can we talk?

What an incredibly busy morning!  I actually slept in as Hubs put it, I mean 5:30 am is a bit late for me.  Hubs had to get going super early, so I spent a few minutes marveling at the changes in the world, just since going to sleep last night, checking on things that are important to me while I drank my morning coffee.  There is so much going on in the world right now, so very much.  I hope that people are opening their eyes to see all that is coming to light, all of the changes, sadly, I fear many are not. 

Breakfast with the Hubs by six, puppies fed, a quick refill to my coffee cup and up the stairs I went as soon as he left for the day.  It was a super productive first hour of the day, I truly was longing to go back to sleep, my rest has been interrupted by a lot of crazy dreams lately, instead I headed to my sewing room. 

I am working on a commissioned quilt, in fact now is simply a back break, all the squares are pieced and I need to play puzzle on the floor to assemble it in a way that is most pleasing. I figured as long as I needed to stop for a few, I would write.  

I spent the morning listening to my favorite preacher, listening intently to her words, the scriptures she shared and the message.  I rarely start my day any differently.  I pray God understands that in order for my brain to retain information, my hands need to be busy.  I truly subscribe to idol hands being the devils workshop, as mine are rarely still. The message was powerful. I needed to hear it.  

Are we ready?  When God moves and rights this mixed up world we are living in, are we truly ready?  I felt strongly that I could say yes, but my eyes were a bit glassy when I thought about the many masses that are still wearing blinders to it all. What will be the outcome for them?  Heartbreaking to consider. 

I am still looking into the verses, I want to understand deeper the message.  I moved on to listening to several of my favorite homesteading creators.  I often resonate with their messages and I learn so much from them.  The two I listened to while stitching away often come from different angles making the learning that much deeper.  Today they approached a topic from similar and yet very different angles.  It was interesting and seriously had my head spinning as I worked and listened. 

I'm sure if you are even remotely listening to anything that isn't straight mainstream media, you are aware that there is a dire shortage of diesel.  This is due to some incredibly stupid ideas and policies at it's very core.  You might even be aware that there have been many warnings that there will be food shortages and the like.  Or maybe you have done your own math, looked at your own expenses and realized that the inflation rate is far greater than you've been told.  

At any rate, there are issues in this world right now.   This isn't an American thing, it's global, look at what is going on around the world if you doubt it.  They were exploring things going on regarding food security and having the basics one needs.  Many groceries will not be able to get food, those big old semi's move almost all of it.  The one was speaking about the sheer number of grocery stores going out of business already.  The apparent push towards already huge groceries buying up smaller ones and the limited resources rapidly happening outside of large cities.  There's an agenda out there that speaks to this being a goal.  Look it up. 

The other one was speaking about a channel that she follows saying that people will not need to garden.  That blows my mind.  They were speaking about you would just get everything from the grocery.  Um... at what cost?  

The second one has a family member that is still alive that lived through the last great depression, so she spoke at depth with her.  The words resonated in my heart and soul.  I firmly believe that God will take care of all of us, that he will right things, that we will make it through these times.  

Several things really popped in my head while sitting there happily sewing away and listening to all of this. The first was in regards to are we ready.  If you doubt that things can change in a day, maybe you need to think back to that Friday in March of 2020.  It's etched in my mind, things definitely changed in a day for everyone.  Not all of us experienced the dramatic changes of basically being prisoners in our own homes, of our jobs ceasing (some permanently), but all of us experienced a dramatic change.  

How many were ready for that change?  Do you remember the panic buying of supplies, the uncertainty, the fear?  I mean I am truly still trying to understand the toilet paper panic, but I digress. When the coming changes happen, and I firmly, with my entire heart believe they are coming, how many will be ready? How many have looked beyond the programming that is bombarding us daily to really see what is going on and heeded the warnings and words that have been out there.

Another thought that became very prevalent in my mind, is one that has been rattling for a good long while.  Some of those groceries, and other businesses, are closing because of no employees.  I struggled with that myself when I still worked outside of the home.  I also explored the "no one wants to work phenomenon".  Struggling to understand where all the employees have magically disappeared to, pondering how people were living/surviving without a job, questioning work ethics, ideas, things we have been taught to believe.  

For the longest time, I truly believed the narrative (yep in this case I am going to use that word).  The longer I have been away from the "work a day world", I have other ideas.  Maybe it isn't that no one wants to work.  Maybe, and hear me out, maybe the forced shutting of the world lead to an awakening that no one expected.  

For far too long the family unit has been neglected.  The goal has been to own and buy far more than needed, i.e. keeping up with the Jones' mentality.  And for the record I also do not subscribe to the "you will own nothing, and be glad of it" mentality either.  When we were locked down, schools closed, day care deemed only for truly "essential" employees, stores closed or limited, etc... Maybe, just maybe the mindset shifted. 

Instead of the gradual women's liberation movement that took several generations to accomplish, in one fell swoop families had to re-evaluate priorities and lives. 

Did that plethora of workers, the overflowing abundance of people searching for jobs to keep up with what society deemed important realize that they didn't need all of that?  

Did they realize that we have way too many businesses.  The joy of cooking at home and eating a meal with your loved ones.  Did they realize that having the latest and greatest clothing in the seasons' colors and styles really didn't matter that much?  Did they do the math and figure out that Mom (or Dad) having that job that created the families second income wasn't nearly worth what they were giving up in return?

Many times over my working life I did that math, it shattered my heart that I was giving up precious time with my babies for an extra $100 or so dollars a week after you took out for all the extra expenses connected to working.  Yet, I always justified it, I always found a reason that I needed to stay at work, to keep up with what was expected. 

Maybe folks have realized so much of what they thought they needed, what they were programmed to need (marketing anyone?) wasn't really that important after all.  And maybe at least one parent is now at home raising their family, taking care of their homestead, doing the things that they were paying someone else to do.  

I don't believe people became lazy, okay some did, I do believe that most people's priorities changed.  They got tired of the true cost of being a link in the chain that was making others rich and stealing too much from them. 

Doubt it?  Take a look at what is all around.  

Families need tending by someone invested in them, someone that loves and cherishes them.  Anyone catch the disaster that went on at the day care center in I believe it was Mississippi (not sure) where the providers literally terrorized the babies (2-3 years old) in a scream mask.  None of our children need that. 

The "quick food" that we buy because we don't have time to prepare meals and insure quality nutrition is full of chemicals, and other questionable products and items. I literally read a label on some crackers that we'd bought the other day for an event that stated this item contains bio-engineered food products.  Excuse me?  Fairly positive God did a great job of creating the food we need.  I don't want bio-engineered food.  I want it God made.  Probably why obesity is at an all time high.  Bodies can't process that crap. 

And please let's not start talking about our medical system.  Our education system.  Oh Lord, these two are damaged.  So many good people are trying so hard to navigate and follow their hearts believing they are helping while being hindered by the very training and teaching they have received.  

