.  I don't want to be a part of any of that.  I am reading a very interesting book right now, and it speaks to all of what we are experiencing today, in this time.  Ironically, it was written in 1991.  If that doesn't speak to the intentionality of these times, I simply can't explain it. 

As we are celebrating our Independence, we are a country that is being destroyed.  It's heartbreaking.  It literally brings tears to my eyes.  As sadly so very much of it, if not all of it, is intentional. And listening to politicians makes me realize that there really are war drums being beaten.  There is a lot of money in wars, just look at what is going on in Ukraine.  Who do you think will ultimately pay for that war? 

The cost of those kind of things is far too high.  They are lowering requirements to join the army, seems they don't have enough troops.  Enough?  Or just not enough that are willing to allow themselves to be used as guinea pigs for "trust the science"?  If they are saying they do not have enough troops... what are their next steps? Drafting our young men?  Will it extend to the young women?  

I'm not happy with the things going on lately.  I am not in a comfortable spot where all of it is concerned.  But I continue to have faith in all that has led us to be a shining light.  I pray that there are still enough people alive that have actually read our Constitution and fully understand all of the true rights it gives us. I have faith that there are enough people that know and are able to see through all of the vitriol and deceit that is being wrapped ever tighter around us, to understand that the division and hatred is deliberately being stirred. 

That pot of deceit, hatred, bitterness, lies and twisted facts is being stirred hard.  Because a people that do not trust or stand together are easily controlled and destroyed.  Sadly, I know many folks that are far too willing to take a face value what is told to them.  They have lost the ability to be discerning and to use critical thinking.  

There is absolutely nothing wrong with questioning everything.  With refusing to be manipulated.  When things don't make sense we need to be strong enough in our convictions to question it, to push those envelopes and to stand strong against things that do not match up with our Constitutional rights. 

So many people have laid down their lives to protect those beautiful rights.  So many more have twisted their meanings and tried to make it invalid.  So many younger people today have not learned about the things that make them truly free people, so they don't defend that precious gift. Our education system did that.  Maybe instead of marching in the streets or outside of homes and posting meme's to express displeasure, if they understood the value of those bits of paper, they would realize that the power is truly theirs.  

I was blessed to experience first hand, so many of the fairy tales that are thrown about in regards to the wonders of countries without that precious piece of paper.  I know first hand, that I would never choose to be a citizen of those countries.  In far too many cases, the trade off is not worth the freedom that will be lost forever. 

This Independence day, I am choosing to stay home.  I am choosing to honor the lives sacrificed so that we are free and independent Americans.  I am thankful for them.  I honor them.  I honor the rights and freedoms that have been given to us since the founding of our country.

Our flag flies proudly outside our home.  A family that had defended our country since it's founding lives within the walls.  Happy Independence day, whether it is day off of work for play or a time of reverence and celebration for the gifts given, I hope that you are celebrating in whatever way brings you joy and happiness.  Enjoy your freedom to feel however you feel!

assumptions...

Washing up the breakfast dishes, staring out the window wondering why the birds weren't swarming the feeders yet this morning I was suddenly overcome with the stomach sinking feeling that I hadn't heard a peep out of the pups in at least 10 minutes.  Just like a mom with toddlers, silence instills immense fear.  What could they possibly be up to now?  Grabbing the towel to dry my hands and walking quickly to the other room, I had to quietly swallow my laugh.  How quick I am to assume they are up to no good, when the sweet little fur balls were curled up on a single pillow snoring away, yes, Belle is a snoring pup!!

Walking back to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup and sit down to write I started thinking about assumptions.  I try not to assume, but I do believe it is a very strong human instinct.  Mom's assume their babies are into trouble, no matter the age when they become quiet or distant.  I'm sure on a very deep level it's a protective thing, it sure had me scurrying to the other room, hoping they were alright. Wondering what they had joyously destroyed.

I started wondering about the other kind of assumptions at that point.  I had a deep conversation with one of my sisters last night and as I was drifting to sleep I was processing a few things that we talked about.  Then I was watching a few video's this morning celebrating a child that people assumed would never care for himself - FYI - he's rocking it at life and even has a job now. 

