it's the little things...

What a glorious day it was! We decided to take the pups for a walk this morning. Hubs was feeling pretty darn good, seems like that first procedure is going really well, and third winter is supposed to be hitting again tomorrow. So the sunshine and warm temps were calling our names.  

I think I have gotten Hubs hooked on walking and hiking through the woods. And watching the rebirth all around you is only that much more intoxicating. We got an early start, having discovered that it is pretty easy to give Beau his medication while we are out and about, but also because it is far more enjoyable to romp the forest paths when it is just us. 

One of our favorite spots is Rockwood Conservation Area.  We walk the flat part of the Lime Kiln trail when Hubs needs flat ground. Besides there is a beautiful little spot where the water flows out of the side of the "mountain" (hehe... mid-west mountain) that Belle and Beau are passionate about.  They are definitely water pups and can't wait to pounce and splash in it as we are crossing. That section gives us about 2.2 miles, enough. 

Hubs is healing, Belle is maintaining and Beau and I are just having a great time! Getting back in the car Hubs realized he was pretty darn close to hitting his 3 mile walk for the day and was up for another round. I'd read about another Conservation area near the one we were at, so off we went.  Not having the slightest idea what to expect. 

Let's just say Rockwood might have competition! Greensfelder is even bigger, and the paths are insane! We had to share a lot more than we like, it was well after 10 am when we got there.  But the pups did fantastic with the runners and mountain bikes that we had to share the thin paths with.  I was so proud of them.  The only almost hiccup was a runner with his pup, but we were able to step down the hillside a bit to let them zip on by. 

I kept checking with Hubs, telling him to let me know when he was ready to turn around.  We were only going to walk a quarter mile and then turn around. We were having such a great hike that we ended up walking a full half mile in, which meant a half mile back.  Another full mile ticked off for our weekend.  It was so beautiful, we even chatted about the book I was telling you about a bit ago.  "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson. 

The park reminded me so much of Germany and all the walks I took living there.  I get a bit wrapped up in them and enjoy the journey so much. That park is definitely one that is going to need a lot more exploring and it's only 20 minutes from home.

I wasn't sure the day could get better. Beautiful blue skies, the bright pops of colors starting to pop up through the deary browns of winter.  And spending time with Hubs and the pups.  Does it get any better?

Why, yes it can, and it did.  Hubs grabbed the mail and asked me if I was expecting anything from his sister in Alabama, nope, I sure wasn't. But I was definitely curious.  Sis hadn't mentioned she was sending anything and I could hardly wait to see what was in that soft brown package. 

Remember I said that somewhere along the way my copy of "A Walk in the Woods" had gotten misplaced, I did briefly look to see if I could find another copy, but I got distracted (what is new there?) and never finished the quest. 

I had absolute tears in my eyes when I opened the envelop and there was a beautiful new copy of it!  I can hardly wait to dive into it again.  Normally, I am not a fan of surprises.  But gifts of pure love, well now... That just filled my heart to over flowing.  She found it at a book sale at her library.  

It's sitting beside my chair.  I have another book I am wrapping up right now.  It's an educational one, and I am learning a great deal, so I want to finish it.  I will have at least 8 weeks keeping my Belle still and healing.  I will mentally take a long walk with Bill as I tend to my girl. 

I felt so heard, I'm still smiling and it was hours ago. It filled my heart with so much love, that something so trivial as a book I loved mattered.  Thank you Sis!  I will never lose this copy or my note from it. 

Hubs and I will probably hit the trails a bit again tomorrow, the morning has cleared and the storm is waiting for later in the day.  Not sure if we will take our pups, we worry about our Belle. But a few miles connecting with nature before she reminds us who is actually in charge isn't a bad thing. 

I can't wait to blow the cobwebs out of my memory and read my book.  I can't wait to remember the day dreams that came with it all those years ago.  Nope, I am fairly positive I will never hike the Appalachian Trail myself, but I can definitely live vicariously through his words. 

It's super late for me, my eyes are struggling to stay open, but I have to give my Beau his 9 pm meds.  Then I will head up and go to bed myself.  Tomorrow is another day.... 

Celebrate the small tokens of love, they really make life feel magical. 

much love, 

b

walking in the rain...

