back to normal?

Hubs is upstairs showering and getting ready to return to work.  I've just finished my to do list and making plans for the day.  The pups are romping around in this sudden spring like weather, fueled by the unseasonable warmth.  It feels a lot like an every day normal kind of day. The routine being re-established and life getting ready to move forward in the ordinary kind of way. 

I've been struggling to maintain my routine while Hubs has been on vacation.  My life doesn't flow the way it used to when we both worked outside of the home, so when he wants me to sit and watch a show or do other things like that, it means my normal chores don't happen. I never thought I would feel "behind" at home.  Today, feels like a day to catch up, to complete the tasks and move things forward. 

This warm weather has me thinking about finally getting my door painted.  I've been putting it off for what feels like forever.  Not because I don't want to do it, but because with puppies, everything requires far more thought and planning. As the temperature will head firmly towards 70° I feel that I should probably get organized and start the year off solidly. The pups have mellowed so much and working on a project like painting the door should be a fairly easy task to complete without much interference.  

I am not someone that likes to alter or change my environment, once I have decided on how I want something to be, that tends to be it.  Yet there feels like there is something in the air that is drawing me make changes.  Things that I've accepted and felt okay with, no longer feel okay.  I want a cleaner, more streamlined environment.  I'm feeling a strong urge to be organized, no it has nothing to do with the fact that my daughter bought me the greatest labels for Christmas - maybe. 

All of my Christmas decorations are still up, I haven't felt the need to take them down, my plan is to do so on Saturday.  I want to pull all of my Christmas boxes out and finally clean them up.  So much clutter and "stuff" is stashed away it's time.  Every year Hubs and I talk about the need to take care of it, and every year we end up stuffing it away and saying we'll get to it in the spring or summer or... you see the trend right?

Last year would have been the first time I had the time to tackle it, but I was dealing with a new knee and two little puppies.  Neither of those situations encouraged the hours worth of time that I was going to need to spend. This year, it seems like the right time to tackle it. 

I guess I am as human as I fear, there are two times in the year when I feel absolutely driven for purging and changing things.  January and September, Spring is reserved for tackling my garden and outdoors.  But January and September are when I want to focus on the inside. 

Something about having a clean slate, washing away the clutter and debris that has been carried forward.  It feels rejuvenating.  I haven't put a lot of effort into quite a few things since Halloween.  I've focused more on the immediate, spending more time with family and engrossed in things that give instant satisfaction.  I gave myself permission to step back from a lot, and to just be in the moment.  

It's been fun, it's been healing.  I've allowed cobwebs to form in many areas, knowing I would deal with them in the new year.  Now that the new year has arrived, I feel ready.  I want to tackle the projects, I want to dive in head first.  I feel a need to actually mark things off of my to do list, not simply move them forward to the following week.  

It's time. 

As Hubs heads out to meet with folks and do the things, I will get busy. It felt good to work on my to do list today.  I felt complete.  The fact that I am sitting here typing, also feels full circle, I needed a break, I needed me time. Well, there are carrots to can, cranberry juice to make and a ton of other little jobs to accomplish today.  

It is definitely time.... 

love, prayers and hopes... 

welcome to the changes...

Hot coffee, warm fire, cool breeze, birds chirping, crackling wood and the peace of the morning while waiting for our yummy Lemon Ricotta muffins to come out of oven. Welcome Autumn, welcome Mabon this is a perfect start to my favorite season of the year!  

For me nothing beats the beauty and absolute peace that I find during this time of the year. The sudden shift in the weather has prompted the leaves to suddenly start to change, our tree out front has already started it's yearly leaf dump.  It doesn't gracefully drop leaves, a few multi-colored leaves per day, it simply dumps them all, one fell swoop.  One day full, the next day it's bare. 

I love the change.  It definitely fills my heart with absolute joy. 

I am officially past the seven week mark in my recovery journey and each morning has brought me a bit more in the way of freedoms and abilities.  I still wish that it wasn't so slow sometimes, but truthfully, I am slowly starting to move into a space where I appreciate it. It is teaching me to take a few more moments in time to savor things, to fully appreciate it all.  It is definitely the reset that I have needed after far too many years of moving far too fast.  No opportunity to slow down and savor the moments and life around me. 

my view doesn't suck

I am finding that I finally have the energy and time to make plans, to cook, to dream, to work on me as a human delving deeper than ever into my own spirituality.  It's invigorating. It's inspiring.  I don't think I ever really took the time in the past to dig into things that inspire me.  To find the things about myself that I find inspiring.

who knew grain-free could be yummy?

