a walk in the woods...

Feet up, water beside me, pups resting at my side.  This is our current status.  We're tired.  After a semi-rushed morning to make sure we make it to Emmenegger Nature Park early enough that we were able to walk all alone, we are all in a cool down mode.  They've finished their breakfast and I got the yogurt started, although it will mean I am going to be up late tonight to finish it.  Oh well, it happens.

Yesterday we tackled an extremely steep set of hills at Emmenegger, not the one we thought we were going to tackle.  I assure you. In fact the first steep climb should have convinced me that I am not in my 40's anymore. Heck, maybe my 20's.  But my babies were determined so up we went, several steep sections more. It was completely worth it.  The view from up there was beautiful and peaceful. 

Today, we went back.  We were determined, okay I was, to tackle that loop trail.  It's just shy of a mile, but the darn thing is a serious climb up and then back down.  If I'm questioning life later today, well let's just say I completely deserve it. 

One of my favorite books in my late 20's, early 30's was "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson.  I read it many times, somewhere along my life journey I've lost the book or I would read it again.  As the pups and I spend hours walking down dusty trails I remember it.  It inspired my dream to someday hike the Appalachian Trail.  

It's a dream that will never come to life at this point, but boy oh boy it was a definite dream back in the day.  Now the idea of sleeping in a tent and hiking where there is the possibility of bears, bobcats and other creatures.  Not to mention the dreaded snakes.  Well, lets just say, the mature me wants not part of that! I'll stick to my little local trails, I've been in the Smokey Mountains, it's not a hike for the faint of heart...

We traveled the upper ridge of the walk, looking down through all of the woods, it felt a bit like we were walking through paradise.  Yesterday we got out there late so there were a lot of other people and dogs, that becomes an obstacle course.  Both the pups are people and dog friendly, neither of them have mastered the appropriate way to greet new friends.  It's a struggle when you are walking almost 200 pounds of muscle.  And let me tell you, that little one is STRONG!

Coming down the path we followed yesterday, one that merged with today's path, we arrived at one of the beautiful wooden bridges that are throughout this park.  It was beautiful yesterday.  Today... well, today was sadness.  I didn't take a picture, I didn't want to memorialize the petty destructiveness. All over the beautiful bridge out in the midst of the beauty was ugly white graffiti. Random characters, words written and scribbles. 

Further down we reached the accessible loop again and started to walk that paved trail to give our legs and heart rate a rest.  I am very watchful when out with the pups, I don't listen to music or podcasts instead focusing on my surroundings and what is going on. You simply can't be "blind" anymore. I noticed the man on one of the bridges right away and chose to go the other direction. It wraps in an odd shaped figure 8. 

He had my full attention, as his movements were strange and from a distance I couldn't tell what he was doing.  I wanted to be sure he didn't need help, but also that he didn't have a dog with him and wasn't a threat to us. 

As we passed him, he was on his knees leaning over the edge.  But didn't appear injured and had no dog, so we continued on. Moments later we heard the sander.  This gentleman wasn't a youngster, at least my age, probably closer to Hubs age.  And here he was on his knees sanding off the evidence of more destruction.  As we came around the loop we paused for their water break and watched him for a moment or two. 

Why are there people that have so much disrespect for things?  It's not art.  It's pure destruction. How were they raised?  Have they ever encountered the consequences of their actions? It made me sad, angry and disgusted all at once.  People make we weary lately.  I hate to make a blanket statement like that, but it's where I'm at.  

On the 15 minute rush hour drive today, I was almost hit 4 times.  The first was a lady in an SUV pulling blindly out of the gas station.  She was shoving food into her mouth, holding her cellphone against the steering wheel and just dashed out on a blind hill. She missed us by inches.  A few moments later the guy in a car 3 lanes over realized he'd almost missed his turn, no warning... dash over... and boom there he is zipping in from the right. I was already stressed and hoping that would be it. Unbelievably the driver of the semi-truck beside us evidently had to blow his nose and was driving with his elbows, swerving into both lanes on either side of him.  Leaving the highway, how was that only 5 miles of trauma, I figured I was safe, only a short distance to the exit for the park, and here comes another texting fool, looking down at their phone swerving into our lane head on, thankfully he looked up in time to realize. 