A friend posted about her husband's battle with PTSD, he's young - he's seen and experienced far too much, yet with love he is thriving. He still struggles, there is a sadness in his eyes that I never saw when he was a young boy playing in the woods with my son. Even so, he's a great father, seems to be a fantastic husband and a deeply caring young man. 

Speaking with my nephew about his new job as a tutor at the local community college he was telling me about his experience with "non-traditional" students, I was deeply impressed with the empathy he displayed.  He's an incredibly smart young man, yet he understood this older woman's frustration with technology and didn't assume she was stupid. 

How often do we assume things about people without knowing more about it, about them?  What are the underlying reasons for things that don't mesh with what we view as normal? Do we meet them where they are with love and compassion in our hearts or do we meet them with judgement because they don't meet our standards?  

Sadly, I feel a first instinct is the move back from someone that is different, to step back and assess. Note I didn't say judge, although I know far too many people that do that. I tend to not lean in until I have determined if you are "safe" where I am concerned.  For that reason I have often been labeled throughout my life.  Now that I am older I don't hear it as much, for a large part because I have grown past that protective shield I once carried at all times.  Because I rarely worry about how someone I don't know will judge me, I am me.  Like it or leave it, I only need to be true to myself.  If I reach out to you in love and grace, then I expect the same in return.  If that isn't the case, there might be a time or two more that I will try, but at that point I walk away.  

I am not here to make you love, respect, like, appreciate or a million other things... me.  I am here to learn lessons, to experience this amazing planet and to live the best life I am capable of.  I am here for my soul to grow.  

Not a single soul on this planet is perfect.  Far from it.  Over the past few years I have come to embrace the theory that we are all here on planet Earth to learn.  I personally do believe that we return as many times as need be to learn all that we can, to fully experience life. I believe that the soul is eternal.  I often wonder if that snap judgement of others or situations lies deeper, in things that we personally have either experienced and learned from or in a reflection of a lesson echoing through time?  

All of us have said, done, reacted to and experienced life in many ways.  We all have moments that we are not proud of, we all have things that we truly wish we could have done better, there are things that all of us fail at.  So who are we to judge or assume anything. If I see you doing harm, I will not engage further with you.  I might not engage with you, but I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers and wish good for you, for the reason for things to change or be revealed. 

On the flip side, when I encounter someone doing good, I want to join the cause.  I want to celebrate and uplift that which is pure. And no I am absolutely not the judge of right or wrong, good or bad.  But if your actions are harmful, I will remove myself from the situation. 

I'm not sure what Hubs slipped in my coffee this morning that has me being so deeply introspective or if it was simply combination of conversations yesterday that have my brain in overdrive.  

I'm in a very calm and peaceful place.  I just have questions, thoughts and ideas that I am exploring this morning. 

My sweet pups are awake and it's a nice morning, so I think we are going to go for our walk. Let them smell the smells, and run in the remaining snow.  We will probably get a walk at the park in also, but that will highly depend on the amount of mud.  While I adore snow, and even the rain storms, I abhor mud.  That mess... yuck... 

I hope that all of us takes that moment to probe deeper when we are faced with an assumption.  To learn the real reason behind something instead of looking at the surface as it is presented to us. To not fall into that old adage about the meaning of assume... 

love and peace...

marshmallow world...

I'm struggling to wake up today.  I mean I am physically awake, but had puppy patrol from almost 1 - 3 am.  Hubs woke up at 330 and thankfully let me fall back asleep.  I will admit to struggling a bit this morning.  Not all together sure the separate kennel at night was a great idea. But we'll keep working on it.  We also left them kenneled for a few hours to human yesterday, so they were not at all tired. The only positive thing about that middle of the night puppy party, I actually got to be the first one to wish my boy a happy birthday, twice - because the first time, it was the 15th here, but not yet in his time zone. 

I woke up around 7 am, got morning snuggles from my little fur balls and they put themselves to bed in the same kennel.  So they might sleep for a bit.  Hubs, bless his tired heart, has gone back to sleep for a bit.  So it's just me, my beautiful fire and the snow falling outside the window.  There isn't much accumulation, but enough that it looks beautiful. I'm only feeling a tad like I should do something other than sit here drinking coffee and relaxing.  Not enough that I plan to change my plans, even though my house is more of a wreak than if I had human toddlers on the loose.  I'm just not feeling it. 

