decisions can hurt...

Come on warm weather... my fingers and toes are simply over this blanket of white.  I had to do potty patrol this morning, and boy is it great fun in the snow.  Yes, that is serious sarcasm there. In case it wasn't obvious. 

I checked out yesterday, I didn't feel like doing a darn thing, so I didn't. I curled up in a quilt and played a game on my phone literally all day.  I can't remember the last time I did something like that.  In fact I am not sure I've done something like that in years, when healthy.  There was a time I would find a great book and do that, but I didn't even bother to find a book.  I just played hours worth of Mahjong.  I stopped to care for pups and a Hubs that came home sick to his stomach.  Other than that, it was a completely wasted day.  

Honestly, it was glorious!  

It also meant I had to play catch up a bit this morning.  Being well-rested, it didn't seem like much at all. 

My sweet Beau was outside with me, he is part husky I'm sure.  He could spend hours out there, if I would let him. He was monitoring all the other dogs in the neighborhood, responding with a slight woof or bark when it seemed appropriate.  He was trying to get his friend to the north to come out, he misses her.  He sat there and whimpered.  At first, I thought it was because his feet were getting cold.  As he kept standing up and looking that way, he would issue a single bark a "hey friend", then sit back down staring and whimpering.  

It broke my heart in more ways than I can explain.  My pups are incredibly loved and spoiled, I mean if you hadn't guessed that yet, and I made a mistake that I can't undo. 

play time

I agreed to welcome another dog into our pack during the hours her mom was working.  It wasn't easy at first, she was definitely NOT dog friendly, so we had to take is super slow.  But over the course of months she became integrated in our pack.  They would eat and drink out of the same bowls, at the same time.  They played, they went for walks, they napped together.  She was a part of their pack.  They would watch for her to come play every day, they would know if she was late. She only lives 3 houses away, they can see her outside during the day, every day.  

Her mom decided that she no longer needed to come play, that she was okay at home. I get it. 

no worries here!

Belle isn't as concerned, she likes being the queen without any competition.  Although she misses her play buddy, they have a similar energy level. She is much calmer and more loving without her here.  She's back to being large and in charge and doesn't have Piper telling her what to do.  Just the way she likes it. 

sissy makes a great pillow

what mama?

Beau seems to be grieving.  He is my friendly boy, the one that wants to be best buddies with everyone, dog or human - just no cats!  He talks to the pup in the house to the south (he's got a crush on her) and will play with her for hours if allowed.  He's even friendly with the pug next door.  Shoot, he made friends with the deer in the backyard.  He sits by the fence for hours (when I let him) watching, whining, calling.  

That is one of the reasons that I had been taking them hiking, to help them with the grieving process. The cold and deep snow has made that a bit of a struggle.  Thankfully warmer temperatures are heading our way and I can help him out a bit.  Yes, it was for his health, that phenobarbital is rough on the appetite, but he was struggling without Piper being here. 

"pack" being goofy

last pack walk

All that being said.  I will never do that to my babies again.  It wasn't fair.  She didn't die, they didn't move away.  These precious babies don't really have the ability to rationalize that play time is simply not needed any longer. I will never bring another dog to my home on a daily basis that isn't going to be here for good. 

They can process grief, they mourn when a part of the pack crosses the rainbow bridge, but that they understand.  When they just leave and they can see them, that is something they cannot process or understand evidently. 

It's not going to warm up until tomorrow, the snow is all packed and crunchy. I seriously struggled to walk the yard.  I will definitely not be taking them hiking with the ground like it is.  That is almost 200 lbs of dog strength, I need to be 100% sure I am stable footed and able to control them. Hopefully, the warmth coming in will provide us with more opportunities to walk soon. 

Thanks for listening to me... I think witnessing that tore my heart up more than I thought it would.  

nappy time - look at those teefers...

I guess it's time to get with it, finish up the few chores left and then decide if I want to longarm or piece today.  Anyone got a coin?  I'm calling heads...

take care, 

b

the world is heavy...

My home smells like an exotic marketplace somewhere.  Visions of Aladdin are flowing through my mind.  Or the beautiful outdoor markets of my youth, Greece, Italy, France, Germany... all the beautiful smells are definitely taking me to warmer climates and softer days.  

The freshly ground rich smell of coffee is marrying with the star anise, cardamon pods, cinnamon and ginger.  Topped off by the smell of grapes from the jello.  The softness of clean linens providing the backdrop.  I should definitely start my day like this a bit more often.  