I assure you, I completely needed that hour in the woods with my babies.  I needed to not be by people. I don't understand the need to be absorbed with doing things other than driving, while driving.  Hubs often daydreams about another motorcycle.  The very idea terrifies me.  Not because of his skill, but because of the insanity on the roads. 

Folks, if you get a moment to walk in the woods.  Do it!  Reset your spirit, give your soul a chance to wander freely in nature.  It's hard to find that these days, but it feels vital to our very existence.  I need to get with it, I need to finish my French Butter, it's been fermenting for 48 hours. And then hop in the shower to head out after lunch to go take my art class.  Ironically, in the woods. There might be a theme for my life lately. 

Enjoy this beautiful day, go walk in the woods if you can... 

much love, 

b

living life!

Time often slips away from me.  Not from bad things, but simply from living an incredible life.  I am often busier than I realize, again not in a bad way, but in a fulfilling and energizing way.  This morning I am sitting here, relaxing for a few minutes in front of the warmth of the fire that my sweet Hubs built for me as I was very cold for some reason.  

I won't linger for long.  I do have a lot to catch up on, again, I've let time swiftly sneak away from me.  The pups and I have been doing a lot of walks and hikes, we've climbed a few "mountains" to us, high hills if you live in the mountains.  The climbs were intense, but invigorating.  Hubs has even been able to join us a bit more and he definitely did a full hill climb with us.  We have discovered that we really love going to the Rockwoods Conservation Area about 25 minutes away.  

In fact I am pretty sure we will go today.  There is a 2.5 mile trail that I have been longing to try out. Until we try it, I don't want to take Hubs.  Too many hills aren't great for his back while he is healing. And healing he is.  Although there is another trail just 15 minutes from our house that was pretty darn incredible and we could tackle the whole thing today, I wimped out last time... Oh the decisions.  

Emmenegger Nature Park

Emmenegger Nature Park

He opted out of surgery for his back.  Too many doctors want to go that route straight away.  Thankfully, he was assigned to an incredible pain management doctor.  We both love him!  The last thing he suggested was surgery, in fact he advised against it.  He asked for 90 days.  Ninety days to use natural methods, movement, water therapies, diet, walking, and ultimately a few injections to help with the journey.  Discussions are always around the proper shoes, what to eliminate from his diet, movements that will accelerate healing and strength.  

Rockwood Conservation Area
1/3 of the way up on Trail among the Trees

My focus for Beau this year was to get him healthier, to hopefully prevent another seizure ever.  Belle and I are benefitting from supporting our boys.  We are both getting stronger and healthier right along with them. 

naptime... this mom is crazy

Meramec Greenway -
Arnold Grove Trail

Moonshine Hallow Trail
 - St. Francois State Park 

They say you should always be learning and trying new things to prevent yourself from a wide assortment of ailments both mental and physical.  I'm gonna say we are on it this year. 

St. Francois State Park - just us

This morning as I was fixing Hubs lunch and prepping things that I will work on today, that thought was echoing through my head.  In a few I will get dressed and take my babies hiking.  But when we get home I have a busy day lined up.  By then the chickpeas will have soaked long enough to be canned and processed.  I need to prep a couple of batches of ice cream so I can use up my heavy cream, before I get the fresh batch.

I will start the yogurt tonight, because last night got wonky and I forgot. I'll put it on before we head out to pick up this weeks order from the farm. I am still in awe of how much I love fresh raw milk.  We have definitely had an amazing benefit taken away from us for far too long. 

Tomorrow I will finish the batch of french butter that is fermenting on the counter.  I am so intrigued by it.  The more I learn about fermented foods the more obsessed I become about incorporating it in our daily meals. 

I guess I am learning things on a regular basis.  

Tomorrow I am stepping out of my comfort zone and taking a class.  I don't need the whole class, but I will definitely take advantage of the opportunity it provides.  I'm going out to the August A. Busch Memorial Conservation Center to take a class.  I don't often do group anything and definitely not with complete strangers, on my own.  But here we are.  

