resting...

It's been a lazy morning for the Hubs and the Pups.  We decided to pop down to Arkansas to surprise Mom.  Couldn't do it on her actual birthday, but a few days late just extends the celebration.  We still think we are in our mid to late twenties evidently, as we opted to squish it all into two days.  With a pup that hasn't done a long trip since being diagnosed with epilepsy. Whew, what a trip!  The journey down was a bit long, Beau hadn't quite figured out how to keep from feeling out of sorts, so we made a TON of stops.  Let him reset his balance and run it all out.  

They loved all the new spots, the runs and especially their aunt's huge fenced backyard.  Beau was excited to meet the Danes and really wanted to play.  Belle, was beyond terrified.  Lil' Miss Toughie isn't so tough when the pups are more than twice her size.  She didn't even want to bark at them, choosing instead to stay close by mom or dad.

In 48 hours we drove a little over 600 miles, saw most of our Arkansas family, loved on the littles, pet the ducks and watched chickens. Visited every state park and rest stop between us and Little Rock and had a blast!

One sister and hubs let us stay in their camper, eliminating the need to find a hotel that will allow my big babies.  It was so much less stressful and allowed for an incredible visit.  We were able to sit around and chat, laugh and commiserate over life in general.  We talked about crocheting and finding patterns and ideas while watching the pups romp and our Hubs visited with each other. We were blessed to be able to spend time with mom to celebrate her and to catch up in person, share a few hugs and I love you's. Then off to the other sister and her hubs. Where we shared time with most of their grands (our great nephews are so fun!), their chicks and hens with more chatting and laughing.  The youngest grand is hysterical and entertained us with his animal impersonations and his incredible three year old knowledge of dinosaurs. It was wonderful. 

Through it all we forgot to take pictures, we were simply wrapped up in living in the moment.  I have to admit, I think I enjoy that a million times more than snapping away.  I cherished the time, the conversations, and the laughter.  The hugs even from the older kiddos were warm and genuine. 

While we were in Arkansas, I shared some seeds with my niece, sister and mom.  It was so nice to share the bounty of my garden with theirs.  They will be able to plant sooner than I will, I truly hope they all grow into something beautiful and/or they produce lots of bounty for their meals. 

It was such a welcome change.  We haven't been doing many spontaneous things lately.  I guess life has just been getting in the way of living.  I was beyond exhausted from the trip and was in bed the moment Beau had his bedtime meds almost 10 hours later, I am full of energy and ready to tackle the world. 

So while Hubs and the pups are snoozing, I got a few things off my to do list.  

Comparatively it is so cold here, yesterday we sat outside with our coffee watching the pups play, today, I slowly opened the door trying to avoid the arctic blast of cold air.  Outside tasks will definitely be waiting.  At least until after lunch.  I believe it should be above freezing by then.  

Instead, I worked on planning out the side yard transition.  I can already smell the lavender I am going to plant and see the brightness and beauty of the zinnias and sunflowers.  I can almost see and smell the herbs.  I started doodling the rock paths and the dry river bed that I imagine wandering down the hill.  Pondering what herbs and useful plants might flourish in that setting.  Ones that do not take over a space, but will enhance it. 

As usual for me, I quickly needed something else to tackle while they napped away and as I abhor waste of any kind I had a project I've been wanting to tackle. I will reuse things as much as possible and I've been collecting shampoo bar scraps for a year or so, in a jar, the same way I do soap.  I wasn't sure I could grate them up and make new bars or not.  But this morning, I finally did.  Those bars of shampoo cost between $13 and $20 depending on the brand.  It took very little time and I now have 4 bars of shampoo drying out.  The kitchen smells heavenly.  An experiment worth trying.  

I do the same thing with my handmade soaps, carefully salvaging the bits and pieces.  The rebatch soap is Hubs' absolute favorite.  It seems like the best of every bar ends up in those odd gray/green colored soaps.  And we don't waste anything.  How can you go wrong.  I don't have enough bits of soap saved up again yet to tackle that, it wouldn't be worth the time, but we will eventually have enough to make another batch. 

I had a huge basket of yarn odds and ends, nothing really useful, or so I thought.  I was pondering if I should donate them somewhere, or what, I just didn't know what to do with them.  They seemed destined to be something to make me crazy.  The other day while mindlessly scrolling, I came across a reel, someone had made baskets out of their scraps.  I'd seen the patterns before, I'd made a mental note to try it one day, but like most things I put in my memory lately, it got lost.  

After watching that reel, I decided I needed to give it a try.  I always need a task to accomplish while Hubs is watching his movies, so why not? Now, I have another addiction. I've already finished three, I'm halfway done with a fourth and I am making a great progress through the left over scraps.  They will probably end up in my booths this fall. 

This space and time suits me perfectly, I feel I am flourishing. 