Outside the snow is still lingering.  Slowly receding from the warmth at the sides of the house.  The sky is dark and heavy, like it is whispering that more snow could be heading our way.  I wonder if that is a whisper or a threat. I'll take a threat, but I sure don't feel I need a promise.  We've got enough. Looking at the forecast, it appears we might even be in for a bit of a warm up, if you consider 40° a warm up.  I'll take it, these single digit's have been kicking my butt.  

The pups and I want to go for a long walk, we need some fresh air. It looks like it is on the way.  I'll just quickly send up a silent prayer at this moment.  A friend of mine keeps sharing the weather in Minot vs. here at home... gotta say I never thought I would be jealous of Minot, but here we are. 

Hubs had to go to work super early this morning.  We have a visitation to go to this afternoon, and he needs to get his eight. So the early morning found me fixing hot beverages and making lunch for him.   I figured I was on a roll so why not just keep rolling.  I can't believe I just gave Beau his 8 am meds and I am pretty much done with my morning chores.  Unbelievable. It feels good to start the day off with a bang.  Guess that is why I always loved the early morning shifts... the whole day is still stretched out before me and I feel energized to actually use it. 

Beau doesn't believe in personal space
Poor Belle is getting crowded

I've got something weighing on my mind that I am longing to talk out. Have you ever had something trigger your emotions?  Something make you feel out of control and angry without a clear reason why?  I try hard to not have that happen.  But every now and again, something small will light up that part of my brain.  That darn amygdala gets hijacked and pulling it back to center feels like it takes every bit of energy and strength you have.  

This weekend I had that happen.  It was innocent, but my brain went haywire.  My darn feelings were on fire and I didn't know how to respond.  It was a nothing thing.  Seriously.  But not inside my head. It felt like I was fighting against every slight, every pain, every emotion that I had ever experienced.  The rational side of me was pretty darn disgusted with the emotional side, let me tell you.  Like I said it was simply me taking something in a way that wasn't meant. 

I think we all have those moments.  Where something is presented to us, harmlessly, but in such a manner that it sets us off.  It makes us feel irrational and out of control.  Attacked. Hard to believe that a tiny bit of gray matter in the brain can cause those emotions, those feelings.  But... it does. 

I'm starting to feel like the global population are all fighting that battle with themselves.  And as they are struggling to get a grip on what they are feeling, they are starting to lash out. Working on ways to even the "score" that their brains are amplifying.

A friend of mine, someone I used to truly adore and respect has been traveling down that dark road for a bit now. I've silently watched the change in who they are as a person, saddened for the loss I've watched happen.  The other day they shared something on Facebook that was an easily verifiable falsehood, and written to cause hate and discontent.  It was for laughs - is how they posed it.  Reading it, reading the comments and their defense of it, made me ill.  Brought a sadness to me that I didn't quite expect.  Their defense of it was that it was funny, even if untrue and that made it okay. With absolutely no concern to the fact that is was a blatant lie and in this day and age people don't search for the truth when a lie makes them feel better about their own thoughts. Hmmm... wasn't that warned about in the Bible and other teachings?

In this powder keg of a world we are living in right now, stirring a hornets nest to calm your own emotions and justify them hardly seems prudent. 

Everywhere I turn I am seeing people reacting out of frustration and anger.  They are pushing those emotions on others instead of stepping back and calming themselves. Looking deeper to see what is causing them to be in a constant state of unease. I was listening to a podcast the other day, and the overarching theme was about how we seem to be locked in a constant struggle to be right, to be the victor, when what we really need is to splash around a lot of love.  

I can't say I disagree.  

I have been walking away from a lot of things and people that bring me anxiety and stress.  If you are a negative Nelly and only want to tear people down.  Sorry, we aren't going to continue being friends or even acquaintances. If I go to your business and you are ugly, well, I am not required to frequent your business.  This isn't something that has happened overnight, nor are the decisions something I am making irrationally.  I give grace, but I refuse to live with abuse in any form. 

Now, I realize that in a work situation or professional relationship, it isn't that easy.  And you can't exactly yell at someone telling them that their "style" is really hurting your working relationship.  I've been there.  I completely get that one.  It definitely feels like more and more "leaders" are not exactly leading anymore, they are attacking or dictating from on high.  I've watched managers berate people, put them down, cause them grief simply because they can. I've witnessed rudeness to peers and subordinates that makes my brain do flip flops trying to understand it all. 