The rain definitely arrived last night.  I heard it coming down around 4 am, the steady rhythm beating on the chimney vent. Thankfully, it was only rain.  No high winds, hail or any of the other chaos that was predicted.  We need the rain, it's been so dry for several years now, I am definitely not complaining.  I just hate the fear and anxiety that the big storms create in Beau.  

Personally, I love a good thunder storm, the louder and brighter the better.  Beau, not so much.  And tornado weather will set him off like crazy. We don't need any of that chaos, just bring the rain. 

It's my first born's birthday today.  I am hoping we will be able to steal her and the family away for dinner tonight.  I so want an opportunity to celebrate her.  She is a busy gal though, raising her own babies and doing all the things.  So we will see. 

I always drift back to her arrival in my mind and heart today.  She came into the world ready to conquer it and I feel like she does that every day.  She is so incredibly strong and powerful.  I didn't have the slightest idea what I was doing as a young mom, but I am blessed every day by her presence in my life.  My aunt was terrified of me being a mom, I didn't handle her baby spitting up on me particularly well just a short few years before and when he started to wail I definitely passed him back.  I remember her telling me if it was too much for me that she'd take her and raise her until I was ready.  

It was a loving idea, but definitely not my idea. I grew up raising that strong willed little Blondie.  She shaped me in ways she will never know.  She taught me patience. She instilled in me resilience. She inspired faith.  And she often forced me to look outside of what was normal for me.  She and I are absolutely nothing alike in so many ways. And yet in even more ways we are the same.  It just depends on what level you are looking from. 

God blessed me so much with my girl.  The amount of joy and pride that I have in who she is and the strength that she steps boldly into life, really has no words.  Pure love doesn't need words.

I spent the first part of today spoiling the fur babies.  The rain stilled.  I debating just walking in the neighborhood.  Close enough to dash home if it started again.  But, honestly the neighborhood is so boring.  I mean you can only look at the same thing so many times.  Besides that your muscle memory kicks in when you do the same walk every day.  

So we took our chances.  We didn't go far, just down to the river.  Since we are under a flood warning, I was curious how much it had risen and if we would be able to follow the path we were planning.  Did I seriously just say we?  I guess I did ask them if that is the place they wanted to go, but in all fairness, I am not sure they had a say in the matter.  

I love watching the world wake up from it's winter slumber, even in the dreariness of the rain and darkened skies you can see the bright green popping out everywhere.  Along the path, the river raging just below flood stage you could see the vibrate shade of the new moss blanketing the ground beneath the trees. Still naked, some of them starting to form tiny colorless buds.  If you look closely you will see the daffodils, jonquil and henbit popping up all around provide the first signs of life on the sides of the path.  The honeysuckle is springing to life also.  Sadly, most of it around here is the invasive non-native kind, the bright green leaves are not really a welcome sign, as it signals our native plants are yet again going to fight for the precious spring rays that will bring life to them. 

The rain held for the entire 3 mile walk.  My sweet pups couldn't resist the call of the mud puddles.  Of course the white dog is the one with the greatest passion for a good mud puddle. I haven't been able to get a picture of the big goofy smile he always has while bouncing happily in the muck, although I do keep trying.  It definitely makes the extra bath worth it.  Belle always succumbs to the temptation, but Beau always leads the way!

Lifting them both into the car, realizing they were both soaking wet, I was definitely questioning the intelligence of my decision. The big goofy smiles and tails wagging assured me I'd made the right choice. 

The skies darkened deeper, the rain started falling.  Home we went. 

Pups are lounging asleep.  If I picture could have captured Beau's snoring, it would have been loud and deep.  Rainy days are for napping....

Well, I have things to do and chatting isn't getting them done.  

much love, 

b

hello anxiety...

Monday sure came in with a bang.  Hubs' appointment went good, we guess.  It will be a few weeks before we know if it was successful.  It definitely didn't go as smooth as we thought.  The two hour total procedure ended up being a lot more like 6, but the procedure itself was quick.  Waiting for an actual operating room when the original equipment didn't want to work, changed the timeline of everything.  

I'm crazy thankful for my dear friend, she gave up a chunk of her day to stay with the Pups.  Originally, it was only going to be for medicine hour, but because Sir Beau was in rare form she stayed to make sure he was okay.  He was fine, he was simply being his usual spoiled self and giving her a minor heart attack along with a solid aerobic workout moving from floor to floor and leaving her to play hide and seek. 

