creating the life...

A few years ago I bought a book while at an airport, something to read to manage the wait. It was about how to reclaim your weekend.  I was surfing the internet for a few moments, giving my legs and back a break yesterday and I came across a meme that said "use the weekend creating the life you want, not to escape the one you are in".  It brought that book rushing back to me.  I never finished reading it.  It was like a beacon shining a light on the things that were missing in my life, the things that were making me so sad as they were lacking in my world.  It was like they had written the book about me, it was so depressing.  

There was a time that I didn't or couldn't stop the "grind" unless I wanted to be so far behind I couldn't catch up.  As a result I was a grumpy person that was dying inside.  I missed so many things. I missed so much joy and one time things.  I was afraid to step away, I was afraid to move into that person that was creating the life they want. 

Fast forward to today, I am in such a different place.  I realized that I am no longer running away from my life, I finally have what I always wanted and needed in my life. Yet as things like that continue to appear, I feel that it is still a crazy important message for many.  I am definitely creating a life that I fills me with peace. 

There are a couple of folks in my life that I see my old self in.  My heart hurts, I want to wave a magic wand and take away the stress and the non-stop grind.  I can't.  No one can, just like no one could have for me.  It's a journey that I believe we all have to take for ourselves, when we are ready to move forward and take those steps. 

Just like that book couldn't magically give me back my weekends, which at the time were not filled with fun and relaxation.  Back then those two days that should have allowed me to hope and dream were filled with rushing around and doing all the stuff I needed to cram in to be ready for the insanity of the week ahead.  If they weren't spent squeezing in more work. 

When I talk to both of them now, I am so happy to hear the joy in their voices about the good things that are squeezing into the few cracks of time in their work-a-day-world. They are both working on small gardens, planting seeds and spending a bit of time nurturing their growth.  One has even added a few chickens into the mix.  I don't know if they can hear it in their own voices, but I can. There is a calmness to be found in those moments.

I used to long for balance.  I was certain that was the magical key that I was somehow missing. Now, I wonder if it had more to do with the fact that I wasn't following my passions.  I was chasing the money that I was sure was going to make everything better. Only to now realize that having disposable income is great, but not if all you are doing with it is buying stuff to fill bigger voids within yourself. 

Hubs is still away on his work retreat, he's in one of the most beautiful places, where it is easy to unplug and relax.  I'm happy for him.  I hope he is actually doing that.  I know he's gotten some fishing in and based on the text I woke up to from somewhere around midnight, I know he's enjoying some back deck sitting and sipping.  I'm glad that he was enjoying himself so much that he forgot to call or text me good night.  I would be more worried and upset if he had, because that would have been a red flag that it was not a good evening. 

I'm sure when he gets home tonight he will be ready to go to bed at 730 pm, he never stays up late and two nights in a row?  He will be tired. I get it.  Although I might start pushing for him to stay up later with me in the evening.  

Down at Trout Lodge you are forced to talk and socialize, the is only one television for the entire lodge.  The ability to lose oneself in the mindlessness of a television show or movie for hours isn't really an option.  But who needs it when you have the ability to fish, hike, bike, do a dozen outdoor activities, spend time with friends and just exist?

Of course it's quiet here, but not a bad quiet.  I think he needs to do things like this a bit more, I think the fishing and socializing with friends is filling his soul in a good way. I have been busy tending to mine.  I find connecting to nature is so good for all of us.  In whatever way fills you up. I have loved ones that walk in parks for hours, enjoying the beauty and absorbing all of the goodness surrounding them.  Other's hike, some do yoga, some boat, float, kayak, some are farming the land.  I find the more time I can spend outside with my fingers in the dirt the richer and more fulfilling life feels. 

Another friend shared a meme that got my mind to twirling in circles.  A bunch of kids outside at dusk on their bikes and scooters.  Talking about the great life we had, sad that we were the last ones to enjoy it.  Ironically, yesterday on a social media platform someone asked where are all the kids? That you never see kids outside playing anymore.  They don't gather in cul-de-sacs or hang out on their bikes in the neighborhoods.  You really don't see much of it at all anymore.  

Life has changed.  I hope the pendulum swings back.  I hope we become more grounded in the little things.  I hope that people turn off their televisions, I would gladly get rid of most of ours - they steal so much away from you.  I hope that people start reconnecting as humans.  Not through electronics, not hiding behind keyboards.  But human to human.  

