need to know...

Do you ever find yourself putting things off?  Forgetting something that needs to be addressed or done?  I think I am the queen of that universe. The sad part is that it is far from intentional, it's simply because I have so many things swimming in my head and heart.  Plans, ideas, need to do's and want to do's. At some point things fall off the immediate radar, usually because something else has caught my attention. 

I came down from my sewing studio a few minutes ago, needing to refill my water and finally remember to eat something, or if I'm honest to stretch my back a bit.  I seriously need a different solution for a sewing chair...  there I go again, drifting off. 

As I pushed the buttons to fill my cup with ice and filtered water, I had to smile to myself and also sort of scold myself. Something so simple. 

While I was in Alabama, literally months ago... we aren't going to say how many months because it is down right shameful, the ice/water dispenser died.  Hubs popped a towel behind it to stop the non-stop flow, but knew from the last repair that his hands were too big to do the work, he needed me. 

I came home from an incredible visit with my sister-in-law, full of more ideas (go figure) and fixing the fridge was definitely not on the planning table at all.  The drive was long, I needed rest.  At least that is what I used as an excuse for the first day or two.  Fast forward a month or so, I discovered that I could simply lock and unlock it as needed and solved the towel problem.  Moved on to other want to do's, weird how those pesky to-do's seem to always get shoved further back on the list. 

Finally ordered, what I thought was the part, stalling about taking it apart and investigating.  It's a fairly cumbersome job moving that monster out of the little space built for it and honestly, I was being lazy. Sweet Hubs by my side we disassembled and reassembled the part, sure it was just the micro switch again, neither of us stopping to question the little spring that flew out of nowhere, until we noticed the paddle was still not working as it should. 

Replacing the switch with the old one, as that was evidently not the issue, and realizing that little spring played a critical role in our problem we noticed the little broken bit of plastic, evidently the whole assembly needed replaced.  No worries, we had the part number and the Amazon could have it to us the next day.  Problem solved, repair on it's way!  

Not having to struggle for filtered water was getting closer, right? I know the fridge is 10 years old, but that shouldn't be a problem, should it?  

One would think.  Pull it out again, disassemble it all again.  Install new one, ask Hubs where the paddle was, as it wasn't attached.  Look through boxes like crazed people.  Slowly realize that the paddle is not there.  Seriously?  

Go on a massive internet search, questioning the sanity and intelligence of the people that make a dispenser without a paddle, when that is a critical part of it being able to function. In despair, realizing that the original part is almost impossible to find and none of the available parts have the paddle attached. Yes, still critical, not able to be removed without breaking it from the original, pausing to read comments from others feeling affirmed that I am not the only one pondering this challenge, I decide it's time to start making phone calls. 

Three parts dealers later, I find out that there is another part that is compatible and that I can have it the next day.  Please take my money!  

They say the third times a charm.  Hubs and I pulled the fridge out, yet again, working in the very narrow space between it and the island, what kind of architect makes these placement decisions? We finally installed the dispenser and slid it back into place. 

The silly joy that comes from being able to get a glass of ice water without struggling is so much a first world problem and joy.  The self-loathing that it took me months to tackle is only slightly eased by the fact that I would have had to deal with all the chaos at a time when my plate was full and I didn't have the energy to add more to it. 

Okay, I admit it, I am the queen of forgetting things.  Or maybe the universe knew I wasn't ready to deal with all that drama and kept giving me distractions until the time was right? Whatever the case, I'm thankful to have the ability to pop into the kitchen for ice and water and not having to go through all of the steps.  

Makes me wonder what else I have been shuffling off to the side that may only take a moment in time to resolve... hmm... whatever it is, it will have to wait.  My back is ready to go finish the quilt I am working on today, no time for remembering what I might have forgotten.  

Love and prayers... B

Wondering why...

I can't believe how fast time seems to be flying by.  We are already moving into the middle of July and yet it seems like I just wrote yesterday. I have been an active traditional homemaker now for over 3 years, again... how? Where is time flying off too?

Yesterday I was busy putting up the last of the 72 dozen ears of corn that Hubs loves so much.  As I stood at the sink scrubbing the silks from each ear, I found myself thinking, nothing new there.  I was questioning why I do some of the things that I do each day.  When I could easily go to the store and sit in my car and wait for someone to bring out my order and load my trunk.  Why would I spend hours shucking, cleaning, scraping and canning corn? 