I've been looking for the past few days at a Windows based computer, as my Chromebook will not work with my new Cricut.  To say that I am suffering from comparison paralyzation is an absolute understatement. I spent hours chatting with my son about the best investment for what I am actually going to do with it.  He stays up to date on things like that, me... I'm happy with my little Chromebook, it serves my purpose and keeps me doing what I want to do, until now. Switching is going to be tough for me, well, let me clarify, I don't intend to actually switch.  I will still use my Chromebook for most everything I am going to do.  I will use the laptop for other things.  I've used a Chromebook for a really, really long time. I don't spend much time doing things that would require an actual computer with storage. Reality is that I don't intend to either.  

So after many days of reading, learning, doing homework... I have decided I still don't know which one I am going to get. I might just run it from my phone for a little while.  Or I will just put the one's I am considering in a box and draw a name.  Like my boy said, they are all basically the same, using basically the same parts etc, the differences are primarily in the plastics and construction quality.  Especially since I am not buying a gaming computer. I'd loved his thought process (he might take after me a bit) when he said if you are going to buy a cheap computer might as well spend as little as possible. I might add that he is a heavy gamer and dabbles with programming all the time so the ones I am looking at are worthless to him. 

There is definitely something about a snowy day that makes me lazy!  When Hubs and the Pups wake we are going to take our first official walk in the snow - frankly I cannot wait, I love walking in the snow and this is more snow than the Pups have experienced as of yet.  If I'm not walking in the snow, I can literally sit for hours and watch it fall.  It takes me back to one of the few memories I have from childhood at Grammie's, our uncle took us kids to ice skate on the creek near the house and then we walked up to the Dairy Queen for ice cream.  It was absolutely wonderful.  I remember the frozen cat tails along the creek, the snow, the fun.  I couldn't describe it, as it feels more like an emotional memory than one I can picture.  But my heart soars with long walks in the snow.  We haven't had much in the past few years and I am missing it a lot. Honestly, if I was more familiar with my new car I would go off in search of deeper snow, but I'm not and don't want to repeat the experience that happened when Hubs bought my bug.  

I think I am going to put on a podcast and lose myself in some knitting while the fire is crackling, the coffee is hot and it's quiet.  Hubs will wake up shortly and we will have breakfast and start the day... 

love and peace...

sunrises...

This week is flying past, I cannot believe it is already Wednesday.  It's off to a great start, not even going to kid myself about that one.  Puppies slept through the night for the second night in a row.  They outgrew the kennel that is upstairs so they've been sleeping in the big kennel on the main floor.  Unbelievably, they stopped waking up in the middle of the night when that happened.  I'm now debating if I want a second kennel, or will just allow them to stay in this one until they are trained enough to sleep on their beds all night without destroying the house. I could seriously get used to sleeping at least 8 hours again.  I'm just saying it's a really nice feeling. 

I so enjoyed seeing the sunrise instead of the stars when I woke up.  I also prefer to take them outside in the light, they still don't know what a leash is and we do have a few wild critters out back.  So taking them out in the middle of the night is way more anxiety inducing than I am up for in the wee hours.  Add to that, they aren't able to handle the stairs on their own yet, and they are getting a bit big to carry up and down the stairs in the middle of the night.  I am far more stable than I was even a month ago, but I still get a bit nervous.  I can't believe they are 9 weeks old today.  Time is simply flying past. 

Spent this morning taking care of "business" the stuff that happens when you buy a vehicle, almost feeling I should invest in a lottery ticket or something, that's how smooth it all is going.  Called the insurance company and felt the familiar sinking in the stomach that comes with the automated voice telling me my wait would be 20 minutes, only to be listening to my options and trying to decide what to pick and getting a real person in the middle of it.  Twelve full minutes later, I am done!  I needed the mental victory today!

Heck, I wish I could share the victory.  Hubs and I have so many dear family and friends that are struggling hard right now and we would give anything to be able to make things better for them.  Tomorrow night we will go straight from the puppies first vet appointment to a memorial service for a dear friends sister.  I wish I could be there to support my sister this weekend, but I am not sure I could make it happen.  I also don't want to be more of a burden on her. So much hurt in the world right now. 