Well my mind has rambled enough, I need to go water the newly seeded grass and take care of a few leftover chores before starting on today's journey.  I'm making my girls' family a lasagna dinner today, they love it and she's working hard, it's a surprise, shhh... she doesn't read my blog so I am safe.  

Find some time that really fills your soul, in whatever way it needs to be filled.  Soak up some sunshine, walk in the fresh air, work in a garden, spend time with family and friends.  And forget the negative, petty crap that is being thrown around like confetti.  Simply say a prayer or send some positive energy their way and keep on keeping on... 

love and peace...

best life...

Did you see the eclipse?  Was it spectacular?  I saw a bit of it, I was far to exhausted to stay awake for the entire thing. Besides it's simply not as much fun when there isn't anyone to share in the wonder of it with.  Hubs stayed awake for the entire thing, but truthfully with his view and the fact he was hanging with friends, I can't say I blame him at all.  His view was unmarred by light pollution and clouds.  I loved waking up to pictures of the entire thing.  It was so unbelievably beautiful. 

I love Trout Lodge and would definitely go there more often if they were pet friendly or had an RV campground.  

Back here in town, it is another busy day.  In typical Midwest fashion it is sunny and cold.  After 90° or hotter 54° feels pretty darn cold.  Perfect for the work I intend to do today.  My to do list is pretty long and I don't have much time this morning to simply relax.  But everyone deserves a quiet wake up with their coffee. 

The pups are close enough I could touch them.  They are both in trouble, so I'm not.  They are not taking it well.  I hate being upset with them.  I stink at being the mean parent.  But... I really need them to stop going outside for an hour and coming inside and using the bathroom.  It is not okay.  That means I have more work to tackle today, as I now need to extract a couple of carpets.  I'm quite upset with them. I guess they will have to lay there and give me the puppy eyes, because I have to get them to understand.  I hate that soul crushed look they get when told they are bad babies.  Ugghhh... I'm not cut out for being the disciplinarian. 

I can hear a little bird outside chirping away, I am guessing he's letting me know that I have been neglecting my bird feeding duties.  Actually those duties belong to Hubs, but he's been a bit crazy busy, so I took them over.  Evidently, not well.  I guess I will add it to today's to do list.  I just climbed out of bed and I am tired already. 

Haha, no I'm not.  Here's the thing I am realizing about my life.  When you are doing things that fill your soul and make your life feel complete, your body might get weary and ready to give up, but you don't get tired.  You have reserves of energy that seem boundless. 

My Dad was fond of saying "do something you love and you will never work a day in your life".  It's attributed to so many folks I don't know where it originated. It has tons of minor tweaks and each person claims it as their own.  At first it seemed like a fairytale to me, work wasn't meant to be fun, it was work. I figured it was something he said to motivate us to do more, Dad was like that, he always pushed us girls to be more and do more. 

I finally understand.  I finally get it.  Maybe the reason I didn't leave school knowing what I wanted to do with my life, is because what I wanted to do wasn't really an option.  I want to do exactly what I am doing.  And thankfully I am blessed to be married to a wonderful man that has always wanted a 1950's style housewife.  I think he might have gotten a 1930's version, but I don't think he is complaining in the least. 

I am happiest taking care of my family, my puppies, my garden, my home, creating usable art and providing for the good of those around me.  I can work tirelessly at those things and never find myself in the funk that I used to feel. 

I might get bodily weary.  There are days I marvel at the fact that I don't even really have time for long walks and still break over 4 miles walked while never leaving my suburban homestead.  It's crazy to me.  I don't bring a traditional paycheck to our home, but my labor and work does bring a financial benefit to it, it makes Hubs' paycheck go even further for us. It's a win/win. 

Well as much as my legs might be enjoying this time spent sitting here and relaxing, my to do list needs care.  I have a lot to accomplish this week.  And it's time to get busy doing the things that bring me joy.  I am living my best life and it feels great!

Are you living yours?

love and peace

photo's of the eclipse - credit goes to the Hubs!

lessons learned...

Do you ever sit down at the end of the day and realize that it is almost the first time all day that you've stopped?  That you are finally not busy? Today has been a blur since I woke up.  I slept in, 7 am is not a normal wake up for me, but I was up until around 12:30 am so, I guess it all balances out. 

The day started at a rush and just kept going.  Hubs went to spend the day fishing down at Trout Lodge, he's there for a retreat for the next couple of days, but today was simply about him and a buddy spending some quality time wetting a line and talking away. 

