Hubs had mowed our yard right before the storm rolled in. In fact he also mowed the neighbors, mainly because he was simply tired of looking at the almost knee high grass. They are in the process of moving, not that that is a reason for not mowing, in fact the not mowing is pretty much normal. Hubs doesn't always step in and do that, who am I kidding, he does it more often than not. He is a giver, even if the gift is simply his time. He will shovel walks in the winter, rake leaves in the fall, the only thing I am fairly positive I have never seen him do is weed flowerbeds. He isn't that much of a giver. Shoot come to think of it, I can't really remember his ever weeding our garden beds, I think we have discovered a task that he does not like to do.
It's been busy morning, as Monday's usually are, so I've spent some time in reflection while doing my chores. Our pastor's message really got me to thinking. Shoot, most of his messages do. I feel that I have finally found a place I am supposed to be. I am willingly finding myself joining into groups, giving of my time and energy without even being asked. I leave each gathering feeling like I have become part of something pure and fulfilling, can't say that has been my usual experience at a variety of different church homes.
I am not sure what he intended for us to get out of his message. Yet so much of it tied in with where my thoughts and energy have been flowing lately. As he talked about faith and believing without seeing I found myself leaning forward on the edge of my seat. This pastor is very animated and uses many of your senses to draw you into a place of understanding.
Yesterday he talked about faith falls or trust falls (probably something most folks are familiar with). As he asked if any of us had ever done them, I raised my hand. I worked for a long time in the not for profit field, unlike for profit businesses they spend a great deal of time and energy on team building and such. Oh yeah, I've done more than my share of trust falls.
It was when he asked if we'd ever been dropped or dropped someone, that I sat for a moment, not brave enough to raise my hand. What if I was the only person that had been dropped? Or hadn't been strong enough to help keep someone from falling to the ground? I sat uncomfortably for a moment, remembering a time close about 17 or so years ago. I came into a new position, replacing a untrustworthy supervisor, leading a damaged team. My new boss felt having a team building day was going to be the perfect solution. The leader of our experiment felt a trust fall would be a wonderful activity.
One of the more damaged of the team members had a very different idea on the subject. I had caught each of them, even the ones I wasn't sure I was strong enough to catch, I refused to allow myself to let any of them down. As it became my turn, I felt a strong hesitancy, I wasn't sure it was a good decision. The team had been hurt badly by the previous leader and they frankly didn't know me at all.
I can assure you moments before I hit the ground I heard the strongest voice in the group say, nope, I ain't catching her. I admit that for a few years that definitely tarnished our relationship. We ultimately healed it and she ended up one of my favorite team members, but we definitely had a rocky start. I was very thankful for the soft grass that I landed in.
As I looked around the room yesterday, I finally raised my hand. I wasn't alone, several other folks had also raised theirs. He went on to ask us if we trusted in the Lord with an unflinching passion. When that soft voice told us what to do, where to go, or to simply have a leap of faith did we? Or do we stop every few moments and question?
We are human. Of course we question. I have kept myself back from many opportunities and paths. Simply out of fear, out of a lack of blind faith and trust. Anyone else? Surely I am not alone. There were other messages included, I admit to getting hung up on that particular part. Am I brave enough to trust with wild abandon? I am not sure if I am or not, what I am sure is that I am brave enough to work on it.
The second part of the day included a welcome luncheon. An opportunity for us to learn more about the church and the people. I had already done a great deal of research so the meat of it wasn't really new information. The part that stuck with me hard, yes God I was listening, was a simple two word phrase.
Be First.
How simple is that? Be first. As a natural introvert, I often find myself sitting in the corner and observing. Happy to be on the outside and not making waves. Shoot I have attended churches in the past where six months later I'm still being asked if it's my first visit, by folks that have been sitting in the same pew that I am in. I don't tend to get too worked up about that, but often feel like I don't belong.
I was joking with pastor afterwards and said I guess that message was for me. It sure felt like it. It felt like God was personally telling me I needed to be the first one to say hello and introduce myself. That by doing so I would open doors and also my heart.
Anyone else holding back waiting for someone else to make the first move?
My mind has been fully engaged since the messages yesterday. Do I have enough faith? Am I mature enough to be first? I guess we will see... Definitely homework assignments were handed out - deep reflection and action are required.
Well, I've spent too much time resting and writing this morning. I have much to do and time vicious when you waste it!
love and prayers...
Good one! 381+
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