Nature knitting with natural dyes... the title alone lured me in.  The course description sealed the deal.  It isn't about the knitting for me, as it is a learning to knit type scenario, but the natural dies... I'm in paradise.  They are going to teach us how to use things found in nature... pokeberries, pawpaw leaves and goldenrod flower heads oh my... to create natural dyes for yarn.  The fact that it was free was an even stronger motivation for me. Probably coupled by the fact that I have quite a bit of natural alpaca roving and a few skeins of natural fibers waiting for the chance to be vibrant and exciting.  Okay, that last bit is hysterical coming from a woman who's main wardrobe is multi-shades of black. 

I am a bit of a knowledge junkie.  I love to learn and experience new things.  

My learning journey is helping me to replace the disposable things, the chemically treated things, the toxic bi-products that we are taught are good for us, with things that truly are. Will I ever be able to replace it all, at this point in my life, probably not.  Can I minimize the impact on our lives and health, why yes I do believe so. 

There are many things that I would love the ability to have and do, I mean access to a nice deep well... come on what crazy woman doesn't dream of that?  A flock of laying hens?  Well, duh.  Seems a bit of a stretch for someone that lives in a HOA in suburbia.  So I'll take the small wins.  

Almost the peak of Trail among the Trees
Yup I was too afraid
to be that close to the edge

Rockwood Conservation Area

Moonshine Hallow Trail

Hikes amongst the trees and streams, just outside of the city limits.  Buying real food from a farmer, instead of the grocery store.  Growing and preserving what I can.  You get the idea.  Slowly the plastics and the unnatural fibers are leaving us.  

It's all about what fills your spirit.  This fills mine.  The healing, the recovery from a system I don't feel we were truly meant to be part of.  

I love this journey. 

Well, the fire is fading down to wispy embers, my toes are nice and warm.  It's time to start prepping for the hike.  Waters to fill, pups to get a dusting with food grade DE (Beau had a tick on him this morning... didn't know they could live in the cold temperatures - I was wrong evidently) and then we will spend some time walking in the forest.  Soaking up all that surrounds us and fills us with energy. 

I guess I'll decide where we are going as we leave the driveway.  But there are only two amazing days left before the predicted rains start falling.  I am positive that I will not go hiking in the hills in the rain, walking with two strong dogs requires me to have strong safe footing.  During the rains we will walk local. 

Have a blessed day, strive to learn and master something new every day.  It's so empowering.  

much love, 

b

decisions can hurt...

Come on warm weather... my fingers and toes are simply over this blanket of white.  I had to do potty patrol this morning, and boy is it great fun in the snow.  Yes, that is serious sarcasm there. In case it wasn't obvious. 

I checked out yesterday, I didn't feel like doing a darn thing, so I didn't. I curled up in a quilt and played a game on my phone literally all day.  I can't remember the last time I did something like that.  In fact I am not sure I've done something like that in years, when healthy.  There was a time I would find a great book and do that, but I didn't even bother to find a book.  I just played hours worth of Mahjong.  I stopped to care for pups and a Hubs that came home sick to his stomach.  Other than that, it was a completely wasted day.  

Honestly, it was glorious!  

It also meant I had to play catch up a bit this morning.  Being well-rested, it didn't seem like much at all. 

My sweet Beau was outside with me, he is part husky I'm sure.  He could spend hours out there, if I would let him. He was monitoring all the other dogs in the neighborhood, responding with a slight woof or bark when it seemed appropriate.  He was trying to get his friend to the north to come out, he misses her.  He sat there and whimpered.  At first, I thought it was because his feet were getting cold.  As he kept standing up and looking that way, he would issue a single bark a "hey friend", then sit back down staring and whimpering.  

It broke my heart in more ways than I can explain.  My pups are incredibly loved and spoiled, I mean if you hadn't guessed that yet, and I made a mistake that I can't undo. 

play time

I agreed to welcome another dog into our pack during the hours her mom was working.  It wasn't easy at first, she was definitely NOT dog friendly, so we had to take is super slow.  But over the course of months she became integrated in our pack.  They would eat and drink out of the same bowls, at the same time.  They played, they went for walks, they napped together.  She was a part of their pack.  They would watch for her to come play every day, they would know if she was late. She only lives 3 houses away, they can see her outside during the day, every day.  

Her mom decided that she no longer needed to come play, that she was okay at home. I get it. 

no worries here!

Belle isn't as concerned, she likes being the queen without any competition.  Although she misses her play buddy, they have a similar energy level. She is much calmer and more loving without her here.  She's back to being large and in charge and doesn't have Piper telling her what to do.  Just the way she likes it. 

sissy makes a great pillow

what mama?

