oh hello...

It's beautiful and peaceful out in the garden this morning.  The critters are singing their songs and there is just the slightest hint of noise from the non-natural world.  Random trucks and cars out on the highways.  Far off in the distance.  I just re-read the blog that I never got around to finishing on Thursday.  Decided to spend the time with Hubs and simply never got back to it.  

I was talking about the incredible loudness of the morning. It was the morning before the impending rail strike.  It felt like the train engineers were throwing a full fledged tantrum. Starting at 430 am until well after 6 am, you could barely hold a conversation out on the deck and the sound was echoing inside just as loudly.  Non-stop horns for literally hours.  The tracks are several miles from our home, but they run along the ridge to the valley, so everyone had the benefit of their displeasure. It was nerve wrecking and migraine inducing.  

I remember telling Hubs that I could never remember it being so loud.  He agreed.  It was almost painful, as if you were standing beside one of the horns while it was being blown, for hours. By Friday morning, it was back to the occasional whistle and then nothing.  All weekend it was peaceful and this morning, I haven't heard a single whistle, I can hear the trains moving along, but they are doing so in silence. 

I guess they were trying to get the worlds attention.  Trying to literally wake people up to their plight.  I get it, I guess... If we don't speak up, we are forever silenced when the moment comes. 

Hubs has been busy working for the past few hours.  I was hoping that we'd have time for coffee this morning, but he has some early morning meetings and then it's back to the grindstone time.  The price one pays for taking vacation time. It's okay.  I understand.  He's got a lot going on right now and he needs to focus on it for a bit. 

I'm guilty as well. After all it's only 6 am and I have already started laundry and planning my day as well.  It's going to be a full one.  Chores to do and hopefully a bit of time for pure creativity.  I remember the days of trying to get everything done, because of non-stop deadlines.  There were times I thrived on it and times I resented it.  My deadlines are different now, but still present.  Now they are self-induced and driven by nature and natural things. 

Yesterday we sat out in the garden under the umbrella as it rained gently, Hubs helped me to shell a case of purple hulled peas we'd picked up at the Amish market.  It was a time to chat, work and enjoy being together.  Later in the day, he helped me prepare the case of green beans we'd picked up as well. Sometimes just being with your favorite person doing a menial task, makes light work of it. I assure you that canning 21 pints of green beans is menial, tiresome and back breaking.  Having someone to chat and laugh with makes it better. 

Thursday ended up being a rough day, one of the reasons I didn't finish my blog. I can laugh about Thursday now, but I couldn't then.  The puppies decided to unravel and strew three balls of yarn from one end of the living room to the other side of the sitting room, wrapping it around tables, chairs and fans.  All mixed up together.  It was the yarn for the sweater I am half-way through making.  I definitely sat and cried for the three plus hours it took to clean that mess up. I am fairly positive they were letting me know that I had been working too much and not playing with them enough.  I mean, they are babies.

I learned my lesson, after correcting them for doing it and cleaning it all up, the three of us went on an adventure to the river.  I let them run themselves silly, splash in the water at the edge and spent lots of time on just them.  In fact the majority of our three day weekend was spent giving them love, time and attention.  We took them to another beach on our way home from the Amish market and discovered that both of our babies are very strong swimmers and they enjoyed the heat of the day, by swimming in the shallow river after running up and down the beach for what felt like an eternity. 

We'd planned on going to a couple of craft fairs, decided to take the puppies hiking instead.  There are so many incredible places to do things literally in our back yard.  We explored the Phantom Forest with the babies, where they encountered their first box turtle, we climbed the hills and explored deep into the valley.  It was a rather strenuous hike for being literally in the heart of town.  Tucked neatly in between subdivisions was a hilly paradise.  

As we climbed up exploring this new little bit of heaven, I couldn't help but marvel that I was climbing pain free, as if the years of pain from a failing knee had never even happened.  Hubs barely had to help me, except on a few super steep declines (declines are still a bit tricky) and I was able to keep up with all of them. At times I was even in the lead.  The hill was definitely higher than it appeared from the street.  

If you haven't guessed, I thrive in nature.  The time I spend outdoors feels like time spent in the presence of God.  I needed it this weekend. I would have loved to go to the craft/reenactment events, Hubs was definitely game to do so.  I was the one that changed the plans.  I simply needed the peace of nature, not the anxiety of being around hundreds of people. 

It was the perfect choice for us.  Puppies got spoiled, Hubs and I enjoyed a combination of relaxation, exercise and rejuvenation an all around win/win scenario. 