I spent my day entertaining puppies, canning up the case of tomatoes that had to be finished today (I'm sitting here waiting for the pressure to go down so I can take the last batch out of the canner), running errands and spending a bit of time with my girl.  We don't often get to spend time just the two of us, so it was nice. 

She was gifted some boards that she thought maybe I could use to make some signs, and I do believe she is correct.  They are the kind that would make great farmhouse signs.  I went over to pick them up, visited with her for a bit, both of us got terrified by a baby snake that simple did not want to leave, we planned thinning out her catnip and mint plants, I will probably go over a couple of times this week and put some in pots for her. I helped her get her stuff out for the yard sale, she is working a bigger job this week and won't have much time, I will have time, so I spent it enjoying her company and working together. 

I had to return some tops today, I'd ordered what size I thought I would/could wear, never in a million years dreaming that I could wear an even smaller size now.  It was unbelievable to me that they were too big, I'd felt I was being overly optimistic when I ordered the size I did.  I decided while I was there I would see if they had any shorts in Hubs size, he only managed to get two pairs the day before and they were the same color.  It's summer, he needs shorts.  They did have them so I got back into line.  I stood in that line for 45 minutes.  My legs were hurting and I was tired.  I thought about saying never mind, but I felt I should stay and get them for him.  

There was a single cashier, no other help anywhere to be seen.  His tag said he was an associate in training.  If I still hired people, I would hire him in a second.  He was super polite, apologized for the delay and stayed cheerful as he worked non-stop.  I asked him if he had any help, his reply, "I hope some relief will show up soon ma'am, but I promise that I will help everyone a quickly as I can until that happens".  I was there for about an hour and a half total and he was the only employee I saw during that entire time. He smiled to everyone and acted as if taking care of them was the most important thing in the world.  I was amazed, he had every reason to be snarly, off-tempered and frustrated.  And yet, he chose to be the exact opposite. 

I left that store and went to another to pick up an order and get a couple of things for my girl.  I decided to shop first, but I was getting tired of shopping and ready to be done.  I found a line and got in it.  One person in front of me, wouldn't be too bad.  The man in front of me was in a sling and struggling to unload his cart, the cashier was so sweet and helped him out.  As he started to pay I was getting more and more tired and feeling a bit fussy inside.  I pulled out gift card after gift card to pay for his bill that was over $300, each time it lowered it by $5 - $25 dollars, I was starting to wonder if I was destined to be in the longest line all day.  Knowing, that I was done with shopping and any other plans for the day were going to have to wait.

Finally it was my turn.  I explained to the cashier that I had two separate baskets, one was mine, one was my daughters.  This opened the door for the cashier to tell me all about what she and her daughter were going through in life and how traumatic it was.  I was definitely feeling overwhelmed by the story and my need to finally be home and sitting.  I was worn and had expended far too much energy on non-productive things.  The line was growing.  I kept prodding her to complete the transaction, almost wishing I had opted for self-checkout.  I hate the way the cashier bags my purchase when I self-checkout.  Anyhow as we were wrapping up she mentioned that her daughter might have cancer and needed prayers.  I didn't think twice as I gathered my bags up and started to walk away, reassuring her that I would send up prayers for her daughter. 

It was what she said next that stopped me in my tracks for a moment.  As I said good-bye and wished her a wonderful day, she paused, smiled and then thanked me to for taking the time to listen to her. I felt horrible inside and blessed at the same time. 

Horrible for thinking that she was rambling on and wanting to leave.  Blessed because despite myself I was able to be there during a moment that she needed someone to listen. We are all here trying to make it through this crazy human experience and I almost didn't give her the grace she needed. 

Now I'm sitting here hoping the sky clears just enough for me to see some of the Lunar eclipse, Hubs has a fantastic view across the lake from his room.  I know he'll send me photo's if he can see it. I will go and pull those basil tomatoes and head up to bed shortly.  I'm worn out. 

My lessons learned today where to remember to make time for everyone.  We are all on this journey to the same destination, but following different paths and timelines.  Be that person for someone, share the kind word, listen without judgement and simply be the person you want to encounter in all of this... 

Okay, eyelids are drifting... it's time to call it a wrap... don't forget to look at the eclipse if you can see it and to listen... In a world where we can chose to be anything... please be kind. 

love and peace...

ps - all photos tonight courtesy of the Hubs.

gotta go back...

It's another early morning around here.  I think I'm just going to resign myself to the fact that I don't seem to want to sleep past 4 am.  I even went to bed late, as we joined friends for dinner and had to give the wildebeests time to play. 