I have a ton of errands to take care of maybe today, I can't remember where all I need to go to do things like registering my car and getting my plates after I pay the taxes.  Ya know, the "good stuff".  All I remember is that it is a total pain in the bum and you can't do any of it in the same place. Not going to say I am excited about that adventure.  

So weird had no where to be for seven months get a car and there are errands that need ran.  I guess Hubs was spoiling me pretty good after my car died and I had my knee replaced.  Time to start being an equal partner in this relationship again. I have been so grateful for all of his love and support, I firmly believe that is the true measure of love, when you are simply there.  And to the point the other person doesn't have to worry, stress or even realize that they've done it all until you are ready to step back into the game. We are always there for one another.  I am truly blessed and grateful for that. 

FYI - we are not spoiled!

It's time to try to tidy my house again now that the babies are taking another morning nap (they must be growing - they sure nap a lot lately), I have floors to mop, laundry to finish and I am seriously trying to work on decluttering the house (not making much progress, but I am trying).  

love and peace everyone!

a toast...

Less than eleven hours left until 2021 is simply a number we have moved past.  When we wake up tomorrow the calendar will say we are in a new year.  I've been up in my sewing room working on a project, Hubs has been watching movies and entertaining our sweet puppies that appear to be needing lots of rest the past two days, or maybe they have been sleeping that much all along and we were too busy snuggling to notice. Our daily world is pretty much the same as always except for the fact that Hubs has a holiday from work.

Poor Hubs is looking far worse for the wear and I am very thankful that my knee prevents me from getting on the floor easily to play with the pups.  Their little nails have led him to looking like he's wandered through a smashed glass window. Although I believe he is loving the sweet babies and the energy they bring to our lives.  I am sure his split lip and cuts to his nose will heal just fine and he will forgive them. 

As I was stitching I was listening to a couple of astrologers that I really enjoy.  The share the flavor of the astrology, but they do not tell you this or that will happen.  I like that.  As I was listening to them, I was pondering a bit of what they were chatting about.  It sounds like astrologically the next few years are going to be... well dumpster fire is what comes to mind.  Although it also sounds like it will be our personal choice if we participate or not, it will be up to us to determine how much of the chaos we choose to participate in.  Truthfully, I think that has always been our choice. 

One of the questions they asked us to consider involved where is our own line in the sand so to speak.  So much of what they were talking about resonated loudly with me.  Focusing on prayer, meditation, looking for the helpers, being the helpers.  Intentional attention to our planet, the animals, to planting food that is nutritious and filling. Asking us to take care of our planet, to look at how we do things and to look to see if there is another way to do it. 

I spent some time looking at small bits of my life.  Creating, celebrating, collaborating, finding ways to expand my physical, mental and spiritual health. Finding more ways to attract abundance to our lives in many ways.

I refuse to make resolutions, those are simply an opportunity to let yourself down, to destroy all of the good intentions and ideas when you rapidly wrote them out.  Because we all make basically the same resolutions each year.  Who hasn't said they will lose (or gain) weight, exercise a certain amount, make more money, clean their house, work on promotions, etc.  Those are pretty basic things, a bubble of physical things. They always seem to be about changing things about ourselves, who we are and our habits. 

I want to dig deeper.  I want to plan differently. 

As we wrap up this year, I want to celebrate all the different layers of who I am and focus intentions on further developing and growing those things.  I don't want to feel that in order to succeed I have to remake myself.  Because I don't, none of us do.  I firmly believe that we are all here at this time to find our true selves and expand that beautiful being. 

Now, I also want to say that in finding that person, there are things that are external that I do want to further remove from my life. I do want to continue to pare away some of the things that I have been conditioned to believe, taught to experience in my daily life.  There are things that I feel strongly about, that I have been pushing aside, that I am no longer going to push aside. 

I am terribly afraid that in 2022 I might be accused of being a bit self-centered.  I don't like that idea, I don't even like the feeling.  Truth be told for most of my life, everyone, everything, every responsibility has come before my own self-care.  I know a lot of people like that, and I have probably told you so if you are one of them.  