We have been deprogrammed from being self-sufficient.  We have lost those skills that will save us if and when things are taken away from us (remember the past couple of years?). We rely on big businesses and give little thought to taking care of ourselves.  

Oh, sadly I do believe that we are on a collision course with some hard times.  I also believe that through the power of God, through reclaiming our own God given powers we will 100% not only survive it, but we will thrive. 

Like I said the other day, if you are still reading my blog, welcome.  I am tired of dancing in the middle.  I am tired of watching the destruction and sitting silent on the edges of it all.  I strongly encourage you to step out of that quasi comfortable space.  To reconnect with the world you are being encouraged to leave behind you.  Spend time talking to people about the old ways, I think there is a great deal of value to be found there... 

My back is rested, my head is cleared and it is time for me to start laying out that quilt.  I'd love to finish the main part today, before heading off for some family time.... 

love, prayers and peace...

gratitude and joy...

Good morning from the treetop garden!  I'm sitting here beside my fading little fire, enjoying this beautiful morning.  I can't believe it is late August and I needed a sweatshirt to sit here beside the fire to push back the chill.  How utterly amazing. The puppies decided we should get up early today, Daddy woke up at four so mommy shouldn't sleep past 4:15 am should she?  Those "little" pups are huge now so those tiny jumps will take the breath right out of you when you are deeply asleep.  

I tried for about fifteen minutes to ignore them, but they can be quiet insistent when they want attention, besides, by then my brain had fully engaged and there was no drifting back to dreamland.  Instead it was full of random thoughts... ya know the kind... what in the world are they fighting over, is that going to choke them, oh goodness am I getting pounced again, should I just get up and start the day, what all do I need to accomplish, I could be using this time productively... yeah that list and more barged in loudly and on auto-repeat. 

As I led them downstairs my eyes were still semi-closed, my feet felt leaden, I really was still sleepy and to top it off the coffee wasn't even brewed yet.  As soon as I walked out into the garden so that they could go outside I felt whole and fresh.  The slight cresent of the moon was barely visible through the trees, I would have expected it to be further west, but I am sure that is a sign of the changing seasons.  The sky was clear and filled with stars, the air was crisp and clean.  I cherish my time outside.  

Right now I am sitting here watching what appears to be an entire family of squirrels (one of which is pure white) racing through the canopy of the trees high above the garden.  They are running through the branches, assuredly jumping and flying gracefully through the air when the distance is a bit too far.  I love watching them, as long as they stay out of the garden.  So far I've seen 5 of them.  Every few moments there is a slight chattering sound from their direction, I don't have any nut trees out there, so unfortunately they are doing any preparing for the cold winter that will soon be upon us. 

Pretty sure I am his support human,
yes he is lying on my legs

The pups are 9 months old now and every day they loose a few more of their puppy fears.  This morning they happily romped for hours in the darkness, something unheard of even a few weeks ago. I've watched them timidly more further and further out from the light.  Today felt like the day they grew up.  As they wrestled, played, ran and romped over the course of the entire yard.  They just got baths on Saturday, today, they look like little mud puddle pups again. Belle will groom herself.  Beau, nope, he is pure boy, he will proudly sit there covered from head to tail and everything in between with a puzzled look on his face that you are concerned with his appearance.  All he needs is a backwards baseball cap to finish the look. They both just went inside to take their morning nap, Belle as tidy as you please and Beau moving through the house like my personal Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. 

why lie on the mat when you can lie in the dirt?

brave explorers in the early dawn

I'm not a huge fan of non-stop sweeping and vacuuming, but they are living their best lives and bringing me boundless joy and happiness.  What's a little dirt?

The seasons are definitely shifting, each day there are a few more brightly colored leaves lying on the deck, the bright reds are starting to pop up in the trees.  My garden is transitioning.  I've let a few things go to seed, in fact just this morning I picked a huge yellow pickle, I will harvest the seeds in a short while.  It was so prolific that I want to insure I have the same plant next year.  There is still active growth on most everything, tomato bushes are heavy with fruit, peppers and beans abound.  My okra is still putting out long slender pods. 

This morning while I was drinking my coffee and watching puppies I decided I may as well work in my garden, there was plenty of light and it was definitely cool enough.  There is something magical about working in the moonlight in your garden.  I watched the spiders spinning their webs, working frantically to get them finished before mornings light, planning for the feast they will have tonight when the sun sets. I braced the tomatoes to hold them tall, so many of the plants are still covered with beautiful tomatoes. 

I am going to harvest some of the green beans here in a bit, I'll can them up in the stews that I will make today.  As winter makes fresh, local veggies hard to find we will enjoy the flavors of summer. I read an article recently in regards to smoking and drying my peppers to preserve them, I need to dig a bit deeper and then I will reach out to my friends that smoke for me when all of these peppers are ready.  The Anaheim and Pinata peppers are covered.  I feel so blessed by the bounty I've been able to grow.  Even the jalapeno's that I was sure were done, are once again covered with new leaves, flowers and peppers.  

Hubs and I spent a very quiet weekend, mostly at home, resting, puttering and watching some movies he picked.  I made great progress on the sweater I am working on, I'm anxious to finish it, but realistic enough to know that I have probably got a couple more weeks to completion. I can't stop everything and knit, although it is tempting. 

added about 6 inches since I took the picture

When we went out yesterday, I realized why I am finding more and more peace being at home.  People are getting angrier and more aggressive. Every time I go out I am observing it. We went to a couple of farmers markets, they were looking fairly bare.  Although there was a steady stream of people, all hoping to find what was on their lists.  

My heart sunk at the last one we were at, it was fairly well stocked although the prices were higher than expected.  A very elderly couple next to me were sorting through peaches, carefully filling a box, in hushed tones they were talking about canning them.  Each questioning the other if they knew how to do it, both saying they didn't, but they were going to have to learn if they wanted to eat.  He in his overalls with time worn hands and creases on his face making me think he spent a great deal of time outside doing manual labor, burst into a huge smile and assured her that he had the internet, he could figure it out. 

I'm worried about where our world is heading.  I am trying not to fear for the future, but finding myself often pondering it.  I went to a regular grocery after exhausting all of the local markets, I had to give up.  I was stunned.  So many shelves were bare, meat departments were not only basically empty, but the costs for things has risen so much.  There was barely any dairy and I was stunned to see full sections of shelves and refrigerated sections completely empty.  I watched so many pick things up, look at the prices and put them back.  If Hubs hadn't been waiting in the car I feel that I would have lingered just to observe.  

I hope you are paying attention.  Things are not getting better regardless of what we hear on the news.  The story they are telling doesn't match up with what you see in the real world.  Trying to get gas was absolutely stressful.  We sat in line for about 20 minutes, people were aggressively cutting one another off, you could see the tension as the got out of their cars to pump gas.  Sure the price is down a bit, but it makes you question what is causing the anxiety if everything is as okay as they say. 