I've watched the woman that leads the aqua therapy at the VA treat veterans in her care with a harsh and uncaring manner.  I can't even say bordering on rudeness, she is flat out horrible to them.  Not only are these men and women veterans that served their country thanklessly, they are also the reason that she has a job.  One for which she doesn't seem very grateful. 

My question is why?  What is triggering these actions.  The hatefulness is exhausting.  It keeps everyone in a state of defense and no one is communicating or working together.  Is that the plan?  To just divide us all on every level?  To keep our amygdala's in an constant state of hijack where we no longer have the ability to be civil and caring to one another?  Does that attitude make them feel better about themselves?  Are the people losing control of themselves even aware of the shotgun effect of their actions and words?  Do they care? 

I pray that I am not doing that to others.  I pray that when my amygdala gets hijacked that I am able to always step away and recenter myself.  This weekend, I knew it was entirely a me thing, I knew it was my past pains and hurts stepping forward to steal center stage.  Stupid.  Yes, an entirely human response. Once I was able to sort out why I reacted the way I did, I was able to move forward.  Sometimes innocent comments can cause those emotions.  How we react is the difference.  If I had exploded in anger or been petty, those would not have been appropriate and would have escalated a nothing into a something. 

It feels like a lot of people these days are escalating that nothing. And the something is getting uglier by the moment.  I'm watching things that literally break my heart.  People that I would have described as caring, honest, even nurturing are showing a side that is just plain gross.  People from another lifetime, people I respected, that inspired me.  I am watching them destroy others in a quest I can't understand.  Nothing in this world is worth anything if it has to have destruction of another to achieve it.  

I don't have answers.  Only observations that cause me to stop and ponder.  It's easier from the outside.  Most of what I am watching is heartbreaking. I truly have no solutions.  Only questions. 

I will keep doing my best to offer hope, love, encouragement.  I don't want to fight someone else's amygdala.  Heck I have enough trouble keeping my own in check. A very long time ago I was assigned to read a book "Switch: How to change when change is hard" by Chip Heath. I only vaguely paid attention, because honestly I hate being assigned to do just about anything.  The bits I did read really stuck with me, and I should probably revisit it, because I think it is valuable, especially in this time we are living in, in a way I didn't understand back then. Says the woman that just dug out her Nook and put it on charge - hopefully it still works it's been in the cupboard for years....

Wow, I have definitely rattled on today, I am guessing things are making me a bit frazzled around the edges and I'm not in the thick of it. I'm going to continue doing the best I can to help everyone around me get into a calmer spot, a slower space.  I'm going to continue to encourage everyone to step back.  Shut off the television, the computer, the phone.  Remember the 80's and before.  Go outside, breath fresh air (okay now I know I'm frazzled) and simply be.  Smell some spices. Dig into some of those granny/grandpa skills and hobbies, and if you've forgotten them, maybe it's time to get back in touch with them.  Remind yourself... 

The laundry is wrapping up, there are a few more chores to deal with and then I intend to focus in on things that will get us closer to plan. What does your day look like, how are you reconnecting? 

much love, 

b

after the chaos...

It's strange.  Yesterday was highly stressful, full of angst, anger, lack of faith in everything.  It didn't start out that way, and it didn't end that way.  Things happen. Hubs had a heck of a day, which led to some conversations that were a mix of what if's, maybe's and do you thinks... 

Over the course of the day, plans were solidified.  Back up plans were created and forward motion happened.  Yesterday, was a tough one, but I definitely think it was the match we both needed lit.  I often read a phrase lately that I still struggle to take to heart.  When people show you who they are, believe them.  I think Hubs and I both refuse to take off the rose colored glasses and want to believe the best of everyone.  

So when someone shows their true nature, it's hard.  It's a slap. It shocks you for a moment and makes you step back and re-evaluate.  Truth is, when you take off those glasses and you truly look, you see it shouldn't have surprised you.  They showed you all along who and what they are, you just didn't want to see it. 

Today is better.  Hubs is taking a half day off, so it will be a longer weekend.  Which is good as he had to be at work before the sun even considered rising.  He is going to a goodbye party for one of his guys.  I'm sure he will enjoy it.  He's worked hard all week, the break will do him good.  Physically and mentally. 

Massachusetts Cross and Crown Block

I finished up the first hint of the black and white quilt yesterday before the wheels fell off the bus so to speak.  Once life gets crazy, it's hard to slip back into those soft spots and relax.  I didn't try.  I did things I was putting off.  Hard thoughts make me want to do unpleasant things to balance it all out.  