It's okay, I'm not tired, just feel like it is an odd time to wake up.  Guess I am conditioned to think that most people sleep later than that.  And then I question who created that thought process and why do I care what most people do?  The only other human in the house is Hubs and he gets up super early also, so I know that I am not disturbing him with my current odd sleeping hours. It's been so very long since I set an alarm that I feel it is probably just my internal clock aligning itself with the sun's rising and setting.  I'm good with it. 

Hubs and I decided to watch the movie 2000 Mules, we were curious as there is so much hype surrounding it and the fact that there aren't really any neutral reviews we decided to use our own discernment.  Something I am finding folks struggle with doing a lot anymore. To say it was a heavy watch is an understatement.  I have my own feelings about what has been going on and I can't exactly say that they are changed by watching it.  In fact, I would love to see it broadcast far and wide and let everyone make their own enlightened decision.  Do I think it will happen?  No, I don't. Do I feel enough people will watch it on their own.  Again, no.  Most people are not going to spend the $30 to watch a movie at home.  

For us, we are glad we took the time.  We saw things that at first blush need to be explored far deeper than they have been.  Additionally, I feel a stronger need to be far more careful with my digital footprint.  Not what I put out on social media, I don't put anything out that I feel a need to hide or change.  I am very careful about what I write, post, comment on or acknowledge.  If I don't agree with something, but see no sense in joining the conversation then I simply don't.  

I'm meaning my unintentional digital footprint.  I've struggled with all of the ads that pop up non-stop every time I look at something, talk about something, or like when I went to the quilt show and almost immediately started receiving marketing on every single longarm machine that I tested.  That annoys me to no end.  But to hear of the thousands and thousands of apps that buy my digital data, from simply traveling around with my phone.  Wow.  Just WOW!  Anyone that feels like they have a shred of privacy left and owns any electronic device needs to seriously reconsider that thought. 

These times are definitely not the world that I want to be part of.  I love the conveniences, just like everyone else. There are times when I remember waiting forever for a letter to arrive in the mail, when I had to walk to the post office to use the phone because the cost of one in the house was prohibitive.  I remember those days, probably with rose colored glasses on, because I'm sure at the time it was horribly annoying and frustrating. 

While I love immediate answers and connectivity.  I adore being able to do quick research, to learn and explore ideas and thoughts that occur to me when I want to.  Not having to wait to go to the library and hope someone has written a book about it. I'm questioning the fact that we no longer have any privacy.  

I'm not sure if that was an unintentional conclusion of watching that movie or if it simply opened my eyes a bit more to things that I have already known and or suspected on my own.  

The good old days had more privacy.  They had a greater opportunity to live your life in a bubble of anonymity.  Your life wasn't on broadcast to the world.  Those days are long gone.  I have nothing to hide in my life.  I do choose to keep some of my ideas and beliefs to myself, but that is simply because I feel we live in a very judgmental world.  

I try very hard to stay in a place of "you do you, I'll do me".  We don't have to agree, we don't have to have the same ideals, values or lifestyles.  The only time I become that judgy person - despite trying not to, is when I encounter those that simply can't follow that principal.  Those that want to force you into a box that fits their thoughts and beliefs only, where you cannot have your own thoughts of feelings, you must conform to the group think crap.  And then, I'm not really judgy, I simply move on.  Again... you do you.  

It took me a long time in life to get here.  It took almost 4 decades of life to start to evolve into someone that stopped trying to play that game.  I still have strong moments of insecurity, programming that I haven't been able to leave behind. Even writing my blog, I sometimes find myself editing out things that could be perceived by someone as controversial or out of the norm. Things that people mind judge or be ugly about.  Even as I strive to walk out of that way of thinking and believing. 

I guess it is easier to not walk against the flow.  But is it better?  I don't feel like it is. Having stepped almost completely out of societal norms in the past year, I find a greater happiness.  A peace and calmness that was lacking in my life. Here at home with my family, pups, the friends I chose to be with, my garden and personal hobbies and activities, I find pure joy. 

I have different values and ideas than even a year ago.  I have a sense of not really caring how I fit into societies puzzles. And then I am reminded that every place I go, every key stroke I make, every idea that I explore is being tracked and monitored by some form of AI to either try to change my thoughts, influence my ideals and purchases, or provide someone insight into who I am for whatever reason.  Well frankly, I find that super disturbing. 