Why would I do half of it?  Why wouldn't I take the easier route?  Why not just go back to work at a job where I will be taxed to bits only to be taxed on everything I purchase and then taxed again at the end of the year when all government agencies decide they haven't gotten enough of my hard earned dollars?

Why would I spend hours a day taking care of my family?  Wasn't it somewhere in the 50's or 60's that they started the marketing campaign about better living through chemicals?  Wasn't that supposed to make lives easier?  At least that is what the marketing campaign said.

Years ago I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, shortly after a tick decided I tasted good and shared Lyme disease with me.  I remember the anxiety I felt when we went to pick up our medical records a short while later, because we were moving back to Germany and being told they were being stored in the environment hazard area.  My mind was completely blown away.  I was stunned beyond thought and reason.  I was too sick at the time to deeply question it all as I went to a different part of the hospital to gather my records, separate from my families. 

For literally years I struggled with life.  I lived in pain, my mind was often foggy and my memory was shot.  I have so much regret surrounding those times.  I can't unwind the clock, I can't go backwards in time, but I can go forward. And in moving forward for the most part I have been healed, oh it's still technically there, but I no longer suffer from it. 

Somewhere over the past two decades things started to come together.  I learned, I studied, I started to understand a lot of things that I hadn't realized.  

Slowly we've removed many extra chemicals from our lives.  When you start to read, you start to learn.  

Our skin is our largest organ, it absorbs everything we put on it. It took time, I had to learn how to make soap, I'm still working on shampoo (that stuff can give you a headache) but for now I have sourced some that is chemical free.  We use very little, if any, commercial topical creams, lotions or medications.  It's amazing when you start looking into herbs, natural oils and tinctures the benefits to your entire body.  If you haven't looked into castor oil or frankincense for your external needs I strongly suggest those two as an incredible starting point. 

When you look at the things you consume you might become a bit more anxious and unsettled. How many people really read the ingredient lists when they are gathering their groceries and snacks?

After learning about the external influences, I might have become hooked on taking a deeper dive into herbal remedies, ya know... the old ways.  The things we don't learn in school are far greater than the things we do learn.  I can 100% assure you I have never in my adult life ever used algebraic formulas, yet everyday I cook meals for my family, use basic math as I work out our budget, I work in my garden, I sew, I make clothing and household items.  

As I am staring down the final year of my 50's, I realize I use very little of what I learned in school.  It carries very little value in the real world.  Most of it amply prepared me to be a drone in the tax generating wheel, very little of it prepared me for life. Sadly it is worse now.  Kids are graduating high school completely unprepared to go out into the world, to have meaningful lives, to be able to explore, dream, develop businesses and think.  They are woefully unprepared. 

I think back on school, home economics in particular.  And I realize that I learned very little of the skill sets I use today in those classes.  In the cooking sections I learned how to place an order for the ingredients I would need, I learned how to assemble those ingredients into a meal and the absolute importance of making sure there wasn't a crumb left on the floor after class (my instructor would lose her mind if things weren't meticulous for the next student). Oddly, it never taught me to buy groceries in the real world, to stretch a budget to cover whatever might happen, to put up food so I wasn't reliant on the grocery store. I learned to make noodles from scratch in one class, but never how to dry them for storage.  I was never taught to plant a seed to enable me to grow my own food.  In fact besides cleaning the floor properly, insuring that I pleased the fussy teacher to get a good grade, using a rolling pin to roll out noodles (and promptly rubbing all the skin off the side of my thumb - super painful FYI), and the incredible field trips in my international cooking class, I remember very little useful information from those classes.  

one of the recent quilts... I've improved

my newest treasure a 1953 301A - as soon as I tune
it up... I will be making a quilt!

If we bounce into the sewing part of those classes... well I do remember how to lay out a pattern and even follow a pattern.  I also learned (on my own) that it's important to look twice at the way it will end up once assembled.  That poor stuffed turtle lived forever with his head on upside down.  The teacher never even caught it while checking my work.  Oh well. 

for a friends baby...

