calming the angst...

Yesterday was a busy one.  After I got over the shock of my big spider friend, I can honestly say I did not go down to the lower patio to see if he'd returned.  That was the stuff nightmares are made of. Thankfully, I didn't have any.  Still not a fan of big crawly things.

I spent my day working on my canning skills.  It is such a rewarding experience. I have to plan the stuff I want to finish up before we go camping, I have to make our crackers that we enjoy with our soups before we leave.  It is almost a ritual for us that those go camping. 

But I also spent the day enjoying some friends , my sister and chatting with the girls.  My one friend called to let me know she'd finished smoking the meat I'd sent home to her.  She is new to it, but is making some incredible things!  I wish they lived next door! I can hardly wait to see how awesome she is doing in just 6 months, because I find it hard to believe she could get better.  I just took the smoked onions she sent me out of the dehydrator, they are going to become onion powder.  The smell is heavenly!  The last batch is almost gone it was so amazing. It was awesome to chat about things and life for a few moments.  I enjoy quality time with the people in my tribe. 

I was busy planning with the girls and laughing with my daughter. She is not someone you want to push too far, because that girl will take it for a hot moment, but that is all she's going to take it.  Once you've gone too far, heaven help you.  She's definitely been pushed too far and her reaction is quite powerful.  It's enjoyable to witness karma in action.  Whew!

My sister called on her way home from work, we were laughing about her grandson's.  The youngest is finally out of the hospital and is thriving, he's sitting up in in little seats and playing with all the toys.  If you didn't know that he'd had such a challenging start to life, you would never realize it.  Her grandson's are all little characters in their own right, each one of the 5 has a warmth and uniqueness about them. All of them will crack you up.  I am so happy for them that things are going so well. 

The final friend came for dinner.  His wife is out of town, so she couldn't join us.  We both adore his friendship, we are blessed that he is part of our tribe.  During the course of dinner he asked if I would consider doing some quilting for another friend of his.  A quick phone call later and I picked up two commissioned quilting projects for next week.  It's amazing the way things work out. Invited him to visit for friendship and fellowship and got a paid job out of it all.  

puppy butts... getting ready to snuggle up for bed

My days seem to be getting longer, some of that is that I truly tend to sleep following the daylight hours, but they also feel richer.  

We are enjoying being surrounded by family and friends that bring a depth to our lives.  Laughter and meaningful conversations are what life needs to include.  For awhile it felt like our life was lacking in those things as we checked off boxes and did the things. The depth was lacking.

Today is one of those days where I am feeling a bit anxious.  There is a lot going on in the world and I try very hard to navigate it by flowing along.  Floating on the surface, living my life, but being very aware of what is swirling under the surface.  

I don't want to feel anxious, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that all things are happening as they are meant to and the end result will be as it is meant to be. So instead of sticking my toe into the undercurrent, I am going to keep myself very, very busy.  I have quite a bit to accomplish before we leave and only 3 days to do it in.  This upcoming trip was rather hastily planned. 

How do you deal with anxiety? Do you delve deeper into it?  Or do you acknowledge it is there and move above it?  I sometimes feel that I am a bit of a rose colored glasses kind of person, but hey life is meant for living.  I can't find the owners manual. 

Time to get busy.  It's going to be a busy, action filled day.  They are the best, the are the ones that create amazing sleep at night when you put your head on the pillow, exhausted but accomplished. 

Take the time to develop your tribe, spend quality moments with friends and family, find what brings you passion and joy and dig in!

love and peace...

building communities...

I did not get a flame thrower out this morning, but it took immense restraint.  Wasn't even awake for 30 minutes when I took my coffee down stairs to let the Pups play in the yard. Turned to sit in the chair down there and this large fella was hanging out.  Needless to say, I didn't sit, and the picture is a tad fuzzy because I took it with serious zoom.  I have never seen a spider that big in my yard.  Or since I've moved to this area of the country.  It was at least 2 inches, if not bigger.  Again, that was as close as I was getting. Went down a bit ago only to discover it has left.  Now the question remains to where? I will admit it is giving me a bit of anxiety.  Are there more of them?  Does it have a nest in my siding?  What kind is it?  Yes, those are the thoughts that bombarded me, as I took my coffee and decided sitting inside this morning was preferable. 

