just stopping by...

I've been away.  Mostly not physically away, but definitely mentally.  I have needed a break.  In fact I might still need a break, I'm not sure.  But my sweet Hubs asked me yesterday if I was ever going to blog again.  I have been blogging, what I haven't been doing is posting them.  I found myself in a place of needing to feel the silence.  I think I am still there. 

I feel like God is telling me to be still.  To simply be on the sidelines and be still.  So I have been.  At least where people and blogging is concerned.  I've made my own circle very small, there are few people I speak with or engage with right now.  I spend most of my time alone or with Hubs and my pups and I'm finding peace in that. The silence has been healing.  

There is so much going on in our world right now that is not okay.  There is so much that is just radiating lies and deceit.  I seriously started to ponder moving to a very remote spot, now is not the time for that.  Might it happen down the road... maybe.  My spirit would love it, but now is simply not the time. 

While I've been being still, I've actually been very, very busy.  I've been learning things.  I've been doing things.  I've traveled, I've explored, I've created and I've experienced things.  It's been heavenly.  

I've been super busy with my small circle, spending time with family when we can and close friends.  But mostly just disconnected.  I can't deal with some of what is going on in the world, I don't have words to pretend that some of it is okay, I don't want to pretend that it's okay.  

his happy place

exploring the shore, looking for dead fish

such a good little camper

lounging around watching the fire

Hubs took a week of vacation, although most of it ended up being recovering from the yucky cold we both managed to catch.  During that peaceful time we rested, we sat by fires, we went on a far too short camping trip to spend time with Sis, we watched the meteor shower from the banks of the Ohio river, and we regrouped. 

He fished a bit, I knit a lot, we explored new areas and found a fantastic Amish quilt shop that I feel strongly about returning to.  We bought farm fresh produce and spent even more time sitting by the fire in the middle of the night. It was absolutely pure heaven. 

worn out from adventuring

Beau sitting on Mom's lap - yep he still thinks he's tiny

I don't feel like I am becoming a hermit, I deeply enjoyed being out and about with my pups in Paducah. It's amazing the number of people you meet when you have two adorable pups that are fairly well behaved (I mean they are only 9 months old and have their moments of excitement).  We met some wonderful folks from Chicago (currently) but originally from Poland.  We had a great time talking about the past and present and their experiences in this country.  They are old enough to remember when Poland was a communist country, their perspective was absolutely fascinating. 

I've been busy working on my cantry, falling more in love with producing our own food every time.  My friends had picked up some produce for me at the Amish market while I was out of town, which meant lots of fun waiting for me when I got home.  I also brought some produce home.  If you've never canned your own food, you cannot appreciate the flavors that you are missing. 

Monday was definitely productive

Last night while I was engrossed in my current project Hubs went to the cantry and selected the dinner items that he was going to prepare. In about 15 minutes he called down the stairs for me to come up and eat, the only thing missing was our grain free bread (I'd been busy and hadn't made a loaf).  It was warm, nourishing and delicious.  Why did I never make the time for this when I worked?  Oh yeah, I didn't have a life back then. 

I'm currently working on a sweater, that was my travel project, it's hard to believe but it is actually for me.  I didn't get it finished, I didn't figure I would, but it is coming along nicely.  Being in this space and time is really magnifying my joy in slow work.  For years, everything was squeeze it in, rush through it kind of things.  Now I can take my time, I can create what I want, when I want. And my focus is more on us.  I am already planning to work on several more projects that I have never had the time or energy to work on in the past.  I have the yarn, fabric, supplies, etc... This slower pace is allowing me to savor the task, to treasure the moments that goes into the creation and finished product. 

I can't wait for the cooler weather when I will pull on my newest pair of socks to warm my feet and my newest sweater to keep me warm.  It fills me with accomplishment to know that I am the one that has created it.  From what I am seeing in the stores around me, I may be very thankful for these skills in the not so distant future.  That and my obsessive collecting of supplies over they years "for the some day when I have time" moments. 

Yesterday I spent the entire day quilting a quilt top that I have owned for about 20 or so years.  I bought it a long time ago, not because it was beautiful, it's more or less ordinary.  Made from someone's scrap basket somewhere in the 1980's no doubt based on the fabrics.  I bought it because I knew that someone had put a lot of time and effort into it and it needed to be finished.  I finally decided yesterday was the day.  It is almost king sized, possibly is, I haven't put it on the king sized bed yet, but it took the majority of a 108"x108" batting and backing.  I chose a simply meander for the quilting, I realized after years of day dreaming how I was going to complete it that the piecing was rough and much of it was questionable as to how it would lay.  

I definitely didn't think I would be able to quilt it in a day, but the quilting fairies were kind and the new thread I bought at the Amish shop is fantastic in my longarm and after about six hours of work, the entire quilt is quilted and today I will finish it's binding.  After so many decades it will finally be finished and ready to grace a bed, to provide warmth and comfort, to be cherished for what it is.  I can't wait to finish it. 

I'd planned to be in my sewing room first thing today, but life and puppies had other plans.  Our sprinkler system is malfunctioning and basically flooded our yard, the soil is rich and almost pure black.  I know this because well... puppies... I've spent the morning cleaning up the muddy footprints.  I'm not done.  I still have furniture to clean and carpets to try to salvage.  I've decided it comes up best when completely dry and vacuumed, so that is what we are waiting on now. 

Belle cuddling?  Be still my heart!

Dad's movie buddy - unbelievable

I'm a touch behind on basically everything, I was allowing it to stress me out.  Instead I simply stopped.  I narrowed my focus and became okay.  The only person setting those deadlines was me.  I was creating the storm of anxiety that I was experiencing. 

Hubs isn't going to notice if I don't get every chore that I have assigned to my personal to do list done, he has no idea what is on it.  He is going to notice if I don't fix meals, the pups notice that also, or if he doesn't have clean clothing.  But the rest of it is completely self imposed.  I've needed time to step back from that mindset and to process things in general. 

I'm not sure if I will be blogging much for the time being.  I'm still far too content in my own bubble, I have lots of things I want to say, but I feel strangely drawn towards silence.  I think I am content being on the sidelines of life right now.  Living, doing and being my own person disconnected from the chaos that is swirling all around.  

It's time to return to my bubble, there are things waiting for my attention that I long to do.  I am holding space and praying for all of us at this time, I just don't want to participate in any of it... 

love and peace...