I don't miss the days of checking off boxes. 

Although it is very ironic I say that, because I have picked up a habit that I had long ago forgotten about, and it completely involves checking off boxes.  When I was a much younger woman, and trying to keep my life organized I make lists, LONG lists.  I did it a bit at work, but my home lists were the ones that I focused on.  To hold myself accountable to myself and my family. I stopped years ago.  The reason I stopped? Because it was depressing to see so many things left undone.  I was simply unable to keep up, if sleep was a hobby I wanted to continue to pursue. 

As I am starting my own business, creating the foundation and laying out my plan, I wanted to make sure that I organized all my bits and pieces.  That I didn't lose my way on my journey.  I do not ever want to return to the way things were. Where the everyday gets lost.  I need the every day, I crave it. I also know I am passionate about the path I am embarking on.  I need the two parts to come together seamlessly. 

I guess nowadays they refer to them as bullet journals, I don't know that I am that organized.  And I definitely know that I should have spent far more time practicing my penmanship as a young child if I was ever going to do one of those.  Mine looks more like chicken scratch, and I write far too large for a bullet journal.  I found a calendar that suits my needs perfectly.  It's spiral bound so I can write in it easily and it has LONG columns for the day.  I am able to put all of the things I want to focus on in it.  If it is completed it gets a highlighter line through it, if it lingers, it gets moved forward and scratched off.  If it is more personal healing type of item that I will not have the ability to complete on a new day, it simply gets lined through.  I know I didn't complete it, I gently scold myself and then set my intention to so better the next day. 

This is also helping with another issue I have found since I have walked out of the "real work world", for lack of a better way to put it, I finally remember what day it is.  I have lived in a bubble of not knowing for quite some time now.  Like a little child, time has become irrelevant, unless I had to be somewhere or someone needed something from me. Now that I am using my calendar, I can actually tell you the day of the week - if I look at the top of the column. 

We'd had a very busy weekend.  Installing fans/lights in the two rooms that had none - our friend definitely deserves a medal for his help with that beast of a project.  Tidying up from it was not a lot of fun either, but that is almost finished.  I need Hubs to carry down the supplies that will make me too off balanced on the stairs.  Taking the new mattress to the camper, woohoo, can't wait to sleep on something not sticking into my ribs and also hauling the old one into the truck - bulk pickup is tomorrow - goodbye old lumpy mattress! In the midst of all that we found time to drive through Lone Elk Park and take a walk or two and enjoy nature!

camera lens wasn't wide enough... full rainbow!

the harvest moon 2021

Monday as I was looking for something on "the desk" in the kitchen, I finally decided to do something about that disaster.  If you look closely in some of the pictures I've posted over the last few years, you will see it in the background taking on a life of it's own.  Anything not having a home, needing looked at again, or things needing shredded simply piled up there.  All of it was waiting for someday.  Guess what, someday simply doesn't come if you don't will it into existence.  And I knew I needed a clean work space.  I am that person that becomes paralyzed when surrounded by messes.  

my office space

It happens in my studio, it happens in the kitchen, when confronted with piles of ironing, etc.  I need it to be clean and organized to start, or I simply freeze.  I can't move forward. It's not even a matter of not wanting to, it's a matter of can't.  It's like my brain becomes obsessed with everything that isn't right.  Eventually, I will do what I did on Monday.  I will tackle it.  I will throw things away.  I will organize everything.  Or I will clean it to the state I need it to be able to function.  

Instead of a massive pile of crap, because most of it was just that.  I now have a clean desk set up and I even  felt brave and organized enough to get my new business cards out. I even started on my webpage.  It's not ready to share with the world yet, but the plan is coming to life.  Fresh air is lifting it higher into the light, simply by cleaning and clearing my space. 

Today I am going to clear space in my studio.  I am also going to start working on a project that has patiently waited for me to be strong enough.  I can finally stand and sit without my leg elevated enough to dig in.  I am fairly positive I will have the top and bottom of the quilt finished by the end of next week - normally it wouldn't take that long, but I have to respect my limits.  I will admit I am nervous of standing at my longarm machine for any length of time, but I also know that as quickly as I am healing, I might be able to move mountains before too long. 