Somewhere I will pop an accent color but for now...

So taxes are officially finished and so is our family budget for the year.  Frankly, those are two tasks I despise. By the time those were done, Hubs was home and we had just enough time to head out to pick up our milk order. 

Standing in the bitter cold, with kindred spirits, waiting on our order started to refocus things.  It was amazing to see all of those around us carrying their coolers or baskets full of empty jars and egg cartons, ready to return them for refills.  The kids waiting patiently with their parents, learning lessons that will hopefully stay with them forever. Health is important. Supporting local is important. Convenience isn't always a good solution. 

Sometimes, the little things are the important things. 

We ended up having a later dinner than planned, as the pick up window is only 6 - 630 pm.  We have to leave by 530 pm to get there by 6 pm - there is always evening traffic driving out.  It's only a 19 minute drive home, no traffic.  We always take the pups, just in case things go wonky.  Beau has to have his meds on time.  Those are some of the little things that matter, that are worth changing our world around for. 

I also realized in the chaos of the day, that I'd forgotten to make the Hubs' his chai concentrate.  He loves a chai latte, so I make sure to always have a jar of concentrate in the fridge for him to have one each day. After last night, I might switch to making the batch in the evenings from now on, that scent while it is cooking is so warm, earthy, calming.  The way it filled the air was heavenly. 

It's been such a busy morning, I can't believe that is it only 7:40 am.  I woke up at 245 am, wide awake again, I know there have to be more people in my tribe.  Those of us that go to bed early, but are awake and busy long before the sun considers the day started. I've quit trying to force myself back to sleep, I only end up with a headache. Instead, I start the day strong, I'll rest later if I get tired. 

I live on a the ridge of a common ground circle, when I am on my back deck in the morning I can see all the others with their lights on.  I know I am not alone.  I wonder if this is a new phenomenon, this middle of the night wakefulness, or if it is truly how things are supposed to be.  Are our sleep patterns also programmed?  Are they unnatural?  I know both of my children are night owls, or they used to be.  If given their own schedules they will gladly stay up and active until the wee hours.  I was the same when I was MUCH younger. 

I remember the first job I had that required me to be there by 430 am.  I thought it was the work of the devil, normal people didn't wake up that early.  It didn't take me long to fall in absolute love with that shift. I was finished with my work day long before others and still had hours of "play time" left to enjoy my day. 

I'm still that person and thankfully I am married to my kindred spirit.  Who else is going to wake up in the middle of the night and enjoy coffee with me? Or maybe it is simply part or aging?  Not needing the amount of sleep we did as youngsters? I don't know... Open to suggestions.

Not a morning pup 😂

As the day is laying before me, chores mostly finished and Beau's last med time almost here... I think I am going to head to the studio and make up for lost time. Now that all the chaos and clutter from yesterday has cleared out of my mind. 

Enjoy your Friday!

much love, 

b

snooze day...

Nice toasty fire, semi-warm coffee... Finally a moment to sit down and decompress this morning.  Hubs had to be to work super early, something about a basketball hoop, so I'm spending a few moments between meds just relaxing. 

I just loaded up the dehydrator with duck feet, oh that smell is so pleasant... UCK!  But my pups love them and it is a whole lot more reasonable than buying them at the pet store. I need to head up to the market in the next few days to get the freeze dryer loaded up with some more of the organ meats that they love.  They are both doing so much better since we've eliminated things like milk bones and so many of the chemicals from their diets. I pray daily that my Beau will never have another seizure and do everything I can to keep both of them healthy and thriving. 

That's the reason today will not involve a walk.  Belle was sort of lame yesterday afternoon.  She is so hyper and over the top, that she either pulled something or strained it bouncing in the snow.  Beau loves the snow, but wasn't about snow mountain climbing yesterday.  Belle, well she's certain she is part mountain goat. So today we rest, well at least they do. 

I started on my mystery quilts and now I am hyper focused on all the projects I want to accomplish this year.  So much so that I didn't sleep well last night.  Woke up a couple of times wanting to sneak into the studio and work.  The grown up part of me said don't you dare wake your husband and the pups.  I hate being a grown up sometimes. I fitfully went back to sleep a few times, before giving up at 4:00 am.  I decided if I couldn't sew I would do my other chores so that I could sew as soon as 8:00 am meds were given.

4 little blocks... only 11 more months 
of hints to go...