Thankfully, Belle minded her guest manners... or it would have been total chaos. 

As I hung out in the tiny pre/post procedure room I struggled to keep myself entertained and active.  There is only so much you can do in a space roughly 8 ft square. Painted in that old hospital classic, super light green color to top it off.  The sunshine outside was teasing through the glazed windows, hinting of the beauty just out of reach. 

As I had plenty of time to kill, I decided to try some chair yoga.  Interesting.  Unsure if I like it or not.  I know there are many yoga poses a fake knee prevents me from doing, but I am not sure the modifications were really for me. 

I ended up doing QiGong afterwards, I really enjoy that.  Then I paced, updated my calendar, read my book, read up about Belle's injury and the surgery/recovery involved,  scheduled her surgery,  laughed on the phone with my friend about Beau's mischief and waited... It felt like the time was moving backwards.  

Just as suddenly it was over.  The doc came in told me he'd done great, they were waking him up and what to watch for over the next few days. 

In a few short weeks we will take him for the last of the series of injections/laser treatments and with any luck before his birthday rolls around he will be out of pain for the first time in many months.  

It was difficult emotionally for me to schedule Belle.  It's not the financial piece, although whew - that is a bit of change, no that never figured in to it.  What was and still is difficult is knowing the journey we are about to embark on.  For at least 4 weeks she will be on strict lock down, no walks, no playing, nothing but restrained rest and very short potty breaks.  We've opted out of a full kennel, because our freedom loving baby would lose her mind. But she will be in a very confined area, with one of us near her at all times. How do you explain all of this to a sweet trusting pup?  

Gradually she will get a few more freedoms as she moves through an additional 4 - 8 weeks of recovery and rehabilitation.  Anyone that has spent time with Belle knows that she has more energy and boundless jumping joy in her spirit than a little puppy.  My heart hurts for the confusion she is going to feel. 

I am also afraid of surgeries and major medical procedures as a whole.  Doesn't matter if it is a human or animal, it stresses me terribly.  So of course, I decided to get it all out of the way at once.  On the 31st my little girl dog goes in for surgery in the morning, Hubs has his injections in the afternoon and we pick her up and the world shifts for a few months after his treatment. 

Beau has his one year check up on the 30th.  I am praying his phenol levels are still in the therapeutic range and that is liver levels are still low and safe.  

Hello anxiety, I see you, I feel your presence.

I need a lamb like exit for this month.  The lion has definitely already arrived. 

As we head into these last few weeks of normal, I am spoiling my fur babies, with all the walks and outside that the weather and Belle's leg will allow. I'm still figuring out how I will keep Beau on his health journey through Belle's recovery.  We'll figure it out.  We always do. 

And in the midst of it all we will continue living and loving life, because that is what we do.  As we move from Hubs birthday month to mine, a mere five months, life will be full of navigation points, challenges and healing. 

Anyone else feeling dropped into unknown waters and needing to learn to swim in the new current?

much love, 

b

in like a lion...

Well, 9 days in and I am going to say that March definitely came in like a lion! I'm hoping it heads out like a lamb... Does anyone still remember that saying?  It feels like something you never hear anymore.  This past week has been a humdinger to be sure.  Sunday before the weather turned we spent some family time hiking and enjoying the beauty that this area of the mid-west has to offer.  

Beau and Belle convinced Dad to tackle a hike with us at Rockwood Conservation Area.  To say it was breath-taking would be an understatement.  In many ways.  It rolled from a beautiful tame path through the forest where you could see all of the caves along the bluffs, to some serious stair climbing to reach the upper levels.  Hard to believe it was only a 2 mile hike, we definitely worked muscles we all forgot we had. 

Later in the day we decided to head up the Illinois River Road towards Alton and Grafton.  The eagles are sill here and we wanted to enjoy them. We took a few more walks, none of us were ready for any further hikes at Pere Marquette State Park. Nothing strenuous, it was simply a beautiful day pre-storm meant for enjoying life. 