Today, we move back into the daily routine.  It feels as if the world is building to some kind of crescendo, like we are watching a suspenseful movie or listening to a great orchestra building up the tension before the final scene.  I think I am simply happiest not being a part of it. 

It's almost a quarter to seven, the sun is starting to make it's presence known, the birds are starting to chirp and my two hummingbird friends just flew up singing their songs.  All seems to be the promise of a bright new start to the week.  We've moved into our second summer and the temps are going to be quite warm, might have to take the pups to the river a few times this week... but for now, in the coolness of the morning, I need to get busy putting up the rest of the harvest and collecting seeds for next years plantings. 

Spend a bit of time alone in nature.  Turn off your phone and simply disconnect. Take whatever moments you can steal and spend them with those that are absolutely most important.  It's a powerful healer for all that ails you.

love and peace... 

everyday normal...

It's been a very productive morning and I thought I might take a lesson from my sweet pups and spend some time in the garden.  I've got a cup of tea, they tend to just drink the water from my plants, but in theory it's pretty much the same. Hubs helped me load Sis's quilt this morning, and one thing led to another, I tend to get very focused while working on projects and next thing I knew, I'd put in the final stitches.  Ironically, her's went smooth as melted butter. I think I deserved a stress-free quilting session after the drama with Hubs' quilt the other night. 

I've evidently made friends with a couple of hummingbirds.  If I am out in the garden, they sit on the string of lights and talk to me.  It's pretty comical, if I speak they respond.  The thing is neither one of them wants the other to crowd them, so I spend a lot of time ducking as they chase each other off.  

The garden tends to be a very magical place. Being as it is harvest time, I spend even more time out here.  I was so amazed to see that one of the pinata peppers suddenly turned a bright yellow.  I'm wondering what other surprises they hold in store for me.  

I spent a lot of time this morning harvesting lettuce seeds.  I am letting a lot of my garden go to seed at this point.  I try to always plant heirloom seeds for that reason.  Once they go to seed, I can gather them up, dry them out and I've got a head start on next years' garden.  If you have never harvested lettuce seeds, let me assure you, it requires a lot of patience. They are smaller than dandelion seeds and almost as challenging to pick.  

This is definitely my time of the year.  The breezes are not bitter, the sun is not brutal (at least not right now).  The leaves around me are starting to change and I find a certain peacefulness to it all.  Yesterday when Hubs got home we took the pups for a walk at one of their favorite parks.  There is an overflow for a nearby river there, so a mild stream basically runs through the whole park.  Mostly it is a dry bed, with small pools of water throughout.  We planned ahead this time and both of us wore shoes and clothes that we didn't mind getting wet.  Beau has been very brave and loves bouncing in the shallow water, constantly trying to coax his sister to join him.  Yesterday, while we were only semi-watching she finally found her nerve.  And once she did there was no stopping her.  For almost an hour they splashed, bounced, ran, jumped and splashed some more.  It's warm, without being stifling hot.  We will probably take them again a few times this week.  Puppies need time to romp and play and walking along the dry creek bed is quite a workout for Hubs and I. 

The other day, I cursed the box of squash that I peeled and canned.  Not sure I would ever do that exercise again.  It took three long hours.  Today, I cooked up the last three that I had saved for lunch.  I'd planned for it to be lunch for Hubs and I, the pups had another idea.  They love cooked squash.  I mean really loved it.  I think on Friday I will be sure to get plenty of pumpkin to cook up for them.  I already knew they adored dried apples and dried watermelon, who knew squash would be a huge hit.  I definitely want to have plenty of it on the shelves for them to enjoy until the next season. 

Mommy... we want more squash...
PLEASEEEEEEE!

I sometimes wonder if I have brought my world into too narrow of focus.  Am I too unworldly?  Have I limited things too much?  I don't know, I don't think so.  I am the happiest I can remember ever being.  My days are filled with things that bring me pure joy.  I feel I contribute a far greater value to my life than I ever did before.  I no longer check boxes that say I was here.  At the end of each day, I feel accomplished.  Maybe I haven't made a difference to some huge company, the kind that do not know your name if you pass away.  Maybe I haven't brought home a paycheck.  There isn't really a pay scale attached to my world any longer.  But the intrinsic value is so much higher. 

There is so much craziness going on right now, it seems like every day there is a new crisis to worry about, a new drama or fear being drummed up.  Here in the garden there is only beauty, abundance and peace.  The kind that comes from the hummingbirds songs, from watching the butterflies floating gracefully above my head and the squirrels jumping like tiny acrobats without wings from tree to tree high above me. When I am able to stop and soak this up, I am able to look beyond those things.  