Unless I get called for jury duty next week.  That will throw a monkey wrench in my plans.  I guess I will worry about that come Friday...

Well my friends... find a way to celebrate this wonderful first day of Autumn.  Celebrate Mabon and rejoice in the beauty that the changing world is showing us.  Life is far too short to not make time to find the joy in the smallest gift life gives you!

everyday life...

Chasing sunrises always starts a day off beautifully and this mornings did not disappoint!  Hubs came up from the man-cave just before sunrise and asked if I was ready for my morning walk.  I have to admit the twisted side of me wonders when he asks me that if I am his current puppy and feel the need to wag my tail.  But the normal side of me is so very thankful to his dedication to helping me recover and become strong and independent yet again. 

As we slowly made our walk, which I am excited to say I was able to add .1 miles to it.  That seems like so little, but for me it is a huge increase.  One more street light makes a world of difference. Every few days I am trying for another small victory, one more street light or maybe adding a small hill (not much - maybe just a few degrees).  The healing both physically and mentally is powerful! Add a beautiful sunrise and the happiness of the soul is elevated to an unreal level. 

I am sitting here "cooking" my leg right now, I have to do a full hour three times a day right now, and yesterday I missed one.  I didn't realize how important this step has been to my healing until I tried to sleep last night.  My leg ached no matter how I tried to sleep.  Note to self: Don't skip cooking! I cannot wait until it is not needed. 

This morning after our walk Hubs and I were hanging out in the treetop garden, the temperature at this time of the year is so beautiful and relaxing. Sipping coffee, watching the sunrise over the the trees and chatting is probably one of my favorite pastimes and I hate when we ultimately have to get up and get busy.  During the week that time always comes far too soon.  On the weekends we are often able to sit until we feel ready to start the day, today was no exception. 

We chatted about what the weekend holds for us, this is a honey-do weekend.  A friend is coming to help us install our fans/lights in the two front rooms, the guest room and and my studio get so warm and they do not have good lighting, which I can work around but it frustrates sweet Hubs to no end.  

I spent a few moments in my garden, harvesting tomato's and cleaning up beds as the season wears on and finally starting to really look at my fall planting.  I made a few a list of a few things I need to get and checked out my seed stock.  Pretty sure I can get another planting of radishes, lettuce and some spinach in before we have frost and as I have the seeds on hand, I believe I will.  I found my tools stashed in the garage, my seeds and gloves are ready, all I need now is some soil, the beds are a bit lean and could use a refill.  Depending on how install goes that might have to wait until tomorrow. 

I also noticed several of my houseplants need some attention also.  Sometimes it feels like there is more to do than there are hours to complete and others are semi-empty and the possibilities to fill that time are endless. 

Hubs is getting ready to pressure-wash the house and sidewalks.  I want to help so badly, I love pressure washing and the therapeutic nature of the back to back motion.  I know that I do not ready to tackle such a job, but it doesn't stop my desire to be out there.  I also know that pressure washing is not good for me with my mold allergies, it definitely stirs that up to the forefront. I wonder if he will notice if I am staring out the window longingly. Doubtful, he gets lost in the project also, so I know he will be immersed in his music and the rhythmic motions.  I guess I will leave him to enjoy it and focus on my own projects.  

He works so hard during the week, that I am super grateful for his willingness to spend the weekend doing the list of honey-do's that I cannot currently do for myself.  I get very frustrated when I cannot do the chores that I want to do.  One of my greatest joys of being home based now, is that I can take care of my home and provide a warm and welcome home for us. 

My contribution to the weekend will be doing some cooking for us.  I baked grain-free bread yesterday, it turned out amazing. Only needing to stand for a few moments of time is something I can easily do.  As he is loving that so much, today will involve making some grain-free nacho chips and of course he needs some cookies.  I think today will be pecan sandies.  Something perfect for enjoying with a hot cup of coffee or tea. 

I will also take care of washing the linens and those chores that will allow me to sit and rest when needed.  I feel like I am not carrying my weight in our lives right now, even while I try to remind myself that when he was so sick I carried all the weight. To me that doesn't really matter. I am not one of those people that believes in keeping score, I feel that we are both part of an incredible partnership and we each are responsible for lifting the other up when we are not strong enough.  I don't believe in 50/50, but at the same time I feel guilty when I cannot contribute at least that amount. 