I love my garden, I cherish being outside.  I loathe spiders and snakes.  Both of which were discovered in our yard in the past 48 hours.  This is slightly concerning to me.  Although I am trying to keep my big girl panties on and understand that I should be excited to have both.  The tiny little snake was devouring the ants that gather around our tree in the front yard and the front what I can tell the GIANT (yes when you aren't fond of them two inches is GIANT - and if you notice that is my siding in the corner of the picture for size reference) spider eats lots of the pests that I don't want in my home or garden.  I'm trying to look at them through the same eyes I use with possums.  I'm trying.  I won't say succeeding yet, but as they are both still alive, it's a HUGE start.  At least for me. 

chillin' with mom

Yesterday was fantastic!  I rediscovered why "many hands make light work" is so powerful.  My friend and I worked on canning all day.  They had smoked some chicken breasts and we canned those up, and they had also smoked some onions, which are currently drying to be made into onion powder.  Both of our families work as a team with us owning some of the more pricey equipment and them owning some also.  I sent home some things for them to smoke and kept some of their stuff here to finish canning.  We were busy together for over 10 hours.  I have to admit it felt amazing to load up her car, very carefully with literally boxes of canned goods.  

It was so nice to have someone working side by side with me.  Chatting while chopping and planning future canning days.  I might end up ultimately getting a second canner, we could have made even more progress with two pressure canners.  The prep work is fairly quick, it's the actual canning that takes a little bit of time. 

Hubs and our other friend worked with a couple of young fella's to move my future cheese cave downstairs and then they did some furniture moving for our friend.  A huge bonus was that our friend gave us a beautiful metal patio table and chairs, that was originally offered to them.  The kind that we have been searching forever to find. It's older and needs to be cleaned up and painted, but it is going to look so awesome in the treetop garden. We will give our daughter the two rockers that are currently out there and then move the other table and chairs down to the lower patio.  Hopefully the spider decides to move to a different location before we do that. 

I can't wait to see how pretty the garden looks all together, although it will probably take a few weeks before we get it all done.  Hubs is busy at work, bringing on a new building, which translates into doing some of the more menial parts of his job in the evenings and weekends to allow the attention to flow where it's needed.  And we are going on a short camping trip this weekend, so that will kill any work happening at home. 

look who stopped by for a visit

I saw and shared something yesterday that really resonated with me.  In fact it is a theme that I know a lot of the people in my tribe are starting to feel.  About the value of building a village, about taking care of one another and doing the things that build stronger ties to one another. 

Maybe it is as simple as feeding the neighbors birds while they are out of town, checking in on the neighbor that lives alone.  Maybe mowing the grass or shoveling the snow.  Making sure folks have what they need.  Inviting them for a meal when they might otherwise be eating alone.  

I always thought it was my military upbringing that made those things feel second nature.  Yet the more I think about it while going about my day, the more I realize that is probably more factual than I thought. I live in the suburbs.  I can honestly say, I don't really know my neighbors, even though our houses are obscenely close together. Sadly, I feel like that is being orchestrated.  

Yards don't have front porches any longer, not meaningful ones, they are simple a place to decorate. Homes have curb appeal, but they aren't really welcoming.  Everything happens in the backyards of America.  That is where the cozy is, and lets be honest, no one walks around your house to your backyard, unless they are invited. 

I know I have seniors that live in my neighborhood, I know I have single folks, and lots of families of different ethnicities and culturally diverse beliefs.  I also know that I have a lot of folks that appear unfriendly. 

I say appear, because I am sure I appear that way too.  Although, if you get to know me, you will find I am anything but.  I almost feel like we have been used in a giant social experiment.  People work to exhaustion, they are driven to rest when they are home, because how else do you get the act of living completed while keeping up with the act of making enough money to live?  We have slowly been conditioned to more solitary pursuits, leaning into our neighbors is almost strange, intentionally so. 

While at Costco on Saturday, I was looking at the beautiful tomato plants.  They were super reasonable and I'd seen them the last 2 times we'd been.  I had pretty much decided that although I might not need any additions to my garden, I really wanted one, and was basically trying to justify it to myself.  This incredibly sweet woman stepped out of her own comfort zone to ask me if I'd ever grown them in a pot and if so was it difficult.  Within moments, we had a delightful conversation going on and I'd helped her select a healthy and strong tomato plant for her garden and given her some suggestions of how to really make it a great investment for her family.  It was wonderful.  It was what we should all be doing on a daily basis. 

