forward...

I'm sitting here in the early morning dim, with my leg wrapped in my heating pad (I assure you an hour is a long time), semi-watching @create on PBS and semi-surfing Facebook and cleaning out my email. I've determined it isn't just Hubs that gets tired sitting in this recliner, my eyes get heavy every time I sit down. Unfortunately, it's the easiest way to heat my leg. 

As I am doing all these random things while sitting here, I just had the thought pop into my head that "I don't need it".  Have you ever noticed how many ads you receive in a few moments of time on every externally driven platform that surrounds you?  I have cleaned out 32 ads in the past 40 minutes.  There are probably more sitting in my inbox now.  Everyone is sure they have something I want or need.  Something I cannot live without at a great price. Oh goodness. 

I don't need it.  The more I am home and able to simply do, the less I feel like trading hours of my life for stuff.  Stuff that I don't truly need or even want.  I am finding so much joy in the simpler things, my house is full of stuff that I was sure I would need at some point in time.  As I have grown as a person that spends a great deal of time away from media of any kind, I have left those kind of thoughts behind. 

I find myself simply grateful for what I have. 

As I was hit by that thought, I also started pondering why.  I understand that is how people make a living, that is how the workers are paid, etc.  But it led me back to questioning if things could be different. If we weren't constantly being led to purchase things, would we have more of our life and time back?  Would we be led back to enjoying the simpler things in life.  

Yes I realize this is an ironic thought from someone that is working on starting their own business, one that creates items for people to purchase. I am in the process of developing a web-page and putting things together.  It makes me wonder, am I on a journey to become another widget maker?  Another person selling something that people crave, but don't need?

Or am I looking at consumerism all wrong?  

If you've read my blog for a while you probably know that I am a tad old-fashioned.  That I believe we are losing too many of the skills that serve us.  I could easily live on a homestead, well semi-easily, I don't have some of the skills needed and would still rely on a farmer for some of our food.  I would easily be able to take care of chickens for eggs, I could create our bedding and household goods.  I know that I could build furnishings and maintain our home. I would have no problems creating my own cleaning products or meeting our seasonal needs.  I know that I would be a very happy person in that environment. 

Where I am not happy is more in the overwhelming feeling that comes with a lot of base consumerism.  The mass produced items that we are continually invited to over indulge and will ultimately dispose of, possibly unused or unneeded. 

Maybe my "I don't need this" mentality has more to do with that.  I can shop for hours in antique stores, of course I will pay for it later., darn mold and dust.  I am a huge fan of reusing and re-purposing.  My entire dining room has come into existence this way.  I love the joy of saving something old, the feeling of bringing it back to life.  

I will spend weeks creating a hand knit scarf for someone and never think twice about the time it took. And if it is from a repurposed item (like the silk that I currently working with) or handspun - all the better.  I pray with each stitch that the person I am gifting will cherish it and respect the love that went into it. Yet, if I have to go to a department store and look for a scarf... oh just shoot me in advance, I am going to hate it, be repulsed by any cost and never be truly happy with the ending purchase.  Let it be factory made in another country and I will be in an even greater funk. 

As I have started working on the featherweight and other vintage machines bringing these beautiful antiques back to a functional existence, my desire to own a new modern machine for any purpose has diminished.  I have wanted a true long arm for what feels like an eternity. Now, I wonder.  I am questioning that purchase.  Do I truly need it for my vision?  Is it the path I want to invest in?  

I worry that we have given away our drive and desire to take care of our own needs.  That we have become consumers and just consumers.  That we have stopped living with the intention to "use it up, use it out, make it do or do without".  That we have been programmed to live in a disposable society, always wanting or needing more.  I watch it all around me constantly, heck there are times that we are simply just as guilty.  Yet, I strive to do better.  I don't want mass produced.  I want unique, I want things that me or my loved ones want or need.  Things that have a value be it in beauty, usefulness or need. Not an ad telling me how much it is needed. 

And more importantly, I want things that I need to come from "the little man".  I am afraid that the way our economy is going we are going to move very quickly into that old way of life, and that as we do, we will have many in our communities that will have no idea what to do. We have gotten too comfortable, we have forgotten. 

I know what I am feeling, it's that I don't need mass produced crap.  I don't want to be just like everyone else, I don't want everything to be "alike".  I want to support small businesses.  I want to support those that support me and my loved ones.  I cannot wait to return to a small town about an hour away that is completely focused on this mentality.

I am moving into a different phase in life.  Or maybe I am returning to an old phase of life, one that worked better, one that benefited people in a far more direct way.  From many different perspectives.  

I feel strongly about this.  I want to become a part of a more traditional society.  A place and time where we work to support each other, not a faceless entity we've never even met.

I long for a town that has individual shops, where we purchase what we need from the producer of the product, were we eliminate the middle men. I would love to be able to purchase my fabrics from a mill, my food from the butcher or farmer.  Fresh made cheese by an artisan of old, yes please.  Is there a carpenter out there that is making beautiful furniture that can last a lifetime or more?  Or is there someone that is focused on salvaging the past to move it forward into the future.  

Can we possibly even change how we purchase? Although the money thing is a totally different conversation. But imagine, if our needs were met by trading our skills and our talents... oh my!

Can I please have my stuff made without toxic preservatives?  Can we stop being a use and lose it society? 

Can we move back to a simpler, yet busier time.  Ironically, we had more freedom back then, we had more of who we are as humans. Ironically, we are too busy doing things that don't serve us to move backwards, without effort. 

I'm in a very strange space, my thoughts are becoming clearer regarding many things.  This journey is very eye opening and enlightening.  I am sure I will have people walk away from me on this journey, I'll be sorry for their loss.  I feel that I am walking the path laid out for me.  I feel strongly that I need to walk backwards to move forwards.  I need to cut ties to some of what we have been conditioned to believe is the only way. 

Onward...