Saturday, January 22, 2022

welcome home, I love you!

The sunrise is beautiful this morning.  Reds, oranges, deep blues and bits of purple are tinting the skyline.  It's actually breathtaking.  I've finally stopped for a moment and thought I would sit here and enjoy it with a cup of hot coffee.  It's taken almost two and a half hours to drink the first one, cold, while chasing puppies and working around the house. 

I wish Hubs was up here to enjoy it with me, but he's deeply engrossed in a movie.  I want to call him up, but I guess he needs the time alone lost in his movie.  Today is an interesting day for him, fifty years ago he returned home from Vietnam, landing in Washington State, thankful to be back on US soil.  Never anticipating the "welcome" that he received.  That was the day he took off his uniform, his medals and his military persona and threw them in a trash can.  He was just a kid, not yet twenty years old.  Returning from war.  He was fighting for his country, with all of his heart.  Little did he know how disrespected he would be when he left the plane. 

That is his story to tell.  I've heard him share it.  I've heard many veterans of his generation share a very similar tale.  I am friends and family with veterans from many different battles and wars all in the name of protecting the American people.  They all served proudly, whether they volunteered or were drafted, they have given so much for our nation.  I have never felt the excruciating pain of losing a family member to those battles, but I have sat silently by and comforted the ones that are battle damaged.  Mentally and emotionally they are never the same person. It doesn't matter what conflict it was.  They are simply never the same. 

I have listened to Hubs tell me stories of Junior (his older brother) and his Uncle Ted (who died on his birthday fighting for this country long before I was born).  He tells me that Junior never smoked or drank until he returned from WWII, and after that moment, he was never completely sober again.  The scars of all that he saw eating at him for the rest of his life. 


When I first moved here, Hubs might acknowledge that he'd served, but he was always very silent and reserved about it.  I held him tight the first time he visited the traveling wall and found his friend's name.  Those wounds don't heal, you just learn to deal with life moving forward. 

Being a veteran doesn't make that exclusive on dealing with horror, there are many things in life that lead to pain and scars, battle scars as they are often referred to, I have more than a few of my own due to things life has thrown at me.  Yet I can't compare life's bruises, cuts and scars to those that are suffered by our veterans. 


I can't undue the damage that selfish people did.  And no matter how many people thank them for their service, we can never erase that so many of our veterans suffered being called baby killers and were spit on.  Funny, it wasn't the jerk politicians that were causing all of it that suffered, only those that did their duty for country. 

I get twisted inside thinking of some of this.  I get super angry.  I was quite young during that time frame.  I can't say I truly witnessed it.  Maybe it is one of the reasons I fail to rally to the side of all the virtue signalers, the people that refuse to treat others in a fair and equitable manner, the ones that only see their perspective as the right one.  Those that demand things for themselves, while denying it to others. 


I'm proud of my Vietnam Veteran!  He stepped up to the plate when his country needed him. I'm sorry for the jackasses that greeted his plane when it landed.  I regret that he didn't have a hero's welcome home, he should have. All of them should.  I am so proud of how he has dealt with the hurt and what could have been bitterness.  Instead you will always finding him thanking every service member for their service, he will buy their meals, he works with groups to help them find their way in life, he raises money for the veterans programs and he finally proudly wears his own veteran's status for the world to see. 


Fifty years ago today my sweet Hubs came back to the US, I joke around and tell him that he came back because he was supposed to be with me (even though that was a rocky, bumpy detoured filled road).  I don't know what the universe had in mind for him, but I am forever grateful that road led him to me. 

Next time you meet a veteran and they seem closed off, grumpy or even a touch surly, stop for a moment and look beyond.  Look in their eyes, are their shoulders back a bit too much, do they seem standoffish?  Maybe, just maybe they are still waiting to be welcomed home with open arms and pure gratitude.  Those selfish people that were simply tired of war and had no clue where to direct their anger harmed as many people as the war did.  A little love and gratitude can make a world of difference. 

Say thank you, listen to their stories, and for pities sake be there to hold them when they finally break through!

love and peace...


Friday, January 21, 2022

moments...