Waiting for Dad to catch up

hiking along the quarry trail

The Pups even had a bit of a romp off leash along the river in a wide open space.  That might have been the start of the lion part of the week. After jumping back in the car we stopped at a little place that allowed us to have the pups with us on the patio, the plan was simply a nice cold beer after all that walking. One thing led to the other and fresh fried catfish sounded too good to pass up, we ordered the pups a burger to split, of course they sampled the fish.  

where's our order?

waiting...

The temperature started to drop, the skies developed that deep gray that says a storm is rolling in and we decided it was time to head back home.  We love going up the river road, but it's not a fun drive to get there.  As we stood up to leave we noticed that Belle was lame.  Not limping, flat out lame, moving around on three legs. Carefully, we got her down the steps and into the car.  Hoping for a pulled muscle. 

Resting on the ride home

Our little girl is a full on athlete, she pushes herself to unheard of levels, which is why she is usually restrained and not allowed to get up to her shenanigans.  Sunday, she managed to finally do what I'd worry would happen one day.  

We didn't know it at the time, she wasn't crying or acting in pain, just refusing to step on that left back leg.  The vet wasn't able to see her until Thursday, but as she wasn't in visible pain they said it should be fine, she was eating, sleeping, playing and even going for short walks without too much problem, just an occasional limp or three legged run when she was in a hurry.  They said no hikes and keep the walks short and they'd see us then. 

No worries on that front dodging rain storms meant we were only able to walk in the neighborhood anyhow. The baby aspirin was helping her and she was using it a bit more, we could wait. She just got some extra loving and attention while we waited.  

Beau had gone just over a year without a seizure.  I was so thankful.  Wednesday night Hubs woke me up yelling my name.  Beau was having a breakthrough seizure, it was fast and short, he came out of it fairly quickly and was back to being himself within the hour.  Complete with demanding treats and tummy rubs. 

It was a fitful night, waiting for that next seizure, worried, stressed.  Beau is a cluster seizure guy, they are terrifying, I went a few nights without sleep.  He gets very panicked by large storms and we had several roll in.  I mean it is early springtime in the mid-west - it's the norm. Panic can bring on seizures. 

Thankfully, no more have occurred, although, the timing did necessitate his attending Belle's appointment with me, he couldn't be left alone - it was less than 12 hours post seizure. 

Our amazing vet, the one we rarely get to see, was so gracious and checked over both of my babies.  Belle has a complete CCL tear, the best solution for her is surgery.  Gulp!  I'll be scheduling it tomorrow.  Looks like Belle and I are both going to have matching left knee surgeries, she is such a momma's girl. 

Beau has sailed through the week without any more seizures, but we will be checking his phenol levels to insure he is still in therapeutic range, Doc said not to worry, it was actually far more unusual to go a full year without a minor breakthrough than to have a breakthrough.  We are still so new to this journey.  

mom got her shoes... quick let her know wer're ready

His walks have helped my boy drop 6.5 lbs since December.  He still has a few more to go and balancing Belle's need for short daily walks, no running allowed, with Beau's need for the longer power walks, coupled with Hubs varying ability/pain tolerance for any walks... well suffice it to say I am definitely turning into a walking machine.  

My $100 mutts are definitely not inexpensive. But the love they give is beyond priceless.  I cherish that my sweet Hubs didn't blink when it came to the decision about her surgery.  We could allow her to limp and deal with pain and arthritis.  A lot of people make that choice for a variety of reasons.  If she was significantly older and more sedate, we might be weighing other factors in our decisions.  But... she's only just turned 4 and is extremely active.  To not do it would just be cruel. 

the Meramec is at flood stage

morning romp in the rain

All of this is on top of Hubs' procedures on his back, all occurring this month.  It's going to continue being action packed right up until the 31st, when Hubs has his last injections and hopefully Belle has her surgery. 

It's looking like April and May will be super chill and housebound for us. Beau and I will continue our hikes during the hours that Dad can sit with Belle, she will be 100% confined for a full 4 weeks, with only short potty trips out front.  The month of keeping Belle, the original energizer puppy still is probably my greatest concern.  

We will rearrange the house to provide a safe recovery area for her, I will sleep on the main floor with the two of them while she recovers.  Hubs will take time off for me to attend a family wedding and step into the nursing role temporarily.  Thankfully by then she will be in the second phase of recovery and have house privileges, if not stairs.  At that point her therapy schedule will involve a lot of short, slow walks, building up her strength and muscle tone. 

