When I switched Y's a few months ago one of my dearest friends gave me a candle and a small poster - it hangs where I can see it every day... it reminds me that we are not human doings we are human beings. That simply line has been a beacon for me this year, I just didn't know it at the time.
Hubs got me a new Chromebook for Christmas - it has tons of neat features, probably the best is that I can turn it into a full screen for watching video or make it into a tablet. Initially I was upset. I am on a journey to more me time and my brain freaked out - I immediately went down the path of work. I didn't want to go there. So I didn't. I am refusing to even open my work email on my precious Chromebook. It is strictly for me. For my journey. I have a work laptop, it is with me most of the time. This is for me.
Sitting here listening to my wind chimes and enjoying the mix of my candles, Christmas lights, and Dad's globe, I feel peaceful. I don't feel hurried or rushed, I simply feel peace.
I have been craving peace for quite some time without truly realizing it. I don't think my mind made the connection between the things I was doing and searching for even if my heart and sub-conscious self had. As I have been scrambling for time to do the things that center me, that calm me, and feeling more frantic by the moment, my heart was trying to make my over busy mind slow down. To take stock of where I needed to be.
I am a human being. I will only get one chance to live this life, and frankly I want to live it on my terms. Hubs and I have both said many times lately "remember when we could afford this", "remember how we used to spend our time", "remember making all of our gifts at Christmas"... the list has gotten rather long and distinguished.
Those of you that read my blog know that I have been neglecting it. Along with most everything important to me as a person for far too long. I've toyed with tucking it away with the rest of my untouched treasures and joys. In fact I have almost stopped completely numerous times. I have simply felt too overwhelmed with life. Too twisted up in the external that I completely ignored the internal.
This "vacation" has been what I needed. For the first time in a very long time I feel calm and centered. A holiday season that I was dreading has been almost life giving. Hubs and I have completely thrown all of our traditions in the air like confetti and simply been.
We split up the gifting time with our children to work around their scheduled trip, tomorrow will find the joy of Christmas morning returning to our home, and our daughter's. As we will celebrate once again upon their return.
We chose to celebrate our Christmas on the 24th, so that we had a time for just us. To share the treasures that we had carefully selected and wrapped for each other. In our comfy pj's, sipping our coffee and enjoying the fire in the fireplace. It was beautiful.
Then we packed up our little car - loaded to the absolute edges - added our precious fur babies and headed "home" for Christmas. I'm not from Arkansas, it has never been my home. But it is where my Mom is... so it is home! Such a joyous time. I missed my baby sister and her family, but truly enjoyed the time spent with my other two sisters and the kids that came. My nephew always manages to show up when I go home. I cherish that. He has held my heart strong since he was a little guy, he radiates love and one of his hugs will hold you for a year or more. I delighted in giving his boys their gifts and they definitely were the life of the party as they enjoyed them.
Tomorrow we will start again. The kids will be home by the afternoon. I am sure they will be exhausted. But they will be home! I've missed them something terrible. And Facebook has been a blessing and a curse all at once. Seeing them enjoying themselves has been bittersweet. I want them to have an amazing time with their Dad, I want them to enjoy life to the fullest, but the childish side of me wants them here with me. The baby sister and family will join us tomorrow. The third sister and family will too. Both of the grandson's will be present and it will be a time of love and joy. It isn't about the gifts. It's about being present.
I've deliberately focused on hearth and home. I've been creating the life I have been pushing aside. I've been bringing back those "remember when" moments.
When I selected gifts this year, with care and love, I inadvertently selected hygge gifts for most everyone. Things that would provide something more to life than clutter and stuff. Needed items, things to occupy the hours and hands and fill the heart calm.
The more I learn about hygge (hoo ga) the more I realize that it has always been a part of who I am at my very core. I just didn't realize it. I am not done with that journey, I need to dive in deeper. I need to bring more of it back to who I am and where I am needing to go. It's more than comfy woolen socks or a marketing ploy - which I have noticed some of the businesses are trying to make it. It's far deeper than anything that money can buy. In fact, it's not about money at all.
I feel 2019 is going to be an incredible year. I like the path my heart is leading me to follow. For weeks now I have been creating again. I haven't spent every waking hour consumed by work, I can't do that any longer. I've been creating soft spaces, I'm starting to cook again, I'm watching shows with my sweet Hubs and I'm excited for long walks in the crisp air with him.
I think I have finally found my personal path to balance. I feel like I am going in the right direction. I am learning things that bring me joy. I am surrounding myself with energy enhancing people and experiences. I am getting back to who I am at my center.
I'm not a big fan of New Year's Resolutions - I feel they set you up for failure and disappointment. Another friend asked about New Years Intentions - I felt I liked that more, but I feel that personally, I will use my new year as a chance to reset. This time away has been just what the doctor ordered. My headaches are fading, and while the muscle pain is still pretty strong - it is mellowing.
Candles, fireplaces, soft woolen threads and wooden needles. Calm, family, friends, quiet and more. This journey of mine finally feels right.
I am challenging everyone I know to light the candles, read the books, lounge around in your cozy pj's or sweats or whatever makes you happy. Create if your soul calls for it, enjoy family and friends without the phone or device in your hands. Laugh and make make memories, and hold on tight to those "remember when" moments, while making even more of them each day. Cook dinner at home, listen with your heart and simply be present in life. We are all human BEINGS - we do best when we are being.
Now keep it going....
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