It's unbelievable how unsteady your hands can get when you haven't sewn for a couple of months.  Darn thumb.  I ended up nicking my hand yesterday with the rotary cutter.  Thankfully it wasn't bad, it was simply shocking.  I don't know that I have ever done that in decades of using one. Then I ended up cutting too many of some squares and not enough of others.  It was like my head wasn't even remotely in the game.  

By the time I had cut, sewn and ironed all the pieces for the black and white one, I felt I was really in my groove.  Only to realize that I had spent hours simply making 4 small blocks for one quilt and putting all the bits together to assemble 4 blocks for the other one.  Yep, it sure didn't feel productive.  

Didn't help that I found myself day dreaming about all the other quilts I want to make this year.  Or should I say finish.  Although I know that I will end up making a few from the start.  I have so many that never got finished when I was part of the corporate rat race.  I really want to finish those this year. My motto this year is totally going to be "done is better than perfect".  I want to finish them all!  Start next year with a clean slate. Do I think I will?  Who knows it's been on my list to do that for several years now.  Then my quilting ADHD kicks in, I start seeing patterns that I can't wait to make, or participate in a shop hop and acquire fabrics that I don't need but fall in love with just the same.  It's a vicious cycle. 

Well, coffee is ice cold and the fire is down to one last log that's almost gone.  I paused to chat with my sister.  Let me tell you, those of us here in the middle mid-west with our mini-mountains of snow have nothing to complain about.  Our gas stations aren't running out of gas, our banks aren't closed and the majority of our roads are passable.  Some might not be the easiest.  But at least we have snow shovels, plows, ice melt and we are all semi used to this white fluff.  I can't even fathom living in the southern states and dealing with this. 

I'm guessing that my girl definitely needs to rest today, as she isn't even bugging me about the "w... a... l... k", neither of them are.  They are both snoring away.  Good.  I hate when they give me that disapproving disappointed look that they are both the masters of. 

Meds have been given, Pups are sleeping, coffee is ready to be dumped... I'd say it's time to go and get those blocks out of my mind and move on to the next one. I have big plans... but can I follow through?

Stay safe and warm. 

much love, 

b

waiting

The park was accessible, so we went and burned off some serious energy, for all of us.  We decided to go to Route 66 State Park yesterday, it's one of the pups absolute favorite places to romp.  And romp they did.  In that giant park there were probably 4 of us brave enough to consider 30° to be warm enough for a nice walk in the snow. I had asked the pups if they wanted to go, around 1 pm, but then thought to ask James when he would be available for a late lunch as he was out in that neck of the woods.  Let me tell you, they were not happy about waiting as you can see from the picture.  Every few moments they turned and stared me down for two hours. 

This morning it was only 19°, so we went to a closer park/path.  Again, most folks aren't crazy evidently and they did not join us on our morning romp.  I am fairly certain my pups are going to sleep a fair amount of the day, heck I might join them.  Romping through the snow is exhausting, especially since I'm short and 8" of snow is past mid-calf. Belle and Beau were definitely chest deep as they ran through the wide open spaces and sunk time and time again. 

our view this morning... Meramec Greenway Park

The fresh air was definitely needed.  Cold fingers and ears, even with gloves and hats on were a welcome feeling.  Being one with nature is so very important to me and them.  

I know I lost it yesterday, I'd had too much time to process too many things.  Listening to the news this morning and hearing all the water main's that are bursting causing me even more concern for the folks around us.  Knowing what my family in the south is dealing with... again, stressful.  Today, I am calmer.  I took time disconnect from it all as we walked.  Thankful for the folks that plowed those pathways to allow the peace to over take us.  

We haven't taken a picture together
in what feels like forever.  Just missed
Belle peaking between us.

Talking to my neighbors that were working on the walks in front of their homes, we were questioning if we are going to see the snow gone before spring.  Standard consensus... nope.  This cold is definitely holding on to it and the snow drifts that we are all creating will probably last until summer at this point.  It's crazy. 

This morning I was looking through photos I took yesterday and then just got sucked into looking at the past few months.  Back in November I checked our local persimmon seeds, wondering what the prediction was for this winter.  Each little seed showed a shovel or knife like seed.  As mild as December was, I though darn, they were wrong.  Well, I guess January needed a moment to get ready.  Because it definitely delivered. 

The persimmons never lie...