I still pay attention to them, as they have the potential to impact me and my loved ones (heck everyone) but I only pay attention, I no longer get lost in them. 

Well... I'd better get busy.  My garden needs a drink and I want to put a few more rows on my next sweater before Hubs gets home from his first day back to work. 

But first a bit of silence in the garden...

love and prayers... 

p.s. that first picture is of my sew Beau, he went into the sewing room and picked out the fabric that he wanted.  He laid there with it forever and was quite forlorn when I said he couldn't leave the sewing room with it.  He's so funny. 

under the stars...

 The night sounds are so beautiful.  If Hubs was home I'd probably have him build us a small fire to sit beside and enjoy the beauty that surrounds us.  As he is still visiting his Sis, I am going to simply sit out here under the stars surrounded by the soft lights and enjoy the peacefulness.  I finished my sweater just in time, as I'm sitting here wrapped up in it's warmth, it's been a rather cool and breezy day.  A harbinger of the coming autumn season.  We are still a few weeks away and if it's anything like a normal year we will have balmy warm days through October and early November.  

But tonight is cool, almost cold, sitting here under the blanket of stars. The puppies are getting their final romp of the night, hopefully wearing themselves out so they will sleep.  Tomorrow will find Hubs back home and another week beginning.  

I feel like we are on the edge of something more powerful than any of us have ever imagined.  I don't know what it is, but there is an edginess to the world, to nature, to the energy around us.  I am praying that it will finally be the beginning of light and love, we've had so much sadness.  So much anger and confusion.  I am praying so much lately, almost pleading with God to hear the prayers of the weary.  

I have dear friends that live in Europe, I have family in states that are struggling, I pray daily that they are safe, healthy and protected.  I worry about the things I hear on the news, will the people of Europe truly suffer what keeps coming up?  What about California?  

I try not to dwell on these things.  It's one of the reasons I am being so quiet lately.  I don't have the energy left to wonder and dwell.  Instead, I am focused on leaving it all in God's hands and doing the things that bring me comfort and peace. 

A friend reached out the other day asking if I could donate to a silent auction they are having in her community.  I paused for a moment, I needed more information.  I'm still pondering what my donation will be, do I truly have anything of value that will help?  When she told me the theme of the event, my decision was made.  How could I not support "A Journey of Hope".  

In my former life we used to do an ice breaker at our meetings, one of the things to do was to say which one of the core values we most identified with... I always chose hopeful. I am not so sure that I am a pure optimist, I often find myself working through feelings of defeat and loss, but I am forever hopeful that pure goodness will ultimately rule the day.  I am forever hopeful of a bright future. 

She had me at hope. 

I will start to plan my donation tomorrow, I might even deliver it when I head to the Amish market on Friday.  She doesn't need it right away, but I know the longer I ponder it, the less sure I will be of my choices. It's best to simply dive in. 

Sitting out here in the garden, surrounded by stars and the calming sounds of the night, I feel a strong sense of hope.  Yep, I do wear those rose colored glasses well.  I simply cannot accept that this hurting, divided, injured world is going to stay the way it is.  We are not meant to hate, to fear, to doubt.  We are meant to love, to lift up, to give, to hope.  

Hmmmm... Almost sounds like I've been drinking a bit too much wine doesn't it?  Ironically, it's just Earl Gray tea with a couple of sugar-free peanut butter cookies.  I can't be the only person that feels hopeful.  At least I pray that I am not. 

To me being hopeful doesn't mean I am sitting around doing nothing.  That I am just going to pray and wait for a good outcome.  I happen to be a person that believes the Lord is asking us to roll up our sleeves and do the work he is asking us to do.  

I feel strongly that I need to keep taking good care of my family.  Right now the only part of my family that needs me to be there full time are the puppies and my sweet Hubs.  I've raised strong children that are busy living their best lives.  I take my role seriously.  

As I worked today on putting up things for winter I felt a calmness in my soul.  I love that I can spend a few hours and provide the freshness of summer all winter long.  My beautiful garden is still covered with a harvest not gathered yet.  While stirring the batch of apple butter and peeling the acorn squash to be canned now and roasted later, I was plotting what I will do with this incredible bounty of peppers that I am surrounded with.  