Well, it's time to wrap up.  It's Hubs' mom's 102nd birthday.  We are going to head over to the cemetery.  I'm gonna wake up my sleepy babies.  They are catching up from two very long days, but I am sure they will wake up for a R*I*D*E...

love and prayers for all... 

how have you been?

This morning as I was doing my chores, I felt a strong urge to write.  Goodness, it's been a long while. Almost 4 years ago my life took a dramatic turn, a shift. Unplanned, unexpected and suddenly.  One of the greatest gifts I have been given in life.  I find those that fall in that category are usually the best.  A sudden ending, when you aren't brave enough to admit something is not serving you or your life.  When you can add up all the things it's cost you, but you don't have the courage to walk in another direction.  When God steps in and gives you the push you desperately needed, but didn't realize it. 

Endings are nothing more than a chance at a better beginning.  We just often find ourselves blinded in the moment.  Not realizing that the door that slammed shut was because it wasn't serving you. It might even have been causing you harm that you couldn't see in the moment. 

My days have fallen into a beautiful routine.  I'm no longer trying to be a wife, mother, grand mother and homemaker while still being stretched to my absolute limits in a thankless world. It's an incredible feeling to walk in the path you are meant to walk. 

I don't write much anymore.  Not because I don't want to, but because the world has become increasingly more unstable and angry.  Something I really no longer have the need or desire to participate in.  If I do write it is strictly for me, and that alone is very rare.  Although I do miss it.

Today the urge was too great, with a cup of hot coffee, I felt ready to write.  After all the kitchen is cleaned, laundry folded and ready to go upstairs, everyone fed a nutritious breakfast and the doors are open to allow this beautiful day to flow in.  I'm ready.

I've already put the first bit of grass seed down and covered it, so much as been altered in the past year that it is going to be a long season of rebuilding, I'm excited for it. I figured as long as I was playing in the mud, I'd better take advantage of the warmth this week to get my poppy seeds planted.  There is more cold weather rolling in next week and they will need it if they are going to sprout and fill the spaces left barren. In a few more weeks I will plant the cosmos, marigold, and zinnias.  A short time later will find lots of sunflowers planted where they would have never grown a few months ago. And the lilac will finally be planted in the ground.

this guy was amazing - and terrifying

Hubs and I are busy plotting and planning.  How much grass?  Should we add more raised beds?  What do we think is going to happen in this mixed up crazy time that we are moving through? The removal of that massive old bradford pear tree has left us with lots of new options.  Not to mention an enormous pile of wood to cut up for future winter fires. 

half-way there

that ground hadn't seen that much sun
in 30 years

Oddly, I have no anxiety, no stress or fears.  It feels like forever since that has been the way of life. There is a rhythm now, like a slow drumbeat.  That isn't to say I am not paying attention to things.  Or that I haven't noticed the way grocers keep raising prices.  The businesses that have struggled for so long that are finally closing their doors.  I've noticed.  

relaxing with Dad on a cold winter day

Somewhere along the way of the past 4 years a calmness has finally settled.  Our little suburban homestead becomes more solid all the time.  It's almost time to plant the gardens, last fall we planted our first elderberry bushes, we followed the directions to a "t" so with any luck we won't have to travel to pick elderberry in the future.  Hopefully this year will also find us able to plant our own mullein.  We'll see.  If not, there is always a plan "b".  As our yard is more open to sunshine now, we may plant a wider variety of veggies, then again maybe I will plant a beautiful herb garden.  I am overcome with the possibilities.

Soon I will be able to go buy my goats milk again, I can hardly wait.  I also have a local bee keeper I support and it's almost time for the farmers markets to open again.  I'm tired of the world we were living in, we don't play in that world too much anymore.  We are finding our tribe, like minded people, we are learning to support and lift up one another.  To stop relying so hard to sustain something that felt false and unsustainable.

It feels like we've been in a ship on rocky seas for a really, really long time.  And the storm is raging still, it's not over, things need to right themselves.  I think all of us have a different way of dealing with it all.  We all have different ideas of what that righting is and will be.  For us, there is a sense of peace, we aren't playing in those waves as much.  We are choosing a calmer path. 

Washing dishes, cooking meals from the best and cleanest ingredients I can find, cleaning my house, working in my yard, taking care of my Hubs and pups, being there to support my kids and grands when they need it.  And having time to create.  All of these things are stabilizing.  Soon I will head upstairs, to iron and put away laundry.  

My version of Old Town

After the chores are done, I will head to my sewing studio, I decided that I was going to make another version of the Old Town quilt that I made myself.  This one is for my Hubs.  I might be crazy, at over 3100 tiny pieces, it's more intense than a jigsaw puzzle at times.  Yet, getting lost in putting those tiny bits together eliminates room for the chaos of the world to crowd my thoughts. 

the colors for Hub's Old Town

I have some strong ideas about what I am watching unfold.  Very strong, but I'm opting to sit on the sidelines and watch from afar.  I'm intrigued, I'm aware, I'm observing.  But from a distance.  I am focusing on the world right in front of me, I'm focusing on what I can immediately impact.  I'm tried of raging and worrying through things that I have zero control over. 