I finally decided to make my first batch of lip balm, the dryness in the air was causing my lips to crack and feel a bit tender, I knew it was time.  I've been wanting to try making them with tallow, beeswax and essential oils, the healing properties are amazing.  I did add a few drops of vitamin E oil, as I wanted a bit more of preservative added naturally.  I had purchased all of the stuff I needed long ago, but as usual I kept coming up with a reason not to try. Fear of failure?  Maybe.  Fear of the unknown? Probably.

Today, I am berating myself a bit for my procrastinating nature. I will make more, trying other ingredients that will make it even more nourishing.  Not today, I currently have 6 tubes of lip balm, that should last me for a bit of time. It felt nice to finally not have to carry that task forward to yet another week on my weekly calendar. 

My last soap was finally firm enough to cut yesterday. I was running an experiment, I usually add sodium lactate to soaps, as it creates a harder bar of soap.  This batch needed a bit longer in the mold, okay almost a full week.  I won't know for months yet how it holds up against the soaps that I have added it to.  It is mostly a curiosity thing, not so much a dislike of the addition. 

Well, I guess that I should get busy today.  Since it's still super cold and my pups are snoozing, I guess I will start marinating dinner and then head up to the sewing studio.  Wonder how many more items I can get checked off my list? 

If you are out and about, roads are fantastic, the cold is not!  Stay warm!!

much love, 

b

 

frosty thoughts...

Brrrr... how is everyone doing?  The cold has definitely arrived.  After almost 30 hours of snow, glittery at times, full snow ball size at others, we are finally enjoying beautiful sunshine.  Living in a snow globe is beautiful, and we definitely enjoyed the peace of it all.  When the last flakes dropped Sunday, I went out to shovel, definitely over 8" of fluff.  Thankfully, it weighed very little, so it was super easy.  Unfortunately the plow didn't show up until quite a bit later and they were kind enough to push an 18" by 3 ft wide wall across our entire driveway and mailbox.  

Oh, the sadness.   That batch wasn't light, it wasn't fluffy.  It was soggy from the ice melt and heavy.  Our house sits right at the limit for the snowplow around the circle.  It will always end up right where it did.  It's so incredibly frustrating.  I've called the city, we've had long discussions about it.  Fact is, if we want out of our driveway or the mail delivered before these snow drifts melt, it needed moved. 

Move it I did.  Superwoman mentality is reminding me of my age yesterday and today.  A couple of Aleve and a few slow days have definitely been on the agenda.  On the flip side of that, my sweet Hubs was able to safely get out of the driveway on his way to work yesterday - so thankful my little Subaru is AWD.  I have my own opinions on that, but evidently, they will forever collide with decision makers.  

Belle is not interested in the cold at all!

Sunday, while resting between shoveling sessions, I was browsing social media.  I gotta tell you, I definitely don't understand people, I'd like to say anymore, but I guess it's always been there.  I mean I understand that most folks don't cook at home anymore.  I get it, when we both worked outside of the home we rarely ate at home. I also understand that when you haven't got things to do, due to the weather it can lead to some serious stir crazy ideas.  I completely understand being lonely without someone to talk with or hang out with. I mean, we are programmed to work, to be on the go, to always be doing something. Rest and calm have been demonized in our society for so very long, that we feel guilty when we pause. A forced pause is even more frustrating and anxiety inducing. I'm guilty as charged, it is definitely something I am working on, not very successfully, but I am working on it. 

Beau is on the impatient bus, 
cold doesn't bother him at all

I do not understand the level of ugly. The people that were defending closures and folks staying home safe and not getting in the way of the road crews if they could help it, sure got beat up.  Sometimes even by the shop owners, harshly justifying their reasons for opening in a snow storm. 

Many times over my corporate work life, I was made to feel I didn't matter. That my life and safety were second to profit and others wants. I've worked out in the brutal cold making it safe for the people that couldn't "safely go to work" to be able to come to my place of employment for their personal wants, I can't even call it needs.  I have driven to and from work in dangerous blizzard like conditions so that others weren't inconvenienced from their leisure activities. The decisions being made by folks that didn't have that 25 minute drive turn into 3.5 hours of pure terror. 