Some I will dry and grind, those Hot Pinata Peppers, look to be powerful in the tiny, tight, gnarled spears. I didn't buy those seeds, they came in one of my orders as a thank you.  I have no idea how spicy they are, all I know is they look fierce. The sweet peppers will probably end up eaten by Hubs and those not eaten will end up in a stuffed pepper soup.  

There are still tomatoes and okra that I harvest almost daily, the same with the green beans.  I canned the last batch of green beans, but Hubs couldn't wait and made them for dinner the next night.  I have to admit, I was fairly pleased with them.  It's the first time I've ever had a good harvest of beans.  It's hard to have a great bountiful garden when you grow it in pots on your deck. 

Tomorrow morning my friend will drop off some soups for me to process for them.  I have so many people that I am able to lean into and I love that they lean into me also.  In my perfect world, we aren't keeping score, we are working seamlessly together.  Each of us lifting the other in some way. They are always there when I need them, I am thankful to be able to be there for them also.  

I've enjoyed my quiet days, the television hasn't come on, the silence has been a balm to my weary soul.  I've played with my puppies, I've chatted with friends, I have barely left the house or even put shoes on (I love to walk barefoot outside - drives Hubs a bit nutty), I have puttered, I have worked, I have prayed and I have laughed.  But it's time for Hubs to come home.  We are a pair and it feels odd and empty to not have him here.  I'm still going to treasure the silence, but I will welcome the comfort that comes from hearing the television and his music wafting through the house. 

I thought that maybe there was no moon above tonight, but looking to the east I see it is starting to peek through the trees, I can't see enough of it to know what phase its' in, but it is bright through the branches. I don't think it is full, but it's close.  

Do you feel the energy changing?  Are you seeing a glass half full or half empty?  We are heading into a powerful time, are you ready?  Am I?

love and prayers... 

cherish the moments....

Just a few minutes past six in the morning and the pups and I are relaxing in the living room.  We'd prefer to be in the garden, but there is another streak of rain moving through.  We'd gone out for a bit when I had my first cup of coffee, but quickly returned inside.  Not because of the weather, but because something lost it's life out there.  

We often have traveling coyotes and the occasional fox, so it could have been one of them having an early breakfast, from the sounds it might have been some type of bird that lost it's life.  All I know for sure was those kind of sounds coming out of a deep dark wooded area, is not the most pleasant way to start the day. 

Both babies started barking, not sure what they thought they were going to do, but I rushed them inside and shut the door.  When I finally let them out again the sounds had faded and they both rushed down the stairs to survey their yard, making sure nothing had entered their domain.  They are definitely big enough now that I don't worry as much when they wander into the darkness.  I still worry, I'm still traumatized by the movie I saw in fifth grade.  But the yard is now fenced, we have incredibly bright motion lights around the backyard and I stay out there'm  with them in the darkness. 

I am fairly certain it would have to be an incredibly desperate critter to take on either of the babies.  Beau is a big boy.  Belle is slight and wiry, she's the one I wouldn't want to tangle with.  She has a pure hunters instinct.  Hubs is always telling me he should take up rabbit hunting again just for her.  My answer is always the same... not in this lifetime.  Neither of my babies will be hunting dogs. Watching her explore and track the stuff in her own yard is enough drama for me.  

Yesterday she found a bee's nest in the crook of the backyard tree and it took everything to keep her away from it, she kept knocking the bees to the ground and basically tormenting them.  Stopping that nonsense almost got me stung and I'm allergic to bees, so needless to say I was not at all excited about that. That went on for hours, thank goodness for the rain that moved in.  

She then found a toad in the front flower bed as they went out for their evening bathroom break.  I'm sure it was quite humorous for the neighbors watching me trying to stop her from grabbing it in her mouth.  She was pouncing all over the front yard trying to catch it.  I don't know what catching a toad might do to her, but Hubs has often told me not to let our dogs do it.  I do know I wasn't wanting anymore drama from that little girl by bedtime. 

I'm hoping for a day filled with a little less Belle excitement.  I still have about half a bushel of apples to process before I move on to the squash.  Chasing after Miss Excitement will only slow that down.  I definitely didn't finish yesterday, I moved on to something far more important.  Spending time with one of my dearest friends. 

my little friend the hummingbird
kept us company all day

The weather was perfect to relax outside and chat, so that is what we did.  It felt like it had been forever since we'd sat and just talked about everything under the sun.  I think we both needed the day, I'm so thankful we had it.  I love that my world is so different now that I can pause and pivot into a different path or plan with zero regrets or challenges. 

Today is soon enough to get to the rest of the apples and the squash. 