Over the past few years, I have come to realize the smaller the bubble the happier you become.  I have time to laugh, to worry over my ability to recreate my Hubs favorite meals but in our own kitchen instead of somewhere we don't know what was used.  I have time to stop and observe.  Things have fluttered through the past few years, time has really stopped being relevant or even observable.  I forget things, I laugh, I move on.  So many that I speak to are experiencing the same thing. 

Birthdays, holidays and so much more sneak up and take me by surprise.  Evenings are spent enjoying old shows with Hubs, working on some little thing and chatting during the never ending pharmaceutical commercials. Seriously, whatever happened to Mr. Whipple and his Charmin, or even Clara yelling "where's the beef". Now we mute it because the endless lists of side effects from drugs they are hawking is enough to terrify the staunchest horror movie fan.  Geez, why?  Just why?

I'm toying with a few future ideas, one of which is starting another blog, focusing on living a different kind of life.  Another thing I am exploring is how to help others learn skills that are rapidly fading away, a self-sufficiency that is fading away.  I have a million other thoughts that glide through my mind while I stitch away on one of my vintage Singer sewing machines.  There is something about the sound that welcomes you to slow and daydream. 

My day dreaming often beacons me back here.  I have so many thoughts and memories recorded in these posts.  Time gone by.  I would love to save it, I often wonder if this platform will ever disappear and with it my thoughts and memories.  I am not technically skilled to save them to something else.  It's one of the thoughts that stops me from starting something else.  The technical world is not really for me.  I thrive in a simpler, more hands on world. 

I definitely don't recall planting a Pup

Who knows... the future is just that, the future. For now, the birds are calling, the pups are napping and it's time to go upstairs.  Maybe the blue jay will come back and sit on the branches and watch me sewing.

peace and love on your own journeys...

cherish the moments...

Thank you Lord for this beautiful morning.  It's August and after a few mornings where you could barely breathe outside due to the heat and humidity, there is a soft breeze blowing and a mild temperature.  As I am watching the sun sneak through the trees I know it won't last, I mean it's August after all.  So I am going to simply sit here and enjoy it.  

Hubs helps me water the treetop garden every morning and afterwards he usually slips back down to his office to work.  I noticed my garden needed a bit of attention this morning, so I've been out here for almost the past hour in the coolness of the morning.  As I have harvested the radish seeds that were ready (since the hail destroyed them, I decided to experiment) I'll be planting the ones I harvested next season, I have been listening to the world wake up.  The distant sound of hammers as the multitude of roofers working in the neighborhood are rushing to beat the heat slowly increasing in intensity as it got closer to acceptable working hours, was drowned out by the birds, cicadas, crickets and heaven only knows what other creatures singing their morning songs.  It's an odd mix of the natural and man made sounds.  Air conditioners and cars, the occasional plane and train.  All of it melding together in a strange symphony.  It's been peaceful. 

I was thinking about my unconventional life and cherishing the blessing of it.  My finger tips softly stained from the seed pods as I cracked them open.  The scents of the garden blending with my coffee.  Everything took such a beating in May when the hail storm went through, looking out into the trees I am finally seeing new leaves on trees that I feared would not survive. My non-traditional garden for me is bringing me so much joy, I was noticing it's time to succession plant the cowpeas, as they are losing their leaves, time to put all of their energy into the long seed pods.  

I cherish these quiet moments. 

Last week during a moment of rest I was browsing X and someone shared a photo of the typical schedule for a 1917 housewife.  I had to save it.  I was definitely laughing to myself as I realized it was very similar to my life.  Sure I have modern conveniences that make for a slightly easier day, allowing me more time to do things like make quilts and get ready for craft fairs. I wondered if it must have been a list from a city dweller of the day, because there wasn't much time devoted to the garden (although maybe they knew secrets that have been lost to time?).  

My house is definitely not Better Homes and Gardens, it's more "there appears to have been a struggle", there are plates with seeds drying, jars cooling, projects in processes.  There are pup toys everywhere and a light sprinkling of puppy glitter everywhere.  It's a bit of chaos, filled with love and joy.  Who could ask for more?  When my life was dull and empty it was immaculate.  I don't miss the sparkling clean, I love this chaos, to me it means my life is ever changing and flexible. It means things are going on all around me, filling my days with love, joy and laughter.   

I love this life.  There are people that often ask Hubs, when I am going to return to the work world.  To the hustle and bustle that has been created for us.  I love his answer.  Never (at least if we can help it).  I work harder now than I ever did in the "work world" the difference is that now it is to make a home.  To take care of my primary role, to be a wife, mom, grandma and pup-mom.  I get to spend my days taking care of those around me.  There isn't a paycheck to be had that is as valuable as that incredible feeling. 