For my great nephew

Beau approves... a customers quilt

I also took wood shop as a teen, I still have the shadow box I built it is a cherished possession, that I will probably never part with.  Hubs still has the napkin holder he made years earlier.  Looking at his vs mine, that decade or so of instruction time difference really shows.  His is creatively cut out with wood burned features.  Mine was simple, the construction was very basic and lacked the processes that would have made it sturdy and stable for all these decades.  I have spent much time over the years putting it back together so that it would last. 

Why do I do the things that fill my days?  Is it because I am some crazy prepper, no.  Although I could see where folks would assume that.  Is it because of fear?  Maybe to a degree, but not in the way one would assume.  I'm not afraid of the future, God has that, I am afraid of the skills being forever lost.  

Mostly, it's because I don't believe the world we live in today is sustainable.  Not in a sense of we will run out of this or that, not really.  Not that I don't believe there will be shortages, I 100% believe there will be.  I believe that food, fuels, medications, etc will be in short supply.  Because we have been programmed to believe that we need all of the things that we can buy (and be taxed on) as the only way we can survive in this world. Everything must be something someone can make a profit off of, look around, pay attention.

I almost cried this morning, drinking my cup of coffee and scrolling through social media.  I came upon one of my canning and sustainability groups, the woman was sharing a video she made that morning. It showed miles of cars waiting to buy food at a fast food restaurant in Houston.  Much of the city is still without power after Beryl came through. Miles of cars idling in line waiting for a burger and fries.  Her point was that it has been two days and folks are waiting in line for junk food.  Her question was far more basic, didn't they have food at home in their fridge or freezer waiting to be cooked and/or consumed?  Wasn't it at risk of going bad? 

Why?  This is one of my major reasons why.  I don't want to be in the group that is lost when the things we've been conditioned to accept for our basic needs is no longer able to provide them.  I don't want to be the one that cannot provide for my family and loved ones. The one that has no idea how to cook something because all the recipes were online and we've lost power or internet and I'm lost. Or because I don't know how to cook in anyway except with my electric stove (mine isn't electric for the record). 

I don't want to be a slave to a broken and failing system.  I don't want to be the person begging the government to help me survive, in case you haven't noticed it truly is a form of slavery, and one that has been used forever.  Slavery doesn't have to involve physical chains and shackles, mental ones are far stronger and leave less physical proof. 

a full 20 hours after the storm

the next day...

At the end of May we were hit with a terrible hail storm.  The damage is incredible, and most everyone in our mile or so wide stretch of the storms path are still dealing with the aftermath.  Homes are damaged, windows were shattered, cars were beat up (many to the point of being totaled - our daughter had two of theirs totaled), garden's and landscaping destroyed.  I will admit that losing most of my garden and landscaping crushed my heart.  The rest can be repaired, but to lose those... I was so heartbroken. 

It's just over a month later, the physical stuff is slowly being repaired.  My garden looks very different than I planned it.  This year, I am letting some things go to seed for future gardens, as most of the damaged plants continued to put out seeds and I am delighting in that process.  Of the 5 tomato plants 2 survived, barely, and are covered in tiny tomatoes.  Thankfully I was behind in planting because of cicadagedon.

Even the flowers were damaged, but are struggling back to life. 

The tiny okra, bush cucumber, zucchini, sweet potatoes and acorn squash are thriving despite the damage they decided they were strong enough to weather that storm.  So many other plants were destroyed, there are no peas this year and the beautiful lettuce was turned to mush.  The Swiss chard had a few tiny bits still living so I left them be, they rewarded me with the best growth ever.  The rest of the boxes are now planted with assorted beans to dry and more okra.  Every year I say I wish I had been able to plant more of those, yet never do.  

When mother nature hands you lemons, you can chose to cry or make lemonade. 

I don't want to be one of those that can't think outside the box.  This year I have started foraging mullein, I have been using dandelion and I know where to forage massive amounts of elderberry this summer.  I have learned so much that was never programmed into us in school.  Learning that the things we were programmed to believe were useless weeds and needed to be eradicated aren't useless or weeds at all. 

I pray that because I refuse to forget the old ways that I will never been one of those sitting in a car waiting for something to be given to me.  I am sharing those skills with my grands, I will share my knowledge and skills with anyone that wants to learn.  I want to be friends with people that can teach me new old skills. I want to be a part of that community.  I want to spend my days, hours and skills helping those around me that want to help themselves.  That want to be a strong enough person to face the storm and come out in one piece.  Maybe a bit tired and worn, but strong and self-sufficient. 