I love these kind of weekends, they fill my heart with all the comforts of home.  The simple things that make a life and home.  Working with Hubs is one of my favorite things to do.  Whether we are puttering around the house, working in the yard, doing some woodworking, quilting, well simply anything it is perfect.  I am blessed, I love being married to my very best friend and soulmate.  I firmly believe that we were always meant to be together and I love the beauty that comes with that. 

Who knows what tomorrow will bring, if we get all our chores done maybe we will get to have a day of play or it may be a day of rest.  Some of it will depend on the weather and if the rain we are expecting actually decides to roll in. 

I hope each of you has time for things that fill your heart and soul this weekend... 

Love and peace...

everyday normal...

Ugghhhh... I suck as a human healing.  I want results now dang it all!! Actually that is only a tiny little voice in my head that might be a bit numb from the ice pack resting on my knee. I just have little windows of time where I give into that tiny voice.  This very moment is one of them. 

Doc warned me that mornings were not going to be a fan favorite for a while.  He explained in depth what causes it and that it will go on for a long time yet to come.  He warned me that at night I would feel like super woman, able to bend it and walk super smoothly only to wake up with all my progress gone.  

Ugggghhhhh... did he have to be right?  As a morning person, that is crazy frustrating.  It's enough to make me want to throw a full fledged temper tantrum.  To stomp my feet and act like I am two. 

That being said... why am I fussing about it?  I mean, it wasn't like I wasn't warned.  Nor is it like I am not going to do exactly what I want.  I just want the moment to complain that it isn't as easy as I wanted it to be. 

I mean it's not even eight in the morning yet, and I have already cut Hubs hair, cleaned up the bedroom and gone for a "walk"... yes a walk is what I am calling it.  It wasn't far, 1080 hard earned steps, but a walk just the same.  A full half mile and it only took me 15 minutes.  There was a moment in time that I could never have celebrated that. Now, I feel I want a gold medal. When I hit 5016 steps yesterday, I almost cried with joy.  There was a time that would have sunk me into a deep depression. It's all about perspective. 

Truth is, I will walk further tonight, on flatter ground.  This morning, I walked the path we used to walk our boys.  I wanted to see the sunrise.  I needed that joy in my life. It was worth the discomfort and need for ice right now. I took the path that involved small hills and uneven ground.  I really wanted to climb the hill to fully experience that beautiful sunrise, but I might be a touch special, I am not downright stupid. 

I'm actually just whining.  I am blessed and I know it. 

In a short while I am going to have built my energy back up and I am going into the kitchen to make some crackers (can't have grains so I am learning to make them with an assortment of nut flours) and some snacks/meals for our trip this weekend. 

For better or worse, I booked us to camp this weekend in Kentucky on the banks of the Ohio River.  I really wanted to go down to Arkansas, to celebrate one of my great nephew's birthday's, but that is a few more hours than I feel confident to travel.  The site we are going to is three hours away, I figure if we stop at least every 45 minutes to an hour and walk I should be able to handle it.  Although I definitely have a plan B (remember it is all about the plan B with me) that will allow me to stretch my leg out and sweet Hubs will simply have to be my chauffeur. I'm a touch insecure about it, but I need to live my life, not sit in my house and engage in a pity party.  I am simply not prepared to sit still. 

Tomorrow will find me in one of my favorite places.  I will spend some time getting a reading, enjoying the National Quilt Museum - they have the 9/11 exhibit up, maybe a bit of bourbon at the cigar bar with Hubs and definitely a stop at the Distillery (I am definitely going to be bringing home a bottle of that heavenly chocolate/coconut moonshine!) and of course Tuscan Rose. 

I'm not sure we will stop at Hancocks' of Paducah this time, I haven't had time to use the fabric I bought last time and honestly that place is dangerous to my fabric loving heart!

I bought some yarn for a Christmas gift when we went to the Tuscan Rose last time we were there.  It is all hand dyed yumminess, and it's the first time I've ever used a silk yarn.  I hate to say it, but my alpaca yarns might have slid out of first place for joy and ease of use. See my world doesn't revolve around quilting. And now I feel very strongly that I need some more of this yarn to make a treat for myself.  Something I rarely do, but oh my... it is heavenly!  Now to decide what colors I want for me!!