I personally feel we are simply conditioned not to.  I hardly ever strike up conversations. I am not going to be the first one to speak with a complete stranger, unless I viably see they are in distress and need help. Yet when I lived in military quarters I would probably have been one of the first to welcome you to the neighborhood and ask if you needed help with anything.  

There is a different vibe in a military community.  Here in my subdivision the old timers are not always welcoming to the new folks.  There are some that actually discourage the newer families from even wanting to be part of the community.  

Working with my friends yesterday filled my heart.  I'm ready for more days like that. All of us have unique and wonderful gifts to share.  Each of us can lift up and support one another.  I guess the challenge becomes when are we going to do it. 

The feelings of joy that filled me yesterday of camaraderie and companionship are things I rarely feel in today's world.  Yet they are the very feelings I grew up with, the feelings I experienced as a young mom.  I definitely want that to become the norm.  I want connections with the people that surround me.  I want to understand them, I want to support them in times of trials and lean into them when I need the extra layer of support. 

I feel that maybe that is the path we are slowly getting back to... or at least I hope so. 

it's so still...

It's quiet out here this morning.  I'm sitting on the deck in the treetop garden, enjoying the bird songs and watching the sky get ever lighter.  I don't think we will have a breathtaking sunrise today, it's far too overcast. 

I've been awake for a couple of hours now, Hubs woke up Belle when he got up and she was crushed that he hadn't let her come downstairs with him.  Being the nice mom, I let her follow him, unfortunately he didn't realize she had so she didn't get her morning loves that she wanted.  I had a feeling that was the case when I didn't hear him talk to her, so Beau and I decided we would join her downstairs.  

They are definitely my puppies, but she loves her daddy and is always trying to get his attention.  Beau on the other hand is pretty much 100% mine, unless it involves food.  He is always near me and very much aware of where I am.  He is also the one that gets his feelings hurt the easiest.  

Dad scolded him for an accident in the basement a few weeks ago, now it is brutally difficult to get him to come downstairs.  Even though he wants to be with us and wants the treats, he will sit on the stairs.  It's a bit of a curse, but also makes training him much easier.  It was what led him to be leash broke so quickly, daddy scolded him for pulling and that was that. 

Did mom really leave chicken
out for us to smell?

Our sweet Belle couldn't care less.  You might hurt her feelings for a hot moment, but she bounces back more defiant than ever as soon as she's over it. There is absolutely no calming the spirit in that little one, she is full of sass and fire.  All bundled up in limitless love. 

enjoying some lounging time

Yep, I love my sweet little babies very much.  I am fairly positive that Beau is my Gator reincarnated.  There are simply way too many similarities in mannerisms and personality.  Even Hubs is noticing, in fact more than once he's called him Gator.  Belle has so many of Neeko's traits it is unreal.  I often feel like the boys are here with us still, the same, but different. 

I am so blessed. 

Since Belle got us all up so early, I've put the time to good use.  Not even finished with my first cup of coffee, but I have the broth in the pressure canner already, the chili is warming back up from a night in the fridge and I have two batches of jerky in the dehydrator.  It's hard to believe that there was a time I couldn't function before at least 9 am.  Now, I feel like the old army commercial from AFN - "we do more before 8 am than most people do all day"... somethings you never forget.  Although the time might be different, it's been a couple of decades since I heard it.  

I doubt I do more before 8 am than most folks do all day, but I am definitely most productive in the early hours.  It's when my energy is the highest and I am the most focused.  I don't do bad in the evening and early night time hours either, but the middle of the day is pure drudgery for me.  Maybe I simply have my sleep schedule mixed up?  I mean is that a thing?  Can your resting hours be that messed up for basically your entire life?  I really feel if I could sleep everyday from like noon to 6 pm, and live my life in the rest of the hours I would be a very high functioning individual. 

Then I feel like I would be missing out on so much of life.  Time with family and friends doesn't tend to happen around those hours.  My pups are afraid of the dark so they wouldn't enjoy it overly much.  But I feel like I would and could completely thrive. 

In a few minutes the timer will let me know the first batch from the canner is ready to have the heat turned off so that it can start depressurizing.  At that time I will get ready to start warming the jars to put the chili in so that they can finish processing before my friends come over to spend the day canning.  