Today will be crazy busy here at my little suburban homestead.  I have been neglecting a lot of things rushing to complete a special project before tomorrow.  As I put the last stitches in last night, I was overjoyed.  I can't share it yet, but I will.  So today is a day of catching up, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, dusting, all the everyday things have been being touched, but not done. I haven't baked bread and there are peaches waiting to be made into cobbler.  The watermelon that wasn't as sweet as Hubs likes, turned out amazing in the dehydrating sample, so I need to chop that up and finish dehydrating it.  Our youngest grand daughter fell in love with it and might have finished off the whole batch last night. 

I need to harvest some okra for dinner and finish the last of the corn cob jelly.  I've also got to run out to the goat farm for milk and make a quick stop in the city to pick up the grands' projects they made when we went to Made for Kids the other day.  Both girls created art with the 3D printer and they are ready. 

All of that is before I can finally service my new 301A.  I did tell Hubs it was to be my birthday present, so I am guessing it's a good thing it won't be finished until right before my birthday. It's going to be a crazy busy day. A good busy.  

what 3 gallon bags of elderberries
looks like dehydrated. 

I want to clear up my to do list before this weekend.  I want to spend the weekend gathering wild elderberries and mullein.  The things that we have forgotten in this life are incredible.  Both will serve us well over the winter to prevent colds and illness.  With none of those nasty side effects included. 

Maybe a lot of the insanity and problems in our world would go away if we followed that old saying... Idle hands are the devils play ground. I rarely have a moment to be idle.  I rarely have time to simply sit and surf.  A moment here and there at the end of the day, but that's about it.  

I'm well guarded while working in 
my sewing studio.  No one is getting 
past my security team. 

Well time's a' wastin, I need to fix some breakfast and get busy with those chores.  Thanks for joining me out here in the early morning sunshine and breeze.  It's been a wonderful start to a great day.  Again... thank you Lord for the blessings. 

love and peace, b

need to know...

Do you ever find yourself putting things off?  Forgetting something that needs to be addressed or done?  I think I am the queen of that universe. The sad part is that it is far from intentional, it's simply because I have so many things swimming in my head and heart.  Plans, ideas, need to do's and want to do's. At some point things fall off the immediate radar, usually because something else has caught my attention. 

I came down from my sewing studio a few minutes ago, needing to refill my water and finally remember to eat something, or if I'm honest to stretch my back a bit.  I seriously need a different solution for a sewing chair...  there I go again, drifting off. 

As I pushed the buttons to fill my cup with ice and filtered water, I had to smile to myself and also sort of scold myself. Something so simple. 

While I was in Alabama, literally months ago... we aren't going to say how many months because it is down right shameful, the ice/water dispenser died.  Hubs popped a towel behind it to stop the non-stop flow, but knew from the last repair that his hands were too big to do the work, he needed me. 

I came home from an incredible visit with my sister-in-law, full of more ideas (go figure) and fixing the fridge was definitely not on the planning table at all.  The drive was long, I needed rest.  At least that is what I used as an excuse for the first day or two.  Fast forward a month or so, I discovered that I could simply lock and unlock it as needed and solved the towel problem.  Moved on to other want to do's, weird how those pesky to-do's seem to always get shoved further back on the list. 

Finally ordered, what I thought was the part, stalling about taking it apart and investigating.  It's a fairly cumbersome job moving that monster out of the little space built for it and honestly, I was being lazy. Sweet Hubs by my side we disassembled and reassembled the part, sure it was just the micro switch again, neither of us stopping to question the little spring that flew out of nowhere, until we noticed the paddle was still not working as it should. 

Replacing the switch with the old one, as that was evidently not the issue, and realizing that little spring played a critical role in our problem we noticed the little broken bit of plastic, evidently the whole assembly needed replaced.  No worries, we had the part number and the Amazon could have it to us the next day.  Problem solved, repair on it's way!  

Not having to struggle for filtered water was getting closer, right? I know the fridge is 10 years old, but that shouldn't be a problem, should it?  

One would think.  Pull it out again, disassemble it all again.  Install new one, ask Hubs where the paddle was, as it wasn't attached.  Look through boxes like crazed people.  Slowly realize that the paddle is not there.  Seriously?  

Go on a massive internet search, questioning the sanity and intelligence of the people that make a dispenser without a paddle, when that is a critical part of it being able to function. In despair, realizing that the original part is almost impossible to find and none of the available parts have the paddle attached. Yes, still critical, not able to be removed without breaking it from the original, pausing to read comments from others feeling affirmed that I am not the only one pondering this challenge, I decide it's time to start making phone calls. 

Three parts dealers later, I find out that there is another part that is compatible and that I can have it the next day.  Please take my money!  

They say the third times a charm.  Hubs and I pulled the fridge out, yet again, working in the very narrow space between it and the island, what kind of architect makes these placement decisions? We finally installed the dispenser and slid it back into place. 