I definitely believe I could be one of those people that simply steps away from modern society as a whole.  If it wouldn't mean leaving the people I love, I would do so tomorrow.  A small self-sustaining farm far and away from the chaos.

There is a song that I love, I listen to it often, one of the lines says "We gotta go back to that place where all those good old days are at. If we're ever gonna get this crazy world of ours on track... we gotta go back".  It often plays through my mind. I find my peace in going back.  I am never going to be comfortable in the highly invasive, highly technical world that we live in now. I will always be trying to go back. 

Well, this morning has started with some seriously heavy thoughts and ideas.  I think it's time for me to go out and enjoy the beautiful sunrise, the birds chirping, my babies playing crazily in the yard and a hot cup of coffee before I get busy.  Lots to do today... of course I am heading back...

love and peace to all...

this world is wonky...

The sun hasn't quite risen yet, the birds are all waking up, the sound of them calling through the trees is one of my favorite sounds.  It calms my soul. I should shut the deck door, but I'm not ready, I need to listen for a bit. 

I don't know what caused me to have a sense of pure anxiety and panic this morning around 3 am.  I'd semi-realized that Hubs was up and moving around, just as I started to drift back to sleep I felt it.  No reason that I know of, everyone is okay (as far as I know), yet there it was that familiar feeling I get when things are wrong in my immediate circle of loved ones.  Anxiety, pressure, the skin on my head feeling like a million bugs are moving just under the surface.  After a few moments it went away, but it sure shot down any chance of going back to sleep.  When folks wake up I will do a check just to make sure it was nothing. Prayers are up and fingers are crossed. 

So question... did anyone else ever watch the original Twilight Zone?  Anyone else starting to feel like we are living it?  So many times lately I am struck by scattered memories of the shows being our reality now. Predictive programming?  Not sure, but wow. 

My daughter made a comment about books and how she couldn't understand anyone buying them in this day and age, you have the internet.  I love books, I love to write and leave notes on my recipes, etc., but when she said it I remembered the episode with the old man in the library.  Burgess Meredith, alone surrounded by stacks of books, finally having time to read and he broke his glasses.  Is that where we are heading? Will everything be digital, no one owning a solid copy?  Will there always be people like me left behind because we love the old ways?

While I was surfing this morning I noticed an article about a dust wall that happened yesterday up in parts of South Dakota, Iowa and Nebraska.  Those were some incredibly fascinating pictures and videos. Terrifying also. It looked like a giant wall of dirt, something straight out of a movie scene.  There haven't been many pictures of the aftermath posted, but those that have been are worrisome.  I've heard a lot of power lines and trees are down.  

I'm sure that these things have been happening forever, I'm not positive, but nature seems to always have a cycle to it.  What I was struck the hardest by was the realization that the pictures this morning were so reminiscent of the ones we grew up learning the dust bowl of the 1930's looked like.  The only difference was the beautiful landscaped yards and homes vs the shacks of the 1930's and of course color photos vs monochrome.

It looks like we have a bit of rain moving in today and sticking around for at least a week. Seems they've been dealing with an ongoing drought, just like most of the western states outside of Oregon and Washington.

I hope the people affected are okay, I didn't read of any loss of life, but definitely loss and destruction of property. My heart hurt.  How much more can we take?  We have large parts of our country on fire again, this has almost become an expected terror in recent years, not sure what we've changed, but something has.  This has been a year of unexpected temperatures in other areas, on both the high and low side of things. And it isn't just our country.  I am fairly sure it was Australia yesterday that had several weeks... maybe months I was just stunned looking at all the water... worth of rain fall in a two day period.

Mother Nature seems to be as angry as most folks are getting. 

To top it off it seems there is something we should all be concerned about with the WHO.  And the possibility of a serious violation of our constitutional rights and the changes are being put forward by our own government.  Don't know about you, but what I am seeing out of China is not something I would like to have happen here in this country.  And it is a distinct possibility.  Again, fairly positive changes like that should need a majority of the country saying yes. Not just an unelected bureaucrat in DC. 

Hmmm... maybe there is another reason I woke up in full anxiety mode today. 

I am getting ready to get busy for the day, I have a lot to do.  With the storms moving in there is yard stuff that has to be finished today.  I need to pick the remaining radishes, it looks like the heat is causing the rest of them to bolt.  Makes me sad, but I knew it would happen.  I was worried about the peas, but it looks like I might actually get some as they are now flowering like crazy. I never did get the tomatoes planted yesterday, so I think I will do that before the sun comes up and starts heating everything up. 