You knew the pups would show up...

It's time to head to the sewing room.  It's been a busy couple of weeks and I am running a bit behind.  

Many prayers and much love!  And cheers to the keepers of the old ways... you are my tribe!

my brother's keeper...

I've been sitting here in the silence for a few hours now.  Did my usual daily stuff and then decided to simply drink my water and play a silly game on my phone. Hubs had to head to work super early, he was helping some of his team with a project before his early morning meeting. A day in the life... right?   

I started to head up to my sewing studio when he left, goodness knows I have plenty of work to do myself.  Instead I took a bit of time, time to savor my cup of "coffee" (it's mushroom, but I still call it coffee) and be still.  I'd woken up and spent some time in prayer, and shortly after had felt this huge sense of foreboding or gloom. It felt heavy and dark.  To shake it off, I played with my pups for a moment and got cleaned up to start the day.  The mood is still lingering at the edges of my spirit, nagging at me. 

I'm sure a bit of it is melancholy, so many folks are sick or passing away it seems surreal.  Heck it is surreal.  A good friend of Hubs passed away about two weeks ago, one of the last messages he posted on Facebook was telling everyone how much he loved them, it was absolutely beautiful and keeps bouncing into my thoughts.

It feels like every day we are finding out that another friend or family member has a medical issue or battle they are fighting with their health.  And it isn't just health.  Folks are struggling hard with basic life.  I feel anger rolling off of folks and not for things that should matter.  For those little things, the minutia in life.  And it scares me to think that people are losing the basic skills for being human. 

Just be silent and watch.  Folks are full of rage, they are becoming more and more aggressive and lost.  Basically mean to one another simply for the sake of being mean.  I don't know if it is a reaction to feeling like you are completely unable to control anything or feeling overwhelmed by it all. It just feels like watching the world becoming 100% self-absorbed.  The causes and issues that matter to each person are literally the only causes and issues that matter.  

I cannot be the only person questioning where empathy and compassion have gone.  Just because you don't agree with someone, or you don't have the same issues affecting your life doesn't mean that you can't feel and understand another person's struggles or battles.  What in the world is going on?

From neighbor to neighbor on the minor scale, to global issues that are literally mind boggling.  Where is the compassion?  Where is the understanding, heck I'd settle for an attempt at understanding and trying to find the middle ground.

Trust me I am not perfect.  Not by a very long shot, as I was telling a lady yesterday most people like my Hubs far more than they like me.  I am not the easiest person to get to know and once you have I readily admit that I am not the greatest person to have as a friend.  I like being alone, I get wrapped up in my own world and life and forget that there are people waiting for responses from me or that I forget to check in on. It isn't that I don't care, it's that I am easily distracted and rarely remember to return to the place I was mentally and sometimes physically. 

Yet as my day was starting like a shotgun blast, I paused for a moment after putting eggs on to boil and  listened while Hubs updated me on yet another person having a medical emergency, someone important to him.  As I ran upstairs to ask him a question about his breakfast, I overheard him on the phone with another friend, asking that friend to please join him at the hospital later that day to pray over their friend, to offer healing and grace all before 615 in the morning.  I was so thankful for the Godly man I am married to, because his first thought wasn't about the impact to him personally, it was about how to intercede for another human. 

Such a switch from another scenario I know of.  Where another human is struggling with some major life and health changes, trying to work through those bits and pieces of their puzzle, trying to process and put things back in an order that works.  Instead of the grief they are dealing with from a self-centered jerk of a boss.  Instead of sticking out a hand of support, of human kindness and respect, that person evidently delights in kicking someone that is down and making things harder. Why do people have to be that way?  Does it make them feel powerful?  In my opinion it makes them small and petty.

It isn't even just about health issues.  People are being so unforgiving and refusing to show mercy or grace to anyone.  I don't know about you, but I don't know any perfect people.  I know a bunch of seriously flawed people all trying to live a good life and doing the best they know how.  I'm kind of tired of people being so wrapped up in their own issues that they feel it makes it okay to trample on others feelings and hearts.  I sure see of a lot of that anymore.  I'm tired of watching the "ouch you hurt my feelings and that is all that matters, now you get to pay for that for the rest of your life" show.  It's old and childish.