Just now giving her the medication for inflammation I noticed she could use a pedicure, then I laughed, because they provide a complimentary one while they have her knocked out for surgery.  For the cost of that surgery they should provide them for life.  But I'll take the small wins, we are paying for an orthopedic specialist, we can't complain. I think I'll let her wait, she's not a fan.

Solo at Route 66 State Park

Yesterday was the first time I've taken Beau on a solo hike.  Leaving Belle with Dad, whose back was definitely hurting. Beau was in absolute heaven. I've always thought Belle was the one that set our pace, I couldn't have been more wrong.  Beau put me through my paces as he strutted along in that long lopping style of his, my watch assuring me that I was definitely in an aerobic pace, as if my legs and breathing weren't already reassuring me of that fact. Each time I slowed the little drill sergeant turned and looked at me like I was a complete slacker.  

He didn't even want to stop for a drink at the mile and a half point.  He's come so far from the little butterball that barely walked a quarter mile at the beginning of the year. Just shy of 3 miles he was informed that we were getting in the car and heading home.  He'd had a great time splashing in puddles, running back and forth and he still had energy to go.  Mom did not. 

Can't pose mom... geez

but we can stop for flowers...

I was dreading the neighborhood walk with Belle, she's so strong and is the one I am usually restraining, I was definitely concerned.  Surprisingly, without her brother, Belle is a completely different walker.  More timid, staying very close to my side.  It was a blessing and joy to walk her.  Many of my recovery fears with her faded during that walk.  

Today, we are dealing with the time change - ugghhh... I was completely loving my early sunrises.  I am definitely in the group of people that feels leaving time at stand time would be a blessing. Although the brain trick of a 445 wake up as opposed to my usual 345 wake up was sort of nice.  I still hate the darkness of mornings. 

Tomorrow is the first of the two procedures for Hubs.  Pupsitter is retained (of course it's scheduled during Beau's med time, thankfully their auntie is amazing), and Hubs is ready.  We're praying for a positive outcome, although we've been warned it could be a couple of weeks before he feels the relief.  We've been told the one on March 31st will have instant pain relief, so they might just coincide.  Here's to hoping Hubs goes into birthday month feeling fantastic. 

Well, I promised Hubs a batch of beef jerky, so I am gonna get busy.  Time for today's crazy to start. 

much love, 

b

a walk in the woods...

Feet up, water beside me, pups resting at my side.  This is our current status.  We're tired.  After a semi-rushed morning to make sure we make it to Emmenegger Nature Park early enough that we were able to walk all alone, we are all in a cool down mode.  They've finished their breakfast and I got the yogurt started, although it will mean I am going to be up late tonight to finish it.  Oh well, it happens.

Yesterday we tackled an extremely steep set of hills at Emmenegger, not the one we thought we were going to tackle.  I assure you. In fact the first steep climb should have convinced me that I am not in my 40's anymore. Heck, maybe my 20's.  But my babies were determined so up we went, several steep sections more. It was completely worth it.  The view from up there was beautiful and peaceful. 

Today, we went back.  We were determined, okay I was, to tackle that loop trail.  It's just shy of a mile, but the darn thing is a serious climb up and then back down.  If I'm questioning life later today, well let's just say I completely deserve it. 

One of my favorite books in my late 20's, early 30's was "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson.  I read it many times, somewhere along my life journey I've lost the book or I would read it again.  As the pups and I spend hours walking down dusty trails I remember it.  It inspired my dream to someday hike the Appalachian Trail.  

It's a dream that will never come to life at this point, but boy oh boy it was a definite dream back in the day.  Now the idea of sleeping in a tent and hiking where there is the possibility of bears, bobcats and other creatures.  Not to mention the dreaded snakes.  Well, lets just say, the mature me wants not part of that! I'll stick to my little local trails, I've been in the Smokey Mountains, it's not a hike for the faint of heart...

We traveled the upper ridge of the walk, looking down through all of the woods, it felt a bit like we were walking through paradise.  Yesterday we got out there late so there were a lot of other people and dogs, that becomes an obstacle course.  Both the pups are people and dog friendly, neither of them have mastered the appropriate way to greet new friends.  It's a struggle when you are walking almost 200 pounds of muscle.  And let me tell you, that little one is STRONG!