I still intend to care deeply, to give of myself and to lift others up as high as possible.  On the other side of that coin, I intend to devote more time and energy to self-care.  If my own cup is empty, what on earth do I have to pour from? And by self-care, I am definitely not talking about candlelight, bubble baths and champagne, although those don't hurt from time to time. 

No, self-care is something that I started working on this year.  It's taking care of my own needs, my own growth.  It's letting go of things, energy, ideas, and just general crap that do not serve me any longer.  I started purging a lot of that this year.  I intend to continue on that path.  I find I have more to give to others when I feel that my own needs are being met, that I am not doing things because I am obligated, more so because I want to do them. 

I'm sitting here in my favorite chair, gazing out the window at the beauty of the world resting for the winter (that hasn't quite decided to come).  The pups are snoozing, the Hubs is now snoozing and I am in a great mental spot.  I am reflecting on the person I was on January 1, 2021.  I remember staying up with Hubs, I remember standing outside in the bitter cold, staring up at the stars and yelling happy new year!  Toasting it in with wine and a kiss.  Confidently saying that 2021 was going to be our year.  Ironically, as the clock is ticking down on 2021, I am feeling like I am comfortably safe in saying, this year definitely provided many needed changes.  Brought balance.  It started a year of rebirth.  

I am looking forward with wonder and awe.  I am excited to see this new year unfolding.  So many things are changing.  I don't know if any of us really disconnect enough to savor and experience them in their purest forms.  Most of us look at things through some foggy haze.  We often think what we are told to think, feel what the "herd" wants us to feel.  But do we stop and really feel?  Do we reason through the information we are given and then ask our deepest heart to help us process it?  Or do we wait for instructions?

This upcoming year is going to be focused on that very thing.  I want to listen to my heart a whole lot more and the outside noise a whole lot less.  I want to spend more time in nature, less time on social media.  More time creating, less time destroying.  

I know this feels rambling, I'm still clarifying my thoughts and plan for the year to come.  I think I am on the right path for me though... 

So cheers to 2021, it's been full of growth, opportunities, doors opening and so much healing.  I am grateful for the lessons and changes. 

See you in 2022... I am working on defining my line in the sand, it's not too different than it's always been...

love and peace... 

the view...

I'm sitting in one of my two favorite spots, enjoying one of my favorite views.  The sitting room has a huge eastern facing bay picture window.  I can enjoy it from in there when a fire is burning.  Although my favorite place to enjoy it is from the front room.  It's perfectly framed by the arch between the rooms.  I love sitting in the darkness, the only light from the rising sun and the globe with my Dad's ashes. 

Watching a sunrise out that window from the distance feels energizing and reaffirming.  I enjoy watching the vibrant oranges, reds and golds breaking through the trees.  My plants create an indoor jungle in front of the window.  No matter the season there is a green canopy the sunrise shines through. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about 2020.  Maybe it is because it's already December and we are within weeks of the end of the year.  Maybe it's because for so much of the year it has seemed dark. This week, I have been doing some soul searching.  I've really been trying to block out external influences and go deep within.  

I am often in search of the lesson we are here to learn as I strongly believe that we are not just here to wake up, go to work, and eventually die. I have always firmly believed that we are here for a purpose, to learn lessons, to become more than we are. 

Maybe it is the reason I often push back against accepting the norm.  It's not my thing.  I don't do well when placed inside a virtual box and told to accept what I am being told. I resist. 

For me 2020 has been a year of revelations, experiences, awakenings.  Thoughts, feelings and concerns that were blurry items just out of my line of sight have been brought more into focus. Parts of who I am and things that have always made me feel odd and out of place have finally started to make sense. 

Maybe that is some of the reason that I find such solace sitting here in the darkness watching the show that the morning sky puts on. I am definitely a person that thrives in nature. I can easily loose myself in a forest, sitting on the edge of a lake, or most definitely walking along an empty beach in the early morning hours.  It's been several decades since I have done that. I miss it.  

I cherish the moments of revealing.  This morning I sat here for almost an hour, in the darkness, staring out the window, drinking coffee and reflecting.  Reflecting on the year, reflecting on this past week.  On thoughts, feelings, hopes and prayers.  