Hubs put in a new set of shelves for me in my personal grocery store.  He felt I needed more, he's not wrong, so in addition he ordered another set that will be here this morning.  I love having my own tasty food at our disposal whenever we want and need it.  We've determined we enjoy it far more than the grocery store stuff.  Next weekend while we are in Arkansas I might see if I can find a couple of nice little farmers markets, it's warmer down there so their markets are a bit fuller.  

Do you have any idea how wonderful it is to be married to someone that understands and encourages your crazy? It's off the chain amazing, He understands what makes me tick.  He encourages me to explore new ideas and ways of doing things and then celebrates the end result. He never shies away from tasting a new creation - although I also have never tried to feed him chitlins (these are beyond horrible - don't ask how I know) or liver and onions.  He won't eat either and he's not fond of avocado, but occasionally I manage to feed him that one - as long as it is cleverly disguised.  

My kiddo's aren't always so willing.  Although yesterday I did get an incredible text message and evidently the girls, the dragon in particular, loved the jalapeno jelly.   It was "fire".  If that isn't enough encouragement to make sure it's always on the shelf I don't know what is.  I can't wait to get the jar of Cowboy Candy over to them.  I might not be able to keep enough of that made once the dragon discovers it. I'll also make sure to take them a batch of jerky, I know for a fact they love that. 

We are hoping to assemble my newest raised bed today so I can get it planted, but we'll see. There is rain moving in and I am fairly sure neither of us is excited to plant or assemble in the rain.  Although these mild temperatures are a blessing.  I need to plant my marigold seeds to encourage the pollinators to spend time in the garden and fill the bird feeders too. I cherish these moments and the goodness that comes with each day.  

The deer are starting to arrive to forage just beyond the fence.  The pups enjoy seeing them, but they are back asleep in the living room.  I guess I get to enjoy them in peace this morning. 

Well... it's time to get back to doing the things.  The timer went off meaning in about 20 minutes I can unload and reload the canner. I hope you are doing things that fill you with fire and passion, it changes everything when you have those things in your life. 

love and peace....

busy living...

I got up early enough to catch the beautiful sunrise this morning.  It was so beautiful, seriously had me questioning why I wasn't waking up earlier so I could enjoy it daily.  The backyard had a brilliant orange glow, the camera definitely did not do it justice. It felt so wonderful to be out in my garden enjoying the start of the day, maybe that is the key to my lack of motivation in the mornings lately?  Who knows. 

It definitely inspired me today.  We had a friend over for dinner last night and Hubs insisted on cutting open the black diamond watermelon in the fridge.  It was wonderful, as we sort of knew it would be, and of course I couldn't let the rind go to waste.  So I carefully cut it all up and got it soaking to be ready for making preserves first thing this morning.  

After I enjoyed my coffee in the garden, savoring that sunrise, I got busy. This is really the first time I've sat down for more than a few minutes.  And honestly I should go out and give Hubs a hand with the mowing, but I am guessing he is almost done.  Either that or something is wrong with the mower.  

The first thing I did was work on those preserves, they look like sunshine in a jar.  I am so glad that I got brave enough to try that old recipe.  Hubs loves it and I have gifted a few jars to friends, waiting to hear their thoughts, but I will always make it for Hubs now even if they don't love it as much. 

I have another couple of friends coming over tomorrow to do some canning with.  We are tag teaming doing the things, that way neither family has to buy all the supplies.  Although Hubs would love to get a smoker and I am not saying no, just wait for a bit.  More research must be done.  And we need to so a few more things around the yard first. Ya know, making it safe to play in for example.  Neither of us is getting any younger and we don't need to slip and fall. 

It's going to be a busy weekend.  Lots of yard work, cleaning and finishing up a few projects.  We have friends helping us move my "cheese cave" (that hasn't quite made it to cheese cave status) down to the basement and Hubs is putting in shelves for me.  I am determined to become an organized person at some point in my life. Not to mention finishing up a few canning projects from the gifted produce.  I didn't get the blood orange marmalade started yesterday, frankly I just ran out of time.  But I did get the applesauce made, some of the carrots got finished and lots of bone broth.  I am having so much fun!