Coming down the path we followed yesterday, one that merged with today's path, we arrived at one of the beautiful wooden bridges that are throughout this park.  It was beautiful yesterday.  Today... well, today was sadness.  I didn't take a picture, I didn't want to memorialize the petty destructiveness. All over the beautiful bridge out in the midst of the beauty was ugly white graffiti. Random characters, words written and scribbles. 

Further down we reached the accessible loop again and started to walk that paved trail to give our legs and heart rate a rest.  I am very watchful when out with the pups, I don't listen to music or podcasts instead focusing on my surroundings and what is going on. You simply can't be "blind" anymore. I noticed the man on one of the bridges right away and chose to go the other direction. It wraps in an odd shaped figure 8. 

He had my full attention, as his movements were strange and from a distance I couldn't tell what he was doing.  I wanted to be sure he didn't need help, but also that he didn't have a dog with him and wasn't a threat to us. 

As we passed him, he was on his knees leaning over the edge.  But didn't appear injured and had no dog, so we continued on. Moments later we heard the sander.  This gentleman wasn't a youngster, at least my age, probably closer to Hubs age.  And here he was on his knees sanding off the evidence of more destruction.  As we came around the loop we paused for their water break and watched him for a moment or two. 

Why are there people that have so much disrespect for things?  It's not art.  It's pure destruction. How were they raised?  Have they ever encountered the consequences of their actions? It made me sad, angry and disgusted all at once.  People make we weary lately.  I hate to make a blanket statement like that, but it's where I'm at.  

On the 15 minute rush hour drive today, I was almost hit 4 times.  The first was a lady in an SUV pulling blindly out of the gas station.  She was shoving food into her mouth, holding her cellphone against the steering wheel and just dashed out on a blind hill. She missed us by inches.  A few moments later the guy in a car 3 lanes over realized he'd almost missed his turn, no warning... dash over... and boom there he is zipping in from the right. I was already stressed and hoping that would be it. Unbelievably the driver of the semi-truck beside us evidently had to blow his nose and was driving with his elbows, swerving into both lanes on either side of him.  Leaving the highway, how was that only 5 miles of trauma, I figured I was safe, only a short distance to the exit for the park, and here comes another texting fool, looking down at their phone swerving into our lane head on, thankfully he looked up in time to realize. 

I assure you, I completely needed that hour in the woods with my babies.  I needed to not be by people. I don't understand the need to be absorbed with doing things other than driving, while driving.  Hubs often daydreams about another motorcycle.  The very idea terrifies me.  Not because of his skill, but because of the insanity on the roads. 

Folks, if you get a moment to walk in the woods.  Do it!  Reset your spirit, give your soul a chance to wander freely in nature.  It's hard to find that these days, but it feels vital to our very existence.  I need to get with it, I need to finish my French Butter, it's been fermenting for 48 hours. And then hop in the shower to head out after lunch to go take my art class.  Ironically, in the woods. There might be a theme for my life lately. 

Enjoy this beautiful day, go walk in the woods if you can... 

much love, 

b

living life!

Time often slips away from me.  Not from bad things, but simply from living an incredible life.  I am often busier than I realize, again not in a bad way, but in a fulfilling and energizing way.  This morning I am sitting here, relaxing for a few minutes in front of the warmth of the fire that my sweet Hubs built for me as I was very cold for some reason.  

I won't linger for long.  I do have a lot to catch up on, again, I've let time swiftly sneak away from me.  The pups and I have been doing a lot of walks and hikes, we've climbed a few "mountains" to us, high hills if you live in the mountains.  The climbs were intense, but invigorating.  Hubs has even been able to join us a bit more and he definitely did a full hill climb with us.  We have discovered that we really love going to the Rockwoods Conservation Area about 25 minutes away.  

In fact I am pretty sure we will go today.  There is a 2.5 mile trail that I have been longing to try out. Until we try it, I don't want to take Hubs.  Too many hills aren't great for his back while he is healing. And healing he is.  Although there is another trail just 15 minutes from our house that was pretty darn incredible and we could tackle the whole thing today, I wimped out last time... Oh the decisions.  