The view before sunrise is varying depths of deep blue/black velvet.  The sky shimmers with splashes of light, the woods behind my home are still and a almost impenetrable violet.  At that time of the morning the nocturnal creatures are returning to their resting areas having finished their nightly hunts and scavenging.

I hate to turn on sound, lights or anything that might disrupt that moment.  I think that is one of my favorite things about weekend mornings.  I am fairly sure the only thing I am okay with stealing that deep, dark silence is when Hubs and I enjoy a fire either inside or out. The natural light does not bother me one bit. 

Most people I know describe this year in negative terms.  They either didn't or can't look for the light in the darkness. 

I have to say, as much as I miss my children (even the one close, they are on their own soul journey's) I have found much to celebrate and experience this year. For this old fashioned girl that has never fit into our modern world, I feel blessed. 

This past week was a prime example of what I am talking about.  It had the possibility of being just another horrible event in a year that has brought out some of the worst in people.  Instead, I felt like it defined lessons that we've been learning, albeit the hard way.  A person I know found that due to some job changes, a quarantine and other stupid stuff they would be going for a month without a substantial paycheck.  That's a long time in the best of circumstances.  But in a month that has the promise of cold weather and Christmas when you have children, it could have been devastating. 

My heart was hurting so bad and I lost many hours of sleep.  I was praying and trying to find a way to help. This person was so gracious, although you could see the hurt in their eyes.  I can only imagine the stress and pain it caused.  It was only Monday, I was crushed.  I hate feeling helpless in the light of a fellow human suffering, it sometimes consumes me. 

 

By Wednesday, I watched people helping people. By Thursday, I sat and cried. Tears of pure joy. Prayers were answered, hope was restored.  You see, for me, I believe that we are here to learn to simply love unconditionally.  To give without question and to lift each other up. 

I think that is what I love the most about my job.  I really couldn't care less about the fitness part.  I know it's value, but it isn't by any stretch my passion. But as I watched the Angel Tree applications roll in I was terrified.  Our membership is down, people are afraid to come in, it's frightening to see so much need and not know how it will come together.  The tree went up, the Angels gently placed, wishes to heaven from families that this year has caused greater struggles. In the midst of helping our friend I forgot to get my Angels.  I will pick them Monday, hopefully there will be a few left. I love the human connection. It fills my heart to help others.  Those little white angels are literally flying off the tree. People helping people, regardless of their own situation in life. 

I'm tired of the ugly, angry, divisiveness that the world has suffered from for far too long.  Hatred over stupid things that simply don't matter.  Religion, beliefs, color, politics, masks... when do we realize that these things and many others that are causing pain are man made.  Created to cause hurt and pain. Judgement is not ours.  We need to stop. Our very souls long for connection and wholeness.

I am ready to leave the darkness behind.  I am ready to walk in the light of love and joy. I long for a world filled with love, compassion, caring, where we call all acknowledge that we are one.  Where we can realize that together there is absolutely nothing we can't accomplish.  For a very long time I have watched.  I will continue to watch because that is how we learn.  

Every year my Christmas wish is peace.  It still is.  Although I feel it needs to expand.  It needs to also include love, compassion, knowledge, discernment, a willingness to learn, love and grow.

Have I finally lost it?  Have I finally asked for far too much? 

I'm not done learning.  I am sure there is much more I am here to learn... 

pickup man...

Brrrr... I had to give in, I was sitting out on the deck with my sweet Hubs, enjoying the cool fall evening and a restful day of vacation.  I guess I am not as tough as I thought, because I am still shivering.  The deeper the sun sank the more bitter the cold wind became. Even my jacket and fuzzy blanket could not compete.  

He will just have to sit out there alone, smoking his cigar, listening to smooth jazz and laughing at funny pictures and pranks.

I am so blessed to have this sweet man in my life.  He tries so hard to never let anyone see that he is nothing more than a marshmallow.  Even his outside isn't as rough as he'd like you to believe.  And his inside, is more the consistency of a toasted marshmallow. 