The silly joy that comes from being able to get a glass of ice water without struggling is so much a first world problem and joy.  The self-loathing that it took me months to tackle is only slightly eased by the fact that I would have had to deal with all the chaos at a time when my plate was full and I didn't have the energy to add more to it. 

Okay, I admit it, I am the queen of forgetting things.  Or maybe the universe knew I wasn't ready to deal with all that drama and kept giving me distractions until the time was right? Whatever the case, I'm thankful to have the ability to pop into the kitchen for ice and water and not having to go through all of the steps.  

Makes me wonder what else I have been shuffling off to the side that may only take a moment in time to resolve... hmm... whatever it is, it will have to wait.  My back is ready to go finish the quilt I am working on today, no time for remembering what I might have forgotten.  

Love and prayers... B

Wondering why...

I can't believe how fast time seems to be flying by.  We are already moving into the middle of July and yet it seems like I just wrote yesterday. I have been an active traditional homemaker now for over 3 years, again... how? Where is time flying off too?

Yesterday I was busy putting up the last of the 72 dozen ears of corn that Hubs loves so much.  As I stood at the sink scrubbing the silks from each ear, I found myself thinking, nothing new there.  I was questioning why I do some of the things that I do each day.  When I could easily go to the store and sit in my car and wait for someone to bring out my order and load my trunk.  Why would I spend hours shucking, cleaning, scraping and canning corn? 

Why would I do half of it?  Why wouldn't I take the easier route?  Why not just go back to work at a job where I will be taxed to bits only to be taxed on everything I purchase and then taxed again at the end of the year when all government agencies decide they haven't gotten enough of my hard earned dollars?

Why would I spend hours a day taking care of my family?  Wasn't it somewhere in the 50's or 60's that they started the marketing campaign about better living through chemicals?  Wasn't that supposed to make lives easier?  At least that is what the marketing campaign said.

Years ago I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, shortly after a tick decided I tasted good and shared Lyme disease with me.  I remember the anxiety I felt when we went to pick up our medical records a short while later, because we were moving back to Germany and being told they were being stored in the environment hazard area.  My mind was completely blown away.  I was stunned beyond thought and reason.  I was too sick at the time to deeply question it all as I went to a different part of the hospital to gather my records, separate from my families. 

For literally years I struggled with life.  I lived in pain, my mind was often foggy and my memory was shot.  I have so much regret surrounding those times.  I can't unwind the clock, I can't go backwards in time, but I can go forward. And in moving forward for the most part I have been healed, oh it's still technically there, but I no longer suffer from it. 

Somewhere over the past two decades things started to come together.  I learned, I studied, I started to understand a lot of things that I hadn't realized.  

Slowly we've removed many extra chemicals from our lives.  When you start to read, you start to learn.  

Our skin is our largest organ, it absorbs everything we put on it. It took time, I had to learn how to make soap, I'm still working on shampoo (that stuff can give you a headache) but for now I have sourced some that is chemical free.  We use very little, if any, commercial topical creams, lotions or medications.  It's amazing when you start looking into herbs, natural oils and tinctures the benefits to your entire body.  If you haven't looked into castor oil or frankincense for your external needs I strongly suggest those two as an incredible starting point. 

When you look at the things you consume you might become a bit more anxious and unsettled. How many people really read the ingredient lists when they are gathering their groceries and snacks?

After learning about the external influences, I might have become hooked on taking a deeper dive into herbal remedies, ya know... the old ways.  The things we don't learn in school are far greater than the things we do learn.  I can 100% assure you I have never in my adult life ever used algebraic formulas, yet everyday I cook meals for my family, use basic math as I work out our budget, I work in my garden, I sew, I make clothing and household items.  

As I am staring down the final year of my 50's, I realize I use very little of what I learned in school.  It carries very little value in the real world.  Most of it amply prepared me to be a drone in the tax generating wheel, very little of it prepared me for life. Sadly it is worse now.  Kids are graduating high school completely unprepared to go out into the world, to have meaningful lives, to be able to explore, dream, develop businesses and think.  They are woefully unprepared. 

I think back on school, home economics in particular.  And I realize that I learned very little of the skill sets I use today in those classes.  In the cooking sections I learned how to place an order for the ingredients I would need, I learned how to assemble those ingredients into a meal and the absolute importance of making sure there wasn't a crumb left on the floor after class (my instructor would lose her mind if things weren't meticulous for the next student). Oddly, it never taught me to buy groceries in the real world, to stretch a budget to cover whatever might happen, to put up food so I wasn't reliant on the grocery store. I learned to make noodles from scratch in one class, but never how to dry them for storage.  I was never taught to plant a seed to enable me to grow my own food.  In fact besides cleaning the floor properly, insuring that I pleased the fussy teacher to get a good grade, using a rolling pin to roll out noodles (and promptly rubbing all the skin off the side of my thumb - super painful FYI), and the incredible field trips in my international cooking class, I remember very little useful information from those classes.  

one of the recent quilts... I've improved

my newest treasure a 1953 301A - as soon as I tune
it up... I will be making a quilt!