Well, the sun is breaking across the horizon, Hubs has already left for the day, he's taking my car in for a tire rotation before he begins his busy day.  It's inspection week, I won't see much of him. My fire is almost gone, my coffee is cold, I guess it's time to give up on the slow waking up and get busy with my day.  Much to do... 

I'm sending you all prayers for prosperity, joy and gratitude....

love and peace... 

opinions...

I've found the past few days to be calming and centering.  I haven't thought about writing and I honestly haven't missed it, until late yesterday, I hadn't really thought about it.  I've been gently living life and absorbing things around me.  Trying to stay super neutral so that I can see all sides of things. 

When you step back and simply observe you find things are spiraling in so many areas.  You can see so much that you miss in the noise of participating. Some of it saddens me, it makes me question if people are actually aware of what is going on around them.  If they have thought out all of the ins and outs or if they are simply living in the moment.  Forgetting all of the precious lessons that history has taught us.  

"Those that do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it" was first written by philosopher George Santayana, The Life of Reason 1905.  Many through the ages have edited it and changed it to suit the times in life.  But the fact is, it's pretty solid advice. I've always lived by it and strive to fully understand things that have happened in the past.  

Taking time to study and learn.  And when new evidence arises taking time to re-evaluate what I thought I knew vs the new evidence and where the understanding took me from there.  I can say there are many things I thought I knew very well, things I had accepted and thought made sense until they didn't. 

What I am discovering is that there really isn't anything new under the sun and we are always repeating a lesson that we didn't learn well enough in the past. 

For example a dear friend posted their stance on the latest attempt to change the 2nd amendment.  I didn't comment.  I couldn't.  I needed time to process it.  Because the only thing that came to mind was the poem "First They Came" by Pastor Martin Niemoller.

First they came for the Communists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Communist

Then they came for the Socialists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Socialist

Then they came for the trade unionists

And I did not speak out 

Because I was not a trade unionist

Then they came for the Jews 

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Jew

Then they came for me

And there was no one left

To speak for me

 He was a complicated individual, who didn't realize until far too late that the very things he had supported, the antisemitic activities against the Jewish people would eventually come around to him when he spoke out about the Nazi control of the church. 

When you learn about these things and struggle to remember them, it is easier to see what is happening. Did you know the Jewish people were not allowed to own guns? Why?  What was the reasoning behind it? I personally do not care if you own a gun or you don't.  I don't care if you have an entire armory or you are opposed to all guns.  The truth of the matter is the criminals aren't going through a background check at any point.  They simply don't care.  Our constitution was designed in such a way that we are given freedom at birth, that amendment has nothing to do with hunting.  

It is one of the things that protects us from losing those rights and freedoms.  It breaks my heart into a million pieces when folks don't do research, don't learn from the past, don't study every side of an argument or bill. 

There is a lot going on right now.  None of it is in our favor.  We are simply the chattel that will continue to slave away to make a very small percentage of humans wealthy beyond comprehension.  We are expendable as long as we allow it.  Stop for a moment and think about mass shootings, when do they occur and no we are not the only country suffering from them, so lay that to rest.  We are just the only country being talked about in the media non-stop because we have those rights that others don't.  

Think about what the media is putting out there, think about the responses, really think and look.  Eyes wide open, look.  Before you decide your thoughts and feelings based on biased, non-stop repeating news stories, research (hint go to nontraditional sources).  Dust off the real encyclopedias - the ones that cannot be edited and locked every time there is a new update to "the facts".  The ones written before this time and place. 

I never would have believed 1984 was going to be a guidebook to our lives, but here we are.  I'm tired of newspeak, I'm tired of the control.  So far since I've been silent I've heard the WEF wants us to give up our own cars, eat bugs and cut our nitrogen and CO2 emissions in the name of a greener planet.  Newsflash for all of those non-gardening/farming folks out there both nitrogen and CO2 are critical for a greener planet, they are literally the food for the green of the planet. 

Stop and think about it all.

Our children are not learning about banking, finances, the way our government works, how to protect themselves from predatory practices.  They aren't truly learning about the environment and what keeps it healthy and thriving in schools anymore.  If you look at curriculum and the stuff coming out of schools as assignments, it's positively unsettling. I'm thankful my children are finished with school, I wish my grands were.  The things that are important to create responsible adults are being brushed past, a brief footnote.  Thankfully, I am not faced with the decisions to unschool or homeschool vs. a traditional education.  I pray for those that are. 

They are pushing folks to move into over crowded urban areas.  It will be better they say.  For whom?  Want to learn something disturbing?  Check out Neom, in Saudi Arabia, and like I said, nothing new under the sun... then learn about Prora.  I grew up in Germany, I have witnessed first hand the tiny apartments stacked one on top of another.  No thank you, I simply don't like neighbors that much.   

Prora

I know our news media isn't covering it, but it appears the Dutch and Italian farmers are giving their governments a run for their money and good on them.  I read a comment on one of my gardening groups that stunned me more than words.  The article was about the farmers being tired of all the restrictions being placed on them, how difficult it was making it to provide the crops that are needed to feed the world in general (and yes, we can grow sufficient food for the entire planet - no one needs to be dying of starvation - do some actual research if you don't believe me).  But the comment that literally made my head spin was from a woman and her response was... "I don't know why people are worrying about the farmers and their crops, everyone knows you can just go to Kroger or Albertson's and buy all that you want"... 

Was she serious?  Lord I hope not.  But given the way things are going... sadly I fear she was. They have created a total disconnect between people and where their food comes from.  Heck, saw an advertisement from German about Insect Burgers. Ummmmm nope. Not interested. In fact, do your kiddo's a favor, take them to farms, let them harvest their own food.  Teach them to can and put it away for the winter months. Don't know how?  There are so many wonderful people that will teach them the skills that are being lost to technology, find those people, spread that knowledge.  

Let them savor the sweetness of a peach picked straight from the branch.  Soft and sweet. Tree ripened fruit has no comparison in the grocery store. Or let them wander through fields of overgrown blackberry bushes like I did this past weekend.  The kids that were with their parents were having a great time looking deep within the vines for the ripe lush blackberries, they knew that they were helping their mom gather for the blackberry cobbler they were going to have for dinner. Their screaming and yelling drove me bonkers, but in their defense I wasn't feeling well, so everything was driving me bonkers.  The beauty is that they understood where that wonderful treat was coming from.  Shop farmers markets, find that field ripened produce and support your local farmers, stop being the cog that is feeding the machine designed to destroy us.  

As you can see, I've had a lot on my mind.  I'm still sitting back and watching.  I'm taking the approach that I can't change the world, but I can learn to flow through it. Today will be a busy day, because even though I wasn't 100% feeling awesome on Saturday we went to the Amish market and picked blackberries.  Hubs and I managed to can all of the green beans yesterday, even saved a few seeds to be able to grow my own next year, but the summer cold that I managed to get has been kicking my behind just a touch.  