I'm weary of it. Very weary.  How about instead of thinking we are the center of the universe, we step outside ourselves.  Instead of shutting out people that we perceive to have slighted or harmed us, we talk to them.  It's amazing what we find out and heal when we are willing to admit that maybe we aren't always right.  Instead folks simply just mock, ridicule, belittle or take pot shots.  The art of talking it out, of seeing both sides of things and realizing that your point of view on life isn't wrong, it's different.  And that is really okay, we don't have to agree about everything, we don't have to see eye to eye.  We simply need to step into the world filled with love and compassion.  Acceptance.  We also do not need for force everyone to see things our way or not at all. Again acceptance.  I can love you and not agree with you.  It isn't mine to sort out. 

Our differences are not greater than our ability to love, our ability to lift one another up and meet each other where we need to be met.  

Can you imagine the power of humanity if we could simply love?  

I'm not seeing that sadly.  I'm seeing a battle of good vs. evil on a very spiritual level and frankly I feel like we are going through a very dark period.  Thankfully, I know that God and good win, I know in my heart that this is for a very short season in a very massive expanse of time. 

If you are a praying person, please pray it up for humanity.  If you have a different belief, then I ask however you honor that sentiment, will you please do so.  And then I ask you to look around, take a seriously deep breath and ask yourself how can I make a positive difference today?  It might be something as small as picking up a piece of litter on the ground, it might be inadvertently doing something kind that changes another persons entire will to live - without you ever knowing it.  

Yes we are our brother's keepers.  And as someone with 3 younger sisters, I know that there are many times we have not seen eye to eye, we have not and will not ever agree on everything, but I also know that all any of us needs to do is reach out to one another and we will circle the wagons and protect against all comers. Shouldn't we be willing to do that for everyone?  

Ironically, I'm feeling that darkness at the edges dim.  I guess I needed to write this blog, even though few read it, maybe it makes a difference somewhere, somehow.  

Pray up folks.  This battle that is raging is getting more intense daily. 

love and prayers... b

seasons...

I've just spent the last two hours preparing all of the flowers we foraged this morning to make jellies.  Red bud and dandelion are sitting on the counter steeping their goodness out. Our backs got tired so I will gather more dandelions later to make tinctures with.  Not only our backs, but my thumb is numb from pinching each of those buds to remove the green.   Pretty sure it will be days before I get rid of the slight green brown tint to my fingers and nails. 

Winter is just a restful time.  I can easily slip into creating and the non-backbreaking tasks of the year.  Springtime comes back with a vengeance. Hours were spent on Friday, rushing to beat the sunset, weeding, working in the flower beds, over seeding where the tree was, cutting back overgrowth. Only to be followed up with foraging early today.

I cherish this time of year. Although right now, I am touch envious of Hubs' nap and feel like I should have made the same decision.  I am a bit weary today.  Hours of manual work and little sleep sure do add up fast to a lack of energy.  I'm sure the sunshine on my face from the past few hours out on the deck have added to the desire to snuggle up and nap.  

As I was sitting out there and thinking I was processing so many things. My walk as a Christian for starters, things we've been taught our entire lives, watching the various "attacks" on Christians and the varying levels of truly following the Bible.  I've never been a big doctrine or religion person. I've always felt like it was mans attempt to rewrite God's will.  Adding their own spin on what is written. Sort of like a twisted version of telephone like we played as kids. Rarely did the message come through the same as it started. 

Shoot it was even happening in Jesus' time, check out the pharisees if you really want to see that there is nothing new under the sun. In this time it feels just as great as it has at many turning points in history.  I am well aware that man has had immense influence on the writing and books contained in the Bible, I am sadly aware that we may never know what has been held back from us or why.  If I had to guess... I'm gonna have to go with control.  

That being said, I will use discernment, research discrepancies and lean into those with far greater knowledge than my own. 

As the wind blew, the sun warmed my face and the clouds danced past above me, I found myself humbled that God is in control and that Jesus was the lamb that paid the price and gave us the gift of forgiveness. 

This week is going to be a busy one.  Getting caught up on chores, getting ready to celebrate my sweet Hubs.  Hard to believe he is going to be 72 years young in a week.  We are still trying to decide if we want to travel to see the eclipse or be satisfied with the 80% we are supposed to see here at home.  We keep toying with the idea.  The 2017 eclipse was incredible and watching it from our back yard was definitely a once in a lifetime joy.  

