Posts

Showing posts from November, 2014

Red and Yellow, Black and White...

Image
I haven't written.  I haven't been able to.  Too many thoughts are all tangled up in my head and heart.  Not to mention that my body is weary.  Taking care of the Hubby is taxing it as hard as everything else is taxing my mind and heart.

Hubs is doing well, he is still wobbly and in pain, which is to be expected when they move that many muscles and replace joints.  I am sure of it.  He's trying so hard to be independent, hating that he has to rely on me so much.  He's managed the stairs a few times and is standing for brief minutes solely on his own.  He's trying so hard not to be bed ridden and care dependent.  The reality is, that it isn't time for that yet.  Last night was the first time in a week that I have had a full nights sleep.  He didn't need to wake me to change the sheets because the bed was soaked from night sweats or to help him to the bathroom and back in bed.  He's making progress.

He's napping now, when he wakes up we will work on h…

Heading Home...

Image
Sitting here in the silence, Hubby snoozing softly - a pre-lunch nap, watching the snow coming down outside the hospital window and praying it doesn't stick.  Or maybe praying it does.  Falling on the hospital roof tops it is not nearly as beautiful as on the trees in the backyard.

I have mixed feelings about this week.  I've been sheltered from the chaos that is causing destruction and now death in my adopted city sitting here in this hospital room.  Part of me thankful for not having to go into the city itself away from the highway closings and strife.  My heart is going out to my co-workers and friends that are not that lucky.  Part of me feels like I am neglecting the very people I could be helping.

Right now, at this point in time, I am right where I need to be.  By my husband.

Yesterday was not a good one for him.  He didn't sleep well the night before, the pain too much to handle. As the doc keeps saying he's a big guy and giving him the same treatment as a 1…

Yesterday...

Image
It's quiet this morning.  There are very few sounds outside, which is remarkable considering the sounds of sirens that filled the air last night.  Inside there is the sound of the boys toenails on the wooden floor, the purr of the kitty and soft sound of the heater warming the house.

Yesterday is a day that will always be remembered in this country.  We are now right up there with Watts, Detroit, New York City and Miami.  There are businesses that a community needed to survive that are gone, forever no doubt, because who wants to rebuild something when idiots will burn it to the ground just because they didn't get their way?

Yesterday...

It was surely a high stress day.  It started out with a very stressed out hubby going in for a major surgery.  It sounds so common place and benign.  Oh... he's going in for a hip replacement, sounds almost like you are going to get a new pair of pants.  They are that common nowadays.

It wasn't.

Apprehension just grew as the day went…

The gifts of nature... they come when you need them most...

Image
What a beautiful morning!  Mother Nature has so many gifts for us if we slow down and appreciate them.  


I just got back from my walk with the boys.  Oh how I wished I'd had my camera, although using it while holding the leashes of two rather busy boys might have been more than I could handle. 

A week ago, it was bitterly cold and snowing, giant wet snow flakes were rushing to the ground.  It was perfectly beautiful.  Today just one week later it's in the mid-50's and no coat was required.

We took a slightly longer walk that usual, Gator likes the nicer temperature and the fact that while it was wet, it was not raining.  On our way out, we heard it.  There's an owl up the road that shows up some mornings. He's got a deep throaty hoot, the kind that makes you pay attention.  I haven't seen him before, and on our way out, it was so dark that I was only able to catch a glimpse of his outline.  Way up at the top of the highest tree.  

His hoot was quite impressive, not…

The Picture Perfect Day!

Image
Big wet snow flakes are falling... not enough to stay, but plenty to be the perfect end to a day that was as close to perfection as I feel we can get.

A full twenty-four hours of the Grand Baby are enough to make the entire world spin straighter on it's axis.

For the first time since her Daddy went to Heaven she came to spend the night.  Gramma is a bit tired sitting here tonight looking at those big wet snow flakes.  Not exhausted, not mentally tired, not fed up wanting to hide tired.  It's the tired that comes from keeping up with an eight year old that is on a mission.

Sitting here in the silence I am listening to a new version of one of my favorite Christmas Carols, feeling grateful to my Aunt for sharing it.  I am reflecting on the pure joy of having that little cherub tell me that this was the greatest day and that she felt special. I felt special too.  Grampa and I felt loved and blessed to be part of her day.  To help her accomplish her goal.

Her Bubbie is coming ho…

making sense of it all...

Image
Hubby's built a raging little fire in the fireplace.  It's full of crackling pine to take the deep chill off this wintry cold fall morning.  18 is not a usual temperature for this time of the year.  We've already done a few chores and are taking a few minutes to sip our coffee and enjoy the warmth.

This week has been full of ups and downs.  I am starting to feel that no one I know has had a remarkable 2014.  Or maybe it is just those here in the metro east.