I'm also going to spend a bit of time in the sewing room this weekend.  I am going to try my hand at making "g" tube pads.  Wish me luck!  They look super simple and I have all the stuff I will need.  My sister sent me a picture of the ones they use, that is all I usually need.  I will get as many done as I can before heading down to Arkansas.  Honestly, I feel like the more they have the better, less laundry days will be needed. 

We've decided on a unique baby present as he is already six months old and they have a lot of the normal baby stuff.  I'm putting together a basket of meals in jars and ready to serve type things.  Their life is a bit crazy with a twelve year old, two year old and now the little guy at home.  Between learning the routines that are needed for the little man, and navigating their brave new world, we figured something to make life easier for the whole family was a darn good idea.  One of my sister's friends started a meal train for them, so I figured we could knock out a few nights at once. 

I gotta tell you, things are getting so crazy expensive lately!  I mentioned we were trying to decide if we would stay in a hotel down in Arkansas or take the camper.  We usually stick within a 150 mile radius with the camper, simply because gas was starting to get high.  This trip will be 335 miles one way. So we were in a tough spot for the decision.  My car gets better mileage vs towing the camper.  So we were leaning towards staying in a hotel.  Even though my brother-in-law found a great campground literally in between everyone we are going to see. 

Well, long, long story short... we are taking the camper.  Hotels are now stupid expensive and even the ones we used to stay in with the boys have a 20 lb limit on dogs and a $15 - $30 per dog, per night fee.  So... camper it is!  If it's gonna cost me the same amount, I would rather stay in my own spot, with my own kitchen, bathroom and bed. 

Although I do admit, I am nervous that the price will go up again on gas before we leave.  This might be the last long trip for a bit.  I hate that I might not be able to go and see the family, but seems that is kind of the way the powers that be are trying to force us. 

Well, I'm gonna go give Hubs a hand, we need to go and pick up some dirt and shelves.  And errands are much more fun when you have company to do it with.  

Have a wonderful day!  

love and peace...

taking it slow...

Off to a leisurely start this morning.  I watched the sun lighten the sky out in my garden, marveled at the difference in our front yard from eight years ago when we moved in, enjoyed time with Hubs and the pups and I've slowly savored my coffee.  I can become far to intense when I have things I want to accomplish and I am trying to stop that.  

In a short while I will retrieve the stockpot that spent the evening in the fridge, we went out to dinner with the family to celebrate the formerly youngest grandson's birthday.  I realized this morning, that even though I often refer to him as our youngest grandson, since finding the Hubs eldest daughter he is actually the middle grandson. It was great to have time with the girl and her kiddo's last night.  She is an amazing mom and my heart bubbles with joy watching the five of them navigate life in such a carefree and loving manner. 

So I tucked it away for the night and will let it simmer for a few more hours.  I canned up the extra meat leftover and I am working on making another bone broth from the carcass. Waste not, want not. I was gifted a large amount of apples and some blood oranges.  So I decided that I was going to whip up some applesauce and blood orange marmalade.  I don't want them to go to waste and that way I have yummy treats for when the grands and kids are here.  From there... I don't know what will be next, but it will be something. 

As I was wandering through my garden this morning I was in awe of how well it is growing this year.  Being home and deeply engaged with it is definitely having a positive impact. There are tiny tomatoes already showing up, the cucumber vines have flowers, so do the pepper plants.  I have already harvest about 5 pounds of jalapeno's, and those beauties have become pickled, jellies and cowboy candy.  Since harvesting them they are covered once again with beautiful blossoms. I'm excited to see how it all turns out this year. 

I planted borage for the first time this year, supposedly it is a great companion plant for tomatoes and the flowers and tiny fruits can be used for canning and cooking.  They look so delicate that I find it hard to believe they will hold up to any of that.  Each year I try at least one new thing, that was this years.  I need to get another pot or two, I forgot that I'd planted cow peas in one and thought it was available for a tomato plant, ummmm... nope, it sure isn't. So I will try to get that done today.  I'll put some more borage in with that one once I get it transplanted. I also have another celery plant that I started in a bowl from the remains of a stalk I had bought at the store.  It's over 4 inches tall now and firmly rooted. 

Ahhh... the things I am learning.  