The more we think about it, the less inclined we are to travel for it.  Traffic could be terrible.  If you've never been stuck in traffic on I-55 suffice it to say wisdom tooth extraction would be less painful.  We're about 90 minutes outside of totality, that could translate into hours of traffic to watch a 3 to 4 minute spectacle. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but people are getting crazy lately.  Every trip, even to the grocery store is anxiety inducing. Add to that the added mystery of NASA sending up 3 rockets, CERN being started up on that day, and the "devil" comet making an appearance. I'm thinking folks could be just a touch edgy, what do you think?

We have started to honor the Sabbath, meaning sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday has become a special time. We have listened to incredible lessons and spent intentional time studying. It's quieter and less stressful.  I am finding a sense of peace edging in that has long since felt missing.  It used to be that we were always rushing about on the weekend.  Struggling to feel we had rested at all.  We are shifting priorities, changing times, or simply eliminating things that no longer fit. 

This is a different path for us.  

I just noticed the time.  I guess I need to take my grubby fingers (dandelions sure can stain) and get with it.  I need to figure out how hungry Hubs is and what he would like for dinner.   

we needed it...

Anyone else love the smell of the air when it's rained?  Or for that matter anyone else thankful to wake up to smell of rain? It's been so dry here, I was starting to be wonder if I should even bother with a garden. The leaves dripping wet and the puddles everywhere, filled my spirit! I'm not going to say that I feel overly confident yet, but it was a wonderful way to wake up.  

That was until I looked at what had happened overnight.  I'm praying for all the lives lost and harmed in Baltimore.  I'd had a restless night and literally woke up a the same time they are saying the bridge was struck.  That made it all feel a bit more disconcerting as I read about it. 

This world of ours is definitely going through some kind of birthing pains.  It feels like everywhere you turn is more insanity, people are so wound up and aggressive. It feels like a powder keg. Sad. Probably why I have decided to step back and witness it from afar.  I am struggling to feel any desire to engage.  I don't want to look for the person holding the match.  I don't want to see anymore hatred. 

I was dumbstruck when I saw the video on X of the two young ladies fighting (well, if you can call what that was a fight) just outside of the Hazelwood school.  That is localish for me, same metro area, I'm well aware of where it is.  Seeing a young person having their head smashed into the ground until they began having seizures, I wasn't expecting it and definitely blocked the video after the first time.  I was sickened to see so many watching, recording and cheering it on.  To hear that they were 15 and 16 years old.  I almost threw up. That is younger than my precious mini-me grand, I can't fathom that kind of anger and hatred in ones so young. The damage done to our kids and our communities is outrageous. Two young people had their lives changed forever that day.  I'd hazard a guess that a lot of those witnesses did as well.  How can you go back to your everyday normal after witnessing something so evil?

Hubs called me to chat while driving this morning, it sounded so stressful.  People honking, his anger at almost being hit a few times.  Him relaying to me about the woman that almost struck a light post (I think that is what she almost hit) he was a bit rattled as he was witnessing it first hand.  She rapidly swerved back into traffic as she over corrected to avoid it.  I simply do not understand what kind of energy is overwhelming people. Whatever it is, it is 100% powerful. 

I don't find myself stressed too often anymore. I'm unbelievably thankful for that. It probably has more to do with the fact that I don't engage in the chaos surrounding me.  Whatever the reason, I am thankful.

I was supposed to help a friend with a few projects this morning, but one of her babies is sick.  So I found myself with a bit of extra time.  Needless to say, I am finding lots of things to fill that time.  I'm getting ready to bake Hubs a batch of cookies and then it's time to work on the needlework project I am trying to finish.  I never made it to the sewing room yesterday.  I picked it up, for a few moments - at least that is what I told myself, put on a few of the vlogs I wanted to listen to and before long... it was time for the Hubs to head home.  Unbelievable how quickly time can move forward.

Well cookies need baked (peanut butter), I'll make myself a quick lunch, then I want to work on my project.  I finished my daily tasks and Hubs has a working lunch, which means hours stretch before me.  