So today is salsa making, canning potatoes, making some bread (wheat free) in honor of Lughnasadh (the first harvest of the year), and canning up some yummy peaches.  Winter will soon be here and the flavors of summer will make those days far brighter and more welcoming. If there is any energy left untapped at that point I will make another batch of jalapeno's, a few more pickles and something with my paltry little 3 pounds of blackberries.  I don't know if I will get it all finished, this cold has definitely slowed my roll, but this is the best I've felt in days, so time to get busy. 

Life is crazy folks.  Please be aware, please pay very close attention.  Because much like the poem I quoted above the time may come when there will be no one to speak for you. 

love and prayers.... 

lessons learned...

Do you ever sit down at the end of the day and realize that it is almost the first time all day that you've stopped?  That you are finally not busy? Today has been a blur since I woke up.  I slept in, 7 am is not a normal wake up for me, but I was up until around 12:30 am so, I guess it all balances out. 

The day started at a rush and just kept going.  Hubs went to spend the day fishing down at Trout Lodge, he's there for a retreat for the next couple of days, but today was simply about him and a buddy spending some quality time wetting a line and talking away. 

I spent my day entertaining puppies, canning up the case of tomatoes that had to be finished today (I'm sitting here waiting for the pressure to go down so I can take the last batch out of the canner), running errands and spending a bit of time with my girl.  We don't often get to spend time just the two of us, so it was nice. 

She was gifted some boards that she thought maybe I could use to make some signs, and I do believe she is correct.  They are the kind that would make great farmhouse signs.  I went over to pick them up, visited with her for a bit, both of us got terrified by a baby snake that simple did not want to leave, we planned thinning out her catnip and mint plants, I will probably go over a couple of times this week and put some in pots for her. I helped her get her stuff out for the yard sale, she is working a bigger job this week and won't have much time, I will have time, so I spent it enjoying her company and working together. 

I had to return some tops today, I'd ordered what size I thought I would/could wear, never in a million years dreaming that I could wear an even smaller size now.  It was unbelievable to me that they were too big, I'd felt I was being overly optimistic when I ordered the size I did.  I decided while I was there I would see if they had any shorts in Hubs size, he only managed to get two pairs the day before and they were the same color.  It's summer, he needs shorts.  They did have them so I got back into line.  I stood in that line for 45 minutes.  My legs were hurting and I was tired.  I thought about saying never mind, but I felt I should stay and get them for him.  

There was a single cashier, no other help anywhere to be seen.  His tag said he was an associate in training.  If I still hired people, I would hire him in a second.  He was super polite, apologized for the delay and stayed cheerful as he worked non-stop.  I asked him if he had any help, his reply, "I hope some relief will show up soon ma'am, but I promise that I will help everyone a quickly as I can until that happens".  I was there for about an hour and a half total and he was the only employee I saw during that entire time. He smiled to everyone and acted as if taking care of them was the most important thing in the world.  I was amazed, he had every reason to be snarly, off-tempered and frustrated.  And yet, he chose to be the exact opposite. 

I left that store and went to another to pick up an order and get a couple of things for my girl.  I decided to shop first, but I was getting tired of shopping and ready to be done.  I found a line and got in it.  One person in front of me, wouldn't be too bad.  The man in front of me was in a sling and struggling to unload his cart, the cashier was so sweet and helped him out.  As he started to pay I was getting more and more tired and feeling a bit fussy inside.  I pulled out gift card after gift card to pay for his bill that was over $300, each time it lowered it by $5 - $25 dollars, I was starting to wonder if I was destined to be in the longest line all day.  Knowing, that I was done with shopping and any other plans for the day were going to have to wait.

Finally it was my turn.  I explained to the cashier that I had two separate baskets, one was mine, one was my daughters.  This opened the door for the cashier to tell me all about what she and her daughter were going through in life and how traumatic it was.  I was definitely feeling overwhelmed by the story and my need to finally be home and sitting.  I was worn and had expended far too much energy on non-productive things.  The line was growing.  I kept prodding her to complete the transaction, almost wishing I had opted for self-checkout.  I hate the way the cashier bags my purchase when I self-checkout.  Anyhow as we were wrapping up she mentioned that her daughter might have cancer and needed prayers.  I didn't think twice as I gathered my bags up and started to walk away, reassuring her that I would send up prayers for her daughter. 

It was what she said next that stopped me in my tracks for a moment.  As I said good-bye and wished her a wonderful day, she paused, smiled and then thanked me to for taking the time to listen to her. I felt horrible inside and blessed at the same time. 

Horrible for thinking that she was rambling on and wanting to leave.  Blessed because despite myself I was able to be there during a moment that she needed someone to listen. We are all here trying to make it through this crazy human experience and I almost didn't give her the grace she needed. 

Now I'm sitting here hoping the sky clears just enough for me to see some of the Lunar eclipse, Hubs has a fantastic view across the lake from his room.  I know he'll send me photo's if he can see it. I will go and pull those basil tomatoes and head up to bed shortly.  I'm worn out. 

My lessons learned today where to remember to make time for everyone.  We are all on this journey to the same destination, but following different paths and timelines.  Be that person for someone, share the kind word, listen without judgement and simply be the person you want to encounter in all of this... 

Okay, eyelids are drifting... it's time to call it a wrap... don't forget to look at the eclipse if you can see it and to listen... In a world where we can chose to be anything... please be kind. 

love and peace...

ps - all photos tonight courtesy of the Hubs.

when you calm down...

I'm not as fired up today, well maybe I am, but I am too tired to expend much energy on it.  Today my eyes are as heavy as the rain clouds out back.  Not much uninterrupted sleep and it wasn't even my thoughts keeping me awake. 

It was puppies. 

Evidently just as I feel into a deep sleep last night they decided to sing (BARK) for attention, I didn't hear them but Dad sure did.  He came down and tried to calm them, thinking they wanted to go outside or that there was deer or something outside making noise.  He never figured it out, because he left the gate to the stairs open and they rushed upstairs and climbed into bed on top of Mom.  They absolutely refused to leave and proceeded to snuggle up for the night.  

I hope it was a one night thing.  I enjoy stretching out and sleeping until I feel like waking up.  Not worrying all night that they will wake up and get into something or leave me a surprise to step in when I climb out of bed. Although it was awfully sweet to wake up to puppy paws softly reaching out and a warm ball of fur snuggled up feeling safe and cozy. They quit barking as soon as they were back with Mom. This could be the start of something I wasn't ready for.  

I wanted to wait until after their spay and neuter appointment in May, before allowing them to sleep out of their kennels.  Keeping them calm in their kennels is a whole lot easier, especially since they shouldn't climb stairs.  Oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  

I know they didn't sleep incredibly well either since they are already drifting back to sleep this morning.  I'd like to, but I am a bit behind on my chores and I want to finish the quilt today. Since Hubs has a virtual meeting this morning and I can't be down on my longarm while he's trying to hear, I figure I will use that time to clean up, mop floors (again... puppies), make their food and some treats.  By the time he's finished with his meeting, I should be finished with my chores.  Then... it's play time!