Beau seems to be grieving.  He is my friendly boy, the one that wants to be best buddies with everyone, dog or human - just no cats!  He talks to the pup in the house to the south (he's got a crush on her) and will play with her for hours if allowed.  He's even friendly with the pug next door.  Shoot, he made friends with the deer in the backyard.  He sits by the fence for hours (when I let him) watching, whining, calling.  

That is one of the reasons that I had been taking them hiking, to help them with the grieving process. The cold and deep snow has made that a bit of a struggle.  Thankfully warmer temperatures are heading our way and I can help him out a bit.  Yes, it was for his health, that phenobarbital is rough on the appetite, but he was struggling without Piper being here. 

"pack" being goofy

last pack walk

All that being said.  I will never do that to my babies again.  It wasn't fair.  She didn't die, they didn't move away.  These precious babies don't really have the ability to rationalize that play time is simply not needed any longer. I will never bring another dog to my home on a daily basis that isn't going to be here for good. 

They can process grief, they mourn when a part of the pack crosses the rainbow bridge, but that they understand.  When they just leave and they can see them, that is something they cannot process or understand evidently. 

It's not going to warm up until tomorrow, the snow is all packed and crunchy. I seriously struggled to walk the yard.  I will definitely not be taking them hiking with the ground like it is.  That is almost 200 lbs of dog strength, I need to be 100% sure I am stable footed and able to control them. Hopefully, the warmth coming in will provide us with more opportunities to walk soon. 

Thanks for listening to me... I think witnessing that tore my heart up more than I thought it would.  

nappy time - look at those teefers...

I guess it's time to get with it, finish up the few chores left and then decide if I want to longarm or piece today.  Anyone got a coin?  I'm calling heads...

take care, 

b

the world is heavy...

My home smells like an exotic marketplace somewhere.  Visions of Aladdin are flowing through my mind.  Or the beautiful outdoor markets of my youth, Greece, Italy, France, Germany... all the beautiful smells are definitely taking me to warmer climates and softer days.  

The freshly ground rich smell of coffee is marrying with the star anise, cardamon pods, cinnamon and ginger.  Topped off by the smell of grapes from the jello.  The softness of clean linens providing the backdrop.  I should definitely start my day like this a bit more often.  

Outside the snow is still lingering.  Slowly receding from the warmth at the sides of the house.  The sky is dark and heavy, like it is whispering that more snow could be heading our way.  I wonder if that is a whisper or a threat. I'll take a threat, but I sure don't feel I need a promise.  We've got enough. Looking at the forecast, it appears we might even be in for a bit of a warm up, if you consider 40° a warm up.  I'll take it, these single digit's have been kicking my butt.  

The pups and I want to go for a long walk, we need some fresh air. It looks like it is on the way.  I'll just quickly send up a silent prayer at this moment.  A friend of mine keeps sharing the weather in Minot vs. here at home... gotta say I never thought I would be jealous of Minot, but here we are. 

Hubs had to go to work super early this morning.  We have a visitation to go to this afternoon, and he needs to get his eight. So the early morning found me fixing hot beverages and making lunch for him.   I figured I was on a roll so why not just keep rolling.  I can't believe I just gave Beau his 8 am meds and I am pretty much done with my morning chores.  Unbelievable. It feels good to start the day off with a bang.  Guess that is why I always loved the early morning shifts... the whole day is still stretched out before me and I feel energized to actually use it. 

Beau doesn't believe in personal space
Poor Belle is getting crowded

I've got something weighing on my mind that I am longing to talk out. Have you ever had something trigger your emotions?  Something make you feel out of control and angry without a clear reason why?  I try hard to not have that happen.  But every now and again, something small will light up that part of my brain.  That darn amygdala gets hijacked and pulling it back to center feels like it takes every bit of energy and strength you have.  

This weekend I had that happen.  It was innocent, but my brain went haywire.  My darn feelings were on fire and I didn't know how to respond.  It was a nothing thing.  Seriously.  But not inside my head. It felt like I was fighting against every slight, every pain, every emotion that I had ever experienced.  The rational side of me was pretty darn disgusted with the emotional side, let me tell you.  Like I said it was simply me taking something in a way that wasn't meant. 