Anyone else have a headache that simply doesn't want to go away?  Or is it just puppies... seriously, it's not my sweet puppies, but I have had a lingering headache for about a week, I am totally over it.  I am wondering if I need more electrolytes or if its the fact that mother nature seems to be totally off her rocker this past week.  It's been everywhere from 50 degrees down to 6 degrees and today it is edging back up.  Seriously?  The world has totally gone nuts! Weather - check, politics - check, economy - check, people - rapidly hitting that point. 

I finished my special project yesterday and I am so excited about it.  I don't know if it is a surprise, so I can't show you a picture of it, just in case. I felt so unbelievably blessed making it.  I haven't done a project like that for literally years, it filled my heart to overflowing.   I needed that blessing yesterday.  My mood had been a bit dark and weary. I can't wait to show you it.  I am hoping I get to do more of them for other people.  It was so much fun. I'll show you next week. 

Today, I have got to knuckle down and start streamlining my chores around puppy messes.  The house feels like a non-stop disaster and I simply cannot take it anymore.  I think it is strongly contributing to my current fussy state.  I had gotten quite content to have my house clean and organized, I had a method to my madness, now I feel like I am back in the scramble to survive place that I was when I worked full time.  Because training and raising two beautiful babies is definitely a full time job. I think the only thing I have consistently managed to do is vacuum, sweep and mop floors.  

It's definitely time to organize my world. My day to day routine needs revisited, when am I going to do chores, when am I going to complete projects, blog, get my inventory going for my business?  I mean... seriously when? I haven't even updated my to do list in a couple of weeks.  By the time I remember my calendar I am off on another puppy chase or squeezing in something I have forgotten. 

I'm sleeping on mommy's lap, even if I don't fit!

I am still working on cleaning out closets, cupboards and all the other little spaces that I have been stashing stuff.  I am going to be making another delivery to my sister.  Anything she doesn't use, I know that someone in her church will. She belongs to a small congregation, they all look out for one another. Hubs is working on his closets too, it's simply time.  We've both lost too much weight to keep the clothing we have and frankly, I think out of sheer consumerism and desperation to survive life, we simply bought too much.  I have wanted a pocket wardrobe for a long time now, and I am working on creating just that very thing.  

I am working on cleaning out so much stuff, throughout our home and garage.  I prefer to actually give it to someone that needs it, but I am struggling with finding homes for so much of it, I think we have all just consumered ourselves to extremes.  Each time another bag of stuff leaves I feel a sense of relief.  I feel lighter. It's strange and I don't know how else to explain it. Definitely helps when keeping up with the puppies.  Now my crafting space - that one is going to be challenging.  I never want to part with stuff up there.  Instead of giving that away, the goal is going to be to use it up!  We'll see how that goes around the puppies schedules.   


Well, puppies have drifted back to sleep so it is time for me to tackle another project, I might even get some knitting done today.  I really want to finish this sweater. I also need to book the first comping trip of the year - Hannibal here we come!

love and peace...

Thursday, January 20, 2022

no rest...

So very tired... Already 9 hours into this day, I am not so sure I will be up for another 9 hours, or heck even 7 at this point in time feels excessive.  The Pups went to sleep at 7 pm last night, momma was not that smart and didn't.  So when the wildebeests called at 3 am, it was a super short night, not for them, but for momma.  

Add to that like the unintelligent person that I am, after freezing to walk them, I didn't go back to sleep when they did, I started working on a special project.  I'm bouncing between naps trying to get the project finished.  I think I only need one more nap or Dad to come home and entertain babies to be able to finish it today, I'm crazy excited about it. Sitting in my sewing room creating is one of my happy places. 

The babies are definitely figuring out that they love their humans to spend lots of quality time playing with them.  They make me laugh, they each have their own toys, but just like babies want the same exact ones, doesn't matter that theirs is the exact same one.  I have spent several hours sitting on the floor with puppies laying over my legs gnawing on their teething bones.  Every so often one will roll over and give me their belly to rub, even my little girl is getting used to that.  Guess she's decided dominance isn't the only thing she has going for her. 





Yesterday we went for several walks, they loved it.  Today, it's so cold that none of us wants to wander out for long.  The wind is blowing something crazy also.  It's strange and lovely at the same time.  My wind-chimes are playing beautiful music.  The kind that soothes the soul, the trees out back are dancing like crazy and everything is sparkling in the sunshine. We don't often get winds as strong as the past two days though, so it's odd. 