I learned yesterday that when you step away from a challenge for long enough, when you process everything that potentially caused the problems in the first place and you ask the universe for help... well it seems the planets align and magic happens.  

After I ranted and raved yesterday, I felt I needed a serious social media break, I needed to step away from society entirely and loose myself in my own thoughts.  So I headed down to my quilting space and decided I was finally going to tackle unquilting that darn quilt.  It's for special friends and it was really making me frustrated that nothing was working for me. So turned on a podcast for distraction, and to mute out the cuss words I knew were going to spew forth and started to work. I do not for the life of me understand why it was so simple, why the unquilting happened as smoothly as the original quilting had gone in, but suddenly it did. 

After probably 20 hours total of trying to get those darn stitches out, in less than three hours they were all removed.  The loose threads were tidied and it was ready to be quilted.  I have to admit I was in heaven.  The first quarter row showed me that the tension was still wrong and had to be ripped out again.  In my frustration I simply turned the knob - no idea if it was even going the right direction at that point, I just took a darn leap of faith.  Stopped and ripped out stitches and started over. To my utter amazement after trying so hard in January to get the tension right, after pulling out over 24 inches of stitches (width of quilt) my frustration had finally gotten it where it needed to be.  The stitches were perfect!

My babies hung out with me, even suckering me to letting them out back for a minute or two.  Beau wanted to go explore, at least Belle stayed close. I can't wait for the fence to be installed, it will be a total game changer. 

When I finally stopped for the night, I'd been quilting for about four hours, I am so close to being done.  I probably would have finished yesterday, but I literally stopped every foot or so of quilting to check the stitches.  If you have ever unquilted a quilt you will totally understand the fear was real. If not, thank your lucky stars. 

I am finishing that quilt today.  It isn't even up for negotiation.  I want to deliver it before the week is out.  My dear friends have been incredibly patient waiting for their Christmas present.  And I couldn't be more grateful.  Sometimes you simply have to walk away from something that has your heart and mind swirling until you can approach it calmly.  I feel the same way about "that sweater".  I simply had to put it away for a bit.  I will start working on it again when I am calm and ready to deal with the mess that it currently is. Or I will frog it and use the yarn for another project where I will love it, because I am not loving it. 

I guess that is kind of how I felt yesterday, my frustration with our world was off the charts.  I know there is nothing I can do in the current moment in time to impact any of it, so I knew that I needed to step away. I think I will be doing a lot of stepping away for a bit.  I am going to focus on things I can impact at the current moment, I don't do well with feeling helpless - I mean I am a Leo after all.  We do tend to want to be in control of things around us.  

I also feel like Mother Nature is telling me to calm down and cool my jets, it's going to be cool and rainy for at least the next week or so.  Seems March is trying to go out as a lion.  It's perfect for me to focus on my own little space.  And with the new moon coming on April 1, it is the perfect time for me to "get my house in order" before it arrives.  She's encouraging me to get all of my chores done before the camping season begins and I don't want to do any of them. A gal has to have priorities right?

It's time to get started doing life... Maybe tomorrow will include a picture of a quilt...

love and peace... 

assumptions...

Washing up the breakfast dishes, staring out the window wondering why the birds weren't swarming the feeders yet this morning I was suddenly overcome with the stomach sinking feeling that I hadn't heard a peep out of the pups in at least 10 minutes.  Just like a mom with toddlers, silence instills immense fear.  What could they possibly be up to now?  Grabbing the towel to dry my hands and walking quickly to the other room, I had to quietly swallow my laugh.  How quick I am to assume they are up to no good, when the sweet little fur balls were curled up on a single pillow snoring away, yes, Belle is a snoring pup!!

Walking back to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup and sit down to write I started thinking about assumptions.  I try not to assume, but I do believe it is a very strong human instinct.  Mom's assume their babies are into trouble, no matter the age when they become quiet or distant.  I'm sure on a very deep level it's a protective thing, it sure had me scurrying to the other room, hoping they were alright. Wondering what they had joyously destroyed.

I started wondering about the other kind of assumptions at that point.  I had a deep conversation with one of my sisters last night and as I was drifting to sleep I was processing a few things that we talked about.  Then I was watching a few video's this morning celebrating a child that people assumed would never care for himself - FYI - he's rocking it at life and even has a job now. 

A friend posted about her husband's battle with PTSD, he's young - he's seen and experienced far too much, yet with love he is thriving. He still struggles, there is a sadness in his eyes that I never saw when he was a young boy playing in the woods with my son. Even so, he's a great father, seems to be a fantastic husband and a deeply caring young man. 

Speaking with my nephew about his new job as a tutor at the local community college he was telling me about his experience with "non-traditional" students, I was deeply impressed with the empathy he displayed.  He's an incredibly smart young man, yet he understood this older woman's frustration with technology and didn't assume she was stupid. 

How often do we assume things about people without knowing more about it, about them?  What are the underlying reasons for things that don't mesh with what we view as normal? Do we meet them where they are with love and compassion in our hearts or do we meet them with judgement because they don't meet our standards?  

Sadly, I feel a first instinct is the move back from someone that is different, to step back and assess. Note I didn't say judge, although I know far too many people that do that. I tend to not lean in until I have determined if you are "safe" where I am concerned.  For that reason I have often been labeled throughout my life.  Now that I am older I don't hear it as much, for a large part because I have grown past that protective shield I once carried at all times.  Because I rarely worry about how someone I don't know will judge me, I am me.  Like it or leave it, I only need to be true to myself.  If I reach out to you in love and grace, then I expect the same in return.  If that isn't the case, there might be a time or two more that I will try, but at that point I walk away.  

I am not here to make you love, respect, like, appreciate or a million other things... me.  I am here to learn lessons, to experience this amazing planet and to live the best life I am capable of.  I am here for my soul to grow.  

Not a single soul on this planet is perfect.  Far from it.  Over the past few years I have come to embrace the theory that we are all here on planet Earth to learn.  I personally do believe that we return as many times as need be to learn all that we can, to fully experience life. I believe that the soul is eternal.  I often wonder if that snap judgement of others or situations lies deeper, in things that we personally have either experienced and learned from or in a reflection of a lesson echoing through time?  

All of us have said, done, reacted to and experienced life in many ways.  We all have moments that we are not proud of, we all have things that we truly wish we could have done better, there are things that all of us fail at.  So who are we to judge or assume anything. If I see you doing harm, I will not engage further with you.  I might not engage with you, but I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers and wish good for you, for the reason for things to change or be revealed. 

On the flip side, when I encounter someone doing good, I want to join the cause.  I want to celebrate and uplift that which is pure. And no I am absolutely not the judge of right or wrong, good or bad.  But if your actions are harmful, I will remove myself from the situation. 