If we bounce into the sewing part of those classes... well I do remember how to lay out a pattern and even follow a pattern.  I also learned (on my own) that it's important to look twice at the way it will end up once assembled.  That poor stuffed turtle lived forever with his head on upside down.  The teacher never even caught it while checking my work.  Oh well. 

for a friends baby...

For my great nephew

Beau approves... a customers quilt

I also took wood shop as a teen, I still have the shadow box I built it is a cherished possession, that I will probably never part with.  Hubs still has the napkin holder he made years earlier.  Looking at his vs mine, that decade or so of instruction time difference really shows.  His is creatively cut out with wood burned features.  Mine was simple, the construction was very basic and lacked the processes that would have made it sturdy and stable for all these decades.  I have spent much time over the years putting it back together so that it would last. 

Why do I do the things that fill my days?  Is it because I am some crazy prepper, no.  Although I could see where folks would assume that.  Is it because of fear?  Maybe to a degree, but not in the way one would assume.  I'm not afraid of the future, God has that, I am afraid of the skills being forever lost.  

Mostly, it's because I don't believe the world we live in today is sustainable.  Not in a sense of we will run out of this or that, not really.  Not that I don't believe there will be shortages, I 100% believe there will be.  I believe that food, fuels, medications, etc will be in short supply.  Because we have been programmed to believe that we need all of the things that we can buy (and be taxed on) as the only way we can survive in this world. Everything must be something someone can make a profit off of, look around, pay attention.

I almost cried this morning, drinking my cup of coffee and scrolling through social media.  I came upon one of my canning and sustainability groups, the woman was sharing a video she made that morning. It showed miles of cars waiting to buy food at a fast food restaurant in Houston.  Much of the city is still without power after Beryl came through. Miles of cars idling in line waiting for a burger and fries.  Her point was that it has been two days and folks are waiting in line for junk food.  Her question was far more basic, didn't they have food at home in their fridge or freezer waiting to be cooked and/or consumed?  Wasn't it at risk of going bad? 

Why?  This is one of my major reasons why.  I don't want to be in the group that is lost when the things we've been conditioned to accept for our basic needs is no longer able to provide them.  I don't want to be the one that cannot provide for my family and loved ones. The one that has no idea how to cook something because all the recipes were online and we've lost power or internet and I'm lost. Or because I don't know how to cook in anyway except with my electric stove (mine isn't electric for the record). 

I don't want to be a slave to a broken and failing system.  I don't want to be the person begging the government to help me survive, in case you haven't noticed it truly is a form of slavery, and one that has been used forever.  Slavery doesn't have to involve physical chains and shackles, mental ones are far stronger and leave less physical proof. 

a full 20 hours after the storm

the next day...

At the end of May we were hit with a terrible hail storm.  The damage is incredible, and most everyone in our mile or so wide stretch of the storms path are still dealing with the aftermath.  Homes are damaged, windows were shattered, cars were beat up (many to the point of being totaled - our daughter had two of theirs totaled), garden's and landscaping destroyed.  I will admit that losing most of my garden and landscaping crushed my heart.  The rest can be repaired, but to lose those... I was so heartbroken. 

It's just over a month later, the physical stuff is slowly being repaired.  My garden looks very different than I planned it.  This year, I am letting some things go to seed for future gardens, as most of the damaged plants continued to put out seeds and I am delighting in that process.  Of the 5 tomato plants 2 survived, barely, and are covered in tiny tomatoes.  Thankfully I was behind in planting because of cicadagedon.

Even the flowers were damaged, but are struggling back to life. 

The tiny okra, bush cucumber, zucchini, sweet potatoes and acorn squash are thriving despite the damage they decided they were strong enough to weather that storm.  So many other plants were destroyed, there are no peas this year and the beautiful lettuce was turned to mush.  The Swiss chard had a few tiny bits still living so I left them be, they rewarded me with the best growth ever.  The rest of the boxes are now planted with assorted beans to dry and more okra.  Every year I say I wish I had been able to plant more of those, yet never do.  

When mother nature hands you lemons, you can chose to cry or make lemonade. 

I don't want to be one of those that can't think outside the box.  This year I have started foraging mullein, I have been using dandelion and I know where to forage massive amounts of elderberry this summer.  I have learned so much that was never programmed into us in school.  Learning that the things we were programmed to believe were useless weeds and needed to be eradicated aren't useless or weeds at all. 

I pray that because I refuse to forget the old ways that I will never been one of those sitting in a car waiting for something to be given to me.  I am sharing those skills with my grands, I will share my knowledge and skills with anyone that wants to learn.  I want to be friends with people that can teach me new old skills. I want to be a part of that community.  I want to spend my days, hours and skills helping those around me that want to help themselves.  That want to be a strong enough person to face the storm and come out in one piece.  Maybe a bit tired and worn, but strong and self-sufficient. 