I think we all have those moments.  Where something is presented to us, harmlessly, but in such a manner that it sets us off.  It makes us feel irrational and out of control.  Attacked. Hard to believe that a tiny bit of gray matter in the brain can cause those emotions, those feelings.  But... it does. 

I'm starting to feel like the global population are all fighting that battle with themselves.  And as they are struggling to get a grip on what they are feeling, they are starting to lash out. Working on ways to even the "score" that their brains are amplifying.

A friend of mine, someone I used to truly adore and respect has been traveling down that dark road for a bit now. I've silently watched the change in who they are as a person, saddened for the loss I've watched happen.  The other day they shared something on Facebook that was an easily verifiable falsehood, and written to cause hate and discontent.  It was for laughs - is how they posed it.  Reading it, reading the comments and their defense of it, made me ill.  Brought a sadness to me that I didn't quite expect.  Their defense of it was that it was funny, even if untrue and that made it okay. With absolutely no concern to the fact that is was a blatant lie and in this day and age people don't search for the truth when a lie makes them feel better about their own thoughts. Hmmm... wasn't that warned about in the Bible and other teachings?

In this powder keg of a world we are living in right now, stirring a hornets nest to calm your own emotions and justify them hardly seems prudent. 

Everywhere I turn I am seeing people reacting out of frustration and anger.  They are pushing those emotions on others instead of stepping back and calming themselves. Looking deeper to see what is causing them to be in a constant state of unease. I was listening to a podcast the other day, and the overarching theme was about how we seem to be locked in a constant struggle to be right, to be the victor, when what we really need is to splash around a lot of love.  

I can't say I disagree.  

I have been walking away from a lot of things and people that bring me anxiety and stress.  If you are a negative Nelly and only want to tear people down.  Sorry, we aren't going to continue being friends or even acquaintances. If I go to your business and you are ugly, well, I am not required to frequent your business.  This isn't something that has happened overnight, nor are the decisions something I am making irrationally.  I give grace, but I refuse to live with abuse in any form. 

Now, I realize that in a work situation or professional relationship, it isn't that easy.  And you can't exactly yell at someone telling them that their "style" is really hurting your working relationship.  I've been there.  I completely get that one.  It definitely feels like more and more "leaders" are not exactly leading anymore, they are attacking or dictating from on high.  I've watched managers berate people, put them down, cause them grief simply because they can. I've witnessed rudeness to peers and subordinates that makes my brain do flip flops trying to understand it all. 

I've watched the woman that leads the aqua therapy at the VA treat veterans in her care with a harsh and uncaring manner.  I can't even say bordering on rudeness, she is flat out horrible to them.  Not only are these men and women veterans that served their country thanklessly, they are also the reason that she has a job.  One for which she doesn't seem very grateful. 

My question is why?  What is triggering these actions.  The hatefulness is exhausting.  It keeps everyone in a state of defense and no one is communicating or working together.  Is that the plan?  To just divide us all on every level?  To keep our amygdala's in an constant state of hijack where we no longer have the ability to be civil and caring to one another?  Does that attitude make them feel better about themselves?  Are the people losing control of themselves even aware of the shotgun effect of their actions and words?  Do they care? 

I pray that I am not doing that to others.  I pray that when my amygdala gets hijacked that I am able to always step away and recenter myself.  This weekend, I knew it was entirely a me thing, I knew it was my past pains and hurts stepping forward to steal center stage.  Stupid.  Yes, an entirely human response. Once I was able to sort out why I reacted the way I did, I was able to move forward.  Sometimes innocent comments can cause those emotions.  How we react is the difference.  If I had exploded in anger or been petty, those would not have been appropriate and would have escalated a nothing into a something. 

It feels like a lot of people these days are escalating that nothing. And the something is getting uglier by the moment.  I'm watching things that literally break my heart.  People that I would have described as caring, honest, even nurturing are showing a side that is just plain gross.  People from another lifetime, people I respected, that inspired me.  I am watching them destroy others in a quest I can't understand.  Nothing in this world is worth anything if it has to have destruction of another to achieve it.  

I don't have answers.  Only observations that cause me to stop and ponder.  It's easier from the outside.  Most of what I am watching is heartbreaking. I truly have no solutions.  Only questions. 

