I know I have written my thoughts down about the fact that we no longer really have front porches, that we don't get to know our neighbors or even the neighborhood grocer, etc. But lately it is becoming far more noticeable to me that the break down to our society in general is becoming even more fractured.
Here's what I mean. I am not someone that randomly strikes a conversation. I will offer to help if it is noticeable that you need assistance, but to just speak, nah... that's not me. It isn't something new, I have been this way my entire life. I offer smiles like they are free for the taking, but I am not usually going to speak.
Those few folks that became close friends when I was a kid and young adult, probably never even realized the struggle it was for me to open up enough to be friends. Probably why I cherish all of my friendships so much, even ones from so long ago, the price paid was huge, they are and were worth the investment. Besides, that is Hubs strength, he has never in his life met a stranger. Although I am even starting to sense a hesitancy in him lately. A preference to text as opposed to calling someone, a less open way in communicating.
I was at the grocery the other day, I'd found a great recipe for a grain-free, nut-free bread that I was dying to try and realized I'd used all my flax meal making puppy treats. As I wandered around I was just observing the state of the store, the things they were out of, and of course people watching. The atmosphere wasn't intense and anxious so I just took a moment to stroll.
As I was walking to my car when leaving, I see a woman loading her car, she looked anxious and intense. I get it, I don't often like to be alone these days either and I live in what would be classified as a "safe" neighborhood. I walked past with my single bag, enjoying the sunshine and I smiled at her. I noticed that she slightly smiled back, but it didn't reach her eyes. I also noticed that she had a box of mason jars on the bottom of her cart, I started to just walk on, but something encouraged me to turn around and speak.
I'd seen the jars in the store also, but I didn't buy any. They are priced obscenely high now, almost double other stores, something inside told me to tell her where I'd found them so much cheaper. As I turned and said excuse me, the fear in her eyes was something you could feel. I am not a threat to anyone, I'm a short, mostly out of shape, older lady (ouch that hurts) with a replaced knee - a toddler can out run me. I wasn't even wearing clothing that could have concealed a weapon. But she looked afraid, instantly.
When I mentioned the fact that I'd noticed her mason jars, the fear turned almost open hostility, with a sharp yes. It wasn't until I said, I'd noticed them in the store too, but wanted to share with her that I'd found an abundance of them at the local hardware store significantly cheaper that she just as quickly became friendly, excited and open. Her smile became genuine, she was grateful to know that and said she would head over there to look. She thanked me profusely for telling her about it and we parted ways.
Here's the thing, what caused that fear? I live in a very diverse neighborhood, racially, ethnically, financially, gender, religious... you name it we probably have it covered. I think it is one of the reasons I love where I live, it feels so much more like the diverse military communities that I grew up in, I personally feel safe and calm here.
I thought about it fairly intensely the rest of the day. Reflecting on my own trip to the grocery a few days before, I realize that she probably had several hundred dollars worth of groceries in her cart, was she afraid I would attempt to take them? Was she personally reflecting on the extreme expense she'd just paid for that cart of groceries and pondering how she'd pay the rest of her bills for the month? I feel you sister, I'd suffered the same shock myself.
Is all of this just our own reflection of how we feel about things surrounding us? Are we assigning our own fears and comfort levels to others? I'm not sure. It lingered with me for most of yesterday, which might be why I felt a bit hyper aware of things I observed, yet it hit me again yesterday as I saw not one but two alerts to be aware of strangers at a local park.
I'm not saying the person had a need to be fearful or not. They might have been quite accurate in their assessment of the situation, or they might have been extreme. I wasn't there, I have no way of knowing. Evidently their 15 year old daughter was running up and down a steep hill while training for something, an older man said hello and asked why she was running up and down the hill in that kind of heat. That is the way the father of the girl shared the story. Nothing seemed extreme about the conversation, nothing set off red flags or said to react in a protect manner from the dad's story. Yet, 90% maybe more of the folks responded with call the police, he could be a pedophile, how could you let her run in the park alone, did she have mace or a weapon with her, you get the gist of the conversation.
The dad said he confronted the man about speaking to his daughter and he got mad and didn't like be accused. That made everyone more vigilante, of course he must be guilty if he got angry. Maybe he got mad because of how he was approached and the way the conversation went?
Again, I don't know. But more and more the only response I see to anyone speaking about anything unusual or strangers in the neighborhood is "call the police". Maybe I'm too trusting, even if I don't speak to other's often. Maybe I'm the foolish one, maybe it is years of working in a downtown community across the street from one of the largest homeless shelters around, but I think we are breaking as a society. And once that happens what in the world do we become?
Humans are by nature "pack animals", very rarely do they successfully live with interaction with other humans. If we become so afraid of one another, then what?
I don't have answers, I'd love to say I have a magic ball that allows me to see where we are heading at such a break neck speed. But I don't.
In the midst of all these thoughts I also remembered a conversation with my girl the other night. We were at her house reminiscing about when she moved into the neighborhood, she and her realtor told outrageous tales to everyone that asked her about her life. Each one got a different story, they had a blast! Then slowly she got to know them and told them about the prank they'd played. She had her reasons for wanting and needing privacy right then, but when the time was right she'd shared her truth. She has made amazing friendships in our neighborhood, she talks with everyone and is the life of the party. This same child would sit under tables in grade school to avoid being noticed.
I felt a touch guilty as she shared with me the close relationships she has with all of her neighbors. I haven't put energy and effort into doing that myself. I enjoy my peaceful time. But maybe, just maybe it's time to stop being quite so secluded. I know I have observed this many times before, I also know that I usually resort back to my little safe cocoon. Who knows, maybe it is like when you buy a new kind of car and all the sudden they are literally everywhere. Maybe the need to connect to people is becoming so great that it is showing up everywhere?
I don't have any answers to all of this, I don't have solutions or even ideas of how to more the pendulum the other direction. I just feel deep in my soul that we are at a point where we have to do it, all of us. If the shoe had been on the other foot at the grocery store how would I have responded? If I encountered someone I didn't know at the park would it have been in fear? I don't know, I don't have answers. Only questions.
I think it's time to work on changing directions though....
love and peace...
Good one. 381+
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