I love that things move slow and that there is always time.  I remember when that wasn't my life. I remember with regret the times I couldn't simply stop for what was truly important in life. Last night as I was chatting with Hubs, you could hear the joy in his voice that he was spending quality time with his family in Alabama.  Those times are beyond priceless.  I have a dear friend that make a long drive east quite often to spend time with his family, he is always joyous about the journey.  He spent a few years reminding me that time with loved ones is vitally important and can't be gotten back once gone. 

I know this, I will live with it forever in a few cases.  Stepping away from a life that made having time almost impossible was one of the greatest blessings in the world. Ironically, I've discovered that the greatest blessings cost the least. 

Please make time for what is important.  Even if it is just a few moments of your day, make the time.  You simply never know the impact it will have.  For you, for them, for the very fabric of time.  

I think I am going to stop writing now, it's time to sit, relax, drink my coffee and snuggle my sweet puppies for a bit. They woke up early and are now fast asleep for their morning nap.  The big guy is laying on my legs, as usual, so I may as well finish up a bit of knitting while I rest. 

love and prayers...

time alone...

Such a quiet morning.  The critters in the woods haven't even really woken up yet.  My little hummingbird that visited until bedtime last night is back bright and early. I never realized they chirped until last night.  She's been singing to me again this morning, announcing her arrival and departure.  I am going to make more sugar water for her in just a few moments and fill the feeders both again, she's almost emptied the one we filled on Saturday.  Must be getting ready for her southern flight. 

I saw one of the squirrels a few moments ago, but haven't heard their raucous play yet.  I guess they are just waking up too.  The only sound is the insects chirping and echoing back to one another.  I love mornings like this.  

Hubs is visiting Sis in Alabama this weekend, so I am solo with the pups.  I was pretty wiped out yesterday, he'd made his family quilt and I promised to get it quilted before he left.  I knew it wouldn't take more than 4 hours total. 

I had more than enough time, things were going super smooth and it should have been finished before dinner and BAM things started heading downhill.  I had to remove about 2 full rows of a 69 inch wide quilt because the machine wasn't holding tension.  Talk about frustration.  And it couldn't have been the easy peasy removal, it had to be the difficult some stitches were super loose and some were super tight... two hours later I was beyond frustrated and could see the disappointment in his eyes that he might not be able to take it with him to show his sis.  Those are not challenges I take lightly. 

Hub's "A Star is Born" quilt!

Ended up a small piece had fallen out of my binding casing during one of the bobbin changes, I didn't discover it, until long after I finally had the tension issue sorted out.  By that time, I was getting a touch tired and just popped it back in, without considering all the adjustments I'd made to get it stitching right again.  Yep, some scenario.  Uggghhhh.... frustration.

I finally got it all fixed and working right and all of the bad stitches pulled back out, and put the final hand stitch in the label at 1:15 am.  A bit of a late night for me.  Unfortunately, I was pretty wired from being awake past my bedtime and ended up ultimately getting only two and half hours of sleep.  It was quite a day.  

Even running on lack of sleep I was so happy to get his quilt finished up for him.  He did such an amazing job, it's only his sixth quilt, and each one impresses me even more.  He picked the colors, and his choice for the borders really made it pop! He doesn't give himself enough credit. 

Four days alone, spread out to do whatever I would like feels like a bit of paradise.  Don't get me wrong, I love my time with Hubs.  He is my absolute heart and best friend.  But sometimes having completely unstructured time is good for the soul. I still need to feed my puppies and play with them, but that is different. Being only responsible for yourself is different. 

Yesterday, I did some cleaning, canning, napping and knitting.  I spent hours sitting on the deck in silence last night with a small glass of wine and my pups.  We enjoyed the sounds of the night as the sun slowly sank and then turned on the lights and simply sat.  It was peaceful and gave me a chance to just soak up the silence and peace surrounding me. 

This morning, I have puttered in the garden, watered the freshly planted beans (it's totally an experiment, my horticultural beans had started to sprout... so waste not, want not - hopefully we will have enough pleasant days to get a fall harvest), talked to Hubs and sat here drinking my coffee while listening to the woods wake up.  The birds are just starting to sing, soon the sun will be fully over the horizon, not just kissing it and the world will be fully awake. 

Today will be busy, because much like most days I have some canning to do, I picked up a bushel of apples at the Amish market and I plan to make a bunch of applesauce.  I also want to  find a source of crab apples,  Found a recipe that I really want to try, I just don't happen to have a crab apple tree.  Anyone have one that wouldn't mind sharing??  The difference is that one of my friends is going to come for a visit and help me.  I can't wait!  Since we don't work together any longer, I really don't have much of an opportunity to spend time with her. 