Each day brings something else new and exciting. I was scrolling through "the book" this morning and discovered a unique way to handle spots where grass will not grow.  I hadn't thought of using wood chips and pavers to create a safe, non-muddy garden area.  Our daughter gave me some pavers, she'd bought too many, and I've been trying to decide the best way to use them.  The area we removed the half dead shrubs from is quite interesting and no grass will grow there.  For several reasons, shady, they were evergreen shrubs, soil erosion is strong and puppies are running non-stop across it for starters. I tried to show the idea to Hubs, but you know algorithms and all... needless to say after hours of looking for the pictures again I just gave up.  Although I definitely think I am going to further explore the idea.  I think with a bit of work and time it would create a very beautiful oasis back there.  

I can't believe it is already Friday.  Time flies past so quickly.  I need to see if I can book a hotel in Arkansas for next Friday and Saturday.  Our little nephew has finally gotten to go home and we want to go and meet the little bugger.  His smile cracks me up, he seems to be as much of a character as his two year old brother. 

Besides, I am not sure how many times we will be able to get down there this year, I don't know about where you live, but gas jumped up another six cents yesterday and I have no idea what it did last night.  I don't know about you, but $4.56 is crazy, and honestly my car is supposed to have premium for best performance and that is over $5 a gallon. Ouch?!  We thought about taking our camper as there is a nice campground right in between my mom's and my sisters, but the gas is making it a bit prohibitive.  So it will depend on what I can find hotel wise, that allow dogs and don't charge a stupid amount for them. 

I want to go and see the family before it becomes too costly to make the trip.  Everything is going up so fast.  I also want to either send Hubs or all of us go to Alabama again before the prices go up too much.  I am concerned this insanity is only going to get worse. I'm weary of it all, but folks don't seem to be paying attention. At least not enough attention. 

As it is Friday, I'd better put my laptop up and get with it. The chore elves seem to have moved away so it's time to take care of our little suburban homestead while it's still cool and comfy.... 

love and peace...

exhaustion...

I am bone weary today.  I don't know why.  It's sunny and beautiful, I slept well and I am very relaxed.  But today is simply one of those bone weary, no motivation days. I feel like I could go back to sleep or at least my body could.  My brain on the other hand has totally different plans. 

Hubs tells me all the time to take a day for me.  I want to.  I want to sit and watch video's that interest me, that help me learn new skills or follow different ideas.  I want to sit here in the comfy chair and knit, watching my puppies create messes and playing happily.  

My brain says no way.  My heart says no way. For some reason I feel very drawn to do what I have been doing.  To keep working on the things that I feel are incredibly important.  

My garden needs watered and the plants that grow happily beneath the bird feeders need weeded on a daily basis.  I could move the bird feeders, but then I wouldn't see the birds that bring me so much happiness.  It's a fair trade off I guess. 

I have jars to label and store. I also have things that I want to continue to try.  A couple of days ago I made a few of the "burrito in a jar" meals.  I am fascinated with making full meals that simply need to be opened and warmed. So many folks talk about these and how tasty and easy they are, Hubs and I don't eat grains currently, so I asked my daughter to try them for me.  I'm also going to ask a friend if she would do so.  If they like them, then I am going to try modifying the recipe for us.  If the kids like them, I might make my girl a stash of them, there is something so easy and reassuring about coming home from a hard day of working and simply popping the top off and warming it up, adding a few basic perishables and having a great meal. She works hard, I want to help lighten her load. 

The difference in the things I am canning versus buying the same item in the store is so incredibly noticeable that I am seriously questioning how on earth we ever got convinced that mass produced food was a great idea.  The flavors are so different.  Maybe that is what leads to the nostalgia so many speak of when they remember how granny made it.  Not so sure granny for the most part was opening cans of mass produced food. 

I don't really remember the meals at my grandparents house, mainly because I didn't live close and they were rare.  I remember my grampa's garden, it was large and the strawberries and corn were the best I've ever eaten.  I remember helping him gather strawberries and my grammie making us strawberry shortcake for dinner.  I wish that I could remember more. I wish that I had been around to learn from both of them. I feel like so much knowledge was lost. 

Hubs often talks about his dad's spaghetti sauce and how it had a unique flavor that he is semi-sure was anise. I guess he never thought to ask or simply doesn't remember what it was.  I would love to recreate it for him, but without a bit more knowledge, I can't.  Again, so much is lost. 