You knew the pups would show up...

It's time to head to the sewing room.  It's been a busy couple of weeks and I am running a bit behind.  

Many prayers and much love!  And cheers to the keepers of the old ways... you are my tribe!

my brother's keeper...

I've been sitting here in the silence for a few hours now.  Did my usual daily stuff and then decided to simply drink my water and play a silly game on my phone. Hubs had to head to work super early, he was helping some of his team with a project before his early morning meeting. A day in the life... right?   

I started to head up to my sewing studio when he left, goodness knows I have plenty of work to do myself.  Instead I took a bit of time, time to savor my cup of "coffee" (it's mushroom, but I still call it coffee) and be still.  I'd woken up and spent some time in prayer, and shortly after had felt this huge sense of foreboding or gloom. It felt heavy and dark.  To shake it off, I played with my pups for a moment and got cleaned up to start the day.  The mood is still lingering at the edges of my spirit, nagging at me. 

I'm sure a bit of it is melancholy, so many folks are sick or passing away it seems surreal.  Heck it is surreal.  A good friend of Hubs passed away about two weeks ago, one of the last messages he posted on Facebook was telling everyone how much he loved them, it was absolutely beautiful and keeps bouncing into my thoughts.

It feels like every day we are finding out that another friend or family member has a medical issue or battle they are fighting with their health.  And it isn't just health.  Folks are struggling hard with basic life.  I feel anger rolling off of folks and not for things that should matter.  For those little things, the minutia in life.  And it scares me to think that people are losing the basic skills for being human. 

Just be silent and watch.  Folks are full of rage, they are becoming more and more aggressive and lost.  Basically mean to one another simply for the sake of being mean.  I don't know if it is a reaction to feeling like you are completely unable to control anything or feeling overwhelmed by it all. It just feels like watching the world becoming 100% self-absorbed.  The causes and issues that matter to each person are literally the only causes and issues that matter.  

I cannot be the only person questioning where empathy and compassion have gone.  Just because you don't agree with someone, or you don't have the same issues affecting your life doesn't mean that you can't feel and understand another person's struggles or battles.  What in the world is going on?

From neighbor to neighbor on the minor scale, to global issues that are literally mind boggling.  Where is the compassion?  Where is the understanding, heck I'd settle for an attempt at understanding and trying to find the middle ground.

Trust me I am not perfect.  Not by a very long shot, as I was telling a lady yesterday most people like my Hubs far more than they like me.  I am not the easiest person to get to know and once you have I readily admit that I am not the greatest person to have as a friend.  I like being alone, I get wrapped up in my own world and life and forget that there are people waiting for responses from me or that I forget to check in on. It isn't that I don't care, it's that I am easily distracted and rarely remember to return to the place I was mentally and sometimes physically. 

Yet as my day was starting like a shotgun blast, I paused for a moment after putting eggs on to boil and  listened while Hubs updated me on yet another person having a medical emergency, someone important to him.  As I ran upstairs to ask him a question about his breakfast, I overheard him on the phone with another friend, asking that friend to please join him at the hospital later that day to pray over their friend, to offer healing and grace all before 615 in the morning.  I was so thankful for the Godly man I am married to, because his first thought wasn't about the impact to him personally, it was about how to intercede for another human. 

Such a switch from another scenario I know of.  Where another human is struggling with some major life and health changes, trying to work through those bits and pieces of their puzzle, trying to process and put things back in an order that works.  Instead of the grief they are dealing with from a self-centered jerk of a boss.  Instead of sticking out a hand of support, of human kindness and respect, that person evidently delights in kicking someone that is down and making things harder. Why do people have to be that way?  Does it make them feel powerful?  In my opinion it makes them small and petty.

It isn't even just about health issues.  People are being so unforgiving and refusing to show mercy or grace to anyone.  I don't know about you, but I don't know any perfect people.  I know a bunch of seriously flawed people all trying to live a good life and doing the best they know how.  I'm kind of tired of people being so wrapped up in their own issues that they feel it makes it okay to trample on others feelings and hearts.  I sure see of a lot of that anymore.  I'm tired of watching the "ouch you hurt my feelings and that is all that matters, now you get to pay for that for the rest of your life" show.  It's old and childish.

I'm weary of it. Very weary.  How about instead of thinking we are the center of the universe, we step outside ourselves.  Instead of shutting out people that we perceive to have slighted or harmed us, we talk to them.  It's amazing what we find out and heal when we are willing to admit that maybe we aren't always right.  Instead folks simply just mock, ridicule, belittle or take pot shots.  The art of talking it out, of seeing both sides of things and realizing that your point of view on life isn't wrong, it's different.  And that is really okay, we don't have to agree about everything, we don't have to see eye to eye.  We simply need to step into the world filled with love and compassion.  Acceptance.  We also do not need for force everyone to see things our way or not at all. Again acceptance.  I can love you and not agree with you.  It isn't mine to sort out. 