Emmenegger Nature Park

Emmenegger Nature Park

He opted out of surgery for his back.  Too many doctors want to go that route straight away.  Thankfully, he was assigned to an incredible pain management doctor.  We both love him!  The last thing he suggested was surgery, in fact he advised against it.  He asked for 90 days.  Ninety days to use natural methods, movement, water therapies, diet, walking, and ultimately a few injections to help with the journey.  Discussions are always around the proper shoes, what to eliminate from his diet, movements that will accelerate healing and strength.  

Rockwood Conservation Area
1/3 of the way up on Trail among the Trees

My focus for Beau this year was to get him healthier, to hopefully prevent another seizure ever.  Belle and I are benefitting from supporting our boys.  We are both getting stronger and healthier right along with them. 

naptime... this mom is crazy

Meramec Greenway -
Arnold Grove Trail

Moonshine Hallow Trail
 - St. Francois State Park 

They say you should always be learning and trying new things to prevent yourself from a wide assortment of ailments both mental and physical.  I'm gonna say we are on it this year. 

St. Francois State Park - just us

This morning as I was fixing Hubs lunch and prepping things that I will work on today, that thought was echoing through my head.  In a few I will get dressed and take my babies hiking.  But when we get home I have a busy day lined up.  By then the chickpeas will have soaked long enough to be canned and processed.  I need to prep a couple of batches of ice cream so I can use up my heavy cream, before I get the fresh batch.

I will start the yogurt tonight, because last night got wonky and I forgot. I'll put it on before we head out to pick up this weeks order from the farm. I am still in awe of how much I love fresh raw milk.  We have definitely had an amazing benefit taken away from us for far too long. 

Tomorrow I will finish the batch of french butter that is fermenting on the counter.  I am so intrigued by it.  The more I learn about fermented foods the more obsessed I become about incorporating it in our daily meals. 

I guess I am learning things on a regular basis.  

Tomorrow I am stepping out of my comfort zone and taking a class.  I don't need the whole class, but I will definitely take advantage of the opportunity it provides.  I'm going out to the August A. Busch Memorial Conservation Center to take a class.  I don't often do group anything and definitely not with complete strangers, on my own.  But here we are.  

Nature knitting with natural dyes... the title alone lured me in.  The course description sealed the deal.  It isn't about the knitting for me, as it is a learning to knit type scenario, but the natural dies... I'm in paradise.  They are going to teach us how to use things found in nature... pokeberries, pawpaw leaves and goldenrod flower heads oh my... to create natural dyes for yarn.  The fact that it was free was an even stronger motivation for me. Probably coupled by the fact that I have quite a bit of natural alpaca roving and a few skeins of natural fibers waiting for the chance to be vibrant and exciting.  Okay, that last bit is hysterical coming from a woman who's main wardrobe is multi-shades of black. 

I am a bit of a knowledge junkie.  I love to learn and experience new things.  

My learning journey is helping me to replace the disposable things, the chemically treated things, the toxic bi-products that we are taught are good for us, with things that truly are. Will I ever be able to replace it all, at this point in my life, probably not.  Can I minimize the impact on our lives and health, why yes I do believe so. 

There are many things that I would love the ability to have and do, I mean access to a nice deep well... come on what crazy woman doesn't dream of that?  A flock of laying hens?  Well, duh.  Seems a bit of a stretch for someone that lives in a HOA in suburbia.  So I'll take the small wins.  

Almost the peak of Trail among the Trees
Yup I was too afraid
to be that close to the edge

Rockwood Conservation Area

Moonshine Hallow Trail

Hikes amongst the trees and streams, just outside of the city limits.  Buying real food from a farmer, instead of the grocery store.  Growing and preserving what I can.  You get the idea.  Slowly the plastics and the unnatural fibers are leaving us.  

It's all about what fills your spirit.  This fills mine.  The healing, the recovery from a system I don't feel we were truly meant to be part of.  

I love this journey. 

Well, the fire is fading down to wispy embers, my toes are nice and warm.  It's time to start prepping for the hike.  Waters to fill, pups to get a dusting with food grade DE (Beau had a tick on him this morning... didn't know they could live in the cold temperatures - I was wrong evidently) and then we will spend some time walking in the forest.  Soaking up all that surrounds us and fills us with energy. 

