Tuesday, July 19, 2022

wearing me down...

It is eerily quiet outside this morning, to the point that I simply came inside with the pups.  I didn't sleep well last night, I'm not sure why, I was definitely exhausted. Just a sense of angst and foreboding.  struggled to fall asleep and I've now been awake for about an hour and a half.   I guess it is going to be a long day. 

Yesterday there were moments of insect buzzes that filled the air to the point of being heard inside.  This morning it is dead silence.  It's strange.  I sat out there for about thirty minutes, it's super dark and super silent.  No sounds from the roads or even the normal train.  No birds (it's too early), but none of the nocturnal insects or critters either.  I guess the world is also in a strange moment.  

I don't like to simply lie in bed when I wake up and can't sleep, to me it just causes more anxiety, I figure I woke up early for a reason.  Or all of it could simply be that I didn't get everything finished that I was hoping to yesterday.  

There wasn't much time for rest or playing with puppies yesterday, trust me Beau let me know I was falling down on my puppy pillow duties and he wasn't happy.  He definitely feels he needs at least 18 hours a day of mommy time.  My sweet 60 pound lapdog. He had to resort to sitting with Daddy yesterday and he let me know it was not acceptable. 

I think all of the chaos in the world is starting to wear at my heart.  There is just so much going on and most of it doesn't feel good.  It's almost like the feelings caused by 9/11, I long to pull my babies close and hold on tight.  Knowing full well they are grown adults that have their own families to protect.  

Every time I blink, there is simply more evil in this world.  I strongly feel that each of us made a choice to be here at this time, there is a reason.  I just find myself questioning it all. 

A couple of days ago several folks started sharing information about a pet medicine that was causing dogs to start having massive seizures and dying.  One of the brands is the one we were convinced by the vet to use for the babies.  The last time I gave it to them, I noticed that they shouldn't have had it prior to 6 months old.  The vet started giving it to them when they were only 12 weeks old. This morning, I see another article, this one saying the FDA knows about it, yet still approved it. 


I can tell you my puppies will never get it again.  Truthfully, I will gladly throw away the almost $300 of medications. My boys did not receive any shots or medications once they came to me, they lived very long and healthy lives.  My gut is telling me to really question everything.  I am ordering some essential oil based treatments to protect my babies.  I am not using anything else. 

I am struggling with so much of the insanity going on now.  I am tired of the stories we are being told.  I am tired of feeling like the world is against most of it's occupants.  It's okay to get oil from other countries at stupid prices, but it isn't okay to drill for oil here in our country.  The weather is damaging crops globally, although it feels far too convenient and planned. I read devastating news for Germany yesterday, and the fact that due to games being played by governments the people may suffer even more this winter with a lack of heating oil.  

I don't understand this lack based mentality that is being put out non-stop in the world.  Why are we not coming at things from a solution based mentality?  Why does it feel that everywhere I turn people are giving up and accepting things that they know aren't right, because it is the easier path?

As you can tell, the sense of unease is strong today.  I am going to stop writing and get busy doing the things.

love and peace...



1 comment:

my brother's keeper...

I've been sitting here in the silence for a few hours now.  Did my usual daily stuff and then decided to simply drink my water and play ...