Thursday, August 25, 2022

faith or fear?

I've been crazy busy since about five this morning.  The sun hadn't even considered cresting the horizon as I started my first canner full of soups.  I am trying to use as much of the local abundance as I can before we shift into a feeling of local lack.  This mornings batch for those cold winter evenings was a chicken, bean and rum stew.  I just started a second batch that is bean and sausage. 

When I started canning, I will be honest, it was out of fear.  Listening to news, shopping at my local stores I realized that prices were soaring, there was not an abundance in the stores, and due to weather conditions I had fears about the coming harvest seasons.  Not to mention the supply chain issues that seemed to be growing by the moment.  

This morning, I should be starting the next batch of soup to put up for the fall and winter months.  I'm not, because I felt an overwhelming need to write. I'm sitting in the garden by the fire that Hubs built for me this morning.  It's still pleasantly cool as the final embers burn off. There are enough hours to do everything I want to do, while still pausing.  

While I've been quiet, I've been doing a lot of thinking.  A lot of processing things.  Like I said, I am still concerned, I still have moments of angst and going to a grocery store sends me into almost tears.  They are bare in many areas, sizes of items are getting smaller while the prices are increasing.  People are not at the panic stages that they were at the beginning of the plandemic, but they are getting more anxious, less friendly and you can see the shock on almost everyone's faces.  They are resigned to what is happening.  

I have done a ton of researching, learning, understanding what is slowly happening.  It's not going to be a popular theory, but I feel we have been being conditioned for this moment from at least the 70's, I almost feel like since the early 1900's.  Slowly, like a pot coming to boil we have been subjected to raising prices, lower salaries, a sense of lack.  We have been bombarded with ads, shows, media, news and magazines, by society in general to always be chasing more. 

I mean look at the way people stand in line when the newest version of technology is introduced. Look at the massive amount of debt most people will assume to have the newest, biggest, and best of everything. Look at the smallest things as see how they have been twisted into a money making item. 


I know I'm up there in the years, but I am not by any means old or elderly.  Yet I can remember a much simpler time.  I remember a time before computers - the only people having them were government agencies and huge corporations.  I remember a time of kids happily playing outside with their friends for hours on end.  I remember so many things that it would take an entire blog to simply list them.  Kids don't play for endless hours outside much any longer.  The sound of laughter doesn't fill the neighborhood, probably because the electronics are watching them inside while the parents slave away, giving up the most precious thing in the world in exchange for all those things we are conditioned to believe we need. 

When I left working full time outside of our home, I was anxious.  I was concerned that our quality of life would suffer. We had become very used to the luxuries a two professional income provided.  Would we still have the lifestyle we were used to?  Would we survive?

I hadn't woken up yet, I was still lingering in that false bubble.  I was anxious and filled with fear and worry.  I doubted the reality before me. The picture wouldn't come into focus.  

So almost 18 months later, after much deprogramming, adjusting the lens I was viewing life through, I realized that we are not only doing okay.  We are thriving.  I mean truly thriving.  Do we always do the things that we immediately feel drawn to do?  No. Because we both look at life differently, we are more cautious of how we spend our dollars, we can see how we wasted so much.   We didn't need the things we thought we needed, we wanted them.  

When we started walking in faith, we realized that we had massive abundance.  We aren't living in lack at all.  Are we living in financial abundance now?  No.  But I would guess we are probably in the same bubble as the majority of the planet right now.  Our utilities are soaring, the costs for most anything in the stores is unreal, and while gas is currently going down for over two years it has been higher than what we'd come to enjoy when we purchased Hubs' truck. Everything costs more than it did, and I am fairly sure that if the individual running our country continues on the path he seems bent on, it will cost more and more. 

I'm choosing to not walk in fear.  I've felt a strong shift this month, a stronger pull towards spending time in silence, praying and just listening to the silence.  I have felt the magic of fear leaving, the pull towards simply walking in faith. 

I know I've spoken about how broken and fearful I was when I was divorced.  I felt lost and like everything that defined me was gone.  During those dark days I spent a lot of time lost in prayer.  I have a horrible memory, I don't hold on to the past, I don't day dream about the future.  I am definitely that live for the moment and day I am in person.  It's a blessing and a curse.  Yet I remember as clear as if it were yesterday bowing my head and simply telling God that I was not strong enough, that I needed him to take complete and utter control of my life, that I would follow wherever he lead me. 

A short while later, Hubs came into my life and even though there have been challenges, losses and grief.  He has been the most amazing life partner.  I cherish our life together.  I have always believed that God put us together, we are meant to walk this path together. 

I've been turning a lot over to God once again.  I've spent more time in prayerful silence and listening to his word.  The amazing thing about God is that most people in most religions know he is there, they know he is still the God of old.  He loves his children, and he will lead us through the darkness that seems to be everywhere. 

There is still going to be hard times, God isn't going to simply let us sit on our bottoms and not participate.  But I firmly believe if you are willing to be part of the solution, we are going to come out on the other side of this darkness whole and walking in pure abundance and gratitude. 

We have always had far more than we have ever needed.  Humanity has just allowed itself to be turned away from that abundance.  We've been programmed to always be reaching for more and more.  Wait isn't greed one of the seven deadly sins?

As I sit here in my bountiful garden, on this beautiful morning, I feel completely blessed and loved. When I stepped out of that imaginary world that we are forced into, I never dreamed that I would know the amount of joy, love, fulfillment and happiness that I have now.  Kind of like how I felt two decades ago, I know this is God's blessing. 

I will continue to honor that blessing.  I will continue to pass those blessing forward to others.  I will keep following the voice in my heart.  I have faith that despite what we see unfolding all around us, we are standing at the precipice of the greatest blessings that we have ever known.  Greater than our wildest dreams could even begin to conjure up. 


Well, while I believe our God is capable of all things, I also firmly believe that he wants us to step up and be part of that change, part of the solution.  So... my kitchen is calling.  I have so much bounty that I want to finish preparing.  I have a future of abundance to prepare for. 

love and prayers to each of you... 


1 comment:

my brother's keeper...

I've been sitting here in the silence for a few hours now.  Did my usual daily stuff and then decided to simply drink my water and play ...