So to hear people that are always shouting from rooftops about safety, caring, and protecting others automatically shift into the "Why are you inconveniencing me? What do you mean you aren't open - I have the day off.  I pay for this or that, I have a right to be there whenever I want." Frankly, it's mind boggling.  

after being shoveled twice on Saturday

Did I go out yesterday, yep.  After the city had said it was safe to travel and go about your life.  On Saturday morning before the storm even rolled in I saw a car slide out of control on a flyover ramp.  They were facing the wrong direction on the highway when they finally came to a full stop.  A flyover ramp that was easily 20 ft or higher over the interstate.  Last winter someone went over a guard rail on a bridge after hitting the snow bank when they lost control.  I remember reading all the praising of that wonderful person, how it shouldn't have happened, etc.  I felt so sorry in my soul for their loved ones, family and friends.  All while wondering if they were rushing to a job, that demanded their presence with zero concern to their safety. 

If you have to eat a sandwich instead of a fancy meal.  I'm sorry.  The person making it has a life also, they probably want to continue living it.  And for the shop owners losing their tempers at people voicing concerns... So happy that you live in the same building as your shop.  Bet all those folks searching for somewhere to go, don't.  So who are they endangering getting there?

As for the folks not able to go to the movies, shopping, the fitness center etc... Here's an idea to get your workout in, entertain yourself and also help your fellow man.  Every social media site has people that are elderly, disabled in someway, a single parent that cannot leave their children alone for very long (you get the picture right?) that are pleading for someone to shovel their driveways and walks.  Asking where the kiddo's are that used to beat down their doors every snowfall with their shovels in hand asking for $10 - $20 to shovel a walk and driveway.  I can assure you after doing our drive, walk and then the road to exit our home.  I am 100% aware that I am now 60, but I am not regretting missing my daily walk, because I definitely got a full workout. 

I understand that landscaping businesses are looking for work, not at all trying to take that away from anyone, but the prices people are quoting to clear a sidewalk and driveway blows my mind.  If I hadn't caused some pain (due to other health issues of my own) I would have shoveled a few of my older neighbors walks/drives for them.  I wouldn't have charged them.  I would have done it.  

Driving down to our daughters house yesterday, I saw all the places where the sidewalks didn't get shoveled.  I completely considered going and doing those walks to connect the sidewalk for everyone walking their pets.  Physically, I can't.  I will not harm myself further.  But if you are looking for a solid workout and a feel good community service opportunity.... 

I simply don't understand why people can't help each other.  Bond together, provide support.  Instead we attack those online or in person questioning why their lives are less important than the ones asking them to risk them. 

Sadly, some of those people asking the questions will also be the ones showing up.  Maybe they can't afford the unpaid day, or maybe they can't risk losing their jobs because the bosses simply didn't understand.  Maybe they drive an older vehicle or rely on public transportation and getting there is simply impossible and beyond unsafe.  Maybe they live on a street that will not be plowed.  My friend lives in the city - check that - in the CITY, yet their street will never be plowed.  It's not deemed important to get those small side roads, except by those that live there.  

My head is spinning, my anger level is a bit high - I cannot fathom such a self-centered world.  I get it, we are all conditioned to getting what we want when we want it.  I was going to buy something on Amazon (yes, I know) the other day, but when I saw that it would take me over a week to get it, I hesitated (it gave me pause to think).  I'm not used to waiting, my impatience definitely leads me to buy things that when I think, I might not buy.  

I didn't really need what I went to pick up yesterday, I wanted it, but I didn't need it.  I wasn't angry that I had to wait in line for almost 15 minutes, I was simply thankful for the folks that were there.  I was grateful to be able to safely get where I was going and be able to buy what I wanted.  

Driving there Hubs and I watched a car literally pull out right in front of a massive snowplow.  Cut them off.  I was so thankful for that snowplow drivers attention.  He had the right of way - on many fronts - but he was able to stop, the folks that were behind him were able to adjust and stop or pull to the other lane.  And the self-absorbed person was able to safely drive away.  Why are people so detached from any form of personal responsibility? Who would have been sued if those steps hadn't happened just as they did?  

Whew... you can tell I'm fussy.  I am trying to give grace, but I am fussy. Today is another day, the sun is out, the temperatures will move above zero.  I thought about walking my babies that are getting a bit stir crazy, but I heard the snowplow come through dropping more salt.  Too dangerous for their paws and those sidewalks are still at least 7" deep with snow. So we will continue to have patience. 

As I am bringing down my temper, granted a great deal of it stems back to decades of being less important than others in these situations.  I can completely empathize with the ones pleading for someone to see their value, I can understand their fears and sadness at being over looked. I have always maintained that if it is bad enough for others to be off work to keep them safe, then it should be bad enough to simply stay home.  