My own memories of my maternal grandparents, my great grandma and my paternal grandma are very fuzzy.  There are snippets here and there, things that I held dear are like minor capsules of information that rarely see the light of day any longer. There are many things I wish that I could have asked them, learned from them, explored.  Those memories are not mine to access. 

Last night as I was unwinding from the day I was listening to a video of a homesteader that I am constantly learning from, she posed the question of why do we not listen to the elders anymore.  She is of Cherokee descent and they still honor their elders, those with the knowledge and wisdom learned the hard way.  She was speaking of a questionable habit we seem to be developing as a nation of listening to those that only assume or read a book.  Those that are sharing their own ideas, but have never tried to actually implement it.  My son calls them the theoretical folks (he uses it in terms of science, but it applies in all areas). 

I've been thinking about that, a lot.  I consider myself to fall in the category of "jack of all trades, master of none".  I don't say that at all to be derogatory to myself or any others. In fact, in this day and time, I am so thankful for the plethora of skills I have acquired over my lifetime thus far.  For the longest time it bothered me greatly that I didn't seem to have a set goal in life.  I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I'm not a doctor, lawyer, accountant, educator, or any of those other things that kids dreamed of when they were young.  

Instead, I am a little of all of those things.  I spend time learning natural ways to heal the body, using herbs, foods, exercise, sunshine, positive thoughts and energies, I have bandaged my share of wounds and treated the common illnesses that we all suffer through, but nope I am not a doctor.  I also take care of our pets medical needs and keeping them healthy so I guess I do pet dogtering too when needed. 

I take time to learn to do basic legal things, yet am smart enough to know when to resort to someone that has spent years mastering that craft. I can read a contract and understand it, I can explore statutes and laws, but that is definitely not something I aspire to be in life. 

I loathe accounting and math.  Yet, I am the family bookkeeper, the one responsible for the budget and doing our taxes. I am the accounts receivable and payable departments all in one.  It is my responsibility to insure our bills get paid on time and that we are able to live the life we want to live from a financial perspective. 

I am definitely not a traditional teacher.  I have worked in that field, far more than I am comfortable admitting, but it isn't for me.  I want to expand minds, open them to new ideas and free thoughts.  I sadly have witnessed far more programming in our education system.  Memorize what we tell you, don't think for yourself - as that will be frowned upon.  I will gladly, willingly and with raw openness share any and everything I have learned.  I will teach you the basics of quilting, while in the very next breath telling you to follow your own heart and make it yours.  I will help you learn things like soap and candle making, while encouraging you to break all the rules. I cherish helping people learn.  I am not an educator.  I want to teach things and learn from our joint experiences as we explore new ways and ideas. 

Nope, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I know that I want to continue following the path I'm on.  I want to learn, I want to explore, I want to fail forward.  I don't have any desire to be the master of anything except my own life.  I don't fit in the standard boxes well.  In fact I am probably very much that round peg being shoved into a much too small square hole. I am not ever going to fit.  I am okay with that.  At least now I am. 

I respect those that knew from an early age what their path was meant to be.  I honor it.  I have had a lifetime of being envious of it.  Yet here I am at this point in my life finally respecting those like myself.  The ones that can fill many gaps in life, the ones that hold things together to allow all of those masters the ability to soar in their chosen fields and not have to worry about the other stuff.  We are all needed, we are all important. 

Yep those are my legs
they are laying on

I have definitely rambled on about the strangest assortment of thoughts and ideas today, guess I was right... master of none... but my coffee is getting super cold and sitting here snuggling puppies is not taking care of business. Well, sitting snuggling puppies is very much taking care of business... if it fills your soul (and theirs) it is important business... but eventually today, I have to get busy with doing the things...

current status

love and peace...

what's that sound?

Listening to the sound of the heavy rain outside is so calming.  I love the peacefulness of it.  I am in need of some peacefulness this morning. 

Yesterday was super busy, in a great way!  I am loving learning and doing and creating for my family.  I feel a sense of contentment that I truly did not realize was even possible.  I also have a very tired body.  I spend a lot of my day lifting heavy things and moving non-stop.  My arms are hating even lifting my coffee cup right this moment.  They are tired.  My back is tired and sore, but my spirit is soaring.  

