Maybe it was all of this and so much more. I'm in a nostalgic mood this morning. This year has been the ultimate roller coaster. And where we are right now is exhausting. So many feelings and emotions are swirling, not just in our own country, but globally.
As I was pouring the wax into the little jars that I found for candles, with the smell of a crisp evergreen forest swirling all around me, I glanced out the window. The sky has lightened and the storm I've been listening to with occasional flashes of lightening is now exposed. The beautiful colors of fall have faded away, the few remaining leaves with the exception of the purple/red of the Japanese Maple out front have all turned a dark brown. Clinging hopelessly waiting for the final wind that will rip them away. Falling to the ground to finish their life cycle, becoming first a place for a variety of larvae to nest until spring and finally to serve as fertilizer for the spring rebirth.
The smell of the wood fire, mixed with evergreen has Christmas carols playing in my head. Day dreaming of the upcoming holiday and how different it will be. I woke this morning from a dream where I was making Christmas lists, too bad I couldn't remember what I had written, it seemed like a great list. Thought and care going into exactly what we wanted to give to each person.
I find myself sliding deeper and deeper into the core of who I am. I don't agree with much that is going on in the world right now. I fear we are being lied to on a grand scale. I don't know. But I have no faith or trust. The only faith and trust I have rests with God. I know that things are happening according to his plan and I need to simply pray and rest in that knowledge.
This is what is drawing me back I feel. That wax pouring reminded me so much of Christmas as a child. I don't remember what state we lived in or how old I was. I remember all of us girls with Mom and Dad making Christmas candles. There were evergreen trees that we carefully put whipped wax on to look like fallen snow. It seems they may have had glitter sprinkled on top, but I can't see them in my mind's eye that clearly. I remember the Santa ones, climbing into the chimney, colored red with the whipped wax for his beard, the snow and fur on his suit. I remember pouring candles, laughter and love. We were never rich in dollars, but boy oh boy we were rich in love!
The candles that are cooling now are ear-marked to send the boy and his girl. I am going to go down shortly and find the box of his ornaments. I think it is still separate. Although I'm not sure. Last year when we put the tree up he wanted them on the tree and when I said should I box them for you to take home, he hadn't wanted that. He was not planning to spend Christmas at their home. But 2020 has changed that.
I want to make sure he has some of the magic that makes Christmas special for them.
This is the first Christmas that I am struggling with gifts and ideas. So many are struggling on different levels. My heart says stay practical. Make it something to cherish. Make it something that is needed. A few things made for some, a few things that have been found in many places. No clutter or waste. Some treasures of love and time, wrapped up in memories to share.
Gee that doesn't sound intimidating at all does it?
The embers of my fire are almost gone, the coffee is getting cold. I heard the laundry ding, and I am sure my wax is just about ready to check on. I have soaps waiting for attention and chores to complete. I want to finish up the stuff to mail and check in with the girl to see if she came up with any ideas for the day tomorrow (this rain is supposed to pass). I need to figure out what my contribution to Thanksgiving will be - since I am the difficult one to feed. I have scarf's needing blocked and a few other projects to work on. We need to get wedding cards to celebrate family and friends and have gifts to wrap and send.
Why is it that the week seems to stretch out forever, yet the weekend get shorter and shorter.
This year has changed so much for everyone. For us personally, it's been huge! And most of it has not been gloom and doom. As I travel down this path of nostalgia today, I think the greatest gift it has given me is gratitude. 2020 has been an absolute b$tch. She has rocked us all to our very core. But as we stand up, dust ourselves off and move forward - I'm thankful! I'm thankful for family, I'm thankful for the lessons of gratitude and praise, I am thankful for all of the exciting changes and blessings that have entered our lives. Yep, Hubs and I are very blessed!
I am thankful!!
Good one 381+
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