We ran a few errands today, we needed to pick up a few supplies at the hardware store.  His determination, the "no challenge I can't solve" mentality are fun. He was determined to make that old receiver pick up more channels, no sense in getting something new.  I needed some odds and ends for gifts I am making. After wandering, searching, asking for help and finding a "solution" we headed out.  I'd skipped breakfast and couldn't wait to get home for lunch it was after one and I was working on a massive headache. 

Lost in chatter and plans I saw the moment it happened.  There was a lady and her teenage daughter trying to shove a 4 x 7 piece of plywood into the back of her Kia Soul.  It was definitely not happening.  His eyes wandered over a couple of times as we walked past and got in the pick up.  My little 2 x 4 sheet of wood didn't even need the bed of a truck, and there she was trying desperately to put it into the back seat by this time. I don't know if you are familiar with the size of a Kia, but I can tell you, it stuck out the door by a good 2 feet or so.  

I kept telling him, go ahead, I can see it on your face, you are going to go help her.  There was that little twitch in his dimple, the one that always lets me know I am dead on target. A slight glimmer in his eyes.  It's who he is.  He might talk gruff, he might tell you he isn't going to do something, and all the while his very soul is moving him into action. 

As we pulled beside her and offered to drive it to her house, she was flustered and embarrassed.  I would have been too. As she reluctantly agreed he pulled up behind her so they could put it in back. 

I'm not sure if it was the gesture, the attempt to appear tough and inconvenienced, those sparkling pretty blue eyes or simply him being him, but the words to "Pickup Man" by Joe Diffie started playing in my mind.  "There's something women like about a pickup man..." yep, there is!

He is definitely a pickup man.  

The whole way to her house we were laughing, because it looked until almost the last moment, like she was going to our own neighborhood.  It was close, just one street down and around the opposite corner. It took mere moments out of our journey home.  Seeing the car in the drive - there was no way that woman was getting that plywood home without help.  The SUV in the drive was even smaller. 

She'd sent her daughter scurrying for cash, I think she might have offended him a bit with that offer.  In that soft way of his, he just asked her to pay it forward. 

That is one of the things I love the most about him.  He is always paying it forward.  He will by a meal for an officer, one time he bought lunch for an entire group of soldiers, he simply doesn't think about it, he just does it. 

When I get crazy ideas, because I might top him in the crazy sometimes, he is always there to be my partner in crime.  He's always the first to offer a hand, to do a random act of kindness that no one will even catch. Oh he will grumble, that is who he is.  He can't let you see the softness.  He can't appear to be sweet. But he is. 

Today I was having problems with my foot.  As he worked to remove the knots in the muscles and release the pain, he noticed that I was drinking coffee - still and also notice that I hadn't been drinking much water.  A few moments later he appears with a cold class of mineral water, to make sure I was okay. 

He's a grumpy old guy some times.  He can growl with the best of them.  But under it all, is this amazingly attentive, dedicated, loving soul.  A man that builds me a fire and makes my coffee while allowing me to sleep to the very last moment, because he knows I need my sleep.  The guy that brings me dinner when my frantic rush to get things done around the house, means I forgot to pack dinner and I work late, he can be exhausted, wanting nothing more than to be asleep and he still shows up with something yummy. 

He is my soul mate.  The one I was meant to be with forever. I know this.  Time seems to flow.  Laughter seems to always happen.  Neither of us are perfect by far, together... well together we definitely seem to be. 

He carries hurts that I can't imagine. And still finds endless amounts of love to give.  He lost more than most, but if he doesn't tell you, you will never know.  He will tell you more inappropriate jokes than you can imagine (it's simply who he is) and he will do anything at all to help you find a smile you may have lost. 

I cherish my grumpy, ol' pickup man! He's always regretting being older, longing for his youth.  I wouldn't change a thing about him.  I know he came into my life at the right time.  I wouldn't have gotten along with him when he was younger. I love the softer, kinder, gentler, life worn man that I have.  I'm sad that he's had the blows that he's had, I firmly believe they have created that kind gentle soul. 

If you are ever struggling, I hope someone like my sweet Hubs is around to help you out, in fact if a guy with beautiful blue eyes, sparkly white hair and a bright red pickup asks if you need a hand it might just be him.  And if you ever meet up with someone that needs a hand, always try to pay it forward.