I will keep doing my best to offer hope, love, encouragement.  I don't want to fight someone else's amygdala.  Heck I have enough trouble keeping my own in check. A very long time ago I was assigned to read a book "Switch: How to change when change is hard" by Chip Heath. I only vaguely paid attention, because honestly I hate being assigned to do just about anything.  The bits I did read really stuck with me, and I should probably revisit it, because I think it is valuable, especially in this time we are living in, in a way I didn't understand back then. Says the woman that just dug out her Nook and put it on charge - hopefully it still works it's been in the cupboard for years....

Wow, I have definitely rattled on today, I am guessing things are making me a bit frazzled around the edges and I'm not in the thick of it. I'm going to continue doing the best I can to help everyone around me get into a calmer spot, a slower space.  I'm going to continue to encourage everyone to step back.  Shut off the television, the computer, the phone.  Remember the 80's and before.  Go outside, breath fresh air (okay now I know I'm frazzled) and simply be.  Smell some spices. Dig into some of those granny/grandpa skills and hobbies, and if you've forgotten them, maybe it's time to get back in touch with them.  Remind yourself... 

The laundry is wrapping up, there are a few more chores to deal with and then I intend to focus in on things that will get us closer to plan. What does your day look like, how are you reconnecting? 

much love, 

b

after the chaos...

It's strange.  Yesterday was highly stressful, full of angst, anger, lack of faith in everything.  It didn't start out that way, and it didn't end that way.  Things happen. Hubs had a heck of a day, which led to some conversations that were a mix of what if's, maybe's and do you thinks... 

Over the course of the day, plans were solidified.  Back up plans were created and forward motion happened.  Yesterday, was a tough one, but I definitely think it was the match we both needed lit.  I often read a phrase lately that I still struggle to take to heart.  When people show you who they are, believe them.  I think Hubs and I both refuse to take off the rose colored glasses and want to believe the best of everyone.  

So when someone shows their true nature, it's hard.  It's a slap. It shocks you for a moment and makes you step back and re-evaluate.  Truth is, when you take off those glasses and you truly look, you see it shouldn't have surprised you.  They showed you all along who and what they are, you just didn't want to see it. 

Today is better.  Hubs is taking a half day off, so it will be a longer weekend.  Which is good as he had to be at work before the sun even considered rising.  He is going to a goodbye party for one of his guys.  I'm sure he will enjoy it.  He's worked hard all week, the break will do him good.  Physically and mentally. 

Massachusetts Cross and Crown Block

I finished up the first hint of the black and white quilt yesterday before the wheels fell off the bus so to speak.  Once life gets crazy, it's hard to slip back into those soft spots and relax.  I didn't try.  I did things I was putting off.  Hard thoughts make me want to do unpleasant things to balance it all out.  

Somewhere I will pop an accent color but for now...

So taxes are officially finished and so is our family budget for the year.  Frankly, those are two tasks I despise. By the time those were done, Hubs was home and we had just enough time to head out to pick up our milk order. 

Standing in the bitter cold, with kindred spirits, waiting on our order started to refocus things.  It was amazing to see all of those around us carrying their coolers or baskets full of empty jars and egg cartons, ready to return them for refills.  The kids waiting patiently with their parents, learning lessons that will hopefully stay with them forever. Health is important. Supporting local is important. Convenience isn't always a good solution. 

Sometimes, the little things are the important things. 

We ended up having a later dinner than planned, as the pick up window is only 6 - 630 pm.  We have to leave by 530 pm to get there by 6 pm - there is always evening traffic driving out.  It's only a 19 minute drive home, no traffic.  We always take the pups, just in case things go wonky.  Beau has to have his meds on time.  Those are some of the little things that matter, that are worth changing our world around for. 

I also realized in the chaos of the day, that I'd forgotten to make the Hubs' his chai concentrate.  He loves a chai latte, so I make sure to always have a jar of concentrate in the fridge for him to have one each day. After last night, I might switch to making the batch in the evenings from now on, that scent while it is cooking is so warm, earthy, calming.  The way it filled the air was heavenly. 

It's been such a busy morning, I can't believe that is it only 7:40 am.  I woke up at 245 am, wide awake again, I know there have to be more people in my tribe.  Those of us that go to bed early, but are awake and busy long before the sun considers the day started. I've quit trying to force myself back to sleep, I only end up with a headache. Instead, I start the day strong, I'll rest later if I get tired. 

