I chose to fly! Today I set my intention to start the next phase of my life. As I watched the squirrel eating out of the squirrel-proof feeder (yeah, right) I realized why his accomplishment meant to much to me. That is a huge fall if he makes a mistake. It's a long, long way down, with no trees to jump over to. I want to celebrate his accomplishment. I want to celebrate me overcoming my own fears.
Today it all begins. Officially!
I woke up early, no alarm needed to rouse me from my sleep. My own internal clock is back to functioning perfectly fine. I showered and got ready to face the day.
The garage sale shenanigans are over. Thank goodness. It was a long day, a long week. I still do not like garage sales. I actually loathe them. I personally do not even like to shop at them. They are not my thing. I spent time enjoying my grand daughter and talking to a few people (as few as possible), unfortunately Hubs wasn't feeling great, so I ended up dealing with most of the folks. I folded stuff, set things up, spent way too many hours on my feet.
It was such a feeling of freedom to load all the remaining items into the back of the pick up truck and haul them to the resale shop. To walk through an empty garage, to start cleaning up the inside of my house after a week. It was incredible. Clutter definitely messes with the mind, it makes you feel overwhelmed and out of control.
There is still a lot that needs unpacked and cleaned out. I need a break from it.
Today is the beginning of something different. Today is the beginning of belief.
I've always placed my belief in others. I've always let them direct my path. Lead my way.
The only obstacle in my path has always been me and my self-limiting beliefs. Fear. As someone that is willing to do anything asked, it has always been a struggle for me to put that same amount of faith and direction into the things I want for myself.
A few weeks ago when the class popped up, I was uncertain. I knew it would help me move forward. I wanted to take the chance, but again there was that fear.
Today, I start the next steps. Today, I start putting faith in me and my dreams.
I am nervous. I am excited. I am a million things, but unsure isn't one of them. I have spent far too much of my life being unsure. I'm finally ready. I'm finally at the point that I am ready to fight for my own dreams. And today, I start.
On Tuesday, I took my sweet ole Pfaff in for a tune up, I knew I needed to take that step first. I needed to believe enough in myself to invest a few dollars on the tools I would need to start sewing, seriously. Not simply a hobby. But a way to move my life into the realm that I need it to be. That machine cost me an entire paycheck back in 2002, but I was determined to have it. Here it is 19 years later and it's had two tune ups and serves me so well. I expected it to take the full two weeks to get it back, I was anxiously prepared to wait, as I said. So you better believe I was over the moon surprised and happy when they called on Friday to let me know she was ready and that they'd even noticed the broken needle threader and replaced it. The repair total was less than the cost of a cheap machine. So worth it!
I am always afraid to spend the money needed to do the things I want to do, I settle. I reason with myself that I can do what I want and need to do with something a little less expensive. I then spend an stupid amount of time frustrated and angry, because I am trying to make something work in a way that it wasn't created for. Sure it can be done, but it is going to take ten times as long and it will cause me a great deal of angst getting there. I feel it is time to invest in the things I need.... so much more to come on that topic!
I am a creative person. I am happiest when I am surrounded by creative activities. When my fingers are moving... fiber, wood, paint, soil, typing to name a few. I need to create. I wasn't put here to do mindless activities, I am here to create, not everything will turn out the way I envision it, some of it will even be a disastrous mess. That's how life is too. You only grow and expand by learning and trying.
I have been trying to write this for almost 2 hours. I've allowed everything to distract me. When Hubs called me to the garage.... truthfully, I started to get frustrated, it felt like too much. I could feel my own frustration causing tears to form in my eyes, all for stupid things.
I pulled two cards this morning, all tied up and patience. In an instant I felt I understood the reason for them. I was frustrated... until I walked into the garage to be met by Hubs holding the sweetest little box turtle. I quickly grabbed her a strawberry, seems she had wandered into our garage. We sat her down in our garden to give her the strawberry when our neighbor suggested that she looked like the one nesting a couple doors down. Turtle and strawberry were quickly relocated and my thoughts were cleared.
Again I was creating my own struggles, my own beast to overcome. Funny how a little turtle out looking for a snack can reset a person's day!
It's definitely time to take the next steps, it's time to move forward! I think my ego self was seriously trying to undermine the energy and determination I woke up feeling!
Thanks Hubs... I appreciate the fact that without knowing it, you can reset me. Love you!
Luv U 2...Now and forever! 381+!
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