I'm not sure what Hubs slipped in my coffee this morning that has me being so deeply introspective or if it was simply combination of conversations yesterday that have my brain in overdrive.  

I'm in a very calm and peaceful place.  I just have questions, thoughts and ideas that I am exploring this morning. 

My sweet pups are awake and it's a nice morning, so I think we are going to go for our walk. Let them smell the smells, and run in the remaining snow.  We will probably get a walk at the park in also, but that will highly depend on the amount of mud.  While I adore snow, and even the rain storms, I abhor mud.  That mess... yuck... 

I hope that all of us takes that moment to probe deeper when we are faced with an assumption.  To learn the real reason behind something instead of looking at the surface as it is presented to us. To not fall into that old adage about the meaning of assume... 

love and peace...

feeling cherished...

The sun is high in the sky this morning, it's bright and cheery.  I'm loving sitting here and watching it glisten on the snow.  I'm not sure it will be warm enough to melt much of the snow, but we do have a series of warm days coming up, so I'm going to enjoy the beauty while I can. 

I'm going to brag on my sweet Hubs for a moment.  Just when I start feeling like I am invisible or taking the brunt of his bad mood caused by giving up tobacco (or trying to), steroids for his shoulder (possible rotator cuff tear) and the usual life challenges of work and the chaos of our world right now, he goes and surprises me in his usual style. 

Right now he and a buddy are downstairs at my longarm installing brighter lighting for me.  I didn't think I needed it, I'm cheap and was okay with making due.  I can tell you I am over the moon excited at the prospect of clear, bright light. It's been on the to do list for a good long while.  I knew it was scheduled, but the fact that he is clearing out his Saturday morning - which could have been spent lounging in front of the television to make things easier for me, well that is pretty darn spectacular in and of itself. 

Yet, that isn't even the sweetest thing he did today.  In fact, I am fairly blown away by my valentines present.  I told him I didn't want anything, I personally love him every day and I don't need a commercial marketing bonanza to be reminded of it or to celebrate it.  Yep, I am that worn out with the commercialism. Whatever happened to sweet handmade valentines with a lollipop or chocolate taped to them??  Anyhow, Hubs is definitely a gifter, and when he asked me the other day if I minded him spending a certain amount on me, I said no problem, but I really don't need anything.  Since I no longer eat sugars our traditional gift is a definite no go.

Anyhow, Hubs also struggles with keeping secrets.  He was downstairs swearing at the computer, technology can be very frustrating, he needed a code which of course got sent to me.  I yelled it down to him and told him to let me know if he needed anything else.  About that time he realized that I would get the confirmation of the expense and I think he was worried the confirmation would give it away, because a few short moments later he asked me to come downstairs and see my gift. 

He was so worried that it wasn't romantic, it wasn't at all traditional, it wasn't even a normal gift for most people. For me, it was perfect!  The email he sent to her made it even more perfect!  Remember when I wrote that I did regret never getting around to learning to make cheese?  Well... He enrolled me in a cheese making class.  I am so damn excited I can't believe it!  And he told her that we would be taking the in-person course together when she returns from Pennsylvania later this year. Ironically, it is with the same woman that I had wanted to take classes with years ago, but never made the time.  I also never told him who it was that I wanted to take the class with.  

I can't wait! I don't believe I have ever been quiet about my love of learning to be self-sufficient, of learning the old ways and cherishing those skills.  Gotta admit, he totally out did himself with this one.  And he was pretty confident, because he told me that if I didn't love it, he would do dishes for the rest of his life.  I'd say that he was 100% sure of the outcome.  

The gift of knowledge and new skills.  This is a man that totally hears and understands me, even when it appears he doesn't.  I know that the past has left scars that sometimes get reflected back on to him. Moments when insecurity and fear sneak into the corners of my mind and my heart. It took time and research to find that class for me.  She is local, I will ultimately be able to gather around the table and make my own cheeses! And he did it because of a single rambling line in a blog, something important to me, but to no one else. 

Hubs' boss has been trying to gather us together at his house to learn to make wines also, he found us an entire kit to make the wines - they are taking up space in my store room.  I've been dragging my feet and feeling that I didn't want to.  Now... I mean, I already make my own crackers, I'll be learning to make my own cheeses... isn't the next logical step making my own wines?  Geez, next year my Christmas presents might be homemade charcuterie boards.   Yep, I am completely feeling excited, it also didn't take long for my mind to leap onto the fact that I also own a Cricut and wood burning tools... I need to completely STOP!

I cherish that my sweet Hubs understands the insanity that is me.  The deep drive to create, to learn and to experience life on such an intimate level.  I don't seem to take the easy path, I tend to thrive on the path of personal experiences. He gets it.  He understands me.  He feeds my crazy!  

Yep, I am blessed!

Time to dive into the chaos of the day... love and peace... and may you find the blessings surrounding you!

just like that...

I feel like I blinked and woke up in another time.  I completely tossed my routine out of the window this weekend.  Since Friday night life has been a busy blur.  From shopping for hours on Friday night, giving up to tornado sirens, shopping more on Saturday, then partying until the wee hours and waking up in the hotel to a beautiful view of the Arch and coming home to restart normal. It all flowed flawlessly from one place in time to the next.  Yet somehow it all feels like a blur. 

Hubs and I spent hours searching for just the right shirt or top for him to wear to the Christmas party we attended.  We both knew what we were looking for, but dang good luck finding anything classic.  We finally found him a sharp black turtle neck and some shoes to match the pants we'd found at the first shop.  Losing over fifty pounds makes it super hard to find anything in your closet.  Determined there is definitely going to be more purging of clothing come January. 

I simply wanted either a pair of low heels or a holiday sweater that wasn't going to require refinancing the house.  No luck on either count.  The shoe stores that I love have all closed up shop or switched over to a more athletic theme.  Doesn't anyone wear dressier shoes anymore?  I feel so out of touch with reality.  And sweaters, well let's just say either they were stupid expensive or borderline "hookerific" to borrow a term from my daughters younger years. 

All in all, we managed to clean up pretty nicely I believe! We had time with Hubs' coworkers and friends.  I had the opportunity to meet some new folks.  And to find out that staying off to myself so much anymore has slightly shifted my thoughts and ideals a bit. 

As we returned home yesterday and Hubs lay down for a nap, I kicked into high gear on my projects.  I needed to recenter myself, to feel normal.  I'd just spent about 18 hours socializing and engaging with people.  I honestly needed some silent time. 

People have become so intense lately.   From the man losing his mind outside of Target, because the person crossing the road wasn't moving fast enough to the oddly ironic conversations about the vax and the virus at a busy Christmas party, it felt disjointed and odd.  I felt out of place and time in both instances.

