Somehow I turned 61, I flew back home, spent time with loved ones, talked to the wee hours, laughed about the strangest things. Explored a lake filled with giant carp and the ducks and geese that walk on their backs, spent hours tasting chocolate - Pennsylvania you are amazing! Visited all the surrounding communities, the Amish shops, End of the Commons. All the little towns from my childhood zipped past as we explored.
It was like looking at a kaleidoscope and turning it faster and faster trying to make it all line up.
One day was wide open in the morning so my uncle took me to Cleveland to explore the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. We were the only two without plans that day.
I had so much fun learning to ride a 4 wheeler and exploring my aunt and uncle's farm. Without a moments hesitancy I could move up to the small area they live in. My soul felt pure peace out there. The beauty, the calmness - yup I was definitely day dreaming a lot. I loved feeding the cats, staring at the cows (definitely reminded me of living in Washington and taking care of the cows), the ducks and chicken... Yeah, I could so have loved that kind of life.
I spent hours visiting my other uncle at the VA, I was blessed to have some incredible conversations and alone time with him. My aunt let me know that he had been wanting a new quilt. So I asked him what he'd like. He definitely had some great ideas and I was excited to get home and start on it. The Erie VA is incredible! I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't what I found. I'm still exploring the change that it created in my spirit, the people were so kind, so loving and attentive. I worked in a senior center a long, long time ago. It scarred me. Deeply. This experience was healing. Being a veteran caused damage that will never be repaired, but the respect, care and dignity given to him and the rest of the veteran's living there was beautiful. It gave me hope.
I spent time bumming around Edinboro and surrounding areas with my cousin on our cousins day! We are significantly apart in years... I mean she was less than 5 when I got married the first time and she was at my wedding. But we are so much alike in many, many ways. Getting to know her as an adult was great! We explored all kinds of shops - hippie, chocolate, community markets - with only local goods (OMGEEEE!). I might have teased her for putting our day together via AI - but dang, AI did a great job planning it out. Which is downright scary.
I saw family that I barely remembered. I visited places that sparked incredible memories. Dusty and vague now, but incredible just the same. My aunt and uncle took me to the peninsula, past places that actually seemed smaller in my memories, Ashtabula, Conneaut, Edinboro, Mesopotamia, Albion, and of course Erie. We spent time walking through so many neat shops, farmers stands, Amish markets, Amish furniture stores that made Walmart look tiny.
I finally got to meet some folks that were literally just names to me. Parts of my family, but ones I wasn't sure I'd ever met. Now that I have, what a great group of people to be connected to. Being a military brat, your roots are sometimes splintered and vague - names and memories that are there only because of the verbal stories.
Most importantly we spent time together. There is never enough time and those days flew past in a blur. I came home with more chocolate than any human needs - thankfully it wasn't all for me, a ton of recipes and pictures. But mostly a full heart. Overflowing with love and joy from spending time with the people that helped shape who I am, that continue to do so. I had a blast laughing with mom, watching her meld back into her family as if she'd never been away. The trip was far too short for all the reconnecting.
And to think I almost didn't go. Straight up to the morning we left I almost cancelled.
On my birthday, as we came home from voting we decided to stop for a coffee, Hubs had a few minutes to spare before he headed off to work. Needless to say, we should have skipped it. Leaving the parking lot an older gentleman thought he should try driving on the wrong side of the road. We weren't in danger, but Hubs was looking down as I stopped the car to avoid being hit. He looked up in time to see the car almost hitting us and flinched. HARD! He brought his shoulder up in an abrupt manner that caused him severe pain. To the point that he jumped out of the car holding his arm.
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We spent the majority of the day at the Emergency room. Without answers, other than, referral to orthopedic, a sling, lots of pain meds and no work until they could figure it out. He is still working on healing, over a month later. We have answers now, sort of. Tomorrow we finally will meet the surgeon and schedule surgery. He has complete tears to 3 of 4 of the tendons in his rotator cuff, and to quote the doctor the 4th one is really pissed off.
It was so bad that he didn't even get to celebrate my birthday, he stayed home sleeping while my girls and I went out. We painted pottery and ate even more chocolate - yep that was definitely the theme for August - lots of chocolate. But we did bring him home some.