Those poor essential workers (God Bless them!!), the hospital workers, the road crews, the emergency crews, police, fire fighters, you know who I am talking about, they need for more of us to listen.  To make their lives easier in an already stressful situation.  They didn't want to risk their lives going out either, but they did.  Why not support them as do a task that the majority of us opt out of?

enjoy the snow...

Okay... it's time for me to back away.  It's time for me to work on some activities and projects. And wait for a safer day to walk my pups. After I call the repair shop and get a wiper arm and blade for Hubs truck... seems it was cold enough for it to fail and snap in two.  That's a first for both of us. 

much love, 

b

the cold...

brrrrrrr... yep, that sums it up perfectly.  I have no idea how much snow we will end up with, but we've already shoveled the drive and sidewalk twice since 8:30 am.  It wasn't supposed to start until after 2 pm, but man plans, God laughs.  It was a soft airy snow as it began to fall, shortly after Hubs and I went up to top off our gas tanks.  You definitely do not want to be low when the weather is bad.  

I decided I'd have plenty of time to run south to my quilt shop. I definitely had time, but just barely.  Within an hours time, the roads had hit the end of my comfort level. We'd planned one more stop, but the intersections and one and off ramps had gotten far too slippery for comfort and I have an AWD. We got home at the same time, shoveled for the first time and stopped for the day. 

I have two mystery quilts going this year and I wanted to get the fabric for the one as full yardage. I have no idea what it will look like when unveiled in October, but this one is going to be my first black and white one.  I've been wanting to try one for a long time, but I never seem to get to the ones I want to make for me. So the wonderful young lady that owns Your Quilt Shop helped me pick some fabulous colors. I cant wait to see how it will turn out.  I'm excited to start. Although I am a bit frazzled today and not in a sewing mindset, so I will head up tomorrow morning once I've given all the meds and made breakfasts.  I will work on both of my mystery blocks then.  

The second one is a 250th year Celebration quilt.  It will be red, white and blue.  I did grab a few more fat quarters for that one.  It will be scrappy, so I will probably pick up odds and ends throughout the year. It is 12 months long, so I have plenty of time to acquire additional colors and prints as the mood hits me. 

We were supposed to have a lull in the snowfall, but so far it appears to have decided not to happen.  I wonder if that will affect the amount of snow we finally get. Who knows.  I'm not at all worried about it, although my Pups are a bit concerned about the lack of a walk.  We toughed it out yesterday, but I'll be honest, I am not tough enough for -15° wind chill.  My fingers were burning from the cold through my very thick gloves. They are going to have to wait until the temperature gets out of the single digits. 

No sunrise this morning...

It wasn't supposed to start until 2 pm,
this was noon... 

I was doom scrolling earlier while cooking lunch and came across a sentence that really resonated with me.  "When you prepare, you don't have to get ready".  That is truly how this week has felt to me.  While everyone was scrambling to stock up on bread, eggs and milk.  We weren't.  We weren't rushing around to buy staples, take care of pet needs, or any of it.  I went into Pan Asia to see if they had any beef femur bones, as my pups love them and we'd run out.  I thought they might help them stay "busy" while stuck inside.  They didn't, in fact they didn't have any bones of any kind... I moved on.  I did pick them up some duck feet that are still thawing, I will pop them in the dehydrator once they can be comfortably handled. 

I didn't need fabric, I wanted it.  

We are prepared for most anything that is heading our way.  As the cold was going to be so extreme, we did go buy insulators for both outside faucets.  Something we haven't needed before, but felt it wise to err on the side of caution. 

I didn't truly need gas, the 4 gallons I added were not exactly going to cause a huge difference for us, but in the event that this is not a pleasant experience, I have almost 400 miles I can drive before I need more gas.  

Our biggest concession was to fill the garden tub with water, simply as a precaution.  As cold as it is, it isn't hard to imagine a water line breaking somewhere in the city.  And I did place towels at the base of all the doors.  That cold is creeping in from every crack it can find, I want to be ahead of it. 

Shortly I will start a pot of chili for Hubs, I'm not a fan, but he loves it.  And today feels like a chili kind of day. But for now, as soon as I wrap up writing, I am going to give my thumb a test run with the knitting needles.  I was about 70% finished with a sweater when I broke my thumb.  It's been killing me not to finish it. I hope it will not cause discomfort, it is still a little stiff from lack of use. 

I hope everyone is tucked in tight, that your pets are cozy and you have a pot of soup on the stove and warm blankets to snuggle in as this event moves across our country. 

Be safe!  Stay warm!

much love, 

b