The man seemed to sum up all of the road rage, hostility and anger that is swirling around everywhere lately.  The intensity in the way he gripped the steering wheel and angry gleam in his eyes as he was screaming profanities at the person crossing the road lost in their own bubble of unawareness was surreal.  I almost imagined a director yelling cut off to the side of the scene. 

I understood his frustration, the person was wrapped up in their phone oblivious to everything around him as he crossed the road outside of any crosswalk on the dark night.  It was oddly warm and getting warmer not cooler. There was a lot of tension in the air itself, which made no sense at all until an hour or so later when the sirens started to blare. 

It's scary the way people are acting and reacting.  My imagination had them all wrapped in bubble wrap made of oblivion, dense and darkly colored.  Neither in the remotest aware of the other person and the effect their own actions and reactions were causing.  

Shortly after as the sirens started blaring people morphed again.  The fright of tornado's moving through the darkness of the night with destructive force was something you could feel in the air.  Ironically, it was a true parallel to the actions that I had witnessed just a short while before on a much grander scale. 

As the evening played out and the storm tracking stilled, the news drifting out of all the tornadoes that had danced across the region and their destructiveness became known people morphed again.  Or rather some of them did. 

People started reaching out to others, asking how they could help, offering prayers and sharing whatever they had. Shuddering in the dawning light at the destruction, at the quaint little towns laid to waste, the unknown loss of life, the waiting.  Sadly, there were still people on twitter and the like shooting off hate filled comments about politics and people deserving what happened.  I was stunned by those folks. 

My heart was lifted by the quilters all gathering together virtually, finding out that a sweet local quilt shop in the little town of Mayfield had survived the devastation that laid waste to their town with so many lives lost.  It wasn't that the shop remained, it was that the quilters from around the country had started reaching out asking if they could send quilts.  Surely those people that had lost everything needed a quilt to keep them warm. 

Quilters believe a quilt can fix any challenge in life.  And that they cared enough to reach out gave me hope. I mean honestly, I believe a quilt can fix a lot of things, but when most of these folks no longer have homes, clothing, heck even a toothbrush... many of them have lost family, their beloved pets, everything, well a quilt right now is not going to do them much good.  Although, it will remind them that someone, somewhere cared enough to help during their time of darkness and need. 

Like I said it's been a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings and emotions.  Some of the conversations at the Christmas party had me feeling a mix of disbelief and actually some downright fear at the way peoples minds work.  The total irony of the conversation and situation not even being able to mix, similar to oil and water was completely lost on those sharing their thoughts.  It was definitely odd. 

The sun rising through the Arch over the old courthouse had me missing the beauty of working downtown so long ago.  I had enjoyed the time with others, but I was definitely ready to return to my own bubble.  To reflect and sort through my thoughts. 

While Hubs took a much needed nap, those are not hours we usually keep, I dug in and got a lot of my projects done.  It felt healing after all the "people" time of the past few days.  This morning the sun has risen bright and beautiful, I have spoken to my sister and gotten the most recent update on Legend, wow, just wow!  That boy is powering through everything, and moved to the final hall before coming home this morning!  So as I enjoy the last of my current batch of firewood, my coffee and a leisurely start to the day I am feeling full of energy and ready to tackle my quiet world. 

love and peace...

coloring outside the lines...

It is definitely a lazy start to the day.  I am so thankful for the ability to enjoy these kind of moments. Sitting here watching the sun slowly peak above the horizon only slightly muted by the fluffy clouds passing by.  I have been awake for over an hour, I have spent all of it curled in my comfy chair, sipping my coffee and enjoying time simply talking with the Hubs in front of the beautiful fire that greeted me when I came downstairs.  My brain and my hands have been still, no projects happening, no planning going on.  It's perfect. 

I'm slowly waking up to the day, slowly taking inventory or what is going on in my world and deciding what I truly want to do. Yesterday, I was deeply involved in my knitting.  It was simply flowing, I couldn't believe the progress I was making and while I was knitting I was listening to a variety of podcasts, just like I do all the time.  

One of them really resonated with me.  The guest on the podcast was talking about the changes he has experienced in his life since he decided to own his own box of colors and color his life the way he wants it to be.  Basically, he was describing the power of making your own choices and your own decisions.  Not following the color-by-number that society would like all of us to follow.  By choosing the uncomfortable, the different. 

Listening to him, I felt such a strong connection to his words and thoughts.  It was like he was literally speaking my thoughts to life. I've never been great at following that color-by-number chart for life, and I believe it has often led me to feel like less than, like I simply didn't fit anywhere.  For my entire life I have been that outsider, the person on the fringe.  For a really long time it made me super insecure and truthfully I felt a bit lost.  I always felt like I was doing something wrong because I simply couldn't put the yellow in the yellow box when it didn't match my feelings. 

Over the years I have slowly become far more confident in choosing my own colors.  In picking that vibrant red instead of the muted rose.  I am okay with who I am.  I know that I don't fit societies mold, I refuse to march to the standardized drummer and try to fit in.  I am very much aware that I do not fit into group think and a herd mentality is not something I can flow with. 

I am definitely blossoming into that artist that isn't afraid to be myself. I'm not going to be mad at you if you and I don't see the world in the same color scheme.  I am going to encourage you to keep picking up the colors that fulfill your soul. I will encourage you to put aside the standard issue box of colors and find one that is far more suited to who you are.  

Are you a blue fan?  Or does your soul reach for Azure?  Plain green or is a vibrant lime or rich juniper more your speed.  Have you really thought about your personal color palette and not in terms of clothing or home decor?  Have you ever really dug deep into who you are in your very soul? I tend to gravitate to brilliant and rich colors when I think about mine.  The colors that fill me with joy and energy.  The richness of a deep velvety brown just gives me so much comfort. 

No this isn't a lesson in colors, nor is it a lesson in home decoration or defining your "season" (remember when that was all the rage?  Never did figure mine out), it is a conversation about you as a person.  I believe the color analogy spoke to me so deeply because I am a very creative person. But it could be truly about anything that makes you think.  He could have been talking about spices, fishing lures, types of wood... hmmm guess I am still on things that would resonate with me. 

For me the point was that when I was finally able to feel comfortable in not fitting in to the mold, is when I was finally able to truly start expressing myself.  When I started to feel at peace with my life.  I definitely do not believe that we were ever meant to think, feel, do or speak the same, what a boring world.  I do believe that we are meant to have grace and love for each persons individuality.  To give the differences consideration and to figure out how it will blend into our own thoughts and ideals.  And when it doesn't, when there is a solid line that it doesn't flow and blend into accept that together we make a beautiful batik without having to destroy either color.  Both ideals and thoughts can exist together, they can create a beautiful flow until someone decides that the other person is 100% wrong because they don't want to be absorbed into the darkness of same. 

There was a time that I completely bought into trying to force myself to be part of the collective.  To fit into a mold, even if it hurt.  Even if it caused me anxiety, angst and even anger.  I was determined to be what everyone else seemed to want. 