My world is so different now.  My personal bucket is filled to over flowing daily.  But, I miss the folks that I hardly get to see anymore. I'm thankful to be able to communicate with them daily, but nothing beats quality one on one time.  That's why Hubs is out of town.  He's been missing his sister a lot lately and wishing the miles weren't so great between us. I completely understand. 

Can you see them? 
They are about 15 feet from me.

The chill in the morning air is reminding me to call for a load of firewood this week.  Soon it will be fall and the chill will turn deeper.  I have heard that you can tell the kind of winter you are expecting by the size of the acorns on the trees.  The bigger they are the more nature is preparing for the animals to be able to survive a long cold winter.  We have a huge oak tree in the back yard, I've admired it for 8 years, I've also wondered why I've never seen acorns on it, last night while sitting here I noticed that it not only has acorns it has an abundance of HUGE acorns on it. I don't know if it's an old wives tale or not, but I guess I should be ready for some quality inside time. 

Oh my, looks like I have a pair of hummingbirds darting around now.  I took a few moments pause to fill the feeder and now we have lots of company.  I love watching them get a drink and then fly up to the light string and pause for a rest, while chirping away. 

At some point tonight I will finish the last 3 inches of my Icelandic wool sweater that I am making for myself. I was so excited to find the wool at a reasonable price.  I'd heard so many great things about it and really wanted to try it.  I did a simple pattern that wouldn't take forever, just in case I hated it and had to list it in "that" sweaters column.  So far, I am in love.  It's a top down, so I was able to try it on after finishing the first sleeve.  The yarn is not at all soft and fluffy, but it is light and warm.  It's a traditional wool, so it is a bit scratchy, I'm hoping some of that softens up a bit when I soak it before blocking it.  We'll see.  Either way, I'm in love with the pattern and the color and can't wait for the chill in the air that will allow me to wear it. 

I rarely make things for myself, I am forever giving away the things I create to others.  I've shifted.  I am working on all the me projects that have been sitting around waiting for someday.  My socks, sweaters, scarves, mittens, quilts... it feels good. I don't know why I never thought about doing it before. 

Once I finish this one, I have another yarn that I have been waiting a year to use, I will cast on for the next sweater.  I'm trying to determine if I have enough of this beautiful yarn.  It's a handspun that Hubs bought me last year at the Kinmundy Cabins fall festival.  I fell in love with the color, so he decided I needed all of it that they had. I guess we will find out.  If I don't have enough, I could always make the collar and cuffs a coordinating color, or maybe I will make a sweater vest with it.  This one is soft and cozy, I can't wait. 

super hot peppers for drying

As much as I want to linger and observe the hummers and morning awaken, its time to start the day. Those apples won't magically become applesauce.  And I have a lot of things needing harvested and processed too from the garden. Time to start the other things that bring me joy... I hate to leave the beauty out here, rain is moving in, so I won't be able to sit here and savor the beauty tonight. 

Enjoy your magical weekend, find the things that bring you joy and pursue them with wild abandon.  And find a bit of time to spend truly by yourself without any other human, no matter how much you love them, it definitely refills your bucket so you have more to give to others later. 

love and prayers...

lost...

I spent a lot of time in prayer last night.  Hubs and I decided we should watch the president speaking in Philadelphia.  We try not to live in an echo chamber, to be well versed in everything going on around us.  I mean after all it was supposedly the leader of the free world speaking to our entire country. 

I guess I should have been concerned when it wasn't broadcast on any of the network channels, I guess I'm showing my age, because I remember when the president spoke it was carried on live television.  And based on the title of the speech, it seemed that it should be something that was on all of the national channels.  I did hear it was covered on CNN, but I do not pay for any of those channels, I refuse to pay for non-stop brainwashing on either side. 

Maybe it's because I was raised in foreign countries, maybe it's because I have seen first hand the damages causes by the type of rhetoric that I listened to last night. Or maybe it was because I was listening with the intent to fully understand.  Whatever the reason, I was sick to my stomach.  I was up for half the night deep in prayer for our country and world. 

Last night was heart breaking, on top of the extremely eerie vibes of the lighting and the ambiance, which seemed deliberately set.  Whatever happened to the days of our presidents sitting in front of a fire place, chatting with us as if we were friends and neighbors. 

Last night broke my heart. Over my adulthood we have had presidents that I did not care for, their words and actions didn't align with my values. I've never even considered that gave me the right to demonize those who thought differently than I do. 