As tired as I am, today was probably not the ideal day for my new laptop to come in, I knew I wouldn't have the patience to wait for a better day.  For the first time in close to a decade I purchased a true laptop, needed it for my Cricut, I have used a Chromebook forever in my personal life.  I don't believe I have ever made it a secret that I despise new technology.  I don't have the patience to deal with it, I like the tried and true, I want simple.  Again, I am simply not using my head today and sure enough I set that thing up.  I am struggling to adjust to the keyboard, can't find a darn thing, and well... not having fun.  I set it aside, Hubs can do whatever with it when he gets home.  That's his thing, not mine. Yes I totally want to play with my Cricut, no I don't want to set up a new computer.  YUCK!


My babies are asleep on the sofa again, so I am going to shift them to their kennels and go work on my special project again.  I can't wait to see it completed. When Dad get's home we are going to take our week 4 picture, although I can't really hold both of the babies at the same time now.  They are simply too big. Soon I am not sure I will be able to hold them at all.  They might be a tad bigger than we thought, his feet are getting awfully big and her legs are getting longer by the day. It cracks me up, definitely not identical twins, but definitely siblings. 

love and peace... 





Wednesday, January 19, 2022

patience...

Is it bad that I am creeping through my house like a burglar?  Silently moving from space to space to allow the babies undisturbed rest? I mean if I was smart I would have gone to sleep when they did, because 3:45 am is simply so very early.  But I had to weigh out the options.  Sleep while they did?  Or get a much coveted uninterrupted shower and a bit of time to work on the closets?  I mean... That hot water was heavenly!  And I have now completed 2/3 of the closet clean out, so... you can guess what I did.

Hubs was my hero this morning and took my suvie in to get the tires replaced.  I wasn't feeling overly excited about going into the heart of downtown St. Louis at 6:30 am, granted it's in the heart of the industrial area, but still, it's a bit more deserted and dark than I am comfortable with at that time of the day.  

In exchange I have not only been on full paw patrol, but also making lunch for his team again today.  In a few moments I will whip up his favorite dessert for him to share with his gang, one blueberry lemon cheesecake coming up, I'm not sure I feel that pairs wonderfully with chili, but it's not my stomach.

It's hard to believe that it is already the latter half of January, time is simply flying past.  I also feel a touch guilty that we haven't really had winter yet.  I mean not enough that I am going to whine that I don't have snow all over the ground and I'm freezing my tushie off when I take the babies outside.  But it feels odd to have so little snow or ice.  For the record, I am certainly okay with a mild winter this year.  My knee appreciates the opportunity to heal. 

Darn... wasn't quick or quiet enough.  My baby boy can see me from his kennel and is letting me know that he would like to be liberated.  I guess it's time to bundle up and take them walking... 

love and peace all... 

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

grateful...

Driving home from an early morning errand for the Hubs, I was overcome with gratitude for the past year.  I was enjoying the beautiful sunshine on my face, the remnant of the full moon still slightly visible in the soft blue sky.  My babies were snoozing in their carrier and I was listening to some old school country.  One can never go wrong with classic Judds - Grampa, tell me bout the good ole days.... Loving the fact that I was wearing my favorite "uniform" of blue jeans and a sweatshirt and breathing in the fresh clean morning air.  

As I was driving along I was debating on taking the Pups for a walk at our favorite park for dog walking, but decided that was something I needed to save for a time when Hubs was with us.  Besides, they were snoozing pretty darn good. 

A year ago I was fresh out of the most upsetting hospital stay in my life.  I was struggling to breathe thanks to the mask induced pneumonia that I was trying to recover from. My fever had finally dropped to a manageable 100, and I wasn't coughing nearly as much.  Now, I also couldn't take a deep breath, nor was I awake or coherent for more than a couple hours total per day. I don't remember much about the time immediately a year ago.  I remember talking on the phone with my kids in the emergency room, burning up with fever and recycled air.  I remember my sweet Hubs looking terrified as he was told he couldn't stay with my and me being barely able to make any decisions on my own.  I remember being angry. 

I remember the struggle back to me. Using that stupid breathing contraption that hurt like sin as it made me take deeper and deeper breaths, wanting to refuse, wanting to be better without the work. 

It was a long couple of weeks.  Little did I know at the time that it would lead to me losing large amounts of my hair, struggles with my memory (not as bad as the fibromyalgia - but still annoying), I didn't know it would zap my energy and strength for months and I didn't know that it was the first part of a completely different and wonderful life.