If you haven't already, please find a moment to pray for this world (in whatever manner you pray).  For the folks in Baltimore and for all of those that are struggling or hurting.  Life is too short to miss any opportunities to love one another in every way possible. 

love and prayers... b

 

becoming...

Good morning! As I edge back into writing, I am trying to find the "perfect time" to write.  The changes in who I have become, have led to many changes in the order of my day.  

Before I ever leave bed I find myself deeply engrossed in some Bible study or another, since Hubs starts working as soon as he wakes up (he cherishes his peaceful work hours also) I usually don't worry about coming downstairs until around 530 or so. Being an early riser for at least three decades, maybe longer, it gives me ample time to lose myself in something or another.  Today was a fairly deep study of the book of Revelations and the actual meanings found in some translations.  

Pretty intense stuff when you've given up coffee. Coffee wasn't given up for any religious or spiritual reason.  It was given up for my actual health.  The first week was a touch rough, talk about some serious headaches.  It's been almost two months now and even the smell of it (still one of my absolute favorite scents) doesn't beckon me to pour a cup. Three months ago, I couldn't have fathomed my life without coffee.  A pot or so was normal... strange how things change. 

I think I will have to dig back into this mornings study, it was seriously intense and my brain is still digesting the bits and pieces of it all.  In fact, I'm pretty sure it will involve taking the whole thing in small bites for all of it to make sense. 

I have definitely embraced the role of a traditional wife.  Which means that after my morning reading, spending time with Hubs while he has his coffee, visiting and planning out our day, it's time to start the day.  Apron on and breakfast cooking for Hubs and the Pups are pretty much the first steps.  

It flows so beautifully.  Belle will usually sit at my side, eagerly hoping for a morsel or two, depending on how hungry she is.  She has become such a patient  baby when she wants to be. Beau will hang out upstairs with dad while he gets ready for the day. 

waiting for our friends to call out

Unless one of the other dogs in the neighborhood decides to shout out a greeting, then its a mad dash for the backyard to return the call of their people. Sadly, they are both big mouths and I am fairly sure the only "call" the entire neighborhood hears is them.  I spend a lot of time in the morning calling them in.  I know they are just saying hello, but they seriously need to learn to whisper. 

As I move into my planned projects for the day, I usually end up forgetting other things, like blogging.  So who knows what the rhythm and flow will become.  

Today, I finished up the 5 batches of soaps that I made yesterday.  I'd gotten a bit behind on making soap. I made a couple of batches back in February for the first time in at least six months or so, I ran out of lye and simply kept forgetting to order more. Finally remembered and then life got busy with birthdays and the like.  Sometimes I wonder how I ever managed to accomplish anything back in the time before. 

The house smells like a heavenly mixture of all the scents, the laundry room (where the drying rack is) is a bit overwhelmed by it all.  Taking the pictures, I longed for the ability to translate scents through the camera.  Kentish rain, lilac, ylang ylang, eucalyptus and cotton, and a mixture called spellbound woods.  The combination would make a candle shop blush. 

Not all of them are pretty, I got distracted a few times yesterday and got to trace way too quickly.  Doesn't matter they will still clean.  I don't really sell my soaps any longer, a few here and there.  Mostly they are for personal use, to trade or to gift.  It just doesn't matter if they are beautiful and colorful.  Pretty much the only reason I added mica to them for coloration is to help me remember the scents.  

spellbound woods = hot mess

eucalyptus and cotton

ylang ylang

Lilac

Kentish Rain

As the wind is whipping and the rains are threatening, I am skipping time in the garden this morning.  Even if it is time to get the cool weather garden going.  I'm not a fan of strong winds, that deck is fairly high and my confidence is fairly low.  

Instead I will head up to the sewing studio.  I have several projects that need attention.  I am learning to make a leather wallet for Hubs, to replace one that I bought him about 20 years ago.  And I have several quilts that waiting for me to finish them.  A bit of time and attention is needed.  

She's got to be able to look out everywhere

Hubs won't be home mid-day for lunch so that means I will be able to focus without interruption.  I don't know about you, but I struggle with refocusing after I have stopped working on something for whatever reason.  I often just move on to a totally different project and forget where I was. 

much love and prayers everyone... b

hello old friends...