Our differences are not greater than our ability to love, our ability to lift one another up and meet each other where we need to be met.  

Can you imagine the power of humanity if we could simply love?  

I'm not seeing that sadly.  I'm seeing a battle of good vs. evil on a very spiritual level and frankly I feel like we are going through a very dark period.  Thankfully, I know that God and good win, I know in my heart that this is for a very short season in a very massive expanse of time. 

If you are a praying person, please pray it up for humanity.  If you have a different belief, then I ask however you honor that sentiment, will you please do so.  And then I ask you to look around, take a seriously deep breath and ask yourself how can I make a positive difference today?  It might be something as small as picking up a piece of litter on the ground, it might be inadvertently doing something kind that changes another persons entire will to live - without you ever knowing it.  

Yes we are our brother's keepers.  And as someone with 3 younger sisters, I know that there are many times we have not seen eye to eye, we have not and will not ever agree on everything, but I also know that all any of us needs to do is reach out to one another and we will circle the wagons and protect against all comers. Shouldn't we be willing to do that for everyone?  

Ironically, I'm feeling that darkness at the edges dim.  I guess I needed to write this blog, even though few read it, maybe it makes a difference somewhere, somehow.  

Pray up folks.  This battle that is raging is getting more intense daily. 

love and prayers... b

seasons...

I've just spent the last two hours preparing all of the flowers we foraged this morning to make jellies.  Red bud and dandelion are sitting on the counter steeping their goodness out. Our backs got tired so I will gather more dandelions later to make tinctures with.  Not only our backs, but my thumb is numb from pinching each of those buds to remove the green.   Pretty sure it will be days before I get rid of the slight green brown tint to my fingers and nails. 

Winter is just a restful time.  I can easily slip into creating and the non-backbreaking tasks of the year.  Springtime comes back with a vengeance. Hours were spent on Friday, rushing to beat the sunset, weeding, working in the flower beds, over seeding where the tree was, cutting back overgrowth. Only to be followed up with foraging early today.

I cherish this time of year. Although right now, I am touch envious of Hubs' nap and feel like I should have made the same decision.  I am a bit weary today.  Hours of manual work and little sleep sure do add up fast to a lack of energy.  I'm sure the sunshine on my face from the past few hours out on the deck have added to the desire to snuggle up and nap.  

As I was sitting out there and thinking I was processing so many things. My walk as a Christian for starters, things we've been taught our entire lives, watching the various "attacks" on Christians and the varying levels of truly following the Bible.  I've never been a big doctrine or religion person. I've always felt like it was mans attempt to rewrite God's will.  Adding their own spin on what is written. Sort of like a twisted version of telephone like we played as kids. Rarely did the message come through the same as it started. 

Shoot it was even happening in Jesus' time, check out the pharisees if you really want to see that there is nothing new under the sun. In this time it feels just as great as it has at many turning points in history.  I am well aware that man has had immense influence on the writing and books contained in the Bible, I am sadly aware that we may never know what has been held back from us or why.  If I had to guess... I'm gonna have to go with control.  

That being said, I will use discernment, research discrepancies and lean into those with far greater knowledge than my own. 

As the wind blew, the sun warmed my face and the clouds danced past above me, I found myself humbled that God is in control and that Jesus was the lamb that paid the price and gave us the gift of forgiveness. 

This week is going to be a busy one.  Getting caught up on chores, getting ready to celebrate my sweet Hubs.  Hard to believe he is going to be 72 years young in a week.  We are still trying to decide if we want to travel to see the eclipse or be satisfied with the 80% we are supposed to see here at home.  We keep toying with the idea.  The 2017 eclipse was incredible and watching it from our back yard was definitely a once in a lifetime joy.  

The more we think about it, the less inclined we are to travel for it.  Traffic could be terrible.  If you've never been stuck in traffic on I-55 suffice it to say wisdom tooth extraction would be less painful.  We're about 90 minutes outside of totality, that could translate into hours of traffic to watch a 3 to 4 minute spectacle. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but people are getting crazy lately.  Every trip, even to the grocery store is anxiety inducing. Add to that the added mystery of NASA sending up 3 rockets, CERN being started up on that day, and the "devil" comet making an appearance. I'm thinking folks could be just a touch edgy, what do you think?

We have started to honor the Sabbath, meaning sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday has become a special time. We have listened to incredible lessons and spent intentional time studying. It's quieter and less stressful.  I am finding a sense of peace edging in that has long since felt missing.  It used to be that we were always rushing about on the weekend.  Struggling to feel we had rested at all.  We are shifting priorities, changing times, or simply eliminating things that no longer fit. 

This is a different path for us.  

I just noticed the time.  I guess I need to take my grubby fingers (dandelions sure can stain) and get with it.  I need to figure out how hungry Hubs is and what he would like for dinner.