My world used to be very black and white so to speak. Wake up, work, come home - fix meals, do chores, go to bed, start all over again the next day. Weekends were very similar, wake up, do remaining chores or just rest up for Monday, go to bed start all over again. I would squeeze in things around that, but most of the time, it was a crazy hectic squeeze and things simply got left out.
I have been crazy busy lately. But all of it has been soul filling. It has made me feel like a human. I have had the blessing of time spent with family doing stuff I only dreamed about and felt jealous of the others for doing, chatting with friends, creating, and spending deep quality time with my sweet Hubs.
I now realize that I have wasted so many years just skimming the surface, I used to get angry at family members and friends that pointed out the vast number of hours I committed to my career. The comment of "you work too much", used to send me spiraling into a pit of anger and frustration. I knew I worked too much, but at the same time, how do you not?
There are bills to pay, things you want/need? A certain type of lifestyle that we enjoyed and it felt like it wasn't optional.
The past few weeks, I have been living the life I envied. Footloose and fancy free. When my sister decided to come north with her grands, I was able to run away and enjoy the time with them, even stealing one of my own grands for the adventure. These are things that never would have happened in the past. I would have been glimpsing them through Facebook posts while on breaks, feeling left out, lonely and to use my daughters favorite phrase "in my feelings". Saturday morning found three of us gathering for a quick breakfast before wishing the one sister a safe journey home. And somewhere in the middle of the day Saturday, Hubs and I decided we were heading off to our favorite float location and taking our annual birthday/anniversary float trip.
My advice, and we all know what they say about advice, but anyhow... Spend a bit more time deep diving into life!
As we floated down the river talking, dreaming, laughing, planning, and experiencing being together it was incredible how much we found to cherish. Normally he has music on before we clear the launch, for some reason yesterday we savored the sounds of nature. We had a few times that ended up being a bit rocky, the river was higher than it normally is at the end of July. We spent far less time carrying our raft and far more time dodging successfully and unsuccessfully the trees that are normally higher over the water. Sweet Hubs is a bit bruised today, he took a few beatings maneuvering our raft off of branches and limbs. My arms are sore, I am not used to fighting that much current.
To me the trip felt so much like our journey together. Today marks 18 years of marriage a point neither of us have achieved in the past. It is a beautiful first! And to be living our life in such a deep and profound way... well it couldn't be better. It was calm, peaceful, turbulent, had a few scares, there were areas of very deep water and a few spots where we hit rocks. The perfection of the day came in the fact that together we both made the journey. Together we are far stronger and more powerful than either of us individually. We are a perfect team.
Neither of us has to lead all the time, neither of us wants to follow exclusively, yet both of us willingly take whatever role is needed to keep us moving forward. We have always leaned into one another's strength and we made a rock solid commitment to one another sitting on those horses overlooking the valley all those years ago.
That is simply what you do when you find your soul mate.
Our children are all grown, and yes they pop in and out of our lives now, but they have their own lives, families and friends. They were raised to do exactly what they are doing. Living their best lives. When we are all together or together in small groups it is filled with love and laughter. And we cherish it.
But the time that is just us... well... that is magical. We are very blessed.
I am thankful that I realized what a full life felt like before I'd wasted my "dash". To fill my life bucket with love, laughter, experiences and joy is far more important than to fill it with money. Oh money is nice, it buys "things", but it can't buy the rest.
Today will be busy, in fact the next week will be busy. I have so much to accomplish before the 3rd. So much to mentally prepare for. And while I am rushing around completing my pre-surgery checklist, I plan to keep my heart and feet grounded in continuing to live a full life. I don't know that I can ever go back to skimming life experiences. I need the deep dive.
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