I think Hubs is actually going to bring the camper to the house today, our driveway is long enough and then I can seriously clean and prep it for our trip!  And it will save us an hour tomorrow on top of the three hour drive tomorrow.  As it is stored 30 minutes west of us, and we are heading east. His driving skills can definitely handle it, it just depends on how many cars the rude neighbors feel like lining the street with today.  Our cul-de-sac often has 5 or more cars parked along it due to one house. Fingers crossed!  It would be wonderful to simply load the fridge and freezer, to make the bed and put all of our belongings in it here, instead of having to drag it all back and forth. 

Well, as you can see today isn't about deep or thought provoking things, simply the ramblings of a woman that has a ton of chores to do to get ready for a chance at being normal, who is whining about not being able to do them as easily... Those days happen.  

Time to go with the flow and move life forward!

Peace and love...   

normal...

Hot coffee, beautiful roses and a morning spent spoiling the Hubs.  Perfect start to this beautiful mild morning.  He is loving having his "50's wife" as he calls it.  Sometimes I question if he is referring to the decade or my age, but in either case, he's happy. I am too.  I love taking care of him, our home, our garden... our life!

I'd gone to bed a bit early last night so I was wide awake at 4 am.  As you can imagine there really isn't much to do at 4 am.  So I put on my head-phones and engaged in an incredible meditation.  I love blocking out the world completely.  I cherish that bit of time where my thoughts are able to stop and I can simply exist. It's very powerful.  I'm not sure why I stopped making time for that bit of heaven daily.  I'd quickly forgotten how powerful it is.  Thankfully I am remembering just as quickly how powerful and important it is to my daily balance and health.

Since the Doc changed our eating style completely I am having to learn and relearn so much.  I am not complaining, as the changes have resulted in less inflammation (with arthritis and FMS those are a huge plus) and I actually feel better than I have for a long time. But eliminating all grains, soy and sugars is not an easy switch.  Especially when Hubs is wanting pancakes or waffles with syrup.  My absolute hatred of chemically made substitutes does not make the task easier.  I found a recipe for a sugar free syrup and decided to give it all a go.  The pancakes will need an actual griddle that cooks on both sides - as they are far too delicate to flip, but they made killer waffles.  And he loved the syrup, so I feel that it is score one for the home team!  

looks much prettier in a jar

Shortly, I will head back in the kitchen to prep for our dinner guests tonight.  I want to make a blueberry cheesecake - my sister brought me some beautiful blueberries that she grew and Hubs has been suggesting it for days. I'm also going to make a broccoli salad to go with dinner, then aside from making salads and grilling there will be nothing left to do except enjoy our friends!  We've missed them.  I feels like forever since we've seen each other and our schedules lately have collided like crazy.  

I've already worked in the treetop garden, had to get that done before the sun burst above the skyline. It is promising to be an absolute scorcher and I am so not a fan of heat.  Although I really can't complain.  The summers are getting milder here in the Lou, honestly so are the winters.  If the humidity would leave, it would be perfect - almost.  

My nemesis, Mr. Squirrel, was a busy jerk last night. I had a lot of repairs to make this morning, plants knocked over, soil dug up...  I get that he is used to climbing tree branches no bigger than my finger, but my tomato plants are simply not strong enough to hold his weight.  I've now wrapped the supports so they should be good and I've had Hubs move the feeder back to it's original position.  His clever fix, was not so clever, as Mr. Squirrel was busy climbing the tomatoes to reach the treats in the feeder. He evidently feels strongly about dining in the squirrel proof feeder. I imagine he feels pretty powerful outsmarting the humans. 

All in all, life feels normal.  After all of our wonderful travels and adventures this month I think my soul was craving a bit of normal. 

Still cleaning up a few odds and ends around my car.  We still need to notify the state it was a total loss and the finance company told us to notify the dealership to cancel the extended warranty - the things you don't think of in the moment. 