I live on a the ridge of a common ground circle, when I am on my back deck in the morning I can see all the others with their lights on.  I know I am not alone.  I wonder if this is a new phenomenon, this middle of the night wakefulness, or if it is truly how things are supposed to be.  Are our sleep patterns also programmed?  Are they unnatural?  I know both of my children are night owls, or they used to be.  If given their own schedules they will gladly stay up and active until the wee hours.  I was the same when I was MUCH younger. 

I remember the first job I had that required me to be there by 430 am.  I thought it was the work of the devil, normal people didn't wake up that early.  It didn't take me long to fall in absolute love with that shift. I was finished with my work day long before others and still had hours of "play time" left to enjoy my day. 

I'm still that person and thankfully I am married to my kindred spirit.  Who else is going to wake up in the middle of the night and enjoy coffee with me? Or maybe it is simply part or aging?  Not needing the amount of sleep we did as youngsters? I don't know... Open to suggestions.

Not a morning pup 😂

As the day is laying before me, chores mostly finished and Beau's last med time almost here... I think I am going to head to the studio and make up for lost time. Now that all the chaos and clutter from yesterday has cleared out of my mind. 

Enjoy your Friday!

much love, 

b

snooze day...

Nice toasty fire, semi-warm coffee... Finally a moment to sit down and decompress this morning.  Hubs had to be to work super early, something about a basketball hoop, so I'm spending a few moments between meds just relaxing. 

I just loaded up the dehydrator with duck feet, oh that smell is so pleasant... UCK!  But my pups love them and it is a whole lot more reasonable than buying them at the pet store. I need to head up to the market in the next few days to get the freeze dryer loaded up with some more of the organ meats that they love.  They are both doing so much better since we've eliminated things like milk bones and so many of the chemicals from their diets. I pray daily that my Beau will never have another seizure and do everything I can to keep both of them healthy and thriving. 

That's the reason today will not involve a walk.  Belle was sort of lame yesterday afternoon.  She is so hyper and over the top, that she either pulled something or strained it bouncing in the snow.  Beau loves the snow, but wasn't about snow mountain climbing yesterday.  Belle, well she's certain she is part mountain goat. So today we rest, well at least they do. 

I started on my mystery quilts and now I am hyper focused on all the projects I want to accomplish this year.  So much so that I didn't sleep well last night.  Woke up a couple of times wanting to sneak into the studio and work.  The grown up part of me said don't you dare wake your husband and the pups.  I hate being a grown up sometimes. I fitfully went back to sleep a few times, before giving up at 4:00 am.  I decided if I couldn't sew I would do my other chores so that I could sew as soon as 8:00 am meds were given.

4 little blocks... only 11 more months 
of hints to go...

It's unbelievable how unsteady your hands can get when you haven't sewn for a couple of months.  Darn thumb.  I ended up nicking my hand yesterday with the rotary cutter.  Thankfully it wasn't bad, it was simply shocking.  I don't know that I have ever done that in decades of using one. Then I ended up cutting too many of some squares and not enough of others.  It was like my head wasn't even remotely in the game.  

By the time I had cut, sewn and ironed all the pieces for the black and white one, I felt I was really in my groove.  Only to realize that I had spent hours simply making 4 small blocks for one quilt and putting all the bits together to assemble 4 blocks for the other one.  Yep, it sure didn't feel productive.  

Didn't help that I found myself day dreaming about all the other quilts I want to make this year.  Or should I say finish.  Although I know that I will end up making a few from the start.  I have so many that never got finished when I was part of the corporate rat race.  I really want to finish those this year. My motto this year is totally going to be "done is better than perfect".  I want to finish them all!  Start next year with a clean slate. Do I think I will?  Who knows it's been on my list to do that for several years now.  Then my quilting ADHD kicks in, I start seeing patterns that I can't wait to make, or participate in a shop hop and acquire fabrics that I don't need but fall in love with just the same.  It's a vicious cycle. 