Sitting here in the sunshine with my puppies playing I am so grateful and blessed in my life. In a different time I would have volunteered to help my sweet Hubs with the task he is working on this week.  It's in my wheelhouse and it is doing things that I love to do.  In this space and time, I will run errands and make a hot lunch to deliver in a few hours. I am not willing to do the work.  I walked away from that. I will put that energy into our home and our life. 

A year ago I was miserable.  I hated the day to day.  I was simply worn and tired, no longer wishing to be part of something my heart was no longer in and not brave enough to walk away. 

Our life is different now.  I am happier.  I have energy for my family and friends.  I am in a place that allows me to pursue things that fill my soul and to have time to raise two rambunctious puppies.  To take care of my sweet Hubs so that he can continue to do the things that he is exceptional at. 


Last year was full of things I wasn't ready for.  Things that I "didn't have time for".  As I was sitting there in my SUV, listening to the music and savoring the moments I realized that my knee didn't hurt at all, heck neither of them did.  If the tire light hadn't popped on, I would have been tempted to load up an overnight bag and take my babies south to visit everyone.  It has been so very long since I could say I am pain-free.  Between our diet changes and my new knee, I actually spend the majority of my time in that beautiful pain-free bubble. 

We don't have all the "play" money that we used to have, but we have what we longed for... balance.  Hubs has his 50's wife.  I am in a much better mental state.  Stress doesn't really play into things any longer.  We both enjoy the world we live in now.  

I am so very grateful for the lessons and experiences of 2021, they gave me far more than they took away. 

What are you grateful for?

love and peace... 

Monday, January 17, 2022

shhhhhhh....

That's the feeling right now.  The Pups slept until 4:00 am, amazing considering the number of hours they spent in their kennels yesterday while we helped the eldest move.  I was simply hoping to get a couple of hours rest, so I am deeply thankful for a full night. 

Needless to say they were full of "piss and vinegar", as my Dad so famously used to say, when they woke up.  For almost 3 solid hours I have been chasing, cleaning, removing, playing, feeding, walking and snuggling these two.  I'm not going to lie, them falling asleep and quiet in their kennels right this moment feels like a blessing from heaven. 

The past few days have found me "walking" into opportunities to help others.  Some of it was super small, at least to me, yet the tears in that young mom's eyes when I paid for the fresh food she'd put back because she didn't have the money made me realize that if we have blessings in our lives, it is our responsibility to share those blessings. It's like the universe is placing them in my path to see if I will rise to the challenge.

I am still kicking myself for not paying more attention to my surroundings.  I was simply waiting in line, not really listening to the cashier rambling on, nor really noticing the mom and her little girl as he sent them over to the bank to replace the torn bill.  I was simply lost in my own thoughts, scrolling through social media killing time.  I'm still upset with myself and have decided I will not do that when I am out and about.  I want to be more present. 

If I had been more present, I would have gladly paid for her meager cart of groceries, there was so little there in the first place.  It wasn't until I saw the cashier remove the fruit, meat and cheese packages that she and her little girl were going to enjoy for their lunch that I became "present".  I paused her exit for just a moment while I quickly had the cashier add it to my bill.  Her words were so soft and powerful as she thanked me.  She's a single mom, going through a really tough time. 

I still feel selfish.  I could have easily taken care of her entire bill.  I had the money in the bank and could have easily shared.

If only I had been present. 

Then there was the senior that fell in his dark driveway as we were leaving the girls house.  Time is all it cost, but we were so worried about him.  I just happened to look to the side to see where all of the trash was coming from and saw him struggling, trying to stand, unable to get his feet under him.  Hubs rushed out the door, helped him, cleaned up the trash and glass and together we made sure he was okay before heading home.  What if I hadn't been curious?  What if we had left just a few moments earlier or I had decided to turn around in the road like I usually do?  How long would he have laid there in the cold?

Those are just a couple of the things that have appeared in my path.  I wasn't looking, they were just there.  I wonder how many more chances we might have had to make a difference if we'd have been paying attention?  