Hubby had his pre-surgery meeting with the anesthesiologist yesterday.   Just over a week, hard to believe in January he'd started mentioning an occasional stabbing pain in his hip, which our "trusted physician" told him was just bursitis and to basically get over it, to facing a total hip replacement in a week.  Not even a full year later.  And they wonder why I don't trust the medical profession...

Its a common surgery now, he will be up and about before Christmas even arrives.  I've had dear fr…

Invisibility is NOT a Super Power

Image
And BOOM... over night things change....

The leaves have almost all fallen in the brisk northern winds that blew through over the past few days.  There are a few that are holding on to their splendor.  Those bright reds are always my favorites.

Just like the weather everything changes.  Sunday hit me like a ton of bricks.  Literally.  After nearly 18 years you would think I would finally have a grasp on what is going to make me hurt, sap my energy and literally make me miserable physically, mentally and emotionally.  Or maybe a better statement is you would think I would pay attention to what I know.

I wasn't expecting to wake up Sunday in a full fibro flare. The weather change hadn't been too dramatic, I'd been watching my energy expenditure, making sure to keep processed foods to a minimum, water to a maximum, trying to get enough sleep and frankly I thought I was handling the stress factor pretty amazingly.

Well played life, well played... because evidently the answer …

Pressing on...

Image
It's one of those super crisp mornings.  The kind that remind you winter is knocking at the door and is only going to be so patient.  The moon isn't full anymore, but that doesn't mean it isn't bright.  Four-thirty in the morning and I was able to see so clearly, probably because of the crisp dew on everything.

Grass crunching, naked trees, every bunny and squirrel moving is a loud scurry.  I love this time of year.

They are saying it will be colder tonight and tomorrow.  The boys weren't willing to walk so far this morning, I think the cold on their little foot pads was a bit shocking for them. Wonder how they are going to like their baths they are getting a bit later today. I am betting both will curl up in front of a fireplace and chill out.

I am going to pull some wood upstairs today, I have a feeling tonight after dinner a nice fire is going to be very welcome.  Warmth for the soul and the body.

I didn't get as much done as I had hoped yesterday.  Altho…

it's about perspective...

Image
What a week it's been...

Actually what a month or year would be better put...

It's quiet in the house right now, the boys and I just got back from walking and I am savoring my coffee before the busy schedule of the day starts.

I'm tired.  Not physically, that isn't what is wearing on me.  I am mentally and emotionally tired.

2014 has really been a year full of challenges and trials.  And they have been balanced out by extreme blessings and prayers answered.  The mix has me so worn out from the emotional roller coaster that I can't even see straight.

Monday was supposed to finally get things back on track.  After literally months of extreme pain and almost helplessness, they were supposed to be able to get Hubby not hurting again.  After so much, the doctor assured him that drawing out fluid and a cortisone shot into that hip would have him moving much easier. Able to fully participate in life and not just be a pain ridden bystander that was existing on pain medica…

In my life...

Image
Leaves are swirling outside my windows, there was frost on the ground this morning, and exhaustion was in the air.  My poor ferns are slowly fading away, my petunia's are determined to last a bit longer. There is something about a gray autumn day that just makes me feel like hibernating.

No time for that though, after a great party for the Princess yesterday, and no work getting done here, I needed to catch up.

I am sitting here relaxing for just a few.  It's been a busy morning, I am honestly thankful for that extra hour of sleep.  I evidently needed it, as I slept a full three hours longer than I usually do.

I am putting together some boxes of stuff for the Red Cross this weekend.  They are collecting clothing and household items.  With the move we've uncovered a bit more stuff hanging around, things that had been stashed and we'd forgotten about.  They aren't coming until Wednesday, but I know work will capture me and my time starting tomorrow, and I need to fi…

And poof...

Image
I was reading a comic this morning, it was Cinderella and her Fairy Godmother... "and at the stroke of midnight... poof Christmas carols will begin..."

We went to sleep last night to a cold Halloween evening, we woke up this morning to winter temperatures and Christmas stuff out at the grocery store.

What? I could be shocked, I could be sad that autumn is rushing away so quickly.  I'm not.

Sitting here by my beautiful fire, looking out the windows at the bright crisp view outside, sipping on the Bloody Mary that hubby made me this morning.

Crackling fire, peace and quiet (now that I have shut off the television that no one was watching), and my beautiful room!  This is my favorite room, it is me. My spinning wheel is in the corner, my favorite chair is here, my ammo boxes, knickknacks and plants.  This room invites me in, it asks me to stay.  Invites me to daydream and think.  It encourages me to just relax.

Last night was the first Halloween hubby and I have ever had …