I was glancing at some financial news articles this morning and noticed that ironically another major poultry farm a massive producer of eggs for supermarkets went up in flames. I realize those are horrible conditions for the birds, the eggs are inferior to what you could have if you raised your own, etc...  Unfortunately, there are far too few people that live in areas allowed to have their own chickens.  There are many people that have already been struggling to provide for their families and that eggs provided protein even though the cost of them has been going up. 

I also noticed that more baby food factories have been closed.  Why?  

We are definitely living in some seriously dark times. And if you don't see it, then you are choosing not to.  If it isn't the food costs escalating, it's the fuel, or utilities, or clothing, or the bare shelves at stores that they are rearranging things to hide. People are struggling mentally, the effects of the games that have been played are starting to show.  People are cracking. 

I needed the peacefulness of this morning.  The sound of the birds chirping, the rain gently falling now.  The stillness that reminds me that despite all of the chaos swirling around us, we have the choice and free will to decide whether we choose to participate or not. 

I fall on the not side. I always have. I'm not changing who I am at this late stage. 

Yesterday or maybe the day before I saw that article on "the book" about the things that 1940's women did to pull their families through the devastation left by two world wars and a depression. I've been pondering it a great deal, trying to rationalize why all of the sudden it is showing up in my feed.  What the game plan is, because it seems there is always a game plan.  

Thoughts have occurred to me about the fact that "the book" uses algorithms and the groups I follow tend to be around quilting, crafts, gardening, homemaking, cooking, canning, camping, traveling, etc.  So maybe their algorithms led them to think it would be of interest. 

Then I read the comments, because that is something I often do.  There were a whole lot of folks asking the same questions that I am asking.  Why is this showing up. What are they either foreshadowing or is it just that they are trying to raise fear and anxiety? Are they seriously trying to romanticize washing out your aluminum foil and rinsing your paper towels?  Pulling that bit of nostalgia to the forefront?  I think everyone had family members that did that. Most folks are not allowed to hang their laundry due to city ordinances, or at least not around here. The irony is that many things on that list have been banned in most areas.  Unsightly, noisy, unsanitary... hmmm...

All of these things are definitely bringing up some serious questions. 

Add to that the apparent inability of many businesses to hire workers.  And that some of the largest companies are starting layoffs and trying to lease out their own warehouses.  It's troubling. I try to rationalize why folks are choosing to be part of the work force.  Is it about money?  Has the discontent been raised that high with the non-stop $15 an hour minimum that people feel entitled to that?  Can they not see the cause and effect?  If you pay more, you have to increase the cost of your service or product to cover that increase, which therefore decreases the value of that salary increase.

I guess not. 

Or is it that people are learning to do without double incomes, thereby shorting the work force as one parent is staying home.  Finding a daycare for your children is an absolute nightmare and if you do find care, the costs are ridiculous in order to cover the salaries and other increases the businesses are dealing with.  Add to that the cost of gas, your food for the day, uniforms or work attire and you are pretty much working for nothing. 

For years I have heard more and more kids saying they would never lower themselves to working food service.  That it is demeaning.  Yet those jobs were traditionally held by the unskilled as their built their job history. Now we have kids showing up for job interviews wearing animal ears and unable to cope with the anxiety of job skill training.   

So many times I have toyed with returning to the work force, feeling guilty each time the worker shortage is brought up.  Gotta say, I'm not inclined.  I am better able to serve the needs of my family by being home. Not to mention that the first time an employee lost their cool with me over their inability to manage their own anxiety I would probably end up in jail. 

So much damage is being done.  So much damage has been done.  I hope you are paying attention.  I hope you are not simply sitting back and listening to the canned garbage that is spewed by all forms of the media.  I hope you are seriously taking stock in what is going on all around you.  Families are being destroyed, lives are changing at a speed that is the definition of insanity.  It's truly sad. 

It's supposed to rain all day.  I'm glad, we need the rain.  And I hope it washes some of the ugliness away.  I hope it brings a fresh start.  Am I putting on my rose colored glasses?  Of course I am. But while it is raining, I am going to get back to work being busy.  I am going to take care of my family and dearest friends.  I am going to continue to pray and send out positive energy, love and light.  I am going to keep on fighting in the only ways that I know of. 

And I am going to continue paying attention.  It's unbelievable what comes to light when you stop and take a deep breath. 

love and peace...