I had Hubs pick up some more tomatoes last night because I realized yesterday that we had officially eaten or gifted the last jar of the stewed tomatoes I had made and Hubs loves them. So I will get those made up today and I have a couple of stews to complete, I was too tired to finish yesterday.  Today is also the day to finish up the chores I haven't made time to complete this week.  

And with the pups officially off of convalescence, it's time to return my house to normal.  Taking things off the furniture and putting them back where they belong.  It will be nice to start moving more freely around our home again. 

So much to do... it's definitely time to get busy... 

love and peace...
 

oh my heart...

Welcome to the mid-west, woke up to steamed up windows, the humidity outside is horrible. Luckily rain is moving in tomorrow evening, which will definitely improve things for a bit.  Being the mid-west it will only help for the moment.  We are moving into the hot, humid season, or hell on earth in my opinion. Oh joy.

I am going to buy a kiddie pool this weekend for the pups, I think they will love it.  Luckily one side of the backyard has a huge tree that keeps it very cool over there, so the pups will have lots of safe areas to enjoy. 

Hubs had the news on this morning, My heart is hurting.  When are people going to wake up?  When are they going to realize that regardless of your political beliefs the way things are going is hurting far too many people? When do we realize that the "people in charge" don't give a crap about the average person?  

Have you ever worked for a company and made the statement that the CEO doesn't care about the little guy?  Have you ever felt like you didn't exist in the company org chart?  That your whole point in being was to make money for the higher ups?

On a national and global scale, that is where we are.  We are simply pawns in a game they are playing.  I'm not sure what the ultimate goal of the game is, but I don't feel that it is the overall success of humanity. 

There was story after story about the lack of baby formula.  Why? I did some research on it last night, because I was hearing a lot of things that simply don't make sense.  Now even less makes sense.  In fact it all makes as much sense as the toilet paper shortage and that was off the chain stupidity.  To the best of my knowledge no one ended up walking around with a dirty bum. 

I could feel the same hype to fear that was so prevalent with the "pandemic".  I could hear that drum beating.  Why in the world would you allow your most vulnerable population to starve?  Or at least threaten to?  Glancing at Twitter and the Book, you have the folks out there beating the drum also.  Pounding it in a steady rhythm. 

Add into that this chirpy, smiling reporter this morning saying that gas is at an all time high and predicted to get higher every day.  All smiling and cheerful.  The reason?  After the pandemic people are finally getting out and about, they are doing things in droves and it is more than the supply can handle.  Odd that it didn't cover the news that our current administration cancelled all oil leases in Alaska and the Gulf of Mexico last night.  I had heard that from several reputable financial reports at about 430 am this morning.  I assure you that has more to do with it than the increase in people going places, because I don't know about where you live, but venues aren't packed to the brim like they were in 2019 around here.  In all my friend and camping groups folks are saying they are staying home more, the price of gas is outrageous.  Heck even the campgrounds aren't filling up. 

So you have food becoming harder to buy for a plethora of reasons.  You have gas becoming to pricey to drive anymore than you have to.  What is the plan here?  Sending more money to overseas?  We are not the worlds bank.  They have other neighbors with a far more vested interest in their sovereignty, why are we the only fools stepping up and why isn't being voted on by we the people - we are in a crisis of our own and our government seems to keep turning a blind eye to it.  Having stupid trials clogging the airspace to distract you?  Seriously, I couldn't care the least about Johnny and Amber.  Anymore than I cared about Ben and Jennifer or Brad and the other Jennifer, or well any of that stupid Hollywood crap.  Stuff leaking out of the Supreme Court to stir up more anxiety and drama?  

What are we being distracted from? What are they trying to accomplish?  Because frankly, I don't think our beautiful country has many more days left.  I am fearful that we the masses have become uneducated, uninformed controlled asses (sorry for my bluntness).  We are not taking care of our own responsibilities, we are allowing a detached and single focused group to control everything.  

I'm tired of watching this.  I'm tired of lifting everything up to God and expecting to have the change we need.  God is there, but we are expected to lift the weight, we have to actually participate in the solution.  It isn't going to be handed to us on a silver platter. 

Sorry if this feels like a rant.  It is a rant.  I'm tired of the massive fear mongering, I'm tired of the "well there is nothing we can do mentality".  I am tired of everyone waiting around for someone to save them.  

I don't think anyone is going to save us.  We have to do it ourselves. 