Yesterday we were able to help the eldest move into her new place.  It felt amazing to be able to provide support and love.  But it's natural and normal to do for family and close friends.  It still felt amazing to have the family gathered in a loving net around her as she starts this new phase of her life.  The girl is a master at organization and she put those skills to heavy use helping her sister yesterday.  Watching Dad put together furniture while I was washing dishes to put away filled my heart with love.  The laughter, the smiles listening to the youngest as she cleaned all of the doorknobs declaring them to be "disgusting" was hysterical, they weren't FYI, but to her she was providing a very valuable service. 



The youngest and I came home early to walk the Pups and play with them for a bit.  We also decided to make a batch of cookies, as one can never have too many treats when you are a four year old.  Especially ones that you can roll and mash with your bare hands. 


Hubs feeds a little possum that lives under our porch.  Doesn't seem like much, some folks think he's absolutely nuts for doing it, but that little possum takes care of us as well.  He also feeds the birds, never letting their feeders go empty even in a snow storm.  We even prepared a plate of nuts and grains for the squirrel, yes he's my nemesis during the summer months, but it's one of God's creatures.  We both firmly believe in doing whatever we can.  

It made me realize that if we all took just a few more minutes or hours to do things for others, to help one another, we could seriously make an impact on this world of ours.  If the goal simply became to see how many people each and everyone of us could impact in a day, the power, the energy would be incredible!  And think about it, if everyone is doing it, then everyone is benefiting from it. 

It makes me think of that sweet woman offering up extra food.  She was determined to make a difference in her own community.  Instead of worrying about whatever crap the news is currently trying to brainwash us with, what if we used our collective skills and energy for good?  I was surfing through a few sites that fill my heart with joy and came across a story about a group of quilters making pillow cases to donate.  They made 128 of them in a day.  I never really thought about people needing pillow cases, it seems so basic.  But is it?

Is any of it basic? 

I want to be more present.  I want to be less connected to that which doesn't serve my highest good and more connected to those around me. 

Anyone else what to take on the challenge?  Do a bit more good in the world? My deepest hope is that those random acts of kindness will inspire more and more in all of us.  I want to live in that world.  I want to manifest that world. 


love and peace...

Sunday, January 16, 2022

in paradise...


Pups are enjoying the big pillow in front of the fire.  Beau takes after my Gator, he loves it!  And will just lie there watching it for hours.  Belle is far too busy, she will lay there for a few moments and then it's off to get into mischief. 

I was a bit surprised to be met by them at the bottom of the stairs in the dark living room as I crept quietly down the stairs hoping not to wake them.  Hubs had closed the door so that I could sleep again, I am super grateful. Belle was super happy to see momma this morning, dancing around and barking, Beau is so much more of a mellow dude so he just wandered over and waited for me to pick him up.  I can't hold both of them any longer, they are simply too big. Together they are almost 30 pounds of puppy joy.  Seems daddy was super tired in the middle of the night and when they went in the kennel to sleep he lay down on the sofa to do the same thing, he just forgot to secure the kennel door.  

This separating them into different kennels at night might seriously be for a much younger set of people.  But we are determined.  They will be just fine, we just have to convince them of that.  Ironically, I was feeling pretty darn successful last night. They each had individual momma time and I held them until they fell asleep and tucked them into their respective kennels after all the loves.  Beau isn't the challenge.  Belle might be small, but boy oh boy is she determined and vocal.  At 8 pm all of us were tucked into bed and finally resting.  


By 949 pm the little wildebeest had discovered that she was in a kennel alone.  She was NOT happy.  I let her cry it out and she finally fell back asleep at 1030, I guess I was too tired to hear her start howling at 1 am.  Even now she isn't wanting to let him simply rest.  And he wants to rest, unbothered. Poor guy.  

It's going to be a busy day.  We are helping the oldest move.  Luckily the snow was a no show for the most part yesterday. So moving day will be pretty darn easy.






There was just enough snow to play in for a bit and then move on with life.  The pups weren't sure what to think of it, but I had a great time playing with the youngest in the snow. Snowball fights and building snowmen.  It was so delightful!  I wish she'd been as bad at aiming as Gramma, because dang that snowball down the back was bitterly cold.  The babies that were supposed to be playing in the snow with her sat nicely in the girls doorway watching us. 

Well, little guy is snoozing on the sofa, time for the little girl to get some one on one time with momma... 

love and peace...

welcome home, I love you!

The sunrise is beautiful this morning.  Reds, oranges, deep blues and bits of purple are tinting the skyline.  It's actually breathtakin...