But mostly I am getting ready for next week. This time next week I will be almost done having my knee replaced.  That is an incredibly surreal thought.  I don't think I'm scared, probably by Monday that will kick in.  I'm excited about the end result, I can't wait to climb stairs and go for walks.  The idea of taking a hike in the woods is so exciting, I love time in the forest.  I can't wait to be able to go for bike rides again and to just play with the grands without worrying how much my knee can take before it complains and how long will it hurt like sin as a result.  I know that it will still have some pains, but to know that if I follow the instructions and do all of my therapy I stand a super amazing great chance of normalcy... that is an incredible feeling.  

Before the weekend I will have stuff prepped for Hubs, I don't want him stressing out with meals and worrying about what to fix.  I will have all my day to day stuff done so he won't have to worry, heck so I won't have to worry about what might be forgotten. 

I like the daily calm, the everyday normal.  I love not feeling rushed and hurried.  It makes such a difference. At my last reading I was told to meditate daily and simply go with the flow.  In the state I was still slightly in with my car being totaled I wasn't sure what they were referring to.  I was wrapped up in something else.  Now that I am passed that and moving forward, I am fairly sure I understand.  The world is swirling around us all, so much changes on a daily basis.  When I take the time to calm myself and go inward, I am able to process the chaos and not allow it to affect me strongly. 

I have to say I hope that for everyone! The world is changing, it feels forced, it feels intentional. It feels like we are being shoved and pushed down into things and thoughts that are dark and ugly.  We have the option to be dragged into the chaos or to rise above it and observe.  I choose to rise above.  I refuse to participate in the chaos.... 

simply flow friends...

the mundane...

Normal. 

Each of us have our own idea of what normal is.  For me, I feel like I am finally normal.  I feel like I am finally where I have longed to be. 

As I got up this morning and did my random chores to get ready for the day, I felt vibrant.  I know, strange description for a normal mundane start to the day, right? Yet, it is the perfect word for it.  As the early morning sun started peaking around the trees in the back I was outside in the fresh morning air.  It's still cool so I spent some time puttering around the treetop garden.  It never fails I have one area that turns into an absolute jungle.  It looks like this year it is the the old wash bin.  The tomatoes have a life of their own and the beans are peaking through all of the branches. It is wild and untamed.

the jungle - tomatoes, jalapenos, beans

This normal fills my soul. Pulling the little volunteer plants that the birds keep planting, making sure all of them stay watered with just the right amount of water.  It feels nurturing.  

black yellow beans peaking through

Things simply do not feel overwhelming any longer.  I still remember reading a meme a bit ago about the morning bird, night owl and a perpetually exhausted pigeon.  I remember strongly identifying with that poor pigeon.  I was always rushing and running behind.  I wasn't fulfilling my life mission.  I was squeezing that part of my world in around the other stuff. I often struggled feeling overwhelmed and surly.  I was frustrated. No matter how hard I tried, everything simple didn't fit into the box that was my life.

patio tomatoes 

I enjoy the mundane. 

I remember dreading laundry/ironing day.  It felt like it was simply a time thief.  Yesterday as I was taking care of those chores, I found myself lost in daydreaming and listing to podcasts.  I can't even tell you how long I pressed and folded, it was simply a moment. 

crushed red pepper in the making

It's almost time to head out for the day.  Hubs and I had planned to go to Paducah, honestly, I don't think my knees will allow me to walk that much right now and it will make me cranky to not enjoy it to the fullest.  Besides his running boards are coming in and my featherweight is due to arrive.   We definitely need to install the running boards, I am far too short climb in and out of the truck. Paducah can wait a bit, maybe the end of weekend after next. Maybe these darn knees will feel stronger and not slow me down.

Instead we are heading a bit south, to the little town of Caledonia.  I have wanted to go there for quite a bit now.  They have a little Bed and Breakfast that intrigues me, we aren't staying there this time, we are going to do a bit of exploring (the whole town is 102 acres - according to Google) and we are definitely going to spend some time enjoying a quilt show and watching a long arm demonstration or two.  I am sure we will find an antique store or two.  Who knows what treasures are waiting for us to find them. 

creeping rosemary

It will be hot, welcome to the Midwest, and it will be terribly humid, again, it's the Midwest.  But there will be beauty and joy. There will be laughter and wonder.  Hubs and I will enjoy each moment, even if it doesn't go exactly as planned.  We will celebrate the time we are spending together.

This normal completely fills my soul. 

Go make some memories.  I am getting ready to do just that!