Less than a week before we were supposed to leave it felt like the wheels were definitely coming off the bus. Not to mention the usual chaos of getting ready for a trip. I had to also plan meals etc for a Hubs that couldn't use his dominate arm and whose left arm isn't strong due to an injury decades ago. Yikes! My stress was way out of control. Mentally, I think I shut down anything that wasn't needed to actually function and pull off the trip.
I spent that short bit of time arguing with myself about the wisdom of my trip, the timing, the necessity of staying home and caring for Hubs and the pups. Hating myself for feeling so selfish, because I had been looking forward to it and really wanted to go.
I'd finally decided I was going to go, I'd just be a stressed out wreck the entire time. I wanted to take the trip with mom, I knew in my heart they would be okay, even if my mind was creating tons of worst case scenarios. Knowing if I absolutely had to I could rent a car and be home within 10 hours.
I dealt with the stress in the only normal way a woman should and chopped 10 inches of hair clean off!
I packed the night before, yeah, I'm organized like that. It was hot, I didn't sleep great. I was anxious about flying, not a fan. I was a bit stressed about the situations I was leaving behind, but still okay.
I got up, made coffee, quietly moving through my final preparations to leave in a few short hours. Beau and Belle came down, bouncing and excited, I was getting ready to run to the bank to grab a bit more cash, so I decided to take them with me. I figured they would love a short walk in the beautiful sunshine, I knew Hubs would not be able to take them while I was gone.
Sitting in the drive up lane, I heard him making weird noises behind me, it looked like he'd thrown up, I was a bit stunned. So I pulled over to walk them on the sidewalk and let him get fresh air. Nope, he hadn't thrown up. He was having breakthrough seizures. Focal/facial thankfully not grand mal.
I finally managed to get him back in the car, get them home and call the emergency vet. VEG is incredible and so very, very helpful. They talked me through giving him extra kepra, I talked to both my daughter and best friend, I arranged back up on back up for Hubs. If Beau had needed the vet there was no way he was getting him there. I was absolutely terrified.
Two hours until leaving, my boy had 5 seizures. The extra kepra worked. It stopped them, it calmed him. I was an absolute nervous wreak, but I got on the plane. I had back ups for Beau, back ups to take care of Hubs appointments. I was simply going to have to deal with it all from PA.
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I still question the wisdom of getting on the plane, although everyone survived and the world didn't stop. Hmmm.... oldest daughter anxiety was strong that week!
Coming home, I stepped back into all the things I had left sitting as I traveled. Adding to it I have been adjusting to my daily routine changing while Hubs is at home and healing. I am definitely a creature of habit and it threw my entire schedule out the window, my core was struggling for a bit.
House is caught up, gardens and yard took a few more days - ugghhh it was freaking hot, I spent a few days regrouping and simply crocheting and knitting (I was working on my birthday sweater from Hubs and it provided me with an anchor - something I need during changes), taking Hubs to an assortment of appointments and navigating our new normal for this season.
After I got myself organized, I ordered all the supplies to make my uncle his quilt, as soon as it arrived I got busy. I am beyond pleased with it, he has an amazing sense of color, whether he knew it or not. Everything worked together and within a week it was made and mailed, UPS got it there with almost overnight speed - even though I sent it basic. And the pictures and phone call had me in tears. I am so blessed to have been able to make it for him.
Today, I am enjoying the cool morning, sipping coffee and feeling like life is finally in a bit of order. Last night I got an order for a custom quilt for another veteran. I can't wait to start it. I love puzzles and creating a quilt from someone's memory is the ultimate puzzle.
Tomorrow, there will be more answers, a more solid time line. A better sense of what the future holds and how long these changes will be a part of our current season in time. Stress is a bit more controlled, Hubs is in less pain - sort of - maybe he's just learning what not to do to avoid extreme pain. He's currently home, they can't accommodate his restrictions, it's starting to fall into an even flow. Beau has been doing well, since his breakthrough. We are navigating other things that this injury has brought forward. We will solve all of it, we always do.
For now, birthday sweater finished, another one started. Gardens cared for and harvest is being processed. The leaves area starting to fall, the Earth's season is starting to change, our season is too.
Missed ya'll...
much love, b
Good one! 381+
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