Oddly, looking through various social media last night, my blood turned cold with the hatred and go get them attitude that seemed to resonate in many places.  I prayed that those were bots, I prayed that those were simply AI, programmed to stir the pots.  I prayed that we the American people had not actually slide to the low that we were incapable of seeing through the hatred spewed in the bloody red darkness (fading to pink if you were watching CNN from the videos I watched later).  I prayed that the American people are stronger and better than all of that.  

We are God's nation.  We are strong, we are good people that care for one another.  We pull together even when we can't agree, we search for the common ground.  Aren't we?

If you changed the term the president kept repeating over and over again, to any number of other terms, it would have sent people into an actual tailspin of condemnation.  If he'd picked a religion, gender, nationality, skin color or whatever I'm sure you would have heard the echo's all around about the evilness of it all.  Instead what I am seeing is a villainization of a large portion of America, based on the fact that they do not hold the same beliefs. 

My heart wonders how much more will be attempted to shatter us, to render the very fabric of America useless. They've attempted over the decades to place wedges in between us all based on everything you could possibly list.  Color, gender, religion, thoughts, race, finances and so much more that I can't even remember.  And through it all, even though there have been blips and hiccups of horrible proportions we have managed to still retain the very fibers that make us a republic.  

America is a republic.  We are not a democracy, no matter how many times it is repeated and yelled, we are still (at least for the time being) a republic.  Each and every person regardless of their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, color, or anything else is just as important as the next.  And it feels that there is pure evil afoot that wants to change that.  That wants to send us back in time, that is laying the groundwork for what happened in Germany in 1933.  We all know how that ended. 

I don't care about any of the things they are trying to use to divide us, I am an American.  I believe in our constitution and freedoms.  I always have, I always will. I can't change this world.  I can't change hearts set on tearing others down and from striping away that which we hold most precious.  It's not possible.  

What I can do, is pray.  I am going to continue to stay in prayer.  I am going to lift up each person, I am going to continue to ask God to heal our damaged country and world. 

This is simply a reflection of my feelings and beliefs regarding what I watched last night. To me, in the course of my life experiences, those 24 minutes were filled with something completely unbecoming of an American president. They filled me with a deep sense of loss and hurt. Each of us will process it on our own, if you even watched it as it was not readily available to see.  

I'm going to spend some time out in the garden this morning.  Praying and processing the past 12 hours. 

God bless America once again, please.... 

love and peace for all!

counting blessings...

So... I've got a serious question, do you feel blessed?  Do you feel like you are walking in faith and blessings?  I often do.  I sometimes get caught up in the media, in all formats and start to doubt that I am blessed, I start to feel fear creeping into the corners of my life, causing me anxiety.  I start to get caught up in the narrative that is being forced onto us in ways that I cannot fathom or explain. Yet, each time, I feel drawn to step away.  To stop and bow my head and spend more time in silence, less time in the world. 

This morning as I was working on finishing up a quilt, I also spent time listening to a pastor that I have discovered.  Her way of speaking is hard to listen to at first, but somewhere in the midst of it all I feel the power of her words.  I feel hope, joy and an erasure of the fear that the "world" has worked to instill.  I start actually counting my blessings and I am able to once again rejoice and feel the huge weight that is being forced down on all of us start lifting off.  I feel pure love filling my soul and speaking to my spirit once again.  

After listening to her, I struggle to listen to the other things, even casually, I simply don't want to hear it or be a part of it.  I think that is some of what is leading me to spending more and more time alone. In peace.  

I didn't end up going anywhere yesterday.  Instead I loaded another of the old quilts that have lived for decades in my sewing studio unfinished.  This one was created by my great-grandmother, who knows how long ago. It has been in my possession for literally decades. My great grandmother passed away in 1979, long before my children were born, long before I had even become an adult.  Somewhere in the 1980's I believe it was my grandmother sent me a box of fabrics and unfinished things that my great grandmother had been working on. 

piecing done by Mildren P. Rounds
sometime prior to 1975

My great grandmother was incredibly talented and crafty.  She was forever making things and I am actually blessed to be the keeper of a portion of her legacy.  I've made a few smaller pieces over the decades.  I've puttered around with the things from that magic box, but I was never willing to machine quilt the tops.  I had convinced myself that they had to be completed by hand, please don't ask why, because I don't have an answer.  I guess I just listened to the quilt police that insisted that vintage (at that point they were just vintage) quilts had to be quilted by hand or you would somehow tarnish the integrity of the work.  Make them less than.  So for decades the precious tops have languished sitting in stacks of projects to be completed at a future date and time when I had the time to sit for weeks on end carefully putting in the tiny stitches that the experts claimed were required. 