I've been on an incredible journey.  I stopped worrying about a lot of the stuff I thought was important and started to slow things down, move them in a different direction.  I was backing up my blog today, something I have wanted to do forever, and realized it's been over six months since I sat down to write. 

I don't think it's ever been that long since I've dumped my thoughts and ideas.  Since I've shared or rambled.  I've been busy.  Busy living, busy learning, exploring things that have popped up and enjoying my family and close friends.  Mostly, I have been very introverted as I have walked along this path of discovery. 

Since I've been quiet I've discovered that I really enjoy participating in small craft fairs, something that will never make me wealthy, but will keep my hands and heart busy. I've been creating and learning new skills.  Seems I move through seasons with crafting the same way that I move through seasons with everything else. 

Since August I have found myself fully engrossed in a lot of "slow" work.  Embroidery, crocheting, and applique have been the primary projects.  I have been working on finally wrapping up a few dozen projects, nope... not wrapping up, but moving them towards completion.  

There have been hours spent learning to use my new longarm and we are becoming best friends and I adore the time spent quilting. 

Somewhere along the way, I became engrossed in working on our family trees and was finally able to make a very treasured connection for my sweet Hubs.  Now I am a touch obsessed and find myself wanting to visit graveyards far more frequently than is probably normal.

I put my garden to bed sometime in November and here it is time to start planting the cool weather seeds before the heat of summer sneaks in.  The red buds have already bloomed and I need to take some time to go an gather blossoms this week.  So many folks love the red bud jelly that I need to make sure I have an ample stash. Where does time seem to dash off to?

Hubs and I were chatting about time moving quickly, reminiscing about my 50th birthday party and how proud he was to bring so many of my dearest friends and family together for it.  I stumbled for a moment to remember how old I will be this year.  Hardly seems like it, but I will be 59 this year.  Not even remotely sure how that happened.  Wasn't I just in my 30's?  Hmmmm.... guess not. 

I've been engrossed in my journey with the Lord. Everyday I learn more, I travel down a road that I have walked passed many times in my life, never managing to glance much less explore.  Each road brings me greater clarity and appreciation.  It also brings me some regret.  So much I wish I had learned so long ago.  I often wonder what choices I would have made differently in my life, what paths would I have turned away from.  Many choices would have been different.  The beauty is that grace and redemption are there.  God never expected us to be perfect, he figured out real quick that we never would be.  But like any loving parent, he provided us the guidance to always come home. 

We spent the day chasing his roots,
seems the town is now under the lake.

Hubs and I are on the journey together and each step feels stronger than the one before. I truly am blessed.  All of this has been such a gift, it has taken away the angst and anxiety daily life was bringing.  It has given me the ability to live in a strange peacefulness that I have always felt was missing. 

throw the flying disk dad...

After we take the pups to the park (krap when speaking of it in their presence), we will fix dinner and tidy up for another night. I will curl up with my Bible, a cup of hot chocolate and read the book of Esther, it is Purim and we are all here for such a time as this. I love the story and I am looking forward to the peace before I head up to bed. 

I'm still wrapped up in a million things, with another million more swimming around in my brain that I am longing to share and have conversations about.  I don't know what the future holds for my sweet little blog.  Some days I feel overwhelmingly drawn to write, and then my daily tasks step into place and the day is gone and so is the urge to write.  

I'm not really sure what drew me to write today.  I've started probably five or six blog posts that ended up in the delete draft pile. Something made me long to reconnect.  I finished up the six batches of soap that I made this morning and early afternoon and brought my computer back down to my desk.  My old Chromebook that I have written most of these entries on has finally breathed it's last, I do believe. So I borrowed my own laptop for the lye calculators I needed. I might steal Hubs' Chromebook, he rarely ever uses it, who knows.  Plugging it back in my heart was pulled here. 

There has been so much going on in the world.  I have had many family and friends suffering from what seems like continual tragedy and chaos.  I think that is what caused me to step back, I want to help everyone and I know that I simply can't.  Then I get stuck in this bubble of not being able to do anything because I feel helpless.  It's a vicious circle. 

Just checking in

Me too!

I feel that is why I had to step away from so much.  I needed to find my center. I feel like I've found it, I feel ready to be part of the world again.  

never mind, it's nap time

Hopefully, I will be back.  Not sure how frequently, but hopefully it won't be six months. 

much love and many prayers... b