There was a definite chill in the air, in fact it was that way for several days. Which I was both incredibly thankful for and a tad puzzled. The first official day of summer in St. Louis, does not often call for sweatshirts. But, I will definitely take the blessing.
With the pups we're up to a two mile walk each day again. Sweet Belle has finally stopped limping a bit after a walk and is definitely full of energy as we cruise along at full speed again. Again, I am gathering all the blessings!
Yesterday morning Beau kicked me out of bed at 3 am, he was so intent to snuggle close that I ended up on the floor. Thinking I would laze around snuggled up on the other side of him and try to fall back asleep reading something incredibly boring. Grabbing my phone to find something boring to read, I was jolted awake by the alarm from my freeze dryer, it couldn't hit pressure, I needed to deal with it. Did Beau somehow know, is that why he pushed me out of bed? Doubtful, but awfully coincidental.
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| the deer from our walk |
I started to turn on some kind of news, something to let me know what is going on in the world today. I considered it. Until I didn't. I have serious doubts about the validity of anything you read, watch or hear these days. All of it seems to be guiding and deceiving one way or another, and frankly, I'm done.
By the time I dealt with the issues and warmed my fingers back up, I decided it was definitely not going to be a crawl back in bed kind of day.
The past week has been complicated and extreme, personally I needed a quiet moment or two. I need the outside world to stay outside. I need the time to dig into my list and focus.
Last Saturday things were moving along beautifully. We were heading out to help our daughter with some projects at her lake house and Hubs was coming out strictly to take her boat out of storage. Sadly, it's gonna need some work, as when someone that doesn't care "takes care" of your belongings, they rarely take care properly.
Well, the off-ramp started the chaos. The car that dipped out from behind the other car in the left hand lane and sped around caused even more chaos. I held back from pulling out, Hubs didn't see me stop (I didn't want to be t-boned) and he drove into me. Needless to say his poor truck took the brunt of that experience. Oh my car has quite a few boo-boo's, but his truck suffered the most.
Both are still 100% drive-able, just not gorgeous. Thankfully, with a garage full of tools and two people that are more than capable of working on cars, we managed to get the bumper off, parts ordered and Hubs found a sweet guy that is going to fix the part that needs welded. We're fixing the truck first, mine will be easier, the damage only impacts the looks and isn't really at a risk for anything coming off, thank goodness for duct-tape.
In the midst of crazy town, our sweet girl decided that Hubs needed a boat. I mean he loves having a boat and he's been longing to have another one forever. I am not a huge fan of boating, scares me to bits, after several not so great boating experiences. I will go out on a pontoon though. So... Hubs is now the proud owner of a pontoon boat. It's gonna keep us pretty busy with cleaning and repairs, but he is stupid excited and it gives him a great retirement hobby when she's done. Guess it's time to renew my fishing license and order the pups some life jackets. I am certain they are going to love going out on the boat.
After all of those adventures on Saturday, we'd planned to go to a car show in Kimmswick for Father's day. Mother Nature had other plans and escorted a serious day of bad weather in. I won't lie, I've needed to decompress, I am not sad. We can fix the vehicles, no one was injured and Hubs acquired a boat... I was just exhausted from the emotional toll.
I know my little car is beat up pretty good from the hail, I know it isn't new, I know it is just my pup mobile. The thing is, it's mine. I paid for it 100% myself with cash from working at a job that almost destroyed me personally. When my Beetle got totaled I was crushed. It hurt on a soul level, it had been my dream car, I had planned to have it the rest of my life. I swore I wasn't getting another car, I didn't really need one. My little Subaru has given me back a freedom that I didn't realize I needed. It made me realize that the Beetle had been nothing more than a material item and losing it had been a God wink that I hadn't realized I needed at the time.
I know Hubs' big red truck is an eye catcher, it fits him perfectly. It's an attention getter, it's noticed. Just like Hubs. For a few moments I was angry. Everyone was so concerned about his truck and him. I am fairly certain the next person to just ignore the fact that me and my little car had been the "victims" while hoping he and his were going to be okay in my presence are going to get cursed out in a very vile way.
Honestly, I was so annoyed and maybe even a bit angry. Not at Hubs, not at the damage, not at anything tangible. I was angry at feeling invisible. I had simply put some duct-tape on the remaining fiberglass bits to keep them from falling off and exposing more of the mechanical bits to the elements, pushed the bumper back in the best I could to keep it from flapping about and moved on.
My frustration definitely was bubbling up on Monday as I worked along side him to remove the front bumper, as I dealt with being the target of his frustration and anger at the situation. The parts that didn't want to come loose, the nuts and bolts that had fallen and needed found. The sheer frustration of knowing that he had work to do at work and here we were working on removing the bumper so no further damaged happened while we worked on solving it. Both of us were frustrated by the fact that age takes away some of your strength and agility and things we could easily do 20 years ago, were not as easy.
Getting up on concrete with a fake knee is not fun. And I'm sure his hip was reminding him of it's presence as well.
Both of us were dealing with the emotions that often get tied to tangible things and even more so with the realization that we are not as young as we once were.
I joked with my friend that I was going to need bail money before the day was out. I was definitely frazzled. My heart filled with joy at her reply, I've got your bail money. She had my back without question. Those are priceless friendships. I am blessed by a few of them. It's all you need in this crazy world. That and lots of laughter!
Hubs got to listen to my venting about being invisible as we drove to the bank to take money out for parts. He was patient, I don't know if he understood my twisted feelings or not. The fact that he listened mattered. My dear Sis asked about me and my car, that mattered more than I can put into words. It was like the pressure valve on my feelings. I was seen, I was noticed. I calmed.
We've moved forward. We got the boat semi cleaned up and into safe storage yesterday. We purchased the supports for the front bumper of the truck and an appointment has been made for the required welding. I ordered his new bumper yesterday, it won't arrive until the 6th, his beautiful truck will be beautiful again soon, it will look different, but in a cool way. My parts have been sourced and will be ordered after all the repairs to the truck happen, it's incredible how much more damage his big truck sustained, I seriously question the toughness of a truck at this point. As soon as that is finished we will start working on Hubs' boat. There is a forward plan. I feel calm again.
During the midst of the frustration I resorted to nothingness. I HATE just vegging out. I don't have patience for it and when I resort to it, I get very angry with myself. That is the bubble I have bounced in and out of for a week now. I push myself to do stuff, then I freeze in that funky spot of aggravation.
Slowly, I am coming out of it. I'm sure Hubs is feeling the overflow of emotions and feelings I have been working through. Just like always he and I will navigate the crazy and come out on the other side just fine. It's amazing what love and lots of laughs can help you through. Literally nothing in this world is all that serious! This morning I ordered literal band-aid's for my sweet Subaru while she waits for her repairs, because why not laugh through it? Sort of reminds me of the beaver we bought when the tree suddenly died and we were waiting for the stump removal. Sometimes, you just gotta laugh!
Well, the heat is busting through outside and I need to make sure all my self-watering containers are full... like I said... keeping busy does help the crazy.
much love,
b
As Always, good one! 381+ 😊😍😘
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