There are many recipes out there for solutions to the baby formula crisis.  Goats milk, recipes, etc.  Prior to the inception of mass production formula, people fed their babies.  Not every mother nursed for whatever reason.  Babies weren't dying of starvation.  Some of the comments I read broke my heart into a million pieces.  I understand medically fragile babies.  I truly do.  But for the most part, we have been programmed that if we don't do what the nice pediatricians and three letter groups say our babies will die horrible deaths. 

I didn't nurse my eldest, my mom told me I was too nervous to do it and I believed her.  I was a young mom and didn't have a wealth of knowledge to lean into.  The stuff you don't learn in the education system is vast.  She was on formula until about 3 months old, when the extreme projectile vomiting started I took her off of it and just used good old cows milk.  Surprisingly, much to the dismay of the pediatrician, the vomiting stopped and she thrived. 

My youngest was nursed.  He refused a bottle, wouldn't even remotely consider it. Even when it was filled with breast milk and we tried every available nipple on those bottles. The pediatrician informed me he was simply spoiled and would eat if he got hungry enough.  I was absolutely appalled, I asked her if that was the method she used with her babies.  Her answer... I don't have children and don't want any.  The fact that he is 31 years old and I can remember the conversation as clearly as it just happened should tell you the impact it had.  At seven months old that sweet boy weaned himself and switched over to using a sippy cup, mostly filled with "bubble water" because he loved it so much.  FYI - he also thrived. 

Karo disturbs me... but... 

There are ways to work around almost anything.  Maybe the government isn't going to approve of it, but let's be honest, I can't be the only one feeling like the government does not even remotely have our best interests at heart. 

1942 canning book... 

I am not going to allow myself to linger in these defeatist thoughts for long.  I am going to lean into the knowledge and the ingenuity of my ancestors and those that walked this path the last time it happened.  Is it more work, of course it is.  Is it worth it, you better believe it. I can't play in this playground that is being created for us, it goes against who I am as a human. 

Together we will make it.  The division that keeps getting stirred up, the haves and have nots being created, the "sections" - anyone else starting to feel like they are in a bad version of the hunger games?

Okay, I know that I am not in a clear head-space. I know I could go on for hours pleading with folks to pay attention, to step out into nature, turn off the "tell a vision" and to focus your heart on what is important. So instead of beating my own drum loudly enough to deafen others, I am going to instead focus on that drums rhythm and do the work needed for me and mine. 

love and peace...

keeping busy....

I am definitely having a rough time getting motivated to do anything this morning.  The pups are doing so good and I believe they are letting me know that the vet said 7 - 10 days and it's been 8.  Yesterday they helped each other remove their collars (they even hid one under the middle of a sofa) and were rough housing like the babies they are - all because I dared grab a quick shower while they napped.  The house is once again filled with shredded toys and they are eating like food is going out of style.  My babies are definitely not tiny any longer. 

It's the strangest thing.  Since their spay/neuter both puppies are far more loving.  Beau is even worse than Belle for needing to be right near us if not sleeping on us.  We must have bodies touching.  Both of them have discovered that recliners provide a great extension to mom and dad's laps and have an overwhelming need to sit with us in them.  I'm currently typing with my arms stretched out over my almost 50 lb lap puppy, as he gently snores in my lap.  It's actually a bit humorous. I'm waiting for the other one to decide that she needs to climb up here also. She usually lays on my legs, he refuses to give up the prime spot on my hips and stomach. I hate to bother them once they get comfy, it makes me sad to wake them.  Although I am not altogether sure there is anything normal about this, I sure do love the love that they give so generously. 

These unseasonal weather spikes are wearing me out, I am absolutely not a fan.  It is supposed to hit 92 today, I am not ready for such a strong weather swing. YUCK!  It was only in the 60's not even a week ago.  I don't supposed I'd loathe the heat so much if it didn't come with so much humidity. It's like a giant energy zapper. And I am absolutely not about energy zapping. When it's like this I find I often get low grade headaches and an overwhelming desire to sleep or fight the sleepiness all day. 

I have a lot to do today, I need to harvest a bunch of jalapeno's, I'm not sure if I want to pickle them, ferment them or make cowboy candy.  If I make the cowboy candy it will be for gifts, that is far too much sugar for us, and I'm not sure that a sugar substitute would work. Although it is one of my favorite treats. I'm also going to try my hand at fermenting today, I am officially going to make some sauerkraut.  It's been on my I want to try list for a really long time, and I have decided that I am finally going to take the plunge. 