Well, coffee is ice cold and the fire is down to one last log that's almost gone.  I paused to chat with my sister.  Let me tell you, those of us here in the middle mid-west with our mini-mountains of snow have nothing to complain about.  Our gas stations aren't running out of gas, our banks aren't closed and the majority of our roads are passable.  Some might not be the easiest.  But at least we have snow shovels, plows, ice melt and we are all semi used to this white fluff.  I can't even fathom living in the southern states and dealing with this. 

I'm guessing that my girl definitely needs to rest today, as she isn't even bugging me about the "w... a... l... k", neither of them are.  They are both snoring away.  Good.  I hate when they give me that disapproving disappointed look that they are both the masters of. 

Meds have been given, Pups are sleeping, coffee is ready to be dumped... I'd say it's time to go and get those blocks out of my mind and move on to the next one. I have big plans... but can I follow through?

Stay safe and warm. 

much love, 

b

waiting

The park was accessible, so we went and burned off some serious energy, for all of us.  We decided to go to Route 66 State Park yesterday, it's one of the pups absolute favorite places to romp.  And romp they did.  In that giant park there were probably 4 of us brave enough to consider 30° to be warm enough for a nice walk in the snow. I had asked the pups if they wanted to go, around 1 pm, but then thought to ask James when he would be available for a late lunch as he was out in that neck of the woods.  Let me tell you, they were not happy about waiting as you can see from the picture.  Every few moments they turned and stared me down for two hours. 

This morning it was only 19°, so we went to a closer park/path.  Again, most folks aren't crazy evidently and they did not join us on our morning romp.  I am fairly certain my pups are going to sleep a fair amount of the day, heck I might join them.  Romping through the snow is exhausting, especially since I'm short and 8" of snow is past mid-calf. Belle and Beau were definitely chest deep as they ran through the wide open spaces and sunk time and time again. 

our view this morning... Meramec Greenway Park

The fresh air was definitely needed.  Cold fingers and ears, even with gloves and hats on were a welcome feeling.  Being one with nature is so very important to me and them.  

I know I lost it yesterday, I'd had too much time to process too many things.  Listening to the news this morning and hearing all the water main's that are bursting causing me even more concern for the folks around us.  Knowing what my family in the south is dealing with... again, stressful.  Today, I am calmer.  I took time disconnect from it all as we walked.  Thankful for the folks that plowed those pathways to allow the peace to over take us.  

We haven't taken a picture together
in what feels like forever.  Just missed
Belle peaking between us.

Talking to my neighbors that were working on the walks in front of their homes, we were questioning if we are going to see the snow gone before spring.  Standard consensus... nope.  This cold is definitely holding on to it and the snow drifts that we are all creating will probably last until summer at this point.  It's crazy. 

This morning I was looking through photos I took yesterday and then just got sucked into looking at the past few months.  Back in November I checked our local persimmon seeds, wondering what the prediction was for this winter.  Each little seed showed a shovel or knife like seed.  As mild as December was, I though darn, they were wrong.  Well, I guess January needed a moment to get ready.  Because it definitely delivered. 

The persimmons never lie...

I finally decided to make my first batch of lip balm, the dryness in the air was causing my lips to crack and feel a bit tender, I knew it was time.  I've been wanting to try making them with tallow, beeswax and essential oils, the healing properties are amazing.  I did add a few drops of vitamin E oil, as I wanted a bit more of preservative added naturally.  I had purchased all of the stuff I needed long ago, but as usual I kept coming up with a reason not to try. Fear of failure?  Maybe.  Fear of the unknown? Probably.

Today, I am berating myself a bit for my procrastinating nature. I will make more, trying other ingredients that will make it even more nourishing.  Not today, I currently have 6 tubes of lip balm, that should last me for a bit of time. It felt nice to finally not have to carry that task forward to yet another week on my weekly calendar. 

My last soap was finally firm enough to cut yesterday. I was running an experiment, I usually add sodium lactate to soaps, as it creates a harder bar of soap.  This batch needed a bit longer in the mold, okay almost a full week.  I won't know for months yet how it holds up against the soaps that I have added it to.  It is mostly a curiosity thing, not so much a dislike of the addition. 

Well, I guess that I should get busy today.  Since it's still super cold and my pups are snoozing, I guess I will start marinating dinner and then head up to the sewing studio.  Wonder how many more items I can get checked off my list? 

If you are out and about, roads are fantastic, the cold is not!  Stay warm!!

much love, 

b