I guess I'll decide where we are going as we leave the driveway.  But there are only two amazing days left before the predicted rains start falling.  I am positive that I will not go hiking in the hills in the rain, walking with two strong dogs requires me to have strong safe footing.  During the rains we will walk local. 

Have a blessed day, strive to learn and master something new every day.  It's so empowering.  

much love, 

b

decisions can hurt...

Come on warm weather... my fingers and toes are simply over this blanket of white.  I had to do potty patrol this morning, and boy is it great fun in the snow.  Yes, that is serious sarcasm there. In case it wasn't obvious. 

I checked out yesterday, I didn't feel like doing a darn thing, so I didn't. I curled up in a quilt and played a game on my phone literally all day.  I can't remember the last time I did something like that.  In fact I am not sure I've done something like that in years, when healthy.  There was a time I would find a great book and do that, but I didn't even bother to find a book.  I just played hours worth of Mahjong.  I stopped to care for pups and a Hubs that came home sick to his stomach.  Other than that, it was a completely wasted day.  

Honestly, it was glorious!  

It also meant I had to play catch up a bit this morning.  Being well-rested, it didn't seem like much at all. 

My sweet Beau was outside with me, he is part husky I'm sure.  He could spend hours out there, if I would let him. He was monitoring all the other dogs in the neighborhood, responding with a slight woof or bark when it seemed appropriate.  He was trying to get his friend to the north to come out, he misses her.  He sat there and whimpered.  At first, I thought it was because his feet were getting cold.  As he kept standing up and looking that way, he would issue a single bark a "hey friend", then sit back down staring and whimpering.  

It broke my heart in more ways than I can explain.  My pups are incredibly loved and spoiled, I mean if you hadn't guessed that yet, and I made a mistake that I can't undo. 

play time

I agreed to welcome another dog into our pack during the hours her mom was working.  It wasn't easy at first, she was definitely NOT dog friendly, so we had to take is super slow.  But over the course of months she became integrated in our pack.  They would eat and drink out of the same bowls, at the same time.  They played, they went for walks, they napped together.  She was a part of their pack.  They would watch for her to come play every day, they would know if she was late. She only lives 3 houses away, they can see her outside during the day, every day.  

Her mom decided that she no longer needed to come play, that she was okay at home. I get it. 

no worries here!

Belle isn't as concerned, she likes being the queen without any competition.  Although she misses her play buddy, they have a similar energy level. She is much calmer and more loving without her here.  She's back to being large and in charge and doesn't have Piper telling her what to do.  Just the way she likes it. 

sissy makes a great pillow

what mama?

Beau seems to be grieving.  He is my friendly boy, the one that wants to be best buddies with everyone, dog or human - just no cats!  He talks to the pup in the house to the south (he's got a crush on her) and will play with her for hours if allowed.  He's even friendly with the pug next door.  Shoot, he made friends with the deer in the backyard.  He sits by the fence for hours (when I let him) watching, whining, calling.  

That is one of the reasons that I had been taking them hiking, to help them with the grieving process. The cold and deep snow has made that a bit of a struggle.  Thankfully warmer temperatures are heading our way and I can help him out a bit.  Yes, it was for his health, that phenobarbital is rough on the appetite, but he was struggling without Piper being here. 

"pack" being goofy

last pack walk

All that being said.  I will never do that to my babies again.  It wasn't fair.  She didn't die, they didn't move away.  These precious babies don't really have the ability to rationalize that play time is simply not needed any longer. I will never bring another dog to my home on a daily basis that isn't going to be here for good. 

They can process grief, they mourn when a part of the pack crosses the rainbow bridge, but that they understand.  When they just leave and they can see them, that is something they cannot process or understand evidently. 

It's not going to warm up until tomorrow, the snow is all packed and crunchy. I seriously struggled to walk the yard.  I will definitely not be taking them hiking with the ground like it is.  That is almost 200 lbs of dog strength, I need to be 100% sure I am stable footed and able to control them. Hopefully, the warmth coming in will provide us with more opportunities to walk soon. 

Thanks for listening to me... I think witnessing that tore my heart up more than I thought it would.  

nappy time - look at those teefers...

I guess it's time to get with it, finish up the few chores left and then decide if I want to longarm or piece today.  Anyone got a coin?  I'm calling heads...

take care, 

b