Stepping back and watching, observing, being allowed (thank you Hubs) to be my own quirky, odd, unusual self. I have discovered I can't do that.  I am unique.  All of us are.  I don't want to convert anyone into being me, I want to celebrate you for being you, I want you to do the same for me. 

When I observe things that are written, said, acted out with the intention to use peer pressure and flat our meanness to change someone it hurts my heart.  There is a lot of that going on right now.  I firmly believe the people that are pushing the hardest for group think are the ones that are still afraid to grab their own crayons and color their own lives in the way that fills them to the brink of joy.  

When you are busy coloring away, creating your own masterpiece you simply lose the desire to tell another person where their lines are and if they are staying within them.  You simply don't have the energy or time to waste on it. 

I have stepped out of that matrix.  I am coloring with my own box of colors.  Sometimes it will be messy and scribbling, in many ways I am still that child learning to control the crayon. In others it will be pristine and flowing filled with a beautiful blending of rich and vibrant oil colors because I have mastered the technique. At times I may chose to use a thick, broad sweeping black sharpie because those I lines I've learned no longer serve me and I don't chose to cross them again.  The watercolors may represent the haziness of future dreams, yet to materialize. 

I don't intend to ever own the standard crayon set again.  It doesn't mean I am walking away from loved ones and those around me that are still using that basic set.  That I don't value their choices. It simply means that I am so thankful to have found my personalized set of colors, to know that it is perfectly perfect to own and use them.  I understand that some may walk away from me because I refuse to cross back over into the basic set, that I cannot go back to group think and a standard structure.  Knowing I will always be that wonky old lady dressed all in blacks, grays or blues that wears silly, vibrant, fun shoes. Sometimes you have to look for that touch of self-expression to see us...

Let's create a beautiful tapestry together.  Let's have our colors meet, blend, collide and explode into pure perfection.  

love and peace... 

creative soul work...

Are you a creative person?  Have you experienced the natural high you get when you are deep into a project of any type, when it's all coming together.  When the mental road blocks disappear and you can just dig in? I am that person.  I have so many "hobbies" that I never truly get bored or feel at completely loose ends.  The biggest challenge I often face is what to work on.  

I am so thankful for the skills that I have acquired in this lifetime. I have had very little formal training in any of my creative outlets.  The most I've had was probably in spinning.  Andrea was the name of the wonderful woman that placed that first drop spindle in my hands and encouraged me to try it.  I was hooked instantly, it felt familiar even though I had never tried it before.  She helped me work on my tension and spin. From there I was off and running. 

I often find myself getting stuck as I work through a project in my mind, getting ready to start and complete a project.  For me it is crazy important to be able to completely visualize what I am going to do before I start. I have been in various stages of working on a double sided quilt.  My brain was stuck, it is critical that both sides are the same size in order to create this quilt and it literally had me frozen.  All the shirts were prepped, I just couldn't make myself cut into the tops until I could visualize.  I also had to be able to stand, bend and sit for a few hours at a time in a desk chair.  I was nervous. 

I don't know what connected the other day, I don't know what piece finally fell into place.  But by tonight that quilt will be ready to go on the longarm frame.  I was struggling with ideas on binding, but that popped into my brain the other night also. I am excited!  I didn't sleep well that night as my brain was in high speed, my body was loving life and I was lost in the whirr of my dear old Pfaff.  T-shirt quilts require a bit more power and strength than my sweet little featherweights.  

By the time I had laid out the second side, it was hours past my normal bedtime and my eyes were getting blurry.  Honestly, if my eyes hadn't been so tired, I have a feeling I would have made a cup of coffee and kept on going.  I love making quilts, especially t-shirt quilts, because of what they will mean to the person that I am making it for.  I am really in love with this one, although I probably say that about all of them.  

Years of being a Tetris fan has definitely paid off when making the bits go together into a balanced and beautiful finished quilt. 

baby alpaca yarn... so soft!

I am currently doing a few things at once (yes, I know that sums me up) and my little travel bag was packed beside me to take with me yesterday.  Hubs had to work down south and I was catching a ride.  While he is working, I took a nice long walk at one of my favorite places around!  I couldn't wait, I don't often get to leave the neighborhood during the day and I was ready for a bit of adventure.  It's a pretty good amount of drive time about 90 minutes.  I figured I would have most if not all of a hat made, I was right, I have 6 rows left, maybe another 20 minutes or so.  

Creating can also come in the joy of photography - not that I am very good at it - but it captures beautiful moments in time.  I managed 3 hikes during the course of the day, granted none of them were longer than a mile, I can't really handle longer than that at a time, but all together, three miles happened.  It was wonderful!

If everything goes according to plan by next week I will be making some soaps, they need four to six weeks of cure time.  Not sure if I am going to give them for the holiday's or not.  Or if I am just going to keep stocking up for myself and my "shop".  I am feeling ready to start seriously exploring this new path I am on.  

In fact I finally feel like I am healed enough to completely dive into my "work" again.  I overcame some serious mental and physical blocks as I worked on the quilt.  I was afraid.  I lay my quilts on the floor to design them, so that I can get the correct perspective and be sure that I enjoy the flow of the colors and designs.  As I am still not able to get down on the floor and kneeling may forever be a thing of the past, I had to wrap my head around new ways to approach it all. Overcoming those mental and physical obstacles was huge for me. 

Creativity for me is where I lose myself and find my soul.  I need to be creating.  But it is super important to me that what I create has a physical value, it is practical and useful.  I find the greatest joy comes from seeing someone using the things I have created for them.  

The burnt up candle, the half a bar of soap on the side of the sink.  The blankets being snuggled in, cozy socks to warm your toes, you get the idea.  

My creativity even expands to cooking.  I can get lost in the alchemy of cooking.  Adding a bit of this and a touch of that. My friend that I have been cooking for showed up at my house the other day with a fabulous collection of mason jars for me.  All different sizes.  I was stunned.  I'm not cooking for him for that reason.  Although I am so thankful for this new collection.  One can never have too many mason jars. 

I don't know what today holds, what promises are laid out before me.  I am torn, sweet Hubs says we can do whatever I want and there are tons of things going on that I wouldn't mind taking in, but the other side of my brain is feeling like I don't want to spend money, I don't feel confident and strong enough to go rock digging, I simply want to stay closer to home.  I want to finish getting the quilt on the longarm, clean up the front garden, tidy up around the house, cook some yummy meals for us and maybe go for a hike close to home. Hubs has offered to take me back to Meramec to hike, or to Cadet to go to the outdoor craft show (for the record it's 30 degrees outside and a fire seems a bit more inviting), honestly he's offered to do whatever I would like.  

I think I am going to make some cinnamon roll muffins, have a fire in the fireplace and slowly decide to join this day.  After I do that, well then who knows what adventure will wait for us... It just feels like a slow day. 

Tomorrow can be for adventures...