Somewhere along the way, I started to mourn the love that she had put into creating those tops.  Mourn the fact that they were sitting in a pile, unused and unloved, simply because I didn't have the time to finish them.  I was busy doing life as we have been conditioned to do it. 

Several of her tops are in that pile I am attacking at the current time. Yesterday I finally quilted one of her tops.  I started to do a fancy design, and within the first 6 inches I knew that isn't how I wanted to finish the quilt.  It wasn't what it was asking for, yep that sounds absolutely crazy, but I have always had a sense for how to quilt a quilt.  I never plan it, it simply happens.  This needed a simple meander, nothing fancy, just something efficient.  It needed to be completed and used.  

This morning I finished the binding.  It's now waiting to be washed these tops have sat for a very long time.  There are dirt marks, possibly stains now, although I hope and pray they are not permanent.  Hubs keeps asking me what my plans are for these quilts.  Hate to tell him, but my plan is simply to use them.  To wrap myself on cold winter mornings in front of a fire, to snuggle with puppies and grand babies under and cherish the history that was so unselfishly passed down to me. 

To celebrate the legacy that was given to me to protect and pass forward.  Do I know if my kids will love and cherish them when I am gone?  I have absolutely no idea, I may leave them for someone else.  They skipped a few generations in coming to me, maybe that is what will happen to them when that time comes. Maybe that legacy isn't something my own children will carry forward, neither of them have my passion for quilts.  My boy used to love sleeping under one when he was younger, I don't know how the grown man feels about them now. That isn't what I am focusing on at this time.  At this time, I am cherishing the gifts that were given to me. 

I need to go an purchase the backing material for the next quilt, which is why I haven't started it yet.  Or I am fairly positive that I would be down at the longarm already.  The next one is also one of my great grandmother's it is a series of sailboats in a multitude of colors.  I am not sure if I will use a simple white or something that will tie into a color on the front, I guess I will decide that once I head to the store.  Initially, I was drawn to the white, but the more I have looked at it, the stronger the feeling to do a color that will compliment the boats.  There is no sashing on this one, it is simply white with sailboats.  Who knows, I will figure it out when the time is right.  

It feels so amazing to be completing so many unfinished things.  I hadn't realized how much their unfinished state was bothering me.  I feel like I am in a frenzy to complete them, to finally give them life. I'm weird, I know.   

a rare still photo of sweet Belle
peaking up from her favorite corner of the 
man cave sofa

I have a bad habit though, when I get engrossed in something, I tend to ignore the rest of life.  So today I am actually forcing myself to do some of my other tasks.  Washing up the remaining laundry, it has nothing to do with the quilts I want to wash, I promise (she says with her fingers crossed to prevent it from being a lie).  I am cleaning the kitchen and planning my next canning sessions.  At some point in my life I will function as a normal human, not someone that becomes so manic about different projects.  I just don't know when that time will be. 

I am so very blessed in life.  God has held me in his loving embrace and provided so much that I didn't know I needed.  That I didn't realize was there, until I paused to reflect. It's September 1st, a year ago I was still struggling to be able to get out of bed and live my life fully.  I was four weeks out from a surgery I had dreaded and celebrated at the same time.  Today, I almost run up and down stairs, I chase puppies, I bend at the knees to pick things up from the floor.  There are many times now that I forget completely the surgery that improved my life, it's like it never happened.  There are still moments I am reminded that it did, where the tinge of pain from pushing it a touch too far will remind me, or I see the scar.  For the most part, I simply forget.

I never forget to thank God for the blessings he has showered me with, although sometimes I don't acknowledge it out loud.  Mostly out of fear of offending someone else.  I'm tired of that.  If it offends you, don't listen.  It offends me that I have to watch my words and feelings so much.  I am so thankful for the life I have, for the blessings that abound, for the joy and happiness that I have in this life.  I'm choosing to walk in faith, to celebrate my God who provided it all, and to know that even though things are being painted with darkness and fear that there is no reason to feel those things, because they are an illusion. 

Well... I guess I should go do some of those other "chores" and get my home in order.  It felt amazing to tidy the upper floor this morning, so I know that I need to do the rest of it.  Besides the fabric store isn't open for an hour yet... I see sailboats in my near future.

love and prayers... and oh yeah... count your blessings - the peace it brings is incredible!