I made sugar free ketchup yesterday, both of my taste testers loved it. In fact, I am fairly certain that Hubs will not be opening the store bought one after the one in the fridge is done.  The fragrance that filled the house was incredible, I chose to follow the recipe from 1943, but used 1/2 the recommended sugar and replaced it with Bocha Sweet - a sugar sub made from pumpkins. I averaged it to about fifty cents a jar.  That compared to the $6.74 I just paid for the same size bottle with questionable ingredients made the 3 hours well worth it.  Especially as over 2 of those hours were no active on my part. 

I spent $20 for 50 lbs of tomatoes.  I have made so much out of those boxes of tomatoes.  Oven roasted marinara, spaghetti meat sauce, salsa, ketchup, pizza sauce, and tomato juice.  I currently have one batch of cores and peels included in the broth that is cooking in the slow cooker and have multiple bags frozen at this time. 

I don't think I'd call me a prepper, although that is Hubs current term of choice.  I think my thriftiness would rather spend a bit of the time I have available creating yummy foods and saving a ton of money.  If I can even find what I am in search of.  Not to mention, it is taking a bit of my time now, but it is the ultimate in fast food once it's put up.  Because of the time I am putting in right now, I can whip up dinners in no time at all.  And when we are going camping I don't have to spend hours cooking in the day or so before.  I can go to my pantry and pull out whatever I think we will like and be on the way. 

To me it just feels like a better way to prepare meals.  Eliminating the chemicals and yuck that I don't want as part of our diet. Doing so may ultimately lead to a wider variety of foods in our diets. 

That and I am addicted to that sweet little ping that comes as the jar seals. I admit it, I'm an addict. 

Today I am also going to play with my dehydrator a bit more.  Hubs bought me a new one for mother's day, I've had my older ones for almost 20 years now and I still love them, but find them a bit limiting.  I will still keep them, they are incredible tools for making puppy treats, but the new one is easier to use, as if that was even possible. I am going to try some grain free cracker recipes today.  We love to have a nice charcuterie tray and crackers are definitely a plus.  These ones fit dietary requirements. Thankfully, dehydrating simply requires me to mix it and forget it. I will spend a few minutes prepping and then I will move on with my day for the next 6 - 8 hours.  Sounds perfect to me.  

I need to harvest a few more radishes and then I need to plant 4 tomato plants.  I need to plant the celery that I am re-growing from the core of 3 others.  They are doing fantastic and I am almost afraid to take them out of the cups they are in.  I have never had success with celery before and I am actually a bit stunned that they have taken off.  I've been doing some research and it sounds like they are definitely fans of indirect sun and soggy soil, so I can't mix them with anything else in the garden.  I was hoping to put them all in single planter, but that also sounds like it might be a challenge.  They are definitely an experiment that is thriving. 

I'm also going to try to get my lilac bushes planted today.  Hubs has been watering the hill a lot this week to encourage the grass to grow, as a result the area I need to work in is very wet and slipper.  So we will see, I'm also going to order my raised beds for the lower side of that wall.  

I just saw another alert that for the third month Abbot Labs is shut down with the FDA not willing to allow them to reopen.  Seems like a rather minor issue, right? Unfortunately, they are the largest producer of baby formula in our country.  If I had a baby dependent on formula right now, I would be hopping mad.  I worry about my great nephew, he is far too medically fragile to not have just the right mix to thrive. Not every momma can breastfeed for a plethora of reasons.  I am terrified about what this means for babies.  I am not looking for haters, but I frankly feel that solving formula issues in our country is of far greater concern to me as an American than sending money to a country half way around the globe.  I am getting a bit pissed off for lack of a better way to say it. 

When are we going to take care of those in our own country.  We are not the babysitters of the world. I am all about helping people to be self-sufficient, to move away from big agriculture, big pharma, big financial, big... well big everything.  I would love to live in a world not controlled to the degree that it is by people and entities that don't have the people of the worlds best interest at heart. Plain and simple. I am worried for these babies.  I am worried about the insanity of everything that is going on.  As I said to a friend of mine this morning if this were a movie, and I were forced to rate it on a scale of 1 - 5, I would definitely give it a one because I can't go any lower. 

I think honing my own skills is how I am dealing with the insanity that is feeling very overwhelming at this time.  I can't control the world.  Heck, I can't control anything outside of my own front door.  But dang it, I can control some of the things surrounding me. 

Speaking of control... it's after 8 am and I need to get busy...

love and peace...